Bad news for Kiffin haters: USC is the cushiest job in all of NCAA football, next to Notre Dame. They get crazy amount of talent and media coverage, and their conference sucks at every aspect of the game of football. He will most likely do a serviceable job at USC. He will most likely play in a few Rose Bowls. The only good news is that he will never go undefeated, and never play for a National Championship. If Pete could not do it his last few years, I doubt Lane will sniff an undefeated season.

Before Lane Kiffin quit, there was some exciting drama in the news room. To test how easily you are annoyed just press play on the video below and see how much you can stand. If you make it all the way to the end without punching a hole in the nearest wall, then you can go to Knoxville and pick up your press pass.

Hat Tip FOTP

Are you surprised? I’m not. What in the world has told you that Lane Kiffin is anything but a man of low moral fiber. The multiple offseason controversies of last season? The fact that two of his hottest recruits rolled up on random people at a gas station for pocket change? Starting Jonathan Crompton?

That was cheap. I’m sorry.

Basically, what I’m saying is, the average football coach is nothing more than a politician. They want to keep the power of their fiefdom. And they will say and do anything to keep it. Until something better comes along.

And for Kiffykins? It was ol’ SC.

I know you’re angry. You have an absolute right to be. You lost a coach who’s actively trying to steal as many recruits as he can as he goes out the door. I don’t think you need to be burning cars? But we all feel sadness in different ways.

But you know what? There’s a way to solve the problem. You get a controversial coach. A coach who actually is a proven winner at a difficult place to play. A coach who has his own built in fanbase.

Who dare I suggest?

Kidding again! h/t: EDSBS

The dread pirate Leach will [lock in a closet joke] with an assault on their broadside.

Texas was held to a field goal and Bama scored a TD. The score is now 24-6 going into the 3rd. Colt will not return. Texas had Bama on the ropes. This injury might be the biggest part of Bama getting, what they call, # 13.

You know he was embarrassed but it was an honest slip of the tongue.

Or: SEC ACTION NEWSBRIEF TWO! THE NEWSBRIEFENING!

Or at least the guy who made the single greatest run of “success” in Kentucky history. He brought them to four straight bowl games. Bear Bryant couldn’t do that, and Bear Bryant once killed a Bear with nothing more than his fedora. And this year just might have pulled out his greatest trick. He won this year with little more than luck, pluck, and Randall Cobb. 

It’s true.  I checked.

I will miss Rich Brooks, and I hope you do too.

Mississippi State may have shocked people with a 5-7 season last year, but Dan Mullen’s latest commitment is a forward thinking move to shore up a real weakness. See, the Bulldogs may have been gritty. They may have been gutsy. But they were lacking in people having fun out there.

Enter one Dylan Favre. A nephew of you know who. He promises to be a gunslinger. The one thing Dan Mullen is truly missing. And I for one welcome my new SEC overlord.

THAT’S SUPPOSED TO SAY HAIL FAVRE!

H/t: Team Speed Kills

Alabama vs. Texas, BCS Championship Prediction Pick

It’s not the championship that we wanted. But it’s the championship we’ve got. Alabama looks to be a favorite. And in some aspects, there is a reason to believe the favorite will roll up on the underdog and fake them wish they were back in the House of Spears. But will they? I’ll tell you.

First of all, like Virginia Tech and Tennessee, this vibe is that of something hard-hitting and defensive. You have two of the top defenses in the country. You have two of the top offensive skill players in the country. The storylines are easy.

But the problem? Alabama has this tendency to find their way into tamping down the games of the opposing teams quarterback with their strong style. The Cody-McClain-Arenas triumverate locks it down on all three levels. And Texas has an offensive line that’s willing to let a defense pressure them. Nebraska almost beat them without an offense. Alabama’s defense is just as beastly.

But that being said? Mark Ingram’s not going to have an easy day either. Texas is the best defense in the country against the run. He’ll be decent. But if they’re expecting him to win the game for them. There will be issues. Concerns as well. Greg McElroy has to contribute something if they want to get the National Championship. They can’t bog down in the Red Zone if they want to beat Texas,

This is going to be the sort of game that seems like it will be borderline unwatchable. Both teams are built to stop the offensive skill position superstud. Alabama is going to generate pressure. Texas is going to run-stuff. And it’s going to be dirty and ugly and punch you in the face football.As for me? I don’t trust Texas doing enough to win. Alabama 16, Texas 13.  

Splashdown to a National Championship in 3…2…1…

South Carolina vs. UConn, Papa Johns Bowl, Prediction Pick 2009

I’m going to level with you sports fans. This whole concept of meaningless bowl games after New Years Day makes New Years Day meaningless and is another reason why this Bowl System needs to be exploded. But politics aside? The kid’s got things to analyze.

What UConn has? Two things. By know you know the tragic story of Jasper Howard and his murder in October this season. But what you might not know is they lost their next three games (including West Virginia and Cincinnati) in a painful fashion. They could have curled up and let this season end, but they didn’t. And at this point, feeling rewarded by a seasons extension may be worth a score.

But what the offense brings to the table? Like last year, it’s running. You could say that Donald Brown did the work of two men. Because it’s Jordan Todman and Andre Dixon doing their impression of the Miz and Morrison. And for what South Carolina brings to the table? It does help the Huskies cause.

But we’re living in a world where Stephen Garcia can start a run toward draftability. And how does he do that? On the backs of the UConn secondary. I’m not making any too soon jokes. But they’ve been thrown on all year. And Stephen Garcia was decent this year, according to my exacting standards. So, combine that with a good defense overall? And they’re not going to get launched.

The problem for South Carolina? The offensive line can do an impression of a sieve. And if you have a strong pass-rusher? It may not matter if you can get thrown on. Lindsey Witten will be drafted. He will be on an NFL roster next year. And if UConn wants to avoid getting into a shootout? He needs to get untracked.

The past couple of seasons? The SEC in Bowl games have done an impression of one of these things is not like the other. And what just wasn’t the same? The Gamecocks. They like to sleepwalk. They don’t take care of the ball, and they can get sacked. UConn will get the ball moving. And they will get the ball last. Don’t call it an upset. UConn 30, South Carolina 28.

I was ready to call this the end of an era. I was ready to eulogize the Gator era as a thematic sequel to the U. This event was stunning. Urban Meyer, who even the most ardent Gator hater would consider to be one of the greats of the game, was done with coaching.

And I could sympathize. Trying to balance family with coaching a school with massive expectations and a target on their back could burn out anybody. It’s happened to many greats along the way as well. So as such? I was going to manage as much eloquence as my right-brained blogging side could muster.

But like any good bowl game distraction, this story has mutated. Apparently? Urban Meyer isn’t going to be coaching for an indefinite amount of time. But as I type this, he expects to coach in 2010. So yeah, I guess.

But what does this mean? Well, the recruiting class is screwed up for 2010. Steve Addazio is to 2010’s preseason hype like Jonathan Crompton was for 2009. A running punchline. If this actually extends into 2010? No Florida fan will be happy.

But you know what else this means? I wasted 205 words on a non-story. Thanks, Florida. Thanks.