Second chances mean more hope...

Can never forget...The first time I gave my 2 year old a shot

2011-12-28T17:21:00.001-08:00

I will never forget... It's only been 7 months. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I remember the nurse, his name was Chris coming into the room and telling me her Sugar was @ 287 and we needed to "correct" her. I still hate that term..it's like there's something wrong with my daughter. I was holding my daughter in my arms while I slept. Her tiny body hooked up to an IV and the nurse walked me through figuring out the right dose. He handed me the insulin syringe and told me that I need to just pinch up her skin on her leg and push it in like a dart. I started crying. Chris sat down next to me, my husband was asleep in the couch/bed next to us not knowing the pain I was going through. As Chris guided me through giving my daughter the first shot of hundreds I have had to give her I cried. I am crying now thinking of it. How her body tensed up even in her sleep, not knowing what her mommy was doing. Hours later as she went low at 4am. I tried to rouse her to drink the 15carbs worth of juice and I cried again as she asked me to let her please sleep. Luckily she was able to drink in her sleep. And as I held her that night and the 2 nights after that we stayed in the hospital. All I could do is pray. Pray that my baby would one day see a cure. Now 9 months later. I'm praying for a pump, knowing that a cure may possibly ...maybe come in her lifetime...

Ups..and Downs...

2011-10-07T00:36:00.000-07:00

In the last few months we are getting into more of a status quo. It's so frustrating though because Sarah's levels will be good for a few weeks..and then we have to send over the numbers to the Endocrinologist and get it reviewed to have her levels changed. It's so frustrating. I want my princess to have better levels and things like that. I think I'd really like to get her on a pump and a cgm however hubby is totally not into that. he thinks that Sarah will have to slow down and might get caught on the tubing and such. I'm honestly not sure what will happen. I've been praying out it. God will lead us in the right direction I know.

My two oldest kiddos Jeffery 14 and Ashley 13 had parent teacher conferences today. Ashley did splendid and got all A's and a C in math. (WOOT WOOT Go Baby!!) and Jeffery did ok. He did get an F and a D, he know's the consequences of those grades however. I just hope the kiddos realize high school starts next year and if they keep messing around, they will be in a world of hurt.

I'm trying to find a beautiful piece of Jewelry for Sarah. I hate the huge charm she has to wear right now because it was cheap and quickly delivered. I hope somewhere someone has a beautiful piece of jewelry suitable for a 2 year old. Who ever thought..Hey I want to buy my 2 year old a piece of medical alert Jewelry. I want to buy a pair of low cost diamond earrings or sapphires...not a medic alert necklace (she won't wear a bracelet) Ideally I would love to buy her a cross necklace that doubles as a medical alert necklace as she loves my cross necklace that I have been wearing. Now to get back to searching for the right thing for our Princess.

Facts on Diabetes

2011-08-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

Every 36 minutes a child in the United States is diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

What is Type 1 Diabetes?
Type 1 diabetes occurs when the body's immune system attacks and destroys cells in the pancreas. Beta cells normally produce insulin, a hormone that helps the body move the glucose contained in food into cells throughout the body, which use it for energy. But when the beta cells are destroyed, no insulin can be produced, and the glucose stays in the blood instead, where it can cause serious damage to all the organ systems of the body.

Frequently Asked Questions about Type 1 Diabetes
Can children with Type 1 Diabetes grow out of the disease?
Nope... not unless a cure is found

What’s the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes?
Type 1 is an autoimmune disorder in which a person’s pancreas stops producing insulin. There is no cure for type 1.

Type 2 is a metabolic disorder in which a person’s body produces insulin, but is unable to use it effectively. Often times it can be controlled through diet and exercise.

What causes type 1 diabetes?
The causes are not entirely understood, but scientists believe both genetic factors and environmental triggers are involved.

What are the warning signs of type 1 diabetes?
•Extreme thirst
•Frequent urination
•Sudden weight loss for no reason
•Increased appetite
•Changes in vision
•Fatigue
•Sweet odor on breath

Honeymoon

2011-08-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

Sarah has recently had a lot of high's and lows. THis is indicative of the honeymoon phase of diabetes. This sucks. I'm so frustrated on the ups and downs and love the in betweens though! :).
Sarahis so good about the medications and pokes and sticks. We don't test her in the middle of the night yet however we are going to be possibly doing that since we find her to be so high lately.
If we don't continue to watch her very closely who know's what will happen.

Our two oldest kids continue to learn however the hubby and I have not had much of a chance lately to go out just us. I kind of miss it but at the same time I would be willing to give up date nights to make sure my baby girl is healthy. I'm pretty lucky that my twin sister is willing to learn to help so she will be taking a class on diabetes and how to administer her medication and everything. This is doubly important with my husbands health since we never know if he will ever need to go into the hospital. We don't want to have to just leave him alone in there because I have to take care of the baby. And if he's in the hospital I can't work unless she is able to help take care of Sarah.
I'm trying not to let diabetes take over our life however, in a way...we have no choice. Our lives are caught up in test strips, carbohydrates, exercise, and testing as well as shots...and it sucks. But Sarah is our miracle...The one I was told I should never ever be able to have because I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant.

I am so blessed. Three children...two of my heart. One of my womb and three joy's of my life.

Missions Trip for the Teenagers

2011-07-03T16:55:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago we dropped off our two oldest children at our Church. They were leaving to Yakima Washington to minister and help the Yakima Indians. We thought this would be a great trip for our children. Help them learn that those less fortunate deserved to have help. My son came back with a great understanding and a letter from one of the teachers as to my son's gift with children. And how they hope one day he will take hold of that gift and give back. (I'm thinking a youth minister one day? Hopefully) My daughter came back gabbing and gabbing about how great the trip was and a letter saying that if she would stop talking she could be great at details and such. I already knew this about her.

But then my son told on his sister, There were boys and girls both, segregated for bedtime however my daughter decided to act like the adult she is not..as she is only 13 and yet in a 17 year old girls body. She had her first kiss...and her second...and her third...all the while supposedly under the watchful supervision of the Pastor of our church and the youth pastor and one other member of our church. The kids were given free time and they utilized that free time in ways I wish were not allowed. I'm saddened that my daughter did not use the talks we had a million times and the knowledge she has about what is right and wrong and instead decided to indulge in behavior way beyond her years. But at the same time I struggle to decide what I should do about this. I have an email written to the boys' mom (the boys are a set of Triplets that are 16 years old!)but I hesitate to send it. The boys should know better. Just as my daughter does. One of the boys was told by the female teacher how inappropriate it was for a 16 year old boy to be a boyfriend of a 13 year old girl. I'm glad she intervened when she knew something was up. But I still sit here anxious and sad. If I am not supposed to keep them home and never let them out of my sight...how am I supposed to keep them safe when they won't even heed the warnings we have tried and tried to instill in them. This is definately going to prompt a lot more "talks" about right and wrong. And a whole lot more praying on my part that my children do what God has written and keep pure....

2011-06-09T19:13:00.001-07:00

2011-06-08T16:30:00.000-07:00


Happy in her new stroller

Dread...But a rebirth

2011-06-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

Three months ago started a new journey in our lives. My daughter Sarah started drinking a lot, and having huge overfilled diapers. On top of that was a constant diaper rash. Constant requests for more juice/water/milk/soda (her idea of soda is about 4tbsp of soda to 1 cup of water). But Sarah was still lethargic a lot. Didn't want to go outside nor did she want to just be a little girl. Most of her days were spent in my bed, watching TV. Eating a little...But mostly..sleeping and drinking.
Finally I could deal with it no longer. She had been in and out of the doctors office for the diaper rash as it was horrible, and each time he would say to use the cream and it would get a little better, until we stopped the cream and then it got bad again.

I put all the symptoms together..hit up Google and found what I wish was better news. The first website I came across said it was likely to be diabetes. Finally I went into her pediatrician requesting to be tested for diabetes. He gave me "the look" you know the look. The one that tells you that you've spent a little too much time googling and to please let the doctor do what he knows. Yeah well they call it practicing for a reason!!!

Finally we got out diagnosis...and instantly we were shoved into the hands of the capable staff at Phoenix Childrens Hospital. This hospital is truly a gift. The nurses were all incredably caring. Showing us how to give our baby girl the best chance at growing up normal all the while still caring for her. Sarah was loved by each person she was cared for by. My two teenagers were invited to play and have fun with Sarah and it was overall a great stay. Although we struggled with numbers for a little while it's getting better.

We have now been out of the hospital for a week and a half, Sarah is now willing to give you the finger she wants you to poke to check her sugars. She is thriving. One night around 9:30pm I was trying to wind her down for bedtime when she was not having it. She was jumping all around, laughing and playing and being a crazy 2 year old. I thought..Oh no..her sugar must be off. I tested her blood and she was perfect. Then I had to think for a minute...oh wait..this is what a NORMAL 2 year old with good blood sugars should be like.

We are adjusting to a new normal. Instead of a 2 second check to make sure we have diapers and wipes and a cup in a bag for a trip to the store or the mall, we now have to pack snacks and water and a blood monitor. Don't forget the insulin and emergency sugar(for her a juice box). Make sure we have enough alchol wipes and cotton balls, Syringes and bandaids. The actual prep to just leave the house now takes 15 minutes. Luckily my teenagers are the greatest. They know all the things she can have and help to pack her up every time we leave. I honestly think my husband and I are going to truly miss the teenagers when they go back to school in the fall. I don't know how single parents do this type of thing without the help and support of a true family.

In all the diagnosis hasn't changed anything...well except our budget, holy cow are diabetic supplies expensive as heck! We are still going on vacation next month although we are probably going to end up paying for additional bags now with all the stuff she will need. But I have my baby back. My hyper, mommy loving, playing little rug rat. She's loving her daddy and running and jumping and asking to go swimming and to the park. What more could a mom as for!!

Life

2011-02-28T19:05:00.001-08:00

It's been an amazing year.
My baby girl has gone from a barely walking toddling little princess to a full fledged toddler. She's running and hopping and jumping and giggling and cuddling and being a princess. She loves all things Curious George and Calliou. She talks and we are weaning her off the paci little by little. I'm amazed at her growth.

Add to all of the above, my two older children are officially mine. They became mine on 1/11/11 in a courthouse in Phoenix. They are officially mine. The day I received their birth certificates where the mom's name now stated mine, I cried. I love every minute of being a mom to those two kids. Granted they drive me nuts. Oh wow do they ever!!

Dennis and I are planning a family trip to New York in July. I can't wait to get to see the light in my children's eye's when they get to see the statue of Liberty. When we get to take them to see where our ancestors came through. And then the petting zoo at Central Park and a million other things we have planned in two weeks that we will be there.

God Thank you for my life and everything you have given me. My life is Blessed!

"The Call"

2010-05-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know if many people have heard this song as it is considered "Country" I heard it for the first time on my way home from work a few months ago. I cried for almost an hour afterwards. My family has been touched by suicide twice in the last five years. And I sometimes wish I knew how I could of stopped it. It's not possible... there will always be those that do it without any notice. Lord how I wish it was possible to spot things easier.
The song is my Matt Kennon ( http://www.mattkennon.com )
There have been so many times I have picked up a phone and called people becuase I relize that it's been too long since I have talked. I hope that one day I am able to make someone realize that they are loved and when they make a decision to do something... that that decision affects so much more than just them.
When my uncle killed himself in 2005, it affected our entire family, all of his friends, his co-workers/bosses etc. I will forever remember the phone call I got. I will forever remember the last time I had talked to him about a week before he killed himself. I remember talking to him about having gastric bypass surgery and whether he felt it was a good idea. A week later, I never got to tell him how much I loved him, how I appreciated his fight to stay sober for so long. To tell him how much I looked up to him for his strength. To tell him that he was one of the reason's why I never went into drinking or drugs. Because I saw when he fell. But I was so damn proud of him when he rose up after that fall and how he became a Christian and how I envied his faith.
Two years after my uncle killed himself. My grandmother went into a deep depression, she said she wanted to die too. My grandfather took her and checked her into a psychatric care center a few days later they deemed her not a threat to herself. About a week later, my grandfather went to the store, came home and found her in the backyard...dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound.
For the second time in two years (almost exact to the day!) my family suffered a serious loss. I will forever remember, I was sitting at work (just as I was with my uncles death) I was sitting at lunch when the phone call came in. My life stopped in that second that I heard my cousin tell me that she was dead. that it was at her own hand. I cried for an hour. I walked upstairs to my boss and told her I was leaving work. I walked to my car and sat stunned beyond all belief for over an hour. My husband went with me to California. I sat there through the entire ceremony trying to figure out why. Why would my grandmother with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren do this. She had so much...but she had lost all hope, faith..everything when my uncle killed himself.

For the last almost three to five years I have been very angry at my grandmother and uncle for a multitude of reasons. My grandfather lost his son the day my uncle killed himself, and then two years later he lost his wife. My grandfather is 86 years old. It's not fair that he had to go through this. I am so happy that my grandfather is so strong. I love that man more than anything can express. He is the rock of my family. The person that I can always look to for a much calmer response. Wheras i'm an act now think later type of person. He is the calm down and take care of it slowly and weigh out the options type of person. But I can only imagine how he feels every day knowing that his son and wife have left him long before either of them should have.

My grandmother was one of the most supportive people I could have asked for when I was a kid and had severe depression. She was the person who when I went thru my divorce explained how much love I had and how I would get over everything. How God would provide a child for me in his time not mine.

the third (for my grandmother) and fifth (my uncle) anniversaries are coming up at the end of the month. I'm so scared. I'm so angry and I'm so sad... Depression is a horrible horrible thing in our family and as I sit here I am overwhelmed. I am sad. And I wish I could understand. Why...

Please everyone..remember and pray for those that suffer from mental illness..both seen and unseen...

Seriously I know it's been a while since I've been active...But I promise I will try more

2010-04-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

Since Sarah has been born. (well even before..it think I blogged more when I was single) Life has been hectic. I love hectic with her around. This weekend we did a few different things. My step son went off with his paternal grandparents on a trip with a cousin. My step daughter went to my sisters house Friday night and Sarah was sick all weekend with tummy issues..let's just say what goes in..came out in explosive measures. ON Saturday my sister wanted to go bike riding. I have a trailer for Sarah so we went out to ride. Except the trail we wanted to ride was not good for her since she had my 4 year old niece on the back nor was it good for me trying to tow the trailer (which you can barely notice exists when riding on a street) So we ditched the trails and decided to head to Surprise and ride around the park there. It was great there were nice sidewalks to ride on and once we got the kids situated appropriately we had a great six miles. But then Sarah got Fussy and my niece Ryleigh wanted to play at the park and my nephew who is every high maintenance wanted out of the trailer. So I took them over to the playground and my Step daughter, older niece and sister went and rode another three miles.
Once we got back to my sisters house around 9pm we determined that Sarah had not had a really bad diaper all day (yippee since we had changed up to ten each day for the previous five days). So we gave her a little bit of food. And within five minutes...all heck broke loose and there was a trail running behind her. that was awesome to clean up!! YUCK!!
So my Step Daughter Ashley and I came home and finally decided to go to bed. We got up this morning and went to church and then went and picked up Jeffery and then went to lunch with my Aunt. We went to CiCi's Pizza. It was alright. Definitely not as good as I remember it from Missouri but the kids enjoyed it..and it's cheaper then taking them to McDonalds and letting them get adult value meals that they usually want. Darn it when did my kids no longer eat happy meals. Meals out with them have officially started costing a LOT LOT LOT more money. Now that Jeffery is 13 and Ashley is 12....They want adult meals. Darn kids growing up... I'm just not ready for this.
So after we ate with my Aunt Shirley and her daughter Jessica, we headed over to Wal Mart. I had to pick up a few things for dinner tonight (it's amazing how much stuff I don't need/want when I go to a store full of food already LOL) we got into the car and Sarah was out like a light. We got home and I had hoped she would go back to sleep so Momma could take a nap...that didn't happen. Gotta train that girl better.
So I played online a little, played with Sarah, played Wii with the kids..and now the kiddo's are all in bed. Hub's and I are in the living room...He's playing a hunting game on the Wii and here I sit.

Honestly..this has been a great weekend..and I'm very sad that in less than 45 minutes...it will be over... and time for me to go to bed so I can go to work in the morning....

Thank you to those that prayed my baby girl would get better. As of right now it seems like she's feeling lot's better.

Ahh Life and an update!

2010-02-12T23:11:00.000-08:00

Things have been going great. Work has been horribly busy but I am thankful to God that I have a j ob and a well paying one at that. So in the last few months we've been taking Sarah and the kids out more and more as a family.
recently we went to the Monster Truck Jam in phoenix, Arizona...Photos are below (or above if I can't figure out how to post them right.) We are oing to Monster Jam World FInals in Las Vegas, NV next month...our whole family is excited...Now someone somehow get Sarah to start wearing her earphones..cause she screams when she takes them of and the monster truck revs the engine..and honestly I don't want my baby to have a hearing problem!!

Long time no see

2009-12-22T16:02:00.000-08:00

I have been so busy. Since the last time I posted I have seperated and now reuinted with my husband. I have worked catastrophe duty doing 18 hour days for two weeks and now we are busy as can be with Christmas and work and My baby girl and two step kiddos.
Life is good. I think the seperation really was one of the best things for us. It gave us insight as to what eachother really really wants. I believe we both learned a lot of things about what are important.

Life is good. It is Sarah's first Christmas and I am incredably excited. My little Sarah Beara is going to enjoy her first Christmas in California at her Grandpa Johnny's house and with her uncle Raymond and Aunt Lily and family.

Life is Good
God Is Great!

I'm Angry

2009-10-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

I don't even know how to go into this.
Last week on 10/13, I left my home of three years..drove to the courthouse downtown and filed for divorce. I just could not do it anymore. I couldn't take the anger the pain the constant disrespect. I just could no longer stand the arguments or the attitude. It wasn't just one person that caused my marriage to fail. I hold part of the pain myself. But honestly it was a few different people. I wanted so bad to make it work but I just could not any longer. I want my daughter to grow up happy and well adjusted. Three years ago I never ever ever thought I would end up being a single mother. I never thought it would end. No one ever goes into a marriage thinking..eh i'll give it a few months and if it doesnt work out...we can just go ahead and end it.

I want a happily ever after. Dennis and I are trying to work things out but honestly I need to start thinking more about what I want. Do I want to stay married? Do I want to give my daughter both a full time mother and a full time father?
I'm angry though. I'm angry all of a sudden he wants to be a father and I have to share. I'm angry that I am going to have to share with him. I'm angry that my baby is not just mine and because of my anger at him and my anger at the situation I'm not in the mood to play fair so that he get's to see her too. Who should have more custody me or him? I'm just so darn angry and so frustrated and honestly. I want someone to tell me it will all be ok. I'm not in the mood for the I told you so's or anything else like that.

7 Months already

2009-09-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

Dearest Sarh,
Today you turned 7 months old. I am amazed. You are the sweetest little princess. You are almost always happy and you love attention. Today we went to lunch with Aunt Liz and you giggled and laughed at the waitress but the second I walked away to go to the bathroom you cried. You know who I am and you hate whenI leave. You drive your daddy nuts with your crying...Maybe thats because I know exactly what you want almost every time you cry. He's clueless LOL. You are trying to hard to move around but would rather just roll wherever you want to be instead of trying to do that pesky crawling stuff. You love food. Today you had avacado for the first time. It was not a favorite however banana's, apples, and pea's all make you happy as well as a few of the mixed rice cereal/apples and things like that are your favorites as well. You will barely tolerate carrots and green beans..but eat them..just noth appily. You smile at everything you love your sister and brother.
You steal my heart, I love it. you always love to see me and when I get home from work the first thing I want to do is pick you up and hold you and snuggle with you. I love giving you a bath because you love to splash and laugh and play. I laugh every time I try to wash your hair when you start blowing bubbles in the water.
I'm sad that my baby girl is not the teeny tiny princess you were before, your becoming my little baby who will soon be my toddler..and before I know it you will be my teenager. Wow i'm scared!
I love you baby girl. Happy 7 month birthday

Updates

2009-09-17T20:57:00.001-07:00

So for the last six months my life has been a total change. I love it. Sarah has been great, she is teh most awesome little princess in the entire world. I could not imagine my life without her. She is on #2 foods and tonight gave me the scare of my life when she was eating a puff thingie and one got caught in her throat. I know that they dissolve with water but I still freaked the hell out and yanked her out of the high chair and swept the food out of her mouth instantly. she gagged and threw up a little bit but OMG I was like half a second away from calling 911~! My husband yelled at me for not watching her. Hell how much closer to her could I be since I was sitting right next to her. It just irritates me that I am the only one that ever pays any attention, i'm the only one that takes care of her 99% of the time and yet he has the audacity to tell me I wasn't watching her For Christs sakes i'm the only one that does. Grr..

I owe you photos I know

2009-08-26T15:06:00.001-07:00

My baby girl turned 6 months old two days ago. I can hardly believe it. She's attempting to crawl. She's sitting up for short periods of time. I am amazed every day by what she is doing. I cannot believe that this little tiny angel can take up so much of my time every day too! But without further ado...here are some photos.

I'm such a horrible blogging Momma

2009-08-02T00:51:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy. Let's start back to my last post.
In the end of June we decided to take a vacation before the Monsoon season hit and my work picked up so we spent 4th of July in Colorado Fishing/camping. It was fun but since Sarah is still so young I didn't get to do much of anything besides take photos and subsequently lose them because my SD card totally failed me. So I had to get a new one.
Once back in Arizona I have been working like a fiend. Sarah is growing so much. Between work and making sure her needs are taken care of I find myself with very little time. Since my husband leaves the majority of her care to me. I don't get the internet time and such. And since she's growing and no longer just a sleep/eat/poo type of baby LOL it's more work. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Tonight we went to Monster Truck Jam. The kids had a blast. Sarah even loved it.
I'll put up some photos soon :)
Gotta go though since it's ONE am...gawsh time never is on my side.

Sorry for the hiatus

2009-05-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

I got back to work last month and with that dropped my allowable internet time. When I am home I am too busy smelling the sweet smell of my baby girl. A lot has gone on in the past few weeks. Last weeked my twin sister decided to tell the family. SHE'S PREGNANT. Which is great. When I was a kid I always knew my sister would have three children. (we are twins. I cant help but predict her future LOL) Most of the family members are hoping for a boy (we need more boys!) however my brother in law thinks it's twins. When we mention this to my sister she just freaks the heck out. Thinking she wouldn't be able to handle it. And my brother in law...the non church going one (although he believes in God he believes that church's are too commercialized and are too money hungry) anyways always reminds her that God will never give us more then we can handle. Funny how we all sometimes need this reminder.

And on to the other thing that has kept me busy. Dennis had surgery this past Wednesday. We still do not have the pathologist report. I honestly don't know if it's bad or good. The dr said the sample was quite large and the pathologist was taking extra time on it (is that a good sign? or a bad one?) So for those of you that Pray please pray good things. Anyways while he's home he has a catheter (the cyst was on his bladder and since they had to remove part of his bladder he cannot have any stretching of the bladder and thus he's on a catheter. which sucks because his wussy butt can't clean it out. So that falls on me...ARGH!!! However he is at least able to get up and down from bed and he's able to go out on to the couch and leave me alone in the bedroom LOL.
I'm off to lay down with Sarah again. She's taking her after noon nap :)

Catherine

Why...

2009-05-02T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here...Sad...Thinking how can anyone shake a baby. Why would anyone shake a baby. It's the worst thing ever. If a baby will not stop crying...Put them DOWN..WALK AWAY. I sit here with my daughter laying in my lap she's cooing at me and I am totally in lovewith her. Unfortunately Noah Whitman's parents are struggling with what life has dealt them. Noah was shaken by his daycare provider. Shaken to the point of severe brain damage. Please Pray that God will heal this little baby. that this child's family will be cradled in the Lord's arms. Please visit his family at Noah's website http://www.noahsroad.com/ and leave them an uplifting message.

Pissed off

2009-04-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

Today I was in the shower...and I look up and see HELP ME inscribed in the shower wall. WTF. I called my husband into the bathroom while I was still in the shower...
My husband went directly to my son who is notorious for doing stupid crap like that. So... My husband calls my son in it and what does he do..he lies. So he lies again. I call him on it and he lies.
So finally my husband explains that if he is lying, and we find out Ash did not do it (she's at church with some friends and thus we cannot question her) that he will get in trouble no atter what cause then we will know he is just continuing to lie to us. So finally after almost an hour my husband asks him again if he wants to continue in the lie or be honest. Finally the little fool is honest. But WTF...why lie if you did it? Why lie at all? And furthermore..>WTF!!! Why the heck did you do this? What reason did he have to write HELP ME on the darn wall (he inscribed it with a push pin he's 12 years old we should not have to take all sharp objects away from him!!)
Finally i'm done though. I"M done with the lying, with him deliberately destroying things. A couple of weeks ago we were leaving to go to vegas when we found out that he bit two kids at school. so he got punished and didnt get to go..but in all of that we found out that he cut the girls pants and jacket that she had on two days before. So he's just being a destructive SHIT HEAD. and i'm done with it. i'm so tired of trying to reason with a child that just doesnt give a flying F!!!
Honestly if anyone has any idea how to get him to stop lying and just friggin be honest~!~~~please let me know..

Survey Says :)

2009-04-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Don't have one..don't know what happened to all of them. I went to Ohio last year with two..came home with none..ODD...
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Of course..she's my baby girl.
4. Do you plan outfits? Gawsh no.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Tired.
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red? The new Elmo Onesie I got for Sarah today from Target...cause you know that's my favorite place of all times :)
7. What was the last dream you remember having? I don't dream much..
8. Did you meet anybody new today? Nope
9. What are you craving right now? Sleep
10. Do you floss? When I remember too.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? YUCK
12. Are you emotional? yes
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Yes
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? depends..is it a cone or a cup? or what?
15. Do you like your hair? not at all. I need a haircut.
16. Do you like yourself? sometimes yes, sometimes no
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Heck yeah I would! That would be awesome!
18. What are you listening to right now? NCIS
19. Are your parents strict? Nope.
20. Would you go sky diving? No reason to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? sometimes.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes,
23. Do you rent movies often? not very often..twice in the last year.but that was only cause the kids had a sleepover..and I discovered RED BOX..
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room in which you are? nope..
25. What countries have you visited? Mexico
26. Have you made a prank phone call? Of course! I was a pre teen once
27. Ever been on a train? Yeppers..Amtrak
28. Brown or white eggs? White.
29. Do you have a cell-phone? I have a work cell and a personal cell phone..
31. Do you use chapstick? I do..
32. Do you own a gun? a couple of them.
33. Can you use chopsticks? yeppers
34. Who are you going to be with tonight? My husband and kiddos.
35. Are you too forgiving? I've been known to be
36. Ever been in love? yup
37. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? I have no idea.
38. Ever have cream puffs? Yes
39. Last time you cried? this morning
40. What was the last question you asked? Did you brush your teeth
41. Favorite time of the year? Spring
42. Do you have any tattoos? No
43. Are you sarcastic? often
44. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? nope
45. Ever walked into a wall? I'm sure I have.
46. Favorite color? Blue
47. Have you ever slapped someone? Yes.
48. Is your hair curly? Not at all..
49. What was the last CD you bought? Umm Taylor Swift..(for the kids I swear!)
50. Do looks matter? Yes
51. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I don't think so.
52. Is your phone bill sky high? nope..my husband would kill me if I did that.
53. Do you like your life right now? I shall plead the fifth.
54. Do you sleep with the TV on? No...I sleep with a fan on though.
55. Can you handle the truth? I always prefer the truth.
56. Do you have good vision? Yes.
57. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Hate..nah..too much effort to hate. dislike..yes
58. How often do you talk on the phone? Since my work requires it..i'm on the phone quite often.
59. The last person you held hands with? Umm probably Ryleigh last week
60. What are you wearing? sweat pants and a work t-shirt
61. What is your favorite animal? Dog
62. Where was your profile picture taken? Umm.. I believe in Vegas.
63. Can you hula hoop? not in the least
64. Do you have a job? I'm a mom, and a claims adjuster.
65. What was the most recent thing you bought? Gas
66. Have you ever crawled through a window? not because I wanted too

Compassion

2009-04-13T23:12:00.001-07:00

Today I had to run some errands. off to Costco we went. One of my favorite places I tell ya :)
While I was in the store I had to run off to the bathroom and change Sarah.
While I was in the bathroom a young girl, her brother and her mother were in the bathroom. The young girl went potty on her own and washed her hands and stood patiently by. The young boy was/is afflicted with Downs Syndrome. He ran to the sink and washed his hands and got his paper towel and then he saw Sarah. his eye's lit up. He started saying something in spanish (I think) and he was also signing to his mom. At the same time he reached out to touch Sarah his mom quickly told him to not touch the baby and grabbed him away quickly. I told his mom that it was ok he could hold her hand. (hey he had washed his hands!) He then signed something to his mom and she said that he was saying Baby. and then Said SMALL Baby. Too darn cute. after a minute his sister who was patiently waiting nearby asked to please touch the baby. These kiddo's were between 5-8 years old. and so cute. The mom said thank you. I asked her "What for?" And it was then she advised me that so many people shy away from her son. Because he has Downs? how sad. This little polite boy wanted nothing but to touch the little baby. He was so Gentle and polite and caring about Sarah. And yet he had felt prejudice in his lifetime because someone was afraid of him? Afraid of what I have to wonder....This little kid was about four foot tall, probably fourty lb's maybe alittle more...and nothing but full of love..and yet...people dont like to talk to him. how incredably sad. How sad for a mother to tear up because a stranger show's some compassion. Some desire to allow a child to learn.
All I can do is pray that some day people obtain some compassion and caring towards everyone. Just sayin...

I'm so not good at blogger so here are some photos in a not so fancy post

2009-04-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

In no particular order..here are some photos of my baby girl :)

I don't wanna go back to work

2009-04-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

I know I am totally lucky in the fact that I work from home 60% of the time and 40% of the time I am out and about in the city working. But I have to say I am not ready to go back to work full time. I want to stay home with my baby girl. I want to enjoy my time with her and cuddle her and enjoy being a mommy like I have for the last going on eight weeks. I miss her when I am away for even ten minutes let alone a ten hour day on the road for work. I know I don't have a choice. Unless I feel like getting a divorce (although quite often I do feel like getting divorced) and marry a rich guy... I am stuck. I have to provide insurance for my family, I have to provide financial stability. It sucks. I'm the mommy...I want to stay home with my baby. And yet that is NOT an option for me. and some days I really really hate my husband because of that. When we first met he worked at a good job making good money. And now..he's home..on disability..not caring and not taking good care of the family as he should. I mean literally he doesnt cook, doesnt clean, doesnt anything. And frankly I just want to be a mommy. I am scared to death of what will happen in June when I have to go to Ohio for four full days. And I will not be here to protect and nurture my daughter. I am scared that I will get called out for a catastrophe and have to be gone for four weeks. I love my job...but really...i'm not so sure it's worth me being away from my daughter that much. I have to figure something out though. Either that or I have to get over the fear of leaving my husband with my baby.