Had a scare yesterday where I didn’t completely read a letter I got from the VA. Thought they were cutting me out of the VA system, but actually, they were denying my emergency room claim from January. Y’know, where I did the faceplant on my kitchen floor?

Paying $170 for the damn E.R. visit is much better than having to switch all of my doctors, I have to say. Lesson learned…read EVERYTHING. Then panic.

Doctor visit this morning. My blood sugar readings are highest in the mornings, generally always above 200. So we’re moving back to an evening dose of long-acting insulin. Just a small dose, so I don’t feel all that panicked. Not too worried about crashing – my sugars are fairly under control. I haven’t had a low-sugar event in a couple of months or so.

I go back in a couple of weeks for another follow-up. New lab tests in a month, right after Shannon gets here.

The YOR exercising? Going well. I’m doing the 5-days-a-week thing. And though I haven’t yet found something that trips my trigger, I’m still sticking with it.  This week, the Zumba class starts, and even though I’m told it will kick my ass, I’m going to try it. I figure if I can get in on the ground floor, maybe I have a shot. Then again, if it kicks my ass the very first class?

There’s other stuff I haven’t yet tried, but am already convinced it’ll be too hard. A Pilates/Yoga class. Belly dancing. Hatha yoga. So far, most of my activity at the Y is treadmill (still). I tried a stationery bike thing yesterday, and that was cool. May go with that one some more. If it weren’t for my iPod, I’d be bored out of my skull. I’m still bored, but at least I have tunes. And sometimes Adam Carolla’s podcast.

Tomorrow, I go to see Ben Folds in concert. Woo hoo! Never seen him live before, and I can’t wait. Tickets were a reasonable $34. Now, if I could just cough up $70 or so to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (with Joe Cocker as an opener!), that’d rock even more.

Poppy recently wrote about filling up the self-worth tank. Good post, great idea, but no surprise, considering the source.

Soooooo, here’s the challenge: Fill up someone else’s self worth tank. Let’s say nice things about how awesome each other is so that we feel like our existence on this planet is not a waste of space, time, and energy. If you’re strong enough to say nice things about yourself, then do that too.

I’m gonna start today with the hardest part…saying nice things about ME. That shit gives me the heebie jeebies, but bear with me. I’m not well-versed at this stuff.

I’m smart. I mentioned this briefly in my 100 Things list, but my I.Q. only rarely manifests in obvious ways. Just because I’m smart doesn’t mean I don’t make plenty of bonehead moves. Oh, right…NICE things. See? Told you I’m not so great at this.

On occasion, my brilliance does shine. Case in point:

When I was a little kid, around 9 or so, my parents were both working. I had a babysitter, of course, who was a teenager and more interested in boys and cranking Queen records than keeping up with my sister and I.

My father had this amazing smutty magazine collection, which I’d recently been perusing whenever I had the chance. There were a handful of neighborhood kids over at my house and I told them I had something to show them.

We go into my parents’ bedroom and close the door. I slide open the closet door and point to the shelf up top. STACKS and STACKS of mags, each complete with naked women in lots of odd positions with naked men.

Ages of the kids ranged from 14 down to around 6 or 7. Johnny, the teen, pulled down a couple of stacks for us to look through. We all got on my folks’ bed and started paging through the mags.

Oh my God. GROSS! She has his thing in her mouth!

Why would anyone want a thing in their mouth?

Look at this! His thing is in HER thing!

She looks like she’s in a LOT of pain!

Do you think that’s what ALL policemen do with women?

Our burgeoning education of naked things came to a sudden halt, however, when I heard my father’s car pull up in front of the house.

“Oh no! It’s my DAD!”

And five boys started freaking the fuck out, gathering all the dirty magazines in a heartbeat. Most of them ran from my parents’ bedroom, not heeding my pleas for help to restore the bedroom to its proper working order.

My life was flashing before my eyes. I stacked the mags, and shoved them back up onto the closet shelf.

It was then that God decided to have me killed.

The shelf came toppling down inside the closet. And approximately 847,000 porn mags crashed to the floor, spilling everywhere.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaah!

I was dead meat. My father would be coming in at any moment. All my friends had run out the back door, retreating to leave me to my execution.

Then…a flash of brilliance. Little Karl saw what had to be done.

I shoved all the magazines back inside the confines of the closet, grabbed Midnight (my black cat), tossed her inside the closet, and closed the door. And I ran from the bedroom, just in time to greet my father at the front entryway. I was damn proud of that maneuver, proof that I could think fast on my feet and avoid certain death.

I finally admitted to my father that Midnight wasn’t the culprit…y’know, around 20 years later. Naturally, he and my stepmother both laughed and acknowledged what a smart move I’d made.

Perhaps I’m just a porn-savant, I don’t know. But either way, I’m smart.

I even understand why it’s not such a bad experience to have my thing in her mouth. And that the reason why she looks like she’s in such pain when my thing is in HER thing is because I forgot to pack my lubed shoehorn.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36498826@N02/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

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I hate Daylight Savings. It’s an antiquated, ridiculous practice we should have dropped long ago. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind it in the autumn, when we “fall back” an hour. An extra hour of sleep rocks.

It’s the “spring ahead” part that fucks me over. I woke up at what should be 8:30 this morning, but was actually 9:30. I don’t see how me having to reset all the damn clocks is helping me in any way. There’s the stove clock, the microwave, the car clocks, the coffeemaker, the vacuum cleaner, the vibrator, the two wall clocks, the alarm clocks…ugh. At least my alarm clock has a simple switch on the back for Daylight Savings. Flip it, and the time automatically moves forward (or back) an hour.

Daylight Savings needs to be abolished. It serves no freaking purpose any more. How many of us are up at the crack of dawn, milking the cows and harvesting crops? And even if you ARE, do you think the fucking cows give a shit about the clocks?

“Um, you wanna get your hands off my nipples, please? I’m not due for a milking for another hour yet.”

All this is my public service announcement to say, “Hey, don’t forget to put your clocks forward an hour. You don’t want to be late for work tomorrow.

Now for a joke, sent to me by my friend, Margie.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer from her purse and attempts to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the  flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says:

“Well, that’s just great…some  asshole’s got my pen!”

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Got nothing done today. My brain sometimes acquiesces and let’s me sleep, but not for long. It’s not a manic thing, either. Not having the luxury of naps to escape…*sigh*

I wonder how long it’s going to take. For lots of things. Meds. Mood. Me. How long does it take to gain a grip?

I’m tired of having very little to get excited about. Tired of being tired.

I want to feel better. I want to BE better. I want to not feel so damn lonely. I want…what I can’t have.

And that’s not frustrating in the least.

Blogged via iPhone

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I’m TK-280, but friends call me Herb. The long trip from Hoth to this blue Earth globe was hellacious. And while I was in suspended animation to get here, Ted decided to be funny and put my lower armor on backwards. But I made it just the same. And after I etched “Rebel without a Clue” on Ted’s helmet, and took an hour to fix my armor, I managed to scale down the giant tower the hairless wampas call a “mailbox.”

What it is I’m expected to do here, I don’t know. But once I was inside the giant base of the hairless giant wampa known as Karl, I found some other clones hidden away. Turns out they’ve been waiting on me to organize our campaigns.

We found a stockpile of large lance weapons known as “syringes.” This Karl creature has no clue the level of wrath we shall rain down upon him.

That’s me on the right.

The guys and I shall commence taking over this central Florida region forthwith. Once we finish sampling this amazing Guinness beverage. *hic*

PS: I found a listing of other clones here on Earth. Together, we shall…ooh, what do you call this magical disc? Pizza. Niiiice.

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Tonight, 2HRadio returns with a vengeance. My guest is Maria, aka Mommy Melee. Hope you’ll be there to listen and say hi. Everyone is welcome to call in.

Showtime: 10:00 PM EST, 9PM Central, 8PM Mountain, 7PM Pacific. Chatroom opens 15 minutes before showtime.

Call-In Number: 724-444-7444, Call ID 23738

Show Link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/23738

List of future guests can be found here.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: To avoid browser problems (which some people tend to have with Talkshoe), you should do the following:

1. REGISTER AT TALKSHOE BEFORE THE SHOW.

2. DOWNLOAD THE TALKSHOE CLIENT.

The Talkshoe Live client works great and (for my money, though it’s free) offers a better chatroom experience.

Look forward to seeing you all there tonight. Can’t wait to chat with Maria.

SillyBring Details

For those that are coming to Sebring for SillyBring on April 24, I’ve got a few hotels I can recommend.

We’ll probably be out and about doing stuff during the day on Saturday, then going to a watering hole for the evening.

HOTELS

Holiday Inn Express

La Quinta

Residence Inn

Quality Inn and Suites

They’re all within 5-10 minutes of each other (and me).

If you’re driving in, it’s pretty much a given you’re coming in on 27…that’s the main drag here. If you’re flying in (first of all, you’re nuts) then Orlando International is closest (airport code MCO). Tampa (TPA) is next closest.

Any questions? Email me (or text if you have my number). Or Twitter. Whatever, it’s easy to find me.

So far, we have 6 confirmed. If you’re coming, be sure to let me know.

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I’ve gained 7 pounds. Not sure why. I have been exercising. Isn’t that the point of moving, to LOSE weight? Or at least not gain any?

Sigh.

Waiting. I hate it. Yesterday, I waited with Mom at the doctor’s. Almost an hour. With weak Edge, at best.

Visit went well. Mom is now officially without both her leg brace and the thumb brace. We should hear from PT this week to schedule her therapy. You couldn’t pay me to be in that room when they start working her knee. I’m not ready to hear my Mom talk like Hilly.

Fucking cocksnuggling sonofaWHORE! Touch that knee again and I’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck, you festering pool of donkey piss!

Today, we went to Social Security to ask a few questions. They have a brilliant system. If you go into Social Security at, say, 15 years old…then, by the time you get to the window, you’re probably eligible for Medicare.

They also tell you to turn your cell phone off before entering. Whatever. Listen, I’m barely convinced that my cell phone is a threat on a plane 33,000 feet in the air. I’m certainly not shutting it off in the Social Security office. I did, however, mute it.

What? I’ve got to get my Moxie on.

Patience. I don’t have much of it. I quit asking God to give me patience, because it inevitably means He provides me a shitton of situations in which I HAVE to be patient. Screw that. I don’t have the patience to gain patience legitimately.

I don’t like waiting, especially when the ball is totally not in my court. I chomp at the bit, grasping at something to do while I sit around and do, well, nothing. Waiting on YOU. Ugh.

Waiting on friends. Waiting on doctors. Waiting on the assclown in front of me in the checkout line at the grocery store to pay with all coins. Waiting on my meds in the mail. Waiting on 2HT to be finished. Waiting on April to get here so I can see Shannon. Hate it all.

SecondHand Radio Returns

One thing I have been waiting for is SecondHand Radio to return. It’s been months since Mom broke her kneecap. I tried one show after that and it didn’t go over well. I needed a break while Mom healed from her break. Well, she’s walking around now – slowly, but steadily – without a splint, so that’s good.

Thursday at 10pm Eastern, 2HRadio comes back. My guest is the lovely Maria, aka Mommy Melee.

Please mark your calendars, tell your friends. We’re back. I’m returning to one show a week, though. Thursday nights. Twice a week was too much.

Live chatroom to play in while the show is on. You’re all welcome to call in and talk to Maria, say hi, ask questions, whatever. Go to the SecondHand Radio page and get all the info.

Looking forward to it. I’ve missed my show. Thankfully, the waiting for that is nearly over.

I haven’t lined up any other guests. If you know of someone you’d like to hear as a guest, let me know. Even if it’s you.

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I love music. I don’t know where I’d be without it, honestly. One thing the iPhone (iPod) does really well is music. I use Smart Playlists to sync songs all the time, love my iPod.

And there are some great music apps for the iPhone, too. Thought I’d share a handful of my favorites with you.

Moodagent – FREE

Moodagent is a really cool app I discovered not long ago, and best of all, it’s FREE. It profiles the music you have on your iPod and then lets you automagically create playlists based on your mood. Yes, your mood. You move five different sliders around. Based on the five sliders – Sensual, Tender, Joy, Aggressive, and Tempo – you figure out how you’re feeling, make the adjustments and then Moodagent does the rest.

The result is a playlist of 25 songs that all match your mood, like so.

You can also save and load playlists you’ve created with Moodagent. And if you’re not feeling the slider thing at the moment, you can click on the Search (magnifying glass) icon and hand-select any song on your iPod. Moodagent will then adjust the sliders accordingly for that song and create your playlist based on the song.

Very, very cool. Plus, it integrates with your iPod, so you can start a playlist, then exit Moodagent, and have your music still playing. (Unlike most music apps. At least, until Apple allows multitasking.)

Last.fm – FREE

Been using Last.fm for years now. It came before Pandora did. It’s a social music site. You sign up, create a profile, and it keeps track of your favorite music for you. That’s the basics. You can also use it like Pandora…enter an artist or song, and Last.fm will create a custom music station based on your selection.

Last.fm tracks all the songs you listen to. In fact, my favorite thing about Last.fm is what they call “scrobbling.” Thanks to a small download, every time I sync my iPhone through iTunes, Last.fm scrobbles all the songs I’ve played and uploads them to my account. It organizes everything…how often I’ve played each song, etc.

And my “neighbors” (friends) on Last.fm have access to my library, too. They can  listen to MY “station,” which is a great way to find great music. Another great way is to listen to your “recommended” music. Based on the music you’ve scrobbled so far, Last.fm finds recommended artists and puts them into a special station for you. Rocking service that I think everyone should be using.

Simplify Music 2 – $7.99

Simplify Music 2 is another great app. I got it for free a while back; now it’s $7.99, but it’s worth every penny.

Simply put, Simplify 2 lets you stream all the music in your iTunes to your iPod/iPhone. Now you don’t have to worry that you can’t fit all your music into that phone of yours…you have access to your entire music library. Provided you have iTunes up and running, of course. It forms a network connection between the Simplify app on your phone and the Simplify app on your computer.

Works fantastically.

Slacker Radio – FREE

Don’t get me wrong, I love Pandora, but rarely use it these days, thanks to Last.fm and Slacker Radio. Slacker is very similar to Pandora – you create custom music stations based on songs/artists you like. Again, it’s a great way to find new artists.

The difference, to  me, is that I think Slacker puts together a more organic sounding mix based on my selection. They put songs together that I’d never think to put together, but once I hear them together they click and make sense. Love, love, love.

Plus, I can select from musical genre stations. Sure, there’s your typical “80’s, 90’s, and Today” station, but I can choose from Reggae or Blues or any number of genres I want to hear. The only caveat is the occasional 15-second commercial (unless you buy the premium subscription, but it’s not required).

I can even listen to stand-up comedy. For instance, Steven Wright. Creates a comedy station just for me. Nice.

Great sound that streams via WiFi.

SoundHound – $4.99

How many times have you heard a song on the radio, or in someone’s car, and wondered who sings it? Look no further.

Load up SoundHound, tap the TAP HERE button, and let your phone listen to that song. SoundHound is remarkably accurate and should have your song for you in a matter of seconds. You can even hum or sing a song yourself and get results!

From there, you can Bookmark a song, Share it (Email, Twitter, Facebook), and even Buy it. It also looks up the lyrics for you, and corresponding Youtube videos.

GREAT app that will never leave my iPhone. I was lucky enough to get it for free way back when, but again…worth every penny.

Wunder Radio – $6.99

Listen to most any radio station around the world, people. Add in Weather radio, police and fire rescue scanners, accessibility for subscription satellite radio (Sirius/XM), and you have Wunder Radio. Damn cool app.

Find stations based on genre (talk, sports, pop music, new age, rap, etc.) or location (Great Britain, Australia, wherever). Listen to police scanners from your old neck of the woods (provided they’re in the list). Sometimes I tune in to some Dallas radio stations, just to hear the ads for my old hometown. Or British radio, same reason.

Streams great over 3G or WiFi.

There you have it…great apps to help you stay in touch with your favorite music, maybe even find some amazing NEW stuff to listen to.

You’re welcome. How about you? Have any fave music apps on your iPhone or iPod Touch?

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Finally went to Tai Chi this morning, and it’s a good thing I missed Tuesday and Thursday. Saturday is the beginner class. I followed along pretty well…having a full mirrored wall really helped. No idea what the hell I’m doing, but everyone says I did great.

There’s a lot of pointing fingers in the right direction, choreographed moves in slow motion that make me feel like I’m in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or some such shit. Breathing in while squeezing imaginary balls of energy. I don’t get it, but it was calming and that’s not a bad thing.

I’ll squeeze in some Wii Fit today, too. This week has been a total success. I exercised Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and today. Not a big fan of the water aerobics, and haven’t yet tried the Zumba, but I will when they start a new class in a couple of weeks.

How do I feel? Meh. Emotionally, still down in the dumps. I still feel exercise is boring, but I’ll keep it up. There are only 22 days left, after all. Physically, I still wind very easily, and hate sweating or pushing myself. On the treadmill, I stay in the “weight loss zone” and never make it to “cardio zone,” but hey…baby steps.

I may set up a date with a personal trainer, though I don’t have a lot of money to drop. There are a lot of machines in that gym and I should be using them. I just don’t know how, so a trainer would be most helpful. Though they’ll probably kick my ever-loving ass.

On to another topic. Men. And women. As a dude with 95% female friends, I find myself in a unique position much of the time. First of all, the Drama Quotient with mostly women buds is far higher than it is with mostly males. It’s just a fact. My male friends never ask me if their ass looks big in these jeans. They never drop gossip on my lap. “Did you hear what Joe did? He told his wife to ’shush’ while the game was on, and she was all, ‘Oh no you din’t!’” Or maybe, “Shenaynay looked at me weird at BlogHer. She better watch her back.”

No.

I have adjusted to the occasional Drama flare-ups and, honestly, it doesn’t bother me. Mostly. I still relate better to women, thanks to all my therapizing.

The other thing about having all these girlie friends is that someone is always going through relationship troubles. Mostly because men are (mostly) douchebags. I get that. Commitment issues, breakups via text, men are generally clueless dicks who wouldn’t know how to communicate if they absorbed every Rosetta Stone course there is.

I’m not here to defend the men. It’s a maturity thing, as far as I’m concerned. And let’s face facts: women usually trump men in maturity hands-down.

What I don’t understand is why so many women put up with shitty men/relationships to begin with. Insecurity, I guess? It’s perhaps the only explanation I can think of. Why else would you stay somewhere you’re not happy?

I’m not even talking about abusive men, necessarily, though there’s a lot of that, too. But if a guy is a rude ass, why stay with him? Because you think you can change him? Because you think you can’t get anyone better? Bullshit.

Listen, if a guy shows you no respect – the woman he purports to love – then you need to either have a heart-to-heart or get the fuck out of Dodge. If he doesn’t want to spend time with you. If he talks down to you, belittles you. If the only time he looks at you is when he’s hungry or horny. There are a million ways to show someone you love them, and a million ways to show you don’t think shit of them.

It’s frustrating, especially when some women give the prunts third, fourth, tenth chances…only to come crying about him again weeks or months later. Because he doesn’t change. Douchebags rarely do. Oh, sure, for  a little while, perhaps. He’ll be all flowers and taking out the trash for a time. Then it’s back to business as usual. And the older the guy is, the more likely it is he’s not changing. Especially for you.

Believe me, if you’re in a bad relationship, you can do better. A friend gave me advice once about judging a person’s character. Watch how they treat a waitress. If they’re rude to her, they’ll be rude to you. If they ogle her and flirt with her and treat her like a blow-up doll, you can be sure that’s gonna happen frequently both with you and with people that aren’t you. And if they tip shoddily, they’re cheap bastards.

Other little things. Does he open your door for you? Does he actually listen and pay attention when you’re talking, look you in the eye and engage with you? Does he do special little things for you?

This seems common sense to me, but it must not be because I see women putting up with utter bullshit all the time. Women that have settled. Ugh. It’s nauseating.

You deserve better. And sometimes better is all by yourself.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikebaird/ / CC BY 2.0

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First off, I’m honored to have been included in today’s edition of Five Star Friday. It’s my first time there and, naturally, it’s my post about suicidal thoughts that got me there. Not the funny, no…it’s all this emo shit that seems to be hitting home with some people. Go figure. Thanks for thinking of me, means a lot.

CONTEST

Next, here’s your chance to win a $25 gift certificate from Eden Fantasies. Go over to Shannon’s blog here. Read the post/rules. Email her your biggest sex disaster story, and you could win. I’m one of the judges, so make it good. Contest closes at midnight on Sunday (Central time).

Go. NOW. ENTER.

I keep skipping the Tai Chi class, but tomorrow at 9:15 I’m hitting it. Did another 30 minutes on treadmill today. So many machines in the Y, and that’s the one I’m comfortable with. I’m so out of shape, I could probably hit nothing but the treadmill every day and be good.

That’s it for today. Not feeling very creative. Not feeling very anything, really, except lazy and like sleeping the day away. But sleep isn’t coming easily.

Later. Have a good weekend.

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So it’s official. Bubblewench is coming to Sebring toward the end of April. Not many of my blogger buds can say they’ve been here…not many can say they WANT to be here, but still. Shannon wants to meet up with her Florida buddies. Therefore…

We’re having a get together, and you’re invited if you can get here.

WHAT: SillyBring

WHEN: Saturday, April 24

WHERE: Sebring, Florida

I’ll research hotels if you want to come and stay the night. If you’re driving from Tampa, it’s about 2 hours drive. Orlando, about 90 minutes. If you’re flying in, Orlando International is the way to go (airport code MCO).

I don’t expect much response here, but if you do come, here’s some of what we’re thinking about. Karaoke at the infamous Why Not Lounge on Saturday night. It’s a hole-in-the-wall cave of a bar, but it’s full of characters, trust me.

We may also go to Gatorama during the day, which is a gator farm offering the largest selection of gators and crocodiles anywhere! So they say. You can even pet a baby gator.

Depending on how many people come, I also have a Wii with a 60-inch TV. I’m not having 20 people in my house, but again, I don’t expect even 25% of that in numbers, so we’ll see.

We can hit the Blue Lagoon for beers and dinner. Or the Wild Turkey, which has the best gator tail in Highlands county.

Gonna have a blast.

If you’re thinking of coming, leave a comment here…or email me.

EDIT: I didn’t realize this was the same weekend as TequilaCon. Oops. No matter. I knew I couldn’t go to TequilaCon this year, anyway. May as well bring the party here, since Shannon is coming. I hope that my TC buds all have a great time. But we will, too.

REDESIGN

So with the redesign of SecondHand Tryptophan coming within weeks, I’m opening up the floor to suggestions/ideas for the new look. If there are features you’d like to see, please let me know. I have a good idea of where I’m going with things, but I’d love to hear from you, too.

Again, comments here or email would be appreciated. Thanks, gang.

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