Secret Truths

2004-02-11T16:00:00.000-05:00

i feel really really left out of things. everyone has so much intheir lives that i'm not a part of. i'm nothing to everyone. just kinda a person that is background.

i want to be someone.

i'm scared i'll say or do something that isn't nice. i'm not a very nice person. i really do regret a lot of the things i do but i don't know how to repair them

2004-02-04T02:37:00.000-05:00

its like the roles in all relationships has slightly shifted in the last few days. just everything is in adifferent state. its being on the verge of discovery, having it in your grasp, yet not being able to wrap your fingers around it. i really am unsure of eveything and everyone and myself, and who i am, and where i'm going and whats my purpose in it all. like why can't i just have a bit of clarity? i feel so unattractive, so unadorned, un seen forgettable. i don't want to have to see the world, i don't want the world to see me. i just want to disappear from it all. i don't know what to think about reality rght now. theres just so much static in it. so much fuzz, jjust a general lack of clarity. im seeign all this beauty in new things, yet loosing grip of what the beauty really means. that iot means life, existence. i jiust grow further and further away from existence. i don't know what to think of the world right now. its just so bloody illogical. shift. change. rotate.

*sigh*.

i'm loosing sight as to why i even bother. it all leads to nothing basically. to even try is like giving up in away. making yourself a slave to a label. to an existence. choose to be nothing. to be unimpressionable, to be solid. just choose to know your own existence as to what ever it may or may not be. la a claim on your own thoughts. too often are we giving away our thoughts and emotions at a drop of a hat. start keeping yourself for you. i never am going to bother again. i'm going to take solice in the experience that i'll expose myself to. the thingsthat will let me see for me. i don't need an outside force to make me feel validated. i don't need it. i don't need your allowance to think and feel. stop devalulizing my self.

2004-01-31T14:17:00.000-05:00

Respect is really beautiful. To acknowledge people and their differences/ preferences and then respect that they are a human with different beliefs is really beautiful. Knowledge is so comforting, learning is essential. Experiencing life with an open attitude really is the best way to go. You can’t fully experience anything if you close yourself off. Your mind isn’t open so therefore you can’t fully experience the moment. Life is nothing but a compilation of moments. One must open themselves up and feel every moment, and appreciate it like it is their last. Without experience you are nothing. Humanity is beautiful and full of endless potential. I want to take this feeling I get from you and make it into a blanket and be wrapped in it forever. It would be so warm and comforting. I never want this feeling to go away. Music makes the people come together. I want to dance to the sounds of life forever. Everyone should feel like they are going somewhere. The future is really exciting. It’s just potential. I never want to be fully complete. I always want to change and grow and expand. Completeness is so final. Expand your mind. The stars provide us with so much direction. Cogito ergo sum. Feel the moment and all the potential beauty in it.

2004-01-31T14:09:00.000-05:00

I stood looking up at the sky. I felt the sun beaming down on my face. I turned and looked at you. You looked so comfortable, I never wanted you to have to leave this moment. I watched your beauty illuminate from every point of you being.
It was so nice a feeling. I just wanted to hold you. I want to hold you forever. Never let this feeling escape from my grasp. I don't understand where all these feelings come from, they almost seem unwarranted. I don't deserve the happiness you give me. The feeling you let me have. I just want to scream and shout and let it all out. I want the world to see your infinite beauty, but then I also want to keep it all to my self. Be some what selfish with the beauty I found in you. I want to hold you forever. Feel your prescence around me.

2004-01-28T22:55:00.000-05:00

[ Tue Dec 09, 03:45:29 PM | Dorothy Robson | edit ]
I've finaly found it,
the solution I've been looking for.
I've finnly found it,
the key to happiness' door.
I've finaly found it,
the love to break the fear.
I've finaly found it,
the one I respect, and love so dear.

*****************************
My Mind is up,
my body follows,
wherever the party, I am there.
My mind is free,
the juices running.
Do I dare, do I take another pill?
Make this ecstacy last?
Probably, but what they hey?
Life happens right?
Live it to its fullest,
But I don't want to live
Not here,
Not in this way,
So I drop another line.
Now I'm better

*****************************

Here I go again,
Spinning around.
Whirling,
Spiraling,
but is it up?
Or is it down?
Am I staying in the same place,
or moving forward?

Wheeee.....
Parks are fun,
roller coasters are,
maybe thats why I'm always on one.

*****************************

Come little child,
let me hold you in my embrace.
Gaze into your eyes
feel inside your blood
as it runs down your neck.

I want to taste you,
inside and out.
Make you a part of me,
unite us forever.

I want you to be a part of me,
I want to be your lover,
I want to own your dead empty soul.

Come little child,
let me hold you now.

*****************************

I'm purged of my emotions,
falling in the depths of my mind.
So scared of these thoughts
I bottle up inside.

I contimplate death, but can't take the step.
Too scared to the pain that no one will feel.
I want to be loved, have my heart returned,
but no one dares to see the world that I do.

My mind scream, it shouts.
this is silenced by my voice.
Whats the sense in speaking, if nobody hears?
Whats the sense in feeling, when your hear is dead?

*****************************
[ Wed Nov 05, 05:09:40 PM | Dorothy Robson | edit ]
Masturbation leads to procrastination,
The corruptor of our youth.
Hopes and dreams and full of lies,
the stories of our lives.
**********************************************
Rain, rain, go away.
Bring me back my Cole to stay
If I shall die before I wake,
Give my Cole my soul to keep.
**********************************************
TAP TAP TAP
"Let me In, I need to escape-
from this prision that has been built around my mind.
I need to escape
From the world in which i reside."

"You don't want to be here little girl.
Be careful before you wish.
Think before you escape.
The walls the confine, also protect you."

"I've made my choice.
I now know who I am.
This life isn't me, its not meant to be.
I've been misplaced...please let me escape"
*********************************************

2004-01-28T22:07:00.000-05:00

i want to take this feeling. the feeling you give and weave it into a blanket and be wrapped in it forver. i love your touch. it hurts that its absent. i feel like such a loser. why even bother? why am i even human? this doesn't make any fucking sense.i just feel like somethings missing. like a part of me is uneven, unbalanced. its a scary feeling because i don't know whats missing so i can't go get it. i hate feeling out of control. like i have no options. its really discomforting. its yucky. i hate it. i want it to go away.

sigh.

2004-01-28T14:06:00.000-05:00

I talked to kyle for a long time on msn last night. it really made me feel better. he just seems so genuine. its really nice nad refreshing i guess more then anything.

i couldn't really sleep klast night my mind was just racing from thought to thought asnd there wasn't really any connection between the thoughts. it was really frustrating. i hate not knowing why my mind is doing the things that its doing. fuxors

2004-01-28T01:49:00.000-05:00

why think thinking leads to hoping. hoping leads to desire. desire leads to disappointment. disappointment leasd to thinking. its an endless cycle really. fuck it. throw up your hands and give up is what i say. i don't know if i'll give anyone the URL to this site. i don't know what i want its purpose to be yet. i don't know what i want to say. i just like sitting here at a keyboard typing whatever comes out. without any particular direction. just ramble about anything. i can't sleep. i want to sleep but i can't ii feel so weird. like i don't belong here.

2004-01-28T01:44:00.000-05:00

why feel this way? i don't know him. once again i build a one sided connection, hoping that one day my sentiment may be returned. one day maybe i'll be loved the way i love. do i love? do i even care really? who the fuck knows. i seriously must be one of the most selfish people i know. i hate life. its fucking pointless. youre born, your a child, youre a teenager, youre an adult, youre a senior citizen, and then you die. thats the only thing guranteed in life--death.