Secrets of a Black Heart

Peace Out

2009-07-29T20:49:00.002-04:00

As you probably guessed...I am abandoning my blog. Simply put, I could give a shit less about it anymore. I just don't have the time or the energy to do anything with it.

HOWEVER...

I miss my bloggy buds and would like to move our relationship out of the bloggy universe and into...

real life **gasp**

I have already started contacting some of you to give you my other email address. (Ya know, the one I actually check on an almost daily basis.) I will continue to do this little by little until I have switched over my entire bloggy brigade to the dark side. *Mwah-ha-ha-ha* If I haven't contacted you yet, don't get your panties in a bunch...I'm getting there. Feel free to leave me a comment here or email me at:

lunanik.secrets@gmail.com

to let me know you'd like to keep in touch. Of course I'd like to keep in touch with as many of you as possible.

I won't be deleting my blog just in case I feel the urge to blog again at some point. I mean, you never know, right? But I won't be posting anytime in the near future so feel free to delete me from your reader if you haven't already.

See you on the other side...

Luna

Caution...Way Too Much Information

2009-05-16T09:25:00.004-04:00

So, at this point in my breast feeding experience, I can shoot rockets of milk across the room. It's an acquired skill I tell you...and its quite amusing actually. Like a weird party trick or something. You know, very...Hey guys, look what I can do! or I betcha I can knock that vase off the table with just a squirt of my...

Anyway...

This being my third breastfed baby, I've had tons of practice. My poor Baby Luna, on the other hand, is not amused. Poor thing has been accidentally squirt in the eye, the cheek, the chin...you get the idea. She's such a good sport though. She just gives me a dirty look and bites down a bit too hard while feeding to get me back.

By the way, you should all be very happy that I am too shy to make this into a youtube video.

IMHO...Random Thoughts on Random Issues

2009-05-07T19:11:00.003-04:00

OCTO-MOM

For Pete's sake...leave the woman alone! Yes, she was dumb to have so many kids. Yes, she was even dumber to have gotten preggers by way of fertility doctor/clinic. And, yes, she was even dumberer to have so many kiddos while unemployed and relying on government aid. HOWEVER, the damage has already been done. She made her choices, she had her kids. Name calling, finger pointing, and the like do no good here. Neither do picketing in front of her home or clamoring for the authorities to take her children away. Taking her children away will not only separate them from their siblings and cause them emotional trauma, but it will also cost the state money to pay for their foster care anyway. So really, is it so bad that these children are allowed to stay with their mother (who obviously loves them despite her questionable emotional stability) and their siblings? Any speculation about her ability to properly take care of her children is just that...speculation. You can bet that after all of the press she has received she has been thoroughly investigated by the authorities, and yet, her children remain in her care. Doesn't that tell you something? How about we all just stop picking on those whose lifestyle choices and family dynamics differ from our own, and focus instead on improving our own lifestyles, our own families, and reaching out to authorities to help those children who are truly being abused by their parents/guardians.

SWINE FLU

I watched the NYC press conference, I've been reading the newspaper, I've been watching the news, and I've been beefing up on my internet research here. My take...the swine flu is being blown out of proportion in a big way. Just another chance for the big-wigs in the pharmaceutical companies to use scare tactics to sell more vaccinations. Don't be fooled...get educated. Read the newspaper, watch the news, get various opinions from multiple sources. Hell, get your ass to the library and read medical journals. Educate yourself rather than fall for propaganda.

KATE PLUS 8 AND THE GREAT CHEATING SCANDAL

When that show first aired oh so many seasons ago, my Hubs commented on how miserable Jon looked. I have to admit...I didn't see it. Sure I saw an overbearing, uptight, and rude wife in Kate, but I figured she was always like that and maybe Jon was one of those guys who liked to be bossed around. Apparently not. Though I do not agree with Kate's blatant disrespect for her husband (with her embarrassing and very public verbal flogging), but, I also don't agree with Jon's cheating. He's right to want out of that relationship...Kate's a bitch, plain and simple. BUT, he went about it the wrong way. Don't flaunt your mistress...file for DIVORCE. His kids are going to see these tabloid pics someday and because of this, I feel terrible for them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so, I totally had more to say, but my baby is crying and so I'm off to feed her. It's been so long since I've blogged that it's going to take me a few posts to get back in the saddle. Forgive my rambling thoughts for the time being as I try to steer my brain back onto the pavement so to speak. I've been off-roading on dirt roads for so long now that I can barely remember how to eek out a coherent sentence. Ta-ta for now.

True Love

2009-04-27T15:53:00.004-04:00

Introducing...

Baby "Luna"
8 lbs, 20 inches long

Hey guys! The little lady has finally arrived! Her arrival was fast and furious with my labor lasting only 3 1/2 hours from my first contraction to the minute of her birth. So far, she is the perfect baby. She eats well, sleeps well, and only cries when hungry. My other two girls, Sugar and Spice, adore her and seem to be adjusting well to the new addition. All in all, everything's grand here at Casa de Luna. Hope everyone in bloggy-land is doing well also. Miss you all...be back soon.

Ciao.

By the way...

2009-02-17T14:17:00.002-05:00

It's a girl!

I knew it. I just...KNEW.

My official due date is April 21, 2009.

I recently moved into a new place and am in the process of settling in. My computer and internet are up and running, however I don't have a computer desk at the moment so I don't use it much. As you can imagine, being 7+ months pregnant does not exactly make it easy for me to squat and type. A coupla more weeks hiatus and I should be back with some regularity.

I know you're all just dying of boredom without me. (Snicker)

What up Party People?

2009-01-02T15:33:00.003-05:00

Firstly...Happy New Year to all.

Secondly...I know what you're thinking...where are the baby bump pics??

Hold your horses, my friends, the bump pics are coming. I am about 26 weeks along now and the belly is plump and juicy and full of a bouncing baby that won't quit kicking me. I don't know for sure what the sex is, although I'm almost positive it's another girl based on the way I'm carrying...and I couldn't be happier about that because most of you know that I was dying to have another girl anyway.

My heartburn is awful, I only throw up occasionally now, and my sciatica is so bad I can barely walk sometimes, but other than that, life is just peachy.

My time is consumed by taking care of the kiddos, working, and embarking on a massive credit clean-up so that my FICO score will be mortgage worthy within the next year. I know the economy is shit and times are bad, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let this great buyers market pass me by. The credit cleaning process is interesting and intensive and I've learned A TON about the industry and it's loopholes. That alone is worth blogging regularly about, but I just can't seem to drag my tired, preggo ass to the computer at the end of the day to post about it.

ALSO, I was sued recently by a low-life collection agency. However, being the scrappy little fighter that I am, I did my research on the collection laws, the agency suing me, and the legal process involved in collections and hammered the shit out of them in court until they had to drop the lawsuit and dismiss the case. Ha. Go me. So now, I am also educated in the many laws and loopholes of the collection business and am willing to share this knowledge with anyone facing debt collection or lawsuits. I am not an attorney, nor am I able to give legal advise, HOWEVER, I can point you in the right direction when it comes to information and strategy. So please, email me or stay tuned for my story complete with links to the sites I used to help me defeat the big, bad, collection agency. If I can do it, anyone can...trust me.

I am still living at my father's and despite the fact that living quarters are tight and I'm itching for my own space again, it's tolerable. I really can't complain...much ;) We are looking to move out before the baby comes in April. I just can't fathom taking a baby home to my dad's house instead of our own place. Nope, it just won't work.

That's it really. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. Nothing worth posting about which is why you haven't heard from me. I'm hoping to come back with a bang at some point, but who knows when that point will be.

Until then...

I'm tired...

2008-11-21T14:34:00.002-05:00

And uninspired. And downright bored with posting lately. Can you tell?

When I do post I feel inexplicably guilty because I receive comments from peeps who I have not checked in with for some time.

And so, until I'm out of my funk, I have turned off comments on this blog.

Someday I'll return to reading, commenting, and posting with more regularity. Someday. Until then I will simply use this blog as a kind of journal.

I hope you will keep me in your reader and not abandon me completely because even though it seems I have, I have not abandoned you. My reader is still chock-full-'o-nuts and waiting for me to get off my ass and get to reading.

Later gaters.

A History of Greatness

2008-10-31T16:17:00.002-04:00

When I met her I was about 20 years old and working in an office. She was a temp, placed at the reception desk. She was so spunky and cool and fun. Her wrist was wrapped in a black tribal tattoo, her hair was short, dark, and cut in those funky layers that we all wish we could pull off, but can't. She was funny. Loud and often inappropriate, just like me. We clicked. We connected. We became inseperable. I once told her that if I was a lesbian I'd date her. She laughed hysterically because she thought the same thing about me.

Eventually, she was transferred into my department. I was ecstatic. Who wouldn't be? I was literally getting paid to bullshit with the coolest chic I had ever met. Suddenly, I didn't mind going to work anymore. It was fun again. Well, maybe fun isn't the right word. How about hysterical...uproarious...a total effing blast. Yep, that's it...A TOTAL EFFING BLAST.

As the company grew larger another soul invaded our office space. I think his name was David. David was a short, timid man, with a receding hair line and the worst body odor you have ever smelt. (Smelt? Smelled? Eh, whateva...) He was revolting to be around and made our pleasant work environment not so pleasant. Imagine working in a sub shop surrounded by massive amounts of onions all day. THAT is the equivalent of our daily nostril intake. But, other than that, it was like he wasn't even there. He was quiet, mousy, practically invisible. Which is why Cindy and I often forgot he was in the room.

Our conversations during the day ranged from lewd and rude to downright disgusting. No topic was off limits. No subject to inappropriate to discuss in the office. It was our space, you see. Hers and mine. David, well, he would just have to sit there and deal with it. Which he did...while sweating profusely because, well, did I mention that before coming to work in our department he was in Seminary School? Yep. Homeboy was studying to become a priest. A PRIEST! D'oh!

No wonder that poor man sweat so much. I can't even imagine how many times we sent him home flushed with the guilt of his desire because of the things Cindy and I dished about. Poor dude. I betcha our "sin" stuck to his sweaty ass like glue and he had to go to daily confession to be cleansed. Eh, whatchugonnado, right?

Anyways...Cindy and I were friends for years after we met. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Which is why I was devasted when we lost touch. I thought about her constantly and even wrote her sappy little letters that I never mailed declaring the emptiness of my heart because she wasn't in my life anymore. We have since reconnected. (I posted about it once. I would link to the post but am too damn lazy to search my archives for it.) MySpace brought us together again...can you believe that shit?

Anyways, we don't see each other as often as I'd like these days. We both have a family now so life kind of gets in the way. You know how it is. But, I wanted to post this because, for some reason, I've been thinking about that time in my life. That carefree, fun-filled moment in life when time seems to stand still and the party seems to last forever. During that time, she was there. By my side. Throwing back beers and slammin' down shots.

Cindy, if you read this girl...you're the bomb. Don't ever forget it.

Ode to Rubbernecking on the NJ Parkway

2008-10-01T13:22:00.003-04:00

At a snails pace I ride

Five lanes wide

A parking lot at rush hour

But I hang on

Inch by inch

Mile by mile

And all so that I can spy with my little eye

A guy

Who took a turn too wide

Cut the wheel and flipped his truck on its side

**Smash**Crash**Broken Glass

But not a single drop of blood

Damn...I sat thru all that traffic for this?

Lil' Stinker

2008-09-30T14:02:00.004-04:00

My older daughter, Sugar, is obsessed with farting. I'm totally serious.

First thing in the morning, she farts her love for me and giggles. If I return the sentiment (hey, I'm preggers and gassy...back off), then she falls to her bed in fits of laughter.

She carries around her favorite stuffed animals, lifts their tails, and makes them lovingly "toot" on anyone in close proximity. Sometimes, she will wrinkle her nose and announces that the toot was stinky.

But, this morning took the cake...

This morning, Sugar actually sat on her sister's head and pushed out a squeaky little fart, squealing in delight.

I was appalled. I yelled at her of course. I told her that it wasn't nice.

And she, eyes wide with innocence and mischief said...

But, it's funny, Mommy.

I'm thinking her little sister disagrees.

Reason #5 to hate Pregnancy...BABY SHOWERS

2008-09-15T15:10:00.006-04:00

I effing hate baby showers. Hate. Loathe to the very depths of my soul. I'm serious here, people. I hate them.

The decorations, the stupid games, the strange women with their phony grins whispering in the corner about how fat the mother-to-be looks, and finally, the gift opening. Man alive...gift opening at a baby shower is like a slow form of torture. Seriously. If it wasn't for the finger food, I would never go to another baby shower, ever. Hell, if the food at my baby shower wasn't so good I wouldn't have shown up for that either!

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not ungrateful...or stupid. I know damn well I wouldn't have been able to afford all of the baby gadgets that I got at my shower on my own. My kid would have been dressed in my old rocker tee's and entertaining herself in a cardboard box had it not been for the generosity of the guests at my shower.

However...I still fucking hate them. (The showers, not the guests)

My shower was as awesome as a baby shower could possibly be and it still sucked. Firstly, I ditched the no men allowed rule. I encouraged my guests to bring their husbands, boyfriends, etc. I wanted, no needed, some testosterone injected into the atmosphere. Too much estrogen makes me itchy, you see.

I also had booze. Lots, and lots, and lots of booze. I believe they went through something like 8 pitchers of sangria, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of tequila, and a bottle of vodka. Not to mention the beer and wine coolers for the light weights in the group. Did I partake? Of course not. Don't be silly. I was 8 months preggers after all. My guests, however, including my husband, my father, and my best friends, drank to the point of passing out. Literally. When my shower was over, the house looked like after hours at a frat party. There were unconscious bodies everywhere surrounded by cardboard cutouts of cherub babies and storks. To top it all off, I was the designated driver. Effing priceless.

The food? Delish. My baby's ethnicity was represented in the cuisine. I had everything from stuffed cabbage, to arroz con pollo, to meatballs, sausage, and pasta. I had leftovers coming out my whazzo after that shower.

Gift opening? Record speed as this is by far, my least favorite baby shower moment. I ripped, announced, and passed the gift to my gal Friday to hold up whilst I moved on. The old biddy's in the back complained that I was going to fast, but that didn't stop me. I was a machine...methodical and quick. I treated gift opening like cardio. You have to keep moving for it to be effective, you see.

The stupid games? Non-existent. The girl I put in charge of games came late, hung over, and stoned out of her mind. At first I was mildly annoyed, but now, looking back, I'm glad. I never win baby gift bingo anyway. Bah-humbug to that shit.

I even inspired a few of my girlfriends who attended to shun the traditional notion of baby showers in favor of my own rogue event. What can I say, I'm an effing baby shower pioneer.

So, take it from me, to par down the yawn factor of any type of "shower" event...

Bring boys. Testosterone = fun.
Bring booze. Testosterone under the influence + estrogen under the influence = the horizontal mambo under the table. Meow.
Don't follow tradition because people (otherwise known as overbearing relatives) say you "have" to. Fuck that. Be original...it's more fun.
Bring a video camera, but DO NOT tape the opening of the presents. (Because really...who gives a shit.) Instead, take video of Aunt Martha getting hopped up on scotch and flirting mercilessly with the father-to-be. The video camera also makes a wonderful documentary of all of the inappropriate things that drunkards and rude old women say when they think no one is listening. Effing priceless.
Bring food home in your purse because you were too drunk and rowdy to eat at the shower. This rule fits any social gathering in general. This rule is also why I always carry a large purse...just in case.
Go for it with gusto...be loud and obnoxious.. The other women are going to talk about you anyway so you may as well give them something to talk about.
Play strip baby shower bingo...with the father-to-be.
Bring a friend who wasn't invited. The more, the merrier...right?
Bring a yappy, little dog, a la Paris Hilton. Let it run freely around the joint...and pee where ever it wants to.
Bring booze. Did I already say that? I did?! Oh well, bring more, it's really important...really.

Reasons to Love Pregnancy #1

2008-09-09T15:53:00.002-04:00

Extremely erotic, tantalizingly detailed, dirty, dirty dreams.

M-E-O-W!!

P.S.

Where have I been?? I've been sick with one of those horrible pregnancy colds. It just won't go away. Bleh. THAT, btw, is reason #35 to HATE pregnancy.

Mystery: Part IV

2008-08-22T14:09:00.003-04:00

I've got a secret

Not so secret anymore

My beautiful family

Will soon have one more

How many of you guessed correctly?

Wiggle Iggle Friday to be posted later today...

Mystery: Part III

2008-08-21T15:47:00.001-04:00

I've got a secret

I'm not willing to tell

But after these posts

You'll all know as well

Don't worry, the end is near...stay tuned

Mystery: Part II

2008-08-17T21:36:00.000-04:00

I've got a secret
And a mysterious glow
But why I smile
Is for me to know

To be continued...

Comments closed.

Mystery: Part I

2008-08-17T00:52:00.001-04:00

I've got a secret
That nobody knows
It lives deep inside
Where it grows and it grows

Stay tuned for Part II...

Finally something to blog about

2008-08-10T13:00:00.002-04:00

Mental note: Dinner conversation should be limited to subjects that do not make my step ~~monster's~~ mother's head rotate 360 degrees and cause her to spew obscenities and many, many other rude ass comments.

Long story short: we had a ~~verbal brawl~~ spirited discussion about the separation of church and state...i.e. whether or not god has a place in public schools.

Me, I'm all for the complete separation of church and state. I feel that god has no place in public schools. A public school should be neutral ground for all to go to in order to get an education without discrimination/favoritism toward any particular group based on race, religion, creed, etc. Period. There really is no middle ground here. It has to be a complete separation. This country was founded on the premise of religious freedom. Religious freedom. This country was not founded to provide the opportunity for those with Christian beliefs to rule tyrannically over those with different beliefs. Putting god in schools forces all who go there, even those with different belief structures, to recognize one god, the Christian view of god, against their choosing. This is a clear violation of the Constitution and should not be allowed. End of story.

A while back, I wrote a post on the fact that Halloween is being banned in schools because Christians are saying that it is a Wiccan holiday. My knee jerk reaction was to be outraged because, well, I fucking love Halloween. And while I still personally feel that Halloween has become more of a commercialized, community fall celebration, I will admit that it does have religious roots and therefore I can understand why it is being removed from schools. Yep, I'm actually siding with the Christians here. HOWEVER, because I understand their point of view, I also expect them to see mine. I say, sure, remove Halloween because of its religious overtones, then continue on and remove all aspects of education laced with any and all religious overtones. Complete separation of church and state. Neutral ground for educational purposes. Fair is fair.

As for my step monster, she believes that this is a Christian country and that if you do not believe in the Christian version of god then you should leave the country. Yep. Seriously. Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, etc have no business being here according to her. Yes, she actually said that.

When I mentioned that myself and my family don't believe and asked her if we should leave the country and asked her if my children should be denied a public school education based on that, she simply restated her belief. By this time she was also screaming on the top of her lungs, violently cursing, and getting very personal and very nasty with me.

As for me, I remained calm. I argued with well thought out, logical, fact based arguments that she could counter with nothing other than personal taunts and foul language. I believe the last straw came when I told her that she was just mad because my argument clearly had more merit than hers and that I would totally whoop her ass if we were arguing this in court as I was using factual evidence and not emotions to make my points.

She said she didn't give a fuck if I could win in court and eventually, she stormed out of the house after throwing a few dishes in the kitchen.

I felt both triumphant and sad after that. Triumphant that I was able to remain calm and level headed and not get sucked into an argument of personal insults. And trust me, there was a lot I could say to her to make it personal. Sad that there is still such ignorance in this country. I mean, come on, to believe that people with different religious beliefs need to leave the country?!

Sheeeeesh...

And now, now...it's tense and silent here. I have no desire to mend our relationship. She crossed a line with me when she implied that my children do not deserve a public school education. As far as I'm concerned she does not even deserve the title of "Grandma" anymore and I'm seriously tempted to have the girls call her by her first name. Anyone who does not believe my children deserve to live in this country, let alone deserve an education obviously is not concerned about their best interests and therefore do not deserve a title associated with love such as "Grandma". However, would I be serving my kids best interest if I set them on a course that could destroy their relationship with her? Does it even matter at this point? I haven't decided yet. For now, I'll leave well enough alone.

As for me, I've made the decision to be the official enforcer of the separation of church and state law in each and every public school my children attend. The days of living under the thumb of oppressive, dictator-like Christians is over for me. I will no longer go quietly into the night. They have met their match. I'm even thinking as big as political aspirations for myself.

Lack of faith does not mean lack of morals. It's time we proved it.

All that aside, I would love some insight from my readers who are believers. Why the insulting arguments? Why the tendency to not be able to respect any other opinion than that of a fellow Christian? Why the short sightedness? Why not just leave religious teachings and mentioning of god in secular schools? Why the tendency to force your beliefs down the throat of others? (I know I'm using strong wording here, however, I'm still prickly over this incident so please excuse me.)

And to my non-believing readers...what would you have done/said in the face of such ignorance? How would you have handled the situation? Would you have attacked back with personal jabs or remained focused on the debate at hand?

It's Friday, bitches

2008-07-31T23:18:00.003-04:00

Wiggle-effing-Iggle Friday

*another musical meme addition*

That dollfaced Jersey gal, Jill, over at Caffeine Court tagged me to do a musical meme. Perfect timing cuz then I can combine it with the much neglected Wiggle Iggle Friday.

The challenge:
Name 5 songs that I'm ashamed to admit that I like. This is actually difficult as I really do have awesome taste in music with very little exceptions, but here goes...

1.) Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice - I just can't help myself, dammit. Whenever I hear this song I. must. sing. along...loudly. (And I'll just pretend that I don't hear you laughing...loudly...thankyouverymuch.)

2.) Gimme More by Britney Spears - This one was so hard for me to admit...seriously. However, I can try to quickly divert your attention from my lame taste in music by posting a clip of the horrid spectacle that was Ms. Spears' "big VMA comeback performance"...

3.) SexyBack by Justin Timberlake - Revealing that I like this song may actually put my life in danger. As you read this my bad-ass, heavy metal peeps are probably organizing a posse to pistol whip me back to Pantera status.

4.)Chica Virtual by Arcangel - The song is in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish and yet I still try my damnedest to sing this fucker at the top of my lungs while in my car. Yep, pretty effing embarrassing, especially when I get caught totally fudging the lyrics while stopped at a red light next to a carload of Latinos. I'm such a white girl.

5.) Anything by Pink - I can't stand this bitch. She dresses punk, yet writes pop songs. What gives? That said, I somehow know the words to her songs and yes, I sing them with gusto. Effing sad man.

(No youtube clip from Pink because, like I said, I can't stand that bitch.)

Now that I've embarrassed myself from revealing that I actually listen to a Britney song on occasion, I feel it necessary to redeem myself by posting a Pantera song (or four) as they are (or were), the best fucking band ever.

Turn it up LOUD and bang your head HARD...you'll thank me later...promise.

Speaking of Pantera...did I ever tell you about the time I met Phil? No? Another time then...another time.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming

2008-07-27T21:12:00.002-04:00

My moment of weakness has passed. I'm totally not going to delete. Thanks all for your input. I think you're all correct when you say that I'll regret it. I would. I like it here and I would totally miss all yous guys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Living at my dad's has been an adjustment. I mean, there are eight of us here and only one bathroom. Can you imagine?

However, there is plenty of entertainment.

Teenagers.

This neighborhood has teenagers abound.

Because my step-sister is smack-dab in the middle of teenage-hood, I often find myself surrounded by her and her posse.

Call me crazy, but I actually enjoy this. They keep me young. And, get this, I actually speak their language really well.

A few nights ago, my step-sister (Girl #1), her friend (Girl #2), and I had the following conversation:

Me: Oh ma gah...like, wow...I can't even believe that really happened...like, seriously?...what-ever man...

Girl #1: I know right?? Like, OMG...

Girl #2: ~giggle~She's so, like, dumb, or something...~said while text messaging furiously~

Girl #1: Yah, she really is ~giggle~

Me: ~giggle~

In the midst of the "conversation", my Hubs walks by and gives me one of those squinty eyed looks that says what the hell are you doing...

Later, I explained to him that I love hanging with 14 year old girls and chatting like that. Literally, they giggle at almost everything I say...it's awesome and in an odd way, an insanely good ego boost.

Plus, hanging with them totally gives me the opportunity to discuss really serious world issues like Miley Cirus and which trendy colors to paint your toenails. ~giggle~

Fer Serious

2008-07-21T21:21:00.003-04:00

I am thinking about deleting my blogs.

Not for any dramatic reason or anything...I just have no desire to blog lately.

However, I'm afraid that I'll click delete and feel satisfied for all of 3.5 seconds before inspiration for a great post strikes and regret sets in.

::shrugs::

(I think I'm going thru a phase and probably won't delete.)

Thoughts? I'm especially curious to hear from anyone who has deleted and returned or has seriously, seriously considered the same thing but reconsidered. What changed your mind? Did you eventually regain your love for blogging?

I think I'm just in a down phase which is why I haven't deleted anything yet, but I have to say, the thought crosses my mind every day. I swear I've only been logging onto blogger lately to let the mouse linger over the delete button.

For those of you who have been blogging for a long time...what keeps you going?

**On a completely different note...

I'm hearing nothing but great things about BlogHer and it really is fun to read...however...

I know not everyone was full of sunshine and roses. In a hotel full of women you know there had to be clashing personalities.

So...

Who was a bitch?

And who was a bigger bitch?

Dish peeps cuz inquiring minds want to know.

If you want, you can even leave anonymous comments so as not to begrudge anyone....fer serious, I'm totally curious about this shitz.

Karma

2008-07-12T13:47:00.002-04:00

Today, I literally helped an old woman cross the street.

To do this one, small thing for another person felt wonderful.

It got me thinking about how much good will could be spread simply by everyone making sure to do simple things like this.

What random act of kindness have you done recently?

Wiggle Iggle Friday

2008-07-11T12:52:00.003-04:00

*meme edition**

I was sifting thru my waaaaaaaay overloaded reader and came across this meme posted by Tara. It's the perfect thing to lift me out of my posting funk. What better than music to lift your spirits, ya know...AND on Wiggle Iggle Friday no less.

1. What would describe your personality? Need To - Korn

2. What do you like in a guy/girl? Sons Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope

3. How do you feel, today? Are You Still Mad? - Alanis Morrisette

4. What’s your life’s purpose? Slow Like Honey - Fiona Apple

5. What is your motto? Flow Natural - Tito El Bambino

6. What do your friends think of you? She's Not Me - Madonna

7. What do you think of your parents? Tim Sult v. The Greys - Clutch

8. What do you think about very often? Seeing Things - The Black Crows

9. What do you think of your best friend? Chinese Rock - The Ramones

10. What do you think of the person you like? A Stroke of Luck - Garbage

11. What is your life story? New Skin - Incubus***

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Feelin' the Same Way - Nora Jones

13. What do you think when you see the person you like? Nowhere Fast - Incubus

14. What do your parents think of you? Poetic Tragedy - The Used

15. What will be played at your funeral? Danger - Motley Crue

16.What is your hobby/interest? Get Off My Sunshine - Nikka Costa

17. What is your biggest secret? I'm in the Mood (Are you ready?) - Sublime*

18. What do you think of your friends? Untitled - Marilyn Manson*

19. What should you post this as? Big News II - Clutch

20. If your life was a soundtrack, what song would best describe NOW? Monkey - Bush**

*Could not find on youtube

**Could only find videos comparing George Bush to a monkey, but not the video for the actual song. I was quite amused by the George Bush/monkey videos though.

***If you can only listen to one song here, then make it this one. Brandon still has his dreads in this video. L.O.V.E.

****Mental note to self: Take any songs with a mellow undertone off of iPod immediately...they make for a boring blog post.

Keeping It Real

2008-07-08T14:55:00.003-04:00

After lamenting about my forlorn, yet surprisingly hopeful, state of mind, I realized that most of you have no clue what's going on because I only mentioned it briefly on Plurk.

So, in an effort to keep it real, I have decided to spill the beans about what's going on right now. No sense in hiding it, ignoring it, or not talking about it. It's my life and this blog is, after all, a documentary in progress of my life.

So...without further ado...

I'm being evicted.

The sad state of the economy has taken it's toll. I'm packing up, putting all my shit in storage, and moving into my dad's basement.

Chances are my computer time will be limited until I can get my own place. You see, at my dad's I have to share the computer with 1 Evil Stepmother and 2 Evil Stepchildren. (Ok, so they're not so evil, but it makes for a better post.) I also won't be able to cook breakfast in my panties nor will I be able to hump my husband without having to be face planted in a pillow to muffle my...oh shit...that was TMI, wasn't it...heh.

Seriously, it stinks, but, I have a plan. An evil, under-handed plan.

[insert sinister laugh here]

I'm like the bad guy (or in my case, bad gal) in the movie who you can't help but cheer for. I may not be following the rules, but I'll get to where I'm going with flair and finesse...you dig?

I'll keep you posted.

Movin' on (up?)

2008-07-07T10:24:00.003-04:00

Sorting...bubble wrapping...packing...

That has been my life for the past coupla days.

Stress filled, anxiety filled, and over flowing with tears.

That has been my state of mind.

And even though it feels as if I'm taking two giant steps back,

I can see the horizon,

And though it is still dark, I can see the glow of the sun looming large,

beckoning me to come forward.

While I may only be stumbling forward, inch by inch, I have hope...

Hope that my future may just be bright after all.

Wish me luck.

MIA

2008-06-30T10:12:00.002-04:00

I've been MIA for about a week now with regards to posting.

I've simply been uninspired.

No subject has been speaking to me loud enough to write about.

I'm ok with that.

That's the beauty of blogging without obligation.

I have been around though and will continue to be...

Reading, commenting, plurking.

I'll see you when I see you.

Peace.

[I closed comments because, well, there's not much to say to this now, is there.]