Secrets of a Supermom

Y is for the Yellow Room

2011-04-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

In honor of the Y post, our background is the color yellow. . .

Are you one of those parents who have been there done that? That no matter what exactly your child may try to pull over on you, you most probably have already done it bigger and better than they ever imagined? While it's not obvious (everyone always said how "perfect" I was) there are plenty of things that I have done that yes, at some point I may even have to share with my children, in order to make a point. The yellow room is one of them.

Once upon a time I went to an extremely strict private school. As a middle school teen I fought attending this school tooth and nail. I wanted to go to school with my friends and neighbors. But the decision was made.

One day, a friend stole a stack of hall passes out of a teacher's desk. As the one in the group that had the best handwriting, I became the signer of the hall passes. Filled out, different teacher's names scrawled across each of the 7 passes and 2 hours later we were all in the bomb shelter (a very old building) hanging out and even a couple "making out" in the back of the shelter.

Tap, tap tap, someone is walking in the basement and of course being stupid teenagers we all said "Shhh" which of course is the worst thing you can do. BUSTED!!

Divide and conquer, good cop bad cop the principal and counselor tried to get use to say who stole the passes and who signed the passes. Some of us hung tough, others not so much. I was one of the "tough ones." For my efforts I got three days in school suspension. Reporting for suspension I sit by myself for three straight days in a yellow room. Empty of books or other forms of entertainment my first day is spent sleeping and writing my report (why do they always do this) on why what I did was wrong, ala "Breakfast Club" fame.

Being a social creature, three days in a yellow room was enough to teach me two things.

For many years after I hated the color yellow
Next time don't get caught (as opposed to other friends that learned "take the deal")

Of course, those are not the lessons I will impart to my children.

One day I may be sharing this with my younger children - my adult child may even read this in surprise today.

What is one of your "been there done that" stories that you will or have shared with your child to make a point?

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X is for eXcuses and eXplanations

2011-04-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry readers, it's been a busy month and in addition to our sister sites of Money Saving Parent and A to Z Learning Tree we had all our regular work to do. Ok, so I'm a cheating a little bit on the X factor but my rule of thumb is to write the first thing that comes to mind.

eXcuses and eXplanations
Oh we have millions of them, some of them good, some of them bad. Some of them need to be said and some of them don't. Here's the trick though, finding out when you need to use your excuses.

Uses your eXcuses when you need to say "Excuse me"
Don't use your excuses for any life decisions about your family, your money, or your career. There is no need to eXplain or eXcuse whatever decisions you make.

eXplain to your children why they need to do something but don't get caught up in making eXcuses for their behavior when they don't.

These are just a few examples, but next time you feel the need to eXcuse or eXplain something, determine if it really is anyone else's business or if it really even needs one.

For more on eXcuses and eXplanations

Tips to help busy moms just say 'no'

Do you find it hard to say 'no' to the many demands on your time? Find out how to just say no, in the nicest possible way, and make your day a little less busy, stressed and overwhelming.

Fair fighting tips and advantages to talking it out

It's tough to fight fair especially in front of the kids. These tips can help you set a good example and resolve conflict between you and your spouse.

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T is for Toilets, Tickets and Tuition

2011-04-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

One very expensive month of toilets, tickets and tuition.

First there was the ticket - now that was an experience and an expense I really don't want to relieve.

Then there was the toilet. You know that awful groaning sound that toilets make with they need "rebuilt" or as I so delicately put it new "guts." Well out upstairs bathroom had been making that noise for some time but we ignored it. After all hardly anyone uses that bathroom anyway. The other night I found that someone HAD used it and forgot to flush (yes small children in the house) and after hearing the GROOOANN that this toilet made that night I worried about further damages if we put this home repair off any longer. Next day the plumber is here to tell me yes, we need a rebuild AND a new emergency shut off valve. Apparently the toilet was running all the time, but since it's upstairs we didn't really notice. This was an expense that needless to say simply wasn't anticipated, (one repair yes and I was actually almost perfectly correct in my estimate of how much that repair would be but TWO repairs?)

Last but not least there is tuition. My youngest begins her new school next year, and for some odd reason they want one month's tuition delivered by May 5th or we lose her spot. The thing is, this is a really terrific transition program for children that are not old enough to enter kindergarten, but that have already completed a Pre-K program. Since I home schooled the preschool years, she is already ahead of the game and needs the additional challenges that this program brings.

So there we go, toilets, tickets and tuition. The fun just never ends for supermoms (and dads too)!

On the T-opic of T-oilets

Getting to the Bottom of Green Potty Products

Find out my recommendations for going green with your potty training - from pants to potty chairs.

How to Make, Print for Free and Use a Potty Training Chart

Wonder how you can create your own potty training chart or where you can print them for free? Find out how.

11 Potty Training Tips, Tricks and Products for Boys and Girls

What tips and tricks does this mother of four and former preschool director have to share with you about potty training? Find out what tips, tricks and products have worked for me, my family and my preschoolers.

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S is for Super Stupid Silly Mistake

2011-04-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

So here I was trying too hard to be "supermom." The kids were in the car, we are driving home from Spring break and I am doing the driving during this leg of an almost 1200 long car trip. Of course the husband wants to talk (after all we are in the same place at the same time) and the kids need some attention every few minutes as they fight over their toys, coloring books, Leapsters and movies. Did I mention this was the FINAL leg of our journey from Texas to Florida and back again?

Moving on to my super stupid silly mistake. Driving along with plenty of distractions (and yes my X post is most probably going to be X is for eXcuses since I seem to be full of them) we encounter a section of LA where first it's 60 then it's 70 then it's 60 mph. Sure, I am trying to keep up with this, as well as keep up with the traffic and all the other things that a mom is doing while driving. A State Highway patrolman comes up behind me lights and sirens.

My first thought, "What me?"

Apparently it was, somewhere along the way I had lost track of the up again and down again speed limit.

Super, silly, super stupid mistake. Afraid my charming personality didn't get me off my first ticket in over 20 years (yes I am that old) and after calling in to find out what the fine was the only other word that came to mind was another s word -- S**T!

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R is for return on investment in kindness

2011-04-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

New clothing - new to us that is!

Return on investment - seem's like a strange topic to find on a mommy blog doesn't it. But in this post think of the phrase "return on investment" as similar to the words "pay it forward" or "what goes around comes around," or "you reap what you so" - it's all the same thing depending on your beliefs. Today I received a really amazing gift, what some may call a blessing.

Just a couple of weeks ago I decided to donate all the clothing, toys and books my daughters had outgrown to a local charity. Usually I either give them away or sell them but this was decided to be one of our charity projects for the month (each month we choose a charity to contribute to in some way time, talents or money)

Today while leaving my daughter's school a mother told me what a beautiful blouse I was wearing and where did I get it. We exchanged quick tips for saving money on clothing and since both had a place to be exchanged information to get back in touch, because she wanted to learn more about writing online. As we seperated she called out, "I was getting ready to drop all these clothes off at KCM, but if you can take a minute and look them over you are welcome to take whatever you like." Now, I have four children total, and two just a year apart. Clothing can get expensive so sure I was interested in taking a look. I walked away with a whole bag of clothing some fit one daughter and some the other. I was thrilled! With summer approaching I won't have as much time to work, and there are other expenses like college students returning home from school this is a huge savings.

It is possible to have a "return on your investment," no matter what that investment may be. Maybe it's in a new friendship. Maybe it's in doing something nice for someone with no other motives that to be kind. Whatever it is, the best part of this particular type of return on investment was that it was totally and completely unexpected and I didn't do what I did hoping to get anything out of it either.

Consider these investments in kindness
Pick up the tab for the car behind you in the drive thru lane (this happened to me and I get a cute little card with a saying for the day on it)
Let a car out
Hold the door for someone
Hand a coupon to the next person in line behind you (I love doing this at the store people are always so surprised - and thrilled!)

It takes very little to touch someone's life and brighten their day. What ways do you invest in kindness?

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Q is for Quilt: Grandma's Quilt

2011-04-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Grandma's Quilt

Grammy's quilt my daughter's call it. They fight over who gets to use it, because even at the young age of four they can feel some sort of special comfort and healing from the quilt that my grandmother made when I was a little girl. It's a patchwork quilt made with pieces of this and bits of that.

My grandmother was a very special supermom. I can't ever remember a moment in her home when her hands were not busy. I remember her peeling potatoes, breaking beans, stirring a pot. I remember as she made her quilts the great big frame that hung from the ceiling to be lowered for her to use. No sewing machine for her, each and every stitch was lovingly made. I remember her lips moving as she prayed over each square. What were her prayers? I wondered.

I don't know how my grandmother did it all. With 12 children and what is now called a "sustainable" lifestyle she raised her own chickens for eggs and meat, grew her own vegetables, and canned like crazy. Apparently the original supermom.

Some of my fondest memories include watching my grandmother make her quilts. As Easter approaches I remember the special, exciting Easter Egg Hunts that her church used to offer. Children were dressed in their best and ribbons flew from little girl's hair and hats. I think that's why each Easter Egg Hunt my children do holds such a special place in my heart. Not those everyone in the world community events, but the smaller more intimate special hunts of friends, family, and church.

The other night my daughter didn't feel well. She wasn't sick, just not feeling good. I said lay down and I'll let you have grammy's blanket and she said, "Grammy's blanket always makes me feel better," as she fell straight to sleep. Is there some sort of magic in my grandmother's quilt? I like to think so, maybe it's the prayers or maybe it's the hopes for her future children and grandchildren that went into it, but whatever it is I hope she knows that it works, bringing comfort, care and peace to those who lay under it.

No it's not the glorious, stunning patterns you see on some quilts that you simply must hang up to display but it is the quilt that when you are tired, sad, mad or even just want to relax and feel the simple joys at the end of the day that you wrap yourself up in.

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M is for Money Money Money- Money!

2011-04-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

Today's post is brought to you by my daughter's piggy bank . . .

My youngest daughter said to me these evening she wants a lemonade stand. She wants to make money. I mentioned the May 1st Lemonade Stand Day, that maybe we could get involved and raise money for a worthy cause. She said, "No mommy, I want my money to buy toys with. I'm going to put it in my piggy bank until I have enough."

Older daughter says, "Mommy I will do the lemonade stand. I want to give money to people who don't have any food or that need help or that need medicine because they are sick."

And so the conversation goes. Eventually it turns into a "save it then spend it" "help people" yelling contest.

Well, my job for this day is done. I have one who wants to save and spend, and one that wants to give it away. Now, I know there are ALL kinds of political comments that could be made about this discussion, but I'll leave you with Trump's theme song . . .

PS: Note to mom and dad, no more "Apprentice" for the children.

Live, Laugh, Love, Learn

2011-04-14T16:58:00.000-07:00

With spring time comes new life, a new season, and with this new season this mom aspires to be a supermom by remembering the four pillars of life that she has carried through good and bad with her, to live, laugh, love and learn. Unfortunately one of two of them have had their share of ups and downs, especially recently. But I have done some "spring cleaning" emotionally and mentally and I am ready to feature all of them equally in my life now.

Live for every moment and all the moments to come. Enjoy the moment that you daughter puts her hand into yours while walking into school because she may not do it for very much longer. Prepare for the worst, but always live for and expect the best of every tomorrow.

Laugh at the bad, and the sad. Laughter can make the tears go away. But it's more than laughter, it's happiness at your place in life and how you are living it. It's the smile on your face as you go to sleep every night.

Learn from your mistakes. Learn from your experiences. Learning brings about change, and no matter how painful the change may be it often brings with it the hope for a better tomorrow as well as the ability to deal with whatever life may "throw" your way. Look at each day, experience and opportunity as a chance to learn about the people and the world that surrounds you.

Love. That one is pretty simple. But more important than simply loving is to let those around you know that they are loved, unconditionally and that they are important to you. Take an opportunity to say it and show it because after it's all said and done, actions speak louder than words.

So, L is not only my "Letter for the Day for the A to Z Blogging Challenge" but it's actually a letter that I hope to live by a little more consistently.

Judge not to be a supermom: J is for Judging

2011-04-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe the full moon lasted longer then it normally does. Maybe women are just sharing with me even more about the things that bother them, and mom's right now "judging" is a big thing that is bothering a lot of moms. It doesn't seem to matter whether you are a SAHM, WAHM or a WOHM (working outside the home mom) there are just so many judgments about and between mothers. Over the course of the past month I have heard mother's judging other mother's because they don't breast feed - or because they do. I have heard mother's judging other mothers because some work outside the home and some do not. I hear mother's judging everything from discipline to diapering, feeding and doctoring and in the end all that happens is that in the end one mother is telling another mother with her judgments that she is falling "short" in her quest to be a supermom.

Why do we feel the need to "judge" other mother's decisions? To offer our advice - when it hasn't been asked for? Does it make us feel better about our choices? Maybe that's it, but oh what a price to pay to feel like a supermom.

Today, I leave you with these reminders;
"judge not lest you be judged"
for every one finger you point at someone else there are three pointing back at you;
"people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."
And, if you can't say "nuthin' nice then don't say nuthin' at all" (Bambi)

There is your secret to being a super mom today. Be "super" to someone else who may really be needing a little encouragement or a pat on the back. The next time you feel tempted to judge another mother bite your tongue or maybe you could just let her know that we have all "been there and done that" as a parenting.

H is for Happy Day

2011-04-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

Today was a very happy day. I had a wonderful time visiting with a friend who had moved away, and while we always made time to connect online, since the move every attempt to make the hour long drive to her house or our house always encountered a "snag." Now, in the Houston area, an hour drive is basically what some people drive in order to get to work, but an hour in the car with two small children who every 8 minutes say, "When are we going to get there?" can try the patience of even the strongest of supermoms.

But today everything worked together and we were able to share the joy and happiness of her engagement, as well as reconnect with several other friends I hadn't seen in a long time. I think what brought even more happiness to our day was the chance to once again sit together outside and watch our daughters play together in a bounce house, the back yard and in the pool. Even though they hadn't seen each other in so long, as soon as we arrived, it was the three musketeers all over again.

Today, as the girls hugged and supermoms did too, I realized that yes, today was a very happy day. It doesn't get better than sharing in the joy of new love and new life with a friend and having the happiness of watching your beautiful children at play together. I can't wait to get the pictures to share!

What makes your day a happy one?

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F is for Friends: Superfriends help make supermoms

2011-04-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how often I hear, "I don't know how you get it all done!" Well, I don't not really, but I fake it really well. It is tough being a mom, writer and all the other things that go along with all that. But to be honest, I probably couldn't get by without "a little help from my friends." And, I think it's important that they know that.

So here is a super big thank you to the friends who:

Watches my children so I could meet deadlines or while I was sick.
Encourages me when I am feeling overwhelmed.
Bounces ideas around with me, no matter how wild and crazy they may appear to be- some of them I even find a way to do or write about.
Supports those ideas, thoughts, and plans for the future.
Has my "back!"
Helps me with my "tech support."

And who help me make it through the each and every day with love, encouragement and occasionally a kick in the pants when I need it.

Do you have super friends? Take a minute and tell them so. I leave you with this thought for the day and a little bit of music to get your started.
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” - Author Unknown

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E is for Exhausted

2011-04-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

Superman had his krptonite. I have exhaustion. It can grab all my efforts at being a supermom right out of me. Earlier this week my foot got caught in a garden hose (last time I got hurt outside it was a basketball hoop I'm starting to think I should stay in my house or car - but I ramble) and tripped me up. I went flying down on hands and knees, not just rock pathway, but twisting my leg at a very unnatural angle. Limping inside my four year old helps me with ice packs and elevating my leg - but nothing elevates my mood. Extreme pain sets in. Every movement of my leg brings cries of pain. Treatment - alternating ice packs and heating pads, Motrin, a version of Ben Gay and rest. I can't go to the doctor because it's not 9 pm at night.

Tossing and turning, no rest for the weary. Tuesday goes a little better thanks to another supermom who handled the school runs for me. Temper tantrums as we miss gymnastics and dance classes. The inability to stand up long enough to cook a meal. And, Tuesday night more tossing and turning, only now I am working on dealing with muscle spasms and trying to stretch and massage it to avoid stiffness.

I should explain that I have fibromyalgia, and for many people a sprain is no big deal. Uncomfortable yes, a pain, yes, and even expensive. But for someone with fibromyalgia every pain, every strain, and ever sore muscle is amplified. The best way to describe it as what feels like someone tugging your hair to you, feels like someone grabbing my hair by the roots and ripping it out to me.

Now, I am approaching day 3 and while things are looking up there is no sleep in sight. There is a house, and children, and work to do and a field trip on Thrusday. There is an Easter Egg Hunt that I organized and one of my best friend 'sbirthday party. What do I need more than anything? Sleep. . . sweet, peaceful, more than 45 minutes at a time sleep.

I knew having children would mean a lot of sleepless nights. I knew it would mean exhaustion, but for this supermom lack of sleep means exhaustion. So, what do I do next? Try my best to get a good night's sleep. Maybe if I do, I can overcome the weakness that this particular type of kryptonite brings about in super moms.

Moral to the story, watch out for the garden hose. It can really trip you up.

Anyone have a lullaby to share?

This post is sponsored by my home remedy kit:
Elastic Bandage Ace Type W/clips 3'' Each
Sunbeam Health at Home Easy To Use King Size Moist/Dry Heating Pad, Blue
Motrin IB-Ibuprofen Pain Reliever Tablets 200 mg - 300 Coated Caplets
Max-freeze Gel, 4-Ounce

(Photo: Wikiepedia Creative Commons available for Public Use)

D-Day: A Day to Donate

2011-04-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

My children and I recently cleaned out our closets and toy box looking for those clothing, shoes, toys and books that we had outgrown. I had thought that I would be hosting a "garage" sale this month in keeping with my thoughts that there is a new purpose for just about everything there. We were using this opportunity to celebrate Earth Day awareness by recycling and repurposing these items. But a recent posting at a neighborhood church reminded me that not only was "A Day without Shoes" on April 5, but that there were plenty of people out there that needed shoes that coudn't afford them. They were hosting a "soles for souls" shoe collection this month and then the shoes would be provided to those in Haiti.

Each month my husband and I make a charitable contribution to local and national non profit organizations, those that are important to us. Seeing my large stack of items that we no longer need I looked to my husband. "Honey do we really need the few dollars that this garage sale will bring us or can I donate them?" "Sure, go ahead if that is what you want to do, we can do that instead of writing a check." To be honest there were 7 bags full of clothing, girl children's shoes, children's books, and toys like LeapFrog and V-Tech and they were pretty heavy, but that day I loaded them up to take to a local charity.

So, today I sit here without my shoes on, and remember that D is for Donate; whether it is money, your time, your talents or your goods. All of these things can be used to help others, the environment, yourself and keep your family solidly grounded on what is really important in this world and that is not the things we have, but the things we can use to give away and help others.

From Butterflies to Books: Earth Day Activities that Keep on Giving and GrowingAre you looking for some fun activities to do with your children, class or playgroup for Earth Day? Try creating a Butterfly Garden or find a new use for those old used books in your home.

Three Earth Day Activities for the Family, Class or Community Looking for activities you can do to get your family, school or community involved in for Earth Day? These activities keep giving and growing and don't just last one day.

Charity Begins at Home: Charity Party Ideas

C is for Creativity

2011-04-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

Whether you are a work outside the home or a SAHM creativity has to be one of your many talents. Mom's need to be creative with the household finances, menu planning, discipline technique, bath times, providing a balance and finding ways to get your child to do their homework or chores. Creativity is (according to the dictionary) "the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations, etc.; originality, progressiveness, or imagination" What does that mean for mom's or dad's? It means getting down on the floor and playing with your children. It means entering their world for just a little while. It means finding new ways to relate to your children and the world around you. And sometimes being a creative parent means doing something as small as finding a new new for "grilled cheese" because your children say they don't like it and it's what you have already made for lunch.

5 other ways to be creative when parenting

Trying a new discipline method that you think "will never work."

Finding something new and interesting to motive your child.

Sneaking vegetables in their favorite dishes to make sure they get the nutrition they need.

Finding a new acctivity, event, or place to go with the whole family at least once a month.

Read a book - but act it out.

In what ways are you creative when you parent and what really works for you?

Creativity represents a miraculous coming together of the uninhibited energy of the child with its apparent opposite and enemy, the sense of order imposed on the disciplined adult intelligence.

Norman Podhoretz

B is for Barbie: A to Z Blogging Challenge

2011-04-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

Many years ago I had several Barbie's. I truly didn't understand why I had them because I wasn't particularly fond of them. But ever once in awhile I would take them all out of their case, dress them in a new outfit (after all I didn't wear the same outfit everyday) and play with them a little while.

I think many mother's dream of the days when they can watch their children play with dolls but they may be pretty surprised by what their daughter's think of them. When my oldest daughter, who is now 16, first started playing with Barbie dolls she really had no patience. She didn't think Ken was cute or even nice he was always busy with his friend. She thought Barbie was shallow, and wondered why doesn't Barbie try to do something different. I explained that Barbie did do "different." She was a teacher, doctor, dentist and even animal trainer. And, thanks to the popular Disney movie "Life Size" more one little girl learned that there was certainly more to life that just what you looked life.

My oldest daughter is now 16 but I remember walking into her bedroom to find that she had cut every single Barbie dolls hair and was mixing and matching which clothes she would wear. Plaids and stripes; red and purples, there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what she chose. In shock, I simply said, "Have fun," and walked out of the room. The dolls came away looking a mixture between Goth and well for lack of a better word, slutty.

Apparently there is something genetic about the use and abuse of Barbie dolls in my family. Yet another child was caught standing over the trash can with a Cinderella doll and a pair of scissors.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing mommy."
"What are the scissors for?"
"Well you got a hair cut this week, Jack (the dog) got a haircut and my big sister got a hair cut this week. I just thought my favorite dolly should get a haircut too." Mom stared in horror as Cinderella's crown was removed along with all of her hair. The teen laughed and said, "That's my sister!"

Once again the four year old wins. After all B IS for Barbie and if she wants to change her dollys hair then who am I to say different? I decided to take the high road as a super mom and allow her to explore her creativity with, "Have funny honey, make a great hair style on your dolly; make sure you throw the hair away and put your scissors in the drawer."

Looking at Cinderella's new hair "do" I think maybe I just didn't hide the scissors good enough.

A is for Anguish

2011-04-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

Today my daughter returned to her dad's house. We have shared parenting for but a variety of reasons she now lives with him after 13+ years with me. We spent a week together, and I insist on it being a week just like any other - with the exception of celebrating her birthday. I know that I should be sitting here and concentrating on the wonderful week and time that we had together. We cooked and ate family dinners together. We took a morning for hair cuts and a lunch of her favorite things (sushi and stir fry). Last night we stayed up talking until late into the night. I helper her pack. She said she loves that she can talk to me about anything. And, this morning I woke her for the last time until the summer break.

She sat on the couch with me and we hugged. Long, strong, solid hugs. I tried to be strong. I tried not to cry because I know it makes it harder for her. Hearing those three little words before she leaves, "Mom, I love you," mean the world to me because as the mother of an almost grown teen, I don't get to hear them very often.

Yet, the door closes and the plane flies away. When I return from the airport I will have her younger sisters say, "I don't understand why she has to go to a different school, why can't she just stay with us?" (We say it's school because they just haven't been able to understand that she has a different dad). They cry. They want their sister. The dog slinks into a corner. And I simply want to pull the covers over my head and cry as my heart breaks yet one more time, after one more visit.

Like a homing pigeon she will be back. She always is, and this is home no matter where she lives or what school she goes to. My youngest daughter sits and hugs and hugs me. My middle daughter gets me my "Tigger" and says "Mommy it will be ok." You know what she is right, but now for just a little while I'm going to cry and feel the pain and hopefully be a better mother and person for my experiences. At least, I hope so.

As she leaves, she says, "There you go again mom, you are always trying to find the silver lining."