Secrets of Success Newsletter

Inside - Outside

2012-01-31T06:40:00.000-05:00

So how are you doing on your goals so far for this year? Are your changes coming along the way you want them to? If yes, congrats! You're doing something only a few people ever achieve in January. If you're not, then don't beat yourself up. As Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone with the Wind, "Tomorrow is another day!" Yup, it's another day, another chance to start. And once you get going on whatever that goal is - it's amazing to see what else begins to change around you.

I called this article "Inside - Outside" because a funny thing happens. When you work on changing some external part of you - the outside - your inside changes as well. I don't mean your organs or blood vessels although if you're losing weight or working out, those certainly improve. I mean who you are inside begins to change. You feel differently about yourself and that improved sense of self begins to reflect on everything you do. You treat people differently (especially yourself), you change the way you look at things, you start getting other parts of your life in orderr.

When you change some internal behavior, what's outside you begins to change too. Say you've decided to be more positive or to start keeping track of your money better or to learn something new, that ripples over to the more material parts of your life, the outside as it were.

I think it's all tied up with self esteem. You can't help but feel better about yourself when you're doing something to enhance your life especially if it's something you've always wanted to do. One good change leads to another, snowballing and effecting every little corner of your life.

So take the plunge back to that goal if you've slipped a little or take up a new one that's on your list. Best to consciously focus on one big goal at a time because that's how willpower and focus work best but don't be surprised if you begin to notice lots of other changes going on - inside and outside!

Are you ruled by rules? Are your holiday lights still up?

2012-01-13T22:18:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a particulary structured person - someone who does a bunch of things all at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked this past year if I was ADD. We didn't have that diagnosis when I was a kid so who knows. If I am, I'm hopefully using it to my advantage because I like to do lots of things at the same time - sort of multi-tasking squared. Just have to be considerate when other people are around so it doesn't drive them crazy!

I'm also not particularly rule driven. I don't have to have things a certain way to be happy. As long as no one is hurt in the process, I'm pretty good about having no rules about things. For example, I have a pannini maker thanks to the generosity of Oprah. When my brother was here visiting one time, he asked if would be ok to make sausage in the paninni maker. Why not? Of course! He said others had rules that paninni makers could only be used for making those sandwiches and nothing else. Huh? Really? Why? Does the pannini genie show up taking your cheese away? Why do people have so many rules? Doesn't it make life more stressful?

Like the fact that all holiday lights must be down by New Year's day or January 6th. Why can't we leave them up all winter? Sure would brighten up the dullest time of year and the time with the least amount of daylight. I understand that real trees become fire hazards and must come down but what about artifical indoor trees and outdoor lights? Can't more people break the rules and leave them on? I don't think they use up all that much energy and they are so pretty. Even if I put mine out the day after Thanksgiving, one month is just not enough.

What else do you have rules about? Do people have to do things your way for you to be happy? Or can you be happy with less structure? I'm not saying everyone has to be a free spirit or that we should have no rules - that would be chaotic. But how about a little less structure..and a little less stress.. I love living this way. That way I get to save the tension, the drama, the headaches for the big things in life, the things I can't choose to be flexible about, like losing again to my cousin's daughter in Words with Friends - again!!!

Oh by the way, I'm sitting next to my pretty little sparkly tree. I think I'l keep it up til Valentine's Day!

Marianne

Welcome to 2012!! Decide...believe...share!

2012-01-05T16:07:00.001-05:00

Well it's finally here. The year that people say the world is going to end. Really? How many times have we heard that before? I've heard these things my whole life and thankfully, they've never happened. So I'm certainly not going to spend much time fearing that it all comes crashing down next December. I'm going to have the best year I can possible muster. Why not? That makes sense whatever the end of the year brings, right?

I've done step one in my action plan. Decide. Decide to make this year what I want rather than what someone else says it's going to be. After all, there are so many conflicting opinions about what the Mayan calendar ending means. I've decided that it means one calendar ended and a new one begins. Our 2011 calendar just ended. And it's followed by 2012. So theirs ends and a new one begins. I see it as an even better one than the one before it. I believe that it's what we make it to be.

Which brings me to step two. Believe. I love that word. I have it on the back of my Nike sneakers from Oprah. Believe what you want to believe - not what your parents, society, the media, the Mayans tell you to believe. See what beliefs work and keep those. Ditch the ones that don't and replace them with new ones that empower you. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says - given a choice between two opposite beliefs, neither of which you can be 100% sure is true, pick the one that makes you feel better on a day to day basis.

And once that's working for you, share what you've learned with those around you so we can elevate our community together. I believe that 2012 does call for all us all to step and make better choices. If we want a better world, we each have to do our part because we're all connected in some way. Even Darwin who is attributed with the concept of survival of the fittest as a core component of man also said that we are hard wired to co-operate and even love each other. That part got lost in the shuffle but he mentions survival of the fittest a few times and love close to 100 times...

So join me in my action plan for 2012 - Decide to make this your year, Believe that you can and that you either have or will find the tools to do so and my step three, Share. Share what you know, share the cooperation, the love, the kindness. And one year from now, we'll be looking back at 2012 from our January 2013 comfortable chairs.

If you can, join me as I share the strategies for a great 2012 on January 10th at 7 pm for a free one hour teleseminar. Learn more at www.MarianneDouglas.com/seminars.htm. And Happy New Year!

Marianne

Our beautiful imaginations...and miracles around us this season and always!

2011-12-19T17:30:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful every day for having had the chance to learn the strategies I've been learning the past 15 years. I needed them today. Today was the day of the specialized mammogram because they found a spot 6 months ago.

I hadn't thought about it much until the past week. What would this visit show? Would it still be there? Would it be bigger? What was it? What would that mean for my life, especially if it was the worst case scenario? I went through a range of emotions as anyone would do in that situation. And then I stopped. Because I knew that wasn't the best use of my imagination.

Einstein said that the imagination is more powerful than the intellect. I didn't want to waste my beautiful imagination on worst case scenario because I don't now how powerful our imaginations really are....but I wasn't going to take any chances. Instead I focused on a me free from negative medical news. I 'saw' in my mind's eye the nurse saying everything was ok. I pictured myself rejoicing after, doing something fun. I sang on the way there, putting myself in a good mood. I also did some loud statements saying in the present tense that I was "strong and healthy". Seems to be some effect in saying things out loud although most of us feel funny saying positive things out loud. We have no trouble bemoaning what's not right or saying negative things to ourselves. No room for negativity today...all positive... all focus on what I wanted, not what I feared.

When I got there, I grabbed a pad and started writing the words to the CD I'm creating from my last seminar. It keep my mind focused and busy, unlike the last time when I checked all my worldly possessions into a locker and just had my imagination and all the medical signs to keep me company. A wonderful woman named Frannie took me and made me as comfortable as possible considering that part of my anatomy was about to be painfully squished. And then I joined the other women waiting, all of us nervous in our identical blue wrap-around tops. I made a joke or two about us forming a group and then one by one we were called out until there were just two of us left.

And then Frannie called me. "You're ok," she said. "You're free to go." I did a quick "YES!" and thanked her, overcome with the emotion of the moment. Whatever was there before was gone or maybe never was. "Just keep up your yearly appointment," she said. I nodded yes and headed out into the bright December sunshine, relieved, exhausted, exhilerated. I'm so lucky...so grateful.

Whatever else happens this Christmas week, I've received the best gift of all. I'm healthy. All the other little stresses are nothing really. I always knew that. Even the fall I had on the way in (due to my new clogs and my graceful ways) is nothing. Not a scratch on me despite coming down on the concrete.

I don't know the reasons for the miracle. I do know the strategies I learned were there for me today as they always are, ready to change my focus, to see the world as I want it to be. I'm not sure anything is 100% but I do believe they work on a pretty regular basis... so glad I got to learn them all those years ago..and lucky enough to be able to share them with so many others.

Whatever comes your way this week, try to see it in the best light, the way you want it to be. Make a conscious decision not to use that incredible imagination for worry or negativity but to create what Oprah often calls "your best life". It may just bring a miracle or two your way as well...

Marianne

Holiday stress buster strategies...

2011-12-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

There's a lot of stress out there right now. Holiday madness, economic woes, negative news. I've spent several hours online with various tech support people after a major virus broke through my virus software on my laptop. I can tell you it has not been fun...

We can't change some of the stressful incidents out there. But there are four things we can do to manage stress as I see it.

First is to decide the meaning for the stressful events as they happen - and choose a meaning that feels good
Try not to take things personally
Don't be the cause of stress for ourselves and other. That means be safe and keep the drama in check.
Choose gratitude and kindness over negativity and hateful messages. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays beats the rude gesture every time...

Suppose someone grabs the parking space you had your eye on. Maybe they didn't see you because they were looking at their child in the back seat. Maybe they were deep in thought and didn't know your intention. Let them in...it's only a parking space. You'll find another. Don't try to go in the space anyway like 2 cars in front of me tried to do today. Almost a collision...not smart.

Be as kind as you can to those around you - the clerks, your co-workers, your family members. It's not always easy especially when they're irritating you to no end. Or maybe you could decide they're not really irritating...but entertaining (you put the meaning on everything after all). When you're kind - even to people who don't appear to deserve it - it begins to radiate back to you...

And please be careful out there... be the driver you wish everyone else around you is. No texting, no cell phones, no drinking while driving, of course. Let's make this a memorable holiday season for all the right reasons... breathe, smile, go!! And leave the stress behind you....

Marianne

Behind the scenes...

2011-12-03T17:21:00.000-05:00

Cinderella and her Fairy Godmother

Ever wonder what's going on behind the scenes? I do. I'm incurably curious about just about everything and I always want to know how things are done or what makes people tick or why something does what it does. I especially like it for movies and TV because I've gotten to do both in my lifetime and it's pretty interesting.

I got to thinking of "behind the scenes" today as I was backstage as the Fairy Godmother in Kaleidoscope Theatre's Cinderella's Christmas. I love this show but I have to tell you, the show behind the show is even better. I won't give away all our secrets because that's our private space but the stuff that happens back there is funny, sometimes chaotic, often unpredictable, and full of great comraderie and teamwork.

During these two shows today, I saw the mice (remember the mice befriend Cinderella) and their moms singing and dancing backstage, I saw a frantic search for the pumpkin for the next scene (the one that gets turned into a coach) - it was with Cinderella as it was supposed to be, I saw the actor who played the Minister miming one of songs to the pure delight of our newest mouse in her first show. I also experienced something for the first time - almost missing my entrance because I was talking backstage, something you really shouldn't be doing for just that reason. I made it out there on time but said a few lines of gibberish which hopefully the audience didn't catch... Or maybe they did which adds to the fun of live theatre.

"Behind the scenes" is not just for plays, movies and TV though. There's "behind the scenes" in retail, in businesses, in government, in families. We often just see what we're supposed to see but if we take the time to look behind the scenes, hopefully there's the same kind of cooperation and spirit that's part of doing live theatre with people like the great people I worked with today.

If all the groups I mentioned looked out for each other and tried their best as we did today, I think we'd see a more productive economy, better government and happier families. That kind of world might seem like a fairytale, like the one we performed for the audiences today. But backstage is real life, with real people, real problems. When all choose to work for the same goal - for us, a successful performance - the results can produce a standing ovation! Let's work on making the "behind the scenes" parts of our lives as worthy as the picture we show the world.

My thanks and kudos to my fellow cast mates and the great crew! I love working with you all! See you next week at Connecticut and New York!!

A second helping of Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T19:41:00.000-05:00

I just returned from my second Thanksgiving dinner. This one was extra special (not that my immediate family one wasn't). It was held today because two of my friends couldn't be here Thursday. They were on their way back from Afghanistan.
We were a mixed group - some immediate family of the young couple (I've known the young woman since she was born), some close family friends. But we all shared how incredibly grateful we were for their safe return and the fact that they willingly gave up several months of their lives to be there as Americans.

It's too easy sometimes to forget the sacrifices others make while we sit safely at home, often complaining about the most mundane things. Despite tough times, most of us still have much to be grateful for here. But over there, things were much more challenging. From long hours, to dust storms, to uncooked food, to being far from home, life wasn't that pleasant for them. But they did it.

What are we willing to do? Are we willing to give something up to help others who we'll never even see? Or are we too absorbed in our Black Friday shopping and constant wish for more? Have we forgotten the simple pleasures we get to experience almost at will? Real food? A comfy bed? Electricity?

On the way home, I heard a little of "60 Minutes" where they were saying that something like 16 million children are homeless and living in cars, motels, outside. I believe that as Americans, it's time we all stepped up a bit and gave more of our time, our money, our possessions to give a lift to those who truly need it.

As the Christmas holiday season begins this Thanksgiving weekend, let's all try to go above and beyond and lend a hand to those who need it. And a big thanks to Cassie and Chris who make me proud to be an American. Unlike the celebrities and athletes who are splashed across the media for doing things that are often not particularly commendable, these two airmen like many other service men and women across the country deserve our deep appreciation. I'm so honored to know you both.

A time for gratitude and kindness this Thanksgiving season

2011-11-22T17:01:00.000-05:00

What to write about this week? Seems the logical thing would be gratitude since we're only two days away from Thanksgiving. But I write about that often. I think we need to focus on gratitude daily not just once a year so I won't write about that.

How about kindness? I write about that a lot too. Something that I believe we ought to practice daily as well. I love one of Wayne Dyer's comments about kindness which might be helpful as families gather this Thanksgiving. To paraphrase the good Dr. Dyer, he says that given a choice of being right or being kind, choose to be kind. So when that talkative relative needs to be right on some issue this Thursday, let them be. If they're really insistent about being right, they must really need the feeling, so choose kindness and let them have it or else you could end up in a fight and really let them have it!

How about slowing down and being in the moment? Probably wrote about that sometime too but there's something to be said about paying a little bit more attention to what we're doing whether it's making a favorite recipe, interacting with someone at a store, or driving on a last minute errand. Slowing down mentally (and for some, that includes on the road) might give us the breathing space we need at this hectic time to be think about the gratitude and the kindness, to leave space to enjoy all that comes with a big holiday.

I hope to do all of the above this Thanksgiving week- to slow down, pay attention to those around me, look for things to be grateful for (and despite the challenging times, there's still plenty), to be kind. To remember those we lost this year who we miss dearly, to cherish the ones who remain. To enjoy the good food (I don't have to cook so I know it will be good!), the stories, the games, the laughter..

I wish the same and more for you! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

One year ago today...

2011-11-16T18:48:00.000-05:00

I got an early text from my wonderful cousin Valerie this morning wishing me "Happy Oprah Anniversary!" An unusual greeting for most people but for us, it has special meaning because one year ago today we were lucky enough to be in the audience for the last "Favorite Things" on the Oprah Winfrey Show. (We're the 2 in the upper left)

So yes, we got a whole bunch of things and even better memories of our time with Oprah and her incredible staff. But what I want to focus on most today is that we can't predict when a wonderful experience is just around the corner (same is true for negative ones but who wants to think or worry about those?).

My cousin got the invitation for the show unexpectedly. Yes, she had submitted information to the show in hopes of being invited but the chances are so slim. And we almost didn't go because she was scheduled to babysit her grandson. We had no idea what it would be about...but we did have a sneaking suspicion that it was going to be Favorite Things..

If you're dragging yourself around in these challenging times, if you're bemoaning the lack of sunlight on these shortened days (dark at 4:30 pm - really??), if you're dealing with a difficult situation of some sort, how about opening your mind to the possibility that something great and unexpected is about to happen for you? Rather than asking yourself a question like, "Why does everything bad happen to me?" or saying "This is going to be a horrible day", consider asking, "What great thing is going to happen next?"

I know this sounds simplistic and somewhat impossible perhaps, but I've had great luck with choosing to say something positive and have it followed by things working out pretty well. From parking spaces to people I haven't seen in a long time to Oprah's Favorite Things (which I have to admit I hoped for once we got invited), good things have come my way on a pretty regular basis. And I believe the same can happen for you... Whether they happen or not, sure beats choosing to focus on all the negativity and worry.

If you could use an in-person positive boost, please join me at one of my local free one hour seminars - "How to Thrive in Rocky Times" . Space is limited so sign up early. Great break from the craziness of the holiday season. Ideal for whole families, ages 13 and up!

11/11/11 at 11:11 pm

2011-11-11T23:11:00.000-05:00

I'm sort of a umbers person and 11 has been my favorite number for quite a while. So here we are with five 11's in a row. How cool is that? Or am I just a geek? I'll let you decide on that. As for me, I choose to see it in two parts: finding joy in the simplest of things and not being defined by anyone else label for me.

I love the moment, and finding what's good in it. I love the chair I'm sitting in, the laptop that allows me to communicate, my dryer that just finished my jeans for tomorrow, the hum of my dishwasher, the coziness of my small living room, the fact that I just spent 2 hours watching and participating in Oprah's Life Class. Little joys, big joys depending on your point of view.

Noticing the little things and choosing to seek out joy makes for a much better day than looking for things that aggravate or annoy. I know ther'es plenty of those around but looking for them makes me experience them and I won't let my thoughts to there or stay there for very long. After all, I get to choose what i want to think about and i say JOY!

As for labels, who gets to decide what I am except me? Geek? I love to learn so if geek means someone who loves to learn, I say, "thank you!" There's a quote from someone who I don't remember that says something like "when you label me, you diminish me". Let's save labels for cans and just be. So much more joyfurl when that happens.

I've got 2 more minutes to 11:11...so let me say please help me keep my mentor Oprah on OWN. The world needs positive TV even if you don't choose to watch it yourself. Spread the word to get more people to watch her network, even for just one show a day. We spend enough time perpetuating the less than honorable people/shows/activities on the planet...let's do something that perpetuates good!

Happy 11/11/11 11:11!!

Freak storms provide more life lessons...

2011-11-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

Can't believe it's a week after the freak New England pre Halloween snow storm and some people still don't have power. After going 4 days without it during hurricane Irene, I feel badly for those people who probably don't have heat either. My parents fell into that category last weekend, luckily for only a short time but it's clear that we need to make some changes to help ourselves out.
What kind of changes? Several types both personal and community/government based. Things like:

Make sure you're as ready as possible for whatever challege comes next. Maybe a generator if you can afford it and use it safely, lots of batteries and little lanterns to put them in (found some at Walmart and Christmas tree shops for less than $5 each), a cheap radio (got one after Irene on Amazon for under $10 to hear what's going on), food that won't spoil and water for everyone, a cell phone charger either for in the house with your battery operated radio or one for your car, and a back-up plan of someone's house (or hotel) you can go to if it's just too cold or you're just going too crazy without power.
Get the trees cut down near you that overhang wires or let's nag National Grid or whoever the electric company is to do so. I heard on the radio last night that it would be cheaper for them to cut the trees back than it is for all the money they've lost between people without power and paying people to fix the lines

Our times are full of unexpected situations lately and it's up to all of us to be as prepared as possible so utitlities and towns/cities/municipalities can take care of the people who are unable to do so themselves.

We also must look out for each other as much as we can, even if it's inconvenient, even if we're busy, especially the elderly who may be unable (or too stubborn) to do so. And not forget the people who still are without (power, heat, food) while we're basking in our electricity supplied technology trance...

Let's all do our part to be prepared and help each other out... as cliched (sp?) as it sounds, we're all on this ride together and it's a much better ride if we look out for our fellow travelers

PS...I'm beginning a tour of libraries this week doing a free one hour seminar sharing some tips on how to thrive in the crazy times we're living in. Check the web site for locations near you at www.ThriveinRockyTimes.com . Suitable for ages 13 and up. Bristol RI is up first on Thursday November 10th at 7 pm at Rogers Free Library

Courage....and kindness

2011-10-24T08:36:00.000-04:00

We all have fears. Some are rationale. For example, people in that city that had 25 wild animals on the loose last week were afraid to go outside until they were all captured or killed. Some are not. Like the fear I had at the dentist last week.

I needed a root canal. I've had several in my lifetime but my memories of the last one were not good. It wasn't the procedure I feared. It was the test the last dentist used to determine which tooth needed his attention. "I'm going to touch a tooth," he said. "Put your hand up if you feel pain." First tooth he touched, no problem. The second one sent a shooting pain unlike anything I had ever experienced. I actually kicked the light above me.

So I was nervous going into this appointment. I prepared all my strategies. Told myself it was going to be easy and painless. Brought earphones so I could listen to a soothing hypnosis tape I had. Asked the dental assistant about the details (I like to know what's happening). Told myself that even if there was a problem, it would be to step back and observe what worked for me so i could help others. That was the plan.

What I didn't expect was that I would freak out when they put some plastic thing over my mouth to isolate the tooth and protect me from whatever chemicals they were using. It wasn't painful. But I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had them take it off as I gasped for breath, shaking like a leaf. I could breathe, of course, but it had triggered an irrational fear of being trapped, of claustrophia (I blame my brother Joe for this who trapped me in a rug when we were playing as kids!).

Whatever the reason, I told them I couldn't do it that way. Could they try another method? That's when the kindness should have kicked in. I was coldly told that there was no other way, that it would violate medical procedure, that no one would do it for me. Not one word of kindness for someone obviously upset (and embarrassed). I took a few deep breaths, realized that I had to get this done or there would be a toothache soon that would be worse and asked if they would try it again. She put it back on...but this time didn't cover my upper lip. I said I was ok and put my hypnosis tape on to guide me through the comforting journey of imagining I was at my favorite beach. She muttered to her assistant, probably thinking I could hear her, "It's exactly like I had it."

I apologized when I was done although I hadn't been rude, just experiencing an irrational fear. No comment. I got through it with breathing and visualing my favorite beach, using my imagination to sense every detail of that place. It took a bit of courage, a strategy or two and I got out. There was no pain during the procedure and very little after so kudos to them for a good job, medically speaking.

But would it have hurt to be kind? They're in a job where the actually hurt people in the quest to heal them. Kindness should be a given. I believe kindness is worth striving for in all circumstances. Ellen DeGeneres bases her show on kindness. Our immune system gets a boost when we do or observe an act of kindness. Our brains even get a boost of seratonin with kindness.

I like Dr. Wayne Dyer's quote best of all. "Given a choice between being right and kindness, always choose kindness." Let's think about living that way.

Missing the fall foliage I love so much...

2011-10-18T11:57:00.000-04:00

This is the strangest fall. There is virtually none of the beautiful foliage New England is known for. No big red tree in my neighbor's back yard that I usually se from my office window. No ribbons of oranges and yellows along the back roads and highways. Just drab brown leaves dropping everywhere.

I miss the color. It's one of my absolutely favorite things about living here. But it's not to be this year. I've heard it's because of hurricane/tropical storm Irene that blew a layer of salty mist onto the leaves. Don't know if that's the reason but I've heard it from so many sources it must be true. I always thought of fall as the gift for having to give up summer...but that gift is different this year...not wrapped as beautifully as usual.

Whatever the reason, I miss it. Made me wonder what else I'd miss if it didn't show up for some reason. We are all so busy, we take of lot of people and things for granted. Maybe we need to pay just a bit more attention - not every minute - who has that kind of time? Pay attention to the people who make us smile, the places we love, the weather, the job, our health, our home. Pay attention and say thanks in whatever way works - a prayer, a thought, a smile.

So thank you foliage for all the great autumn colors over the years. See you next year!

PS...If you're an Oprah fan, she's running a great Life Class every night on creating your best life. Check it out... I'm enjoying reinforcing some of the ideas that are in my Strategies for Success program and always like seeing things a new way!

How we can help save a government institution

2011-10-11T08:39:00.000-04:00

I'm concerned that many of the things we rely on are slowing disappearing, usually because they're replaced with a technological alternative. I'm not opposed to progress and agree that some things are better served with the newer products.

Take mail. Email has pretty much eliminated most of the mail we used to send. Bills now may arrive online which is great for the environment. But our postal system is struggling...and may not be there when we need it if we all don't do our part to save it.

Yes, I said 'our' part. Not the government's part because these days, we don't need another government solution. It's our country, our postal service. Why not try to save it ourselves? I have an idea which may or may not work (might be better than the alternative now which is for companies to mail out more catalogs).

Send someone a greeting card, thank you card or personal note once a month. Postage per card is 44cents. Card's can be found relatively cheaply or even made at home. Notes are just paper and an envelope. It's not a huge financial burden to most people, although I know some are hurting right now in the pocketbook but this small act multipied by lots of us, it can certainly help. I did a variation of this in 2008 when the economy was first struggling. I made sure I stopped by all my favorite vendors and bought something small. I didn’t want them to not be there when I wanted them so I made sure that I was a small part of keeping them afloat.

Here's why I like this idea:
• Writing a handwritten note shows that you took extra time to make that person feel special and who wouldn’t want that? People save those and cherish them. No one cherishes an email.

• In business, one should always write a thank you note for an interview, for a promotion, for getting a job. But how many actually do? This would give someone this chance to do the right thing. An employer might look at you in a different way if you took the time to say thanks with a card.

• A card sent could be funny, cheer someone up who needs it, shows you care. Moms and grandmas are especially good potential recipients but there’s a whole list of people who would love to be reminded that someone is thinking of them.

• It doesn’t take long or cost much but the feelings that it leaves behind can last a long time

• Research shows that simple acts of kindness not only make the giver feel better but it also does the same for the recipient. Actually raises serotonin in the brain (the feel good chemical) and gives a boost to the immune system

You’ll know that you did your part in trying to save an institution that although slow at times still has great benefits – personal service right to your door. I’d hate for that to disappear replaced by yet another email or Facebook generic “Happy Birthday”.

Let’s pick a day of the month for ‘Save the Postal System Day” – how about the 15th? Go while out on an errand already (saves gas), grab a card and send someone a big surprise. And send this posting to everyone you know. How cool would it be that we the people actually saved the postal system!

PS…no one to send it to? Send it to me at PO Box 356, Barrington, RI 02806 – no junk mail please, just positive notes to make my day!

Choice - overwhelm vs. simplicity

2011-10-09T15:30:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you but every now and then I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the amount of things that can go wrong in a short period of time, overwhelmed by the onslaught of news (or as I always call it the Top Ten Horrible Things That Happened Yesterday), overwhelmed by all the choices we have for everything.

It used to be simple to buy something. You'd go to the local store and buy it. The end. Now you check every conceivable website. Then you see if the store has a coupon. Then you check Craigslist, EBay and ask everyone. Finally you make the purchase only to find out that it's onsale the next week or that the thing you just bought is obsolete. Whew! Exhausting! And that's just for one thing. We have so many products in our lives now that task gets mulitiped big time!

Even the choices on TV can seem overwhelming - so many channels 24/7 plus On Demand, Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, DvD's and BluRays. All the news shows, the games, the dramas. Who has that much time? Yup,lots of choice. I've tried to DVR my favorites but even working from home, there's not enough time to watch them. Besides who needs another thing on their to-do list?

So my apologies to the writers and actors of some of the promising new shows. As an actor, I appreciate your work but I can't watch. To some of my old favorites (Except anything with Oprah herself, CBS Sunday Morning, and my guilty pleasure, Project Runway - I love to watch people create), I must say goodbye.

21st century, you've given me too many choices and as delightful as many of them are, as grateful as I am for the incredible abundance of our time, I choose to opt for less choice and more simplicity because anything else could mean stress. I choose not to be a slave to the onslaught of media and businesses vying for my attention and dollars.

If I need something, I'll buy it the most logical, convenient place. I will allow a new TV show only if I give another one up. I won't take on a new business idea until I wrap up an old one or at least until it's running on its own online.

Ah...choosing simplicity is soooo nice!

Back to the newsletter...again!

2011-09-29T20:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, if I were you, I would believe that headline either. But as in all times past, I'm thinking this is the time to get back to writing this blog. Why? Because we're living in really challenging times and people need a dose of positivity to balance the negativity. Because I've been lucky to have spent a lot of time studying with the most positive people I know and some of it has rubbed off. Because buried in all the media coming at us, some of it has to lift us rather than drag us down.

So let me try to be that voice. Not that I have all the answers, not that I'm the best writer but that for some reason, this is the path I think I'm supposed to be on...to try to raise a community in some small way...and I'd like to take you on the same journey.

On the agenda for today? Make a list of the things that make you feel better on those days, weeks, months when it looks like nothing's going your way. I've got that list and I think I used them all in the last few weeks/months. In the past 2 weeks - about half my major computer software programs went down, as did the virus software and the communication with my brand new printer (the old one decided to start leaking large quantitles of black ink). I've spent hours with tech support, days trying to figure out what was wrong. But as of this afternoon, it's all working...and I still have my sanity intact (sort of).

The secret is knowing your positive strategies - whether it's a nap, a walk around the block, a cookie, a drive - having that list and following it will truly helk when you've overwhelmed by the technology that's supposed to make our lives easier or whatever challenge comes your way.

PS...even got a new look...makes me want to sign up and write more!

Lessons since we last connected

2011-05-27T11:24:00.003-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I had abandoned this blog thinking that everyone must be pretty sick of hearing from me by now. But in a recent visit to my old school, I got asked by several people what happened to my newsletter? So I'm back...and again hoping to do this regularly.

So...some lessons as we approach the Memorial Day weekend. Gratitude is always on the top of my list because it is so important on many fronts. Gratitude for the people who served our country. Gratitude to the people we meet every day who do the little things for us without complaining (or not complaining much). Gratitude for the public figures who enhance our lives (Thank you Oprah for 25 years of inspiration, guidance, and being our ultimate teacher and girlfriend!). Gratitude for being alive despite the fact that world seems a bit whacky these days.

I was writing up a top ten list for seniors about to graduate from high school for my new program Success for Life 101: A How-to Guide for Life After High School and suggested that they swap complaining for gratitude if they wanted to change their lives. Simple changes like this can make major differences in the way we approach our daily lives. If you want to read the rest of the tips, check out that website. Also, feel free to suggest a few as I'm in the process of developing the seminar for local students and the book/CD/video for those who live farther away.

Sheesh...just got booted off and the rest of this disappeared. Not complaining...grateful most of it was saved!

Have a great weekend...have fun, be safe, and see you soon!
Marianne

Watch out for the news!

2011-02-01T09:33:00.002-05:00

Notice I didn't say 'watch the news'. I said 'watch out for the news'. Why? Because the news is not the news. It's the list of the ten worst things that are happening around the world.

I'm in the snowy northeast United States and we're had our fair share of winter so far this February 1st. I work from home so it's a bit easier for me than others. No early morning shoveling my car out. I get to watch the morning news shows if I feel like before I start my day. Today I did just that - blizzard across the US, category 4 cyclone in Australia, unrest in Egypt. All newsworthy stories of course. But terrible.

Now I'm a pretty positive and optimisic person but even I was dragged down by watching this. I had to remind myself that this is not the full picture. I made myself carefully observe the newscasters who actually are salivating at the mobs in Cairo and the potential for 2 days of snow. Their excitement is palpable. They love talking about the worst. "The demonstrations in Cairo have been peaceful so far with families even coming out...but it could get much worse." "The snow in Chicago may be the worst it's ever been...since 1965." I don't know about you, but I hope the demonstrations in Egypt are peaceful protests and that the situation may be resolved quickly and as safely as possible. I hope the snow in Chicago (which is pretty used to snow) is not life threatening to many. But it happened in 1965 and the city's still there...

But let's have some balance....please. I know more people tune in for bad news. I know that's how they make their living. But don't tease us with a little cute story at the end to make us think that the world is 90% horror and 10% You Tube humor. I shut the TV off. I got the basics...I know when the snow is turning to ice. And now, let me go do an errand... and see the beauty of the world.

If I continue to watch that news, I'm not going to feel like doing anything. Why bother? The world seems like it's collapsing around us which is not the case thankfully - although the news wants us to see it collapse with them (and buy their products for headache and stomach cures for the stress we cause our bodies). Let's take this day to send positive thoughts (or prayers if you believe) to those who are having difficult days for whatever reason and let's go back in our minds to a time when we weren't filled to the brim with catastrophe. It is possible... and it's only a thought away.

Ket's enjoy the day! And for those of you in the snowy places, drive safely!

A new weather normal

2011-01-27T18:34:00.002-05:00

With piles of snow at the end of the driveway over 3 feet tall, it's time to look at winter a new way. This is the third storm in a week (or is it four, I've lost count) and it's only late January. What does it all mean?

A scientist on the Today show today said that most scientists believe it's global warming which doesn't mean it's warmer (that's for sure) but that there is more moisture - which makes warmer,more humid summers and snowier winters. And that we'd better get used to it.

So it's a new world. What do we do about it? Complain. I suppose but doesn't make me feel better. Go with the flow, of course. We can't fight weather, not yet anyway. So we either have to go with the flow or look at it a new way. One of Dr. Wayne Dyer's favorite quote is, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

When we take action about circumstances over which we have no control, we change everything. We need to look at the weather a new way. I know it's something I did years ago when I skied. I enjoyed winter because of the beautiful ski areas I got to go to. I don't ski now so I need to find new things to like about all this.

Like what, you say?
- realize that I can get a lot of work done on my business because it's too cold, too icy, to dark to go out much. I always want to play hooky in nice weather.
- as an entreprenuer, I can look at ways to make money with this weather (think of all those who are profiting from this weather)
- I can contemplate if I want to continue to live here or move somewhere warmer
- I can think about the things that are good in the winter - lack of bugs (OK, I'm a sissy girl), hot chocolate and stew, covers, good movies on Netflix

Bottom line is we have to decide what to make of this new normal. If we choose our reaction and plan for what's coming, we'll have a much better handle when the next snowy blast strikes!

Stay warm and watch out for black ice!

Thanks for the lights!

2011-01-24T16:24:00.002-05:00

As you can see from the date on this posting, we are well past the holiday season. As I've driven around lately in this snowy New England countryside, I've noticed that some people have not yet taken down their holiday decorations. Twinkling amid the snow covered shrubs are beautiful lights that are really putting a smile on my face. Is it a kindred spirit for fellow procrastinators? I don't think so. I think it's an appreciation of the fact that the holiday passes by so quickly that we don't get enough of a chance to enjoy the beauty around us.

Winter is especially dreary this year, maybe becuase it's so cold (-5 today here not counting wind chill and this is a coastal state which is usually warmer!) and there's so much snow piling up with more coming. Having some sparkle around is really nice and I'm very grateful that there are several houses still displaying their holiday glory. It's mostly just lights out there - no mangers, no Santas - and that's just perfect for dreary winter.

We have so little sunlight this time of year that we need to have something special for all that darkness. Conservation concerns aside for a minute, maybe we ought to think about stretching out those decorations a bit longer each year - maybe all the way up to Valentine's day. Thoughts?

And maybe we need to do a little extra to shine in these dark, cold times. My cousin Val, the Queen of all things glitter, is my reminder to always add some shine to life. Let's shine a little bit more if possible this winter and share a little bit of the warmth that we all need!

PS...if you want to help a great organization, please check out the auction for Meeting Street School that ends this Saturday. I donated some of my Oprah's Favorite Things candles to the cause!

A Bully Free New Year

2011-01-09T20:37:00.001-05:00

We’re one week into the New Year, one week past making those resolutions that most of us don’t keep for a variety of reasons. We quit making whatever changes we’re looking to make too soon (Research shows that it takes twenty-one to twenty-eight days to build or break a habit) or we take on something we think we need to change but actually don’t want to change. Keeping resolutions is just not that easy.

One resolution that I hope many people will make this year despite the fact that we’re already past New Year’s Eve is to make 2011 a bully-free year. What? You’re not a bully! Or are you without even realizing it? Some of us are and we’re setting a very bad example around people who need it the most – our kids.

I’ve been working with teens most of my life and as any parent or teacher will tell you, kids don’t do what we say, they do what we do. And many of us haven’t been the best of role models lately.

Think of the recent election. Politicians on both sides of the aisle spent their advertising dollars berating their opponent incessantly. Yes, I’ve heard the argument that playing nice doesn’t win an election. But our children are watching and modeling what they see. All we have to do is notice the prevalence of bullying lately to see that they’re exhibiting those same behaviors – often with catastrophic results.

We as adults realize that the political rhetoric is all part of the game, disturbing as it is at times. But teens, whose brains don’t fully develop until they’re 21, aren’t as capable of deciphering what’s real and what’s done for effect.

Which brings me to the TV, movies and video games in their lives. Over the years these media forms have become more outrageous catering to the weakest part of humanity. I read a statistic in doing research this past year that said by the age of 12, children will have been exposed to 12,000 simulated murders. By age 21, they will have seen over a million commercials.

We can’t change what’s shown but we can choose what we watch especially in front of our kids. We also need to be aware of what they’re watching so we can at least discuss the content, helping them to realize that just because something’s on TV or the internet, it doesn’t have to be fact. It also isn’t a true picture of who we are as humans. We’re much more than the news (News? Or the sharing of the ten worst things that happened yesterday?) and reality shows indicate. In recent research, I found the statistic that for every negative event that happens, ten positive ones do. But no one hears about them.

And then there’s our behavior. Cursed at a driver lately? Said something unnecessarily rude to a family member? Yelled at the TV? We’re human, of course, and there are times when we all just lose it. But if it’s the way we spend a majority of our time, if we walk around being offended all the time by everyone and everything like we’re the center of the universe, then we’re setting an example for kids that is leading to bullying and worse. (In the time between writing this on paper and typing it today, a young man shot at a congresswoman in Arizona and in the process killed innocent bystanders and injured many more.)

Let’s make a new habit, set a new resolution for 2011. If we all do our part and make even a small positive change, it will begin to ripple throughout our society and give our kids a chance. It can be done. I saw it happen in a public high school where it started with one class and spread throughout the school and community.

Given a choice between negativity, choose a kinder response instead. Go back to the Golden Rule of ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. Dr. Wayne Dyer who is often seen on PBS with his wonderfully positive programs says that we actually get an increase of serotonin, the feel good hormone, every time we do a kindness for someone. We also get a boost to our immune system, not a bad thing for these winter months. The great news is that research shows that whoever receives the kindness gets the same benefit as well and….I love this part…anyone who witnesses that act. Talk about win-win!

Our kids are watching, listening, and mirroring what we do. I’ve heard several times that this is the first generation that doesn’t expect life to be better than their parents. They’re dealing with a world we created for them. The amazing thing is that when teens are given the opportunity to do good, to see a positive path in their lives, they embrace it. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. Don’t we owe them that chance?

Let’s make 2011 the beginning of a better life for America’s kids. Let’s have a happy, healthy, bullying-free new year!

Help me stop bullying

2010-08-18T20:45:00.002-04:00

It's been a very long time since I've written. I've been working on the major update of the Strategies for Success curriculum for high schools. I taught the course to a group of college freshmen this summer (they raved about it!!) and I reprised the role of the Fairy Godmother again in Cinderella on tour this summer. Busy, busy, busy! But I love it and am very grateful for all the opportunities that have come my way.

But the biggest thing is the journey to end bullying. As many people know, I wrote my program after the suicide death from bullying of one of my students. The program changed my school and the lives of the over 85% of the students who took it. But bullying continues in our country. And we need to do something...all of us.

I'm working with a group on putting together an Anti-Bullying Summit for my state where we gather people from all communities with a stake in bullying and brainstorm solutions. Better to gather solutions and put them into practice than wait til another student is harmed.

I also applied for a grant from Pepsi and this is where I could use your help. You see the grants go to those people who have the most votes. Now lots of people have voted for American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. This time I need you to vote for my proposal which would get my program in 100 schools, train the teachers, turn the two bullying shows from Kaleidoscope Theatre into DVD's so they can be seen world wide and much more....

Please vote...every day in August...and tell everyone you know to do the same. We can do this..if we take the time to save a life...

Here's how: Text message 101886 to Pepsi (73774) or go to: http://pep.si/bDCjyz

Thanks!!!

Little things make all the difference

2010-03-16T15:09:00.002-04:00

How do you take down a 100 foot tree without crashing into someone’s house? Especially my house? One little piece at a time it seems. I’m watching a crew from a tree removal company take down a tree across the street from me. What an amazing process. I can see about 5 guys, 4 on the ground and one about 60 feet up at the moment. They started at the bottom cutting one branch at a time, each branch tied to a rope so it would fall down gradually. The huge top piece just came down but it wasn’t a big deal because all the branches below it were gone. All those branches…they’ve already sawdust, ready for the next life this tree must lead. All of this has happened in less than 30 minutes, one little step at a time. I hate to see a tree go but there must have been a reason for it. For me it’s a reminder that even the biggest jobs, the most outrageous sounding goals can all be broken down into little steps. We don’t have to be overwhelmed by the sheer immensity. We just have to take a baby step and proceed. Amazing things happen when we do.

Had another lesson today about how important the little things are. I’m now acting in a show that I helped write called “High School BULLY”. We (me and 6 very talented young actors) did 2 shows today in Canton, MA for the freshmen and sophomore classes. I took a few minutes as the students were walking in and again when they were leaving to say hello, thank them and just let them know that we were glad to be with them today. It was a little thing but I think an important one. How many teens go through the day with no one even noticing them? I always did this as a classroom teacher and I think it mattered to my students. I know it mattered to me because I wanted them to know I cared about them as people, not just students.

What little thing can you do that will make a big difference today? Who can you connect with…in person or even with technology if that’s all that will work for you. Who can you tell you care? It’s a little thing but those little things seem to be the true secrets of success.

I hope you have a wonderful day!

Lessons from the Olympics

2010-02-19T20:54:00.002-05:00

So much inspiration. So many lessons that the Olympics can teach us. I get such goose bumps when I watch people who let nothing stand in their way to achieve their dreams, no matter what country they come from. Sure I'm an American and happy to see our athletes on the medal podium. But I also admire and am inspired by those from around the world who come to share their talents with all of us.

Whether you like winter sports (What is skeleton???) or not, I hope you'll spend a little time seeing the beautiful city of Vancouver as it showcases the incredible talent of these remarkable athletes. To me, this is what television was designed for. To teach us about our neighbors in the world, to show us their cultures, to see the beauty of the world around us. And to let us peek into the lives of those who have triumped over sometimes insurmountable odds to achieve something that few of us could do.

Seeing that makes me realize that if they can do triple flips and fearless downhill runs, then just maybe we can survive all that life throws our way. And in my family much has been thrown our way in the past few months. We are suviving...my dad is well after 2 months in the hospital and my nephew who was close to losing his life a month ago is slowly recovering although his trip to full recovery will be a long one. We play the Olympics on TV for him as he holds the skateboard that used to be a part of him so that he can see what miracles are truly possible.

I hope you'll get to watch some of those Olympic miracles. In a world where inspiration is often hard to find, there is plenty for all of us to enjoy.

Thanks Vancouver and all the great athletes! You make us all proud.

Being at the forefront

2009-10-22T13:14:00.003-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I was contacted recently by someone I worked with at one of the big seminars I went to about this new web page that will sweep the nation in the next few weeks. It's a way for you to have your own home page, get cash back on your purchases...and it's free. To me, that's a success secret if I ever heard of one.

Why have your own page? You can shop at some of the biggest companies - iTunes, Gap, BestBuy, Southwest Airlines, Dell and so many more and get great prices...and cash back! You can personalize the very beautiful site with your favorite news, sports, fantasy sports, music, games and social networks You can share your site with all your friends. When they shop, you get cash back from their purchases too

It's absolutely free!

Ever wonder how some people are lucky because they get in at the beginning of a big trend? Be lucky today and join at noon. It's estimated that over a million emails are going out at noon today so if you have the chance, join for free at noon and then send this email to your friends. You can customize your page later. The key today is to get to as many people as possible so you can benefit from their membership.

There is no downside to this even if you personally never shop online. I promised myself a long time ago to only share what I truly believe will help people and this is one of those opportunities. I'm lucky that someone chose to share it with me.

Check it out now at www.tinyurl.com/blastofftoday

Marianne