Secrets of Success Newsletter

Step away from the negativity!

2015-11-24T06:53:00.001-05:00

There's been a lot going on in the world lately that is extremely negative. It's easy to succumb to watching the news constantly, wondering what's going to happen next, and worrying for the safety of yourself and those you love. In reality there have always been times like this. The difference is the news is now 24/7 and it's hard to step away from it even for a few minutes. But as the quote says from many years ago, "If we do that, then the terrorists win."

Any time we spend more time in the negative than in the positive we're letting that part of our life win. The good news is we always, always have a choice about where to direct our thoughts. The more we can focus on all the wonderful things happening around us as well, the better our life will be, the better our health will be, and the more joy we will bring into the world. And the world could always use more of that.

Granted, it takes practice to step away when there's so much negativity to be had. For me the first step was to make the decision not to watch the news. I don't need to know about a murder somewhere else, I don't need to know about something fearful happening, and I certainly don't need to watch any more commercials about prescriptions that have side effects that are worse than the disease they are created for. If something happens I need to know, I'll hear about it. Other than that, there's no need to watch any of it. The networks have to fill their time. I don't have to fill my brain.

The next step is to catch myself when I'm going in a negative direction with my thoughts. As soon as I do catch myself, I immediately asked myself a really good question. Because as soon as you ask a question you redirect your brain. Great questions that I used to use with my Strategies for Success students include:

• what's good about this?

• what made me smile today?

• what am I grateful for?

As soon as I start coming up with the answers to one of those questions, I begin to feel better. It's not an instantaneous cure especially if I've spent a lot of time in negativity hell but I soon start to feel better.

Best thing to do? Start the day positive-just as I'm doing right this very minute. Have a wonderful day!

I see you!

2015-10-22T20:20:00.001-04:00

I just got back from speaking at the Safe Schools Conference at Sacred Heart University in Connecticut sponsored by the National Crime Prevention Council. My goal was to share how the Strategies for Success program can work in any district because it was created to empower, inspire and educate teens. But one of the main things I focused on is that we have many lost kids these days, lost for many reasons - bullied, ignored, phubbed (the new term for people not paying attention to someone because they're looking at their phone) and feeling poorly about themselves because of their home life, how they think the rest of the world according to social media posts and many other issues.

The bottom line is that we all need to be seen, to know we matter. I remember Oprah saying something like this years ago but it really resonated with me as I prepped for this conference. I looked at all the shooters who committed this horrible tragedies and wondered if they knew they mattered. Did someone take the time to say, "I see you" and you're worth it or were they among the ignored?

Whatever the reason, I think it's time right now for each of us to tell and show the people in our lives that they matter, that you see and appreciate them. It's not a job for one person but for each home, each school, each business, each community. If we reach out and spread that word, then we have a better chance of reaching all those who feel unseen. All it takes it a simple hello, a thank you, a smile.

Quick story. I stopped at the highway rest and food stop in Milford, CT. I wanted to go to Cheeseboy which sounds silly but actually has the nicest people and wonderful food - home made soups and freshly made pannini type sandwiches with of course, cheese. I handed out a "Thank a Shining Star" card to the woman who waited on me because she was so good at her job and very pleasant. She was so excited to get it, that she ran back to show her manager. A few minutes later, he came out, saw me and exclaimed, 'It's you! I have the card you gave me last year from a different location. You're an angel! You change lives!" All for recognizing their kindness, great attitude and good service.

Join me? Get out there and SEE people!! They'll love it and so will you!

Make someone's day today

2015-10-09T11:15:00.001-04:00

I'm prepping to speak at a safe schools conference in late October so my ears and eyes have been attuned to what our kids need to feel safe, supported, and empowered. I believe the most important thing is for our kids to know they matter.

We all need that. To be seen. To be heard. While we may not have been able to stop the tragedies that happened, we may be able to prevent the next one. We can all do our part to let the people in our lives feel heard. And we can choose how we interact with the strangers who cross our path.

It can be as simple as a smile or a thank you. A look in the eye versus phubbing which is the new word to describe ignoring or snubbing people by looking at your phone.

Sound too simplistic? Perhaps... but I know it works because it was part of my work with teens for many years. As a classroom high school math teacher I made a point of greeting or smiling at each student every day. My Strategies for Success classes included a daily high five mainly because it gave everyone a chance to see and be seen by everyone else. Although resistant at first, students learned to love that little touch and never let me skip over it. For some it was the only positive moment of the day.

It was important especially in the awkward teen years. Many students have very challenging home lives. Even those teens who seem the most together have doubts about their looks, their worthiness, their place.

So while everyone debates gun control and mental health issues, how about we all step up and make sure we let those we love know we care. And for those strangers that cross our paths? Chose to be positive rather than indifferent or hostile. You never know what kind of day they're having. Your interaction - positive or negative - might make all the difference in the world.

New beginnings

2015-10-04T09:27:00.000-04:00

Last week was a total lunar eclipse, something that won't be repeated until 2033. There were lots of posts on social media explaining the significance of the event but all seemed to focus on the fact that an eclipse like that ushers in big changes.

I don't know who decides the meanings of events like this but I understand the value in attaching meaning to events that are experienced by great numbers of people. A perfect example is New Year's Day which is associated with creating new resolutions. People of many cultures and from many countries use New Year's eve or New Year's day for making big changes in their lives. Another is the beginning of the school year.

In reality we can choose any moment as a starting point for whatever change we want to make. It's one of the many things we get to choose that maybe were not even really consciously aware of. I chose this quote today because we get to decide today as we wake up and start the day who we want to be, how we want to live our lives, how we want to look at any situation. It doesn't matter how we lived yesterday, last week last month. Today is a brand-new slate for whoever we want to be.

What changes would you like to make right now? Who do you want to be today? Someone who is patient, kind, happy? Someone who sees the beauty in this amazing world we live in? Someone who focuses on what's good about a situation versus what's wrong with it? It's all up to you. It always has been. Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, we have had the power all along. So go out and have yourself a kind of day you most want whatever you end up doing. Have a wonderful day!

2015-08-13T07:24:00.001-04:00

2015-08-06T07:22:00.001-04:00

How will you live today?

2015-07-29T07:52:00.001-04:00

I saw this great quote yesterday which I'll attach that says that one of your best decisions is what mood you'll pick for the day. I made an active decision several months ago to start the day by choosing to be in a good mood. It's not always easy because thoughts of things that didn't go well from the day before tend to creep in. But the key it seems is to determine how much attention the thoughts and the day before warrant. If we give them power, then they have power over us. But if we decide to focus on what's good in life especially at the beginning of the day then we have a better chance of having a day worth remembering.

One of the first things I do when I open my eyes and think of at least a couple of things I'm grateful for. Then I tried to read something positive for a few minutes or make a quote for the day that I can share on all my social media platforms. If I have time I even try to listen to a positive audio. That gets me in the right frame of mind for whatever the day brings.

This can be seen as law of attraction where like attracts like. Or it can be an example of how our brain works according to Dr. Deepak Chopra who said in a recent meditation session that the brain creates links and thoughts similar to the ones before it.

So I already did those first three things and now I'm speaking this blog. This is the first time I'm trying that but I'm hoping with my positive mindset for the day that it will work just fine! If not, it's not too big of a crisis and I'll try another way but I think it will work.

So how will you choose to start today or if it's later in the day how will you start tomorrow?

The Power of Appreciation and Gratitude

2015-07-20T20:31:00.001-04:00

I study a great variety of people in a quest for a more peaceful, joyful and successful life for me and those I interact with who are seeking the same. Pretty much all of them talk about the power of gratitude to lift us at any given moment.

Like most people I have my own challenges to deal with. I have a go-to list of strategies to implement when they present themselves as inevitably they do. One of the top on the list is gratitude. In fact I start the day as soon as I open my eyes with thinking of at least 3 things I'm grateful for. The feel of my sheets is always on the list. It's simple. It's there and they really do feel good!

Law of attraction theory says that starting the day that way starts a momentum of positivity because you attract what you focus on. Starting it thinking of all the things that went wrong the day before will start the day in the opposite direction. We get to choose.

I'm listening to Deepak Chopra's newest meditation series that he produces with Oprah Winfrey currently. He co-authored a book called Superbrain with Harvard brain scientist Dr. Rudi Tanzi. Chopra says that when we start thinking positively, the brain gathers another thought like it...and then another...and then another. They don't call it attraction as such. It's more the function of the brain as it lines up neural pathways.

I don't care what the reason is. I just know that starting the day that way really helps me have the life I want. Do I have everything? Of course not. Who does? But I have a sense of peace, joy and abundance that seems to constantly bring more of the same to me.

I can't change others. I can't alter certain life circumstances. But I can change me. And that does change everything.

Everything is always working out for me

2015-05-09T16:37:00.000-04:00

I study positive strategies from a great variety of sources. I love reading the various perspectives and am gratitfied to find out that most come down to the same basic principles that are easy to understand but often not too easy to implement. I love quotes which I turn into memes (quotes on a background like the one to the left) because I never know what turn of phrase will make me see the world just a bit clearer, more optimistically than I did before I read it. Quotes were part of every daily sheet I gave my Strategies for Success students. Back then weren't so sure they liked them but now many of them post their own or share the ones they find from me on my Facebook page.

The most recent quote is from Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction work. "Everything is always working out for me." When I first heard it, I thought that I couldn't say it because everything wasn't exactly how I wanted it. Whose life is? But then I remember someone on one of Dr. Wayne Dyer's audio series saying that when she first said a positive affirmation, it sounded like a lie. After a bit of time, it seemed that it could be possible and ultimately it became a reality. That's what's happened to me.

I said it all the time I was away at my time share in Florida to my best friend, those friends I visited and those I left behind. My best friend was doubtful as I had been. After a couple of weeks with me, she was a believer because everything was always working out for me. Little things like wishing there was a certain restaurant nearby and it was to traffic opening up. I had been a bit disappointed that I didn't have the Pre clearance for security as I had for so many other recent flights. Then I found out the airport was testing a way to let us all through without taking anything off or anything out. Even a major business opportunity that I thought hadn't worked was well received. It seems to be a never ending stream of things working out for me.

How about you? Are you willing to try this phrase out for a while? I know that those of my somewhat doubtful friends are now believers...and that's what it takes. Believing that things are working out, even those that seem like they might not be at first glance.

Give it a try...and let things start falling into place in your life!

Until next time, keep shining!
Marianne

Stuck thinking...

2015-04-17T10:20:00.001-04:00

I'm all about looking at ways to change my thinking. I love Dr. Wayne Dyer's quote: When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I've heard quantum physicists say that atoms change when you look at them. Yet so many of us, me included at times, stay stuck in the same pattern and wonder why nothing improves. I was just listeningn to a podcast from Nick and Jessica Ortner of The Tapping Solution and there was he Einstein quote about doing the same thing and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.

So what happens when we change the way we think? All kind of things big and small. I shared on my blog for Solopreneur Women the story about how just changing to a new external mouse made everything work better on my computer. I had to think a new way to make that happen because I was busy problem solving the laptop which turned out not to be the problem.

What can you think of another way? As something on Facebook today said, don't think outside the box. Blow up the box! How would someone very different from you approach a challenge you face? How would someone you admire do it? There is power in modeling what successful people do because as Tony Robbins' says success leaves clues.

So pick something today that's giving you a bit of stress and try to think of it another way. Then believe that the answer will come your way and let it go. Usually that will do the trick for me. Hopefully it will for you too!

Til next time!
Keep shining!

2015-04-11T16:57:00.001-04:00

Can we be positive in these times?

2015-04-03T09:03:00.004-04:00

What’s the point in being positive with the world we live in? That’s something I hear often. My usual response to that is to ask what their view of the world is. I then hear a litany of stories that can be found any given day in the news – terrorists, plane crashes, murders and so on. The fact that all the news shows have to fill up huge blocks of time every day means that they have to seek out as much mayhem as possible. Add that to the fact that we humans are wired to be curious especially about the odd and the awful leads many to believe we live in a predominantly negative world.

I don’t watch the news. I don’t have much negativity in my Facebook feed. I look for and pay attention to the miraculous (spring buds coming out from under piles of snow) and the things that bring a smile to my face. I revel in the new inventions, the feel of my sheets when I slip into bed, the friends that make me think and make me feel loved.

Just that simple shift from focusing on negativity in the news to noticing things that make me happy changes my world view dramatically. Does that mean terrible things aren’t happening somewhere? Absolutely not. But there are so many more wondrous things. I figure I’ll hear about the important ‘news’ stories eventually and then I can choose to find out more if I care to. But other than that, I don’t even want to randomly let them drift into my sphere.

As we head into a holiday weekend for many religions, I think it’s a good time to make a decision to pay attention to what’s good around us – in our family members (yes, I know they can be challenging but they probably think the same thing about us), in our fellow citizens and yes, in our world.

Until next time, keep shining!

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Things are not as bad as we sometimes anticipate

2015-03-06T08:09:00.001-05:00

I admit it. As much as I teach stress-busting strategies, I'm chicken to go to the dentist. I've had some pretty bad experiences there the most recent being a couple of years ago when I had my mouth and nose covered and couldn't breathe. The dentist and assistant had stepped out leaving me with a thing anchored to my mouth that I couldn't take off. Can you say panic attack?

Since then, I'm even worse at the dentist. This past week I had an appointment to make a flipper tooth because they're going to pull one out soon. I was a wreck because I thought I would have to hold this goop in my mouth for a long time to make an impression. Sounds easy but my brain got wired for fear that day a few years ago and I had to be prepared. I gathered my usual batch of stress-busting strategies (check them out in my Frazzled to Freedom: 30 Days to a More Stress-Free You program) and valiantly sauntered in. I was ready. Know what? It was a breeze! Turns out the process for this was easy. Yes, they had to make impressions - 3 of them - but they each took a little less than 2 minutes! Yippee!

Hasn't something similar happened in you? You put off doing something you need to do or think would be good for you because you think it's going to be too hard, too expensive, too time consuming. I did that on a simple scale with the mouse for this computer. I've never been good at the one on the laptop so I've used an external one. My computer was giving me trouble, jumping around, the mouse not doing it's job. One day it hit me that all I really needed to do was probably get a new mouse. Everything changed - this one has a smaller insert into the USB which makes it better for lugging the laptop from coffee shop to coffee shop and everything is now smooth and easy. Why did I wait?

What are you waiting for? Is there something you need to do that you're afraid of? It might not be all that bad once you actually step in and do it. So gather your best strategies (or use mine) and go! What a feeling once you've conquered yet another demon and worked towards something that matters.

Til then, keep shining!

Reset/Reboot your computer...and your life

2013-02-19T16:24:00.002-05:00

Ever want to reset your life? Reboot it so to speak? Me too. So I do. Every chance I can.

Think of how we're alwasy opening more windows, more apps and more programs on our computers and tablets. Finally the piece of technology just can't function any more. It slows down, stops responding (my mother's least favorite phrase) or just plain freezes. So we reboot, restart, start fresh.

We do the same with our lives. We keep piling on projects, plans, and errands until we just feel overwhelmed - work, home, kids, homework, classes, computers. Add a blizzard to that mix, a nice dose of mostly negative news and we too start 'not responding'.

Full freezer after winter storm Nemo

What to do? Reboot. Look for an opportunity to start again. I'm using the blizzard for that purpose. Because I lost power for several days, everything in my refrigerator and freezer had to go. So now except for some bags of ice (which turned out to be good 'canaries in the mines' so to speak since I was away from home during the blizzard and could see that the ice melted and refroze), I have a completely empty freezer and fridge. I get to start over - clean it and restock it with maybe even better and healthier food than before.

(Notice that my focus is on what's good about the situation - not the money lost but the opportunity presenting itself as well as gratitude that the rest of my house and yard survived nicely in my absence. )

Clean start freezer

The funny thing is that when you apply this strategy to one area of your life, it tends to affect other areas. I'm in the 'what else can I clean and organize' mode right now. I'm asking what else could use a refreshing? Just the asking of the questions provides all sorts of possibilities. Our brains are wired to answer whatever we ask. We just usually ask lousy questions!

So restart the computer, Send those apps jiggling and take advantage of whatever other opportunities show up. One restart can be just the ticket for getting through this lovely winter!