See Mom Smile

The Target of My Affection

2015-10-07T15:23:00.001-07:00

My Dearest Target,

From the time I was a young mom, with little to my name, you welcomed me. For the last 25 years you have given me everything a woman, wife, and mom could ask for. I have turned to you for peace, quiet, and serenity and you have never disappointed me. You are everything others have tried to be and failed. You are my one stop breath of fresh air on a hot day and I love you for it.

You greet me with your shiny red carts, and the smell of new merchandise beckons me. My list of essentials is quickly forgotten as your clearance stickers and new home décor lure me in. The passages of pretty things draw me in like kid in a candy store. You grant me wishes I didn’t know I had. Soon my cart is full of happiness and I immediately feel more organized, beautiful and functional.

The changes of seasons are better because you’re there. The spook of Halloween, the sparkle of Christmas adornment, the sweetness of Valentine's, gives joy to my insides. I can conquer gift giving faster than Oprah gives away cars. I feel like the queen herself; I can buy, wrap and sign a card and be out your doors like a professional shopper.

I am even brought out of my turkey-induced slumber on Black Friday because of you. I want to revel in the excitement of your crowded aisles and enjoy seeing others experience all you have to offer. It is a tradition and a thrill to share that day with my girls and you. The long lines of shoppers don’t really matter because I know they really don’t appreciate you. They are fair weather fans that are not into you for the long haul. You know I will always be back after the chaos has ended.

When I thought you could not be any more in tune with my needs, you added

groceries to your aisles. You save me Target. You save me from that extra trip to the grocery store. Piled in my cart of happiness are snacks, cold cereal, almond milk and the makings for tonight’s dinner. And when my son needed to be gluten free, you provided his favorite chicken strips that made me mother of the year. Target, you are the answer to everyday living and my peace of mind.

Target Redcard is the jewel in the crown of my Target experience. Just for shopping, just for being a person with needs, you give me 5% off every time. I win the lottery at every check out. No coupons needed; no blue light specials. You are paying me for the privilege of loving you. And I would like to think that you love me too.

Your ever grateful and dedicated customer,

Linda

Sunday Naps

2015-06-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

Coming home from church yesterday, my husband looked at me as I was yawning and asked if I was going to take a nap.

"I don't think I have a choice", I said.

And that is exactly how I feel on Sundays. I literally have no choice on wether to nap or not. My body knows. My body instinctively knows it will not get much mattress time until Saturday morning, and that's a maybe. My body starts to sense this in the last few minutes of church, when my eyelids become heavier than day 1 on the Biggest Loser. The head bobbing while sitting in the pews is embarrassing, but it can't be helped. My body knows it must wind down from the week's adventures and gear up for new ones. My body knows it must avoid the chaos of life for a few hours in order to endure the chaos of life.

So after church I dole out the rations to the natives and tip toe upstairs. They all know where I'm going but I still feel I must be sneaky. Somehow, being sneaky makes the nap more forbidden and much more luxurious. With white noise and the cave like feeling I have created in my room, it has become optimal for afternoon slumber. Of course my offspring choose this time to get along for the first time all week. And by get along I mean, play games, run up and down the stairs, create theater, and solve boredom problems by making as much noise as possible. If Dad is around I can hear the "shhhhhhh" even through my blaring fans. He knows. He knows mama needs her naps. If mama aint rested, well you know, life sucks for everyone.

As I learned most my good mom traits from my own mother (she won't take credit for the bad ones) , the art of napping came from her too. Why were moms so tired I wondered. I did not know about the hours they kept, the tossing and turning from worry about kids, teenagers and the complete lack of energy one feels after raising kids for years upon unrewarded years. Not sure how restful her naps on the couch, in full view of the family were, but it seemed to work for her.

And little did she know, she was showing me my glorious napping future.

My mom, perfecting the art of the nap since 1967.

Rites of Passage

2013-03-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Moms go through a lot of rites of passage or in other words, we go through things that earn us the invisible gold star or the agony of defeat medal. Things like giving birth (no biggie),
nursing (sore much?), changing diapers and wiping things off your kid that would make a dung beetle shy away. And those are the FUN ones. Taking a kid to get shots or to his 3rd drivers license test or dropping them to their first party, with a big zit on their nose. Yea, that's fun. Harder for me has been letting my kids become adults and make their own stupid decisions. And yes, they make them.
It hurts like hell and you are suppose to love them anyway, when all you really want to do is kick them in the butt.

Mormon moms have another rite of passage. One that we should be prepared for. But it hurts like hell. And it's a good thing. Our little boys and girls, when they are 18 or 19 respectively, can choose to accept a calling as a full time missionary for 2 years for men, and 18 months for women. Yes, I did it, in Oklahoma. I learned a new language, Okie, and learned not eat anything that was once in a small cage. And I grew up. My hubby served in Chile. He learned Spanish and unfortunately ate everything. And he grew up. For the most part..

For my man/boy, it was not a hard decision to be a missionary. We went through the motions of doctors appts., shots, interviews, and then waited. As a mom it was an extremely vulnerable time, putting my sons next two years in the Lords hands. He could be sent ANYWHERE. We have no say. Just lots of prayers. While you are secretly hoping for him to be sent to Boise, Idaho, he is dreaming of the more exotic. Well, Atlanta, Georgia Spanish speaking is as exotic as it gets for him. The south like his mama, Spanish like his dad. We could not be more thrilled. But then it was time to say good-bye.

The feeling you get when a kid leaves home is that things will never be the same again. And are they ready to live without their mom? Who is going to remind him to shower and brush his teeth? What if he feels hungry? Will he remember to eat? Does he know to wash his sheets at least once in those two years? And if he doesn't do any of that it will be my fault right? So much mommy guilt, so little time. So along with him, I had to let it all go. He was going to be fine. Me? Not so much.

As he walked away from us, with nothing but a smile on his face, leaving his family in the ugly cry, I felt a piece of my heart walk away. I never knew a mom could feel so much pride and so much sad at the same time. And it happens to hundreds of Mormon mommies every week. There is a silent, and sometimes not so silent club of moms full of pride, hope, worry, and sadness.

My best friend for life, sent a daughter off to serve on the same day as we said good-bye to man/boy. The text I got from her said, "that sucked, meet you at the ice-cream shop." So we experienced our rite of passage together, eating ice-cream, and crying.

Remember When?

2013-03-04T19:30:00.000-08:00

Remember when I used to blog? Remember when I would say witty, funny things and expound on my not so exciting life? Yea, that was awesome. Why did the awesomeness end? There are many theories on what took the wind out of my blogging sails...

1. Almost two years ago, we moved less than a mile from where we lived. That may have quit being a legitimate excuse a few months ago.

2. We got a second dog. Lots of puddles to clean, poop to pick up and bellies to scratch. And that's just the kids.

3. My second kid left for college. 2 down, 4 to go.

4. Started needing reading glasses to, well, read. Anything with letters is now an enigma without my $.99 readers.

5. I got a gym membership and have contemplated actually going for the last year.

6. Cadbury Eggs. They take so dang long to unwrap and leave your fingers so sticky.

7. My daughter and I auditioned for the Amazing Race last August. Still waiting for Phil to call.

8. Very caught up in current events and the last election. So great to have Mitt in the White House.

9. Saw the last Breaking Dawn movie and still trying to get the CG image of Renesmee out of my head.

10. My Diet Coke addiction has lead to being the new spokesperson for Aspartame.

So, if I can let the above excuses go, I will get my blogging sails up. At least until we move again or I buy another Cadbury egg.

Linda

Disaster Relief for Japan

2011-03-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

In my efforts this year to think of someone other than myself and my own little world, I have decided to take this small step to help. Like all of you my heart is heavy when I see the devastation in Japan. Entire cities gone, thousands missing. While I feel bad that BYU lost the MWC Conference title others are feeling truly devastated. Feeling a bit helpless being so far away I decided there was one thing I could do. I am reaching out and informing my readers, fellow bloggers and friends of one way we can help.

The humanitarian arm of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which I am a member of, is well established in responding to these types of emergencies, within 24 hours of the disaster. So if I can't be there, I know that by donating to LDS Charities, my money is going exactly where it is needed.
Besides disaster relief, they support many worldwide, year round projects. I have included a short inspirational video about one of these programs.

I am simply going to attach a link that you can click on to make a donation. It is a quick, safe and confidential way to help. Donating on the LDS Charities website is not a commitment to the church nor will you have boys in white shirts and ties knocking on your door anytime soon (unless you want them too!)

LDS Charities

Thank you for indulging me in my effort to be a human.

Linda

Just Craptastic

2011-03-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

Pardon my French but that is how I am feeling. February was kind of a bust. Besides coming home from a fabulous trip at the beginning of the month, I am going to write February off as a month I don't need to ever do again. Especially the last week.

Craptastic Week Part 1
The teenagers car went A.W.O.L. As in just not there. As in gone, baby, gone. It was a perfectly nice Presidents Day. Kids were home from school whining that they were bored. I was trying to do laundry when I decided to ease all of our suffering and get pizza. When I came back to the house I noticed the man/boy's car was gone. Hmmm. Where did he go without telling me? But there he was in the house. Without thinking much was wrong I asked him where his car was. Did he park somewhere different? He went outside and came back in. Are you joking he asked? Had I moved the car? We both went outside and stood in the spot where the car should be. It. Was. Gone.

One hour and one cop visit later the reality settled in that our car had been stolen right from in front of our house. And we did not have the insurance to cover it. We were out one vehicle to drive to early morning seminary, high school, work, dates and activities. Just. Great.

Craptastic Week Part 2
My completely awesome husband took over the extra driving duties and my body settled in with a nice, powerful, COLD! Coughing, achy, fever, yuck. It hit hard and I was out of commission. I was the kind of miserable that doesn't remember what it's like to feel good. My doctor/hubby finally decided it was the flu and brought home the good drugs. I love good drugs. It was Friday night, I was starting to feel just a little normal when I sent my Scouts off to the mountains to camp in the snow for the night. Unfortunately my body was not done betraying me.

Craptastic Week Part 3
My right side had been aching a bit that week but I chalked it up to the aches and pains of being sick and maybe a pulled muscle from coughing up a lung all week. But by Saturday morning around 6am I knew it was more than that. It hurt to walk, talk, sit and lay down. Since my doctor was playing Mountain Man, I texted his partner who analyzed my symptoms and told me to get a CAT scan. Man/boy was still asleep, hubby gone. I did not want to go alone. So I called the next best thing. DAAAADDDY! Two hours, one gross drink and one CAT scan later, it was decided I had an appendicitis. Nice.

I had been texting my husband but knew he would not be coming down the mountain until 2 or 3 pm. I was freaking out just a bit. My dad took me to the ER, I checked in. They asked if I had a living will. Really? Does that instill confidence in your facility? I changed into my lovely open back ball gown and waited.

Then, miracle of miracles, my husband calls. They were coming home early because of cold and snow (huh? I thought that was the point of the trip but I was not complaining). He was a bit amazed at my current situation. He showed up just in time, looking a smelling a bit like Grizzly Adams, but I did not care.

(I really would have liked the paisley)

So one pokey IV, cold OR, warm blanket, and anesthetist later, I was minus one pesky appendix. Let the morphine drip begin. In my drowsy state I was trying to think of the upside things. I asked my husband how much an appendix weighs. Unfortunately it is a very small organ. Little did I know the benefits would come from having no appetite afterward for over a week and being too sore and tired to move. 6lbs down. I call it the Craptastic Diet.

Craptastic Epilogue
My son's car was found a few days ago in the parking lot of a grocery store near our house. The stereo was gone but his David Archuleta CD and scriptures were still there. There is no accounting for taste.

Having my appendix out did not cure my cold overnight. I still had a cough. Trying not to cough after surgery was a whole new dimension of willpower and pain.

My fantastic family and friends have been taking good care of me. Enough food was brought over to feed a small army. Which is good because I have one. My mom came over daily and did dishes and laundry. DAAADDDY did a lot of the driving. My TIVO did the entertaining and my hubby provided the hand holding and really good drugs. I love good drugs.

Queen of Hearts

2011-02-14T10:25:00.000-08:00

So much for blogging more in 2011. Oh well, you all will just appreciate me more when I do write. Right?

It has already been a busy hearts day around here. I tend to sleep very restlessly when I know I have a lot to do in the morning. So when at 10pm last night my son informed me of the 2 dozen rice crispy treats he had to have at school today, I knew my sleep would be short. I arose 45 min. early, put on my Valentine shirt to make a run to the store, when I caught my cupid downstairs, just coming in from HIS early morning run to the store for flowers and chocolates. Oh, so sweet. Though the grocery store brand are not my favorite, I never met a man carrying chocolates that I did not like. And they will get eaten. Every last one.

After kisses I went on my errand in my purple velor jogging suit, when I saw a very familiar profile leaving the store. It was my dad, carrying what looked to be flowers and chocolates. Hopefully for my mom. After yelling across the parking lot towards what I hoped was his good ear, he heard me. So I got another hug and kiss from a man carrying valentines. Is this what I'm missing in the early mornings?

I came home with my marshmallows and cereal for treats when I noticed the teenagers car still home. Hmmmm. It should have been gone, at least an hour ago. I went upstairs and woke two sleeping high schoolers who had 15 min to make it to their first class. Let's just say it did not happen.

As I made Rice Crispy treats and five lunches, the kids discovered their Valentines on the table.

The 15 yr old observed that there was only candy and they usually got stuffed animals too.
Thanks for noticing. You're welcome. She got a little extra spit in her sandwich.

Treats were individually bagged and kids and valentines delivered to school.

Back at home my Valentines Day Laundry awaits as well as another trip or two to the store for the 3rd grade Valentines party.

I wish I had time to sit and eat my chocolates but there is no rest for the Queen of Hearts.

Linda

BIG Plans

2011-01-18T10:44:00.000-08:00

I have BIG plans this year. I love having plans, making plans, anticipating them. It is much more fun than actually following through on them. I have entrapped my husband in a few of my wanna-be-plans in hopes he would help with the follow through aspects of my plan making. And I did it in the form of a gift giving.

For Christmas he got two of my plans wrapped with a bow.

1. Ballroom Dance lessons. I have always wanted to dance with my husband. Not just our form of bad 80's dancing. Ever since I took ballroom dance in college and read the the teachers notes "nice hip action" on my Cha Cha, I have wanted to really learn to dance with my hubby. And I want to wear an outfit like on Dancing with the Stars.

2. Boot Camp. No, I did not enlist us in the army. Though some days I would like to . Boot Camp is an extreme form of exercise classes, early in the morning. "Exercise" and "early" are both four letter words to me. BUT I thought if I had a partner like my it would ~~less painful~~ FUN! My husband still has yet to redeem this gift. I know he is speechless with excitement.

And just for myself this year...

3. Bikram Yoga. You know, hot yoga. Not hot as you, "you look hot in those yoga pants" but hot as in 110 degree room to stretch your body into positions it should not be in. Yes, in Las Vegas in the summer time it could be done outside but it is in a small room of sweaty folks. I am guessing they are all sweaty. I have not actually been yet. I wear yoga pants everyday but they have never seen a day of yoga. I have heard there is vomiting in this class so I am really looking forward to it.

I really hope this guy is in my class!

So I will let you all know in a month or so how my BIG plans are going...or not going!

Linda

Today is My Yesterday

2011-01-04T09:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it was supposed to be quiet. I was supposed to pack lunches and take 3 noisy boys to school. I was supposed to be alone for the the first time in two weeks. Yesterday, school was supposed to start. I was supposed to take down Christmas while sipping hot chocolate. I was supposed to eat ice-cream out of the container without anyone knowing. Yesterday I was not supposed to break up any fights over who was giving who the stink eye. I was supposed to run errands without anyone asking me where I was going or when will I be back. Yesterday I was supposed to have the computer to myself without waiting for someone to finish a game. The house was supposed to get cleaned and stay that way. I was supposed to be able to sit down and watch "Mommy" shows without disturbance.

Yesterday it was not supposed to snow. My kids were not supposed to be home putting snowballs in the freezer. School was not supposed to be cancelled. Moms were supposed to handle their "baby desert rat" selves and not get skittish over one inch of snow.

But, it is now today and my yesterday can begin.

Linda

My REAL Top 10

2010-12-30T12:16:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's me blogging. Don't die of shock. Lost a bit of my blogging mojo but I feeling it coming back on with a vengeance. You lucky, lucky readers. In the new year I will be back to my witty, sarcastic self on a weekly basis. You are welcome.

To end this year, you my faithful with be let in a a few secrets. A lot of folks this week will be sharing their "Top 10 of 2010" whether it be life changing events, or top ten posts. For our family newsletter this year, we each shared our "Top Five". I listed normal boring things like celebrating my 20th anniversary, going to Hawaii, blah, blah, blah. But here it is. The real "Top Ten of 2010". Things that made me happy, sad and somewhat perplexed.

1. Gaining 20 lbs this year but only going up ONE pant size!
2. Growing my hair out for a couple of years and then whacking it off for no apparent reason.
3. Actually being diagnosed with carpal tunnel in both hands, thus having proof of my dedication to blogging and my iPhone.
4. Finding Sees Candy under my bed that was supposed to go in Christmas stockings and eating it all myself.
5. Finishing 3 seasons of Veronica Mars on Netflix because I am 12.
6.Also watched all 7 seasons of the Gilmore Girls for the 5th time.
7. Have our house on the market for over a year, pack, rent storage unit, pretend we were moving, take house off market, not move, unload storage unit, have garage full of boxes.
8. Pay for gym membership and be more out of shape at end of year than ever before.
9. Have my eye sight deteriorate at an alarming rate thus causing the need for a dozen pair of reading glasses placed strategically around the house and never be able to find a pair when I need them.
10. Helped new friends from Nigeria get their uncle out on bail for trumped up charges. Still waiting to get paid back.

Here is to you and yours for a happy new year and for making it real in 2011!

Linda

Drivers Ed

2010-11-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

Knuckles white and holding on tight. Seat belt securely fastened. Airbags on. Imaginary brake under my right foot. A white flag ready to wave at a moments notice. I have my ecclesiastical leader on speed dial and I sit wishing I was a crash test dummy that could not see or feel pain. I am as ready as I'll ever be for my teenager to take the wheel. Yes, Carrie Underwood, I too wish it was Jesus.

In the state of Nevada, at the age of 151/2, a teen can take a 50 question test to receive their learners permit. They can miss up to 10 questions. Even if one of the questions missed was "what does a red light mean?", they still get their permit. That's it. They can then drive a 2 ton vehicle WITH NO DRIVING EXPERIENCE. AT. ALL. They return to the DMV 6 months later with a mandatory 50 hours of driving under their belt to get their license. What? Who is supposed to teach them? Unless you want to pay a driving school to be in the car with them 24/7, it is all on the shoulders of the parents.

In our house we are on our 3rd teenage driver. You would think I would be used to it by now. It would be like getting used to Stevie Wonder as your chauffeur. Yes, we have survived our teen drivers without major incident. If you call a speeding ticket, for doing 90 on the freeway while also following too close, a minor infraction.

When the car keys come out, 15 1/2 year old Sassy is worse than the dog when he sees his leash.

Can I drive?

Ummmmm. No.

It's raining.

It's too sunny.

There are ducks in the road.

It's too dark.

I am in a hurry. (I am allowed to speed, she is not)

So we have about 2 hours down and 48 to go and I am running out of excuses. I use the word "we" liberally. The father figure has no problem sitting in the passenger seat, reading the newspaper while the teenager takes to the road. So he is the yin to the drivers yang. He plays good cop and I am cop screaming and stressed out . The bad news is we have 3 more drivers to go, the good news is, by the time our last one is 16, I will be too old and desensitized to care.

Linda

Sistas'

2010-11-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

I have brothers. Three to be exact. All older. So yes, I am the baby and the only girl. This role came with its perks (still does!) and its drawbacks. Teased a lot? Yes. Had my own room? Yes. Now that we are all parents and some are grandparents, our relationships have matured. I adore my big bros but that does not mean I did not ever long for a sister. I used to ask my mom for a baby sister every year for Christmas. Instead I got dolls and barbies, which would explain my love of them to this day. But I knew early on that I needed that connection to other girls. So instead of sisters, I was blessed with friends. Not only did I make them, I kept them.

This is one of my favorite pictures of all time. It is my fourth birthday party. We are all in dresses, I have a barbie cake, killer pigtails and best friends. Forty years later these girls are still my friends. We may go for periods of time without talking but when we get together it is an ease and comfort that can't be describe. It's a sisterhood.

Between us we have 32 kids!! (Multiply and replenish? Check!)

We recently did have a few days together and we all spoke of how blessed we are to have each other for so long. We laughed, ate, reminisced, ate, etc... By the end of the weekend it was the Sisterhood of the Traveling Fat Pants! We felt filled and loved and did not want it to end. Luckily for me, it does not end.

Besides having lifelong girlfriends, I have gained sisters. I married a man that has five of them. The dynamics of a large family and especially of sisters were very foreign to me 20 years ago and it has been a learning curve. But as distances grew shorter and time progressed, these ladies became my sisters and best friends. We are LOUD together. love to laugh together and live for the girls trips.

My own family grew in girl power over the years. With two daughters of my own, sister-in-laws that keep my brothers in check, gorgeous nieces I love as my own and great-nieces I adore, I am finally surround by girls. But I still have my curio of barbies and dolls to remind me how lucky I am to have sisters.

Linda

Overheard at My House

2010-10-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

Having kids ages 6 to 17 living in my house, you can guess the things heard and said within these walls are varied. When I'm smart, I jot down a few of them...

I was recopying a list of items I needed and making a grocery list.
Sassy (age 15)- Why are you writing those down again?
Me- I write them in the order I find them in at the grocery store. I know where everything is in the store and this makes it easier to shop.
Sassy-That's sad.
Me- No it's smart. This is the way my mom did it and now so do I.
Sassy-No, it's not the list that's sad, it's that you know where everything is.
(Yes. Yes it is.)

******************

6 yr old JerBear and 8 yr old Coltito were looking at my toes I thought they were admiring my pedicure.
JerBear to his brother- Dude, look at this toe. It's sooooo long!
(Is this what they were seeing?)

*****************

17 yr. old Man/Boy was wondering why we show so much concern for breast cancer awareness.
Man/Boy- Why don't we have testicular cancer awareness?
Me- What color would represent it? Blue?
Man/Boy- Yes. And the symbol could be the same for breast cancer, except upside down.
Me-(laughed out loud)

Ladies and gentlemen, the Testicular Cancer Awareness Ribbon. You're welcome.

Linda

Apparently I've been busy...

2010-10-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

I erroneously thought that after I sent my last kid off to school full time this fall my life would be my own. I would become master of the blogging universe and think deep thoughts and share them with you all. Well my thoughts are not any deeper and my time alone goes way too fast. As all of my faithful readers may have noticed, I have not been prolific at all. I can't seem to write, read or comment. So what have I been doing with my time? I am glad you asked...

...celebrating my babies 6th birthday by adding a new critter to our house and making monster cupcakes.

Yes I am crazy but that smile is worth it.

...looking after, worrying about and cleaning up after the Duck family that lives on our block.

...being campaign strategist for my 8th graders presidential attempt.

(we lost the vote but it builds character, right?)

...going on a go-cart date with my hubby because I look awesome in a helmet.

He lapped me three times. Slow and steady does not win a go-cart race.

...collecting Madame Alexander Happy Meal Dolls from my own personal

McDonalds customer service representative.

...getting stopped by more than one stranger telling me they love my purse. And feeling just a bit snobbish when I say "thank you. I got in NYC."

...getting all my hairs cut. It now takes 5 mins to blow dry instead of 20. Growing it out and cutting it off is a hobby of mine. (I am horrible at the self-portrait).

You may add to that list... doing laundry, carpooling, field trips, cub scouts, cooking and cleaning. You know, the usual.

Linda

10 Things I learned in NYC

2010-09-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

I had the amazing opportunity to spend a few days in NYC with my daughter last week. It was a surreal experience and the Big Apple did not disappoint. Here are a few things I learned...

1. Taxi drivers love their horns, their gas pedals and brakes. Staying in their own lane, not so much.

2. The streets are just as busy, fast moving, loud and sometimes stinky, as they look on TV.

3. Everyone we met, that lives there was soooooo nice. For some reason it surprised me.

4. Broadway is not overrated. The shows we saw were better than we ever imagined.

5. The subway was not as scary and as hard to figure out as I thought. They were as stinky though.

6. Kareem Abdul Jabbar is taller in person.

7. People really do win contests. There were 32 of the nicest kids there that proved that.

8. Not everyone gets mugged in Central Park. It is so beautiful and picturesque.

9. Hardly anyone dresses like the girls from Sex and the City.

10. I love being with my daughter and hanging out. This is something I already knew. It was just reconfirmed!

Linda

It's Up to You New York, New York

2010-09-19T01:03:00.000-07:00

While at college, pursuing a higher education, she was watching MTV. I don't allow that channel in my house, but my daughter is 19 now and on her own and making her own crap reality show choices. An ad come on saying "text this number now for a chance to win a trip to NYC." Yea right. Without her mom's pessimistic voice in her ear, she did it and then forgot about it.

One month later she received a phone call saying she won a trip for two to NYC and the chance to win up to $100,000 in a texting competition. Yea right. She called me excited but we were both skeptical. This is something that only happens on Oprah but not to us. Low and behold two weeks later she gets a fat envelope with details and a contract. What the what? And because I have not cut the umbilical chord completely, she asked me to go with her on this trip. Ummmmmm YES!

So crazy as it is, while we were spending money on tuition and bigger dreams for our first born, she wins a trip to NYC to be in a texting competition. And as you read this we are on a plane to the city that never sleeps. I have typed up four pages of instructions and schedules for the household while and I gone. It only takes a small village to replace me for a few days.

To come out with the prize money would be nice but the sooner she is eliminated from the texting fray, the more time we will have to pursue tourist and shopping goals. We could actually sit and watch Broadway shows for 4 days and be in our own little heaven.

What strange circumstances and an amazing opportunity to be with my girl who has lived out of the house of the past year. And to share NYC together is going to be a thrill. I hope. I am praying we don't get mugged or lost. Or both. Or become the subject of the next Law and Order: SVU. I am calling this our "Text and the City Tour."

If she makes it to the final 8, you can watch it live at 1pm EST on this Tuesday, Sept. 21 at Livestream.com. We may be there or we may be at the top of the Empire State Building by then.

Wish us luck.

Linda

Redeeming Myself

2010-09-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

Just in time to redeem myself from my last post, I am honored to be a guest writer for Jocelyn at We Talk of Christ, We Rejoice in Christ. Yes I know, I was surprised too. She is an amazing young mom, who being much more mature than me, writes about families, service and faith. This month she is celebrating Family: A Proclamation to the World, a document written for and about families in 1995. Every day she is featuring a different guest writer and her/his perspective on this amazing proclamation. I am thrilled to be a part of it. Please go show some love.

Linda

Bedometer

2010-09-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

I once extolled to you my love of my iPhone. My phone and I have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years. We have had our ups and downs but have remained faithful to each other. My husband, who gave me the phone quickly started calling it my lover because it never left my hands. Even in bed. Since then he has gotten his own iPhone so the jealousy has lessened. Well I found a way to combine the love of my of phone, my bed and my husband all in one. This handy little application called the Bedometerr, will count the number of calories that are burned during sex. Finally!!

As you see, it does not discriminate against the single person with it's one player mode. It's really the best of all worlds. We can use BOTH of our phones for a more accurate report of the calories burned in our "sexy gym." You can even share your results on Facebook to compare your work outs with your friends. All this for only $.99. What will they think of next?

Linda

Into the Wild

2010-09-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

I am not accustomed to giving travelogues on my blog but I had such a fantastic labor day weekend that I had to share. With one chick that has already flown the coup, every time I can get my whole family together is a joy. The older they get the harder it will be to have these weekends. Pulling my husband out of work mode is not always easy either. But we did it. We stole away to the mountains. To 72 degree weather and even cooler nights.

The kids could just hang around

The teenagers could drive themselves crazy

We could share our burning love for one another

Man/Boy celebrated his 17th birthday with a swan dive

And I now have PROOF that the hubby can make friends ANYWHERE!

The most interesting, strange, morbid, creepy aspect of the weekend was within the very walls of the cabin we rented. The owner, who we do not know, apparently loves to hunt and has a very close relationship with his taxidermist.

Mr. Fox watched over us while we ate.

There was Bambi...

...and his extended family.

Mr. Armadillo kept guard at the window

The Turkey Triplets were indeed stuffed, but not for Thanksgiving.

The best was saved for the master bedroom of course...

Meet Muskrat Suzy with hoofed arrow shoved through her throat.

(I guess it was in supposed to inspire "Muskrat Love")

And we had our bedside reading light to comfort us.

Despite the house of horrors, it was a perfect weekend because...

...I had all my ducks in a row. (with one very unhappy duck on the end)

Linda

The H Word

2010-08-31T11:12:00.000-07:00

You all know of my enthusiasm for school to start, and it finally happened yesterday. The kindergartner, JareBear was so excited that when we pulled up to his school he exclaimed, "I'm freaking out." We'll see how long that lasts. I now have kids in college, high school, middle school and elementary. Yes we spread our kids out just enough to have the school experience as long as possible. As much as I looked forward to my new freedom at the end of a long summer, I forgot about the price I pay for that freedom. The cost of my quiet time is the H word, otherwise known as homework.

Having five kids in the house with homework ranging from trigonometry to counting how many apples in a set, makes for some strategic planning. There can be no distractions. Even a burp or well, you know, other noises, can set off a trigger reaction. They all have to be far enough away from each other that one's eyeballs can't make contact with another. They can't be in a room with a TV or a computer because they have a magnetic pull that can't be resisted. Cell phones must also be unglued from fingers and taken out of arms reach. (How else am I going to read their texts without them knowing)?

For some reason, another requirement of getting homework done is I have to turn into Momzilla. There must be constant monitoring, evil stares, threats of starvation and a life on the streets. Because we all know who will get blamed if homework does not get done and it's not the kid. I did not feel this much pressure to get homework done when the homework was actually mine! (That might explain a few things but that is a whole other blog).

Now, I am not one of those parents who requires straight A's, nor am I drilling math facts into their brains in their sleep. Nor do I "do" their homework for them. Just getting their assigned work done on a daily basis is my entire goal. With my high schoolers this goal can take until midnight and that is when Momzilla is worn down and the trust factor comes in. I hate the trust factor. It works for some teenagers and not others. But in the end we have to let go, which is the hardest part of being a parent. We have to let go and live with and love the adult that is being produced under our wings.

In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy my peace in the mornings. I will hug an kiss my children when they come home from school. I will feed them a ~~healthy~~ snack. Then I will quietly put on my Momzilla mask and crack the whip.

Notarized

2010-08-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

Recently my college cutie and I both had to get something notarized. (The reason why, I will share in a later blog). In my 43 years I think there was one other time I had to do this. The idea seems very antiquated. I was surprised to find that UPS stores have notaries so I told my daughter, who lives in another city, to go to her local UPS store too.

I did not know what to expect. I pictured an old guy in a back room at an old metal desk with a big round embossing thing. But there were just UPS folks in their blue polos and khakis. (I guess the brown uniforms are reserved for the hot delivery boys). The blue-polo lady asked me to go over to a counter in the middle of the store. I met her there with my very important papers. She had a log book that she put down info. in and looked at my drivers license. Sitting next to her log book, was a stamp. There was no round embossing thing.

So after I signed my very important paper and before she signed and stamped her very important paper, she asked me to raise my right hand.

Huh? In the middle of the store? Not wanting to be un-notarized, I did it.

She proceeded with something about solemnly swearing that everything I said, did, wrote and thought, was the truth and nothing but. So help me God.

Really? In the middle of the store? Who died and made her judge? She did not flinch or smile. She was serious.

So with my right hand still in the air, I said yes. Thinking I was under oath, I then testified that Colonel Mustard did it in the library with the knife. Or maybe that was just in my head.

I then got to pay $5.00 for the privilege.

I left the store thinking the whole thing a bit odd but supposed that was how it was done.

I then talked to my hubby who snickered at me. He said he's had things notarized a lot for his business and never had to raise his hand and swear anything. Well, maybe that is just because he is a cute and charming.

But then I talked to my daughter who went to her own UPS store. She snickered too. Well, more like laughed out loud. No, she did not swear to anything either.

What? Why me? Did I find the only notary on a power trip? Was there a hidden camera and they were watching video, on their lunch breaks, of the poor slobs that raised their right hand in the middle of the store?

I think it was racial profiling.

Everyone knows that Caucasian, middle aged moms, are always the first to get the shaft.

Linda

Does your McDonalds have an open bar?

2010-08-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

I have tried to keep my connections on the down low. I don't want anyone to think I am not just a normal down to earth mom. But I guess it's time to spill the beans and then you can decide if you're still worthy of my presence. I have connections at McDonalds. My BIL might own a few of them. I may have access to Happy Meal Toys. Yea I know, it's a pretty cool perk. Well, the BIL had an open house for his new restaurant last night and we got to see it pre-grease and nugget-hungry people.

The store was so beautiful and un-hamburger like. My SIL, who has luxurious taste, decorated every square inch. There were purples, greens and black and white accents. And a chandelier. Yea it would make me think twice about dripping my ketchup on the floor. It is so pretty it could totally count for a cheap date night.

And what do they serve at a McDonalds open house? NOT french fries and ranch dip. It was catered by Wolfgang Puck's restaurant. There were froo-froo appetizers and an open bar, in a McDonalds. Though we do not drink, the hubs and I tried to feel as fancy as the atmosphere as we drank our cranberry juice. When I recognized something that looked like pizza I snagged that too.

As we were taking a tour of the stainless steel kitchen, the WP chef was also there. He had on his chef smock and was having an intense conversation, in his European accent, with the store manager. She was showing him the ins and outs of the kitchen and how everything worked. He was fascinated. I was fascinated watching him be fascinated by how fast food works. At one point he was holding a frozen beef patty.

So the next time you go in a Wolfgang Puck restaurant, and they offer to supersize your meal, you'll know why.

**********************************************

Last week, to celebrate my 100th post I held my first giveaway.

We have a winner for the CSN Stores $50 gift certificate...

Drum roll please.....

Sandy aka Doris the Great

She is an adorable blogger and gardener from the Great White North.

Congrats!

Linda

School, Shmool

2010-08-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

Yea, quit bragging. I know a lot of you have already sent your kids back to school. My kids have two more weeks. Go ahead and feel sorry for me. I cannot wait for school to start. I am not one of those moms that will cry as I drop them off. Though I love the lazy days of summer (a.k.a. sleeping-in), they are usually accompanied by a lot of fighting, whining and "what are we going to do today?" I so desperately want to say "YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY." So with that being said, for my monthly stint on BlissfullyDomestic.com, I shared my strategy, or lack of it, for Back to School Basics. Please head over there and share some comment love.

ALSO don't forget to enter my 1st Giveaway to celebrate my 100th post!

Linda

My First Giveaway!!!!!

2010-08-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

It is time to celebrate! I am celebrating my 100th post as a blogger. I wanted this post to be my 100th but it is actually my 101st. Whatever. I started blogging in 2008. I think I wrote four posts that year and four in 2009. So at least 90 of my posts have been written this year. It was the 43 years of pent up angst and rants that could no longer wait to get out! My family now wears t-shirts that say "blog fodder" because they know their place. I started blogging becasue I love writing but had no idea of the world I was entering. The friends I have made have been a priceless bonus. So this giveaway is for my bloggy friends and loyal readers and commenters.

There is nothing I like more than shopping online. Being able to spend money while still in my underwear is a gift of living in the internet age. Since having 8 people live in my house makes it sometimes smelly and not pretty, I like add pretty things like quilts, pillows and someday, these awesome upholstered headboards!

Let's face it folks, a soft headboard is easier on the love life (sorry Dad, but it's true). But these are only a fraction of the things CSN Stores has in its over 200 stores. So for my lovelies we are giving away a

$50 gift certificate that can be used at any CSN store.

I am going to make this easy-peasy-lemon-squeasy. All you have to do is leave a comment. That's it. Of course those comments that say great things about me may get extra consideration. And if you wanted to join my Facebook group you can. And if you became a faithful reader and follower of my blog, that would be super. And if you wanted to twitter about it I would love you forever. But all you have to do is leave a comment because I am easy like that. Just ask my husband.

*this giveaway is only open to residents of the US and Canada.

*this contest will be open until August 15, 2010, midnight, Pacific Coast Time. A winner will announced on Monday August 16. Good Luck.

Linda

Master of My Domain

2010-08-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

Back when the Seinfeld gang had The Contest and became "masters of their domain" I would have never have imagined that I too would be master of my domain. My web domain that is. I bought my own little piece of the web-o-sphere today. I am now a dot com. I have been watching, learning and listening to the smart women around me like Dee Dee at What Ever Dee Dee Wants and her great how to blog post about custom domains. And voila! I am the domain master of www.seemomsmile.com.

So now that THAT is mastered, what's next? Here are some other things I would like to master...

...the art of putting the toilet seat protective cover on and actually sitting on it before it falls in.
...the art of reading a book in less than a month. So much to read, such a slow reader.
...the art of texting or typing emoticons without looking at the screen. Where is that darn parentheses anyway?
...being a dog whisperer. Right now I am just the dog yeller.
...the art of cooking. Well, not really but I think I supposed to say that because I am a mom.
...parking my SUV in a parking space, straight. Yea that's me, the crooked one.
...being able to have a pedicure without letting it tickle. And then giggling.
...not being bitter that there is not yet a Real Housewives of Las Vegas.

What would YOU like to master?

Linda