SEE WHAT I SAW

Aaron Alexis, 34, is dead gunman in Navy Yard shooting, authorities say

2013-09-16T21:38:00.002-07:00

Images released by the FBI show photos of Aaron Alexis, who police believe was a gunman at the Washington Navy Yard shooting. Photograph: AP

The man responsible for Monday's deadly rampage at the Washington navy yard was a subcontractor and former reservist who was arrested at least twice in the past for gun-related offences.

Aaron Alexis, 34, was discharged from the navy in 2011 after an incident in which an upstairs neighbour complained that he had shot into the floor of her apartment.

But Alexis restored his connections with the navy when a professional services company subcontracted by Hewlett-Packard employed him on a navy IT project. His ID badge gained him access to the navy yard base on Monday, the FBI said.

According to the US navy, Alexis, whose home was listed as New York City, enrolled in the reserves in 2007. He was a navy aviation electrician's mate third class from 1 February 2008 until he was discharged on 31 January 2011. He is listed as having received the national defense service medal and the global war on terrorism service medal.

In 2010, while he was based at Fort Worth in Texas, he was arrested after discharging a firearm. In 2004, police in Seattle questioned him after what they described as an "anger-fuelled shooting" involving the car of a construction worker.

Seattle police said on Monday that during their inquiries into the 2004 incident, Alexis's father reported that he suffered from "anger management problems associated with PTSD, and that Alexis had been an active participant in rescue attempts on September 11, 2001".

The statement went on: "Following his arrest, Alexis told detectives he perceived he had been 'mocked' by construction workers the morning of the incident, and said they had 'disrespected him'. Alexis also claimed he had an anger-fueled 'blackout' and could not remember firing his gun at the victims' vehicle until an hour after the incident.

"Alexis also told police he was present during 'the tragic events of September 11, 2001' and described 'how those events had disturbed him'," the police statement said.

According to a Texas police report, Alexis was arrested in September 2010 on suspicion of discharging a firearm in a municipality, but not formally charged.

The police report from the time states that an officer was dispatched to Orion at Oak Hill, a large, gated apartment complex in west Fort Worth, after a woman called the police and said that she believed someone had fired a shot into her apartment.

According to the report, the woman was "visibly shaken up". She said that Alexis was her downstairs neighbour, and that he had "called the police several times on her for being loud". The woman reported that Alexis had confronted her in the parking lot about making too much noise.

The report adds that the woman told the officer that she was "terrified" of Alexis and believed that the shot had been fired intentionally. The report states that the officer knocked on Alexis's door but did not receive a response. He only emerged after the officer called the fire department to get them to forcibly enter the property.

Alexis claimed to have discharged the gun accidentally, the report says. "He said that he was trying to clean his gun while cooking and that his hands were slippery," the witer of the report says. "He told me that he began to take the gun apart when his hands slipped and pulled the trigger discharging a round into the ceiling."

In both instances, Alexis was not charged. Court records reviewed by the Associated Press how he was released on the condition he not have contact with any of the workers. In Texas, it was determinded that Alexis had discharged his gun by accident.

After leaving the reserves, Alexis worked as a waiter and delivery driver at the Happy Bowl Thai restaurant in White Settlement, a suburb of Fort Worth, according to Afton Bradley, a former co-worker, quoted by the Associated Press.

Having travelled to Thailand, Alexis learned some Thai and could speak to Thai customers in their native language. "He was a very nice person," Bradley said in a phone interview. "It kind of blows my mind away. I wouldn't think anything bad at all."

A former acquaintance, Oui Suthametewakul, said Alexis lived with him and his wife from August 2012 to May 2013 in Fort Worth, but that they had to part ways because he was not paying his bills. Alexis was a "nice guy," Suthametewakul said, though he sometimes carried a gun and would frequently complain about being the victim of discrimination.

Suthametewakul said Alexis had converted to Buddhism and prayed at a local Buddhist temple. Ty Thairintr, a congregant at Wat Budsaya, a temple in Fort Worth, told the AP: "We are all shocked. We are nonviolent. Aaron was a very good practitioner of Buddhism. He could chant better than even some of the Thai congregants."

Thairintr said that Alexis told him and others at the temple that he had taken a job as a contractor and he indicated to them he was going to go to Virginia. He last saw Alexis five weeks ago. "He was a very devoted Buddhist. There was no tell-tale sign of this behaviour," Thairintr said.

Hewlett-Packard confirmed that Alexis worked for a subcontractor. It said in a statement: "Aaron Alexis was an employee of a company called 'The Experts,' a subcontractor to an HP Enterprise Services contract to refresh equipment used on the navy marine corps intranet (NMCI) network. HP is cooperating fully with law enforcement as requested."

It said the company was "deeply saddened" by the incident. "Our thoughts and sympathies are with all those who have been affected," the company said.

On its website, The Experts, whose headquarters are in Alexandria, Virginia, describes itself as providing "innovative and mission-critical IT, engineering and litigation professional services for federal, state and local governments and departments".

It said in a statement: "The Experts would like to express our deepest condolences and sympathies regarding the incident that occurred at the DC naval yards. We are actively cooperating with the FBI and other authorities in relation to the investigation on the suspect. Any additional information we have will be shared accordingly."

On Monday night, officers from the New York Police Department cordoned off a section of the tree-lined street in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighbourhood of Brooklyn, where family of Alexis lives in a brownstone apartment.

A huddle of NYPD officers stood in the road outside the three-storey building, watched by a small crowd of reporters and TV crews. Earlier in the day, Anthony Little, the brother-in-law of the uspect, emerged from the house and told NBC4 the family were "distraught". He said: "It's a shocking experience. Nobody expected this. No-one saw it coming. No-one knew anything. So all of this is just shocking."

Little, who is married to Alexis's sister, said he had never met him.

Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, which offers online courses in aviation and aerospace, confirmed that Alexis was enrolled as an online student via its Fort Worth campus, started classes in July 2012 and had been pursuing a bachelor's of science in aeronautics. "We are cooperating fully with investigating officials," the university said.

The Associated Press contributed to this report

ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL IMAGES

2013-08-19T22:04:00.002-07:00

ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL IMAGES

The 1st image referenced in the Vatican pedophilia.
The 2nd image the child sexual abuse in tourism in Thailand.
The 3rd refers to the war in Syria.
The 4th image refers to trafficking in organs on the black market, where most of the victims are children of poor countries.
The 5th refers to free U.S. weapons.
The 6th image refers to obesity, blaming the big fast food companies.

CLEVER STATUS FACEBOOK STATUS

2013-07-30T06:52:00.001-07:00

CLEVER STATUS :

1) If nothing lasts forever, I was wondering if you might wanna be my nothing?

2) IMMATURE: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

3) I’m jealous of my parents. I will never have a son so cute as they have.

4) Never trust a person with one and only Facebook picture.

5) Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

6) If all men are the same, why do women take so long to choose one?

7) If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

There is something wrong with my phone. Any GIRL call it for me to see if it rings?

9) I’m not actually this tall. I am sitting on my wallet.

10) History is made by those who BREAK THE RULES.

This is how a Professor explained Marketing Concepts to a class

2013-07-30T06:45:00.001-07:00

1. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
- That's Direct Marketing.

2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a Gorgeous Girl. One of your friends goes upto her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich.Marry him!"
- That's Advertising.

3. You are at a party and see a Gorgeous Girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can I marry you?"
- That's Brand Recognition.

4. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
- That's Customer Feedback.

5. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
- That's Demand and Supply Gap.

6. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and before you say: "I m rich, Marry me!", your wife arrives.
- That's Restriction for Entering New Markets.

I hope Concepts are clear...

Class is adjourned.

super comment on CSK...........chennai super kings batting line up.

2013-04-24T11:33:00.001-07:00

When Vijay fails, Hussey stands
When Hussey fails, Raina stands
When the top order fails, Badri saves
When Badri fails, the captain MSD comes to the party
When MSD struggles, SIR Jadeja comes up
When everyone fails, Bravo & Morkel finish thejob...
It doesn't stop there.. Morris & Ashwin can bat too.. This batting line up never finishes..
Its true that we neither have an orange cap, nor a purple cap but we have 11 YELLOW CAPS that dominates on every other cap..
#whistle podu machi

Girls facebook status vs Boys facebook status

2013-04-19T05:29:00.000-07:00

Girl's status in fb:
"He left me. Im going to
suicide"
comments:
1) darling please don't do
that:'(
2) what are you saying ?
Wait i'm calling you.
3) who that bloody. We have
many other guysin this world.
Don't die for this single guy.
4) do you think i'm gonna
livewithout you? Suicide is nt
the solution pretty.
Boy's status in fb:
"She left me. Im going to
suicide"
comments:
1) 1st atha sei da........!!!!! !!!!
2) Thooku matikarathuku
munnadi poison konjam kudi,
oru vela ne escape aaga
chanceirukku :p
3) Thu oru ponna handle
pannatheriala, sari antha
figure number kuduthutu po
naan paathukuren ;) :D
4) Dei unnoda FB password
sollitu saavu da :/
and the ultimate one is (u wil
luv this)
.
.
.
.
.
.
6) Enakku thara vendia 1000 Rs
kuduthutu poi saavu

sir ravindra jadeja

2013-04-19T05:26:00.001-07:00

Jadeja has come from a middle class family with a meagre income. His father was a watchman of a shopping complex and he wanted his son to join the army. Jadeja was a pampered child ...his mom was his soul. She worked in a hospital and She would save money from her little income to buy the expensive kit for Revdee (thats what he was called at home). As a child, Jadeja wouldn't sleep without her. She would carry his lunch and water bottle to his matches. Unfortunately, his mom passed away when Jadeja was only 17 years old. When she passed away, he was devastated. He suddenly lost interest in everything. Its his sister who played the role of his mother at that time and brought him to track again. His mom's last wish was to see his son in the national team's jersey.
Jadeja, with his determination have made her dream come true. :)

อ่านกี่ครั้งๆมันก็เป็นเรื่องจริงหลายคนพยายามดิ้นรนเพื่อความร่ำรวยจนเริ่มนึกไปว่าเงินทองไม่สามารถซื้ออะไรที่มีค่าสำหรับชีวิตของเราได้เลย

2013-04-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

มีชายหนุ่มไฟแรง ที่มุมานะทำงานอย่างมุ่งมั่น
เขามีความฝันจะสร้างครอบครัวที่สมบูรณ์กับแฟนสาว
เธอจะมารอ..ที่หน้าประตูบ้าน..ของเขา หลังจากที่เขาเลิกงาน
เขาพบเธอ..ก็ยิ้มแย้ม ..ยินดีต้อนรับ.. สนทนากัน..แล้วเธอก็กลับไป
วันนี้เขากลับถึงบ้าน ช้ากว่าปกติมาก
แต่แปลกที่ยังเห็นเธอยืนรอที่หน้าบ้านเขา.. เช่นทุกวัน

“ โทษทีนะที่รัก วันนี้มีงานด่วน เลยกลับมาช้าไปหน่อย ”

เธอยังยิ้มให้เขา “ คุณทำงานจนมีรถ มีบ้านอย่างที่ตั้งใจแล้ว
ทำไมยังทำงานหนักอีกล่ะ ?”

“ ผมอยากมีบ้านที่มีบริเวณมากกว่านี้ มีรถที่ดูโอ่อ่ามากกว่านี้
.. เพื่อคุณนะจ๊ะ ”

เวลาผ่านไป 1 ปี
หญิงสาวมาหาเขาบ้าง ไม่มาบ้าง แต่เขาไม่มีเวลามาใส่ใจกับเรื่องอย่างนี้

วันหนึ่งเธอเอ่ยถามเขา

“ คุณมีเงินมากพอจะซื้อบ้านหลังใหญ่รึยัง ?”

“ ขอเวลาอีกสักหน่อย ผมอยากซื้อแหวนวงใหม่ มาเปลี่ยนให้คุณด้วย ”

เขาจุมพิตมือที่สวมแหวนทองวงเล็กเบาๆ

“ ฉันบอกหรือว่า ฉันอยากได้แหวนวงใหม่ ?”

“ ผมอยากให้สิ่งที่ดีที่สุดเสมอ...ที่รัก ”

3 เดือนแล้ว..ที่เขาไม่เห็นเธอที่หน้าประตูบ้าน วันนี้เขามีบ้านหลังใหญ่
เขาจึงตัดสินใจลางาน 1 วัน เพื่อไปหาเธอ
เขาขับรถคันหรู ผ่านเส้นทางที่ขรุขระ อย่างยากลำบาก

‘ เธอต้องใช้ทางเส้นนี้มาหาเราทุกวันเหรอเนี่ย ?’ เขารำพึง

เมื่อมาถึง แม่ของเธอออกมาต้อนรับและมอบกล่องไม้ใบหนึ่งให้เขา
และบอกเส้นทางที่เป็นสถานที่ ที่เธออยู่ ที่ซึ่งเขาจะพบเธอได้

เนินเขาเล็ก ๆ รายล้อมไปด้วยดอกไม้ มีแท่นหินสลักชื่อหญิงสาว ตั้งอยู่กลางเนิน

น้ำตาของลูกผู้ชายไหลรินออกมา มือสั่นเทาของเขา เปิดกล่องไม้อย่างช้า ๆ

ข้างในกล่องอัดแน่นไปด้วยกระดาษแผ่นเล็ก ๆ

เขาเริ่มอ่านข้อความ..ทีละใบ...ทีละใบ.....

“ วันนี้ ..คุณกลับมาช้า ..ฉันรอ 2 ชั่วโมง ..ไม่เป็นไร ..ฉันรักคุณ ”

“ วันนี้ฝนตก ..ฉันยังรอ ..แต่ไม่เจอคุณ.. ไม่เป็นไร .. แต่ฉันยังรักคุณ ”

“ ฉันเริ่มป่วย.. จนไปหาคุณไม่ได้ ..คุณคงไม่ทันได้สังเกต.. ไม่เป็นไร...
แต่ฉันยังรักคุณ ”

“ วันนี้ ..คุณบอกจะเปลี่ยนแหวนวงใหม่..
คุณคงลืมว่า..ฉันตอบตกลง..จะแต่งงานกับคุณ ..เพราะแหวนวงนี้
แต่ไม่เป็นไร..ฉันยังรักคุณ ”

ชายหนุ่มได้เรียนรู้แล้วว่า.......
บางทีสิ่งที่เขาไขว่คว้ามาตลอดชีวิต
อาจเทียบไม่ได้กับสิ่งเล็กน้อย ที่เขาเคยได้รับ จนเป็นเรื่องปกติของทุกวัน

รถคันหรูแล่นไกลออกไป เหลือไว้เพียงกล่องแหวนเพชร ราคาแพง หน้าหลุมศพ
ที่ดูไม่เหลือค่าอะไร ..สำหรับเขา..อีกต่อไป

“ ผมมีบ้านหลังใหญ่..แต่คงกว้างไป สำหรับการที่จะต้องอยู่คนเดียว
ผมมีรถราคาแพง แต่ไม่รู้จะขับไปรับใคร ให้มานั่งเคียงคู่ ..เพื่อไปที่ไหน ๆด้วยกัน

ผมมีเวลาอยู่กับงานครึ่งชีวิต แต่ไม่เคยมีเวลา ที่จะได้อยู่กับคนที่..ผมรัก

ตอนนี้ผมมีเงินมากมาย แต่ไม่อาจซื้อเวลาเพียง 1 นาที ที่จะบอกว่า ‘ รักเธอ ’..

ผมมีทุกอย่างเพียบพร้อมตามที่ผมฝัน แต่ขาดส่วนที่สำคัญที่สุด ..ที่อยากให้ย้อนกลับมา..จะได้ไหม ?”..

ลองก้าวออกจากโต๊ะทำงานก่อนตะวันจะตกดินสักวันสองวันต่อสัปดาห์
หันกลับไปเอาใจใส่คนที่รักเราบ้าง อาจจะไม่ใช่แค่แฟนหรือคนรัก
บางที พ่อ แม่ ปู่ ย่า ตา ยาย ก็เฝ้ารอ 1 นาทีจากเราเหมือนกัน

ณ วันนี้...อย่างน้อยเราก็ยังมีเวลาเหลือมากกว่า 1 นาทีที่บางคนโหยหา...

อย่าปล่อยให้อะไรๆ มันสายเกินไป...
ชีวิตคน...ถึงมันจะไม่สั้นนัก...แต่มันก็ใช่ว่าจะยาวนานตลอดไป.............

เงินทองที่มากมายจากการทำงานหักโหม...
บางทีอาจได้คืนกลับมาเพียงแค่โลงราคาแพงจากน้ำพักน้ำแรง
ในครึ่งชีวิตที่ผ่านมา ....................

Bike wordings

2013-04-17T05:21:00.003-07:00

1) Cars Suck My Bike doesnâ€™t

2) Bikes donâ€™t kill people Cars Do

3) 2Wheel is good 4Wheel is bad

4) For the love of bikes

5) Bikes donâ€™t pollute they help us commute

6) My next vehicle is another BIKE

7) Wish my girl is as sexy as my Yamaha FZ

8) Honda Shine – at night too

9) Traffic sucks not my bike

10) Please start seeing bikers TOO

11) My bike takes me to places any car never could

12) Mom gifted and my girl fuels

13) The buses miss one passenger

14) Live to Bike

15) Bike for 5 hours work for 3

16) Riding relieves stress

17) Eat sleep and breathe my bike

18) This is a kickass bike

19) My bike has been my bitch for long

20) I am B+ and my bike is A+

21) My bike takes me extra mile every ride

22) Be the changeâ€¦follow me

23) My car loves to be in garage

24) If thereâ€™s no Yamaha in the heaven, Iâ€™m not going

25) Cars are for silly nerds Bikes for sexy guys

26) Will be born again for Yamaha

27) My last wishâ€¦..to take fastest bike

28) Anything for the bitch called Yamaha

29) Kawasexy

30) I am softâ€¦.My bike isnâ€™t

31) My bike is my fave chic

32) Life is cool my Yamaha is hot

33) Whatâ€™s life without a bike

34) These two wheels move my soul

35) Does thrill of speed overcomes fear for death?

36) Reflexes should be quicker than luck. Whatâ€™s yours?

37) My guardian angel lost track of me once I bought Pulsar

38) I would sleep with my Yamaha

39) Get a car you will regret, get a bike you will not until you are alive

40) Sitting on my butts and riding my Yamaha is only thing I am best at

41) Work sucks my bike doesnâ€™t

42) Girls suck my bike never

43) Life feels great only when I am bike riding

44) I have GPS on my bikeâ€¦.lift it to get a life

45) This bike comes with AUTOCOP

46) God created Earth man created 2 wheels

47) Girl let me down my bike lifted me

48) Alcohol doesnâ€™t give me high as my bike does

49) Addicted to riding

50) Biketarian here

Bike Wordings

2013-04-17T05:14:00.002-07:00

Love is trash! Girls need cash.

People Say I Drive Fassssttt
But
They Don’t Know That I’m Flying

Yeah! This Is My Dad’s Road

Impossible says,I’m Possible..!!!

Live for Nothing!
Die for Something!

Cover The Face!!!
F##K The Base!!!

Time Is The Best Teacher!
Unfortunately It Kills All Its Students!

Earth Is Full !
So Go Home.

Bike Wordings

2013-04-17T05:13:00.000-07:00

2 Arrears in Love [OR] Few Arrears in Love!

I am 420! Not in Speed

I Face Any Bike! Any Track! Any Time!

Girls Specialist!

“I use to lie always – My GF is an angel.”

She Said Drive Slowly!
“Avoid girls save petrol”

I’m Single, Can I Join Yo?

Think Globally! Act Locally!

HOW TO CLEAN THE LUNGS IN 3 DAYS

2013-04-17T03:06:00.000-07:00

HOW TO CLEAN THE LUNGS IN 3 DAYS~

Drinking 300 milliliters of juice of grapefruit in the snack. If you don't like the taste of the juice, mix it with a bottle of mineral water or replace it with pineapple juice. These juices contain natural antioxidants that promote a healthy respiratory system.

Drinking 300 milliliters of pure carrot juice between breakfast and lunch. Carrot juice will help alkalize your blood during the 3 days of cleaning.

You have to drink 400 milliliters of a potassium-rich juice with lunch. Potassium is a powerful agent that acts as a tonic for cleaning when ingested in liquid form. It squeezed carrot, celery, spinach, parsley. A true disgust that changes your life.

400 Milliliters of cranberry juice drink before bedtime. It helps to fight bacteria in the lungs that can cause infections. Blueberries are powerful antioxidants.

Care of the body and exercise
A hot bath for 20 minutes every day. It is important to allow the body to lose toxins through perspiration as much as possible.

Once the day walks brisk. Walking promotes healthy breathing. As you walk, you focus on breathing slowly and fully. It keeps the pace.

Place 5 to 10 drops of eucalyptus in hot water. Then you put a dry towel on the back of the head and inhale the steam until the water is no longer hot. The properties of oil and steam can help loosen the mucus.

Note~Make sure ths remedy wont have negative effect at ur current medical condition what u might have...!

If u are taking cholesterol or other medication dont take grape juice..!

Thought for the day

2013-03-01T07:34:00.001-08:00

‎'The Heart is the only machine that works without any

repairing for years,Keep it happy whether its 'yours' or

'others' .

husband and wife comedy

2013-03-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

Husband throws darts at wife's photo but not a single one hits the target.

Wife from kitchen, "honey, what r u doing?"

Husband, "Missing u" ;)

If its not safe to breathe, how can it be safe to eat?

2013-02-25T02:58:00.001-08:00

If it is not safe to breathe,how can it be safe to eat?

illusion tea cup with in a tea cup

2013-02-22T01:54:00.001-08:00

gif illusion

Possible Physical effects of lysergic acid diethylamide also know as LSD

2013-02-22T01:51:00.003-08:00

Possible Physical effects of lysergic acid diethylamide also know as LSD

wiring diagram for vespa,bajab,vijay super

2013-02-22T01:47:00.002-08:00

wiring diagram

‎4 bewakoof doston ne mil ke petrol pump khola.

2013-02-16T21:52:00.003-08:00

‎4 bewakoof doston ne mil ke petrol pump khola.

1 bhi customer nahi aaya. Kyun..??
Because...
Petrol pump was on 1st floor.. :P
.
.
Chal ek aur Fir charo ne usi floor pe restuarent khola.
1 bhi customer nahi aaya
Kyu..??
.
.
Kyuki...
petrol pump ka board nai hataya.. :P

Chal ek aur
Fir charo ne 1 taxi li.
1 bhi sawari nahi. Kyu..?

2 dost aage and 2 piche baith ke
sawari dhund rahe the..
.
.
Chal ek aur..ye last hai :p

Taxi kharab ho gayi.

Charo ne khud dhakka lagaya.
but taxi wahi ki wahi.
Kyu.?

2 aage se and 2 piche se dhakka
de rahe the... :D

Chal ek aur.. :p

Fir charo ne 1 bachhe ko kidnap kiya.

Bachhe ko kaha ghar ja apne
baap se 5 lac rs le kar aa.
warna tujhe maar denge.
.
.
Bachha ghar gaya aur uske papa
ne paise de bhi diye.
Kyu..?

bachhe ka baap bhi un bewakoofon ka dost tha... :p =D :D

kissing a girl DABANGG style

2013-02-16T21:52:00.000-08:00

Kissing a girl on her fore head is
respect,
.
.
kissing a girl on her cheek is
care,
.
.
kissing a girl on her eyes is care
& love,
.
.
kissing a girl on her lips is love,
.
.
but kissing a girl in front of her
boyfriend ???
.
.
HUD HUD DABANGG DABANGG
DABANGG ..... :D :D =xD

MARTINI

2013-02-16T21:51:00.000-08:00

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"

"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."

GONE FISHING

2013-02-16T21:48:00.002-08:00

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and again on the third. Finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says: "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us $1,500?"

The other guy says: "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

REWARD

2013-02-16T21:47:00.003-08:00

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping.

It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented: "Hmmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied: "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

GETTING A DIVORCE

2013-02-16T21:47:00.000-08:00

An elderly man in Boston calls his son in Los Angeles and says: "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; 45 years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says: "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in St. Louis and tell her!" and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts: "I'll take care of this."

She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man: "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. OK," he says: "They're coming home for the holidays and they're paying their own airfares!"

TENNIS SHOES

2013-02-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.

One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!"