Fast forward to the day after my due date. I went in to be checked and was 3 cm dilated. They did an ultrasound on baby to get an estimate of his size and check on all his fluid. He was measuring big – they estimated 9 lb 13 oz, with a margin of error of plus or minus one pound. He could be a pretty normal size, or he could be huge. The OB I saw that day suggested having a c-section because of the risk for shoulder dystocia with larger babies born vaginally. This really upset me. It was more news I wasn’t expecting. Now I had to make a huge decision. Opt for a c-section or stick to the plan of delivering vaginally. A c-section scared me so much – it’s surgery, and ya’ll know how my last surgery turned out, even though it too was supposed to be a routine procedure that’s done all the time. Plus, after researching I found that your risk for infection is higher with c-sections … infections can lead to sepsis, so again I was scared. I also felt like a c-section seemed like a drastic move when their measurements could be way off and shoulder dystocia, while a real risk, is also rare. At the same time, I didn’t want to put my baby at risk. I needed to choose what was the safest, best option for both of us.

After talking with several people – one who has had a baby with a shoulder dystocia, many who have had c-sections, and family members who are L&D nurses, I chose to stick to my plan of delivering vaginally. I did try to move my induction date up so he wouldn’t grow anymore, but the hospital had no availability. I was still set for Jan. 31. I prayed and prayed I would go into labor on my own that week of my due date, while my mom was already here to take care of the girls. I did so much walking and ate lots of spicy foods and pineapple. Nothing worked.

Monday, Jan. 31, came. I called the hospital at 5 a.m., but they didn’t have space for me yet. They said they would call when they were ready for me and to just go about my morning normally. I had no idea if I’d be waiting a few hours or a few days. (I waited two days to be induced with Ruthi because the hospital was so full.)

Thankfully, though, the hospital called late morning and said they were ready for me. They asked me to come in around 12:30 that afternoon. I had already showered and had breakfast. This gave us just enough time to finish packing, load the car, get a snack, and talk to the girls to explain everything that was about to happen. I was so glad we got to leave while they were awake and we could say goodbye and make sure they understood what was happening. I had been worried if I did go into labor on my own, that we would leave in the middle of the night. I just didn’t want to do that to them again after everything we’ve been through. Plus, childcare plans had changed multiple times, so I wanted to be clear with them on who was going to be taking care of them while we were away.

Once we got to the hospital, it took awhile to get situated. We got to our room, I changed into my hospital gown, and we met my nurse, Becky. Right away she put my IV in, which is honestly just a terrible part of having a baby. I warned her that everyone has trouble getting them in, and I was right. She gave up on my arm pretty quickly once the tears started streaming and moved to my hand. She also did my Covid test and got me all registered.

The OB on call that day came in to see me too. We showed them both the snack basket we had made for them all, and I explained that I had previous medical trauma and hoped they would read my story, which was written out with the snacks, to better understand all I would be dealing with while at the hospital. I love the quote, “Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory.” The fear from being back in a hospital and the reality of all that could go wrong was so real. I knew that at any moment I could react with a panic attack or weeping or who knows what. Thankfully, they all did read my story. Becky seemed so understanding and sweet. Several nurses came in to tell us thank you for the snacks and thank you for sharing my story. One nurse even said she would be praying for me.

The OB and nurse were so ready to get the show on the road. In fact, it felt a little rushed and made me nervous. The OB couldn’t wait to break my water, and as soon as the 30 minutes of monitoring was done, she got right to it! I was still only 3 cm dilated, which really surprised me after all the walking I had done that week! She broke my water, which wasn’t a very pleasant experience. With Raylee’s birth, they broke my water after the epidural was in so I didn’t feel a thing. With Ruthi’s birth, my water broke on its own during induction. So this was an unexpected and new experience for me. After they broke my water, they saw that he had had a bowel movement as meconium was coming out with the fluid. This really worried me, but they assured me this was normal for someone who was 41 weeks and most likely wouldn’t be an issue. There would be extra nurses in the room at delivery to make sure he was safe. They wanted to see if my body would take over after my water broke, but it didn’t.

At 2:30 p.m., they started my Pitocin. It was a little after 3 p.m. that I started feeling contractions and I learned my Covid test was negative. Contractions started coming pretty hard, and Travis always reminds me to go ahead and get the epidural. It’s not a contest to see how long I can last and how much pain I can endure. The OB had said the same thing, so it wasn’t long before I asked for the epidural. We told the anesthesiologist that during my last epidural my blood pressure had dropped too low. So he said he would “take it easy” on me to hopefully prevent that from happening again.

Getting the epidural is never fun, of course, but this time it was extra scary to me. They let Travis stay in the room, but he had to sit down and let the nurse be the one to help me. Becky talked me through it all and held me. I was a sobbing mess through it, but it was mostly from the fear – that trauma reaction. Becky was so understanding and helped me through it so much.

By 4:15 p.m., the epidural was in. Rather than lay me on my back, which can cause that blood pressure drop, they kept turning me on my side – back and forth. They checked me at 4:30 and I was 5 cm dilated. But by 5 p.m., my blood pressure was beginning to drop so they gave me ephedrine to help and kept turning me.

With both of my previous epidurals, I had been so relaxed and numb that I was able to sleep and relax. That was not the case with this one. Instead, I was freezing. The labor shakes had started after my epidural. Everything felt tingly and uncomfortable. It was anything but relaxing. It did take the pain of the contractions away, but I could still feel the pressure of them. I knew when one was happening where previously someone had to tell me. I hoped this would help me push better. I could still wiggle my toes too, so I knew this epidural was not as strong as my others.

They were a bit concerned because baby’s heartrate was having late decelerations, meaning it was dipping at the end of my contractions and not coming back up until after the contraction ended. Because of this they had to turn off my Pitocin and insert an internal monitor to track my contractions. I was asking if something was wrong, and they did a great job of explaining it without making me worry. They were so calm the whole time, which helped me stay calm. They decided to give me fluid through my IUPC around 6 p.m. They explained that a lot of fluid had left my body already, leaving little room for baby to move around. I honestly don’t understand it fully, but they inserted fluid up there for the kid to swim around some more.

It was almost time for shift change. We were sad for our nurse to leave, and we joked with her that she did all the hard work and now someone else was going to come in and get the credit when the baby came. Since she was about to leave, she came over and talked to me about all that was happening. She began to explain that I wasn’t progressing and that sometimes that could mean I would need a c-section. I could tell that she could tell that I was scared of that. I guess most women probably are and don’t want to hear that. She was trying to comfort and encourage me. While she was talking, I began to feel a ton of pressure. I interrupted her and told her what I was feeling. She checked me and what do you know – I was complete, 10 cm dilated! We laughed that my body heard her say c-section and said no way jose! In less than an hour, I had went from 5 cm to 10 cm, with my contractions coming just one minute apart. It was go time! I was excited and anxious to start pushing. It was the first time during birth that I felt like pushing.

But we had to wait for my doctor to arrive. It was a little after 7 p.m. when she got there. My nurse, Becky, caught the new nurse up on everything but said she was staying to see this baby be born! I loved that, and it made me so happy that she wanted to stay to see us through.

Everyone was ready. We started my push playlist and they got a mirror in place. This was the first time I chose to use a mirror while pushing. When they first wheeled it over, I wondered if this was such a good idea – it was a pretty disgusting view to be honest. But I knew seeing the progress would help me know when pushing was working. This was also the first time that I told everyone else when it was time to push rather than them telling me. I liked that I could feel the contractions coming so I knew when to push. There were definitely rest times between pushes too, so it didn’t feel rushed or urgent. It was by far the best pushing experience I’ve had.

After about five minutes of pushing, the OB suggested doing a little cut. I told her no. I had an episiotomy with Raylee that ended in a fourth degree tear, and I will never choose to go that route again. Plus, I had barely been given a chance to push at this point. I told her to let me keep trying and she agreed. It took a total of about 10 minutes, and he was out. I will never forget what it looked like seeing his head come out, knowing I probably only had one more push to get his body out. It was amazing and terrifying and gross and wonderful. I remember seeing the cord and then his head and worrying when he wasn’t immediately crying. But it didn’t take long before his screams came as everyone worked to suction him and wipe him down while he laid on my chest. Travis cut the cord as the tears came for me. I was overwhelmed with relief and joy. I had a son.

Josiah Timothy was born at 7:19 p.m., on Monday, Jan. 31^st. He weighed 9 lb 7 oz. and measured 19.75 inches long.

I had to have stitches because I had a second degree tear, which they expected because of his size and my scar tissue from my previous tears. Because of his size, he had to have his blood sugar checked every two hours before eating. Thankfully, he passed all of his tests – healthy as can be. We are all now home, recovering and trying to survive this newborn life with two other kids to keep alive. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who prayed for me and Josiah.

Check out my other birth stories here:

• Raylee’s Birth Story
• Ruthi’s Birth Story

You can also see all my pregnancy posts here or all my baby posts here.

The post Josiah’s Birth Story appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

I wanted to do a rainbow-inspired playroom for two reasons. First of all, it’s bright and fun and gender-neutral for the most part. But the main reason is that we already had so many toys and other things that would fit really well into this theme and color scheme. I love that our toys can coexist as decorations!

Rainbow Playroom Before & After

Here was the room before I began this project.

I started by painting the room white. Going from purple to white is not easy. It took three coats! But it helped that the trim and ceiling were already white, so I wasn’t worried about taping or precision when cutting in. Honestly, I slapped those three coats on and repainted the trim and doors in a matter of about four days. I really wanted to get all the paint finished before Travis went back to work from his Christmas vacation. It’s not fun trying to paint a room with kiddos!

We also had to get new outlet and light switch covers. It’s little details like that that actually make a big difference. Our previous homeowners were fans of black covers, so we switched them to white covers. Also, a lot of those toys in the before photos got moved to other areas of the house.

I knew I wanted to do an accent wall. I decided to go with rainbow-colored polka dots! I cut out sponges into circle shapes to create the dots. The trick to this is to put way less paint than you’d expect on the sponge — otherwise, it starts to run and drip. I learned this really quickly!

By painting the room white, the whole room looked so much bigger, cleaner, and happier. I kind of hated going to that room to play before. It just felt dark and dingy. But now, we all love it!

Once all the painting was done, I started decorating — my favorite part! I got these two 6-cube shelves from Target and put them next to each other (one vertical and one horizontal) to make it look like one big shelving unit. Most of my decor pieces came from Target. Pillowfort is a great brand with so many cute playroom or kids’ room ideas. When I was decorating the rainbow playroom, all of Target’s Pillowfort brand was 40% off! Woop!

Details & Links

Everything that isn’t linked here in this blog post can be found on my LiketoKnowIt page.

Here’s links to some of what we used in and on our shelves:

Rainbow Stacking Bowls

Small Wooden Rainbow — the large wooden rainbow was made by my father-in-law and painted by me!

Big Book of Colors

Speaking of books, as you may have noticed, I used a couple of the cubes for children’s books. We own a lot of books because I am a book hoarder, and I’m not ashamed of it! I want to instill a love for reading in my kids, so we have books all over the place. I arranged them by color in a rainbow look. Yep, I’m that person, and I love the way it looks!

Rainbow Nesting & Stacking Cups

Storage bins — the ones I bought came from Menards, which I can’t find online. But here are some that look similar and come in different colors. ClosetMaid Fabric Bins Having a place for the toys makes keeping the room organized so much easier. We clean up after we play in this room, and it doesn’t take that long because we know where everything goes!

The blue bin is for all dress up/pretend play. The orange bin is for the doctor kit and more pretend play items. The pink bin is for all balls. Who knew you could have so many? The purple bin is for all little people figurines and accessories.

Melissa & Doug Lacing Beads

My First Pop Beads

Stack & Sort Board that’s similar to ours

Fat Brain Dimpl Toy

The rainbow-colored toy possibilities are endless. That’s why this color scheme is so perfect! Ok now, I’ll share links to other things in the room.

Kids Table & Chairs

Bookshelf — I actually got this for free when someone in our neighborhood was getting rid of it. It just needed the screws tightened. I got it when Raylee was still just a tiny baby. This bookshelf is actually what began my idea of a rainbow playroom.

Bean Bag Chair — This is a bean bag cover that I got and we filled it with stuffed animals! It makes for a great storage spot for the zillions of stuffed animals we have, and now we have a cute little comfy spot for reading.

The small rainbow stool next to the bean bag chair is from TJ Maxx, so I can’t find it online anywhere. But here are some cute alternative stools that are bright and fun — Hand-Painted Fruit Stools.

Rainbow Playroom Wall Art

OK finally, let’s talk about the walls. So I already told ya how I did the rainbow polka dot accent wall. I also used a stencil to paint “Life’s a picture — paint it bright!” on the other wall. My sister-in-law made the stencil for me using her Cricut. I painted it and then outlined it with Sharpie so it would pop a little more. I used twine and clothespins for an art wall. Now, Raylee can hang up any art she creates in this space.

On the other wall, I bought this design from Etsy and had it printed at Staples. Then we bought these frames from Walmart and put them up. Props to Travis for fixing the frames so they all would be the same size. This was a total pain, to be honest. But it turned out great!

Since we had a majority of these items already and used a lot of toys as decor pieces, this room was a pretty simple flip. From drab to fab I would say! The whole thing took one month to finish — that includes cleaning out and reorganizing the closet, which is where we store our luggage and board games. We all love how it turned out!

Does your house have a designated playroom? Would you consider doing a rainbow playroom after seeing my photos?

The post Rainbow Inspired Playroom appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

Toddler Stocking Ideas

Sensory Bin Tool Set

I’ve been wanting to get this set for Raylee for such a long time. I’m finally pulling the trigger this year and sticking two of the tools in each girl’s stocking. This 4-piece set is perfect for sensory bin fun or other activities.

Mabel’s Labels

I got some of these labels for Raylee, and they are amazing! I put them on her snack bowl and her sippy cup — perfect for places like daycare or church nursery/kid’s class. My favorite thing about them is they are dishwasher safe! They stay on so well, but are also really easy to peel off. I don’t even get how that works! The best part is they are having a 40% off sale right now until Nov. 30. The preschool shoe labels are brilliant! Raylee is always putting her shoes on the wrong feet, and these labels would solve that problem! I love that you can personalize them with the font style and colors. I’m getting these for Ruthi this year.

Stickers

Every kid loves stickers. Get them a small notebook and a pack of stickers and they are set. This huge set of puffy stickers are so cute and it comes with tons of them! It’s so affordable too — $6 for 500 stickers! This is a great way to split one purchase between all your kids’ stockings.

Hair Bows

Colleen from Darling Bows & Bits has handmade hair bows in her Etsy shop that are, as the name states, darling! I love the velvet ones and the sailor style bows. They are so cute! Colleen is having a clearance sale Dec. 6-11, so grab them then! She has lots of cute Christmas fabrics.

Fat Brain Dimpl Toy

I’ve seen kids play with this toy, and it’s amazing how entertaining it is for something so simple. This one is on the smaller side, so it could fit into a stocking. I’m getting this for Ruthi this year.

Character Band Aids

We once got Raylee a pack of princess band aids and she absolutely loved them. It’s the perfect remedy for a boo-boo! These Paw Patrol ones will be showing up in her stocking this year.

Tape or Other Activity Supplies 

This is a great time to stock up on all the supplies you need for any activities you like to do during the year. These can make great stocking stuffers. It’s cute how excited a toddler can get over a roll of tape!

Crazy Straws

Both of our girls could stand to drink more water, and the best way to make that happen — a new cup or a silly straw! This pack comes with 12, so you can divide them among your kiddos. Plus, I love all the fun colors!

Watercolor Paint Set

This comes as a set of three — so perfect if you’ve got three kids. If you only need one, though, check out your local dollar store. I find watercolor paints to be less messy and really simple since they just need a little water to work.

Magic Growing Wash Clothes

First of all, you can click that link if you need to see what these are — but do not buy them from Amazon. These are way too expensive. You can get them at a Dollar Tree for a dollar each! The dollar store is a great spot to find all kinds of ideas for cheap!

Do you have other ideas? What are you putting in your toddler stocking this year?

Check out these other ideas:

Toddler Gift Guide 

35 Best Children’s Books for Toddlers

The post Toddler Stocking Stuffer Ideas appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

Christmas Gift Ideas — Things I Want

Here are a few of the things on my wish list this year!

Large Oil Diffuser

If you know someone who is into oils, this diffuser is large and beautiful, and best of all, it is affordable. I would love to keep this one in our living room. It will go with our decor and is large so that it will actually spread the scent throughout our large living area.

Makeup Brush Set

This set from Real Techniques is good quality with brushes I’ll actually use without any extras that will go to waste. I love the colors of this set too. This set is perfect for applying blush, bronzer, highlighter, concealer and shadows. I’ve heard this makeup sponge that is included works really well. Has anyone else been breaking out a lot because of our masks? I figure it’s time for a whole new brush set — start totally clean. This could be a great stocking stuffer!

Makeup Brush Cleaner Pad 

Laura Godfrey on Instagram influenced me on this one. She uses this to clean all her makeup brushes. I admit I don’t wash my brushes NEARLY enough as I should. I think this would make it more simple and remind me to do it more often. We’ve got to clean our makeup brushes more often to prevent breakouts! Another great stocking stuffer idea!

Instant Pot

My friends have talked me into this one. I didn’t think I needed one of these bad boys, but now I want one. I didn’t realize you can use it as a slow cooker or a pressure cooker. This model is a 7-in-1 appliance that works as a pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, steamer, saute pan, food warmer, and yogurt maker. The possibilities are endless!

KitchenAid Mixer Pasta Attachment

I’ve wanted one of these for seven years now! I think it would be so fun to make our own pasta. If anyone knows me well, homemade pasta is my heaven. Travis made homemade fettuccine for me for Mother’s Day that was divine, and it would have been so much easier to do with this attachment.

Eyebrow Tinting Kit

This technically isn’t for eyebrows. It’s just a spot hair treatment, but I’ve seen multiple people use it for their eyebrows. Now, as a blond, I always have had extremely light eyebrows to where it doesn’t look like I have any! So I use an eye shadow or pencil to darken them up a bit. But if I get this tinting kit, I wouldn’t have to worry about my eyebrows every day. I’d only have to recolor them every 10 days or so.

Self Tanner + Self Tanner Mit

This could be another stocking stuffer idea. One thing that makes me just feel more confident is being tan. I had never even tried self tanner before until this year — might as well give it try when you are stuck at home constantly, right? If I turn out orange, no one is going to see me! I want to upgrade though to this self tanner and get myself a mit, which is a must-have for self tanner.

Yeti Tumbler

Now that I’ve started drinking coffee more often, I need my own special cup. I only drink iced coffee, and since I have two small kids I need it to stay iced for as long as it can. Enter the Yeti tumbler — but I don’t want just any Yeti. My husband already has a silver one. I want a pretty one! And I love this seafoam color!

Olive Oil Dispenser

OK, so this one could kind of go under both “things I love” and “things I want” categories. Because we do own this olive oil dispenser already, and I love it. I use it all the time. But, it is red. Because we used to have our kitchen decorated in red. Ever since we’ve lived in Kentucky, though, our kitchen has been a totally different color scheme. I would love to switch out our olive oil dispenser for one that matches our kitchen. So when I saw this baby on sale, I snatched it up. Consider it a gift to myself.

Boho Wrap Bracelet

I love the look of stacked bracelets, and this is the best way to do them because it’s one bracelet! This company is so affordable and has so many pretty options! Great stocking stuffer! (This one is not pictured in the photo.)

Christmas Gift Ideas — Things I Love

Here are a few things that I already own and love and would recommend to friends!

Makeup Eraser Towels

I used to buy the disposable makeup remover wipes. I loved those. But then I tried these towels out, and I won’t go back. They save me money for one. But they also actually work really well! They only use water and completely remove my makeup — even mascara. It comes in a pack of four.

Silk Hair Scrunchies

These scrunchies help protect your hair. They are especially great for curly hair! I always make sure I wear them to bed at night. It comes in such a large pack with lots of different colors. Stocking stuffers for all your gal pals?

Back Massager

This dude is wonderful to have after a long day. I like to turn it on the heat setting and switch it from my upper to lower back and sometimes even my neck.

Weekender Bag

I got this bag to take as my hospital bag when I was pregnant with Ruthi. It is the perfect size for a couple days away — hence the name weekender bag. It’s durable and great quality. Plus, it’s really cute.

pH Lipstick

This lipstick is so fun. It looks gold, but it mixes with your pH balance to create a color specifically for you. It helps moisturize your lips at the same time. Great stocking stuffer idea! (This one is not pictured in the photo.)

What’s on your wish list this year? I’m hoping to have another post written soon with toddler stocking stuffer ideas!

Know someone who is pregnant? Here’s some cute gift ideas for them!

Know a blogger? Check out this gift guide for them!

The post Christmas Gift Ideas for Her appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

Let me start by saying that November is this area’s “off season,” which meant a lot of places or activities were closed or just had strange hours. We stopped at a restaurant and scoured their menu outside before realizing they were closed for the season. We stopped at a few shops that were closed and the sign on the door said their hours were “maybe Monday.” It actually got to be pretty comical! Even though some things were closed, we still had a great getaway. I recommend going in the summer if you want to do “all the things” but if you want to see the gorgeous leaves and relax a bit more, November is a good time too.

Things We Did

Shopping/Browsing

Newport has tons of shopping spots, especially lots of cute little boutiques with unique items. We went to the shops on Bellevue and Thames streets. It’s fun just to stroll around checking out each shop. We got a gift for our daughter at one of the kid’s boutiques. There’s a Christmas store on Bellevue that had every Christmas ornament you could ever think up. I loved looking at them all, and we bought one to bring home for our tree.

Cliff Walk

This was one of my favorite things we did in Newport, Rhode Island. The cliff walk is a trail just over three miles long along the ocean. It is so beautiful! There are mansions on one side of you and the sea on the other. There are rocks you walk over or some areas are paved. There are tunnels to walk through too. It’s just a very neat area to explore. They also have little posts throughout the trail where you can use the QR code to learn about what you are seeing. We assumed, being in November, that the cliff walk would be very cold. But the day we walked it, the sun was shining and it ended up being pretty hot. I wished I had worn layers! So be sure to wear good walking shoes, layers in case the weather isn’t as you expect, and sunglasses if it’s a bright day. We walked toward the sun, so by the end of it I had a massive headache.

The Breakers & Elms

Newport, Rhode Island is full of mansions. The Breakers is the most famous one. The wealthy Vanderbilts lived in it, but now it is owned by the Historic Preservation Society. There’s a discount if you purchase tickets for both The Breakers and The Elms mansions. I recommend seeing both. The Breakers shows you “old money” and The Elms shows you “new money,” as it was owned by a different family who gained their wealth through the coal business. There are self-guided tours of both mansions through an app on your phone. Both of these mansions were so interesting to see. We enjoyed imagining what life would have been life for the rich back then in Newport. These aren’t the only mansions, but these are the two most popular and the ones we chose to visit.

Ocean Drive

Ocean Drive is a road that winds all around taking you past mansions and gorgeous homes, as well as, of course, the ocean! It’s a really pretty drive, and we had fun seeing all the houses the most. We drove it right before sunset, and then we stopped and watched the sunset over the water. It was beautiful!

Other Options in Newport, Rhode Island

I had really wanted to take a dinner cruise or sailboat ride on the water while we were in Newport, Rhode Island. Unfortunately, that’s not an option in November. But if you go during the summer time, you definitely should do it!

Because Rhode Island is so small, it’s pretty easy to drive around and see most of it. You can visit Providence and Jamestown, as well as other towns. I’ve heard Goat Island is a gorgeous spot. It’s also not a long drive to Connecticut or Massachusetts if you want to visit either of those states. You can take a small plane or ferry over to Martha’s Vineyard or Nantucket.

Fort Adams State Park is supposed to be very nice too, but we, surprisingly, never visited that spot. We did drive by it though!

On one of our rainy days, I decided to go get my nails done since I don’t get to do that too often. I highly recommend T Nails Salon and Spa on Thames Street if you are looking for a spot to do some pampering. They did a great job on my nails.

Restaurants We Loved

Our favorite part of any vacation is trying new restaurants and indulging in delicious food. This vacation was no exception. We just happened to be in Newport, Rhode Island, during restaurant week too, which meant there were lots of deals available.

Empire Coffee and Tea

Every morning we stopped here first to get some coffee and a pastry. My husband and his sister opened a coffee roastery and cafe last year, so not only do we want to support small, local coffee shops, my husband is also a bit of a coffee snob. When we first arrived at our condo, we asked for recommendations for good coffee shops. The clerk told us where Starbucks was. That was just not going to do for my husband! But we found this spot and loved it.

Joe’s American Bistro

This was my favorite restaurant that we went to during our time in Newport. We sat at the bar because we hadn’t made a reservation, but it actually ended up feeling more cozy that way. The bartender was so nice. We got the three course meal deal for restaurant week. We both loved the food.

Corner Cafe

There was one morning where we went out for breakfast. A friend who used to live in Newport recommended this spot, and she was right — it was delicious! We both ended up getting pancakes, and there were divine. The cafe has a really cute and cozy feel to it too. However, the coffee was only subpar.

Another breakfast spot I wanted to try was The Hungry Monkey, which is just down the street from Corner Cafe. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to eat there. We just ran out of days!

The Red Parrot

If we hadn’t wanted to try out new restaurants, we probably would have ate at this place over and over. The Red Parrot had tons of options and they all looked so good. We got a fig & goat cheese flatbread that was to die for! We wished we could have that as an appetizer every night. I got the rasta pasta as my main dish, and it was so flavorful. I couldn’t even tell you what Travis got because I was too busy devouring my meal! They had a great drink menu too!

White Horse Tavern

Have you ever wanted to visit the oldest restaurant in America? The White Horse Tavern is just that! It opened in 1673 and still has all the same charm. It is the 10th oldest restaurant in the world! That just blows my mind. So when we found out these facts and read about the restaurant’s history, we knew we wanted to give it shot. The food did not disappoint!

The Mooring

This restaurant is right on the water so you can watch boats come in and out of the marina. Very pretty views and such a nice atmosphere. The clam chowder was really good! Travis got a deal on the raw seafood sampler — he was in heaven.

We tried food at lots of different restaurants, but those were are favorites in Newport. However, our absolutely favorite meal during our vacation came from another place. We ended up driving to Cape Cod on our last day simply because we could to have lunch. We stopped at The Lobster Trap in Cape Cod. Ya’ll, this food … Travis got the lobster roll that was jam-packed with fresh lobster meat. I got a swordfish sandwich that was the best I’ve ever had. Have you ever tried swordfish? It’s my favorite seafood. Anyway, if you have an open day while visiting Newport, this hour drive is worth it!

So there ya have it, folks. We had a fabulous time on our kid-free getaway toward the end of the craziest year ever. If you ever get the chance to visit Newport, Rhode Island — take it.

Check out my other travel posts here!

The post Things to Do in Newport, Rhode Island appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

Savory Zucchini Bread

Let’s get right to the recipe since I know that’s what you’re here for!

Did you also know there are two kinds of zucchini? We planted both yellow zucchini and green zucchini. I think most people just use green zucchini, but the yellow ones are just a tad sweeter. So we like to use our yellow ones for our cinnamon, sweet zucchini bread and the green ones for this savory zucchini bread.

Try it out and let me know if you like the sweet or savory zucchini bread better.

Check out a few of my other recipes that would go well with this bread:

• Chicken Tortilla Soup
• Spinach Tortellini Soup
• Creamy Chicken N’ Rice

The post Savory Zucchini Bread with Cheese appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

It’s very common to experience anxiety after any type of trauma. I researched a bit after my medical ordeal to see if what I was feeling and experiencing was normal, and it turns out that PTSD or post-trauma anxiety are very normal after coming off a ventilator. “Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory” — a quote I found that couldn’t be further from the truth. (If you know where this quote comes from, I’d love to give credit, so let me know.) Here’s a bit about my experience with post-trauma anxiety.

Dealing with Post-Trauma Anxiety

I began to first experience this anxiety after I was moved out of the ICU. I would have flashbacks of being “suctioned out,” as I call it, right before my second breathing test. You can read about that experience here. I struggled with sleeping, and not just because I was in a hospital bed. It was my brain that wouldn’t let me fall asleep. I dreaded bedtime every night. There was one night that they gave me a sleeping pill before bed. I don’t even know why, but I was so thankful for it. I would have trouble sleeping later after I got home too. At first I took strong pain meds to help knock me out, then switched to Tylenol PM, and then later to melatonin. My brain was trying to work through all the trauma, even as I was sleeping. So sometimes I would have nightmares or just wake up and not be able to fall back asleep.

My Own Health

The biggest area of my anxiety was related to my own health for obvious reason. I felt like I couldn’t trust any of my doctors because of some of my experiences in the hospital. I was always worried my infection would get worse, my abscess would come back, and my ultimate fear — that I would end up back on a ventilator. I wasn’t even really scared of death, it was just the suffering. The ventilator traumatized me, and I never wanted to experience it again.

This anxiety became the worst one night when we were back home. One of my scars from my appendectomy incision still had a small stitch in it. They were supposed to go away on their own and, not ever having surgery before, I had no idea how long it would take. I assumed they should have been gone by then. It had been over a month since my surgery! So one night, when looking at it, I noticed it looked different. It was sticking out a little more than usual and there was something white around it. I immediately began to worry that it was infected, or that somehow my abdomen infection was leaking out of it. My thoughts spiraled, and before I knew it I could not stop crying. I ended up having a panic attack. The tears got to the point where I was having trouble breathing. The only way I got through it and was able to calm down was through an app that I’ll talk about below.

Leaving Behind My Kids

The second part of my anxiety was the reality of how close I was to dying. I could not stop thinking about the “what could have beens.” I knew Travis would survive without me, but the thought of leaving behind my two beautiful girls was so hard on my heart. Eventually, they wouldn’t even remember me. I thought a lot about how much that would have affected them.

In fact, just being separated from my 2-year-old for two weeks straight without any warning did affect her. She had separation anxiety once we reunited, which in turn, gave me separation anxiety. Every time I left them, I worried I wouldn’t make it back soon or worst I wouldn’t make it back at all.

One night, Travis and I left the girls at the house where they had stayed while I was in the hospital. They were there with their aunt, uncle, and grandma. I knew they were in good hands, and I knew Travis and I needed a night to ourselves. But the entire way to the high school gym (we were going to see a basketball game), I was struggling not to sob my eyes out. I just kept thinking about all the ways we could die and never make it back to the girls. Even once we got to the gym and found seats, I was still struggling. I really did not want to have a panic attack in the middle of this crowd! When Travis left to get us some refreshments, I texted my mom and explained all I was feeling. She prayed for me over text message, and I felt my fears melt away. That night ended up being so good for Travis and me. I had really struggled with whether to go or not, and now I’m so glad my mother-in-law urged me to go.

The biggest thing that helped me overcome that part of my anxiety was when I met with a mentor at my church. We talked about all I was feeling and she asked, “Do you trust God? If you died, would He take care of your girls?” I knew the answer was yes. He would definitely take care of them, so if I claimed to trust God, I needed to actually trust God. Now, anytime I think those “what if” thoughts, I remind myself that even in my worst case scenario God will take care of it all.

Managing Anxiety

When I first wrote this, I had this section labeled “Overcoming Anxiety.” But then I realized maybe “overcoming” isn’t the right word. Perhaps “managing” is the word I should use. Is my anxiety gone? Sometimes it seems like it, but all it takes is a trigger to bring it back. The whole COVID-19 thing is enough to bring it back a lot of times. So here are some things that have helped me manage my anxiety and keep it under control.

Sharing.

I posted about my anxiety a bit on my Instagram page, and set up a poll for my readers to see how many deal with anxiety on some level. A whopping 93% said yes, they, too, experience anxiety. Satan often tries to isolate us and make us feel like we are the only ones experiencing this. He tells us we are the odd ones out, but that isn’t true! As much as we don’t want others to feel this way, it is comforting to know we aren’t alone. It helps us feel seen, heard, understood — something I imagine all of us want on some level. So one of the things that has helped me is sharing about my experience and sharing about my feelings or fears — whether it be quietly while laying next to my husband in bed, or publicly by writing a blog post.

Prayer.

Having others pray for me like when my mom texted me her prayer while I was across the state in a gymnasium has been incredibly helpful. Spending time in prayer myself or sometimes writing out prayers has been helpful. Sometimes I need to just speak or write out all that is on my mind and heart.

3-Minute Mindfulness App

I got this app five years ago when I went through something else traumatic. I haven’t had it on my phone in years, but when I had that panic attack about my stitches — I remembered this app and downloaded it again. It was hard to do during a panic attack, but Travis, once he figured out what I was trying to do, was able to help me. I open the app, click “breathe” at the top, and choose “box breathing.” I have it set to three minutes, and I click begin. It takes you through an exercise that helps you focus on your breathing. You just follow what it says — breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold. It calms me down and helps me breathe again.

Finding a Mentor or Counselor. 

While in the hospital, someone came to see me to ask me questions and give me a referral to see a therapist for my post-trauma anxiety. I was very much looking forward to seeing a therapist, but unfortunately it just ended up not working well for me. I’ve got a post coming with more details on that soon. But knowing I still needed some form of “help,” I started going to my church for what they call “intense discipleship.” It’s sort of like counseling, but mostly like having a mentor. My main reason for switching to this is that I wanted the Word of God to take precedent in our conversation. This has been crucial to me in working through my trauma, understanding the “whys,” and not being scared of the “what ifs.”

Worship Music.

I fill my car, my kitchen, my shower — my heart and mind — with worship music. I have several different playlists on Spotify that I listen to. For every traumatic or heartbreaking time in my life, there is one specific song I cling to. There was once a time in my life where I could not fall asleep without playing “Lord, I Need Thee” on repeat. After my miscarriage, as I struggled in my faith, I would sing “Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle over and over. During my breathing test to come off the ventilator, Travis played the song, “The More I Seek You” by Kari Jobe on repeat, and I pictured myself curled up in God’s big, strong hands. Kari Jobe came through later as I was in recovery; I played her song “Forever” all the time — praising God for my healing. Worship music helps me fix my eyes on Jesus, shifts my perspective, and reminds me who I belong to.

Digging into the Word.

I have had to make time to read my Bible, read other Christian books, and listen to sermons online. I have to be putting the Word of God into my heart constantly so I can be reminded of the Truth when Satan tries to whisper lies to me. I’ve also been working on scripture memorization. God tells us to hide the Word within our hearts. If we have it memorized, we don’t have to go searching for it. Instead, it will pop into our minds when we need it most.

These are some of the things that have helped me manage my anxiety. The difference I see in myself between leaving the hospital and now is incredible. God didn’t just heal me physically, He is healing my heart and soul too. It’s a process though. I hope this post helped you see you aren’t alone and maybe even gave you some tips or ideas for managing your own anxiety.

Have you ever had anxiety after trauma? Or anxiety at all? What are some things you do to manage it?

You may want to read some of my other posts:

• Sepsis Survivor: My Story of Healing (Part I)
• Seeing with Eyes Like Doves
• Construction Zone
• Finding Your Selah

The post Scars: Managing Anxiety after Trauma appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

At first, she would just lay in bed talking or singing to herself. Then, I let her choose one book to read … then three books, until one day it became apparent that this girl wasn’t going to sleep during the day anymore and she needed more options to keep herself entertained in her room by herself. I reached out via Instagram, asking my followers for ideas. One person taught me about quiet time bins. The rest is history.

How We Do Quiet Time

I began gathering items to fill three bins. I shopped my own house first, looking for toys Raylee enjoys but doesn’t play with often — toys and activities she would be able to play with by herself. Then I searched Amazon and Target for other ideas. Slowly, over time, I began to fill the bins with things I would collect. Once each bin had several items, we started this new routine.

Each day Raylee is allowed to choose one bin from the top of her closet. Each bin is a 20 quart Sterilite storage container with a lid. I used construction paper to mark each bin — 1, 2, or 3 — with different colored paper.

I set the bin down in her room, open it up, and pull a few things out. Our quiet time rules are that she must stay in her room — we actually put a door knob child proof cover on her door to ensure she won’t be leaving the room. (This helped with her constantly coming out to ask me a question or check on me or tell me something, etc. I don’t need her coming out to find me eating ice cream!) She also must stay quiet — no yelling or screaming — since her baby sister is in the next room actually napping. I also put her potty chair in the room with her. I put a large bath towel underneath it, just in case. I put a little toilet paper in there too. The last rule is she must go potty on the potty and keep her underwear dry. If she poops, which she seems to do quite often, she has to yell for mommy to come wipe her. That’s the only time she’s allowed to yell. It took a little bit to get the potty rules down, but she has been doing great with it. We started keeping her in a pull up, and then switched to her underwear.

Our Quiet Time Bin Contents

Bin #1

1. A reusable sticker book we got as a gift awhile back. I found this in the house, realized it had been forgotten about, and tucked it into the bin!
2. Nina Ballerina Dress up Doll from Melissa and Doug — She got this for her birthday this year, and I knew it would make a great addition to this quiet time bin. She loves that it’s a ballerina!
3. Crayola Color Wonder Mess Free Coloring Pages — We love these coloring pages and markers so much. In this bin, she has the Disney Princess set. Once all the pages have been colored, I’ll switch it out for something else or another theme of coloring pages. The best part about this activity is I don’t have to worry about her marking all over her clothes, furniture, or her body. It only marks on the paper it’s meant for. Genius!
4. These rainbow counting bears have been a hit around here. You can count, sort, match, line them up — the options are endless. Our set comes with cups and tongs. It doesn’t look like they sell the one we have anymore, but this option from Gleeporte is similar. I wanted to add this to our quiet time bins because the bears are small enough that I don’t want this played with while Ruthi is around. This guarantees they are put away before Ruthi gets up from her nap.
5. I got these Find and Match Eggs for Raylee’s birthday, specifically to add to her quiet time bins. She enjoys finding the matches and sticking them back in the carton. It can also help kiddos learn shapes and colors.
6. I found these colored car lacing felt toys at the Target dollar spot! Here are some similar options on Amazon.
7. Raylee used to play with this Melissa and Doug Make-a-Face booklet in the car, which is how a lot of the stickers got lost. So I moved it to her quiet time bin so she could still enjoy it with the stickers she has left. I love that Amazon sells them in a 3-pack, which would be perfect so you can put one in each bin!
8. Lastly, there are two puzzles in this bin that we already had at home.

Bin #2

1. We already had this Melissa and Doug magnetic dress up set at home. It had been tucked away and kind of forgotten about, so I added it to the bin to be played with more. I don’t see the exact one we have for sale anymore, but I love this new one that comes with outfits for a doctor, astronaut, fireman, and more.
2. This Melissa and Doug Shape Sorting Clock was a gift from when Raylee was only one, so we’ve had it and played with it quite often. Now that she can play with it all by herself, I added it to the bin. She can learn colors, numbers, and shapes with this toy.
3. The little Minnie Mouse puzzle was something she got for her birthday this year. When people asked, I told them I was on the look out for quiet time toys and activities! Raylee can mix and match Minnie’s head, chest, and legs to make them match or to mix them all up. She was very excited about this when she got it, and still plays with it every time she picks this bin. They don’t sell this exact one anymore, but here’s something similar if you’ve got a Minnie Mouse fan.
4. This dry erase board that comes with traceable letters and magnets was another Target dollar spot find. I was hesitant to add this to the quiet time bin because of the dry erase marker. It has only been a problem two times — once when Raylee drew all over her feet, and once when she marked on her bed. But she has since learned that we only draw on the board. I don’t think it will be a problem again. I definitely don’t recommend this if you don’t think your toddler can handle a dry erase marker.
5. The Melissa and Doug Water WOW books are fantastic simply because you can use them over and over and all it takes is water. You can get packs of three on Amazon and stick one in each bin! Just remember to fill the pen with water before quiet time begins and empty it at the end, or be like me and just leave water in there. What’s it going to hurt?
6. A great way to teach kids hand eye coordination is through activities like these lacing beads from none other than Melissa and Doug (gosh, I’m sensing a theme here). I love how big and colorful the beads are. Raylee likes to pretend she is making necklaces.
7. Finally, I threw in a puzzle that we already had. This farm cube puzzle is something I would like to add to this bin at some point.

Bin #3

1. This sticker book is not reusable; however, it has more than 1,000 stickers in it so I’m sure it will last.
2. I threw this puzzle in that we already had at home.
3. This little LeapFrog Scribble and Write Tablet has been a big hit with Raylee for over a year now. It teaches kids how to follow directions and trace letters, as well as what sound each letter makes. She can play with this by herself and it usually keeps her entertained for quite some time, so it’s a great quiet time activity.
4. Raylee got this magnetic play set for her birthday this year. It has a couple papers with different scenes on them and a bunch of different magnets you can place all over the scenes. I don’t think they sell this one anymore, but here’s a Curious George set that looks like the same thing. This is another toy that I wanted to keep in the quiet time bins because I wouldn’t want Ruthi to find any of these small magnets and eat them/choke on them.
5. Here’s another lacing set that comes with Bible-themed cards and yarn. It came from Oriental Trading.
6. Here’s another Water WOW book. I just love these things.
7. Squigz is a toy she got for her birthday this year. These little dudes easily suction together and pop apart. You can make all kinds of things with them. They also stick to furniture, windows, the bathtub, even your forehead!

Aside from the bins, I also rotate a few other toys into the room. These might be toys that don’t fit in the bins or that you normally keep in a closet or up on a shelf that the child might forget about it, but could play with on their own. The whole point is that these toys and bins aren’t being played with every day, so they feel new and will keep the child entertained longer.

Some of the toys I rotate in are:

• Train Set — This isn’t the exact one we have, but I’m surprised how much Raylee enjoys playing with train sets. I love that this set has a bridge and a storage box.

• Mental Blox — We got this as a gift. It comes with different colored, patterned, and shaped blocks. Cards are included that show different examples of what to build and then kids can try to replicate it. It boosts analytical thinking.

• Picasso Tiles — Raylee can build tall towers and even a rocket ship by herself with these magnetic tiles. We have built elaborate castles and robots together. This is way more than building, there is so much creativity and imagination involved.

• Reusable Sticker Book — I pull these bad boys out any time I need Raylee to entertain herself for awhile, so sometimes I will put one in her room for quiet time too. She loves the dress up one. I’d like to get her the princess castle one too.

• Lovevery Block Set — I love how versatile and simple this set is with 20+ learning and development activities. Plus, it comes in a wooden storage box that can convert into a pull car — how cool is that?

There are also three other things that are always in Raylee’s room and she plays with often — quiet time or not. That’s her giant collection of stuffed animals, her small collection of Barbies, and her bookshelf full of children’s books. I love coming into Raylee’s room at the end of quiet time and seeing her sitting in a pile of books “reading.” If you need some book ideas, I’ve got a post on the 35 Best Children’s Books for Toddlers.

So there you have it, that’s how we do quiet time around here. Do you have a toddler that has stopped napping? How do you handle quiet time? 

The post Quiet Time Bins for Toddlers appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

If you missed the rest of the story, be sure to start at the beginning — Sepsis Survivor: My Story of Healing (Part I).

My Recovery

My story left off (Part V) with me coming home from the hospital with my drain in and reuniting with my two daughters — Raylee, who was almost three at the time, and Ruthi, who was almost 6 months at the time. My husband had the first week off of work, and my mom was here helping too. It was hard to let go of control — I wasn’t the one putting the girls to bed or making their lunch, etc. Instead, I would spend as much time as I could with them before needing to go lay down and rest or sleep.

I was doing my spirometer multiple times a day, as well as exercises to regain strength in my legs. I was trying to do as much as I could while still taking it easy too.

On Feb. 4, I had an appointment with my new primary care doctor. My mom was needing someone to sign her FMLA paperwork, so I had to make an appointment in order to find someone who would finally sign off on her staying to help while I recovered. While at the appointment, where I met this doctor for the first time, she went over my reports and learned about all that had happened. I was complaining of pain in my ribcage. I had also gotten to the point where I couldn’t lay down without being in pain. I wasn’t able to sleep unless I was sitting up. She said despite the fact that I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon the next day, she was going to order tests because she felt responsible for my care. I liked that she seemed to care so much. But I didn’t like the thought of more tests. She ordered blood work, a chest x-ray, and another CT scan.

More Tests

They took me to another room to take my blood, and the girl couldn’t get a vein. I couldn’t stop crying, and I knew she felt bad. They decided I should just go to the hospital to have all the tests done. I broke down in the hallway because I did not want to go back to the hospital. I was afraid they would find something wrong and they would admit me. We had told Raylee we would be back soon, and now I was afraid it would be a long time before I ever came back to her. I had also had my first therapy appointment scheduled for that afternoon, and now I wouldn’t make it in time. I had been looking forward to that appointment and was very disappointed.

I had my blood drawn first, and I found out my hemoglobin levels had went up to 9.6. On my way to the chest x-ray, I ran into my hospital angel! She saw me and said, “Wait, you’re still here?!” I told her I was just back for follow-up tests. As scary as it was to be back there, I think God sent her into that hallway at just the right time. Just seeing her made me feel better. I also saw a couple other people I had met during my stay in the hospital. There are people called transporters that come and take you down for tests and then bring you back to your room. I had gotten to know some of them during my stay, and I saw one of them while waiting for my CT scan.

The next day, I had my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He took my drain out — again it is such a strange experience. I cried. Not because it hurt or anything. Just so many emotions. During this appointment, he told us my CT scan had showed that my abscess was shrinking but that I still had small pockets of infection throughout my abdomen. He also told us I had fluid on my lungs. He told me that this recovery was not going to take weeks, but instead it would be months before I felt like myself again. That was so hard to hear. It was not what we were expecting, and honestly I needed to grieve some after that. I’m pretty sure I cried most of the way home.

Medications & Therapy

On Feb. 7, I began taking medication to reduce the fluid on my lungs. This medication can make your blood pressure drop, and since I seem to have issues with that we monitored my blood pressure too.

I continued taking my antibiotics until they ran out on Feb. 16, and then I just had to hope that my body would fight off the infection on its own. I have also been taking probiotics every day. I weaned myself off my prescribed pain medicine pretty quickly, but I would take ibuprofen almost daily. I also had to take Tylenol PM in order to sleep, otherwise I would lay awake replaying everything and going over all the what ifs — what could have happened and what could still happen. I finally got into therapy, but I didn’t like it. After three appointments, all of which I left feeling like it had been a waste of time, I decided to stop going. Instead, I switched to Christian counseling, or as they call it “intense discipleship” at my church. It was free and she could meet in the evenings at our church, which is just two minutes from our house — a much better option than what I had before.

As time went on, my appetite came back and my strength returned. I still had pain and/or diarrhea frequently, but it became less and less with each passing day. I would ask Travis all kinds of questions about the experience and learn all kinds of new things that I didn’t know about because of the sedation.

On Feb. 14, my mom went back home, and on Feb. 16, Travis’ aunt Rhonda (the one who started my prayer vigil) came to stay with us for a week. By then, I was able to do a lot more but still needed a lot of rest by the afternoon.

My Last CT Scan

On Feb. 26, I was scheduled to have another CT scan to see if my body was fighting off the infection by itself. I had been praying hard for about two weeks that this scan would show that the infection was completely gone. That I would be healed! I was once again so nervous for this test. Despite the fact that I had done this a zillion times before, I still cried through the whole thing. It wasn’t that I was scared of the actual test — which the technician didn’t seem to understand — I was scared of the results. I needed to release all these emotions.

The results were good, but not as good as I was hoping for. My abscess was gone! However, there were still pockets of infection. My surgeon, as well as my primary care doctor, said I wouldn’t have any more CT scans. They agreed that it would be unnecessary radiation. The only reason I’ll get another is if my symptoms come back and get worse. Otherwise, it seems I will only be getting better.

Where Am I Now?

I think I am very close to being back to normal. My strength and energy and appetite have all completely returned. I lost about 15 pounds when I got out of the hospital, and I’m OK with it not coming back. I don’t really recommend this method for “losing the baby weight” though.

I rarely have to take any pain medication now, and my bowel movements seem to be getting back to normal too. Physically, I’m in a really good place. Mentally, I’m almost there too. As you’ve read, it was a traumatic experience and it has given me some anxiety regarding my health. Add in a worldwide pandemic that is killing thousands of people — yeah, that’s been a fun addition to all this. What a year it has been! But I’m reading the Bible and other books, plus seeing a counselor and spending a lot of time in prayer — God healed me and I know He has a purpose for my life and this story.

We know that in all things God works for good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

The post Sepsis Survivor: The Recovery appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.

Read Part I here.

Read Part II here.

Read Part III here.

Read Part IV here.

Another CT Scan

On Thursday, Jan. 30, they had finally given me medication for my constant diarrhea. It felt like they finally listened to me and realized how much it was affecting me. I kept saying, “you want me to get up and move but how am I supposed to when I keep pooping myself? How am I supposed to get any sleep like this?” Finally, they gave me medication for it, and it helped. What a relief!

I was supposed to have a CT scan that day to determine if the antibiotics and my body were fighting off the infection. The results of this scan would determine if I could go home or not. Both of my doctors were very optimistic and acted like I would be discharged that day or the next. It felt like such an important test, so I felt a lot of pressure. The test was to begin at 8 a.m. I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink, and I started to get grumpy as I waited. I kept asking when they were going to come get me, and they kept telling me they would check on it.

By 11 a.m., the nurse finally told me I would have to drink the contrast. I had never did this before. In all the scans I’d done, they had always just used IV contrast. I was worried about how bad it was going to taste. But I was glad they were making sure they would have the best view of my abdomen. They brought me the contrast and mixed it with water. It felt like there was so much to drink, but at least it didn’t taste as bad as I thought it would. It kind of had a minty flavor to it. By 1 p.m., I had finished the contrast. By the end of it I kept gagging. They told me I would have to wait 45 minutes, but I kept waiting long after that. I was starting to get really mad and worried that I had drank the contrast for nothing. All the nurses just kept saying they would check on it. But it felt like no one was really checking. It was also frustrating because I was hungry and worried about the results of the test. At 2:30, they finally came and got me for the test.

Unfortunately, the CT scan showed that I had developed another abscess — right on top of my bladder. The surgeon said they would need to put another drain in. It took everything I had to hold in my tears until he left the room. And then I just lost it. I sobbed as Travis held me. We went to the bathroom and I cried even more. All I could think about was how the last time I had a drain put in, my body went septic. What if it happened again? I couldn’t bare the though of going back on the ventilator. It was my worst fear.

On Jan. 31, I had my second drain put in. The chaplain, who I gotten to know some during my stay, came and met me in that hallway waiting area. She talked to me to keep my mind off the fear. I hadn’t remembered what having a drain put in was like at all. I had been sedated since then, so I had no recollection of it. I was thankful when the doctor came and explained exactly what he would be doing. But as I laid down and they all began preparing everything, I couldn’t help but cry. I wanted to tell them to just put me to sleep before they did anything else, so I could chill out. Once it was in, they drained 30 ml of fluid from my abscess.

Later that day, I graduated from physical therapy. It was actually kind of crazy because just days before they had been talking about having me do at-home physical therapy or possibly going to rehab. Instead, I was able to make enough progress walking the halls that they were confident I didn’t need those things.

Thankfully, after my drain was put in I didn’t have any complications.

Going Home

The next day, Feb. 1, it was so hard to watch the nurse switch the date on my white board. I had told myself I would be home before February showed up. Instead, I was still in that hospital bed. But that morning, my surgeon signed off on discharging me. I was surprised — happily so. I walked about 300 feet that day. My infectious disease doctor decided to switch me to oral antibiotics, which was a huge relief. We had been told I may have to go home with an IV, but we were having trouble finding a place that did at-home IV transfusions that took our insurance. Plus, who wants to be stuck to an IV with a toddler and baby to care for? After switching me to oral antibiotics, that doctor also signed off on me being discharged.

I was so surprised how fast it was all moving. By noon, my last doctor had signed off for me to be discharged. My nurse took out my IV right away, and Travis started carrying all our stuff out to the car. He couldn’t wait to get out of there! That day we got home, unpacked, and tried to settle into our home again. The next day we would finally reunite with our girls. It had been two weeks without seeing them. We missed them dearly. I was looking forward to getting into a new normal, but I was also nervous about what that new normal would be like.

Reunited as a Family

The day the girls came home, I felt pretty terrible. I had a lot of nausea and a bad headache. I spent about an hour with the girls before I had to go lay down and nap. Travis, despite having already taken so much time off to be with me in the hospital, was able to take a full week off to be home while I recovered. My mom was also able to be there for two weeks to help me while I recovered. After she went back to work, Travis’ aunt came and stayed with us for a week to help.

During that first month, our church family, along with some of Travis’ coworkers, brought us meals every single day. So many people sent cards, gifts, letters, gift cards, came to visit, and most of all prayed for us. We had so much support through this whole journey. We are truly blessed.

Stay tuned for an update on life after the hospital and where I am now.

The post Sepsis Survivor: My Story of Healing (Part V) appeared first on Seeing Sunshine.