Seeking Sanity

Finally Fall

2009-11-08T21:10:00.000-06:00

Finally! The weather finally feels like fall.

This past weekend we had the nicest weather. On Saturday it was about 67 degrees and sunny all day. We immediately took advantage and used every spare minute of that day for outdoor fun.

After we had stopped off at our favorite bakery/coffee shop we headed down to the beach at the shores of Lake Michigan. The waves were especially large that day and all of the surfers came out in full force. I took a ton of photos, but I'll show you those another time.

After we had our fill of watching the surfers we headed out to one of my favorite spots. It is a huge field and woodsy area with a bunch of different walking paths. A great spot to let the boys run wild.

While I was busy getting Grace into her sling the boys played a game of hide and seek in the tall grass.

"Where are the boys?" "There they are!"

After I got Gracie into her sling we were ready to go!

One of the paths we chose had a pretty little bridge with a tiny creek running under it. The boys had a good time throwing stones into the creek, as you would imagine.

They were so happy to be out racing around that they even stopped to let us snap a pic.

They boys found big sticks shaped like rakes and spent much of the time raking the entire path.

It was very tiring and after a while Ben needed a lift.

All the beautiful, multicolored leaves had already fallen off of the trees, but we still had some color. We found some bright red berries here and there.

The sky was a gorgeous blue.

And we even found a bright orange bush or two. Mostly, the boys just had a good time running around in the woods for a couple of hours.

And I was just thankful that I was able to have a little bit of my fall.

Dad-

2009-11-05T13:44:00.006-06:00

The sun is shining today, so that automatically puts me in a good mood. I eye the massive bag of apples atop my counter and figure that now is as good a time as any to start in on my applesauce.

I stand at my sink and peel away at apple after apple. Peel, peel, peel, core, cut, put in the kettle. There are so many apples that it takes me close to an hour. Well, that and the fact that I have to stop about a gazillion times to break up fights, hand out snacks, change diapers, wipe noses, and wipe butts.

Still, the sun is shining in through my windows in heated streams, Frank Sinatra is playing in the background, and the sweet, spicy smell of my apples is filling the whole house. Strangely enough, it is times like these that the hole in my heart feels especially sharp.

It has been too long since I've seen you. I mean, I know that when people die you don't see them anymore. I get that. But, well, I really miss seeing you. I've been missing you so much lately. I'm wondering if it is finally hitting me that you are gone. I won't be seeing you again. And now I'm starting to cry again.

This past week we celebrated All Saints Day at church. Just like every year, the names of all the church members who have passed away in past year were read in front of church. There I sat in my pew, sweating and nervous. Dreading when they would get to your name. And when your name was finally read it felt like a punch in the gut. I cried and cried and didn't even care that the girl in the pew in front of me turned around to stare. Stare away, girlie! I miss my dad.

This year we skipped right over fall. It was never golden and pretty. It was not cool and crisp. It didn't even have that wonderful fall smell. It was dark and dreary and bitter cold. It seems appropriate though, because fall was your absolute favorite time, and without you here to enjoy it what is the point?

There are so many things you have missed, daddy. I have a little girl. Did you know that? I like to think that maybe you already met her, but I don't know. I named her Grace. And she is perfect. I wish you could have met her. And her you. I feel she is really missing out without you here. We all are.

The boys still talk about you. Mostly at night when we are saying prayers. They like to think of you as an angel now, and they sometimes ask you for favors. One night Joey even asked you to "help all the girls stop trying to kiss me". I laughed so hard and I pictured you laughing right along with us. You would be so proud of my boys and so happy to see how much they want to protect their sister. It is very sweet.

We moved too. Remember that neighborhood that you and mom used to walk through all the time? The one right on top of the lake by the woods? Mom said you used to walk down the very street I live on and dream about living here. The house has everything you always wanted. A fireplace, a big backyard, a huge garage. It even feels like we live out in the country because the neighborhood is so quite. You can hear the waves crashing and listen to the geese honking as they come in for a landing over the cliff edge onto the lake. And the other night we had four deer in our yard. This house has your name all over it. I wish you could see it. You would be so happy for us. So excited.

I miss you, dad. I wish you would visit. At least in my dreams every now and then. It has just been too long. Every once in a while I can hear you in my head. The other night when I was irrationally annoyed with mom I heard you say, "Awe, honey. Come on now." Just like you used to do when mom and I would bicker with each other when I was a sassy teenager. It immediately made me smile. And then it widened that hole in my heart and I missed you even more.

Here I thought I was so strong and doing so well. But I guess it is finally hitting me now. Before I was just happy for you. Glad that you were finally released from your body that wasn't working anymore. Grateful that you were not suffering anymore. Now. Now I'm just sad for me.

I found a three page letter that you had written to me when I was in high school. In it you told me how proud of me you were and how much you loved me. It felt so good to read those words from you. Having that letter now means more to me than you could ever have imagined when you wrote it.
You ended the letter with:
"Mom and I both hope and pray for a bright future for you and that you never stray from the right and good path. We have loving concern for you- so very much- our youngest and last of all of our children. You have so much to offer. Please- always- depend on God to help you- to guide you, care for you and to bless you. And give Him your love, praise, adoration, thanksgiving, and support.
God Bless You Honey- I love you very much!! And right now I am choked up. Dad"

Thank you, Daddy. What a gift. I'll end my letter the same way.

God Bless You Daddy- I love you very much!! And right now I am choked up. Kathy

Dare I Say It?

2009-11-04T10:04:00.006-06:00

Up until now I've been too nervous to mention it (well, I'm actually still nervous- hear me knocking on wood?), but for the last three weeks there is a certain smiley little girl that has been SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT.

Oh yes. You heard that right. My baby girl started sleeping through the night at two months! TWO. MONTHS. I'm telling you, this kid is an angel! Such a good girl.

"Who's a good girl?" "Gracie is!"

Oh, October

2009-11-01T14:20:00.002-06:00

Oh, October, where did you go? You have always been one of my favorite months of the year and this year you were no where to be found.

We waited patiently for you to come. Dreams of sunlight streaming through the trees, pumpkin farms, and Halloween night filled our heads. Instead you brought us temps in the 40s, dark, dreary days, howling winds, and torrential rains. We rarely saw the sun, and trips to the pumpkin farm were cancelled over and over again. Our annual leaf pile photos were impossible with the high winds that shook the leaves off the trees before they could turn their true brilliant colors. Not to mention the fact that any leaf piles we could muster were soaking wet.

But we tried. We tried to resume our normal activities though they were much later than we would have liked.

We did make it to the pumpkin farm. The day before Halloween. And all of the pumpkins they had left were rotten. And the pumpkin patch was muddy. And it was 40 degrees, windy, and dreary. But we got there. And somehow we still managed to have fun.

We took plenty of goofy pictures like this: And this:

We managed to get a decent family picture. Everyone was even looking at the camera!

Gracie got her very first pumpkin.

Ben saw some super cute bunnies.

And the boys got a big kick out of all the baby goats.

It was a short trip to the pumpkin farm, and we couldn't do half of the activities there that we normally enjoy, but we still had fun.

I was hoping that you, October, were saving the most beautiful day of the month for the very last day. Halloween. But, you didn't. We woke up to a rainy, cold morning, with 30 mile/hr wind gusts yet again. The boys were nervous that trick or treating would be cancelled, but I reassured them that we would have fun no matter what.

We got all decked out in our fabulous costumes, with 10 layers of clothes underneath.

Grace was a mouse for her very first Halloween. I think she liked it.

Ben was a dalmatian again this year because the costume still fit. And besides, he makes an adorable puppy.

Joey was a vampire. Secretly I wondered if my Twilight obsession was to blame.

And Tommy was once again saving the world as Spiderman.

They made a handsome crew.

It was very cold outside but running from door to door helped to keep us warm. That and the four layers of clothes we had on underneath our costumes. We meet some of our neighbors for the first time and discovered that this neighborhood is very generous at Halloween, which pleased the boys immensely.

After the first few blocks I decided Grace would be warmer next to me so I put her in the sling and hid her inside my jacket. Much better.

The kids were super troopers walking for two hours in the cold and Grace was very patient. But she was clearly relieved when we finally got back home and she was able to eat. She was a hungry and tired little mouse. Though she hid it well.

Yes, we managed to have some fun, no thanks to you, October. Next year I would greatly appreciate it if you could kindly remember that you are supposed to average 65 degrees with no more than 5 or 6 days of rain. I'm just sayin.

And if you could tell November to take it easy on us, that'd be great. Thanks.

The Rest of the Story--- The Reveal Part 2

2009-10-29T07:30:00.007-05:00

Let's resume our tour, shall we? Follow me upstairs.

I know this first picture isn't a great picture but I wanted to show you the chandelier from upstairs and also the wall that was built in place of the old, rickety, low wrought iron railing that used to be there. I love this hallway now, and I don't have to worry about my children falling over the railing. Yeah!

Immediately at the top of the stairs in the master bedroom, but I'm saving that for last, cuz it is my fav. Walk around the hallway and the first room you come to is Grace's room. I probably should have taken new shots of the bedrooms because they now all have curtains and a few more homey touches, but you get the idea. Look! Isn't it pretty? It is a warm peach color that matches perfectly with her bedding set. I love this room. It feels so cozy even though it is pretty large. I still can't believe that I have a girly room in my house. :)

The next room is the kids' bathroom. We painted it a bright blue to look kind of tropical and then had a fishy theme going on. You probably can't see it but the shower curtain is adorable cartoon fish, and the toothbrush holder, kleenex box, soap dispenser, and tumbler is the same set. The boys LOVE IT. I even put their fake fish tank on the sink top and when they take baths we turn off the lights and turn the fish tank on so that they feel like they are "under the sea". Very fun!

Now we are moving on to Joey and Tommy's room. I just took one view of the kids' rooms but where I am standing there are also double closets, which will be a huge bonus as they get older. Looking at it in this picture the room looks kinda small, but it isn't. Lots of room for both boys to play. And the little farts have THE BEST view of the lake. They can wake up in the morning and watch the sun rise over the lake if they want to. Not that they appreciate it now, but maybe when they get bigger?

This is Ben's room. This color green is just gorgeous. I LOVE this room. It actually has so much room that I wasn't sure what to do with all the space. We took Todd's grandma's recliner that used to be in our basement and put it in his room and I think it looks great in there. His dresser went to Grace and I took the dresser from our downstairs bathroom at the old house and put it in his room. Surprisingly it matches really well.

Okay, let's head back around the hallway and go to MY ROOM! It is a really nice size so I took a couple views of it. This view is from the hallway.

This is the view standing in front of our bathroom door. I wanted you to see this view because they built the wall where my dresser is and added a huge walk in closet (I should have taken pics of our closets. They are awesome). I was worried it would make the room feel much smaller, but it really didn't. There used to be sliding doors where the windows are now, but we took them out (because we took away the catwalk that used to be on the outside).

This is the view standing by my dresser. My closet is on the right and the bathroom door is on the left.

Remember the old master bath? If not, please take a minute and check it out here. It was pretty freaking scary. This is the new master bath. We knocked down a few walls (took out a weird closet and a laundry room that was on the other side of the old master bath) and I can't believe how much room that gave us.

Look at my freaking bathtub!!! Not that I've gotten to use it yet.

Opposite the bathtub is the shower. Ooh-la-la! I love this shower. So good.

I never thought I would have a master suite. It is amazing. I can actually take a shower or go to the bathroom without worrying about waking the kids. It is crazy! And I can read in bed at night without thinking that my squeaky floor will disturb the sleeping munchkins. AND, with the awesome curtains I found (Joe and Tommy's room has navy blue, and the rest of the bedrooms have chocolate brown) everyone is sleeping later, which HELLO!, freaking rocks.

So anyway, that is the upstairs. I still could show you the basement which is set up like a movie room and also has the boys' playroom. And I could show you the first floor laundry too, if you like, cause I love my laundry and powder room. Oh, and I still haven't shown you our views of my much loved Lake Michigan. I could do that too! And of course the front and backyard. I'm sure you'll want to see those too. When we finally plant grass, that is. I guess I'll wait on that one.

Needless to say, the house is now feeling like home. Todd and I look at each other every once in a while and say, "Can you believe we live here?" It doesn't seem real. It really makes me smile to think of how we got here (we lost the bid on that first house and I was devastated, remember?), and how it all just fell into place. I guess that is just how life works sometimes.

Blessed

2009-10-25T15:52:00.002-05:00

Today was your special day, angel. You got dressed up all pretty in your beautiful gown, your fancy shoes, and your sweet little bonnet and went to church. You slept all throughout mass, and woke up smiley and precious as ever. You looked right at Father and listened as he read the blessing to you. You squinted and shook your head as he poured the holy water on your head, but you never cried. You were all smiles.
I was so proud to hold you. So proud of my little girl. So proud to let everyone know that you are not only my child, but a child of God too.

All too soon your baptism was over. You handled it all perfectly. Even the car ride home.

I hung up your special dress and realized that this day, just like so many other days in your life, had come and gone too quickly. Yet another reminder to cherish every moment I have with you.

I am so proud of you, Grace. I love you more than words can say. Congratulations, and God Bless You.

Oh Brother

2009-10-22T06:10:00.003-05:00

The boys love having Grace as their little sister. They are truly smitten with her. They fight over who gets to hold her and run to see her first thing in the morning. They tell us over and over again how they got the best baby in the whole world, that they never thought they would get such a wonderful baby, and that she is the prettiest thing they have ever seen. They are in love.

Just this morning Tommy got up and told me he had the best dream last night. He said that he dreamt he took Grace hunting in the woods up north. He was carrying her around and talking to her and when he had to set her down on the ground he put a blanket down first so that her pretty clothes wouldn't get dirty. Such a sweet boy even in his dreams.

Ben is constantly telling anyone who will listen that Grace is HIS baby. You'd better agree with him too, or watch out! That boy loves his little sister. Every time he is close to her he is gritting his teeth and clenching his fists to keep from squeezing her too hard.

And then of course there is Joey. Yesterday Joey was telling us how he was going to take Grace out for coffee and to the movies when she gets older. We smiled and told him how nice that was and Todd jokingly added, "You'll have to go with her when she has dates too."

Joey said, "What do you mean?"

I clarified, "Well, when a boy wants to take Grace out on a date you or Tommy or Ben will have to chaperon and make sure the boy is nice to her."

Joey was shocked and furious when he yelled, "Are you KIDDING me? I'm not gonna let some boy go out with Grace!"

I laughed so hard I could barely squeak out the "Good boy, Joe!"

Then I looked down at Grace who was sitting sweetly on my lap and I said, "Good luck, sweetheart!"

The Reveal- Part 1

2009-10-19T09:02:00.008-05:00

Okay, I think you have all waited long enough. I finally have some pictures of our new house for you. Mind you, we don't have any pictures hung or any window treatments, but other than that I think it is pretty much done.

Before you view these pictures I suggest you go back and look at this post so you can fully appreciate how HIDEOUS the house was before. :)

This is the outside of the house. It used to be all white with white brick. We hated that. We also added gables over the front left windows and the garage to make it more visually appealing. We have our landscaping done except for the grass. I'm not sure we will be able to fit that in this year since it has gotten so cold so fast. Grrr. But at least the boys have this huge brand new driveway to play in (if it ever stops raining). Yeah!
You walk in the front door and this is the view. Remember the heinous crystal chandelier? Yeah, that wasn't our style. We took that down, painted the iron railing and tore off all the nasty wallpaper. It makes a huge difference. This chandelier is also on a dimmer switch and makes for such beautiful mood lighting when you walk in at night. Ooooo.

This is my kitchen. I LOVE IT. I am so happy about it I could cry. It is huge. And we have a kitchen table! That is so exciting for us I can't even tell you. It is so nice to eat dinner (and breakfast and lunch too) around the kitchen table every night. This view is from the living room looking into the kitchen. You can't see from this view but on the other side of the fridge there are three huge pantry doors. Oh how I love my storage. Also, the patio doors are just out of view on the right hand side.

Now we are looking at the living room from the kitchen. I realize now that I should have adjusted the light on this pic a bit because the light washes out the color of the room. It is a real mellow yellow throughout the kitchen and living room. It makes everything so warm and cozy. Remember the ugly wall of stone where the fireplace is? We riped that crazy stuff out and also knocked down a wall to the right of the room to make it all bigger. It worked great! It isn't the largest living room around (plus we have a massive family room down in the basement for the boys to spread out in) but I actually prefer the cozy feel. I love this room.

The door on the right side of the room takes you to my laundry room, a half bath (which I didn't get a picture of because while I love the tile we chose the rooms really aren't that exciting) and the garage.

This is our dining room. It is massive. I don't even have furniture to fill up the room. Eventually we will get a buffet table or something but for now this will do. The chandelier here matches the one in the hallway (which is where I was standing to take this pic).

Here is my beloved library. There is a lovely, large window to the right just out of frame with a lovely seat next to it. I couldn't get it all in the frame and didn't want to upload too many pics cause Blogger is so slow. I love this room!

That concludes the tour of the first floor. I will take you upstairs to the bedrooms (I have a PINK one now!) and bathrooms later this week.

So, what do you think so far? I am definitely loving it.

Talking It Out

2009-10-14T09:15:00.003-05:00

Well. You are all just amazing. What seriously lovely, wonderful, supportive people you are. I honestly started feeling better shortly after posting on Sunday and reading your comments. I talked to Todd about my sorry state and of course he was very supportive. I'm sure this is just the baby blues, I've had it after each of my children were born, but it was compounded by everything else going on.

And, of course, you were all right. Talking about it made all the difference in the world. I feel so much more like myself again. Still a bit stressed, but definitely able to handle it, and certainly not alone. Whew.

I felt so good that this morning I took a bunch of pictures of the house to post for you all later this week. I know you have been waiting to see the results. The landscapers are still hard at work so our yard looks like a big mudball, and we still have a big dumpster in our front yard, but it is coming together. I think the fence in the backyard will even be finished this weekend. I guess I'll just save the outside pictures for another time, perhaps.

So anyway, what I really wanted to say was "THANK YOU" all for being so kind. I appreciate your advice and prayers so much. They really did make a difference. What a gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

And on that note, Grace just woke up. Gotta go!

The Dark Side

2009-10-11T08:53:00.002-05:00

We are all moved in. Obviously. We were all moved in two Sundays ago and I had pretty much all the boxes unpacked in the first few days. We still have a garage full of things to be stored somewhere. We just aren't sure where as yet.

The house is gorgeous. A dream come true. And yet, it doesn't feel like home to me. I don't know why. It could just be my mood right now. I'm struggling. Which is why I haven't written for so long.

I feel a bit lost. I don't know if it has just been too much going on for too long without any breaks or what. But I'm feeling it. I'm afraid I'm a bit depressed. Just writing that down makes me want to cry because I feel so guilty even admitting that. What the hell do I have to be depressed about? Spoiled little brat.

I don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm kind of alone. Or at least that is how I feel. I am always the strong one. I can handle anything. I take care of everyone. But for some reason I feel I am in a hole. A big, dark hole. And no one really expects that of me. That is not who I am. Know what I mean?

Anyway.

I'm working to pull myself out of it. And until I feel a bit more like myself I am staying away from this blog. Hope you are all well.

Moving Forward

2009-09-26T19:49:00.003-05:00

We are packing up our house and moving this weekend. I can't believe that after over three months we will finally be moving into our wonderful dream home. It is very exciting. And a bit overwhelming.

I have never moved this much stuff before. I've only moved from apartments where I had next to nothing. This is crazy. I don't ever want to do it again. Especially while taking care of a 6, 4, 2 year old and a newborn. Because that is just plain loony. Seriously. Lock me up now.

Luckily we have the help of our awesome families. My sis and sis in law are doing much of the boxing up because it is a bit difficult to do anything with a 6 week old attached to me. And my mother in law is taking the boys all day tomorrow so that should help too. Hooray! Still. Moving really sucks. Remind me to NEVER do it again.

The boys seem to be a bit stressed about it. Tommy woke up from his nap today crying hysterically that he didn't want to leave this house. My dear, sweet, emotional boy. I completely understand. I must remember too that this could be pretty traumatic to my boys, watching as we pack up our life and leave behind the only house they've ever known.

I thought I was so done with this house and being in limbo that I wouldn't even get emotional about it, but I was wrong. There are just so many wonderful memories that I was silly to think I would feel anything but melancholy about the whole move. Yes, of course I am very excited to get into the new house, but I've loved this house. This home. What a wonderful, warm, cozy, haven this house has been for us. In the good times and the bad.

The boys took their last bath in our beloved clawfoot tub last night. After it was done and the boys were in bed I cried. I understand this is just a house, and that we make it a home, as we will do with the new house. But it also signifies a closed chapter in our lives. A sweet, gorgeous, happy chapter. And though we will have many more fabulous memories to make in the new house, it is hard to say goodbye.

So, my friends, please forgive me if I am missing from bloggy land for a while. I will be busy packing, moving, unpacking, and wiping a few tears. I will get the pictures of the new house up on my blog as soon as we are settled in and Todd has my computer hooked up again.

See you soon!

I'm A Babywearer

2009-09-21T06:13:00.001-05:00

In support of National Babywearing Week I thought I would post a pic of Grace and I. I just love wearing Grace, and clearly she loves it too. The minute I put her in the sling she is out like a light. And it is such a lifesaver. I wouldn't be able to take the boys to the park or even make their lunches some days if it weren't for my sling.

Let's hear it for babywearing!

Sleep, Sweet Sleep

2009-09-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like a sleeping baby to make me all swooney. Especially my precious, sleeping baby.

*sigh*

One Month

2009-09-15T00:00:00.001-05:00

Grace,

In just one short month you have managed to capture our hearts. Your big brothers adore you. Your daddy is smitten. And I feel like you have been with me all my life. A little angel that has come to life. You are a dream come true. An answer to all of our prayers.

You have grown so much, and have accomplished so much for such a young lady. You've been to the county fair. You've been to church, school, and all the local parks. You have had your first bath, your first smile, and you can hold your head up like a champ. You eat like a pro and are gaining weight like a good little girl. And just recently you slept for 5 and a half hours in a row at night. Thank you.

But more than all of that you are Grace. I can't believe I have my baby Grace. I knew that was the perfect name for you the minute I saw you. You are patient and sweet. You are engaging and social. You are like sunshine. Everyone melts in your warmth. You are all smiles all the time. You have so quickly become a part of this family that it is difficult to remember a time when you were not with us. Perhaps because you were always in our hearts. What a blessing you are.

Happy one month birthday, darling. It has been one absolutely precious month to me.

Thank you, Grace, for being my little girl. I love you so much.

Love,

Your Mumma

Holy Frigging Crap!

2009-09-14T08:30:00.003-05:00

Could I BE more excited?

I think I may have just peed my pants a little.

Busy, Busy, Busy!

2009-09-13T07:05:00.002-05:00

Life has been busy, busy, busy around here and blogging (and showering, and eating, and showering) has now taken a backseat to feeding, clothing, and entertaining four little ones. Some days it is all I can do to get the boys to school on time and then remember to pick them up at their separate times. Ugh.

My mom pointed out that "they" (the experts?) always say the four most stressful things in life are 1- death of a loved one, 2- moving or building a house 3- having a baby and 4- going through a divorce. We have gone through 3 of the 4 in the last couple of months, and we are working hard not to lead to number 4. Ha! I have had a few meltdowns, but for the most part Todd and I have been a strong team all along. I know some day we will look back on this time in our lives and wonder how in the H-E-L-L we ever made it through.

The days are moving at ultra lightening speed and in less than two weeks we should be in our new house. I can hardly believe it. It doesn't seem real. Friends and family members have been helping us with the painting and staining this weekend and all of the lighting fixtures and faucets are going in too. It is starting to really look like a home now. The boys are getting so excited seeing their new rooms begin to look like actual bedrooms. Yet they still are sad to leave this house. I know the feeling.

It is funny to me that the one thing I worried about most, having Grace sleep in my room with me, has actually turned out to be a blessing. Sure, Todd has been sleeping on the couch for the last four weeks because he doesn't want to wake us up when he has to get up early (or during one of his hacking fits that has seemed to hang on for the last few weeks), and we thought one of us should try and get a bit of sleep during the night. But overall, it has gone really well. It helps that Grace is turning out to be the most pleasant baby on the face of the planet. She rarely cries unless completely famished. Even when she gets up in the middle of the night and I strip her down and change her wet clothes she just lies their and smiles at me instead of wailing and crying. Such a good girl. The boys have rarely been woken up by her cries at night.

Yes, God had it all planned out long ago. The timing of the move has turned out to be perfect. Of course. I don't know why I ever doubted. Yes, life has been really crazy around here for quite some time. But it is just as it should be. And I am so grateful.

A Good Reminder

2009-09-01T16:28:00.003-05:00

Today was Grace's two week check up at the doctor's office. I knew she was doing well, but to hear that she has already gained over a pound and a half since she left the hospital has me pretty giddy. I did laugh out loud when the nurse asked how well Grace is sleeping at night. I mean come on. I don't think they should even ask that right now. She is a newborn. Isn't it just assumed that newborns don't sleep much? Well, I suppose that isn't fair. She does have a three hour stretch now and then. That has to count for something.

Life has been nutty around here. Not just the sleep deprivation but also trying to get the new house finished up so that we can be out of here in a few weeks. Todd has been over there every waking moment painting and staining. We have been short a daddy around here, and the boys have been punishing me for it. Throw in a new school schedule and some puking boys and we have a grand ole time on our hands.

Still. I'm not complaining. I'm really not.

Today has been a very good reminder of just how fast time passes us by. It seems like just yesterday Joey was having his two week check up and today he started first grade. He looked so grown up and so little all at the same time. The whole family ushered him into school and to his classroom. It was quite the parade.
So, life may be crazy, and at times it may seem unmanageable, but I'll take it. And I'll not wish it away. I'll take the sleep deprivation as it comes. Because all too soon Tommy (and then Ben, and then Grace) will be starting 1st grade, and then before I know it my babies will be off to college.

Living La Vida Loca

2009-08-25T16:56:00.006-05:00

I don't think this is exactly what Ricky Martin was talking about when he sang his hit song, but it immediately pops into my head when I think about the last week and a half.

I don't have the energy to tell you about this past week. I'll just say that it has been wonderfully busy. I try not to think about tomorrow, or next week, and instead focus on today, and this very hour. It is a little less stressful that way.

However, we haven't gotten away with that at all times as we had to pack up all of our monkeys to go to the store to go school shopping. That was fun. We were quite the spectacle all my handsome boys and pretty girl dressed in Packer gear. They had so many admirers. That made the shopping trip bearable. And I must say it was a very cool feeling looking behind me in the minivan and seeing all the seats full.

To quench your thirst for more baby pics I've left you with a few that sum up our week. Please note I do not have any pictures of me sleeping. ;)

We did lots of cuddling.
Gracie tried out her new (old) swing.

The boys took turns fighting over who would get to hold Gracie next. This time Tommy won out. As you can see he was thrilled. Look at those cute Packer fans. More snuggle time with daddy.

Showing off her pretty pink ladybug outfit.

Lots of burping.

And of course, more snuggling.

Yes. My life is full. Beautifully, wonderfully full.

The First Week

2009-08-21T08:42:00.003-05:00

The first full week at home is already over. Time is flying even faster than before. Life is so crazy busy that the woman who never puts her camera down has had zero time to even pick it up. And though the week included a sick Tommy, a sicker Ben, round the clock every half hour pooping from Grace, sleepless nights, emergencies at the new house, extreme pain on my part, and a bit of an emotional breakdown or two by yours truly, it has been a blessed week.

The boys are so in love with their little sister. It is such a beautiful thing to see. She seems to be just as smitten with them, looking at them and paying such attention to their affections.

Grace is such a little lady. She seems to be patient and mild mannered so far, which is greatly appreciated by me in the middle of the night. When she does wake up she lets out little cries and saves the loud screams for extreme hunger. She is quite the little lady. I'm afraid she already has us all wrapped around her little finger.

Todd was able to get a couple of days off of work and made life so much easier for me. It was so wonderful having him home with us. He did have to go back to work yesterday, but the day still managed to go fairly smoothly, thank heavens.

In short, life is good. I am riding a huge wave of love. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be so blessed. Surrounded by such love. I think I may just be the luckiest lady in the world.

She's Here

2009-08-17T15:02:00.003-05:00

The first time I've ever labored longer than 7 hours (16 to be exact).

The first time I've ever cussed like a sailor during delivery (I am so embarrassed).

The first time one of my babies has come out on the very first long, hard push.

The first time one of my babies has had a full head of hair.

The first time one of my babies has had a full head of black hair.

The first time I've ever fallen in love with a little girl.

On Saturday, August 15, 2009 at 9:59 p.m. God graced us with Grace Marie.
She weighed 7lbs 12 oz, and is 20 1/2 inches long.

Her brothers are deeply smitten with their little sister.

And daddy was so impressed that she waited to make her entrance until after the Packer preseason game was over.

We are all back home now. Resting (somewhat) comfortably. Thanking God for this wonderful gift and knowing that life really doesn't get better than this.

Here We Go!

2009-08-15T15:39:00.003-05:00

We are leaving for the hospital in a few minutes.

I have been having light contractions since 6 o'clock this morning, and they are finally picking up. They have been about five minutes apart all day, but they were not that painful. Todd, my mom, the boys and I even went for an hour long walk before lunch to try and move things along. I think it helped a bit, but the contractions have just recently gotten painful and closer together. So, we figured it was time to hit the road.

Say a little prayer, and I'll update you when I can. :)

I'm. Still. Here.

2009-08-13T22:49:00.005-05:00

Nope. Still no baby.

I know many of you have been wondering if I am in the hospital right now so I thought I'd update you all. I'm still here. No baby.

(sigh)

The good news is that my face is getting fat. Todd told me as much this morning. He said, "Your face is definitely looking bigger." And you know what? I wasn't even insulted. Todd and I have come to the conclusion that my face gets very swollen on the day I go into labor. We never really noticed it until we were looking back at all of our hospital pictures and videos. So, now we are watching closely for it. Apparently, my face looks especially fat today. Yeah! And who knows, it may be even BIGGER tomorrow. So exciting.

The boys are beyond anxious. They are constantly talking into my belly button (what is it a microphone or something?) telling baby girl she should come out now. They tell her how much they love her and how they can't wait to hold her. Now what girl could resist that? So sweet.

And then the other day Tommy told me he thinks I should be thin again. Yeah. I'll see what I can do about that, you little neanderthal. Of course the boys later made up for that comment by telling me that I'm really not THAT big, and that they still think I'm beautiful. Aww. Sweet little liars. They must be able to tell how fragile I am right now because they have been especially good at stroking mommy's ego these last few days.

In the meantime I've thrown all caution to the wind with taking it easy. I have been taking the boys on super long walks and prepping the house like a crazy woman. Cleaning sheets, baking, sweeping floors, grocery shopping. It's all done. Cuz, I mean, this baby HAS to come sometime soon, right? She can't stay in my belly forever. Right? RIGHT???

Anywho, I will keep you all posted if anything of note happens. And if any of my IRL friends and family are reading this, don't call me, I'll call you. Picking up the phone every few minutes to answer the questions, "Baby isn't here YET?" and "When IS she coming?" has done nothing to improve my mood. Thanks.

DUE

2009-08-12T08:51:00.009-05:00

Stick a fork in me, I'm DONE!

Or maybe not.

Here we are. We have arrived at the baby's due date, and still no baby. We went to the doctor and apparently, I am no closer to having this baby than I was two weeks ago. I mean, technically I suppose I am, but I'm still not dilated or effaced. Ho-hum.

I would REALLY appreciate it if baby girl could find a way to make her grand entrance SOON. You see, Todd has worked very hard to try and clear his work schedule so that he can have at least a few days at home with us when baby arrives. He has attempted this with each birth of our children and because they were either early or late I have never had Todd home with me for more than a half a day after baby arrived. This time he cleared (mostly cleared) his schedule for a larger amount of time, and it is still running out. Next week his schedule will pick up again. When you are self employed (meaning, no work= no paycheck) there is no such thing as family leave or extended vacations. He is starting to panic. He really, really would love to be able to spend some quality time with his boys and his new baby girl and be able to help me out when I am fresh out of the hospital. And I know I would certainly welcome his help. So, if you have any extra prayers y'all could send out for us to have this baby ASAP that would be great.

And I think I can finally say that I am done with this pregnancy. Up until now I have been content to wait it out because I really do love being pregnant, but my excitement at finally seeing baby girl has taken over my love of this pregnancy. Well, that and I would really love to be able to feel my fingers again. Swollen feet and hands, aching back, stuffy nose, uncomfortable sleep. I mean, I know it all sounds fun and glamorous, but I'm willing to give it up for baby girl. ;)

I have always believed that when baby is ready to come, the baby will come. I don't really think that there is anything you can do to make a baby to come before he/she is ready. Besides, I have already tried all the "recommended" old wives tales on getting your baby out when I was late with Ben. You know, spicy foods, sex, foot rubs, long walks, blah, blah, blah. None of it worked. Do you have anything that has definitely worked for you? I may just be willing to give it another shot. You know, just in case.

So anywho, here is the last (hopefully) shot of the baby belly. This is me at TEN months. DUE DATE!
P.S. - Sorry about teasing you all with that last post title. It seemed to really miff a few of you. I loved Dysfunctional Mom's comment - " *GLARE* The end of your pregnancy is obviously making you MEAN!!!:P~~ ". Hehehe. What can I say? A girl's gotta have some fun, right? ;)

Finally!

2009-08-09T13:27:00.003-05:00

We have been waiting all summer long for some real hot weather and we finally are getting it this week. Today is supposed to hover around 100 degrees, the air thick with humidity. Normally you would think that a woman who could go into labor at any second would not want this kind of heat, but seeing how this summer has been mostly around the low 70s, I'm welcoming the heat. Of course, it did make mass rather difficult this morning as our huge, old church does not have air conditioning. I thought for one brief moment that I was actually seeing Jesus, but I managed to plow through and not pass out for the whole hour.

If the thunderstorms can hold off the boys will actually get a chance to play in their pudgie pool this afternoon. I really hope they can, because I wouldn't mind sitting in some cold water right now too.

Hmm. I just read my title over and realized I probably had you all thinking that baby is finally here. Hehe. Sorry. She did manage to wait until Todd got back home (thankfully) but I think she is planning on waiting a bit longer than that now. So far I haven't felt much in the way of contractions so it may be a few days yet. Which is fine by me. Whenever she is ready. I know I am very uncomfortable right now and everything, but I can definitely put off labor for a while longer. Oh yes. And sleep deprivation too. I am savoring these last few "lazy" days while I've got them. But I promise to keep you all updated as soon as I start to suspect changes.

For now I am going to take a little snooze on the couch while the boys are napping and then hopefully dip my tootsies in the boys' pool a little later. I may even treat myself to some ice tea to celebrate the heat. Woohoo! Let's hear it for summer!

Keeping My Legs Tightly Crossed

2009-08-07T08:02:00.007-05:00

Todd is out of town all day today and won't be back until tomorrow. He is going to be an hour and a half away staining all of the woodwork that will be going in the new house. Though I know the staining has to be done this weekend for the construction project to remain on schedule I must admit that I am a little freaked out.

As you may have read here, my labors are all pretty quick. I'm a little concerned that if baby decides to come between now and tomorrow Todd may miss the birth.

I did have a doctor's appointment yesterday and was told that I am still not dilated. I was pretty happy hearing that until the doctor said that it could just mean that I will go from 0 cm to delivering in no time at all since I have a history of quick labors. Hmm. Not good.

So, today I am taking it as easy as possible. No long walks with the boys, no chasing after them at the park, no bike rides, no running errands, and no cleaning. I think I will park my buns on the couch and keep my legs tightly crossed for the remainder of the day. Besides, I don't mind soaking up these last days of my last pregnancy. I have to take advantage of my lovely cup holder while I've got it.

(Please excuse the tired expression, the ratty top, the bedhead, and the glasses. I just woke up.)

In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed that baby waits to make her grand entrance until at least Saturday evening.