Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/olibac/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

Today I’d like to talk to you about your “comfort zones”.

• Where do they come from? 
• What defines this zone? 
• Where are these boundaries?
• How can we break free of these illusions? 

If you notice in the last question I used the word “illusion”.  That’s all they really are, just a figment of our limited imagination.

And I don’t want you to take me word for it.  Whatever you read on this blog, never take my word for anything.  Look in your own direct experience.  This is where true change comes from. 

Sometimes we have tendencies to believe people on their word or because we think we don’t know what to do.  I’m here to tell you, never believe an opinion without truly checking for yourself.  You already know everything you need.

So, what are some things examples of comfort zones?

• Not approaching a man or woman whom you are interested in because you’re comfortable waiting for them to approach you
• Staying home on a Saturday night when what you really want to do is go out and make friends
• Working at a job you hate because you feel like “I have no other choice”
• Staying in a destructive relationship because you’re not sure if there’s anyone better out there for you

Some of the above may not seem like comfort zones.  They may be what you’re calling reality or that’s the way life is or how about “That’s who I am!” 

But if you look closely, every example above has some sort of comfort in it. 

Let's take a look:

Situation: Not approaching someone

Comfort:  Knowing that by not approaching someone you’ll never get rejected, be embarrassed or humiliated.  So you stay to yourself.

Situation:  Working a job you hate

Comfort:  Not being disappointed.  There’s comfort in not going after what you really want.  You’ll never get disappointed.  You’ll never “fail”.

Situation:  Staying in a relationship you don’t want anymore

Comfort:  There’s no need to start all over.  No need to take a chance and be alone.  There’s comfort in knowing “At least I have someone”

The situations and comfort zones that I have mentioned above are not to take to heart.  They’re just some examples so you can check and see where you’ve developed comfort zones yourself.

What are some of your comfort zones?

Take a look at the comforts that I’ve mentioned.  Do you see any similarities?  Can you find any commonalities between them?

How about, wanting security? 

Wanting to be loved? 

We all have a need to be secure and to be loved.  Many times in our lives we can fall victim to limitations by not going after what we want.  By staying in a place of security.   

Stay tuned to the next part of this article where I show you some simple techniques to help you broke these barriers and live your life.

Rishi Pathani

Beyond Approval and Limitations

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/47736146@N08/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

How do you judge a person’s actions?

Is it by the way their actions impact you? Or, is it by the true nature of their intentions?

I used to get very anger at my father for scolding me when I did something “wrong”.   He never really asked me why I did what I did.  It was just understood, if an action was taken which was not in line with his beliefs…

It was wrong.

At the time he was a jerk in my eyes.  His actions never made sense to me.  Why is it that I had to follow his rules?  Keep in mind I was in my teens, so rebellion was running thru my veins.  But I still needed to know why.

I never really got an answer I liked.  It was always something like “You won’t understand”, “When you have children, you’ll know why”

I wasn’t thinking about kids!  I was a growing teenager who wanted to be free.  Free to make his own choices.  My angry continued for years.

Let’s fast forward to the present day…

I have immense respect for my father.  He wasn’t grounding me because he liked it.  He did what he did because he loved me and he didn’t know any other way to express his intentions.

His intention was to keep me safe, to protect me and to help me grow into manhood.  Period.  Not to make me suffer or to be a dictator (I have to admit Hitler came to mind many times when I’d think of him). 

How I came to this realization?

Growing up, you see many things.  You experience so much, that sometimes you start to question things.  I started questioning why I had so many arguments and disagreements in my relationships.  Regardless of who the person was, family, friends and/or co-workers.

In the beginning I used to blame the other person.  But as the fights started to become more frequent, I started to reflect a bit.

I started looking within myself, rather than finding the faults in others.  I discovered that I never fully understood or appreciated the other person’s point of view.  I never understood why they said what they said or did what they did.

Other people have a perspective too?!

Everyone has belief systems.  This is how we function on a day-to-day level.  In my father’s case, he believed that hard work and discipline was the only way to survive.  And as his son, who he loves, I had to have those qualities in order to be safe.

Now, I knew his beliefs but what I didn’t understand was why he wanted me to have the same beliefs.  But the thing was, he didn’t want me to be like him.  All he wanted was for me to be safe.  His intention was “wanting his son to be safe”. 

But all I could see was his wanting to control me.  And I hated him for it. 

Why it’s crucial to look at the intentions, not the actions

Once we can understand/see a person’s intentions, it can clear up a lot of misunderstandings.  It eliminates all the anger and resentment that can develop in a relationship.  Also clear up any questions or confusion about that person’s actions.

Why is she/he behaving so viciously?

What is the matter with them, can’t they just chill out?           

How do I resolve this issue?

The true nature of a person is always good.  Unfortunately it can seem bad because we’re looking at it from our own perspective.  Sometimes we forget to see that every relationship has two sides.

This in no way means that you should agree with everything someone says or does.  Not in the least.  But this tool will help you act instead of becoming a victim to reacting. 

So I ask you…

Who in your life have you judge based on their actions?

Why do you think they did what they did?

If you take your own biases out of the picture, how does the picture change?

You’ll be astounded by the peace you get by asking yourself these questions.

Rishi Pathani

Watching and Learning

Bill Harris, Founder of Centerpointe

I’ve been a Holosync user now for two years.  And I am writing this post to share with you the remarkable gains that I have received.  And hopefully you can benefit from this tool as well.

1.  Increase in awareness

You ever wonder why you do the things that you do?  Or have you ever regretted your actions at a later time?

When you can increase your awareness to the point where you are conscious of your actions, whatever doesn’t serve you falls away.  You cannot do things that don’t serve you, consciously.  Which just means that you can’t harm yourself if you’re aware of it. 

So if drinking too much is a problem but you only remember after you wake up with a hang over, then you weren’t conscious of it while you were drinking.  Increasing your awareness can help you consciously know when you’ve had a few too many.

Click Here Find Out More…

2. Reduction in stress levels

Since I have been using Holosync, my blood pressure has returned to normal levels.  Coming from a former career of day trading stocks for a living, this was quite an accomplishment. 

I was on the verge of needing prescription medication.  But with my daily meditations, I was able to avoid the curse of Big Pharma.

3.  Improvement in emotional health

I had no idea how much my emotions ran my life before Holosync.  Because of my increased awareness I was able to see how I was falling victim to my emotions. 

Getting anger at everyone after a hard day at the office.  Or not wanting to speak to people because I felt depressed, were just two of my tendencies.  The meditations helped me evaporate these destructive habits and now I am able to take control of my life.

Click Here To Increase Your Awareness

4.  Improved focus and concentration

If you combine the benefits from the increased awareness with the improvement in emotional health, the by-product was improved focus and concentration.

I was able to be more productive when I was at work and be more present when I was with my family.  Before Centerpointe came along I was all over the place.  I wasn’t able to take advantage of the precious moments of my life. 

5.  Taking correct action becomes easier

Now that I had cleared away all the cobwebs from my head, taking correct action and making the right decisions in all aspects of my life was so much easier.  The fog had disappeared.  There was more clarity and confidence in everything I did.

The only thing is, I can write to you about all of these benefits because I use Holosync.  I would have never been able to take advantage of these benefits if I had never tried it for myself. 

Take Advantage Of All Holosync Has To Offer, Click Here…

Rishi Pathani

We Live We Grow

Ask yourself these questions:

• How do I go about defining success?
• Is it the dollar amount I have in my checking account? 
• How about the number of acres of land I own? 

Maybe success for you is defined by the amount of love you give and receive.  Either way, most people will tell you what’s right and what’s wrong from their prospective.  And we say to ourselves “You know what they’re right…” 

And we start to lead our lives as if what they recommended was a “rule” or a “law”.  They’re not right or wrong in telling you their opinions.  The problem comes when you claim someone else’s idea of success as our own. 

We never question our actions or ambitions for a particular goal.  Or maybe I’m just full of hot air and you know exactly what and why you want, the things what you want.  If so then you can stop reading the rest of this article.

If not then…

Understand, what I’m asking you to do.  I’m asking you to question, what success means to you.  Not what the magazines or prime time television tell/show you what success should look like.  Not what your parents, friends, neighbors or anyone else says but what it means for you.

• What would success look like?
• How would you feel?
• What would you be doing?
• What kind of people would you be surrounded with?

My Idea of Success

Success for me is waking up between 6 and 7 am, making breakfast for the family.  Eating with them before the kids go off to school and the misses starts her day.  Then hitting the gym for an hour to get myself energized.  From 11 am to 3 pm I’d work on my blog and coach my clients to live much happier and fulfilling lives. 

Then around 3:30 the kids would come home…

You get the point. 

It’s not about me right now.  It’s about you.

Also, before I forget, always remember that nothing is written in stone.  Your definition of success might change as you live your life.  That’s normal and natural.

But we need a starting point which is “yours”.  Not someone else’s. 

What Should You Expect? 

Nothing might come up when you first start to ask yourself these questions.  And that’s fine.  Just keep asking.  As you do you’ll start to question why you’re doing certain things in your life.  That’s where the AH HA’s come into play.

This is where your time spent on reflecting pays off.  The fruits of your curiosity come to light.  Maybe you encounter some limiting beliefs or realizations of why you’re striving for something you don’t want. 

Or maybe what you’re aiming for truly is yours and this exercise was a reaffirmation.  Either way, you get clarity.

Share your dream life; I’d love to read what you’ve come up with.

Rishi Pathani

We Live We Learn

I’m writing to you today in the hopes of bettering your lives.  But I am confused as to what to say…

Should I write about the “5 Best Ways to Be Productive” or how about “10 Habits You MUST Have to Be Successful”, maybe “Top 100 Lessons of Life”

There are millions of things to write about, yet I have nothing…

And the only reason is because I don’t think you need anything more than what you already have inside of you.  We all have the capabilities to be or have anything we want.  The only problem is we believe our “limitations” are real.  We become identified with them.  We begin to think those limitations are what/who we are.

Is This True?, Do You Really Believe This?

I’m here to tell you that they’re not.  You are more than you could possibly fathom.  You’re a limitless flow of energy, ideas and abundance.  The only thing is you’re blinded by your mind. 

And this isn’t a problem.

The mind is not our enemy.  We just need to understand its job.  Its only function is to solve problems, objectively.   So if you’re keeping in mind how bad things are, then the mind will provide you with evidence to validate “how bad things are”. 

Always Keep This In Mind…

I need you to always remember, there’s no such thing as a problem.  Only situations.  Think about it for a second…

If you didn’t know how the temperature “hot” felt, then how in the world would you know what “cold “feels like?

We live in a dualistic world, where we need to know the opposite of something in order to “know “ the existence of that thing.   I hope I haven’t confused you too much. 

I mention this only to point out my previous statement.  There are no such things as problems, only situations.

Here Are Some Examples…

In order for something to be a problem you have to have been taught that it’s a problem.  Follow me here…

As a young child you were taught that yelling and screaming in public is wrong.   For most children they were either scolded upon for yelling or were “disciplined” in some way.  (“Discipline” I always found that word interesting, yet so misleading) 

Now, as a child what did you learn here?

• Screaming in public makes us bad/wrong
• My mom/dad don’t like me
• I have to try harder to make my parents love me
• I should never disobey my parents
• And the list can go on forever…

This is in no means a judgment or insult to parents.  They’re intentions are good.  It’s the interpretation, which our mind provides us that I’d like to point out.   Can you see where I’m going with this?

All of the so called problems we have in our lives, we’ve been taught that they’re problems.  We’ve been told…

• If a woman makes more money than a man it’s wrong
• Being a good parent is always having your kids in check
• Not having the best car or house makes you unsuccessful
• Being single after age X means you’re over the hill

Or whatever your idea of a problem is.

The Reality Of It All…

It’s all BULLSHIT!

The only problem you have is that you believe these imaginary beliefs and limitations.  (This too is not really a problem it’s a situation.  But I think you get my point)

I have some homework for you…

• Write out a list of “problems” which are overwhelming you.
• Then examine them, look at them for what they really are
• Then think of a the exact opposite of that problem
• Now examine this part and see if your “problem” would exist if the opposite didn’t (remember the hot, cold example I gave you above?)

Just by doing this, I am confident that you will be able to put things into perspective and give yourself the freedom to take appropriate action to change the situation.   Only if needed.  Some things you’ll notice, you’re giving too much energy to and by recognizing that the problem will fall away on it’s own.

Live your life…

Rishi Pathani

We Live, We Learn

Working out for 2 hours a day for a week only to end up quitting after two weeks

Eating healthy at every meal only to get bored after a few days or weeks

Reading a self improvement book and using the tools for a week or two then reading another book because “The other book was bull$%#, it didn’t work”

What do all these events have in common?

They’re examples of habits we humans can have when we really, really want something bad and we expect it NOW! 

We become blind to reality.  Our expectations come from this hairy fairy magical kingdom.  Our imaginations take over. 

I hate to break it to you but there’s no magical formula to anything.  Whether it’s losing weight, making money,  or anything else you strive for.   Without right intention and proper action, taken over a certain period of time nothing will materialize in your life.  This need for instant gratification can rule our lives in ways that are unconscious to us on a daily basis. 

To Give You An Example…

For a long period of my life I expected things to happen instantly.  Not only was I impatient but I also felt a need for things, situations or people.  I had to have it, if I didn’t get what I wanted I felt as if I failed.  

This striving and working hard to get something or go somewhere tomorrow started running my life.  I started feeling more and more anxious everyday.  My health started to suffer – weight gain, high blood pressure and lack of focus, to name a few.  As I became more aware of my “programming” I noticed how destructive instant gratification can be.  I lacked the necessary self-control needed to accomplish my dreams.

Who’s to Blame?

If you think about it, there’s really no one to blame.  Or maybe we can blame technology.  Instant messaging (IM), email, cell phones, car’s with built-in bluetooth for wireless calling.  We went from dial-up modems to high speed internet.  Then came T1 lines with fiber optics.  I mean bigger, faster, better has become apart of our daily lives.  And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Just keep in mind that all these technological advances are tools, for us to use to make our lives more comfortable.  Not for them to rule our lives or to have them control every second of our day.  Having us become slaves not being the masters we are.

So What Are You Trying To Say?

Please don’t miss interpret what I am saying.  I’m not saying that everything has to be hard and you have to strive through gut wrenching torture to achieve that you desire in your life.  I’m also not saying you shouldn’t use cell phones or send emails.   Not at all…

All I’m saying is this need/desire for instant gratification, this wanting things now, is a hindrance to your goals.   And I don’t want you to take my word for it, inspect this for yourself. 

Review your habits at work and in life.

            What would happen if person X didn’t call or email you back right away?

            How would you feel if you left your blackberry at home and didn’t have access to your instant messenger?

            What would be the big deal if a book you ordered has in back order and you couldn’t get it for some time?

            Do you ever use alcohol to cheer you up or calm you down? 

After answering some of the questions I’m asking you, think of some on your own.  Share them with me.  Let me know which areas of your life instant gratification has held you back.  Or maybe it’s been a useful tool for you, has it?

Rishi Pathani

We live, We Learn

Thanks for dropping by…

I’m going to be starting this blog in the hopes of helping people understand and realize their true desires.  From the beginner to the more advanced individual trying to grow and live life to the fullest.

My name is Rishi Pathani and Self Improvement Explained is the Blog.  I live in New York City and love to read, long walks on the each (LOL, J/K).

No but seriously, I do read a lot, learning new things, my child like curiosity has definitely gotten me in trouble before.  But all in all I enjoy growing with people.  What’s the point in doing it alone?

Between some guest authors and myself, there will be a variety of topics covered.   From time management, productivity to spirituality, this blog is not for objectivity or subjectivity.

It just is….

Occasionally we’ll have a video or two with guests we have interviewed.  If you have any requests of topics you’d like explained or ideas you may have of how we can better organize the information, please Contact Us.

We’re currently busy producing content.  We should be adding posts by next week. Check back with us then.

Enjoy the moment.

Rishi Pathani