Self Inflicted Blind Dating

2012-11-26T11:12:00.000-08:00

Mr. Right?

But wait.....I haven't posted in a year? Where have I been?

Let's rewind to last Christmas break where, after a few cocktails, I ranted the following:

"I'm done dating. Done. Unless someone introduces me to someone that is: tall, because let's be honest, I can't stand short guys even though I'm at best 5'3"; has a job he likes, even if that's as a trash man, because I don't care what he does, just that he likes doing it; has grown children, because someone who doesn't have kids of his own might want them and I don't need a baby all up in here ever again; has a sense of humor, because I'm damn funny; enjoys sports, but doesn't have to live, die, breathe them every weekend; and has dead parents because I'm done with in-laws, then I'm finished, never again."

And so, I gave up. Surrendered to the universe that he, as mentioned or described above, did not exist. I mean really....the dead parents thing alone should have cursed me in and of itself.

Until January 2012 when the bringer of the apocalypse, a.k.a my client Michael, said "You need to meet Pete. He's cool."

And now, as I'm approaching a year with a man who fits all of the descriptions above, as well as my previous blogged about qualities of:

"Be kind, be funny, be trustworthy, be someone my kids could meet, and be responsible." (from November 2011) or

"Mr. Fiscal Conservative, Family Man, Brutally Honest/Trustworthy, Faithful, Sports Loving, Show Tune Tolerant, Stable, Bit of a Geek" (from April 2010) or even more telling;

My description of what I wanted as far back as September 2009.

It's weird, it's fantastic.......and it means this particular blog is closed. Done. Fin. Adios.

If you want to track my antics, feel free to head back to getamom.blogspot.com where I'll be writing about my foray back into sole proprietor land as an independent real estate agent / mom of two teenagers / girlfriend (gasp!) / friend, I'd love to have an audience for more regular rantings, which aren't always about any of those aforementioned things.

So, it's been over a year....

2011-11-22T18:18:00.000-08:00

....since I last posted. Not since I've been on a date. But, in the last year, I've dated enough randomly horrible people to justify giving up dating until my kids are grown and out of the house (six years!). Tonight's stand-up by a doctor/alligator wrestler prompted me to have a free 45 minutes of time to reflect on the first dates I've had since my dog park date where the date's dog had an incredible fascination with my dog's hind end.

Here goes:

The Spider Man Aficionado - he has not one, but two, fully licensed Spider Man costumes and has collected nearly a thousand Spider Man figurines and comic books and has den in his basement dedicated to Spider Man worship. He could not fathom that I could not recall which Spider Man movie was better and what features they missed in their scripts.

The Rodeo Clown - He only liked cover bands and truly only worked a few months a year during the rodeo circuit. Which leads me to...

The Cowboy Poser - This one may seem shallow, but when a dude shows up wearing this just because he knew I went to the University of Wyoming, but he'd never actually been to any "western" state except Colorado and definitely had never touched a horse (let alone figured out that I dislike most things country) it's just wrong...

The Family Bed - His kids were 5, 7 and 11 and they all shared a bed with him when they came to visit. Enough said. Disgusting.

The DVR Addict - If you're inviting me over to watch a movie or play a game, then don't just ignore me and watch a recorded football game. Especially if it's one that I've seen. I will give away every play. Just a heads up. That next one? He'll catch the ball out of bounds. The one after that? An interception and score. I'm not anti-football. I'm just anti-ignoring. Especially on a second or third date. And then, if you "shush" me when I'm giving away the play, don't be surprised if I just say I'm going to use the bathroom and magically disappear from your life.

The Prude - This one was weird, a guy that had only been on basically three dates in his whole life (and he was 39) felt weird because he was pretty convinced that I had far too much dating experience and by that, I think he meant that I'd slept with too many people. Funny, we never actually had that conversation, just that he was looking for someone a little more "pure".

The Mama's Boy - If your testicles ascend when your mother calls and you speak as if they'll never drop again, we're not made for each other. Calling your mother "mommy" and sharing that you're required to spend one hour a day playing chess or she throws things, does not make you attractive.

The Restraining Order - If you have a restraining order against your ex-wife for attacking you and one of your dates and she has one against you (for what reason, you surely can't explain!) you're probably no one that I even want to know, let alone someone that I'd want knowing where I live.

The Drunk Driver - Yes, this was not the first drunk driver I've dated (sadly there have been at least three), but potentially the first one that lost his license. Please, please, don't pretend that you want to expose me to public transportation and urban living when really, you were pulled over and won't have your license until well into 2012 due to your excessive blood alcohol level.......

And that's not all, but I'm tired of describing them.

It's not like my list of must haves and can't stands are excessive. It's pretty simple: Be kind, be funny, be trustworthy, be someone my kids could meet, and be responsible.

My plan? (And this will definitely affect the blog posting...) Only go on dates if there's an actual reference from a live person that I know, and like. Beyond that, nights at home practicing the piano and watching movies with the dogs beat out any horrible experiences as described above.

Ummm....excuse me, but your dog is humping my dog.

2010-09-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

Chemistry. That's what this dating thing is supposed to be about. But, as Match.com tells me, 1 out of every 5 dating relationships happen because of online dating, we automatically take that first blush of random happenstance out of that first encounter.

I often say that I'm going to end up meeting the man of my dreams at the dog park and my dating profile says Ideal First Date: "Let's take a cat to the dog park and see what happens." So, what better place to meet on a first date?

Mr. Humpy Pug Owner and I did the wink/wink email/email chat/chat thing on Match and then scheduled a bring your own coffee and we'll meet on a Saturday morning and get to know each other. I brought Ebi, my beautiful golden retriever and he brought Mr. Pugsley, the Humping Pug. From the moment I walked in the pug jumped on Ebi's back and refused to get down. That dog was super, head over heels attracted to my pup.

He and I? Our eyes locked and.....No chemistry at all. I can't even really remember much about him. And, considering Ebi bit Mr. Pugsley's ear, thereby prematurely (thankfully) ending the date? I don't think she liked him much either.

Plagiarizing a true gem

2010-04-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I'm thinking about what to write here, I visit my favorite free dating website's Inbox for some inspiration. And, I'll admit, sometimes I wonder....what would it be like to go out just once with this guy just to see if I can get another side splitting story. Instead I'm just going to plagiarize his entire profile for a side splitting laugh. FYI He suggested Santa's Workshop in Colorado Springs as a good place to meet for the first time:

ok so im revamping my profile just because i can =). about me...i love the outdoors and the moutions are were i find alot of peace. iv lived in the springs sence i was 6months old. i love colorado, even the weather. i own 3 turtles. im a dog lover but cant have one were i live.

the relationships i have with friends and family are very important to me. i know there is a god but im not religious. i seek to be a spiritual person. a good ideal to live by is, wanting what i have instead of having what i want. because that doesnt nessasarily mean you find happyness that way. i do know alot of interesting but usless facts :) they intreage me.

im not a pc kind of guy and if im wearing pink its because no one actually showed me how to do laundry. haha. just to let you all know i dont drink or some weed but if you do thats fine. its just not my thing anymore. if that makes you feel wierd ummmmm owell :)lol

as for this site i figured out that no im not filling out an "application to be hired" im looking for an equal that will take interest in me also. im very family orientated. its the most important thing there is.

ill leave you with this poem.

love is like a rose, gentel and buitiful, but willing to shed blood in its defence.

.ok ladies one more thing. if you say you want to meet and never end up doing it or keep canceling or not even call to say whats up. for real whats the fkn point? DONT WAIST MY TIME. im not waisting yours.

I promise. I won't "waist" his time.

Off the market....

2010-04-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

After receiving an email that said "I think I seen you at my grocer store, but I m affraid to say hi" <------his spelling...who looks like an unattractive, overweight Bret Michaels (this was his "best" photo), but happens to work....oh, wait, he's "between jobs" and wants to know if I'm 420 friendly....I've deleted my online dating profiles.

That, and I think my ex-husband's girlfriend internet stalked me. Kudos to her though. I'd probably do the same thing.

And so, I'm leaving it to chance. If Mr. Fiscal Conservative, Family Man, Brutally Honest/Trustworthy, Faithful, Sports Loving, Show Tune Tolerant, Stable, Bit of a Geek, Non-Mama's Boy (But Still Returns His Mama's Phone Calls), 30-45 year old Dude happens to live within a reasonable distance of 80128 exists who is a perfect match for this Pretty Geeky, Independent, Single Mom, Fiscally Conservative but will fight for Gay Marriage Rights and who is Pro-Choice, Non-Religious, Hell of a Cook and Scrabble Player, Sports Lover.....he'll have to meet me at either a) work, b) the grocery store (which I've changed since the creep above) or c) the dog park because that seems to be where I am on my very limited non-kid days.

Oh, the joy of dating.

AP Style Guide

2010-03-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

I would like to see someone edit this most recent email I received from PlentyOfFish.

Hi I'm Dane & your smile & pics caught my eye. Your profile was an interesting read especially about grammer and men. We do have our pet peeves and regardless if they might be shallow we do have them. One of mine is ugle feet, I just can't date a person with ugle feet or bad manors. Sounds quirky I know. I would enjoy hearing from you.

Since I do have the obviously shallow referrence to grammar in my profile, I'm wondering if I should write this dear boy back and let him know that my feet aren't uglY. And that my manor is just fine and my manners are great too.

Obviously I'm too shallow to date.

If I could date my Google Calendar, I totally would.

2010-01-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

It's really the only thing in my life that truly, deeply, understands me. Sometimes I log into calendar.google.com just to admire it. But, it doesn't always allow me to date. It's a jealous calendar.

Dear Biker Bar Waitress, May I see the wine list?

2010-01-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

I didn't say this. But my date did. My dear friends, who all desire that I couple up sooner rather than later, were introducing me to a new set of folks and said "Oh, you have to hear some of Andrea's horrible dating stories, they're hilarious!" and proceeded to share this gem that I'd long since forgotten.

Last summer, when I was attempting to both avoid dating and force myself out of my blissful solitude, I went on a date with a guy from PlentyOfFish. (I've since tried to recreate my search to see if I can find a crazy picture of him. Alas, I can't remember even how old he was.)

After chatting online about likes/dislikes we determined we had a shared love of summer evenings on patios in common which seemed like enough reason to meet. And so, he suggested that we meet at the Platte River Bar and Grill off Santa Fe. It's a fun enough place, a great place to meet up with friends for a bucket of beers, kindof a loser place in the winter, but summer it's fantastic. It's not a classy place, but it beats Starbucks on a 95 degree day. And so, we meet. Remember, this is his suggestion as he says he "loves" this bar.

So, I arrive. On time. I'm always on time. .

Twenty minutes later, he arrives. I couldn't tell you what his name is, what he looked like, or much else. But I do remember he was late. Because I'd already ordered a beer.

He sits down and apologizes for running behind. Our waitress returns and the following is their conversation, verbatim (or as it would play out in the movie of my life.)

Waitress: "Hey doll, what can I get you to drink?"
Dude: "Can I see your wine list?"

Cue sound of screeching record and all patrons of the restaurant turning to stare. Men in leather biker chaps and wife beaters, girlfriends in not much more, with jaws dropped.

Waitress: "Huh?"
Dude: "Do you have a wine list?"

Waitress: "Ummmmmm.....no, we have two whites and two reds, I think."
Dude: "What would you recommend?"

Beat.

Waitress: "Beer."

Waitress then proceeds to give me a withering look like I was out with an absolute fool.

I vaguely remember the next 30 minutes as being rather painful. His Chardonnay arrived and he proceeded to try and get me to high five him if I agreed with what he was saying.

I pulled the "My babysitter just texted" card and left before he could order a second glass.

Going Mamma Bear on my dating self.

2010-01-03T22:14:00.000-08:00

My kids are my life. As a couple of my friends have reminded me, this is new since the divorce. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my children. It's just that in the last three years I've truly begun to get to know them. I'm not stressed (well, not as stressed). I hardly yell. I let things go. I've turned into a total Mamma Bear. I am, as these friends say, a better mom now than I was when I was married.

But, to be honest, I've also used my kiddos as a shield to help prevent me into getting involved in anything real. They're an incredible excuse to have when you're on a date. I don't know how single women without kids escape from bad date situations. Saying you have to pick them up from the ex/sitter/friend's is such a quick and easy way to ditch a situation. And who's going to call you out on that?

But, here's the other things I do, as a hyper sensitive single mom, when dating, which maybe aren't exclusive to single moms at all, but just smart things for single women to do:

I don't let the guy know the ages or genders of my kids on a first or second date. I'm deathly afraid of some guy trolling these dating sites looking for a mom of a young boy/girl in their target age.

My address is very protected. With the exception of Mr. Bellyflop and The Happy Meal Toy very few of the men that I've dated know my address. I suppose they could look it up. That is if they knew my last name.

My last name. I don't often tell it. It rarely comes up. Guys think that I've told them, and then feel stupid about asking. I have a specific email address that's just for my blind dating that doesn't have this information. Here's the deal. The moment I know your last name I'm Googling you. (Reminds me of one of the best Amanda Palmer song as of late.....). Because I do this, I assume others do this as well. My last name changed and my ex-name is much more hit upon than the new one, so there's a buffer.

I take photos of or write down license plate numbers. I forward dating profiles to friends before I go out. I arrive early and look for parking close to the meeting place. I have a rather unique vehicle, so it's difficult for me to avoid them remembering that I'm in an Orange Honda Element, but still. Now granted, I'm taking a risk every time I go on one of these dates and if they were of the psychotic persuasion, I guess I'm basically screwed, but for the most part I haven't had any issues.

Oh, and I definitely don't let them know about this blog.

Bad advice is gender neutral

2009-12-29T19:50:00.000-08:00

An anonymous follower of this missive brought up an interesting point after my rant about the Pick Up Artist. Shares Anon:

"Have you read most women's magazines geared towards pre-teens and young women (i.e Cosmo, etc.) They are full of articles that teach girls about romance from a calculated and manipulative rules-based standpoint. Judge not...."

And, as I like to tell my kids. I judge. And harshly. As slimy and smarmy I think the Neil Strauss PUA POS book is, I believe Cosmo and the other girl rags are even worse. I believe those magazines create the kind of women that are happy being one of Tiger Wood's 14 mistresses, or a "look the other way" wife like many of us are expected to be.

I think the same rule applies. If you start a relationship, either as a man or woman, from a manipulative, rules-based standpoint, it's going to fail.

So whether you are a guy and aspire to this:

Or a girl that needs this type of advice I judge you harshly. Stop taking advice from these types of publications or people. The world is full of shit-heads like Tiger, we don't need any more. Relax, be yourself, and just say "Hi." Works every time.

"Looking for someone honest"

2009-12-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

Honesty. It's a huge part of developing a new relationship, and probably an even bigger part of why many of my relationships have failed. I've always considered myself a huge stickler for honesty. However, after careful consideration, I think I've been lying to myself all this time. I'm not honest at all in my online dating responses.

For example: this fine fellow here recently emailed me with a "Your cute, I promise you will be laughing in one minute with me." (His spelling, his words.) I totally lied to this guy and said "Thanks for the email, but I'm seeing someone right now."

His profile headline is "Looking for someone honest." So, here goes (because I'm not honest enough to write this as a response).

Dear dbell99,

You indicate you'd like honesty in your next relationship so I'd like to provide my honest opinion in the hopes it helps you in the future with your online dating experience. Honestly, just because it's the holidays it does not mean that you should post a picture in your Santa boxer shorts and your Steeler's Santa hat. Some holiday photos say fun loving, this says weird. I mean, really....what were you wearing before you put on this ensemble, or is this how you wake up on Christmas morn? And secondly, in one of your other 12 profile pictures, you are wearing a very dirty sweatshirt. While I'm not sure that the 10 other pictures show you to be an attractive man, they do seem to indicate that you are at least clean, which may be enough for some girls. I understand that you're standing in front of an empty closet, so maybe this is your only option, but still.

You've asked for honesty, and here it is, you're just not the man for me.

Best of luck and Happy New Year. (Oh and it's "you're" cute, not "your", just FYI.)

A

The Pick Up Artist.

2009-12-23T06:32:00.000-08:00

For all my single friends, a warning, and for all my married friends, read on and just take a deep breath and be thankful you're safely coupled up.

There is a movement amongst the single men-children on this planet called The Game. Neil Strauss, author/asshole, believes the best way to pick up women is to start a conversation with an insult and then attempt to build the woman back up through his advised wit and charm or to initiate a conversation based completely on a fabricated "opener" on a Target (what women are to him). I hate to add any revenue to this guy's pocket or give any validity to his crap style of relationships, but if you can skim read (it's not well written) this book in the bookstore or steal it from your little brother's bookshelf (because really, it's that immature), you'll know what to watch out for at bars when a guy comes up to you and says: "Hey, can I ask you a question and will you give me an honest answer?" Keep in mind, the next words out of his mouth will be a lie and probably start with: "I have this friend who has this problem....." Then, he'll work to sit and manipulate the conversation to focus on his pre-determined (usually untrue) story. Throughout it all, he'll try and break through defenses by breaking the personal space bubble by casually touching your arm. Warning - he'll act relatively disinterested and then will mention, "well, if you want me to let you know about this great party/club open/gallery" (whatever he lied about earlier) just enter your number into my phone and maybe I'll text you.

I've had this happen a few times with friends at bars. When you say "Oh Wow! You read The Game." in response to "Wow, you really would be short without those heels." or "My friend's in the bathroom, but I need advice on something....".

My ex, loyal follower of this methodology (and the person who loaned me the book), thinks I'm being mean by shooting guys down just for following the Game, but seriously. I don't want to be with anyone who starts a conversation with a lie.

That said, if you've employed this methodology and are in a happy, committed, loving relationship now, I'd love to hear from you. Getting the "kiss close" doesn't count.

Please, please, don't pick me up when you're drunk.

2009-12-21T08:26:00.000-08:00

So, Mr. Patience (formerly known as Mr. Bellyflop) who throughout the last several weeks has been quite understanding with my neurotically horrific schedule, asked if I wanted to go out to dinner on one of my completely kid free evenings. Dinner out? Yes. I wasn't sure there was a great connection here, but he was relaxing and kindof fun, so what the hell. (Yeah, I went for the steak.)

At dinner he got up to use the bathroom twice. I thought that was odd, especially for a dude. I guess if I dated women it would be more "natural", but I don't date women and thus, I don't get it when my date gets up twice to go to the bathroom.

During dinner we discussed movies and some of our favorites. The Departed is definitely one that I could watch multiple times. Especially with a newbie. Spoiler alert for those that haven't seen this brilliant film: When Leo's head explodes it's just a cinematically perfect moment. And so, since this guy knew my address already I figured he could come back to my place and we could watch a movie. Seemed like a good Sunday night activity. Potential for some high-schoolesque making out, but not really anything more. That is, until....

He revealed that he was too drunk to probably do "very much" with me tonight because, well, he'd had multiple drinks at the Bronco party before picking me up and thus, well, couldn't......you get the point (which he couldn't....sorry).

Here's the issue:

#1 - I wasn't necessarily planning on sleeping with him. I don't know him very well, there's no crazy chemistry and I'm picky.

#2 - "You picked me up drunk?!?!" This really was #1, but I figured I should reveal the other first in case my parents read this. (I'm a first born and seek approval.) He was sheepish, but said that he didn't think it would affect anything. Ummmmm. Not okay. He's a big guy and wasn't showing any signs of intoxication when he came to my door (maybe the chronic urination should have revealed something to me), but I rode in a car with him. I informed him that as a single mom and really the only reliable parent my kids have, it's pretty damned important that I not do stupid shit like get in the car with a guy who's had that much to drink. And so, he went home, I took a sleeping pill and had a blissful kid free evening.

Oh and, #3 - He used the phrase "don't matter none to me" once during dinner. Without #2, I still probably would have ended it.

The Fade Out.

2009-12-17T19:49:00.000-08:00

We believe he was hit by a bus. Pray for his mother.

My dear friend Beth shared this line in response to a recent "fade out" where I was on the receiving end. I've never been here before. I've given the "fade", but never received it and now am not sure I'll ever give it again.

For those dating neophytes a fade out is when you simply slow down the responses to texting or phone calls until you simply just don't call or text back. It's generally used most effectively after first or second dates when the chemistry just isn't there or they said something a little over the top. Or at least that's when I employ it. So, when I was the fade-ed instead of the fade-er I immediately began to second guess myself. "Was it something I said?" "Was I a bad kisser?" "Did he read this blog and realize that I was going to write about my experience?"

And then I realized. I put aboslutely no thought into the fade out when I'm the fade-er. There just wasn't a connection and it was time for it to disolve. No need to overanalyze. Just move on to the next one and enjoy.

Fade out.

Taking Time.

2009-12-16T12:27:00.000-08:00

If you know me, you know that I have very little spare time. I'm the primary parent for my kids, by choice, it's the best thing for them. And, since I juggle their activity and school schedules with my work and volunteer schedules it leaves very little free time in which to date. I suppose for the right guy I'll make the time, but definitely not for this guy who emails.

I am just getting out of messy situation with a girl who thought we were a couple but she never saw me anyway. I am not looking to date, just looking to talk at the moment. If you can handle that...let's talk.

So, if I don't have time to date, do I have time to "talk". Seriously.

And, well, he says he's 5'10", but unless all of his friends are 6'5" or greater, I'm thinking he's more like 5'6". More on 5'10" later.

Oh, how I want to read this aloud...

2009-11-17T06:10:00.000-08:00

just to get the full effect. Best dating profile of the week to contact me:

So I will tell you about what I really do on an average week. Monday 6:00 am my alarm goes off, I press snooze till usually about 6:45 and then I get up. But this is a bit of a lie because I have set my alarm clock 20 minutes fast as to trick myself into getting up on time. But now that I am use to this and I end up doing the math every morning in my head while half asleep. So this trick has really no effect. Then I get out of bed and tell my kids to quickly get dressed while I jump in the shower. After my shower I dry off and put in my contact lenses. At this point I go back to my kid’s rooms with a towel wrapped around me and yell at my kids for not getting out of bed the first time I told them to. Next I try to get dressed but have found that I never ironed my shirt that I swore I would the night before. So I half ass iron my shirt and get dressed. I then tell my kids to brush their teeth and I brush mine as well. Then I run down stairs to fix them some cereal and usually end up looking for someone’s shoe. After finding the shoe I check the kids tooth brushes and tell them to brush them for real this time. We some how make it into the car and we are all off to day care. After dropping the kids off at day care I proceed to work. While driving to work I realize I am the only one who did not eat breakfast. I have a 45 minute commute to work so I switch between 103.5 fox radio and 105.9 Alice. As it is Monday morning all employees are required to be at work 15 minutes early for the Monday morning meeting. When I arrive at work at 8:00 am sharp I am a bit aggravated to realize that I am again the only car in the parking lot. As employees start to trickle in the last person in is the manager who begins the meeting usually 30 minutes late. The meeting is supposed to last 15 minutes but usually last an hours and a half because my manager likes to think he is important. After the meeting I go back to my desk and surf the web usually till about noon when I start coordinating with the other employees about lunch. I like to take my lunch at noon as I am hungry from not eating breakfast and I am ready for a break. For my lunch I go to king soopers and get some pepperoni and cheese (I eat the same thing every day) and drive to Daniels Park between highlands ranch and castle pines and park and listen to the radio. I get back to work about 12:59 and then usually have to help a customer at this point. This helping of customers will usually last till about 2:30. will the madness never end.:o) Then I log on to my on line school classes and do my day’s home work at work. I am working on my batchlers at university of phoenix and will be done in December. I put a batchlers degree on my profile because I am so close to finishing. I finish my home work about 4:00 am them I just watch the TV for an hour or so. We have a plasma TV at work. It’s a bank. Sadly I am about the hardest working person at the bank. At about 5:30 I leave work and head to my parent’s house to pick up my kids. My parents pick up my kids from day care and feed them dinner for me. I pick up the kids and head home. We get home about 7:00pm and I get to hang with the kids for an hour or so and then get busy with the whole bath and bed time thing. By 9:00 the kids are in bed and I have about an hour to do dishes and laundry before I turn in for the night. If you want to hear about a typical Tuesday through Sunday just ask.

Be still my beating heart.

Hmmmm....

2009-11-14T00:57:00.001-08:00

Well, my opinion may have changed since that last post. Grinning. Biting my lip. Very fun evening.

Juggling

2009-11-13T06:09:00.000-08:00

So, I'm still looking forward to seeing Mr. Bellyflop again if schedules overlap, but I'm also looking forward to seeing Mr. Political Consultant again as well.

I've never been much of a player in my life. I like a guy and if magically he likes me back, I'm typically focused on that until it ends. The player world seems like a place that the ex fits in better.

But, each of these guys seems to satisfy something that I'm looking for - brains and stability and goofiness and relaxation.

I'm sure I won't juggle for long and who knows if either of these will be a "catch".

They all blend together.

2009-11-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

Each guy I've dated over the last few years is unique. Most are tall, some are short (just a strange preference); all have jobs and smart (just a prerequisite); some are young, some are old; bald, hairy, black, white; but last night I went on my second date who was featured on ESPN for being #2 at something (See Mr. Air) as well as loves Tater Tot Casserole (see Mr. Tot). But strangely, neither of those things bothered me with this one. I still think tater tot casserole is gross though.

Responses to my profile

2009-11-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

My eHarmony profile is totally different than my PlentyOfFish profile. (See below for the eHarmony must haves/can't stands). My POF profile is more casual, much like the dates.

I enjoy spending time with people that have a quirky sense of humor and live life passionately. I'm best summed up as a bit of a nerd who really enjoys sports (mostly baseball and football) and plays a mean piano who has incredibly diverse taste in music from punk to classical, retro to rock (but don't really like country or jazz). I'm mostly just looking for someone that wants to have a fun, stress-free time heading to events or just hanging out. If it grows into more, great. I'm up for that too.

I will admit, and call me shallow if you will, to being turned off by emails where too/to/two and your/you're/yore are used incorrectly. Ideally, you might be a person who could play Scrabble or provide some witty banter and I find the grammatical litmus test of the first email to be a good indicator of chemistry.

And yes, I have kids and they rock. I don't mix kids and dating, but definitely understand the single parent schedule better than just the single guy schedule.

If you're a dog person, maybe meet up at a dog park with some iced tea and watch the dogs play. If you're a cat person, I suppose that's a horrible place to meet, but I'm open for suggestions. I love coffee on a patio and beer on a patio almost equally, but not at the same time, so either of those would work too.

Or, let's go play bocce in a park and chat while throwing things.

So, by saying that, why do I get contacted by this guy?

hey im donny i love pool and actin a fool im allways bein funny and i have a great personality if you dont like tattoos you wont like me i listen to metal and punk i hate the snow lol and i am not allways a serious person more of a jokester i have 2 daughters destiny and nevaeh and i have pittys i love em i also have long blond hair so if ya dont like long hair im out lol well if theres anything else you wanna know ask ill tell im not shy ;) ok i guess i should tell you im a dog lover and i am looking for a serious relasionship i would really like to meet some cool people along the way but if you just wanna be buddies i guess thats cool but if you read this im looking for my bonnie ill be ur clyde i need a partner in crime someone i can lauph with n she will know exatilly why i know your outthere so pleaseeeeeeee send me a mesage o-ya im also a ful time student wich is good times so i dont have much time but the time i do have i would like to spend it with some1 cuddilin or playin or whatever as long as we are happy thats what lifes about rite? 1 more thing i love the green bay packers and chocklete lol

I'm so glad I have a sense of humor!

Out of the blue

2009-10-31T19:11:00.000-07:00

When I break up with someone it's generally a forever thing. Only in high school did I ever do the hokey pokey of getting back together with someone once we broke up. When the marriage ended, it ended with no looking back. I've been the same way with dating. If, after a couple of dates, there's something that creeps me out or just generally a feeling that there's no future I'm pretty clear "Hey, you're a nice enough guy but...." and I usually follow that .... with whatever doesn't work for me. And, for the most part, the guys take it really well and all is good.

But, within the last few weeks I've heard from three of these guys out of the blue. It's like the 6-12 months since I last heard from them magically makes them: a) closer to my age; b) less smothering or c) more physically attractive.

I'm sticking to my guns. No re-treads.

Eight months?

2009-10-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Did I really spend the entire summer not dating? Well, and based on the blizzard outside today, the entire fall? Yep, it's true. I had one of the most relaxing summers and truly one of the most fun doing things with my kids and friends that I'm not sure I missed the belly flops of dating someone new.

Well, tomorrow changes all that. We've officially passed all of the litmus tests that eHarmony could throw at a couple of 34 year olds and I will be going on a first date for the first time in eight months.

Truly, I'm not excited. But he seems like a nice enough fellow to jump back into the fray for. We'll see.

Harmonizing.

2009-09-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

Free dating sites are, just that, free. And you get what you pay for. (See creepy mug shot man below.) When I was first divorced I took a year on sort of a "honeymoon with myself" and then tried eHarmony. I wasn't ready. This is a site built for relationships. For people that weren't still getting over a long marriage that ended (even though I ended it and it's the best decision I think I've ever made.) And so, it was really a waste of a $100. Well, they ran a special and lord knows I love a bargain. So, I'm giving it a shot. This will probably not result in solving the immediate "who WILL I go with to the Dodgeball event", but will probably result in some more interesting dates. As my best friend reminded me today - I probably only have time to go on a couple of first dates a month. So, here's my MUST HAVES and CAN'T STANDS. I'm wondering if I should take this list to a therapist.....because I'm reading some stuff into it.

MUST HAVE

Intellect...
I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.
Sense of Humor...
I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.
Emotionally Healthy...
I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.
Industriousness...
I must have someone who is willing to work hard at whatever they do.
Passionate...
I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
Loyal...
I must have someone I can count on to always support me.
Responsible...
My partner must be financially responsible.
Curiosity...
I must have a partner who is hungry for new information and knowledge and who strives to learn as much as possible.
Affectionate...
I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection.
Chemistry...
I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

CAN'T STAND

Lying...
I can't stand someone who lies to anyone-especially to me.
Dependence...
I can't stand someone who bases their happiness on me.
Punctuality...
I can't stand someone who is always late.
Cheating...
I can't stand someone who takes advantage of people.
Undependable...
I can't stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable.
Lazy...
I can't stand someone who likes to spend excessive time sleeping, resting or being a "couch potato."
Depressed...
I can't stand someone who is constantly unhappy about their life.
Pessimism...
I can't stand someone who always sees the glass as half empty.
Unhappy at Work...
I can't stand someone who hates their job and complains about it all the time.
Victim Mentality...
While everyone has times of self-pity, I can't stand someone who continually sees himself/herself as a victim.

The Perfect Age?

2009-08-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

Many, many moons ago, I went on my first true self inflicted blind date by posting an ad on CraigsList with tickets to a concert asking potential dates to tell me why they'd be the most fun. I was not looking for anything serious, definitely nothing long term. Which is exactly what I found. I was pleasantly surprised by this 27 year old's ability to have interesting conversations, quirky intellectualism and his fantastic kissing abilities. We dated on and off for a few months. I affectionately refer to him as the Happy Meal Toy in conversations with girlfriends over wine. He was, exactly that, a toy to play with for awhile with no real use or long term necessity. It ended because it was time for it to end.

My pendulum swung the opposite way and I then dated a man old enough to be the Happy Meal Toy's father. I'd like to say the age thing doesn't matter, but it does.

As a 34 year old woman, I'm firmly entrenched in Generation X. I don't understand much of the lackadaisical approach to life of anyone younger than about 30 and I don't appreciate much of the baby boomer approach to living. So, when filling out online dating profiles, I always put 30 - 45, but know that really, it's probably narrower (34 - 39).

Though, if I do date outside the range again, I'm definitely going younger. There's a reason happy meal toys are so popular.

Niche Dating

2009-08-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

So, I've gone to more a niche online dating experience. I'm on a site just for single parents. I figured I'd be matched with people in my area that are going through the same thing I am and that understand my ridiculous schedule. And, for the most part, they're less like the guy blogged about last week and more like what I'm looking for. I'm in the midst of some fun email conversations, but due to my back to school schedule have yet to have free time to meet any of them. And they all seem to understand. Guys without kids don't get it.

I've been contacted though by people not even in the same state as me. Which seems weird. As a single mom, I hardly have time to even look at travel magazines, let alone travel for a relationship. This guy is from California. And, while maybe I shouldn't judge, what is this photo trying to say...."I really am a bargain hunter and I have a phone that I got in 1999."

So, while I doubt I'm going to run into Mr. Mug Shot from below on the Single Parent site, I'm thinking I'm still going to run into a few complete dorks.