But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.   –Ephesians 5:3

Sexual integrity is at least as important as theological integrity.  It might even be more important, because some theological error can be corrected in the process of ongoing ministry, as in the ministry of Apollos. I laid a few theological eggs myself early in my ministry.  I wince to think about them.  But those errors are recoverable.  A failure of sexual integrity, however, usually slams the door to ministry.

I remember a young guy who came to my church as youth pastor right after I’d left to go to college.  He’d been at it for three or four months, and word got back to me: he’d fondled a couple of the girls in the youth group… and boom, just like that, his ministry was over.  Makes me wonder what he’s doing now. Building maintenance? Insurance?  Who knows.

Think of your pastor.  Which of the following three sins would provoke the strongest reaction from your church if he were found to have committed it?

1. Lying to the finance committee about his expenditures
2. Losing his temper and cussing someone out at a ballgame
3. Shopping at an adult bookstore

Now answer this: which one would the press jump on?

You see?  It’s the atomic bomb.

A few years ago, every TV news station in our area showed up at my church because one of our fringe members committed a sex crime.  It had nothing to do with our church or its leadership, but they came anyway, and they were on the hunt. The 5:00 news reports called him our “youth pastor.”

We must remember that the reputation of Christ is on the line.

Many capable authors have written on sexual sin, so rather than try to write one of my own, I’d like to suggest a few points of application, and then see what you might have to add.

Commit to biblical sexual integrity.

Living chastely is, in my opinion, the largest challenge of the Christian life in our culture.  Think of all the people who would be willing to become Christians if there were no sexual restrictions! Are you fully, wholeheartedly to living chastely in thought and action, limiting all your sexual activity to the secure confines of holy marriage?

If not, maybe ministry isn’t for you.

Read this sentence very slowly: Sexual integrity means no pornography.

It’s everywhere now: you can get it on your phone, for crying out loud.  Get a filter, get accountability, do whatever you have to do, but stay away.  It is deadly to your soul.

Hedges in relationships

Whether you’re single or married, it is important for you to have boundaries you respect in relationships with the opposite sex.  Typical hedges with members of the opposite sex include things like: do not meet alone behind a closed door; do not dine alone with them; do not ride alone in a car with them.  Take care about your conversation, too: be respectful, not flirtatious, and include the other’s spouse in conversation and community whenever possible.

Nancy Leigh De Moss has a good article on the topic from a woman’s perspective.

These days, you also need to be careful with younger people of the same sex. If you’re a 35 year old man, regardless of your integrity or marital status, if you spend lots of alone time with a 14 year old boy—even if it’s for discipleship—it can arouse suspicions.  It may be silly, but it’s real.  We have to protect the church by staying way above reproach.  One voiced accusation, even if it’s false, can set off a firestorm of panic and distrust that can devastate the church. (In cases like this, a simple fix is to meet in public places.)

Faithfulness in marriage

I’d like to quote from a fellow pastor in my area, whose blog post on this I thought was right on:

“If she’s not your wife, then she’s not yours to touch, love, know the intimate emotions of, call late at night, write emotional emails or flirtatious texts to, or daydream about.  She’s not yours.  She belongs to another man, if not the one she’s married to then the one she will marry.  She belongs to God.  So do you. If you are toying with any of the things I just mentioned–calling, texting, emailing, or even daydreaming about a woman who is not your wife–you are playing with fire.  Rest assured, if you continue, it will spread and burn every square inch of your life.”

Have standards for media consumption

Here’s a question: do you have a standard for movies or TV that you will not watch because of its sexual content?  No?  Then you should get one.  There are kinds of media that you simply don’t need to see.  Our culture doesn’t blink at highly sexualized programming… but we should.  Pick another movie.  Change the channel.

Learn to Confess

Ok.  Everyone who wants to share their most secret, depraved thoughts with someone else, raise their hand.  Anyone?  That’s what I thought. Me neither.

Real accountability for sexual integrity is hard.  The last thing I ever want to do is confess my sin… and sexual sin, last of all. It is, however, the path to freedom.  Drag it into the light, and it loses its power over you. If you’re in the grip of temptation, find a trusted friend in Christ, and confess.

Your turn

Obviously, there’s much, much more that could be said here.  This post is a draft for the sex chapter of the forthcoming book on seminary, so help me: what would you add to what I’ve written?  What books or practices or resources have been helpful to you?

Expect life to change.

You cannot do graduate school and keep on with life as you know it.  Many things will have to be sacrificed.  After I got my acceptance letter, I began to adjust my schedule immediately so that I would be better prepared for the real shift six months later when the program began.  Some things I did right away to prepare:

I started going to bed and getting up earlier. My best thinking time is in the morning (more on this below), so I wanted to set my schedule to maximize morning time.  Besides, after 9pm, there’s nothing much to do.

I cancelled Netflix.  I figured that TV and movies were an easy way to reclaim a little money and a lot of time, so I went ahead and bit the bullet.

I started studying German.  Since I have to pass reading comprehension in German, anyway, I decided to get a head start.  But more than that, I wanted to begin to establish a morning study habit.  I started out with just an hour or so and built from there, so that when the semester started and I needed to study for much longer stretches, the adjustment would be easier.

Think about how you can adjust now to how life will have to be once you start your program.

Map your time.

I am blessed to have the kind of job that allows me to adapt my working hours. If you are going to do graduate study, whether a Th.M or a Ph.D, it will not fit in the cracks of your life.  You need to designate a set time for study every day.  This is important.  Getting a degree is just like eating an elephant: you do it one bite at a time.  The key question: when will you sit down to “eat”?  If you expect to squeeze it in around everything else, you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Block off uninterrupted block for study time, every day if possible, and limit your interruptions during that time.

Give your best thinking time to study

Graduate school takes a ton of mental energy.  If you can, make your study time when you’re most mentally sharp.  For me, that’s in the morning.  I rise early, eat, shower, walk the dog, and then hit the books by 7:30 or 8:00.  I work steadily until mid to late morning, and then go in to work in the afternoon.  If you try to do most of your study during your least intellectually productive time, you’ll wind up re-reading a paragraph four times, or trying in vain to write one paragraph for 45 minutes, just because you’re not on your game.

Also: try to schedule your time to provide for the best work flow.  I do my most productive work when I am uninterrupted, and can drop into the zone in reading and writing. Usually, that means 1-2 hours, followed by a short break, followed by another hour or hour and a half.

Some people work best late at night.  There’s no shame in that.  Put the family to bed and stay up another three hours cranking it out.  Sleeping in or an afternoon nap can compensate for the lost sleep.  Your solution will have to be crafted to the particular needs of your work and your family life, but as much as you can, give your best mental energy to school.

Utilize Every Second

I can’t emphasize this one enough: have something to read with you at all times.  The amount of reading required for many programs borders on excessive.  If you have any down time or waiting time, you can knock out some reading time while you wait.   For instance, I walk my dog every day, so I got in the habit of taking a book and a pencil with me on the walk.  I found I could walk and read with reasonable success, so I did, and it helped me keep up with reading.  Others can read while they run on a treadmill, wait for doctor’s appointments, ride the bus, or whatever.  Keep your reading with you at all times, and redeem those moments to make progress.

Read Intelligently

I have written before on how to read books with maximum efficiency, and I recommend that you give it a look.  The method is not original to me, but I have used it with great success.  My program has me reading roughly two books a week, so it pays to find ways to devour books quickly.  This strategy won’t work for every book—some will require much slower and more careful reading—but it will work with many of them.  You will save time and increase comprehension.

Each semester, start as early as you can

If you have breaks between semesters, utilize them to get a jumpstart on your work for the next term.  Professors often have their syllabuses ready before the prior semester ends; and even if not, they can probably give you a list of required books if you ask.  This is important, because you never know when something will happen to set you back.  The difficulty with doing school and work at the same time is that you have far less margin.  If you get sick, for instance, you’ll likely fall behind in work and school.  It’s wise to prepare for occasions when things come up at work that require more time and attention than usual.  If you have a head-start on the semester’s work, you’ll be in better shape if something arises to set you back.

Get the support of your employer

Make sure your boss knows what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it.  Things will go much, much easier for you if you have his or her support.  I’d recommend approaching your employer before you apply and talking about what you want to do and how it could affect your work. As a matter of fact, just to apply to my program, I had to turn in a form signed by my employer which stated they understood what I was getting into. I am fortunate to have a pastor and a church who believe in me and my program of study, and are completely supportive.  So the last two weeks before final due dates, when I’m buried in finishing papers, they understand.  Without that understanding, things would be harder.

In each seminar, understand what merits your best attention.

Not everything in each seminar is as important.  You will be required to complete assignments that professors won’t even give a second glance.   In one of my seminars this term, we were required to produce several five-page book summaries based on our reading.  The purpose of that assignment is to ensure that we interact with and absorb the material in the book.  Writing those summaries is a good way to do it.  However, there is no way my professor is going to sit and read 16 different summaries of the same book.  Most likely, he’ll glance at each one to see that our approach was adequate.  So should I spend thirty minutes agonizing over how exactly to phrase that one concept?  Absolutely not.  Write it, get it done, turn it in.

Our big term paper, however, was another matter.  In many seminars, you’ll produce one lengthy paper that is the lion’s share of the grade and the expectation for that class.  It will be closely scrutinized by both your professor and your classmates. That’s where you should devote your best efforts.

Expect your first semester to be hard

The first semester in your program, you’ll have the steep learning curve of a newcomer.  I was uneasy about what the standards would be, and how my thinking and writing would compare to others in the program.  As it turned out, I was comfortably in the middle of the pack, but I didn’t really know that until the end of the semester.  There are also skills to learn or relearn.  How, for instance, do you do library research?  I started my program after having been out of school for ten years.  To understate it: library research changed a little bit while I was gone.  The digital revolution made things easier in many ways, but I still had to learn how to navigate it.  It’s also been ten years since I had to properly format a paper (margins, footnotes, etc.). After spending six hours properly formatting my first paper, however, I’ve learned the style, and future papers will be much easier. You’ll also be learning your own study habits: how long does it take to read a book?  What are the really difficult parts of writing?  For me, it’s formulating my topic.  Once I have that, the rest comes more easily.  Others struggle with drafting or editing.  You’ll need to (re)discover your own strengths and weaknesses, and the first semester will be filled with these kinds of challenges.

Make Friends

Sit down in your seminars, and look around.  Seated around you are some of the best and brightest people in your field.  Many of them will be your colleagues for the rest of your life.  Be friendly.  Get to know them now.  They can be an invaluable resource.  Their reading and intelligence can make up for weaknesses in yours, and they can help you shape and refine your own ideas. Most importantly, they will understand the value of what you are doing in a way that many people in your life will not.  Most people in my church have no idea why someone would get a Ph.D in Christian Philosophy, but fellow students do.  They get it. You’ll need the support of friends like that when you’re enduring sleepless nights studying for comps, or wrestling your way through your dissertation.

These are just a few thoughts.  What would you add?

Mark Warnock, Editor of SSG.com

I began this website in December of 2007 as a way to give counsel to seminary students from a vantage point outside seminary. Now, I have returned to seminary, this time as a Ph.D student. I just completed my first semester toward a Ph.D in Christian Philosophy at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.

The primary reason I’m returning to seminary is to sharpen my ability to think, write and teach. After 15 years of full-time ministry in the local church, I’ve found I’ve settled into a mental slump. The day to day life of local church ministry hasn’t kept me as intellectually stretched and sharpened as I should be. To paraphrase Paul, I’ve been neglecting my gifts. Time to fan them into flame again.

So I hope to write here some fresh material on the seminary experience, this time from the perspective of a doctoral student. I hope to see the seminary environment with fresh eyes, and have productive and helpful things to say. This time, however, I will have the joy of taking my own advice!

Thanks to all of you who have followed this modest little project called Seminary Survival Guide, and who have commented and participated along the way. Some of you may be new to our conversation: welcome! Please make our discussion richer by contributing your own thoughts and insights.

Also, I’m open to guest posts, if you think you might have something edifying and practical to share with seminary students. You can query me at mark (at) seminary survival guide.com.

Next week I’ll post some reflections on time management, based on my first semester of doing Ph.D study and maintaining a full-time ministry position.

A sample:

Make an effort to develop good friendships 

Not only are you making friends for life, who will be a rock for you to lean on during your days in ministry, but you will learn more outside of the classroom in conversations with friends than during lectures. Since this is true, you should take as many classes as you can with your friends, and discuss the lectures and readings as often as possible. I have learned more, and been challenged more, during conversations with friends at Starbucks and over lunch than I would have if I solely relied on my personal study of class lectures.

Have fun

Seminary is a time for serious study and preparation for ministry, but it is also a time to enjoy life. Don’t always act so serious, and take the opportunity to get involved in intramural sports, as well as seek out a hobby other than reading. Always make sure to set aside time during the week to relax with friends and family.

Read the entire post.

On first read, it seems to me that his perspective, and that of those avoiding seminary is (1) essentially pragmatic, and maybe too pragmatic; and (2) true of some seminaries, surely, but definitely not all.

Read and see what you think.

One excerpt:

4. Give yourself time. Many smart people tell themselves pathetic lies like, “I do my best work at the last minute.” Look: It’s not true. No one works better under pressure. Sure, you are a smart person. But if you are writing about a profound problem, why would you think that you can make an important contribution off the top of your head in the middle of the night just before the conference?

Writers sit at their desks for hours, wrestling with ideas. They ask questions, talk with other smart people over drinks or dinner, go on long walks. And then write a whole bunch more. Don’t worry that what you write is not very good and isn’t immediately usable. You get ideas when you write; you don’t just write down ideas.

Full article.

One of the greatest temptations for pastors is to use ministry to hide from and avoid God. It is easy to hide behind your sermons by expecting everyone in the church but yourself to repent and respond. It is easy to avoid dependence on God, depending instead on the buzz that is created with charts, graphs, whiteboards, and visioneering. But shepherding, counseling, and care ministry are also easy ways to do ministry and resist God.

The dangers facing Christ’s under-shepherds are numerous. Some are from without, but many are from within. You can do the right thing for the wrong reasons. You can be a really good shepherd and a really bad Christian.

See the full excerpt at The Resurgence.

In the face of all the multiple demands at seminary, the temptation to laziness can be acute.  I’ve spoken with a number of students who succumb to laziness, to their own hurt.  They have much to get done, but cannot get themselves to do it.

Often laziness will show up as procrastination; or choosing to do distracting or escapist activities instead of the work at hand.  (For instance: Playstation, TV, movies, escapist reading, laying inactive on the couch, etc.)

Some factors that contribute to laziness:

• Physical exhaustion. Often people with high demand jobs or hours get to the point where they are so physically tired they cannot muster the energy to do something else.
• Lack of endurance. When you begin seminary it usually involves greater time demands than you’ve faced before. Adjusting to the amount of work to be done can be difficult when you’re not accustomed to it.
• Mental Paralysis. I am one who can get mentally paralyzed in the face of too many demands. I’ll get overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin, so I’ll do nothing.
• Depression. Indolence and chronic un-motivation can be a symptom of depression.

Most of the time, however, laziness is a sin. The choice to be lazy is a choice, no matter what your circumstances are.  It is a decision of will. The sin of laziness or sloth is about taking more joy in ease than in doing the will of God, or of executing the responsibilities reasonably expected of us.

Factors we’ve mentioned above can worsen the temptation, in the same way a married man’s temptation to lust is more problematic when his wife is out of town or he’s traveling.  But the circumstance is not the problem.

A few theological reminders:

We were created to work. ”The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it (Genesis 2:15)

We are commanded to work. It’s easy to forget the Sabbath commandment (which we routinely break) begins with a command to work for six days.

“Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work….

(Exodus 20:9-10a, emphasis added)

We do need rest. Laziness, however, is not about rest.  It’s about avoiding exertion.

We were saved to do good works. ”For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:10

Remember also the Bible is clear about the results of laziness:

• Fruitlessness (Proverbs 20:4)
• Poor reputation (Proverbs 10:26)
• Lying (Proverbs 22:13)
• Poverty (Proverbs 24:30-34)
• Procrastination (Proverbs 6:9)
• Hindrances (Proverbs 15:19)
• Conceit (Proverbs 26:16)
• Dissatisfaction (Proverbs 13:4)
• Death (Proverbs 21:25)

If you are succumbing to laziness, here are a few suggestions:

Take responsibility. No one is making you lazy; that decision is entirely your own.  Don’t blame it on anyone or anything but yourself.

Be done with excuses.  Your life is not that exceptional.  Quit whining.

Take initiative. Laziness will only go by the exertion of effort on your part.

Look at the big picture of your life. What is it that you want to do?  What’s your purpose in being at seminary?

Try keeping an activity log for a few days. What exactly ARE you doing?  Write everything you do and how long it takes you.  Just being aware of what you’re doing can help.

Break things down. If you find yourself overwhelmed, break down your work into hour long chunks, and assign them to your calendar.  Then you can focus on just one thing at a time.

Simply your schedule. If you have too much to do, look for things you can eliminate or delegate.

Get counseling. Laziness can be a symptom of depression.  Are you depressed?  People in ministry are not immune!  Most seminaries have free counseling-make an appointment.

Go to sleep. If you’re tired, sleep.  Most Americans, in fact, are acutely sleep deprived.  Beware of staying up late watching TV, vegging on the couch.  It is not helping you.  Go to bed.

Exercise. Done right, exercise is energizing, not tiring.  I’m not asking you to run marathons, but a brisk walk will help improve your metabolism, and it will get you moving.

Watch your diet. Eating fresh and healthy choices will help feel more energized.  Fast food can make you lethargic.

Be with people. I find it much easier to be lazy when other people aren’t around.  There is a motivation in community.  Studying in the library might be a good alternative to doing it at home.

Get perspective. You’re at seminary.  Do you know what a gift that is?  Do you know how many third world pastors are pouring themselves out for their people and will never have the opportunity for formal theological education? Be grateful, and work hard.

Repent. Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for your sins so you could avoid work.  Live worthy of the calling you have received.

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God…” Colossians 1:10

Finally, a few quotes:

There is no fatigue so wearisome as that which comes from lack of work. - Charles Spurgeon

Nobody can think straight who does not work. Idleness warps the mind. - Henry Ford

Determine never to be idle… It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.

- Thomas Jefferson

A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he set out, will have condemned himself to second-hand thoughts and to second-rate friends. - Cyril Connolly

(From the archives.)

Related:

Procrastination: Seminary Time Waster #1

Eliminate Time Wasters

The first week of seminary is over, and looming ahead are due dates for reading, papers and tests. You know this because you should have a syllabus for each class, which contains all the assignments you’ll need to complete this semester and their due dates.

This is awesome. It’s a time management bonanza. If you take a few moments to plan well, it can make the semester much easier for you. Carpe Diem!

Here’s what you need to do:

1. Get your calendar. You should have only one calendar, because you have only one life. (Be sure you coordinate well with your spouse and kids.)

2. Note all the dates of your papers and exams.

3. To the best of your ability keep your schedule clear in the week before each exam, and two weeks before each paper due date

4. Schedule recovery time. Be sure to schedule some down time right after mid-terms, and after big assignments are due. Plan to relax a bit. If you schedule a day trip, a date, or some fun activity just after the crunch, it will give you something to look forward to after the big project.

5. Make a note of when the worst crunch times are. Then, if your job allows for any scheduling leeway, let your boss know early. If you’re a valuable employee, she just might work with you.

Following these suggestions should only take an hour or two, and should save you time and frustration all semester long.

(From the archives.)

The true reasons people go into ministry are manifold.  We’ve written at length about the need for divine calling.  But not surprisingly, there are human factors as well.

One major human factor that is widely unacknowledged is personal brokenness.  I’ve never met anyone in ministry who didn’t have some level of emotional wounding in their lives.  In Henri Nouwen’s words, we are “wounded healers.”

There is an upside and a downside to this.  Emotional wounds make us more sensitive to and responsive to the working of God in our lives.  Like Jacob, the wound causes us to stop wrestling and start clinging (Genesis 32).  Properly acknowledged and brought to the feet of Christ, our hurt can be a great vehicle for blessing to others (2 Corinthians 1).

These wounds come in many shapes and sizes. Here are some I’ve seen:

• Strained relationships with parents, especially those who are physically or emotionally absent
• Alcohol or drug abuse, in us or our families
• Traumatic experience
• Early or unexpected loss of a close friend or relative
• Sexual abuse
• Experiences of rejection, isolation or loneliness
• Some other addictive habit or besetting sin
• Physical handicaps

This list is not exhaustive, obviously.  We could add more to the list.  My first question I would pose to you is: what is the primary place of brokenness in you?

It’s possible that some of you will read this and say “This must be wrong, because nothing like this has happened to me.”  Maybe not.  It is possible that you are in denial, but I’m content to admit that you may be a happy exception to the rule.

But for the rest of us, whom I’m convinced are in the majority, it is critical to the success of our ministries that we learn to be stewards of our brokenness.

Brokenness has a couple of snares.  First of all, the same emotional need that drives us to God can easily drive us to sin.  The temptation is to find quick satisfaction and relief from pain in a forbidden distraction.  Many people in ministry flip back and forth between pursuing their healing in Christ, and pursuing some relief in alcohol, pornography, relational dependency, or escapism of other kinds. Unchecked by healthy accountability, this snare can easily lead to moral failure and an ignominious end to your ministry.

The second snare is far more pernicious.  It is very possible to be driven to Christ by your emotional wounds, and then fail to fully acknowledge and address them and apply to gospel to them.  Ministry can become a cloak to hide behind.  When our wounds are not properly acknowledged and addressed, they will fester, turn poisonous, and seep out everywhere.  There are plenty of people like this in the church and in ministry, who are inadvertently damaging the church.

I remember the first time I recognized this.  I knew two individuals in one church whose passion for the Lord was very apparent.  Casual visitors to their church would have said that these two were the most spiritual people in the congregation.  One was a man who was deeply committed to prayer, ready to serve, and always very enthusiastic.  As I got to know him I discovered that his prayerfulness was a cloak for a massive spiritual pride-entirely unacknowledged by him-that annoyed his wife and drove his children away from Christ.

Another was a woman-passionate, eager, hard-working, and idealistic.  Her fervor covered a deep father-wound that came out in manipulation, undermining authority, and a need for control that bordered on insanity.  These two people, who on the surface appeared most spiritually together, were in reality the most emotionally messed up people in that church. Their loud display of commitment to Christ was not sufficient to counteract the bitter poison of an untreated wound.

I heard this week about an associate pastor whose insecurity and control issues are about to cost him his job-for the third or fourth time.  If we are to have an enduring ministry, we must steward our brokenness well.

The gospel of the love of Christ is the ultimate solution to our emotional wounds and our proclivity to sin.  Stewarding our brokenness means

• Fully acknowledging our wounds
• Pursuing our healing and satisfaction in Christ
• Submitting to regular accountability in healthy community

A few questions:

• How are you emotionally wounded, and how does it affect you?
• How are you pursuing your healing in Christ?
• Who is asking you about it on a regular basis?

It’s important that we come to clear and definite answers on these questions.