SeniorsAloud

STEPS FORWARD TO GO, MORE TO GO

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 10:02:00 +0000

The writer acknowledges that Malaysians are fortunate to live in a country where women’s rights are recognised. However, she notes that work still needs to be done towards increasing women’s participation in sectors like political and corporate leadership. — Freepik

My mother’s generation grew up in the World War Two era when women had no voice, no official role to play in society. They were the family nurturer and caregiver, roles thrust upon them which they accepted without complaint or protest.

Being meek and submissive were much sought-after virtues in young women of those days. Many didn’t even have a say in who they wanted as their life partner. Their parents or professional matchmakers made the choice for them.

They were brought up to be seen, not heard.

I recall a quote which compares women to a bonsai tree. It alludes to how, when society keeps women small, and restricts their growth, their branches can shelter no birds and their wood is never allowed to reach its strength. A similar sentiment was expressed by poet Marge Piercy, in her poem A Work Of Artifice, in which she uses the metaphor of the bonsai tree to describe how a woman’s growth is often deliberately curtailed by social expectations and patriarchal norms.

Women were like ornaments if they were pretty, much like the trophy wives of today. But if they were poor and rough, they were like work-horses. That was the worth of women in the old days.

The women from my mother’s era were mostly tough physically and mentally, often raising as many as 10 children singlehandedly, and managing all the housework literally with bare hands, while the men went out to work. And when the men returned home, the women looked after them too.

They were multi-skilled and could handle several diverse roles equally well – from doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeding, nursing, disciplining and inculcating values in their children. It was a life of daily sweat, toil and stoicism.

The true emancipation of women came with access to education, from school right up to university. The women from my generation of Baby Boomers were the first to benefit from this. Paper qualifications opened the door to better jobs and financial independence. Women learned to drive and that gave them the freedom to venture further afield, explore more opportunities, develop confidence and cultivate a spirit of adventure.

Education opened up not only their eyes but more importantly, their minds. Women began to change their mindset and shed of their “I’m not good enough” mentality. They stopped viewing themselves as good only for child-bearing, housekeeping and bed-warming. They realised that given the right opportunities and support, they could excel in anything they chose.

The Malaysia Gender Gap Index (MGGI), 2025 records a small but positive rise in women’s participation in almost every sector. The exception is political empowerment where women represented only 16.1% of ministerial positions, and 13.5% in the House of Representatives. This disparity is significant and highlights the ongoing challenges in achieving gender balance in political leadership in Malaysia. As we shall see, this has ramifications in passing legislations to protect vulnerable women – those identified as poor, single, elderly, without much education, and unable to fend for themselves.

It’s also an uphill task for women to shine in the corporate sector.

Opportunities are there but limited, and gender discrimination is still practised. There is always this nagging concern that it’s money down the drain to train women and groom them into captains of industry. Once they are in the family way, they either go on extended maternity leave or opt out of the work force altogether to raise their children. It is no wonder young women opt to delay marriage and having children for as long as possible, or choose to remain single. Career and financial security come first.

Formidable force

Along with jobs came earning power and purchasing power. Today women consumers are a formidable force that cannot be ignored. They spur growth in the market and the economy. Among older women, the power of female consumers is even more profound as they are now reaping the benefits of having their retirement savings at their disposal.

Women are born shoppers. Women shop not only for themselves, but also for their children, their husbands and for their home. They decide what household appliances to buy, what groceries and health supplements for the family.

Increasingly, they are shopping for technical products too, such as laptops, mobile phones and other gadgets.

It is common knowledge from decades of observations that in most family households, it is the lady of the house who wields considerable influence on her husband when making decisions on big item purchases. A joint account also gives women more freedom to make purchases. They are often the ones who do the bookings, make reservations and handle the family’s accounts and budget. The rise in the number of single professional women as well as single moms further enlarges the pool of female consumers.

Indeed, women are making their numbers count in almost every sector of the economy and industry. More younger women are emerging as successful entrepreneurs, with many running their own online businesses.

We are fortunate to live in a country where women’s rights are recognised and the government places importance on the safety and protection of women and children.

Senior women (and one male ally) at the recent ‘Women in Tech: Innovating, Leading, Transforming the Future’ conference held in Kuala Lumpur, in conjunction with International Women’s Day recently. — LILY FU

Yes, we have come a long way since my mother’s World War Two days, thanks to decades of advocacy by women leaders like Zainah Anwar, Maria Chin Abdullah, Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan and Ivy Josiah. We are indebted to women-led NGOs like WAO (Women’s Aid Organisation), AWAM (All Women’s Action Society) and SIS Forum (formerly Sisters in Islam). They have remained strong defenders of women’s rights.

The United Nations’ theme for International Women’s Day 2026 is “Rights. Justice. Action. For all women and girls.”

The fact that the UN sees the need to choose this theme is an indication that there is still work to be done to stop violence, discrimination and exploitation of women and girls.

We need to push for reforms in the protection of older women and men. According to the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry, almost 16% of the 30,228 cases of domestic violence from 2020 to January 2025 involved elderly victims. This is probably the tip of the iceberg. Official cases cannot be relied on as many abused elderly do not make reports, especially when the abuser is a family member.

With less than 16% women leaders in ministerial posts, it will be a long slow wait for legislation to be passed to protect our elderly against abuse and neglect. It has been more than 15 years since the Maintenance of Parents Act was brought up. Every year we are told the Senior Citizens Bill will be tabled, read in Parliament and passed. Well, there is still no sign of it.

How many more years do the elderly have to wait? Many are already in their twilight years.

The overall report card on the role of women going forward is fairly positive. Both the private and public sectors should be prepared and be ready to adjust projections for the 2030s and beyond.

Whether it’s on the domestic front, in social and corporate circles, in the economy, in aged care and retirement homes, the future is definitely female. And it’s not only because women enjoy longer life expectancy, it’s because they are making their presence felt in almost every sphere and walk of life. They are proving their worth after a history of suppression, repression and servitude. They are finally coming out on their own. There are still miles to go but there is momentum, there is acceleration, and that is an encouraging sign.

We have learned to appreciate small blessings, however slow they are in coming.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star on Wed 11 March 2026. It can be accessed HERE.)

FINDING FULFILMENT IN RETIREMENT

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Mon, 02 Mar 2026 14:35:00 +0000

I retired in 2005 after teaching at the same school for 30 years. The first two years of retirement were blissful. I enjoyed the freedom of not having to wake up at dawn to get to work by 7am.

I had plenty of time on my hands to do what I wanted, go where and when the travel bug took me. After two years of self-indulgence, a certain emptiness, even boredom, started to creep in. I simply couldn’t see myself spending the next 20 years or more aimlessly drifting from one interest to another, searching for something that would ignite a passion in me.

I attended enrichment courses, signed up for personal development workshops and the like. I was searching, waiting, for what I didn’t know at the time. In the process I obtained certificates, one after another, qualifying me to conduct training workshops in leadership skills and language mastery. Still the vague feeling of something missing in my life remained.

I am sharing this as I know most newly retired seniors will experience this initial joy of freedom from work responsibilities and stress, like I did, and later on discover that retirement can be a long period of adjusting to a new chapter of life and plenty of searching for that elusive “meaning in life”.

How we handle this period of uncertainty will determine how our retirement years will turn out. With longer life spans, we need to find something that captures our interest and sustains it long enough to keep us looking forward to each new day. Otherwise, retirement can be long endless days of boredom. The days will stretch into weeks, months and years of emptiness, eventually leading to loneliness, depression and health issues. More so for those in their 80s, and living alone. One can see why some reach a point of saying they have nothing left to live for.

Where hope resides

I am a firm believer in hope, and in never giving up. Where there is hope, something will come our way. That was what happened to me.

In 2008 I read in the newspapers about a four-day programme for pre-retirees and retirees to help them “find purpose in the golden years”. It caught my attention. This was exactly what I was looking for.

It was an open invitation for Malaysians aged 50 and above to participate in the MIM-RAMLEA Life Enrichment programme, organised by the Malaysian Institute of Management (MIM) and supported by Konrad Adenauer Stiftung (KAS), Germany. The Raja Mohar Life Enrichment Awards (RAMLEA) Programme was named after the late YABM Raja Tun Mohar Raja Badiozaman, who served as the second MIM President.

It was just the opportunity for me, as I was still in search of my life’s purpose.

I immediately sent in my application and was fortunate to be among the 30-odd men and women selected for the free residential programme which ran from Oct 16-19, 2008 at the Flamingo Hotel in Ampang, Kuala Lumpur.

It was an intensive four days of talks, discussions, field visits and fellowship, beginning at 8.30am with the first talk of the day, and ending at 10.30pm with a group discussion and reflection.

The participants came from all walks of life. The common denominator was their age group. All were retiring or retired senior citizens, with the oldest aged 70. We were there probably for the same reason – to find out how we could render our services to society. To help us discover our purpose in life, the MIM-RAMLEA programme raised our awareness in areas such as community development, environmental conservation and volunteerism.

A week before the programme commenced, participants were sent a collection of required readings centered on Universal Values and Human Renewal. These included extracts from the speeches and writings of world luminaries like Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Hans Kung, Amartya Sen, Konosuke Matsushita, and our very own Harun Hashim. I found the readings intellectually stimulating.

To those wanting to work for the betterment of society, it was imperative that they understood universal values such as human rights, rule of law, and global ethics.

We had group discussions to brainstorm each of the readings, and came up with a list of 15 universal values and 15 concerns that mattered most to us as fellow Malaysians. Top of the list for universal values (in no particular order) were integrity, love, compassion, understanding, respect, and wisdom. Corruption, disharmony, poverty, environmental degradation, injustice and indifference were among the main concerns.

It made sense to me personally, that before we could even begin to help others, we should start with ourselves. Do we have the right mindset, the right attitude and the right attributes to embark on a mission to help the less fortunate in society? How serious are we in volunteering to help? Do we know enough of what’s at stake? If our answer to all these questions is no, then our contribution in terms of our dedication, time and effort would not be sustainable. We would soon give up after the initial enthusiasm of doing good.

We were introduced to the selfless work of NGOs such as Nasam (National Stroke Association of Malaysia) and Salam (Yayasan Salam Malaysia). We also paid a visit to the Malaysian Association for the Blind (MAB). The latter was an eye-opener for many of us. We wondered whether we had in us the same level of commitment and passion shown by volunteers like Puan Rosnah Alimuda, who had spent 35 years of her life (at the time) teaching visually-impaired children to read, write and count using Braille.

Participants were given a basic test to check their vital statistics for optimal health. Imagine our shock when we were told that the majority of us (including the thinnest) were classified as obese! It was truly a wake-up call for us to take better care of our health.

We tend to emphasise the importance of having good health, but often overlook the importance of cultivating a healthy mind. Participants went through a meditation session where we learned how to calm our mind. We were given an insight into how being mindful can positively impact our lives. Recommended reading were Eckhart Tolle’s two books: The Power Of Now and A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose.

Thanks to the MIM-RAMLEA programme, I finally found my purpose and direction in my golden years – to commit my time, energy and resources to serving the community, in particular, the community of senior citizens. Being one myself, I could relate to the needs and problems they go through.

A chosen path

Once my future direction was clear, everything fell into place. As I have often shared in my talks and conversations with the young and not so young alike, never give up even when the path you have chosen is fraught with challenges. Keep going.

When your passion is strong, it acts like a magnet drawing the right people to help you, attracting the resources to sustain you. It has worked extremely well for me, and it will work for you too.

Why am I sharing the above? It is to encourage retirees to do something constructive with the time they have. There are many NGOs that need more hands, more funds. Choose one that gels with you: Wildlife conservation, animal protection, recycling, preserving cultural heritage, mentoring youths, elder care, advocacy.

It can be helping out at soup kitchens or spending time cheering up the elderly at an aged care facility. We can also come up with projects to help raise much-needed funds for welfare organisations. If we can’t donate money, we can donate our time, our energy, our expertise. There is a certain satisfaction in knowing that we have helped. Volunteerism benefits us too. It promotes social interaction, builds confidence, and leads to overall wellbeing. It gives us a sense of achievement to know that we are not idling away, complaining of boredom and loneliness.

Let’s ask ourselves what we can do to help. Then go and offer it. We will find a sense of purpose and meaning in our retirement years. A sense of pride and peace too.

Trust me. It’s been an 18-year journey of community service and advocacy for seniors. I am still waking up each morning in anticipation of what the new day will bring, and what I can do to make it a good day for others too.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on Wed 11 Feb 2026. It is accessible HERE.)

NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 03:43:00 +0000

It’s easy to say that age is just a number but when faced with the reality of our reflection in the mirror, we can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness and regret. — GRACE WILLIAM

Another new year has begun. Another year older for all of us. While the young eagerly look forward to a year full of possibilities, the old wish they could slow down the merciless march of time.

It’s easy to say that age is just a number but when faced with the reality of our reflection in the mirror, we can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness and regret. Can’t we slow down time? Can’t the hours stretch a bit longer? Can’t the earth spin a little slower?

A friend remarked this morning in our chat group that it’s quite depressing for seniors to be reminded that we will be one year older, and one step closer to kicking the bucket.

It’s true Baby Boomers are looking much younger than their age these days. After all, 60 is the new 40, they say, thanks in part to cosmetic aids and medical advances.

However, there are certain parts of the body that reveal our real age, that no amount of clever cosmetic tricks will cover up for long. Let’s leave aside surgical procedures that enhance one’s physical appearance. After all, how many of us have the financial resources to go down that expensive route to looking “youthful”?

This tongue-in-cheek post is dedicated to those among us to whom “60 is the new 40” does NOT apply. We look our age, and for some, even older than our age!

Facing the hard truth

Ageing doesn’t arrive all at once. It settles gradually into different parts of the body, sometimes so subtly we barely notice. While these changes are natural and deeply individual, some areas tend to reflect age more clearly than others. This list looks at 10 body parts that often reveal how time leaves its mark.

1. Face

No prizes if you got this right. The lines on our face tell the truth – that we are no spring chicks. More like autumn turkeys if you know what I mean. The lines reveal our age just like the rings on a tree tell how long it has been around.

2. Knees and elbows

From years of wear and tear, the skin covering these joints resemble the roughness and toughness of elephant skin or alligator skin. Take your pick.

3. Skin

Like the migratory birds that fly south during the winter months, our skin goes south too. Unfortunately for us, it is a permanent southward migration. In old age, our skin loses its elasticity and literally “hangs loose”.

4. Eyes

From “dreamy eyes” to “droopy eyes”. If only we could iron out those laughter lines or “crows feet” that surface each time we laugh out loud. No wonder we seldom see older women react to jokes no matter how hilarious!

5. Neck

Now you know why older women wear scarves or opt for clothes with a high collar despite the discomfort in our hot weather. The dreaded “turkey neck” syndrome afflicts all of us, sooner or later.

Our wrinkled, gnarled hands are often a dead giveaway of our age. — Pexels

6. Hands

There is no way we can hide our wrinkled, gnarled hands. They are a dead giveaway of our age. When my grandson was four, he was fascinated by the folds on my hands and kept trying to see if he could smoothen them out!

7. Hair

Not only does our hair turn grey, silver, white, it goes into free-fall whenever we brush it. The horror of removing clumps of hair from the hair brush and from the bathroom floor. See a senior man wearing a cap, you can bet he’s hiding a bald patch.

8. Teeth

The number dwindles with advancing age. Only solution – dentures or implants. That explains why most older folks prefer soft foods, and why they avoid showing teeth when they smile.

9. Breasts

This affects women more than men. No longer firm and perky, the breasts now swing freely and resemble a certain elongated fruit – papaya. Padded bras are the cheaper alternative for those who can’t afford breast implants or dread surgery of any kind.

10. Private parts

This body part in older men spends more time hanging down than pointing up. No amount of massage or Tongkat Ali will revive it to its former glory. Fortunately, there’s the little blue pill – a life-saver for grandpas that still want some action.

Look beyond the signs of ageing

Depressing, isn’t it? We miss how we used to look. No wonder many of us avoid looking in the mirror, especially a full-length one. The years do take a toll on our body.

If we look at ourselves in the mirror when we wake up on the first day of the new year, and especially on the morning of our birthday each year, if all we see are sagging skin and greying hair or a bald patch, no wonder we feel depressed.

The secret is to switch our focus, to look beyond, or deep inside that reflection in the mirror. We will see that youthful, playful spirit still dwelling within all of us. Try it. I have, and I can tell you it works!

Growing old is natural and inevitable. So why fight it or try to reverse it? We should look at our wrinkles as life-lines of experience, and our greying hair as threads of wisdom.

Begin each day with a smile at ourselves in the mirror. Say “Hi” to that person smiling back at us. Not only does smiling make us look younger, it also brightens up our day. No need for Botox fillers or cosmetic surgery. Share that smile with the people we come into contact with during the day.

Or would we rather wake up grouchy and whining about our aches and pains, and complaining about how the world owes us our happiness? Do we want to spend the whole day spreading misery to those around us, and looking for people to wallow in self-pity with? What an utter waste of precious time! No wonder we are poor company for our friends and grandchildren!

And we wonder why young people see us as decrepit old fogies ready to crumble into dust or ashes any minute. That’s how many of us see ourselves too. Is that why we avoid looking at the mirror unless we have our make-up on? A smile works much better than cosmetics – it lifts up our face instantly and pushes back the years.

Let’s focus on our many blessings. We should be grateful we can wake up to greet each new dawn and enjoy each beautiful sunset. As is often said, growing old is a privilege denied to many. This is so true as we all know of friends who have left us way too soon.

Looking great has a lot to do with feeling great. It’s more important to remain young at heart and in spirit than looking young in appearance. A truly loving spouse or friend will see beyond the external and look deep into that beauty of soul and spirit that still reside inside all of us. We must continue to nurture that inner youthfulness and keep it forever young.

It’s really up to us, isn’t it, how we want to live each day, each year. Let’s not smile only for the camera. Let’s have a smile in our hearts too. Smile more and spread smiles as we welcome another new year.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on Wed 14 Jan 2026. It is accessible HERE.)

MY ETERNAL GRATITUDE TO MY ROLE MODEL - TERESA HSU

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sat, 27 Dec 2025 11:49:00 +0000

Teresa with adopted son Sharana Rao

The first time I met Singapore’s supercentenarian, Teresa Hsu, was on Oct 20, 2008, a day after attending the MIM- RAMLEAN life enrichment programme. I had just spent four days from 16-19 Oct with 32 senior citizens ranging from 50 to 70 years of age. We were all looking to discover meaning and purpose in our sunset years, and here was a 110-year old woman who had already found her calling early in life.

Teresa had been invited by YPO (Malaysia Chapter) for a dialogue session on “Healthy at 110”. 110 and still actively involved in community work and traveling around to give motivational talks. How does she do it? I most certainly wanted to find out from her.

My daughter, Belle, with Teresa after the talk.

I was half expecting to see a frail, wrinkly old lady with fading eyesight and hearing loss. When I finally met her, I was completely bowled over by her clarity of vision, her infectious laughter, her natural wit and her mental agility. She could have easily passed for 40 years younger.

Teresa’s life story makes for fascinating reading. Born in 1898 in Guangdong, China, she has lived in three different centuries and seen more than she wanted of the horrors of war, hunger, poverty and disease.

(Image: Singapore Remembers)

From the age of four, Teresa learned to make herself useful with a broom. Her world was one of constant sweeping, cleaning and doing housework. She was deprived of an education in China where only males were allowed to attend school. But when her family moved to Penang in 1927, she managed to persuade the nuns at the convent where she was working as a cleaner to let her study with the children. Four years later, she passed her Senior Cambridge. With that under her belt, she left for Hongkong, and later Chongqing to work as a stenographer and bookkeeper with a German news agency.

In 1937, she quit her job and volunteered to help the injured soldiers during the Sino-Japanese War. When World War Two broke out, Teresa was once again witness to the suffering of the sick and wounded. Determined to learn nursing so that she could better help those in need of medical attention, she left for London in 1947. Despite being overaged at 47, her sincerity and dedication helped her gain acceptance into the Royal Free Hospital where she developed her nursing skills over the next eight years.

While in London, she joined the International Voluntary Service for Peace and travelled around Europe to help the needy and promote peace. Hearing about her willingness to serve in return for food and lodging, Bruderhof, a German charity group, invited Teresa to work with German Jewish refugees in hospitals and homes in Paraguay. She was to remain there for the next eight years.

Teresa and her volunteers dishing out food for the poor
and hungry. (Image: Singapore Remembers).

In her mid-50s, Teresa returned to Malaysia to see her ailing mother. While there she also helped her brother start the Assunta Foundation in Ipoh. She later went on to establish three homes for the elderly and two homes for young girls and the neglected, all in Ipoh.

In 1961, Teresa went to live with her older sister, Ursula, in Singapore. Seeing how devoted Teresa was to helping the less fortunate, Ursula bought a piece of land with her savings from her work as principal of the Convent for the Holy Infant Jesus in Bukit Timah. There Teresa started Singapore’s first Home for the Aged Sick in 1965 at the age of 67.

(Image: Wikipedia)

In 1970, with the increase in the number of inmates and the lack of funds to keep the Home running, the sisters signed over the deeds of the Home to the Rotary Club which then took over the management of the Home. It was renamed Society for the Aged Sick. Teresa stayed on as matron till 1980 when she was asked to retire at age 83.

(Image: Wikipedia)

Not one to settle for passive retirement, Teresa started the Heart-to-Heart Service with her co-worker Sharana Yao from her sparsely-furnished house next to the Society for the Aged Sick. Today she remains actively involved in the weekly distribution of food and provisions to the elderly in need.

A keen practitioner of life-long learning, Teresa continues to expand her knowledge by reading and learning new skills. She has a collection of more than 2000 books all donated, and is currently reading the Bhagavad-Gita for the eighth time. It’s incredible that at her age she reads without the aid of glasses. At 69, she learned yoga and has incorporated it into her daily rituals. At 90, she embraced Buddhism. At 100, she picked up Mandarin and now speaks it fluently. She also speaks Malay, French, German, Spanish and four Chinese dialects. At present, Teresa is busy learning Sanskrit.

When asked about her longevity, Teresa attributes it to a spartan lifestyle, a vegetarian diet, healthy habits, and a positive outlook on life.

Some quotable quotes from Teresa:

"I never harbor negative thoughts as this will distract my focus in getting on with life and work."

“There are no naughty children – only naughty parents.”

“When you greet people with a smile, people will feel happy and smile back. If you pull a long face, people will not feel happy and pull a long face back at you.”

“Crying wastes tissue paper, and cuts down trees. It’s better to laugh.”

“If you see someone fall, you do not ask him why he did not see the stone. You help him up and ask him to be more careful next time.”

“If I’m married, I make only one man happy. If I’m not married, I make many people happy.”

“The answers are not from me. They are just out there.”

“The world is my home, all living beings are my brothers and sisters, selfless service is my religion.”

“I prefer to laugh than to weep. Those people who cry to me, I say is your body full of water? I always tell them it is better to laugh than to use tissue paper, as laughing is free but tissue paper costs five cents. 'Ha ha ha' costs no cents.”

“If I stay at home, I just ha-ha to myself. If I go out and ha-ha with 20 people, I make 20 people happy.”

“I don’t give. Giving means I have and you don’t have. I share – I share all I have, except ice cream and durians!”

“The whole world is one big family. All human beings are related to me. We may not have the same surname, but we share the same universal surname – human beings. And that’s good enough for me.”

“What do I think about death? I don’t know. I haven’t been there yet. Have you?”

"No one has ever explained religion or spirituality satisfactorily to me. My religion is my conscience, and my conscience guides me."

“If you think old, you are old. If you think young, you are young. Even when you are 100+, you can still do a lot.”

“Why am I a vegetarian? Do you want to cause pain for your pleasure? Ask yourself that, and you won’t dare to put a knife to their (animals and fish) throat.”

Over the years, Teresa has received numerous accolades in recognition of her humanitarian work. But she remains humble, preferring to shift focus from herself to her work at Heart-to-Heart Service.

Teresa was delighted with the pen Belle gave her.

My daughter, Belle, and I recently spent one whole morning with Teresa and Sharana in Singapore. Teresa graciously welcomed us into her home and even sang a jolly German song and a traditional Cantonese nursery rhyme to entertain us! Teresa enjoys laughing and we had plenty of it that morning.

She was delighted when Belle gave her a pen from an Anthony Robbins seminar she had attended. Teresa amazed us when she proudly read aloud the small inscription "Living is Giving". No need for eye glasses. "I like that," she said simply of both the pen and the inscription.

Later, we joined Teresa and Sharana on their weekly visit to distribute provisions to some elderly ladies in Chinatown. It was a truly enriching and inspiring experience for us to be in Teresa's company and listen to her words of humour and wisdom.

Teresa distributing essential items to the elderly in Chinatown. (Pic: Lily)

Teresa is proof that it really doesn’t take much to live a long, happy, healthy and fulfilling life. As for Teresa herself, she says, “I hope to live till 250! In this world, there are still many poor people who need help from others. I can't leave too soon!"

Teresa loves to read. Here she's browsing
Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now". (Pic: Belle)

May you enjoy double happiness and double longevity, Sister Teresa!

POSTSCRIPT: The above article has been updated and revised from the original written in December 2008. My daughter Belle and I developed a friendship with Teresa till she passed on in December 2011. Our three years with her were fulfilling ones for all of us. Belle helped to make her wish come true - she had wanted to visit her nursing school in the UK one more time. Belle was able to secure a business class return air ticket from Singapore Airlines for Teresa. She accompanied Teresa and Sharana for the entire visit.

Teresa was all smiles to revisit Royal Free Hospital for their centennial.

Like a little girl flying her first kite. A picture of pure joy!

The above photo taken by Belle remains one of my all-time faviurite photo of Teresa. She was eager to try new experiences like flying this beautiful kite. Belle also invited her to watch the night Grand Prix from the hotel where we were staying. On another occasion we introduced her to Anthony Robbins and his wife Sage. They were in Singapore for their 'Unleash the Power Within' event.

Anthony Robbins was honoured to meet Teresa.
(Pic: Belle)

Camera shy. Visiting Teresa at her home.

I have been asked countless times in interviews and by friends what made me start SeniorsAloud, who my role model is, and what drives my purpose in life. This is my reply below.

I started SeniorsAloud blog in May 2008. Blogging was popular then. Facebook was in its early years. It was tough going and a challenge for me to carry on as I was also recovering from a major operation in June. I was ready to give up my plan of starting a seniors community. It was destiny that a few months later in October, I met Teresa. She became my inspiration, and has remained my role model to this day.

On looking back over the years, I owe Teresa my inner strength, my passion in serving the elderly, and my continuing journey in active living and lifelong learning.

THE FIGHT FOR DIGNITY IN LATER LIFE

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sat, 27 Dec 2025 06:39:00 +0000

The United Nations Human Rights Day falls on December 10 every year. The Bar Council has been organising the Human Rights Festival since the first one in 2022. This year, the event was extra significant as Chief Justice Datuk Seri Utama Wan Ahmad Farid Wan Salleh was there to launch the MyBar Pro Bono Hub. The initiative offers a range of services, including support to help seniors access their legal rights.

These rights (or principles) cover the right to independence, participation, care, self-fulfillment and dignity.

Let me comment on each of these five rights. My views come from my personal interaction with the homeless elderly during the months filming on location in the inner-city areas, and from my conversations with members of my senior community.

The right to independence

Older persons should have the right to decide for themselves, where they want to live in their old age, what to eat, how to dress, who to go out with, how to spend their time and money, and which aged care home to move to.

This also extends to their will and legacy, who and what to bequeath to; their relationships, whether they should get married again or just co-habitate with someone they like. In short, any decision that concerns them. Their adult children and well-meaning friends may offer advice, but the final decision rests with them.

Independence also covers end-of-life decisions including how they want to depart i.e. burial or cremation, what religious rites or none at all, indeed, all decision right down to the choice of obituary photo. It is their life and they should have a major say in it, as long as they are still capable of making decisions on their own.

The right to participation

Senior citizens looking for a job should not be discriminated against based solely on age. If they meet all the job specifications, they should be given a fair opportunity to be considered for the job. The same applies to participation in learning. Registration for workshops, courses and training should be open to all, including older persons.

If the learners are all older persons, the instructor should be familiar with geragogy – the principles of teaching older learners with age-related limitations, for example, hearing loss and vision impairment.

Participation also extends to retirees who may want to volunteer their service to NGOs or help out at community events and projects. They want to be useful, to do their bit for society. Give them the opportunity to do so. They should also be allowed to start an association, an enterprise or a movement if they have the required capabilities and skills.

Government resources like scholarships for further studies and upskilling opportunities should be made available to retired persons too.

Our booth at the 3rd Human Rights Festival. You can view our documentary 'Meniti Senja' on Youtube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVruZrBSr7Y&t=53s

The right to care

Every human being, from cradle to grave, deserves care. It should come not only from the family, but also from the community, society and government. Care goes beyond healthcare.

It extends to protection, safety and support, shelter and food. When a family no longer cares for its elderly members, that’s when the latter ends up in welfare homes or on the streets.

Take a walk in the downtown city areas, you are bound to come across heart-breaking scenes of elderly men and women rummaging through garbage bins looking for plastic bottles or aluminum cans, or collecting discarded cardboard boxes to sell for a pittance.

These seniors should be enjoying their golden years pursuing their passions and playing with their grandchildren, not eking out a living.

It is hard to understand how anyone could be all alone in the world, with no family members or friends to turn to in times of need.

No one wants to be in a situation like this. No one deserves to be in a situation like this.

It can happen to anyone. Even the wealthy can end up poor and homeless if an unexpected calamity befalls them.

Having good relationships with family and friends reduces the risk of abandonment and social isolation in old age.

The right to self-fulfillment

Think only the young have dreams? Older persons have them too. Retirees now have the time and financial means to make their dreams come true. Some go back to school to earn a degree, some sign up for courses to turn their passion into income, some look for opportunities to improve their singing, dancing or music talent. One senior I know took up a course in Cantonese opera performance. The sky is not even the limit for unfulfilled dreams. Another found his calling in doing commercials.

Love to travel? Go for it. If you have always wanted to travel to Antarctica, go join Yusuf Hashim’s tour group. He’s 79 and has been there several times.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are too old to do something or that you lack the ability to do it. You know yourself best. As oft repeated, If not now, then when? At our age, opportunities don’t come knocking often, not even twice.

The right to dignity

No one should victimise, ridicule or disrespect anyone on the basis of age. Older persons should not be the brunt of ageist jokes or be made to feel worthless just because they may not be well educated or earning an income. In the same breath, seniors must also be deserving of respect in their actions, speech and attitude towards others.

Respect is earned through our behaviour, how we treat others and how we react to situations. We can do better – treat others with respect even when they may not respect us. Life is not a tit-for-tat. Revenge and other toxic emotions should never have a place in our heart. They can poison our health, both physical and mental.

To me, the top three evils that older persons should be protected against are the 3As: Ageism, Abuse, Abandonment. It takes a whole-of-society and a whole-nation approach to stamp out such violations of human rights. In our youth, we helped build the country. When we are no longer in our prime, we should not be marginalised, ignored, forgotten, and worse of all victimised.

We can’t force others to uphold these human rights, but we can start with ourselves. Let’s begin the new year with the commitment to respect others and be a better human being, to care for others, to forgive and forget and to move on, to live life as best as we can, to take care of ourselves and those who can no longer care for themselves. If you can’t do it alone, join a community group or start our own. It’s never too late, and we are never too old to do good.

(The above article was first published in The Star on Wed 17 Dec 2025. It can be accessed under the title 'A Matter of Rights' at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/12/17/the-fight-for-dignity-in-later-life)

The Age of Financial Uncertainty

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Tue, 09 Dec 2025 12:16:00 +0000

What most older working Malaysians look forward to besides retirement is withdrawing their EPF savings. Quite understandable. After all, retirement is sweeter when we have money to spend on what we have been planning for.

We have worked long years and have diligently contributed to Employees Provident Fund (EPF). Finally, it is time to enjoy the fruits of our hard labour!

It came as no surprise, therefore, when World Bank Malaysia recommended recently in their report that the EPF withdrawal age be raised to at least 60, there was swift public outcry to this proposal.

The main thrust of the World Bank Malaysia Report was to argue the case for expanding social pensions and providing coverage for a rapidly ageing population. By 2030 an estimated 15% of our population will be 60 and above. There was an urgent need to ensure no one falls below the poverty line.

Social pension refers to financial support given to the elderly. Eligibility could be means-based or age-based, with contribution coming from government revenues. A good example is the current Bantuan Warga Emas (Senior Citizens Assistance) where eligible elderly receive RM600 a month.

Is this sum adequate? Can the government afford to expand the recipient base? Where would the funds come from? What are the trade-offs?

However, the immediate reaction from the public was not to address the above questions.

These would best be left to the economists and policy-makers, but rather it was aimed at the proposals to raise the EPF withdrawal age from the current 55 for partial withdrawal to 60 for full or monthly/flexible withdrawal. It was also proposed that the retirement age be raised from the present 60.

These proposals did not go down well with EPF contributors.

The World Bank Malaysia Report argued the case for expanding social pension and provide coverage for a rapidly ageing population. The report can be downloaded at
https://www.worldbank.org/en/country/malaysia/publication/should-malaysia-expand-its-social-pension-global-evidence-design-issues-and-options

Cool heads needed

The outcry was not unexpected. Any proposals to delay access to their savings would meet with opposition. We need to have cool heads to reflect on this issue.

First of all, the average life expectancy has gone up to 76. Retirees in their 60s and even early 70s are generally fitter and able to continue working if they choose to. Countries like India and China have raised their retirement age to 60. For Denmark, Australia and the Netherlands, it’s 67. The rest of the world is likely to follow suit.

How would the proposal to expand social pension coverage and adequacy benefit the elderly?

It would certainly help towards poverty reduction for the recipients and their households. It would also reduce financial inequality in the population. Aid recipients will have an option to stop working and help out with the family, for example, in minding the grandchildren.

Relief from the necessity to work will translate into better physical and cognitive health for the recipients – less stress and depression, and improved overall wellbeing.

If the retirement age is raised, workers can save more with EPF, and with compound interest, they can amass a decent nest egg for their old age. This would lighten the financial responsibility for adult children to support their parents. The latter would remain financially independent for a longer period.

It is simple math to estimate how much we need upon retirement based on our current monthly expenses. Multiply that by the number of years we expect to live, and we can get a rough figure. Check that against what we have in our EPF and we should be able to gauge our financial position and decide whether to go back to work. Hence the worldwide trend for countries to raise the retirement age. If we decide to quit the work force at 60 (many even earlier), guess who will have to support them in their old age? Their adult children and the government.

Let’s not forget informal workers such as family helpers, street vendors and gig workers who do not contribute to any institutional savings fund, and therefore have no financial support in their old age.

Even with EPF savings, only around 36% of active contributors meet the existing Basic Savings level of RM240,000 at age 55. Is that sufficient to live on for the next 15 to 20 years?

Based on EPF statistics, 6.3 million members under the age of 55, or 48 per cent, have less than RM10,000 in their accounts. That works out to a retirement income of less than RM42 per month for a period of 20 years! Reflect on that, and we can understand why there is urgent need to expand social pension coverage in Malaysia, as recommended in the World Bank Malaysia report.

Financial literacy

Prudent money management is vital when it comes to ensuring our savings can support us through the years of retirement. Whether we are in the B40 or M40 group, money is never enough. We could always do with more. But where do we draw the line?

Having access to EPF savings or receiving social pension does not necessarily mean we have sufficient funds to see us through our retirement.

For one, we can’t afford to help our grown children with huge sums of money. Remember, retirement funds are for our retirement, and not for expensive weddings, luxury holidays, and children’s tertiary education. While it’s fine to donate small amounts to charity, it’s not okay to be paying for our adult children’s housing mortgage, post-graduate studies, car loans, and credit card debts. They are old enough to fund their own plans and pursuits, and deal with any financial commitments themselves.

Some adult children become so used to parental support that they expect their parents to step in whenever they need an injection of funds. The financial aid has to stop once the children start earning.

With longer life expectancy comes the need for retirees to look after their elderly parents who are in their 90s. That could mean paying for their healthcare and medical expenses.

If there is one single item that will swallow up all our hard-earned savings at one go, it has got to be medical expenses. Long-term care can drain our retirement funds. We are fortunate to have access to free or minimal charges for the elderly at public hospitals and clinics. We should appreciate that.

The smartest tip for retirees to stretch their savings is to invest in an active and healthy lifestyle.

Last week I met with some families with elderly members living in government low-cost apartments (PPR). I wanted to find out how they were managing their household expenses.

For those living alone with minimal savings, receiving RM600 a month is hardly enough. They have been told the current rental of RM124 for their apartment would soon be raised to RM250. They worry about whether they would be evicted if they are unable to keep up with rental payment. They had no knowledge of the proposals in the World Bank Malaysia report. For them, their main concern was bread-and-butter issues and receiving government subsidies, which they say do not adequately cover their living expenses. Still, they are grateful for any support.

A few said they did not receive any financial aid from the government and asked how to apply for it. Not all were aware of the Sumbangan Asas Rahmah (Sara) one-off RM100 cash assistance for Malaysians aged 18 and above to purchase certain provisions effective from November to December this year via their MyKad. There should be a more effective system of keeping the elderly informed of government aid, and how to apply for it.

This is the reality on the ground for these families in the B40 group.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star on Wed 19 Nov 2025. The online version can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/11/20/the-age-of-financial-uncertainty)

THE POWER OF COMMUNITY IN OUR AGEING SOCIETY

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Tue, 18 Nov 2025 08:46:00 +0000

There's a poignant adage that while one mother can care for ten children, ten children often struggle to care for one mother.

Personally, I feel we can no longer bring this up each time there is a discussion about elderly neglect, abuse or abandonment. In the first place, it is becoming a rarity these days to find a family with more than five children. The demographics show a steady decline in the fertility rate. It currently stands at 1.9, down from a high of 2.9 in 2000. The average of one or two children is becoming the norm now for young couples.

Furthermore, children will eventually leave the family home to further their studies or seek employment elsewhere either locally or abroad. The end outcome is the rise in the number of empty nesters. An estimated 10% of our senior citizens live alone. This trend is continuing. Smaller family size means fewer siblings to share the financial, physical and filial responsibility of taking care of their elderly parents.

Not all children will support their parents in their old age. Some can afford to, but choose not to because of long-standing family friction. Many have their own financial commitments to grapple with and a young family to raise. Whatever the case or circumstances, the fact is elderly parents have to fend for themselves.

If they have sufficient savings to see them through the retirement years, well and good. But with advancing age comes a host of health issues, especially non-communicable diseases like diabetes, cancer, stroke that require long term care. The situation is further compounded by soaring medical costs and insufficient or no medical insurance coverage.

Living long, living well

Unless we enjoy good health in our golden years, we’d rather not live to “a ripe old age” if our days are filled with pain and total dependence on others. That’s why we often hear the elderly say it’s better to die than to have no quality of life and be a burden to others.

With longevity, it is not uncommon to find an elderly couple looking after each other in their twilight years. One frail elderly caring for another who is just as frail or worse. Longer life expectancy also means having two sandwich generations – adult children in their 40s looking after their parents in their 70s. And retirees in their 70s looking after their parents in their 90s!

If we factor in the elderly in-laws, that’s a total of at least eight elderly members from both sides and two young children to be responsible for. That’s enough to make young people think thrice about marriage and raising a family.

Reflect on that, and perhaps we can understand why the government is hesitant about introducing a Maintenance of Elderly Parents Act. It has been brought up now and again during the past 20 years or so. But till today, nothing concrete has materialised as far as the Act is concerned. The government is reluctant to hold adult children fully responsible for not taking care of their parents. They may want to but their financial situation may not allow them to do so.

When it comes to taking care of mum and dad, the role of the primary caregiver invariably falls on the daughters, more often than not, on the unmarried daughter. She becomes the obvious sole or primary caregiver. It is a 24-hour responsibility. She does not get any respite, any relief unlike professional staff or relief workers in aged care facilities. They get to enjoy shift work, and go home when the work day is done. They get to destress and recharge for the next day.

It helps if the sole caregiver is able to take a break. That is why we encourage everyone to have a small inner circle of close friends, that can drop by on a regular basis to chat, play a game of mahjong or bridge or have a cookout. Buddies will do that for one another. Looking after an elderly person for a sole caregiver can be lonely and depressing, more so if the elderly person has health issues, is cranky and requires assistance with daily activities. Caregivers need a break from the demanding routine of care duties to avoid burnout.

The columnist (second from left) took part in the recent Care Summit at KLCC which brought focus not only on eldercare, but also care for special needs children. — LILY FU

Available, accessible, affordable

Aged care facilities, daycare centres andhome care services are available but not easily accessible or affordable to every family with an elderly member that requires looking after. Eldercare must meet these criteria: Availability, accessibility, affordability.

All three can be found where we live. It is time for residents’ committees together with the property management team to step up and work together, to go beyond just overseeing the place and collecting maintenance fees.

It’s time to promote the community spirit of neighbours helping neighbours by organising activities to encourage interaction, cooperation, and build trust among residents so that they can reach out and offer assistance whenever a call goes out for help. This can be easily done via a residents’ WhatsApp group to connect a resident looking for a daycare companion for her elderly mother, and a resident who can provide that service. Housewives and retirees make excellent companions for the housebound elderly.

This arrangement can be done on a voluntary basis or for a fee. For the daughter who has full-time job, it means welcome relief to know her mother is safe at home in the company of a neighbour whom she knows and trusts.

Another proposal is to have eldercare services at the work place. Childcare facilities are already available at certain workplaces. This service can be extended to include eldercare. Adult children can leave their parent there rather than leave them alone at home. In fact, retired older persons who are still fit and mobile can be a great help at these facilities either as volunteers or staff members. We have seen in our own families how grandparents and grandchildren enjoy a special bond.

As for the sole caregiver, it is of paramount importance that she has access to outlets and opportunities to destress. A stressed-out caregiver will not only suffer physical and mental health issues, but may inflict physical and psychological abuse on the care recipient. A burnout carer will do more harm than good.

She can join a caregivers’ support group, for example the Alzheimer’s Disease Foundation Malaysia (ADFM), and participate in the activities. She gets to meet other caregivers, share their stories and support one another. Siblings can take turns to do shift duty and look after their elderly parent. It’s a whole-family hands-on approach to caregiving. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. Hence the need for out-of-the box ideas that may or may not work, but are worth a try.

The Selangor state government should be commended for taking the lead in organising the Care Summit from Oct 9 to 11 at KLCC. It brought focus not only on eldercare, but also on caring for OKU and special needs children. Equally welcomed is the emphasis on caregivers, to seek solutions to support them in their caregiving role.

The researchers have done their work in collecting and sharing data, the conference speakers have raised awareness through their talks and the ministry representatives have given their feedback to the policy-makers. Let’s hope it doesn’t stop there. The proposals raised should not languish at the various ministries gathering dust before they finally see the light of day, if at all.

All of us have parents. All of us will grow old one day. We can’t wait for something drastic to happen before we take corrective action. If bureaucratic red tape is unavoidable, let us take the initiative to introduce some of these proposals to our communities, and volunteer to get them implemented. It’s time to act.

(The online article is accessible at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/10/22/the-power-of-community-in-our-ageing-society)

Happy Merdeka, Malaysia Day ... but where are the seniors?

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sun, 12 Oct 2025 02:52:00 +0000

Seventeen days of national celebrations from Aug 31 to Sept 16, including four straight days of holiday for those working, and one week school break. No wonder this year’s Hari Merdeka and Hari Malaysia celebrations were the grandest ever and hard to beat.

Malaysians came out in the tens of thousands at wee hours of the morning to claim the best spots for viewing the parade. And what a spectacular parade it was! A magnificent display of our nation’s progress at Dataran Putrajaya.

A well-deserved round of applause to the organising committee and special mention must be made of the instructors behind the excellent co-ordination of the 2000 “human graphics”. Two thumbs up to all the parade participants. They must have put in countless hours of practice, sacrificed time and sleep to ensure a spectacular parade for all to enjoy. Kudos to all of them.

The parade was truly an impressive showcase of how far Malaysia has come since it achieved independence in 1957. Whether at Dataran Putrajaya or at home viewing the live broadcast on TV, Malaysians watched the parade with pride. The thousands of uniformed men and women smartly marching in step, the dancers in their colourful ethnic costumes, the marching bands, bagpipes included, the show of military might and weaponry from the various armed forces, and the breathtaking aerial formation from the fighter jets. What a show! The corporate sector and GLCs were part of the procession as well.

Yes, Malaysia has certainly come a long way since independence.

However, one group was completely left out from the parade at Dataran Putrajaya. Perhaps it’s only seniors like me who noticed it?

Our warga emas was nowhere to be seen in the parade. Yes, they were there but only as bystanders. Oh, pardon me, I forgot there is now a new term for seniors – warga berusia or “the elderly”.

Probably more appropriate given how the golden retirement years have lost much of the glitter.

A letdown for seniors

The exclusion was a huge disappointment for me. Was there a good reason for it? The very generation that had contributed the best years of their lives, that worked hard to help build the fledgling nation from its birth. They were not acknowledged in the Independence Day Parade!

The young men and women of the 1950s and 1960s – the teachers, doctors, engineers, railroad workers, tin miners, rubber tappers, farmers, clerks, shopkeepers. They had put their shoulders to the plough to build the nation. This post-WW2 generation are now in their late 70s and 80s. Their years of contribution to nation-building should never be forgotten.

They had toiled together regardless of race and religion to build a future for their children in the newly independent country. It was a time of true harmony in diversity in the towns and villages. There was no need for slogans to remind them that they were all satu keluarga, satu negara (one family, one nation). Just ask the neneks and datuks.

So how is it that there was no visible participation of senior citizens in the Merdeka Day parade at Dataran Putrajaya?

Was it an honest omission, an oversight? Perhaps the organisers were not aware of the existence of NGOs for senior citizens, such as the National Council of Senior Citizens Organisations Malaysia (NACSCOM), Pusat Aktiviti Warga Emas (PAWE) and University of the Third Age (U3A) Malaysia, to name a few.

These groups could have participated in the parade. Perhaps the organisers felt senior citizens were too frail and weak to participate in a parade that would require long hours of rehearsal?

If the hunky men from the Fire Department units could participate riding on their fire engines, the elderly representatives from the NGOs could have done the same. No need to march or walk.

Children from primary schools were part of the procession, so were cats, dogs and horses. But senior citizens? No sign of them among the 14,000 that took part in the parade.

There were contingents from the various ministries including Defence, Communications, Housing and Sports, all proud to be part of the parade. I could be wrong but I didn’t see any representation from the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry. Yet another exclusion.

It would have been easy enough to have a decorated float carrying some OKU, senior citizens, mothers and children, all smiling their brightest, and waving to the crowds at Dataran Putrajaya.

Likewise, at the gala concert following the official launch of the five-day Pesta Budaya Malaysia by PM Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim at Taman Titiwangsa. Well done to the organising team.

It was a monumental undertaking to put together a concert of this magnitude to showcase the rich cultural diversity of Malaysia. Each performance segued seamlessly to the next without a nanosecond pause or technical hitch.

The audience was treated to a scintillating smorgasbord of dance, song and fashion. There was something for everyone to enjoy and applaud. Malaysia, Truly Asia.

Youth culture was not forgotten. More than a dozen teenagers in street fashion came on stage and awed everyone with their hip hop and breakdance moves. Its not exactly Malaysian culture but probably to show that our culture is age-inclusive. Is it, really?

Where were our veteran singers, dancers and musicians? Their heydays may be gone, but they can still perform and entertain. Veteran singers like Datuk Khadijah Ibrahim, Datuk Sheila Majid, Datuk DJ Dave, Datuk Zainal Abidin should have been invited.

It is unfortunate that senior citizens are often lumped into a single broad category of those aged 60 and above. And that could mean up to 100 years old. But there are huge differences between the young-old (60 to 75) and the old-old (90 and above).

It would be most helpful if policy-makers be familiar with the different needs and abilities of each senior age group. We should not view all senior citizens as ‘too old’ to be employed. The young-old in their 60s and 70s are still economically productive, still able to contribute to nation-building. Their vast experience should be tapped.

My point in mentioning these examples is this – if we exclude our seniors in major national events and continue to sideline them, we are perpetuating the negative perception of seniors as too frail, too senile to play an active role in the public sphere. No wonder ageism still exists in our society!

Such archaic views explain why seniors are not taken seriously. Their voice is often not heard, even though their numbers are growing.

Don’t write off the young-old, especially those in their 60s and 70s. They are still economically productive and with their vast working experience, they are a potential source of manpower.

Unity in diversity should include diversity in age. Any national-level celebration, whether in a parade, a TV promo, or a print ad should also feature senior citizens and not only children and young adults. Be inclusive.

We have a fast-growing ageing population that needs to be acknowledged and appreciated in ways other than in aged care.

Let’s not sideline our warga berusia. Involve them. They are part of the Malaysian family too.

Is that too much to ask?

(The above article was first published in the print edition on Wed 24 Sept at this link: https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/09/28/happy-merdeka-malaysia-day--but-where-are-the-seniors)

Reflections on Merdeka: Past and Present

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Tue, 23 Sep 2025 12:22:00 +0000

The countdown to Merdeka Day has begun. Each year come August, patriotic Malaysians bring out the national flag from the cupboard and display it outside their homes. The whole country is decked out in the red, white and blue of the Jalur Gemilang.

The airwaves are filled with theme songs from past National Day celebrations. This year’s theme song, Malaysia Madani (Rakyat Disantuni), is fast gaining popularity. Of all the patriotic songs, Sejahtera Malaysia remains a firm favourite. We know the lyrics so well. We sing about the peace, harmony and prosperity of Malaysia, about facing challenges together as one people. The song evokes pride in being citizens of Malaysia.

But do we mouth the words without fully understanding the meaning? Or do we sing with feeling and pride, rejoicing and feeling blessed that we are citizens of this beautiful country called Malaysia?

Which begs the question – is this show of patriotism exhibited only once a year? What about the other eleven months? Do we genuinely love our country and its people as depicted in all the Hari Merdeka commercials and adverts? Smiling happy children representing each ethnic group dressed in their traditional attire, waving mini flags.

Do they truly represent the happy people of Malaysia? Or is all this a facade? It depends on who you ask.

If you ask the baby boomers born before 1957, the year when our country gained independence from colonial rule, they will tell you they miss those carefree days of the 1960s which they often describe as a time of togetherness, with less emphasis on difference.

Then, it was our common identity that united the different ethnic groups.

Things feel different today. What’s changed?

Truly Malaysian

Whenever I am asked about my nationality, I have always answered Malaysian. If pressed further, I will say I am Chinese Malaysian, rather than Malaysian Chinese. There is a subtle but important difference between the two.

It depends on what you prioritise. Your answer is a subconscious revelation of whether you regard nationality or ethnicity as more important.

Let us look for things that unite us, rather than those that divide us. Food is a wonderful example. We get to enjoy an almost limitless variety of food from all the different ethnic groups.

Visit a food court for a meal. You will be spoilt for choice. We also enjoy a rich diverse culture of music, dance and language.

Sports is another unifying force. We root for our national teams and players at international sports and games. In badminton, when Malaysia plays against China, who do Chinese Malaysians root for? Malaysia, without hesitation.

Malaysia is a country blessed with natural beauty. There are scenic places like our idyllic islands and hill resorts that we can escape to for a break from the stress of work, and the hustle and bustle of urban life.

The tropical climate suits us just fine. Aside from the occasional floods, there are no natural disasters such as volcanic eruptions, typhoons and the like.

As for the people, Malaysians are friendly and helpful once you get to know them on a personal level, especially those in the rural areas. They open their homes to you and welcome you to visit them.

Indeed, Malaysians are known for their hospitality and warm smiles. We can see why tourists love to visit our country, and why many have made it their second home in their retirement years.

We are blessed to call Malaysia our home. For me, personally speaking, Malaysia is the only homeland I know. I was born here, bred here and one day will die here. Why do some politicians label Malaysians like me “pendatang” and tell us to go back to China? I have given more than 30 of my best years in service to the nation, teaching and nurturing thousands of young minds.

Even in my retirement, I continue to contribute in community service for the elderly, regardless of their race.

Malaysia, can I call myself a daughter of this land?

Unity in diversity

Yes, there are 1,001 things to love about Malaysia. Unfortunately, that love is sometimes overshadowed by individuals who style themselves as heroes but end up stoking division.

These are the loose cannons ever ready to shoot incendiary rhetoric from their mouths without a thought about the damage they are inflicting on our society, our people.

Diversity is very important to me. I make it a point to seek it in my friends, in my group activities and also in my studies. Learning is much richer when we share views and opinions, and appreciate that we can learn from one another.

It increases our knowledge, and sharpens our minds. It encourages critical thinking and analysing.

Diversity enriches our experiences, and enhances creativity and innovation.

Failing to recognise and cherish our diversity could lead to a rise in exclusivity, elitism and segregation in our schools and universities, in our workplace and in our social circles.

We could learn from other countries that have done well in governance in this respect. A refusal to learn and improve, to admit mistakes and failure is hubris of the highest degree that borders on stupidity when it impedes progress.

We must realise that it is dangerous to blame isolated incidents on a whole race of people. When we taint everyone with the same brush, we are holding them guilty by virtue of a common denominator, which is often race or religion.

This is more harmful than casual stereotyping and can strain community relations. We have some examples of this in our history. But many have short-term memory, or choose to forget what doesn’t serve their purpose.

So far, we have been fortunate that the majority of Malaysians do not allow negative emotions to rule their heads.

Let’s pray that our good sense will continue even as there are some who stoke communal tension with their outrageous accusations.

I will fly the Malaysian flag from my balcony as I am the eternal optimist. We need to have hope, for without it, the future is bleak.

We hope for a cabinet that leads with competence and humility, engaging in constructive dialogue instead of unproductive debate. With such leadership, Malaysia can again flourish in peace and harmony.

Happy Merdeka!

(The above article was first published in the print edition of the Star on 27 August 2025. It can be accessed HERE).

Is it time for Malaysia to introduce a Maintenance of Parents Act?

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sun, 03 Aug 2025 03:58:00 +0000

My previous article on family feuds and the breakdown of family relationships drew strong reactions from people I know and those I don’t know, from across the generations. I had obviously touched on a sensitive nerve that few want to acknowledge or do something about: The parents-children relationship. The general response was along the lines of, “It’s not that easy to forgive”; “They have never treated me well”; “I am happy to disown him”.

Which leads me to asking, “Is filial piety dead?”, or has it evolved into what we see today – a different way of how adult children express care and concern for their ageing parents, not very different from how they shower their young children with gifts and trips? How do elderly parents want their children to love, honour and respect them?

In the traditional family unit where generations lived under one roof, there was always someone around to look after the little children, and care for the elderly members. But this structure is fast disappearing, resulting in a kind of family diaspora, with the adult children moving out to seek better career prospects in other places.

Elderly parents are left on their own in an empty nest. Eventually one spouse passes away, and that’s when the big question comes up. What to do with the surviving ageing parent?

The duty of adult children to care for their elderly parents is a core value in all religions. Filial piety extends beyond death with the practice of ancestral worship. Today both virtues are on the decline. The Chinese government had to step in with threats of public shame, fines and imprisonment for those found guilty of neglecting their elderly parents. Isn’t there a better way than threats of punishment?

It’s no different across Asia. In India, the government passed the Senior Citizen Act, 2007, as an answer to the insecurities faced by older persons in the country. This law accords prime responsibility for the maintenance of parents on their children, grandchildren and even relatives.

In Singapore, the Maintenance of Parents Act (MPA) was introduced in 1995, making it a legal obligation for children to support their parents. Initially the Tribunal for MPA received hundreds of cases each year. After several amendments were introduced, the average of 170 cases between 2008 and 2010 fell to an average of about 30 cases in recent years.

This is a good sign that the MPA is effective as a deterrent to abandoning one’s elderly parents. Which begs the question – why is our government so hesitant about introducing a similar MPA? We cannot ignore the rising number of elderly parents ending up in old folks’ homes and shelters funded the government or by the community. More than 2,000 senior citizens were abandoned at hospitals nationwide from 2018 to 2022.

In 2021 alone, 752 senior citizens were abandoned at hospitals by their family members. In Malaysia, adult children are not legally bound to provide care and maintenance for their elderly parents. There are a myriad of reasons why an increasing number of adult children don’t or won’t take care of their frail parents.

These include:

• No extra room at home for their parents;

• No one is free to care for them at home;

• Their children come first, not their parents;

• They can’t afford to support their parents;

• Their parents are not easy to live with;

• Their parents had abused them

Looking at the situation from the adult children’s standpoint, there are genuine cases where the adult children themselves are caught in a financial bind, having to support their own children and care for their parents at the same time. Their financial situation forces them to choose. Invariably most couples in such situations would choose the young over the old.

Makes sense. One has a whole life ahead; the other has a limited time left. So, the elderly parent finds himself packed off to a welfare home. Says an operator of a care home, “We understand and empathise with the situation. But do visit them regularly so they don’t feel abandoned.

“What is not forgivable are adult children who are doing well financially, yet refuse to support or visit their parents. Eventually, when contact with the adult children is lost, there is no hope of a reconciliation.”

These adult children obviously do not have a close relationship with their parents. Possible reasons could include cases of child abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual. We have read about such cases where parents abandon or abuse their young children. Years later, these children recall bitter memories of their abusive childhood. They now find it virtually impossible to forgive their parents and want to sever blood ties with them.

There are also cases where adult children refuse to continue supporting their parents who are addicted to drugs or to gambling and incur hefty debts for their children to take care of.

All these issues could potentially be resolved with the Maintenance of Parents Act, with a Tribunal to oversee the implementation and listen to every case brought to them.

The Tribunal would have legal powers to check the financial status of the adult son to see if he has the means to provide for his parent. If he has, the Tribunal can order him to pay for his parent’s monthly maintenance.

The Tribunal’s foremost role is to seek reconciliation for both parties, and to propose the best solution. The quantum of maintenance support will depend on what the adult children can afford taking into consideration their financial position and commitments. This is similar to the court granting alimony for child support in a divorce case.

So, why is there this hesitation in introducing the Maintenance of Parents Act? Not all cases brought before it guarantees a win for the parents.

In cases where the adult children can prove they were abused by their parent in their childhood, the Tribunal can dismiss the parent’s application for maintenance.

With an MPA, elderly parents who can no longer fend for themselves can have at least recourse to appeal to the Tribunal. Most parents would not want to be a burden to their children. They would rather eat less, make do with bare minimum than compel their children to care for them in their old age if the children are themselves struggling. Or if the financial support is grudgingly given.

It takes very little to make our parents feel loved and happy. A phone call to ask how they are doing, a small gift of their favourite snacks, spending quality time with them, a warm hug now and then – all these don’t cost much, but the joy they bring to our parents is priceless.

As parents ourselves, we need to ask ourselves whether we are good role models for our adult children. If our adult children and grandchildren seem lacking in respect for their elders, are we as much to blame? Have we pampered and mollycoddled them too much? Have we allowed them to get away with indiscipline and disrespect to their parents and grandparents? The home is the first place for learning, and parents are the children’s first teachers.

How we treat our elderly parents is how our children will treat us one day in our old age. They will learn from us.

What examples are we giving them? No matter how badly our parents may have treated us in the past, we can’t stand by and do nothing for them in their time of need. This is not a game of tit-for-tat or revenge. Their blood runs in our veins.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the Star on Wed 30 July 2025. The online edition can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/08/02/is-it-time-for-malaysia-to-introduce-a-maintenance-of-parents-act)

RESOLVING FAMILY FEUDS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sun, 13 Jul 2025 02:37:00 +0000

Two months ago, I wrote about what constitutes a good death. It is knowing that everything has been taken care of, with friends and loved ones in the family gathered around the bedside for the final farewell.

But of late, I have attended funerals where the next-of-kin is not present. Reason? A long-standing family feud with both sides refusing to make amends.

When one side is willing to forgive and move on, but the other side remains adamant, the family conflict remains unresolved. It takes two to come together, to forgive and to move on.

While much has been said about the importance of good health and financial security in ageing, there is less mention about ensuring a harmonious family relationship to age well. But it is arguably the most important and the most challenging to attain.

What presents as a loving family at festivals and celebrations may actually mask internal strife and disharmony. Family portraits often hide the family conflicts behind the smiles that we see.

At one’s final hours, it doesn’t matter who is wrong, who is right. Usually, it is the children who refuse to forgive.

“He was not a good father,” one adult son tells me. This is not the time to carry grudges. And certainly, for the elderly, they want to make peace before they die. As long as one side refuses to forgive, the bitterness will continue, and later turn into regret when the children realise it is too late to make amends.

This is often the main explanation for the rise in the number of abandoned elderly in hospitals, nursing homes and aged care centers. Nationwide, 2,144 cases of abandonment in hospitals were reported between 2018 and 2022. Hospital KL reported a 50% rise in cases of abandonment of elderly patients, with 358 such cases in 2023. Adult children never returned for their parents when they were discharged. These parents, with nowhere to go, ended up in welfare homes, or worse, on the streets.

While much has been said about the importance of good health and financial security in ageing, there is less mention about ensuring a harmonious family relationship to age well. — Pexels

Safeguarding seniors

I spent three months interviewing and chatting with homeless elderly for a documentary. Their favourite gathering point in the city was at the square near Pasar Seni. There they would wait patiently for the distribution of free food packages by NGOs and civic society groups. The stories they shared were similar – they were abandoned by their children. They had lost contact with their family over the years.

Some said they were better off on the streets than with their children who had mistreated them.

Elder abuse is not only financial or physical. It also covers psychological abuse which is most hurtful and painful. Being belittled and scolded daily, and treated like a persona non grata at home is enough to drive an elderly parent to depression and suicidal tendencies, egged on by their children’s taunts of ‘better go and die quickly’.

This goes beyond lack of filial piety – it is cruel, and a violation of human rights. It’s hard to imagine elderly parents facing such inhumane treatment from their children. Family ties should never be broken. Physical distance should not be an excuse to stay away. With digital technology, families can continue to meet up via whatsapp, video calls or Zoom.

When contact is lost for whatever reason, an elderly parent living alone can pass away with no one knowing about it till days or weeks later. The Japanese call this Kodokushi or “lonely death”, with their bodies not discovered till long after. Such cases have been reported in the media.

Bitterness and revenge are like toxins. Harbouring such negative emotions for years will poison our body, our minds like a cancer. They deprive us of the joy of living and being part of a loving family.

We may not be able to forget what we see as an injustice done to us, but we can certainly learn to forgive. No action or incident is so unforgivable that would make a father disown his son, or vice versa. Here are some things elderly parents can do to reduce the risks of ending up abused or abandoned by their adult children:

• Continue to build your nest egg and make sure you are not financially dependent on your children when you reach old age

• Look after your health so that you remain physically active and independent as long as you can, right into your 70s, 80s and beyond.

• Protect your property. Do not hand over the deeds of your house prematurely. You need to ensure a roof over your head at all times.

• Have a network of friends you can count on to support you through the difficult times

• Seek professional help or counselling especially if you feel suicidal

• Know you are not alone in this. Join a support group.

• Be a responsible, caring parent so that your children have no reason to turn against you

Family relationships also include those between husband and wife, among siblings and with in-laws. A breakdown in spousal relationship can deteriorate to the point of a total loss of communication, with reconciliation almost impossible. When that happens, only two options remain – either a divorce or separation.

It can happen – two persons who had once loved each other and had children together now no longer share that bond. They now exhibit animosity towards each other. Yet they refuse to get a divorce to avoid legal hassles and scandal of a failed marriage or of a third party involved. They would rather spend years living under the same roof, keeping up false pretense with friends and relatives. They would rather suffer unhappiness at home than admit their marriage had failed. What a sheer waste of years spent living together in a loveless relationship.

Living in peace

Times have changed. Most women in an unhappy marriage have no qualms about seeking a divorce. The same for men too. Few among family and friends would raise an eyebrow to hear of a marriage gone bust, or of a family member getting married the second time around.

As for sibling disputes, these often arise out of rivalry, jealousy or issues over inheritance. When parents show clear favouritism for one child, it can cause resentment from the other children. This can widen into a gap that is hard to bridge in later years. Blood is not always thicker than water, and sibling rivalry can end in acrimonious law suits pitting sibling against sibling.

It’s the same with in-laws who cause friction between the two sides of the family. Marriages of couples from different ethnic, religious or social-economic background have a better chance of success if they have the blessings from both sides of the family. It is best for in-laws not to interfere or take sides when the couple has an argument, unless approached for advice or counsel.

No one can predict the future. Will we fall victim to elder abuse as we age? Not if we guard against this despicable social ill, not if we raise our children with love and inculcate in them respect for our elders. We can be good examples by showing our children how we care for our parents. They will learn from us.

We can learn to be slow to take offence, slow to judge others, slow to react without thinking. Words may hurt, actions may cause friction, but if we can adopt the Zen way of letting go anything that upsets us and learn to apologise if we are in the wrong, to forgive if we are wronged, we can live life at peace with ourselves and with everyone in the family. That certainly is worth aiming for, isn’t it?

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star in 'Grey Matters' column on Wed 2 July 2025. It can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/07/02/resolving-family-feuds-before-it039s-too-late?

IS THERE A RIGHT RETIREMENT AGE?

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sun, 08 Jun 2025 03:31:00 +0000

Here we go again. Yet another round of viewpoints regarding increasing the retirement age. This came after Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department (Law and Institutional Reform) Datuk Seri Azalina Othman Said suggested that the government consider raising the retirement age to 65.

It was her personal opinion but it opened the flood gates of debate from the public on whether this was a good or bad idea.

My view on this? Neither good nor bad, but unavoidable, inevitable.

The number of countries opting to raise their retirement age is growing. In the majority of countries in Europe, the retirement age is 65 and above, with Denmark and Norway leading at 67.

What about Asia? Singapore is following suit. It plans to raise the statutory retirement age from 63 to 65 and the re-employment age from 68 to 70 in 2026. For Japan, it’s 65. For Korea, India, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand, it’s 60 but it will likely be raised in the coming years. China is also joining the lineup.

For decades since 1950, the retirement age in China has remained at 50. It recently raised retirement age for the first time from 50 to 55 for women in blue-collar jobs, and from 55 to 58 for those in white-collar jobs. For men it will be increased from 60 to 63.

Two sides of the coin

The main argument against increasing the retirement age is that it deprives young job seekers of employment.

While this may be true to a certain extent, it’s primarily technology and mechanisation, not older workers, that is taking away jobs. Let’s not forget AI. It is already replacing workers in white-collar jobs. All this has nothing to do with the retirement age.

Based on DOSM figures, the unemployment rate stands at 3.1% for May 2025. The government is committed to ensuring unemployment is kept low. It does this by taking on the role as employer of last resort.

Malaysia has the largest civil service in the world in terms of ratio of civil service workforce to population: Over 1.6 million-strong to serve its 34.1 million population. The government will not be able to continue paying pension to an ever-growing number of pensioners. Currently there are an estimated 930,000 pensioners from the civil service, judges, former servicemen and senators.

The government is finding it a huge challenge to keep up with pension payments despite raising the retirement age from 55 to 60 in 2013. Hence the moveaway from pensions to EPF contributions.

The family structure has changed so drastically that parents can no longer expect their adult children to support them in their old age. Family size has shrunk, and with the grown children moving out to work or settle elsewhere, retired couples are often left to fend for themselves.

It’s a good idea to sit down at the family table and have a heart-to-heart discussion about the future scenario for the family 20 years down the road. What would it look like?

Here’s a very likely scenario: The adult children are now in their late 30s. Their parents are retirees in their early 60s, and their grandparents are in their early 80s. The adult children have to see their teenage children through further education, and still have to support their retired parents as well as their elderly grandparents.

Three-four generation families are becoming common. The longer life expectancy is both a boon and a bane. What this means is that the adult children have to support their parents as well as grandparents. Multiply that by two.

They mustn’t leave out parents-in-laws and grandparents-in-law. In total, the couple has to support eight older persons on top of supporting their own children! To top it, they have fewer siblings to share the cost of caring for the elderly family members.

This is already happening in many families now. It’s not a future reality. Our fertility rate is declining, as in most countries. Young people are delaying marriage.

When they do, they delay starting a family. When they are finally ready to have children, they want only one or two. The result – fewer siblings to share the heavy financial responsibility of supporting six to eight elderly family members.

Faced with such a reality, perhaps those in the 30s and 40s will not protest against increasing the retirement age.

Their parents will be able to work longer and be self-supporting. With their salary, they will be able to contribute financially towards supporting the family members, both young and old.

Thanks to better education and awareness of staying active and healthy, a growing number of those in their 60s, (and even 70s) are still hale and hearty. They are capable of working another five years or more. Give them the option to do so. Some may want to retire, let them. Some may need to continue working as their adult children are unable to support them, or they may need to help their adult children who are unable to find a job, or keep up with their financial commitments.

Stop gap solution

This is a temporary stop gap solution. No one wants to work indefinitely. Who doesn’t want to enjoy freedom from work, to have time to pursue their personal interests and not be at the beck and call of their boss.

What it comes down to is that family life and work life as we know it have changed drastically. This has impacted every aspect of our existence. We have to adjust, adapt and accept.

This is one way of looking at progress. Or survival. Quite similar to how we now look at the digital world. Adapt or be left behind while the rest of the world marches on.

This is the message to both young and old alike. And to countries too.

Governments simply can’t afford pension payouts when the older population keeps growing due to longer life expectancy and the younger population keeps shrinking due to lower fertility rate. Demographic changes have a huge impact on the economy, indeed on all aspects of life, and also on the family support system.

China abandoned their 1979 one-child policy in 2015 when they realised the adverse implications it had on support for the growing older population.

Whether we want to or not, whether we like it or not, the retirement age will continue to be raised. We don’t have to work till we drop dead, but at least allow older workers to continue working for as long as the retirement age allows them to. They will know best whether they are physically and mentally fit enough to continue working.

Employers also have the option to offer early retirement or not hire workers who do not satisfy the health requirements for the job.

Let’s not forget the social benefits of working longer. There are retirees who miss the social connections at work. When they stop working, life can become lonely. They miss their former colleagues. They miss the daily chat, the company outings and social functions. Isolation and loneliness can affect the mental health and wellbeing of older people.

If these retirees were your parents, wouldn’t you want them to continue working a few years longer and to remain independent longer? For young people who oppose raising the retirement age, be thankful that your working parents are self-supporting, and not a financial burden to you.

Regardless of whether the retirement age is 60, 65 or 70, everyone reaches that age one day. Everyone has parents and grandparents. Think of them when you think of whether to support the proposal to raise the retirement age. We need to look at the issue both objectively and subjectively, from the government’s point of view, from the employers’ stand and also from the perspective of both the young and the old. Perhaps then we can have a clearer picture of whether raising the retirement age is a “good or bad” idea.

We know what the answer is.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The original print version was published on Wed 4 June 2025 in the column 'Grey Matters'. The online versionn can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/06/06/is-there-a-039right039-retirement-age)

MALAYSIA NEEDS A MORE SENIOR-FRIENDLY PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Fri, 16 May 2025 07:04:00 +0000

Information about bus routes is not easily available at our bus stops. — LILY FU

My friends are amazed at how I have been able to move around the city and the suburbs without a car. I have been relying mostly on public transport and my two faithful legs since 1998. They say they wouldn’t have a clue how to take public transport to where they want to go. They intend to keep on driving for as long as possible.

There is currently no mandatory upper age limit on driving. But as age creeps up on them, the day will surely come when they have no choice but to hang up their car keys for good.

They will have to rely on friends to pick them up or opt for e-hailing rides. Or take public transport.

When that happens, they should be thankful our public transport has improved vastly. The horror days of the pink mini buses driven by wannabe Grand Prix drivers are long gone. So have the dirty stage buses that plied the streets polluting the environment with their exhaust fumes.

They have been replaced by buses and trains that are air-conditioned, comfortable and clean. There are free shuttle buses serving Kuala Lumpur city centre, Petaling Jaya and Penang.

Senior citizens aged 60 and above enjoy 50% off all RapidKL buses and LRT/MRT/Monorail trains. The trains run on time. Waiting time is generally short with an average of five minutes. Women’s coaches have been added for their safety and comfort. However, there is still room for improvement, especially for bus transport. It is the weak link in the overall public transport system.

Cater to our silvers too

According to the Department of Statistics Malaysia (DOSM) and research data, in 2023, there were 3.8 million citizens aged 60 and above. By 2030 this number is projected to reach 5.8 million (ageing nation status), and 6.4 million by 2040 (aged nation status).

This means a potential huge increase in elderly ridership. Has the government been busy making preparations to cope with this surge?

The World Health Organisation has a check-list of essential features of age-friendly cities. The section on public transportation covers various aspects such as availability, affordability, reliability and frequency, destinations, accessibility, and security. How does our public transport fare against this checklist?

Easy accessibility and convenience take top priority. Older people rely on public transport to get to community centres, health services and social functions. They walk to the nearest bus stop and take the bus to the nearest train station to get to their destination. Are the roads and walkways safe for them to do so? Overhead bridges are fine for the general public but a challenge for the elderly to climb up the steps.

Traffic lights at pedestrian crossings should be timed to allow older people ample time to cross busy roads. The traffic lights at the Kuala Lumpur City Centre (KLCC) pedestrian crossing stay green for only 30 seconds. It’s a mad dash across six lanes, even for young people, what more for senior citizens?

Information about bus routes is not easily available. Instead, there are all kinds of notices and advertisements plastered on the bus-shelter boards, for example, room to let, job vacancies and plenty of graffiti.

At some bus stops, route information is accessed through a laminated QR-code displayed on the board. Think about it, how many elderly have the QR-code scanner app installed on their mobile phones?

Those who do, how many actually know how to navigate the app and understand the instructions and directions?

The design of buses also leaves much to be desired for the elderly. The steps are too high for them to board easily. Bus drivers should get down and help those in wheelchairs to get on the bus. I have seen only one instance of a bus driver doing this. No wonder we hardly see anyone in wheelchair out on their own in the city.

Many drivers are impatient and start driving off without waiting for the elderly passengers to be safely seated.

It is imperative for bus drivers to show courtesy and follow procedures. They are supposed to stop the bus close to the kerb to pick up passengers.

This would make it easy for them to board the bus. They just step off the kerb onto the bus. In practice, the bus stops some distance away from the kerb. Passengers have to walk to the bus. During a downpour, this means walking through puddles of water to get on the bus.

Buses remain a vital link to the last mile destination. Yet they remain a poor cousin to the trains when it comes to overhauling or upgrading the public transport system.

Education is always key

Educating the public about respecting the elderly is also important. How many young people would give up their seats on the train for a senior citizen? They may do so for the disabled or a pregnant woman. But for an elderly? The priority seating sign is in every coach and announcements are made every few minutes, but few pay heed.

Younger commuters often remain seated, ignoring the elderly person standing in front of them. Sad to say, this happens all the time on trains and buses.

While the newer MRT lines and stations are a source of pride, the older LRT trains and stations need upgrading, especially the washrooms.

It is common to find at least two not in use due to water leakage or faulty flush. The taps at the wash basins are either loose or dry. And maintenance is sporadic.

It is the small inconveniences to the elderly that are often ignored or overlooked as being trivial or too inconsequential to pay attention to. But it is precisely the little things that matter.

It doesn’t take billions of dollars to make our public transport services and facilities age-friendly. Courteous and helpful drivers and station staff makes the travelling experience pleasant.

Sometimes one can’t help but wonder whether our city fathers and policy-makers are in touch with the realities on the ground. In focus groups, discussions, older persons who are regular commuters should be invited to give their views and suggestions. They know what is lacking and what needs improving.

Age-friendly facilities benefit everyone, not just the older population.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the print media on Wed 7 May, 2025. The online edition can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/05/07/senior-friendly-public-transport-system-needed)

WHAT IS A GOOD DEATH?

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sun, 20 Apr 2025 15:19:00 +0000

Thoughts of death and dying have been on my mind of late. No, I am fine in case readers are concerned. It’s just that in the past two months I have been to five wakes and funeral services.

A record for me personally, but not unexpected, considering my age and the community I am actively involved in.

Most of us are in our 70s and 80s. While we aspire to enjoy many more active years ahead, not everyone will get to achieve this. Friends and family members will leave us one by one as time passes.

Death is also a part of life.

With Qing Ming just over, it is another reminder that life is transient. For those unfamiliar with this Chinese observance, Qing Ming is a time for Chinese families to make the annual visit to the burial grounds of their departed family members. It is a mark of filial piety for Chinese families to pay their respects to their ancestors, with prayers and offerings of food.

Family members also take the opportunity to spruce up the grave in the cemetery. With cremation becoming the preferred choice now, Qing Ming is also observed at the columbarium and temples.

The ultimate leveller

Death can knock on our door at anytime and anywhere. It can strike down the young and the old, the healthy and the infirmed, the rich and the poor. Death is the ultimate leveller.

It comes to the best among us, and to the worst among us. It happens in greater numbers among the elderly. Yet we know precious little about how best to prepare for death. Countless books have been written about how to live a happy life, but very few about how to have a happy death. Is there such a thing as the art of dying? Can it be taught or learned?

Has anyone been through the death experience and shared it with a loved one in a dream? How does one deal with one’s approaching death? Why is death nearly always associated with pain, fear, grief and loss? Isn’t it possible to depart with relief, joy and celebration? At last, for some. Too soon, for others.

So many questions but hardly any answers. For those already nearing the final chapter of their lives, it is good to reflect on this eventuality and be prepared for it. By this I mean, putting our affairs in order, like making sure we have made our will and arranged for the disposal of our earthly possessions.

We want to have a say in planning our wake and funeral service, like which of our photos to display at our wake, what music to play and where we want our final resting place to be. We should play a central role in this important decision making and not leave everything for our spouse or children to decide. And we should do this when we are still of sound mind.

Death is still considered a taboo subject, and few people feel comfortable discussing it. However, there is now a growing sense of acceptance. It makes sense to plan how we want to go while we are still around and still lucid enough to decide.

I have learnt more about death after taking up a course on “End of Life: Death and Dying” for my post-graduate studies in Applied Gerontology. In 2018, I attended a two-day “Death Festival” organised by a local funeral service provider. It opened my eyes to a more positive side of death. Understanding death takes away the fear and replaces it with quiet acceptance as something natural, and not to be feared. For some it may even be welcomed.

The ‘perfect’ goodbye

A dear friend’s mother had what I call “the perfect final goodbye”. Friends and family members from near and far had come together to celebrate the wedding of her grandson. At the wedding dinner she was a picture of joy, laughing and chatting with everyone, obviously delighted that all her loved ones were present and around her that night.

I remember saying good night to her as I passed her table on the way out, after the dinner. She was all smiles, and looking radiant. The next day she passed away peacefully in the afternoon while taking a rest. She was 87.

Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with a good death. I remember too seeing another auntie, one of my mother’s closest friends, groaning in pain as she struggled to breathe, her body ravaged by terminal cancer. It was a sight that remains etched in my mind.

At our age, many of us would probably have seen death up close in people we know and love. For those with terminal illness, death is a welcome release. We have seen the acute pain and intense discomfort they have to endure, hour after endless hour, week after torturous week.

They don’t have the strength to fight the illness, nor the will to live anymore. They just want to be left in peace to die. But not everyone in such a condition wants to let go. Nor does the family want to see their loved one go.

When there is no quality of life, who makes the final decision to pull the plug, that is, Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)? Such a decision should be made known to our family while we are still able to decide.

Life is precious. We want to hold on to life for as long as we can. But does being kept alive with machines and endless medication constitute life as we know it?

Here’s another decision some of us may want to consider. I recently attended a talk “Turn A Loss Into A Gift” by Prof Dr Saw Aik, Director of the “Silent Mentor” programme.

I had first heard about this programme in 2022, and had followed a live recording of the entire ceremony.

It affected me immensely on both the emotional and spiritual level, and brought tears to my eyes.

Briefly, Silent Mentor is a programme initiated by Universiti Malaya to promote body donation for medical education, research and training for medical students. The sending-off ceremony was very respectful and dignified, and heartwarming.

Our deceased body is the ultimate gift we can donate. It is not for everyone but for those willing and happy to contribute their body for teaching purposes. For the medical students it is an eye-opening and humbling experience to know that there are people capable of such a noble sacrifice.

God decides our final departure day, but it is within our hands to live well and leave well. Let us pray for a disease-free old age.

And when the time comes for us to go, to go quietly and peacefully, fading into the darkness of eternal sleep, with important decisions made, and everything taken care of.

That is a good death.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the Star on Wed 9 April 2025. The online version can be accessed HERE.)

Are my retirement savings enough?

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Thu, 20 Mar 2025 06:37:00 +0000

A 6.3% dividend for our EPF savings? It was definitely welcome news for every active contributor regardless of age. That’s the highest rate since 6.4% in 2017 and a significant jump from 5.4% last year.

But hold your horses before you start celebrating. The rise in price of essential goods and services, and the impending higher costs of medicine and hospital charges would likely even out any real gains in our retirement savings.

Let’s get down to some basics. How much do you spend a month on average? EPF’s latest Belanjawanku 2024-2025 guide recommends a monthly budget of RM 2,690 for a senior single and RM3,390 for a senior couple living in the Klang Valley where the cost of living is higher. Are your monthly expenses anywhere close to those figures? Perhaps you have no clue?

If you spend without keeping track of how much goes where, then it’s time to work out a simple budget for your monthly expenses. Allocate for these main items: Food, utilities, transportation, healthcare, personal care, social activities and miscellaneous.

One major item not in the list – loans and mortgage. Most retirees would have paid off their housing loan, and since they are no longer eligible for bank loans, they are free from that encumbrance too. Stay away from loans of any kind, and dubious money-lenders. You need to be debt-free in your retirement. Prudent money management is key to financial security for retirees.

Unfortunately, wisdom does not always equate with age for some retirees when it comes to money management. This is especially true for those who withdraw all their EPF savings in one lump sum upon reaching 55. They make plans for what they can do with the savings. Dreams can finally be fulfilled. Enough capital to start a small business or invest in quick-returns schemes and trips to exotic places. Some will go on a shopping spree for branded items and jewellery while others will indulge in classy watches or luxury cars.

The retirement years is not the time to keep up with appearances. These are the retirees who find themselves suddenly with so much money in their bank account they become reckless or foolish with their spending. Did you know that you can leave your savings in EPF till age 100? And you can arrange for monthly withdrawals?

Think carefully, spend wisely

There are retirees who subscribe to YOLO (You Only Live Once). They don’t want to miss out on the good things in life. They want to live life to the fullest. When they leave, they can say they have no regrets.

Their bucket list is no longer a wish list. “It’s my money and I can do what I want with it” is their response to well-meaning advice.

What about emergencies like an urgent surgery? “My children will take care of that”, they will say. Will they? Can they? Best not take for granted our children will care for us, support us in our old age.

They may not be financially independent. They may be pursuing post-graduate studies, or have housing loans, car loans and credit card debts to settle. Or young children to raise. Some may need funds to start a business. Who will they turn to for interest-free loans? Mommy and daddy, of course. It’s hard to say “No”. There goes a huge chunk of our hard-earned retirement savings.

At the other extreme are those who guard their savings like Uncle Scrooge, scrimping and getting by with the bare minimum even though they have accumulated a sizeable nest egg. They fear they may not have enough should a calamity befall them like an emergency health crisis that would gobble up almost their entire savings.

Most insurance policies provide coverage only till 75 years.

We lament government wastage of public funds but we are guilty of wasteful spending too. Buying more than we need and spending on things that do nothing to improve our health or wellbeing. Mindless shopping, that’s what it is. Instant gratification when we should know better at our age.

But of course, if you have plenty of money to spare, by all means indulge. Just pray you have enough set aside for emergencies that may swallow up almost all your life’s savings.

Even death is costly these days. Funeral packages can cost anything from RM20k!

There is no need to deprive ourselves of the simple things in life. Spend wisely and within our budget. Live a simple life. Indulge occasionally. Economise. Downsize. Less is more. When we spend less on wants, we have more to spend on needs.

One of the biggest concerns of retirees is having enough to cover medical emergencies. Many may not realise that this includes covering not only our own medical and healthcare expenses but also those of our elderly parents.

Planning for longevity

Longer life span means retirees in their 60s and 70s may still be taking care of their parents who are in their 80s and 90s! The longevity dividend is also the longevity deficit.

Just to give you an idea of high hospital charges, not that long ago I spent two weeks in a private hospital for some tests and observation. No surgeries. Nothing invasive except for a very minor procedure, but the bill was a shocker – almost RM30,000!

Another major item to set aside adequate savings for is retirement housing. A day will surely come when we will be alone, through personal choice to remain single, or through the loss of a spouse.

Much as we would prefer to age in place, that is in the comfort of our own home, it is not advisable to live alone in old age, regardless of whether you are still relatively fit and in good health. All it takes is just a fall or a stroke to render us helpless. We may have to seriously consider moving to an aged care facility or a senior retirement home. The fees charged can be anything from RM5000 to RM10,000 a month, depending on the level of care you require.

Will our retirement savings cover the above contingencies?

EPF has come out with the three-tier Retirement Income Adequacy (RIA) Framework set to launch in January 2026: Basic savings of RM390,000, covering essential retirement needs; adequate savings of RM650,000, providing a reasonable standard of living during retirement; and enhanced savings of RM1.3m, supporting greater financial security and independence for a higher quality of life.

We could use the above RIA as a guide. The current existing Basic savings is RM240,000 at age 55. Note the huge increase to keep pace with rising inflation and the current retirement age of 60 in Malaysia.

Saving early and making it a lifelong habit is key to having sufficient retirement funds to live on when you stop working after 60. If you are good at value investment or have a reliable financial advisor, you can make your money grow.

To the average worker, who contributes to EPF, nothing can beat seeing your savings grow exponentially through compound interest. Baby boomers who started contributing when they received their first salary would probably have adequate savings to live comfortably.

With longer life span, retirees need sufficient savings to tide them over the next 10-20 years upon retirement. Never too late to start developing healthy lifestyle habits to avoid non-communicable diseases that are common among older adults.

Long term care can swallow up all our savings. Let’s be responsible for our health rather than rely on the government or our children to take care of us. Be prudent in our spending and stay debt-free.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of the Star on 12 March 2025. The online edition can be accessed HERE.

VALENTINE'S DAY...IS LOVE ALL AROUND?

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 01:05:00 +0000

Everyday is Valentine’s Day for Mr and Mrs Jagjeet Singh, married for 61 years. — MRS J

It’s Valentine’s Day today. Brisk business for florists, restaurants and hotels as young couples out-do themselves to express their love for each other. From over-priced roses and chocolates to romantic candlelight dinners and the umpteenth honeymoon trip. Love is certainly in the air and all around.

However, for most long-time married couples, the day would likely be just another day. Husbands would think thrice about spending money on gifts for their wives. Wives would probably wish their spouse could be a bit more romantic. Asian husbands are known to be pragmatic, not romantic. To them, a simple satisfying meal at a seafood restaurant, or a movie outing should suffice. A bottle of Chanel No 5? A bouquet of red roses? A new watch? Nah! Wives can dream on.

After all, Valentine’s Day, like birthdays, comes every year. Makes more sense to celebrate silver or golden wedding anniversaries. They come around only once in decades. Such milestones deserve a grand celebration with family and friends. Not Valentine’s Day.

The changing face of love

When a couple has spent more than half a lifetime together, they know practically everything about each other. It’s almost like they can read each other’s mind, down to completing each other’s unfinished sentences. They are so comfortable with each other that they no longer see the need to delight or surprise with little romantic gestures on Valentine’s Day. To such couples, every day is Valentine’s Day, celebrated in a thousand and one simple ways like holding hands when crossing the road, taking turns to cook meals, sharing the household chores, looking after each other when one is sick.

For baby boomer couples now in their 70s, the giddiness of romance has long left their marriage, to be replaced by quiet acceptance or tolerance of each other. Years of familiarity breeds ease and comfort in each other’s company.

On the flip side, while many older couples remain together, there is no love lost between husband and wife, and it is plain for all to see. There is little or no communication, even less physical touch. It is like two strangers living under the same roof out of convenience. For these couples, the last spark of love has long died; the dying embers refuse to be reignited. Divorce is messy and expensive. The best option is to let things be as they have been for so many years. No point rocking the marital boat and plunging into deep waters. Just avoid getting into each other’s hair as far as possible. It all boils down to incompatibility. Perhaps they were not meant for each other in the first place. For them, Valentine’s Day holds no meaning or significance. It’s just another day to be struck off on the calendar.

Many single seniors are happy singles, especially those who went through an unhappy marriage and are divorced. They are living life free from marital woes and stress.

What about senior singles? Do they dread Valentine’s Day? Is it a reminder of their status quo? When they see their married friends happily celebrating with their spouse, do they feel envious? For the widowed, is it a day of loneliness and loss?

Take heart, senior singles. Unless you are married to someone wonderful, it’s better to remain single. Loving, caring husbands are a dying breed. So are loving, caring wives. And if the right one doesn’t show up within your peripheral vision or on your door-step, it’s not the end of the world. Indeed, some married women secretly envy their carefree single girl friends who go where they want, and with whom they like. They answer to no one. Today the single older woman is bold and uncompromising. They are not afraid to live life according to their own rules.

Seeking love out

For senior singles, they have a choice – to remain single, or be open to marriage. But where and how does one find a lifelong partner? Online dating sites? Social hangouts? Activity groups for seniors? Matchmaking agencies?

Back in the 1930s and 40s, arranged marriages were common. Social norms were strict especially for girls. They had little say in the choice of a life partner. Should they lose their husband, they were expected to remain widows for the rest of their lives.

Single parents - my mom and me, with my two little girls in cc 1973.

This was the case with my mother. She never remarried, and remained a widow for 68 years till she passed away at age 94. It would be rare for a young widow these days to remain single and faithful to the memory of her dearly departed husband. We are all social beings. We need friends, we need companionship. Loneliness in our later years is a slippery road to depression, and that is something to avoid at all costs.

It takes a lot of hard work to nurture a relationship, a lot of give and take to reach that stage where one simply can’t live without the other. They complete each other. Each is the other half, and they fit perfectly together. Many young couples don’t have the patience to work at it. Gone are the days when wedding vows were taken seriously and couples remained married “till death do us part”. Second marriages were almost unheard of, as were divorces. Indeed, to ask for a divorce would be like asking to be ostracized socially.t

We are living in modern times. There is no social stigma attached to remaining single, divorced or separated. Idle tongues do not wag as much now at single older women and men going on dates to celebrate Valentine’s Day. It is liberating to know that society has become more accepting of divorcees and of second marriages. Gossip mongers will have little ammunition to hurt anyone. It is none of their business who their single senior friends go out with, or if the latter decide to get a divorce or marry again. I say this because there are older men and women who deprive themselves of a chance to be happy again in a new relationship, for fear of others talking about them behind their backs. Live life for yourself, not for others.

For longtime married couples that have lost that loving feeling, but do not want a divorce for whatever reasons, there is one solution that is gaining popularity in Japan. It is ‘Sotsukon’. It’s the perfect compromise for couples who still have some affection for each other, but want to have the freedom to pursue their own interests. The arrangement is akin to living together as housemates, with each partner enjoying independence and freedom to make new friends and enjoy a new lifestyle. Both parties may not want to go through a divorce especially if no third party is involved. For these couples Sotsukon makes sense - still together as a couple but living apart. This is not the same as being estranged. They remain friends and still care for each other as in a platonic relationship.

Such arrangement is already in common practice here among older seniors who have no desire to marry or remarry, but are fine with having a constant companion or partner.

Whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, we should be celebrating love every day, in the little things we do, not necessarily in gifts for the people we love. Love doesn’t have to cost a cent. Love can be a genuine smile, a warm hug or an affectionate kiss. Or a good deed for someone we don’t know but who needs our help.

Spread a little love today, and every day. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the Star on 12 Feb 2025. The online version can be acessed at this LINK.

DON'T GET LOST IN TECHNOLOGY

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Thu, 16 Jan 2025 11:07:00 +0000

Instructors who conduct courses for seniors must bear in mind that older people learn differently from younger people. - LILY FU

Older seniors in their 70s and above are finding themselves lagging behind in a world that is increasingly becoming unfamiliar to them – the world of technology. Doing things the old way has almost been completely replaced with going online for transactions, services and communication.

The ubiquitous mobile phone has become our office, our link to family and friends, our instant access to knowledge, entertainment and more. We can’t leave home without our phones. We suffer panic, a near heart attack if we have misplaced our phone, or if it’s stolen.

It’s amazing how many apps we have on our mobile phones. There are apps for 1001 uses, from booking a ride to checking our EPF account. My daughter insisted that I installed a certain app that allows her to track my movements. For my safety, she tells me. She knew which places I visited when I was in Luang Prabang, Laos and what time I came safely home after a night out. It would be impossible to hide any secret rendezvous from her! The marvels of technology.

Most banks have stopped issuing savings account books. Account holders have no choice but to switch to online transactions. Parking has become cashless. For those taking public transport, you can only board if you have a RapidKL card or MyKad. Cash is not accepted. The reign of cash as king is in its final days, to be replaced by digital debit cards as ewallets.

Except for home deliveries and courier services, our email address is now more important than our domicile address. Our mobile phone number takes precedence over our landline phone number. How many of us still have a fixed phone line at home anyway?

No escape

Older adults learning to navigate online apps e.g. Waze, Google Drive on their mobile phone and desktop

Whether we like it or not, want it or not, there is no escape from the technology around us. If we want to fit in, we have to adapt, to learn and to use what we have learned. Those who don’t will get left behind in the digital era.

Unfortunately, there are older adults who have a phobia about learning new skills. Once they reach 60, they think their brains have also reached retirement age. They feel they are too old to learn new skills.

I recall in the late 1990s when teachers were told they had to start using the computer to teach, some of my colleagues in the high school where I was teaching opted for early retirement! They didn’t want to be stressed out learning this new technology. Others took up the challenge and eventually were able to teach confidently using the computer and the projector instead of depending solely on the textbook and blackboard.

Goes to show older adults can learn new skills if they want to, if they have to.

Then there are those who think they have no need for such new learning. They can do without the internet. They don’t need to learn how to use apps. If they have to do any online transactions, they can always get their adult children to do so for them. Fine, to each his own. But just know that it is practically impossible to avoid the use of digital devices and technology. It’s not just apps but also kiosks. There are now kiosks that dispense hot meals and kiosks where we can renew our driving license, or pay our utility bills. Many restaurants are now using QR-code for food orders instead of the printed menu.

The dilemma is this: Who is there to help teach elderly Malaysians basic digital literacy? Who is there to guide them on how to install and use an e-hailing app, buy tickets online or use Waze? There is as yet no educational institute specifically set up for older adults where they can enroll for courses to be digitally empowered, to navigate apps with confidence and access social media platforms.

The closest we have to an institute dedicated to lifelong learning for older adults is University of the Third Age (U3A) Malaysia. It offers a wide range of online and onsite short courses, including computer skills and digital skills for Malaysians aged 50 and above. It is based at MyAgeing – the National Research Institute on Ageing at Universiti Putra Malaysia. It provides an avenue for older adults to pick up new skills without worrying about exams or tests. They learn because they want to, because they now have the time and opportunity to do so.

There is no such thing as being too old to learn something. When an opportunity to learn something new and useful is made available to us, we should seize it. Where there is a will, there is always a way. We have to adopt a positive attitude towards learning. We shouldn’t let the fear of failing or the lack of confidence be our excuse for not learning.

There are many examples of successful learning especially when there is strong motivation to do so. The need to remain in touch with family and friends is a powerful incentive. This is evident in how quickly older adults have embraced Whatsapp and Zoom, for example. Facebook is now dominated by older users, resulting in younger people migrating to Instagram and Tik Tok!

A different classroom

Trainer Osama demonstrating how to convert an image to pdf. It is important to take into account that older adults learn differently from young adults.

Instructors who conduct courses for seniors must bear in mind that older people learn differently from younger people. Hence, they need to be familiar with “geragogy’” – the theory of how older people learn. For instance, instructors should teach at a slower pace, use bigger font size for text and show some respect for their “senior” students.

It is easy for older learners to forget how to use applications after a lapse of time. There is no point learning something and not applying or practicing it. How often have we heard older adults say they can’t remember their account password, how to check their email or download and install an app. Learn smart – it’s near impossible to learn everything, so be selective. Limit your learning to what is useful to you, so you won’t forget it.

The benefits of empowering older adults with digital tools are enormous. Aside from the convenience of carrying out tasks online and engaging socially online, seniors who run home-based businesses can make use of apps to promote their products or services and have the know-how to reach a wider market.

We are never too old to pick up new skills. All it takes is a change of mindset and attitude. The world is our oyster if we let it be. We may struggle with new learning, but if we are motivated enough, we can do it. Nothing beats motivation when it is something enforced or made compulsory.

With an empty nest at home and time on their hands, the retirement years offer a wonderful opportunity for retirees to acquire new knowledge and prevent the brain from getting rusty.

Learning new things helps us to grow old gracefully, keeps us alert and updated on the latest technologies. Group learning also promotes social interaction and makes our days more enjoyable and meaningful.

Use it, or lose it – that applies to our brains as well. If we continue to use our brain, we are exercising it, stimulating it to think, to analyse, to reason, to stay mentally sharp. Learning new things throughout our lifetime can help reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease. Our memory improves when we challenge it with learning new skills. Learning something new also boosts self-esteem. When we learn a new skill, we feel a sense of achievement and pride. When we add a new qualification to our name, we earn respect from others. More doors are open to us for employment.

So make this day the start of new learning. Embrace technology for it is here to stay.

(Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.)

The print version of the article can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/01/16/starsilver-dont-get-lost-in-technology/

FIND YOUR TRIBE

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 06:18:00 +0000

Find your tribe - buddies who will be your support system as you journey through life in your later years. - LILY FU

Just a few decades ago, the multi-generational home was the norm. Up to four generations would live together under one roof. Today it would be a challenge to find two generations of retired parents and their adult children living under one roof. As society evolves and as lifestyles change in tandem with greater access to education and travel, adult children move out of the family home to live independently, with some settling overseas or in another part of the country.

With the children all grown and flown, the family home is now an empty nest. This is a period that can make or break a retired couple’s marriage. The Covid years was a good test.

With restrictions on movement, long-time married couples found themselves with only each other for company 24/7. A good opportunity to rekindle romance, or just the opposite – they get on each other’s nerves. If there is no meaningful communication between husband and wife, the days would be painfully long, and a test of patience and tolerance towards each other.

The couple has nothing much to say or share with each other. Silence prevails at meal times. At best the daily verbal exchanges are reduced to “Dinner is ready”, “I’m going out with my friends”, or “Have you paid the electricity bill for this month?”

Mere formalities or inconsequential utterances from old habits.

On the other hand, there are couples who grow closer now that they have the luxury of time and privacy for each other, something they did not have during the years of raising their young children. It is a time to revive fading intimacy, to appreciate each other again, and to value the limited time left in their twilight years.

For as surely as the sun rises and sets each day, there will come a day when one will go before the other. What happens then? Will the surviving spouse look forward to having the whole house to himself? Does this signal total freedom and independence to do as he likes? Or is this the start of a downhill spiral from loneliness and bereavement to depression, with no loving wife to care for him now that she is gone and he is alone.

What about the adult children? Would they open their home to their now-single parent? And would the latter choose to remain in his own home and eventually end up in a senior living facility?

If the couple’s marriage was a rocky or loveless one, then bereavement can mean freedom and liberation. If the wife has spent years looking after an ailing husband, bereavement would also mean an end to the stress of having to care for him.

For these widows, they would want to remain single. They would not entertain the possibility of marrying again. At best, they may have partners or companions but not with a view to tying the knot the second time.

There are also complications arising from a second marriage. What if the children of both sides are not too excited about the prospect of having a stepmother or stepfather? What about inheritance of property and assets upon the death of their parent? This could cause resentment from the children if an outsider enters the family picture and gets a share of their father’s assets.

Silent issues

These are real issues that many senior citizens acknowledge silently but are reluctant to bring up with their children. Having lost their spouse, they may face an uncertain future alone. They can’t and shouldn’t grieve forever. Who would take care of them in their old age, especially if they do not have a strong bond with their children?

Which boils down to the question – how prepared are we to face the future as a solo senior? Who are solo seniors? They are seniors who live alone by choice – they opt to remain single.

There are others who do so due to circumstances as in the loss of a spouse, they are divorced or separated. Other reasons include elderly parents not wanting to be a burden to their children; there is no spare room in their children’s home for them; their lifestyle differs from that of their children.

Whatever the reasons, it is estimated that as many as 9% of older Malaysians live alone, and the number is set to rise.

While solo seniors may welcome the independence, they need and seek social connections. We are social beings. There are things we can’t enjoy or do alone. There is no pleasure in eating every meal alone, or having no one to chat or laugh with every day. Your children are busy with work commitments. They have no time to spend with you.

Whatever the case, you do not want to be on your own all the time, with no one to go out with, share your fears and problems with. That is why elderly individuals who live alone end up keeping a pet dog or cat for company. Loneliness and social isolation in the elderly is a serious social ill that needs to be addressed.

The fastest way to deal with this is to take action ourselves rather than wait for the government to address this growing social problem. One effective solution is to seek out social groups that you can fit in with, that offer a wide range of activities you can take up.

Over a period of time, you will get to know certain individuals that you can click with. And if it’s mutual, they will be your tribe.

What is a tribe?

It is a group of what young people refer to as BFF – best friends forever. They are your buddies, your inner circle of friends. They will be the ones journeying with you, supporting you through all weather, and be there with you till the end.

A tribe is formed organically through getting to know other seniors at social gatherings and activities.

Your tribe doesn’t have to be big. What is more important is being able to trust one another, and be there for one another. Your tribe should preferably have a mix of different ages, from 60s to 80s, of both genders and include other solo seniors as well as married couples.

If you haven’t found your tribe, don’t wait too long. You will be amazed how having buddies to do fun things together can improve your mental health and wellbeing. The days no longer drag by. Indeed, there is something to look forward to each day: A movie outing, a concert, a hike, a trip, a game of pickle ball, a dance class or an AI workshop. An endless list of activities to fill the hours happily while enjoying some quiet time too when alone at home.

You get to enjoy the best of both worlds, with friends and by yourself. This is how life should be for solo seniors.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The print version of this article was first published in the Star on Wed 18 Dec at this link:

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/12/18/starsilver-finding-your-tribe-in-the-golden-years

A TOAST TO REUNIONS

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Mon, 25 Nov 2024 12:18:00 +0000

Fu (front row, purple tee) and friends coming together to celebrate the 80th birthday of two SeniorsAloud members.

Several invitations over the past few weeks have prompted me to write this article. There was my uncle’s 91st birthday celebration, followed by my niece’s wedding and my university mates’ meetup. What all these have in common is an opportunity to meet up and catch up with relatives and friends I have not seen for years.

Once you hit your 70s and 80s, celebrations and reunions take on a new significance. With each passing year, you mark each auspicious occasion with a silent prayer. You thank God that you are still around to attend, and they are still around to celebrate.

You notice not all of your friends and relatives have made it through each year. Some have passed on without saying goodbye.

Some are bedridden in nursing homes. You have visited a few in hospital, and you have seen the pain and suffering they go through as they battle sickness and poor health. Not all can count their blessings.

You know that life is precious. So are old friends, especially those you have been to school or college with.

You were young then, so were they. Those shared memories are forever etched in your heart. For who will laugh at your silly teenage pranks and escapades except for those who were there with you?

We cracked up as we reminisced over the silly things we did. We mimicked our teachers, and exchanged notes on who’s where now, doing what, and with whom. And we remembered with sadness those that have passed on.

We should look forward to class reunions and anniversary celebrations, rather than avoid them. Whether it is a small informal get-together at a friend’s house or a gala dinner at a hotel, we enjoy reviving the camaraderie of former school days.

My two years of Form Six in English College, Johor Baru, were among the best years of my life. They were my coming-of-age years. I was 17 then. I discovered rock n’ roll and BOYS!

I learned to dance, went on dates and had my first taste of puppy love. All very innocent though. Most teenagers then were either too naive or too goody-two-shoes to try anything more than holding hands and exchanging love letters! It’s a different world now, so I hear.

Not everyone finds walking down memory lane a pleasant stroll. For some people, it can be a painful one, filled with remembrances that are best left buried and forgotten. But to others, reminiscing on treasured memories brings joy and contentment.

Why then do so many who have retired turn down invitations to school anniversaries and class reunions?

Why is there this reluctance to meet up with old friends? I recently attended Kuen Cheng High School’s 116th anniversary. I taught English there for 30+ years. I retired in Dec 2004. I have not missed any anniversary except during the Covid years.

As is the case in past years, I know I’ll be one of only a handful of ex-colleagues who will turn up at the anniversary. The number keeps dwindling each year. Where are the others?

Here’s the usual response from those who skip such social functions:

For the ladies: “No transport. Not sure how to get there”; “Busy. Have something on the same night”; “I’ve changed so much – old and fat now. Shy to go”; “I don’t feel well. Besides I have to babysit my grandchildren”; “My husband doesn’t want to go with me, and I don’t want to go on my own”.

For the men: “It’s too far for me to drive. The traffic’s is really bad”; “I don’t see well at night. I’m not sure of the way”; “It’ll probably be boring. I prefer to stay at home”; “I don’t like them to ask what I’m doing now”; “You mean there’s a fee? It’s not free?”.

People who are not keen on attending will always come up with endless excuses. They just can’t be persuaded. Reunions are anathema to them. As I think of friends from the old days, I wonder how many of us can honestly say we have made attempts to keep in touch? It doesn’t help either that as we age, the memory of dear old friends fades with each passing year.

“Make new friends, don’t forget the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”

Remember those lines? We used to write them in our classmates’ autograph books as a reminder to keep in touch after high school.

Sadly, we can now recall only a few faces and even fewer names. And when we finally make contact, it is to learn that a former classmate has passed on, another is battling cancer and yet another is suffering from Alzheimer’s. Fortunately, there are friends who are still hale and hearty, and enjoying their second prime of life.

Fu (front row, seven from left) and friends and members meet up at University of the Third Age (U3A) Malaysia at their Hi-Tea get-together in 2022. - Photos: - LILY FU

Don’t miss the chance

If you have lost touch with friends whom you grew up with, or studied with, it’s not too late to re-establish contact. With Google, Facebook, Linked-in and a host of other social networking apps and platforms, it is easy enough to search for long-lost buddies. Unless they prefer to remain uncontactable.

Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We have all been through both good and bad times. We can choose to remember the happy moments, or focus on negative past experiences that leave us feeling bitter.

So which will it be? The answer is obvious, yet there are people who choose to remember only the bad times, and that’s why they turn down invitations to meet up – because of old schoolgirl or schoolboy quarrels or some silly misunderstanding. Harboring negative emotions is akin to having toxins in our body.

When my college mates and I finished Form Six back in 1966, we went separate ways. We were too busy furthering our studies, and then pursuing a career. Before we knew it, along came the children and then one financial commitment after another.

There was hardly any time for friends or social activities. All too soon the children grew up and left to start their own career and family, leaving us with an empty nest.

Eventually when the other half passes on, it will be just us alone. That’s when loneliness starts to creep in, and regrets take over. Good friends provide an important support system that keeps us going. They help to fill the void. They are our travelling companions, partners-in-adventure, and pillars of strength in our times of need.

Having friends is good for our mental health too. Much as I enjoy my moments of solitude, I can’t imagine a life where I have only myself or my cat for company. Loneliness can slowly develop into depression over the years. And that is something we should avoid like the plague!

The next time you get an invitation to a class reunion or a small get-together of former school buddies, don’t turn it down. GO. It might be the beginning of old friendships rekindled. At our age, who can tell when we will ever get another opportunity to rekindle old friendships again.

With the year-end and new-year festive season coming up, there will be plenty of celebrations – opportunities for old and new friends to meet up.

There is the Chinese New Year reunion dinner in January, followed by various festivals and celebrations throughout the year. Will you show up at these gatherings and touch base with those you have not seen for years?

Or will it be a case of ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ till you read about their passing in the obituaries. Here’s to dear old friends wherever you are. Let’s meet up.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected.

(The above article was first published in the Star on Wed 20 Nov 2024. The online edition can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/11/24/starsilver-reunions-can-be-uplifting-and-build-connections-for-seniors.)

TIME TO TAKE STOCK

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 11:57:00 +0000

A sewing class for senior citizens as one of the PAWE Subang Jaya hobbycraft activities. - LILY FU

What a month it has been, and it’s not quite over yet. Oct 1 is International Day of Older Persons (IDOP). It marks the start of a month-long programme of activities and events for senior citizens.

There are seminars, carnivals, workshops, free health screenings and discounted buffets, to name a few, for them to enjoy.

A far cry from the early 2000s when the day would pass mostly unheralded. I remember a few days before Oct 1, I would scan the newspapers for any mention of upcoming events honouring senior citizens. Not a word. No mention at all.

I remember writing about the government and society’s apathetic attitude towards our older citizens. They have served the country well in their younger days and deserve to be acknowledged for their contribution to nation-building.

All that has changed, thanks to the work of international organisations like the United Nations, World Bank and Help Age International.

They have drawn worldwide attention to the rise in the elderly population, and its ramifications.

On the local front, we have NGOs like MyAgeing, Malaysian Healthy Ageing Society (MHAS), Gerontological Society of Malaysia (GEM) and others that have worked hard to raise awareness of the changing demographics and how this would impact the country.

Malaysia will reach aged nation status by 2030 when 15% of our population will be aged 60 and above.

This rise is predicted to accelerate due to longer life expectancy and a declining fertility rate.

IDOP is a time not only to celebrate our older population and recognise their contributions, but also a time to take stock. What progress have we made in improving life for our senior citizens? What more needs to be done? How prepared is the government to face the challenges brought about by a fast-greying population?

While we applaud the government for finally taking note and organising campaigns and activities to improve the health and wellbeing of senior citizens, and setting up more elderly-friendly facilities and services in public buildings, we must not forget those who are living in poverty, who are struggling with poor health, and who are victims of abuse and discrimination.

Living longer does not necessarily mean living better.

Society as a whole still views older people as unproductive, and therefore not worthy of investing money in.

Old people are considered a “lost” cause, with no ROI value. It explains why senior citizens clubs and organisations have difficulty raising money to fund their activities.

The young old – those in their 60s and 70s are still fit and certainly still able to contribute their services to society if given the opportunity.

Don’t write them off as past their productive shelf life. They can fill the gap in the shortage of younger workers in sectors such as administration and customer service.

If you are 60 and above, you are likely to have encountered instances of ageism at one time or another. Indeed, older people face age discrimination on a daily basis, especially if they lack education or financial resources.

Even at home, elderly parents find that no one listens to them. Their advice is often not sought for family decisions. They are head of the family only in name.

Giving voice to seniors

Power and money often speak louder than age. Older people in positions of influence and authority, with vast financial resources at their disposal can still command respect everywhere they go. They can take care of themselves in their old age.

It’s the rest of the retired populace that we should make a stand for. They are the voiceless ones, the silent majority who feel disadvantaged and powerless to fight against ageism. They are the ones who have fallen through the cracks, who remain unaware of what aid is available, where to seek help and who to approach.

Most of them are in the rural areas, in the small towns. They are too busy eking out a living, taking care of themselves and their families to attend courses or workshops meant to assist them.

How do we bridge this gap?

We must continue to advocate for the provision of social protection, long-term care and access to public health for the elderly. The government together with the private sector must provide more opportunities for older people to support themselves

From public transport to public housing, from healthcare to financial support, older people, in particular those from lower income group struggle to cope with living in a society that considers their needs as an afterthought.

While we seek support from the government to pass legislation to remove age discrimination, end elder abuse, provide opportunities for senior citizens to contribute their experience, society can do its part by according respect for older people so they can age with dignity. Respect for the elderly is in short supply.

The government is aware of what needs to be done, but implementation is painfully slow. The private sector has yet to fully acknowledge the impact this shift in demographics will have on the work force and on the economy.

Everyone will age

The time will come when all of us will have to wake up to the reality that global ageing is here to stay.

Any policies that uphold the rights of older people will ultimately benefit the young of today as they too will grow old one day.

To take this one step further, when a country takes good care of its elderly population, everyone benefits.

“On this International Day of Older Persons, I call on governments to do more to address the needs of older persons. The key interventions are well-known: granting universal access to social services; increasing the number and worth of pension plans; and creating laws and policies that prevent age and gender discrimination in the workplace.”

The above was the 2010 IDOP message from then UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon. 14 years have passed. What have we achieved? How does our report card look?

Change is inevitable. Change takes time, but older people don’t have the luxury of time.

How long must they wait? The number of older persons is growing and this silver wave can’t be stopped. (I am loath to use the word “tsunami” as it gives a negative connotation to the rise in the elderly population.)

Not everyone has children, not everyone has brothers and sisters, but everyone has parents.

Perhaps if we can think of older people as our elderly parents, we would want to support them, care for them, respect them and do our best for them. Perhaps then we can speed up the changes that need to be carried out so that life is worth living for the elderly in their old age.

Post-budget footnote:

However, things are looking up for senior citizens, in particular those in the lower income bracket.

Based on our Prime Minister’s Budget 2025 speech delivered in Parliament last Friday, the crumbs we have been getting for the past years have turned to slices. Hopefully these will grow bigger in the years to come.

From increased monthly welfare aid for senior citizens to more allocation for senior citizens’ activity centres, there is plenty to cheer about as IDOP draws to a close.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on 23 Oct 2024, and may be accessed HERE.)

LET'S EXTEND A HELPING HAND TO THE AGED IN NEED

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Wed, 16 Oct 2024 14:36:00 +0000

SeniorsAloud is delighted to share our latest community project - our 2025 calendar to raise funds for two aged care homes - one in Ampang, KL, the other in Penang. The central message remains the same as for our 2020 calendar: LIVE ACTIVE, LIVE HEALTHY, LIVE LONG.

The focus is on group activities for a healthy lifestyle and social connection. Each month features group activities that seniors can take up to improve their health and avoid social isolation which is common among older people.

For each month, there is a description of how these group activities can improve our health. It also introduces the various activity groups under SeniorsAloud e.g. Travel, Trips, Tours (3T), Arts, Books, Culture (ABC), Bits and Bytes (2B), Each group has several sub-groups e.g. karaoke, choir (under Jukebox) and hikes, walks and ping pong (under Outdoors). These activities are highlighted in the calendar.

The calendar also contains a useful list of Healthy Lifestyle Tips and the 7 Pillars of Ageing Well. You will find these tips most helpful in practising good habits for ageing well. You can refer to them the whole year through and practise them till they become part and parcel of your lifestyle. The calendar also contains the QR-codes for membership registration, SeniorsAloud FB and SeniorsAloud website.

From left: Lily, Mdm Ng Yoke Keow and Camie

SeniorsAloud members Camie Choo and founder Lily Fu visited the above home on Sunday 6 Oct 2024. They met with the home manager Mdm Goh. She showed them around the home and introduced them to some of the elderly residents there.

In total there are 21 men and women, all senior citizens being cared for by Mdm Goh and one young helper. Most of them are mobile but not all are able to look after themselves. They were all happy to see us and have their pictures taken with us. Camie had brought some food and provisions for them. They were most appreciative of her kindness.

Imagine cramming 21 beds into whatever space is available, including the living room and hallway. This home definitely could do with some help. It depends entirely on public donations.

By purchasing our calendar, you can help us make a small contribution towards the upkeep of the home. RM15 is just the cost of a meal to us but when pooled together, it means a lot to these elderly. If not for Mdm Ng taking them in, they would have nowhere to go.

If you would like to visit the home, the address is above, with the contact number. If you plan to donate some essential items, do call up first and ask what they need.

Rcently on 27 Oct during SA working trip to Penang for 50+ Expo, we visited the Peace and Harmony Home at Bukit Jambul. We were touched by what we saw when Mr Tan Swee Ban aka Ah Ban took us on a tour of the home. More photos and a video that you should watch on our SAloud FB. Below are a few to share.

The calendars are available at IMM Carehub, 2F-08, Level 2, 163 Retail Park, Jalan Kiara, KL. 017-2100218. Other pickup places are in Bangsar, Ampang and Subang Jaya. Whatsapp 012-3068291 to arrange for pickups. No calls, please. Payment can be by cash or e-wallet (TnG). SeniorsAloud members may obtain copies at our activities and events. Kindly inform their group leaders or administrators in advance. For orders outside the Klang Valley, postal/courier services can be arranged for delivery.

For our past community projects, go to https://www.seniorsaloud.com/p/community-projects.html

WHEN MEMORIES FADE....

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Sat, 28 Sep 2024 16:05:00 +0000

People with dementia will ask the same questions over and over again, forget where they keep things and accuse you of stealing their possessions, shares Fu, who cared for her late mother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease more than a decade ago. - DANIE FRANCO/Unsplash

Out of curiosity I once asked some doctors which disease they dreaded most when they reached old age. Their answer surprised me. I was expecting them to say “cancer” or “stroke”. Instead, it was Alzheimer’s Disease, AD for short.

To understand the reason for their answer, let me share my 10-year journey caring for my mother who was diagnosed with AD in July 2011. By the way, September 21 is World Alzheimer’s Day. This makes my sharing timely.

Those who have been on this AD journey know it is a journey marked by challenges, frustrations and pain. But there are also moments of joy, celebrations and breakthroughs that keep carers going.

I was totally ignorant about AD back in 2011. Mom had shown early signs of memory loss, but like most people, I viewed her forgetfulness as part and parcel of natural ageing. Until she fell and fractured her right hip. The incident turned my life upside down.

I went from being completely clueless about AD to learning everything I could about it. With my mum as my travel companion and care partner, we covered the whole continuum of care: From home care to daycare to residential care and finally to nursing home care.

Initially it was just forgetting dates, names and places. Then she started forgetting to close the front door when going out, or turn off the gas after cooking. Her forgetfulness was becoming increasingly more serious. She was also getting more argumentative, irrational and even aggressive. It made me wonder perhaps I was adopting the wrong approach in responding to her actions.

Her second fall four years later in July 2015 worsened her condition. This time she fractured her left femur and had to have surgery to insert a device called “proximal femoral nail anti-rotation” or PFNA.

Understandably, she developed a phobia of falling again. She adamantly refused physiotherapy after she was discharged from hospital.

Her leg muscles eventually grew so weak she never walked again. She became wheelchair-bound.

Over the years as the disease advanced, she gradually became a shadow of her former self. In her final years, she wasn’t able to eat or speak.

She could only make sounds, having forgotten the words to articulate. She didn’t know who I was or even who she was.

Fu celebrating her mum's 92nd birthday. She passed on at age 95 in 2021. - LILY FU

Learning about Alzheimer’s

In my determination to learn how to look after my mum better, and understand her needs, I enrolled for a full-time Master of Science in Applied Gerontology at Nanyang Technological University (NTU) in Singapore.

It would help me understand the science of ageing and be in an informed position to help others face the challenges of growing old.

One of the electives I took was Mental Health. I learned that dementia was an umbrella term for several mental illnesses such as Lewy Body Dementia, Vascular Dementia, Parkinson’s Disease Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease, depending on which part of the brain was affected.

I also learned that AD can be hereditary if a parent or a sibling has the APOE gene that causes AD. That put me at risk. My great grandma probably had it, based on what I now know about AD.

So did at least two of my aunts. And now my mum. All women. AD affects women more than men. Another risk factor.

Here’s a third risk. Blows to the head that cause traumatic brain injury may also result in a higher risk of dementia later in life.

I have had three major head injuries – on my forehead when I was six years old, at the back of my head when I was knocked down and fell backwards on the road, and the most recent in July this year at the right side of my head when I tripped and hit my head against the side of the table. Fortunately, although all three required stitches, there was no fracture or internal bleeding.

But the risk of developing dementia later in life is always there. Rather than allow fear and anxiety take over my life, I prefer to not think about it and instead, focus on the positives. I still have my mental faculties intact. I continue to read, write and give talks. I keep myself physically and mentally active, and socially engaged.

Our brain cells are capable of neuroplasticity and neurogenesis if we keep exercising them through lifelong learning and mental stimulation.

Caring for persons with dementia

It requires endless patience, resilience and energy to keep up with the person with dementia’s constant needs and demands.

Emotional or psychological abuse is common among sole caregivers. There is no rest as you are on duty 24/7 at home. There is no one else to relieve you. It is so easy to succumb to stress brought on by fatigue and lack of rest/sleep.

People with dementia will ask the same questions over and over again, forget where they keep things and accuse you of stealing their possessions. You have to keep an eye on them all the time. If they leave the house on their own, they would likely be lost, unable to remember the way home.

Today there is more awareness of AD and how to cope with caregiver burnout.

Alzheimer Disease Foundation Malaysia (ADFM) conducts regular talks and workshops on caregiving, and has set up a strong support group for caregivers. They operate a daycare at their premises in Petaling Jaya and an information centre at Atria Mall.

Dementia daycare and residential care services are now available in most towns. Many aged care centres offer workshops and training on dementia care. The bigger hospitals have designated dementia wards. The Universiti Malaya Medical Centre has a Memory Clinic, and Dr Cecilia Chan is breaking new ground with her fun activities and patient-centred caregiving at the BSC Eldercare Centre in Butterworth.

Alzheimer’s Disease International (ADI) estimates over 10 million new cases of AD each year worldwide.

With Malaysia fast heading towards aged nation status by 2040, we need to be prepared for the rise in dementia cases. The longer life span will mean a longer period of caregiving. We need to equip ourselves with learning as much as we can, not only to look after others with AD, but also to recognise the early signs and know what to do to prevent AD.

Alzheimer’s Association lists these 10 Early Signs of Alzheimer’s.

• Memory loss that disrupts daily life.

• Challenges in planning or solving problems

• Difficulty completing familiar tasks

• Confusion with time or place

• Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships

• Problems with words in speaking or writing

• Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps

• Decreased or poor judgment

• Withdrawal from work or social activities

• Changes in mood and personality

There is currently no cure for AD. However, ongoing research points to very encouraging results for a cure in the near future. The best prevention is to adopt an active and healthy lifestyle. Remember not only to exercise our body, but also our brain. Keep learning new things. Challenge ourselves physically and mentally. And for the carers out there, know that you are not alone. There are support groups that you can reach out to.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The print version was first published on Wed 18 Sept 2024. The online version is accesible at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/09/25/starsilver-when-memories-start-to-fade)

DONT' LET CLUTTER TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR HOME AND YOUR LIFE

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 01:43:00 +0000

If you find it extremely stressful to throw anything of yours away, you may have a hoarding problem. - LUCIA SORRENTINO/Unsplash

‘One man’s treasure is another man’s trash’. How true when it comes to our earthly belongings. Our treasure could be junk to our children. We are from different generations, with different lifestyles and different tastes.

The more stuff we accumulate, the bigger the burden we leave for our children to dispose of when we pass on, as we all will, eventually.

It’s time to start getting rid of things we no longer have any use for. Decluttering makes sense. No need to wait till we are in our twilight years to do so. Decluttering frees up space in our home and keeps it clean and tidy, spick and span.

There is also less risk of tripping and falling when there is less clutter. The home is better ventilated and easier to maintain. It creates a conducive and healthy environment for work and relaxation. With less clutter, we not only think better but also locate items we are looking for more easily.

Indeed, a number of my friends have already started the process. They have hosted garage sales to dispose of stuff they no longer want. Some have gone online to sell their preloved items at a bargain. Others have donated unwanted items to charity or sent them to recycling centres. One even generously gave away her expensive quality furniture on a first-come basis!

As for me, I have a very long way to go before I can honestly give myself a pat on the shoulder and say, ‘Well done! Marie Kondo would be proud of me!’

I have cupboards and boxes full of books, files, photos and numerous Teachers Day gifts accumulated over 35 years of teaching. Then there is my home library of books I have bought over the years, with many still unread and gathering dust and attracting silverfish! A predicament very familiar to retired seniors.

So, declutter I will, and the sooner I get started, the quicker I can enjoy the comfort of an airy, clean and spacious home. Not only does clutter deprive us of space and a tidy home, more importantly, it affects our health. We are at risk of developing respiratory problems from the dust and suffering bites from mites. Minimalism is the way to go for seniors.

I have contacted a few former colleagues who teach English and offered them my collection of textbooks and reference books. I have left several boxes of books with the PJ library. Strangely enough, it wasn’t too painful a decision to part with the books. I felt a sense of relief knowing the books would be in good hands and put to good use.

There were plenty of takers for my prized collection of cassettes and CDs of popular songs from the 1960s-70s. It was painful for me to part with them as some of the songs marked certain poignant moments in my past.

Next up were my clothes. Believe me, I still have clothes from the 1960s, like my Form Five graduation dress which I had designed and persuaded my dear seamstress, Aunt Bertha, to sew for me. I had kept it for nostalgic reasons.

Also, the sexy high-slit, figure-hugging glittering cheongsam that I last wore at my birthday party during my Form Six days at English College, Johor Bahru. I have been preserving these outfits in the hope that I’ll slim down enough to wear them again someday. Fat chance! It is a miracle these outfits have stood the test of time.

Seniors will tell you things from the old days were more durable, unlike today’s products that are not made to last.

A good idea would be to keep clearing your possessions in small batches to avoid hoarding.- LILY FU

Don’t be a hoarder

The sudden urge to clean up my apartment was also a result of seeing some horrific images and videos of hoarders and their homes. Just do a search of hoarders on FB and YouTube, and you’ll be appalled.

Imagine the horror of living in a house where every inch of space from floor to ceiling is filled with junk and garbage, not to mention infested with rats, cockroaches and other unmentionables! This is accumulating stuff to the extreme!

When we don’t declutter and keep on adding more stuff, we are at risk of falling victim to Diogenes Syndrome, also known as senile squalor syndrome. Google the term.

Hoarders are often older adults who live on their own. With no one to stop them from accumulating stuff, and with the whole house to themselves, they start filling up every room with anything they can lay their hands on, in the belief that it will come in handy someday. That day usually never comes, and so the boxes and bags of useless items keep growing. Eventually the whole place becomes a fire threat and a death trap!

After years of hoarding, the hoarder gets so overwhelmed when he looks around him that he doesn’t even know where to begin clearing even if he wants to. So, he gives up and continues to let the junk pile up.

I can understand why some elderly people hoard. They find it hard to throw away things. They have been through the war years in the 1940s when food and basic necessities were in short supply. They have experienced the lean years.

So now they collect anything and everything, from empty containers and plastic bags to used newspapers and magazines. They see every item as being of use some day. When this habit extends to leftover food and perishables, you can imagine the stink it creates, not to mention the flies it attracts. The nightmare is compounded if the hoarder also brings home stray cats and dogs.

So, my spring cleaning has begun. If I wait till the new year, I may never get started. Procrastination is the thief of time. The process will take time, and it will be heart-breaking. Long retired seniors like me have a lifetime of mementos and memories that we hold precious and keep for sentimental reasons: School report cards, baby photos, love letters, diaries, 33 rpm records ... the list goes on.

But there are some items I will never throw out, like my high school essay book containing the compositions I wrote back in 1964 when I was sweet sixteen! Also handmade birthday cards from my children and grandchildren. They will enjoy the memories these cards bring up. These are among the favorite things that I will keep close to my heart.

Here are some tips I can think of on how to avoid cluttering our home. I’ll be the first person to follow my own advice!

• Throw out or donate anything that you haven’t used or worn for the past two years. It may pain you but be firm.

• Avoid buying anything you don’t have any immediate use for. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “Hmm...this might come in handy one day”.

• Practice sorting things and keeping them in separate compartments. This not only saves space but makes it easier to locate things.

• Regularly go through your fridge and pantry. Check food items for their expiry date. If expired, chuck them out.

• Get rid of the “bargain mentality”. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need just because it’s on offer at a fantastic discount. Keep purchases to a minimum, especially if you are living alone. Don’t be taken in with those “Buy six, Free one”.

• If something is broken, throw it out. Don’t hang on to it in the hope that you will be able to repair it. That may never happen.

Avoid buying items for a future project unless you can commit to it. Examples: buying a sewing machine to sew a baby quilt for your future grandchild; investing in a full set of handyman tools because you plan to be Mr D.I.Y. Home Fix-It, only to discover later that home repairs are best done by a professional!

Who knows where we may live 10, 20 years from now. There may come a day when we have to move to a smaller house. Empty nesters may have to seriously consider downsizing for practical reasons. We may end up moving to our daughter’s house so she could better care for us in our old age. Or we may find ourselves in an aged care home. If any of that happens, imagine all the stuff we will have to dispose of, moving from a 3-room family home to a single room!

It’s never too early or too late to start decluttering. Just do it!

When it comes to the last goodbye, we have to leave all our possessions behind. We came into this world with nothing, and will leave with nothing. The true worth of our lives is measured by our experiences, not our possessions. It is enough if we can say we have left behind a legacy of beautiful memories for our loved ones.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(This article was first oublished in the print edition of The Star on Wed 28 Aug 2024. The online edition can be accessed at the link below)

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/08/30/not-quite-in-plain-sight/

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL....

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Thu, 15 Aug 2024 05:49:00 +0000

by LILY FU

In our youth, we loved the mirror. It was kind to us. We looked at our reflection first thing in the morning, last thing before we went to bed at night and countless times in between. We would never pass by a mirror without taking a peek at ourselves in it.

But, as the years roll by, we avoid this habit. Indeed, we dread to see the ageing reflection of ourselves – wrinkles, sagging skin, droopy eyes and all. Quite depressing.

As if to remind me that I am not spared, of late, images of ageing celebrities have been popping up on my Facebook. Celebrities who were once upon a time my teenage pop idols in the 1960s are now octogenarians.

Mick Jagger is 80, Paul McCartney, 82 and Bachelor Boy Cliff Richard is now 83. The “Young Ones” are now the “Young Once”! Age has also not spared the movie sweethearts from my school days. Goldie Hawn has turned 78, Ali MacGraw is a greying 85. The granddaddy of all must be Clint Eastwood at 94. Such painful reminders!

Some have aged well like fine wine; others are doing all they can to fight the physical ravages time has wreaked on them.

Whatever the heart desires

Let’s face it. Ageing is something that happens to all of us. At best, we can camouflage the lines with cosmetics, hide the grey hair with colour and, if we have the money, go for botox, face lifts, eyelid surgery, rhinoplasty and hair transplant. It’s not only facial. We can also go for a complete physical makeover of the body – breast implants, liposuction, silicone buttock implants and whatever the heart desires.

If money is not an issue, regaining physical youthful beauty is possible and available, from head to toe. Plastic surgeons are the darlings and gurus of rich older women.

If all else fails, and if we need reassurance that we still look good at our age, there is always digital technology to enhance our looks. Remember the days of glamour photos in the early 2000s? The photo studio would touch up the photos and make us look like cover girls. Now with filters on our smartphones and AI apps, we can be digitally transformed in a matter of seconds into a Ms Malaysia hopeful!

This desire to still look young and pretty stems from the social stigma attached to ageing. Why are women in particular so defensive about disclosing their age?

A simple question “How old are you?” is invariably answered with “Guess!” – No straight answers there. It becomes a game, an annoying one.

Why do women pour so much money into futile attempts to stay forever young? Judging by the advertisements in men’s magazines, our male counterparts are feeling the same way about turning back the clock.

More men are now chasing that elixir of youth too, as evident from the rising demand for skincare products for men.

Growing old is natural and inevitable. Why fight it or try to reverse it? That would be like trying to stem the tide. Age is just a number. We should be proud of our age. No need to hide it. We should look at our wrinkles as life-lines of experience, and our greying hair as threads of wisdom.

There is no such thing as “anti-ageing” and “reverse ageing”. These are terms popularly used to market beauty and skin care products. At best we can slow down the ageing process.

With an active, healthy lifestyle, we can look younger than our chronological age. Don’t be taken in by commercials that promote miracle anti-ageing products that promise to take years off our age within weeks. There are no short-cut fixes to prevent ageing. It takes effort, not miracles.

The youthful seniors among us are born with great genes that slow down the ageing process.

They look terrific for their age, whatever it is. We have all met such blessed individuals and secretly admire them, envy them.

For those among us who can only afford medium price-range cosmetics to look good, be comforted to know that less is always more when it comes to make-up for older women.

Unless we know how to apply make-up expertly to look younger and more natural, we may end up looking like a painted Chinese opera performer.

Piling on heavy makeup actually makes us look old! It’s a futile attempt at covering up. Who are we kidding?

Branded cosmetics are expensive. Wearing make-up is addictive. Once we are used to having our face all made up whenever we go out, or when we have company, we will feel naked to be seen sans make-up. It is ironic to pay for cosmetics that promise to give users that ‘bare’ or natural look!

Where are the over-50s in beauty advertisements? After all, there are plenty of beautiful older women who look good enough to lend credibility to skincare products that are being promoted. - NASHUA VOLQUEZ-YOUNG/Pexels

Confident women don’t mind being seen in public with minimal make-up on their face. They know outer beauty is only skin-deep. It is what’s inside that makes them glow on the outside – inner strength of character and a positive attitude towards life. A cliché but true.

Having a passion for a worthy cause or devoting our time to helping others nourishes the joie de vivre in us. An excellent example is theatre doyen Faridah Merican, 84, a natural beauty sans makeup. She has found her calling in life and that keeps her youthful.

If going under the knife to look good makes you feel confident about yourself, or if you are doing it for functional reasons rather than aesthetic like getting dental implants, by all means go for it. Just don’t overdo it or you might end up looking really fake with all that plastic surgery.

Make sure you get an experienced and certified surgeon. There have been too many cases of surgeries gone wrong with the patient ending up with permanent scars or worse – disfigurement.

And if you are prepared to spend on costly anti-ageing products, make sure you do the research and find out if the products are genuine and effective. Otherwise, it’ll be money down the drain.

Where are the older models?

It’s time for the beauty industry to feature older women in their ads especially those promoting skincare and hair growth products. Enough of featuring women in their 30s and 40s to promote anti-wrinkle creams.

There is no shortage of beautiful women in the 50s and above who look youthful enough to lend credibility to the skincare product they are promoting.

With the world’s ageing population growing, the anti-ageing industry can only go from strength to strength in terms of revenue generated. This includes supplements to help us regain and retain vitality.

Aesthetic surgeons will likely be among the most sought after of medical professionals, as there will always be men and women who refuse to accept growing old.

For the rest of us who prefer to let nature take its course, just remember that growing older isn’t all that dreadful if we still enjoy good health, have plenty of good friends and a family that loves us and cares about us.

So let us accept ageing as inevitable, smile and make every single day count by living it positively. That to me is ageing gracefully.

Michelle Yeoh gestures in Paris, France, during the opening ceremony of the 2024 Summer Olympics. Yeoh, according to the columnist, is a great example of how to age gracefully.- AP

Our very own Michelle Yeoh, now officially a senior citizen at 61, is showing us just how to age well.

The same with DJ Dave who is a dashing 76!

It takes courage to accept ageing. Not all succeed. When we harbour negative emotions like regrets, bitterness, self-pity, we will soon spiral down into depression. That’s the fastest way to age. We will end up looking older than our age.

Invest in joy, love, forgiveness, gratitude. Eat sensibly. Exercise regularly. Enjoy the sunshine.

Nourish our skin with moisturisers. Smile often. Have a hearty laugh every now and then. Make positive words a part of our daily vocabulary. Think good thoughts.

Know the most effective way to look good? SMILE! It’s instant, free, easy and guaranteed to make us look good and feel good. That’s why we smile for photos. A genuine friendly smile given is almost certain to be reciprocated. Try it.

The next time you look in the mirror, tell yourself this:

“I will wear my age with pride, like a badge of honour, for I have conquered; I have thrived; I have survived!”

(Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.)

The above article was first published in the print edition of the Star on 31 July 2024, and the online edition on 2 August 2024.

Reviving the kampung spirit in our residential neighbourhoods

noreply@blogger.com (seniorsaloud) — Mon, 22 Jul 2024 11:25:00 +0000

Fu (left) with Pn Hafsah and Mrs Lim, who often share their harvest of fruit and plants with their neighbours. - LILY FU

By Lily Fu

Where would you see yourself living in your old age?

Pose this question to a senior citizen. Almost invariably the answer is “at home”. As a senior citizen myself, and speaking on behalf of those in my senior community, of course, we would love to spend our retirement years in one of the upmarket senior living resorts that have sprung up in recent years to cater to the growing ageing population.

The oohs and aahs each time we visit one of these establishments! How we would love to spend our golden years in comfort and have everything done for us – meals, laundry, housekeeping, with access to facilities like karaoke, theatre, gym and pool. And for those who need a little more care or pampering – healthcare and wellness services are available.

But we know that is wishful thinking. Few can afford the RM5,000-RM8,000 monthly fees to enjoy the perks of living in a Club Med style retirement home. It’s a question of affordability, not availability.

There is at least half a dozen such five-star senior residences open for long-term stay. But the take-up has been slow so far.

Given ageing at home as the overwhelming choice, perhaps it’s time we looked at how we can make this option viable and safe for our seniors.

Aside from installing age-friendly facilities in the home, such as easy accessibility, adequate lighting, hand rails, grab bars and non-slip flooring, we also need to provide care and security for elderly residents who choose to live their remaining years in the comfort and familiarity of their own home.

What I am proposing is a new model for community living in urban townships. We need to transplant the kampung spirit in our cities and towns. Today we have the sad situation of neighbours living within the same block of apartments, sharing the same premises for years, yet not know one another.

They are total strangers – no names, no smiles or greetings when their paths cross in the common areas.

The two years of living under Covid SOP restrictions has shown that we need to support one another to get through difficult times.

That’s why reviving the community spirit is so crucial – not just for the elderly but also for all residents regardless of age. When there is an emergency, neighbours are ready to assist.

We need to build that communal environment to support ageing in place.

This would require a new and expanded role for the Residents’ Management Committee (RMC). I have always felt the RMCs should play a much bigger role beyond collecting maintenance fees and supervising the common areas.

Let me take where I live as an example. I moved in when the housing project was completed in 1990. Having lived there for 34 years, and having observed the interaction (or lack of) among the residents, I am convinced it is time for a new model of residential living.

But first, some changes are necessary. Here are some of my proposals:

Start a residents’ service directory

The management office already has all the files. Just add on other info e.g. residents’ field of expertise, work experience, services they can provide e.g. child/elder care, food catering, home tuition.

The RMC can promote this to the residents who can then decide whether they want to be included in this directory or not. It’s on a voluntary basis.

This directory will come in useful to link residents who require certain services with residents who have such services to offer, whether on a gratis basis or as a source of income.

No more anxiety about whether your elderly parent is safe alone at home knowing that a neighbour is helping to look after him.

Consider the convenience of home repair services just doors away, or meals, personal grooming, tailoring as well as physiotherapy delivered at your door-step.

Getting a ride from a neighbour is just a call or a few doors away, inviting some of them over for mahjong or bridge, or sharing some food, watching a football match together on TV or a movie on Netflix. More fun than watching it alone.

The acts of communal living are endless. Not all neighbours are friendly but once we get to know them better, they may turn out to be really nice people.

Community space

The multi-function rooms or community hall could be used for cooking demonstrations, health talks or workshops. I recall years ago we celebrated festivals e.g. Hari Raya, Mooncake festival, Deepavali in the common areas.

Neighbours brought their home-cooked dishes for the pot-luck dinner. The children had a great time running around while their parents chatted. I miss those get-togethers.

They tapered off when the RMC underwent changes over the years with each new committee. The reason given was always lack of funds. I am more inclined to think it was lack of initiative as pot-luck meals do not involve any cost to the RMC.

A community garden

My taman doesn’t have a community garden but those on the ground floor have a small patch that many have converted into a fruit/veg/herbal garden. I love the neighbourly spirit of some of the residents.

One good example is Puan Hafsah who lovingly tends to her herbal and spice garden daily. There is also Mrs Lim who prefers to plant flowers and vegetables.

She has several varieties of orchids in her corner lot garden. Both are happy to share their herbs and veggies with anyone who asks. In the common areas the gardeners hired by the management have planted moringa, tapioca, aloe vera, lemon grass, chilli padi and more.

Residents can help themselves to these.

Activities and services

When the kampung spirit is there, it’s easy to organise early morning walks or exercises e.g. tai chi, led by a volunteer resident. Every morning some of my neighbours go brisk walking or slow jogging around the gated premises.

We greet one another with a smile and “Selamat Pagi”. As there are nine blocks of apartments, going three to four rounds within the compound is sufficient for a good workout.

In my taman, we may not have a pool, but we have a small convenience store that serves the residents with basic essentials, including cooking gas.

There is also a small shelter for short-term stay for cats when their owners are away. A section is partitioned off as a sick bay to isolate the sick ones.

The management office staff helps to look after the cats. There is an outdoor gym and a children’s playground. I love to sit at my balcony in the evenings and watch the boys come out to play football or rounders, while the little children enjoy themselves at the playground with their mothers keeping a watchful eye on them.

It is an opportunity for the mothers to socialise with other parents. There used to be a library/reading room where the children could go to read or do their homework.

I hope the recently elected committee will revive this.

Such a concept can be easily implemented and supported by social media platforms like Facebook, Telegram and WhatsApp. Getting all residents to come on board in a WhatsApp chat group would help to foster a community spirit. Really, there’s no excuse for not trying out this model.

When residents see the benefits, more will come on board to offer their services and earn some income. The seniors themselves must stay active and in good health, so they can remain independent and mobile for as long as possible.

Only then can they opt for ageing-in-place. Otherwise, the only option is to move to an aged care facility or a nursing home.

With Malaysia’s population moving towards aged nation status by 2030, and with the number of older adults living alone rising, reviving the kampung spirit makes a lot of sense.

I hope more residents’ management committees will take up this model of community living. It can be easily adopted in condos, apartment blocks, PPR flats and housing gardens. There is nothing to lose but so much to gain when neighbours come together in the kampung spirit of cooperation or gotong royong.

The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star under the column 'Grey Matters' on Wed 3 July 2024. The online version can be accessed at

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/07/04/reviving-the-kampung-spirit-in-our-residential-neighbourhoods

(Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.)