YES! If you know these secrets:

• In the evening ask your spouse to share the day’s experiences with you before you do the same. give your undivided attention. Respond to the feelings expressed – don’t reject any of them.
• About half of the mistakes made in this relationship will be yours. Apologize when you make them, but don’t think a mere apology ever lets you off the hook. Make a commitment to yourself and your spouse not repeat the error. Fulfill the commitment.
• Make up after fights. Be the first to seek reconciliation. Send a note or call your spouse at/ from work. Either apologize or merely say, “I’m sorry we had such a terrible fight.” Treat your mate like a best friend.
• Support your spouse. Be his or her blocker, coach, and cheerleader. Lift your spouse up to the world.
• Never criticize the one you love to others. Never ridicule – anytime, anyplace. Never threaten or tell your spouse to get out unless you mean it – for good.
• Ask for feedback on how you’re doing. On a regular basis discuss what each of you could be doing more of, less of, and the same for each other. Don’t harbor unexpressed negative feelings; these are the seeds of alienation and separation.
• Touch your partner constantly with hugs, rubs, and handholding. Hang on to intimacy for dear life.
• Renew your wedding vows where you were married or any place in the presence of loved ones.

1. Nonverbal communication. When your partner comes home, do you greet him or her with a hug and a kiss, or do you ignore them? When your partner brings up a beloved hobby or tells that joke again at a party, do you roll your eyes? Are your arms crossed defensively whenever your partner asks you a question? Do you wag your finger in his or her face when you want to make a point? Pay attention to your body language when you are with your partner. Try sitting calmly, hands open and apart on your lap, showing that you are ready to receive your partner’s words. Refrain from making nonverbal “comments” with your facial expressions. Use a soft touch to get your partner’s attention instead of a hasty, “Hey, you!” It may take time for your partner to notice a change, but soon he or she will begin responding differently to you, too. You may even realize that you love each other more than you thought.

2. Withholding information. Everyone is entitled to privacy, but failure to disclose important information is unfair. A good relationship can withstand honesty. Did you forget to pay the property taxes and fail to tell your spouse? Did you say yes to a beer and poker night without letting your partner know until 15 minutes before you were ready to walk out the door for the evening? Or, are there more important things that you haven’t shared, things that might help your partner understand you better? Disappointments, losses, and failures are all part of who you are. When you leave your partner guessing why you’re moody or quiet, your partner begins to blame him- or herself. At the very least, let your partner know that you have some private difficulties that you are struggling with, and that they are not to blame. Large or small, communicating about things about you that affect your partner’s own well-being is important for a good relationship.

3. Attitude. Do you approach your partner with his or her best interests at heart? Sometimes partners become unwitting enemies. They expect their partner to be hurtful, and they in turn become defensive and unloving. When you believe that your partner is your friend, it is much easier to communicate without tension, or resolve conflicts without destructive arguing. Having a warm, receptive attitude toward your partner, showing your best side, and expecting your partner to treat you the same will go a long way toward creating an atmosphere of intimacy, where honest communication can take place.

These mistakes that couples make–using hostile nonverbal communication, withholding information, and having an attitude of expecting the worst–are sometimes difficult to recognize. Choose one area to pay attention to. Notice what triggers negative actions or thoughts. Then do your best to behave in a way that makes you feel better about yourself and your partner. Changing subtle problems like this can be difficult, but the payoff will make it well worth the effort.

By Dr. Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D

Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a psychologist and Director of The Buehler Institute in Orange County, CA where she provides sex therapy for men, women, and couples. To read her blog and sign up for her ezine on improving intimate relationships in and out of the bedroom, visit http://www.thebuehlerinstitute.com. Article Source: EzineArticles.com

One of the things that people frequently complain about is that their partner doesn’t touch them enough. Touch can be confusing, though. One person’s pat of affection is another person’s invitation to make love. Another person’s invitation to make love is another person’s pat. But let’s first consider the purpose of touch, then look at some of the types of touch available to you and your partner.

Why do people touch one another? We reserve touch for people with whom we have a connection. We first learn touch from our parents who take care of us. We receive pleasure from soothing, nurturing touch and eventually we learn to give it back in return. We snuggle, we hug, we hold hands, especially when we are little.

When we are older, parents expect us to be independent. One of the ways some families encourage this is by not hugging and cuddling so much. Also, at a certain point, intimate touch between parent and child just becomes a little too intimate. So we learn to control our urge to touch.

However, that doesn’t mean we don’t still need to be touched. A researcher once compared groups of orphaned infants that did and did not receive touch. The orphans who did not receive touch did not thrive and some actually died. (Please note that today this type of research would be considered unethical.) Dr. Spitzer made his point, though, that humans need touch if they are to develop normally and have healthy relationships.

We need touch to reassure us, to let us know we are cared about, to relax us, and to communicate caring feelings. Here are four kinds of touch that you can think about: healing, affectionate, sensual, and sexual.

Healing touch: This kind of touch can be used to soothe your partner. A great neck massage or foot rub can ease muscle tension and make your partner feel good all over. You can use massage aids like rollers on your partner’s back and shoulders. Add some sesame or almost oil to the experience and you’re really onto something. You can scent the oil with an aromatherapy oil like sandalwood or eucalyptus for a guy, lavender or almost any fragrant flower for a woman.

Affectionate touch: Give your partner a hug or a squeeze around their shoulders. Throw your arms around his or her neck and hold on. Rub their arm or leg in a reassuring, loving way. Affectionate touch may or may not lead to sensual touch.

Sensual touch: This is a step up from affectionate touch. Now you’ll use longer, more sensual stroking of your partner’s arms and legs. When you hug him or her, you’ll let your hands really feel those muscles and savor their response. You may let a finger play along an ear or the throat. Sensual touch may or may not lead to sexual touch.

Sexual touch: Now you’re cooking with gas. Your touch is still long and lingering, but you start to include the erogenous zones like breast and inner thighs. You may be a little firmer and insistent with your touch. You will probably want to be partially clothed or nude so that you can feel your partner’s skin and muscles. Your touch also includes the genitals, often as a prelude to intercourse.

Now that you know more about touch, you can let your partner know the kind of touch you are looking for. You can tell him or her that you want a massage and nothing else. Or if you want affection, you can ask for that, too, and decide if you want to go on to some sensual touching. Agree that you are both permitted to give and take the kinds of touch you want, knowing that almost any kind of touch can make you feel warm and relaxed.

Sensual massage is the ideal outlet to express your feelings for your partner. Learning the methods and techniques of this intimate act can improve and build upon your relationship. It doesn’t always have to lead to a sexual encounter, merely let it be a way you communicate your feelings for one another with the sense of touch we all need in our lives. Sensual massage is pleasing on so many levels for a couple. It can titillate and fan the flames of desire, it allows you to express your love and devotion through your fingertips and it will solidify your bond with your partner. Learn more about how to give your partner a sensual massage and watch how your intimate relationship will blossom and flourish.

Couples that implement sensual massage in their relationship often report they feel closer to their partner. It fosters sexual desire so they are not only connecting on a sensual level but a physical one as well. This in turn builds trust, care and can make you feel as one. It can chase away negative feelings you may have brought home from your day out in the world and fosters a bond that is as intense as it is necessary for a truly connected intimate relationship between two people. Keeping your hands in contact with your partner’s skin is necessary for it to be a lasting and loving intimate relationship. When you and your partner touch often it can enhance your sexual feelings for each other even when you are out of bed.
Try using sensual massage techniques three times a week for at least two weeks and see how it improves your relationship. You may be surprised at how the both of you look forward to it. And you may also be surprised at how quickly a renewed sexual attraction ensues from touching only sessions.