I have this quirk to my anxiety about small, grocery store purchases.  I worry here and there about and waste time fretting over small price differences that don’t mean jack in the grand scheme of things.

For example, I have a preferred brand of peanut butter and it’s a bit pricier because of its nutritional value – sometimes as much as a dollar or more higher than your regular Skippy or Peter Pan.

So what do I do? I stand there looking at a whole shelf of alternatives wondering if I should really spend that extra dollar or so to get what I really want and when I choose it, then I feel a little guilty for not being a more frugal shopper. And all the while, I’ve burned precious mental energy debating an utterly meaningless decision. It’s not like world peace is hanging in the balance.

What’s more, I know what’s going on and still do it to today at times, especially during those weeks when money is tight. Strangely, I don’t struggle nearly as much over larger purchases such as the cost of a computer, dress clothes for work, or other items that can really put a dent in my budget.

The fact is there are a lot of stressors in life, some are justified and others are utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of life.

So what’s the solution? When you know the choice is relatively meaningless, just say “Screw It,” then make your choice and move on with life.  It may take some practice but it can be quite liberating!

Do you have a favorite tactic to deal with pesky little anxieties like this?  Share it below so other readers might benefit from your experience.

Photo Source: Unknown

Have you experienced prolonged or repeated episodes of drama on Facebook? Do you find yourself complaining about the drama on Facebook?  Or worse, have you taken a “break” from Facebook because of all the drama? *Caution: I sense a rant coming*

My guess – and it’s only a guess – is that those persons who seem to get repeatedly embroiled in Facebook drama possibly do so in real life as well and may contribute as much to the drama as anyone else.  The curious thing is that they seem to think it is always someone else causing the drama and maybe it is, but maybe, just maybe, it isn’t all someone else’s fault.

If there is too much drama in your Facebook life then take a look in the mirror, re-evaluate your online relationships, and online behaviors.  Ask yourself if the online dramas reflect your real life dramas? And, if Facebook dramas don’t mirror real life dramas, then maybe it’s simply time to re-evaluate how you use social media rather than whether you use it.

After all, Facebook – like isn’t inherently good or bad – it’s what you do with it that matters.  Kind of like most things in life.

Why do I write this? Is it because of drama in my Facebook life? Hell, no … my Facebook life is entertaining but relatively pedestrian.  Sure, I occasionally make a stupid remark and have been called on it, but we all do that at times – in real life and in cyberspace. Big deal. Apologize, learn from it, and move on.

I write this because I hate to see friends – even acquaintances – in distress.  I write this because of the few times I’ve seen friends suddenly and needlessly disappear from Facebook or other social media due to the drama.  Guess what? If you flee rather than deal with the issues then not only are you deprived of the benefits of social networking but your friends are deprived of you and left to worry if something is really wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a person needs to take a break from Facebook and other social media as well as e-mail and the Internet generally. A healthy break that helps clear your head and re-set is good, but a break that doesn’t lead to resolution of a situation or positive changes that will prevent recurrences is something of a meaningless act. In those cases you’ve let the drama push you away rather than dealing with the underlying issues.

With all that said, some may wonder if I’m being hypocritical by complaining about drama. I’m not complaining about drama on Facebook, but I am concerned about those who repeatedly complain about drama and then don’t do anything positive to eliminate the drama in a healthy way. There’s a difference. And if you need help dealing with the drama – just ask.

Before I call it a night there is one disclaimer that I must make for fear of generating drama on my own and I’ll take a cue from TV and film to say:

“This is almost a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living, dead or undead, is entirely coincidental.”

Medicating children for mental health conditions, ADD/ADHD, and other learning disabilities should be an absolute last resort. IMO parents should go to the ends of the earth before taking a chance on medication.

Of course, I’m not a parent so by some people’s reasoning I don’t have a vote in the ongoing debate about children and medication for mental health issues, ADD/ADHD, and other conditions.

Now are children being over-medicated? I haven’t studied the studies, but anecdotally I would bet children are because I believe adults are over medicated. It seems to me that if doctors of all stripes are too quick to prescribe meditations for adults then they are likely – albeit less – to do the same for children.

The reason I am so concerned about possible over-prescribing is that we don’t know enough about the medications and how they impact the brain of an adult. It’s not difficult to find articles discussing hypothesis for why a medication may work and even the documentation that come with many medications indicates that scientists aren’t quite sure why a medication does or doesn’t work on adults.

If we truly understood how they worked, then don’t you think we would have better medications so many years after the Prozac era? So why would we give unproven, less-than-understood medications to developing children unless it was as an absolutely last resort?

Assuming I’m correct, what do we do about it?  Let’s see, the government could spend millions of dollars on another public education campaign or maybe the medical profession should do its job and set strict criteria – albeit voluntary – for the prescription of certain medications.

Among my recommendations:

• Pediatricians and general practitioners would be restricted in their prescribing habits – perhaps even barred from prescribing mental health medications for children.
• Psychological examination and testing would be a mandatory pre-requisite for the receipt of such medications. Oh, and screening by school staff is not sufficient, neither is screening by a social worker. I would require it be conducted by a psychiatrist or psychologist.
• Counseling, again by a psychiatrist or psychologist, would be required before a child could be prescribed. At a minimum I would suggest three 1-hour sessions and preferably six sessions.

There is an obvious downside to the above restrictions that I will readily admit: it will almost certainly prevent some children who truly need the medications from getting them due to a lack of parental resources such as time and money.  Furthermore, I have no doubt some specialists would become “pill mills” for getting prescriptions without going through the necessary steps.

So the recommendations aren’t a perfect solution. However, that doesn’t change the fact that the above recommendations should reduce the amount of over-prescribing (protecting many children) as well as combat any suggestion that we really know the long-term impact of such prescribing on a child’s health.

Please leave your thoughts in the comments below – but be respectful as hot-button issues often bring out the worst in people.

Image Credit: vastateparksstaff via the Creative Commons, inclusion of their photo should not be considered an endorsement of this post or this site’s content.

Life with chronic anxiety is tough.  Always living on that edge can be exhausting so its great when we can reach out and enjoy a moment of disaction or joy.  That includes laughing at ourselves and our condition.

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Is the Peanuts cartoon familiar? Much like attorneys, those of us with chronic anxiety often complicate life to a ridiculous degree and rob ourselves of simple pleasures in the process or make a bad situation worse. It’s a fact of life, but when given the chance it’s okay to enjoy a moment of mirth by laughing at our condition.

God love advocates for people with mental illness, but sometimes their attempts to reduce stigma ignore the hard realities of life. For example, a recent article used the revelations about Jesse Jackson Jr’s bipolar disorder to launch into a generic lecture on mental health stigma that had virtually nothing to do with Mr. Jackson’s specific experience.

So of course, I’ll use their article to launch into a rant about those who so blindly want to protect people with a mental illness that they instead give the impression we are fragile beings who need protecting from a cold, cruel society that doesn’t always understand our plight.  With that said, let’s take a look at two points – one good and one bad – made in the article which you can read here.

Mental Illness vs. Physical Illness

The well-meaning article states, “a classic example of mental health stigma—the idea that mental illnesses are somehow fundamentally different from physical ailments and that they permanently affect a person’s judgment and competence in a negative way …”

Today, it’s in vogue to blame chemical imbalances or perhaps structural anomalies in the brain as the cause of mental illness.  This is a way of trying to equate a mental illness with conditions such as cancer. I have no doubt it is true in some cases. However, the author is wrong in suggesting that mental illness is not fundamentally different. It absolutely is different regardless of the underlying cause.

Ask a person who has struggled for 20 or 30 years with severe depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia if they would gladly trade a limb – a hand, arm, foot – for a lifetime of good mental health. I would.

Mental illness is fundamentally different – perhaps not in having an underlying cause – but in how it impacts our lives. Suggesting otherwise ignores reality.

The Person is the Illness

The article states, “These myths of mental illness result in a wholesale blaming of the diagnosis for virtually everything the patient thinks and does. Relationship problems? It is the depression talking. Difficulty with medication? If it were not for the mental illness, he would willingly take it. The list can go on and on, and it sometimes causes people with mental health conditions to feel like they are defined by their diagnosis alone.”

The author is right about this perception. I’ve experienced this reaction even from persons who are wholeheartedly supportive.  For example, I remember a brief and relatively meaningless period several years ago when things just weren’t clicking in life.  It was just a rough couple weeks like anyone – healthy or not – might experience from time to time; however, I remembered being asked “how are you doing?” and from the tone it seemed clear the person wasn’t asking generically but had my history of depression and anxiety in mind as they assumed it was the cause.

Their intentions were good, but it made me feel that much worse. Today, I know that sometimes I just need a thicker skin.

My point is this – life with a mental illness or prolonged periods of mental illness are fundamentally different from a typical physical ailment. This is true whether it is how society reacts to us or otherwise in how it impacts our thinking, emotions and daily functioning.

So here is a provocative question for those with experience with serious illness: would you trade it for a serious physical condition such as the loss of a limb, cancer, partial paralysis or something else?

Iconic figures, Batman and J.R. Ewing, battled a common foe in theaters and on televisions across the world this summer – depression.  The portrayal of their battles provides a fantastic glimpse into the life of someone faced with severe and prolonged depression.

In Bruce Wayne, we see a tragic hero in The Dark Knight Rises who not only lost the love of his life in Rachel Dawes, but also his reason for living – fighting crime as The Dark Knight – taken away.  That double-whammy combined with the traumas of childhood plunged him into years of depression that left him isolated, stripped of all joys in life, and even more susceptible to the physical wear and tear his bodied suffered in battling Scarecrow, Joker, and the League of Shadows.

Likewise, in the revival of Dallas this summer we saw the unthinkable in early episodes: J.R. Ewing withering away alone, powerless, and not even a shadow of the former hard-driving, take-on-the-world SOB that we came to love and hate in the 80s.  For J.R. it wasn’t the loss of romantic love that drove him into depression but loss of Ewing Oil, South Fork, and the power that came from the fear he instilled in his enemies.

In both cases, loss triggered their descent into depression but it was ultimately the lack of purpose and the loss of hope that kept them captive to it for years.  This despite vast resources that could have helped them get the best of treatments that medicine has to offer.

Nevertheless, both emerged from the shadows of depression and it was because they found renewed purpose in life.  For Batman it was the absolute necessity to save Gotham from the villain Bane and for J.R. it was the hope of rebuilding Ewing Oil with the discovery of vast deposits under South Fork, not to mention the opportunity to “teach” his son the rough and tumble oil business.

There is no silver bullet for dealing with depression but the lesson of their stories is obvious: finding a purpose (or a compelling goal) that speaks to the core of one’s self can be an invaluable key to winning the battle with depression.

Fantastic Artwork Courtesy of:

The Dark Knight Rises by The Fresh Doodle

J.R. Ewing by Sbsiceland

It’s cliche but they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. For many individuals who suffer from chronic anxiety and depression that is proven true year after year. I think a short story from Andy Andrews’ The Noticer will illustrate the point nicely.

The wise and enigmatic Jones sits down with Henry to offer some advice on his latest predicament and begins with a riddle.

Jones: “Five seagulls are sitting on a dock. One of them decides to fly away. How many are left?”

Henry: “Well … four”

Jones: “No. There are still five. Deciding to fly away and actually flying away are two very different things.”

Jones Continues: “Listen carefully to me. Despite popular belief to the contrary, there is absolutely no power in intention. The seagull may intend to fly way, may decide to do so, may talk with the other seagulls about how wonderful it is to fly, but until the seagull flaps his wings and takes to the air, he is still on the dock. There is no difference between that gull and all the others. Likewise, there is no difference in the person who intends to do things differently and the one who never thinks about it in the first place. Have you ever considered how often we judge ourselves by our intentions while we judge others by their actions? Yet intention without action is an insult to those who expect the best from you.”

And this has what to do with anxiety and depression?

How many times have you intended to do any of the following, but never did:

• Find a new therapist who better suits you (or go to one for the first time)
• Get into a regular fitness routine to drop 50 pounds while burning off some of that anxious energy
• Give meditation, yoga, tai chi or other disciplines a chance
• Ask for help and support from family or friends to help you through a rough period

I’m as guilty as anyone. Only recently have I returned to the gym after an 18 month layoff that was due in part to foot injuries. Of course, that was a convenient excuse as I could have continued working out in ways that didn’t stress my injuries. There were other excuses as well, but the fact remains that despite all my intentions to get back into the gym I gained 20lbs over the past year.

If you could pick one unrealized intention – just one – to focus on for six months what would it be?

Post Inspired by: Andy Andrews The Noticer

Photo Credit: Maltesen under Creative Commons

Garfield has his teddy bear and Linus (Peanuts) has his ever-present security blanket. How about you?

Do you have an item that you cherish and keep nearby for those moments when anxiety or depression risk overwhelming you?  Perhaps a special ring, a cross, a photo of a loved one, or maybe a note card with an inspirational quote?

It’s something I thought about for myself and I would love to have something like that to carry with me but nothing has ever struck me as being ‘just right’ or meaningful enough.  A few times I’ve wondered about using my law school class ring, but of course I need to lose 30lbs for it to fit.

Seriously, such an item can be a great way to ground yourself in difficult moments.  For some, it might serve as focal point for meditation or breathing exercises.  For others, the positive emotions attached to the object may be sufficient to help one begin to relax and get back into the moment.

So if you don’t have a teddy bear, security blanket or special keepsake then what’s holding you back?  If you do have a special item that you keep nearby then let us know in the comments.

Of course, one can take it to extremes like this youngster from Mr. Mom.  Enjoy!

We all have anxiety from time to time.  Occasionally it’s just a sense of being wound-up more than usual or perhaps it’s off the charts due to a life effect such as a divorce or job loss.  However, for many it is a chronic condition that stalks us day-by-day and in varying degrees of severity.  To put the prevalence – now there’s a big word – in perspective consider:

• Anxiety disorders are the most common of all psychiatric conditions – not this is disorders, not an occasional anxious period
• Anxiety disorders affect 15.7 million Americans each year and 30 million Americans during their lifetime
• The American Psychiatric Association recognizes at least 11 distinct anxiety disorders

So where does your anxiety rate? Mild, Moderate, or Severe?  Jeffery Brantley, MD offers the following breakdown in his book Calming Your Anxious Mind (adapted):

• Mild – Usually a reaction to a life event that can warn us of reasonable causes for concern or danger
• Moderate – Can lead to cognitive disorganization – not thinking straight – as well as some milder physical manifestations – another big word
• Severe – Interferes with daily life and function, may be chronic and require medication attention. Can lead to not only physical discomfort but also physical illness over an extended period of time

Brantley offers the following criteria for identifying excessive or pathological anxiety (adapted):

1. Anxiety that has little recognizable cause and is present for no good reason
2. Anxiety that a disturbing level of intensity well beyond everyday anxiety
3. Anxiety that lasts longer than everyday anxiety, up to weeks or months
4. Anxiety that has a significant and detrimental impact on day-to-day life. The pain of anxiety may lead to destructive behaviors, such as withdrawal, avoidance, or substance abuse whether it be drugs, alcohol or anxious eating

I think Brantley largely has it right; however, I would take issue with item #1 above. I firmly believe that many with chronic anxiety experience it with a recognizable cause or for good reason. It’s just that their level of anxiety is disproportionate to the cause(s).

So knowing this is all fine and dandy, but what do we do about it? Reading website such as Serenity Hunter as well as other self-help materials is a good first steps. However, it’s only a first step. If you are suffering for an extended period then definitely seek out professional help – which may or may not include medication.

In addition, if your condition is chronic they consider lifestyle change that may improve your ability to cope with breakthrough anxiety: things such as an improved diet, regular exercises, meditation or mindfulness practices such as Tai Chi – or even Karate.

Just don’t sit around waiting for it to go quietly into that good night without making an effort.

Image Credit: Aegina

Statistics and Background: Jeffery Brantley, MD in his book Calming Your Anxious Mind

Have you ever felt worse after a great victory in live? Those of us with chronic depression know that one of its most disheartening traits is the ability to rob us of triumphant moments.  At those times in our life when we should be celebrating victory, depression – and perhaps anxiety – step in to rip away the joy that should fill our heart. It is just as true today as it was more than 100 years ago for President Lincoln.

A Case in Point:

• 1st Election to Congress – At 37 years of age Lincoln won a seat in Congress, an accomplishment he spent years working toward and which would have him working alongside such greats as John Quincy Adams, Henry Clay, and Daniel Webster. Yet, in spite of this great victory he later wrote, “Being elected to Congress though I am very grateful to our friends, for having done it, has not pleased me as much as I expected.”

Why is this?  According to Lincoln historian Joshua Wolf Shenk, “What looks to the world like a triumph, many depressed people see merely as another step on an unending ladder. In extreme cases, a dramatic achievement can create as strong a sense of dislocation and loneliness as would a dramatic setback, and may lead to suicide.” Furthermore, Shenk states, “The paradox, then, is that a strong step forward could in fact serve to powerfully illustrate the inability of accomplishments to satisfy him.”

This is further aggravated by the fact that a depressed person often knows their negative reaction is inappropriate and so they are driven deeper with guilty and hopelessness.

So what can one do? It’s cliche, but one must learn to live in the moment rather than dwell on the past or what lies ahead in the future.  However, it’s not always enough for the person with depression.  For him, the aid of friends and family are often key to helping a person stay centered so they can enjoy their moment in the sun.  They can do this by gentle nudges to enjoy the moment and offering an extra pat on the back rather than a lecture to “cheer up.”

As for myself, I think it of great help to find a memento of the achievement for those darker moments when I need a reminder of past victories.  In fact, some who battle with depression put together scrapbooks or shoeboxes filled with reminders of those things that have brought them joy, whether it be family, friends, achievements or other milestones in one’s life.

Historical Source: Lincoln’s Melancholy by Joshua Wolf Shenk.

Lincoln Portrait (top) Source: Chrono1209 at DeviantArt