Social media is evolving and its obvious that it now has a strong impact on our romantic relationships. Whether it’s in a positive or negative way, the effects of social media has definitively changed the way we experience our romantic relationships. Social media has facilitated the intertwining of our past relationships with our current ones. You are probably wondering what I mean by that. I’m referring to the easy accessibility social media gives us to our EXs. With that being said, being friends with your EX is probably not the smartest thing to do especially if you are in a relationship. But what if you were connected with your EX through social media (ex. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc) especially after moving on into a new relationship, is that wrong too? I personally don’t believe there is anything wrong with staying connected; it all depends on the intentions behind it. This is a topic a lot of us can relate to. I’m here to hopefully shed some light on the situation at hand.

There are a lot of factors that can determine whether or not you should continue being connected with your EX. It’s important to understand if your EX is over you or not. Why? Because when you are connected through social media, your Ex has access to you and your activities of daily living. Ideally, you don’t want your Ex constantly checking up on you and knowing your every move if you are active on social media. The presence of your Ex on your social media will make you and your new partner very uncomfortable; it can have a negative effect on your new relationship. Another important factor is the break-up itself. If the break up with your Ex was so bad to the point where you don’t want to see that person again, then it can justify the reason to unfriend your EX. On the contrary, if the break up was a mutual agreement, should you be enemies with your EX? What happened to the magic word TRUST? I was good friends with my EX before, so I figure the least I can do is be cordial now. I place being connected with my EX through social media in the cordial category.

When discussing this issue with your partner, just remember the factors that will play a huge role in this topic. Again, figuring out the intentions behind the friendship is vital. This can be hard to determine at times, but in most cases you can determine that through a simple conversation with your partner. Try asking questions like, why did you guys break up? I believe the reasons of the break up can reveal whether or not the motives are “acceptable” or not. Another good question can be, are you over your EX? Now the answer to that question will provide a lot of vital information to your benefit. Another factor could be gender. I hate to bring gender to the forefront, but I really have to. As a man, I believe most men don’t care whether or not they are still connected with their EXs. I believe most women do not trust their partners even if there was no negative intention to stay connected with their EX. Women are likely to distrust their man’s EXs.

As I previously stated, I personally don’t believe anything is wrong with being connected with your EX through social media. A quote I found through my own research, “Don’t let your virtual friendships get in the way of your real-life relationships”. The internet is so enticing. The world is open to you and you can be whoever you want on sites like Facebook. Nonetheless, I also believe in making your current partner very secure in the relationship and that includes establishing trust. With that being said, communication is key and this is a topic that both parties should discuss.

What are your thoughts?

Marckens P.

Have you ever heard of the phrase “Whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine?”
This type of thinking is the stem of many financial problems in relationships. Many people in relationships adapt the idea “I work hard for my money so I do with it as I please.” However, not telling your partner what you do with your money is what I refer to as Financial Infidelity.

We are seriously living in a time when both men and women in relationships are usually hard working individuals. These days, both men and women aim to be financially independent. While dating, couples talk about everything! Couples are comfortable to talk about future plans, goals, where to live, children but when it comes to money, comfort level drops. Nowadays, couples share everything except their money and what they do with it.

Couples usually have an idea about each other’s financial situation and based on that they divide bills around the house. It is not uncommon to see couples decide who pays the light bill, mortgage or rent, groceries and any other bill/ living expense, without ever really knowing each other’s salary. This is when women conveniently decide to support “machismo.” We suddenly support the idea of masculine pride and along with it, the idea that men should take care of the financial needs of the household. We want men to use THEIR money to pay for most bills, since he is “the man of the house.”  And we, women,  want to use our own money to do whatever we want with it.This may even be unfair when many women earn more money then men.
In an ideal situation partners in a relationship should have a joined bank account.  There should be an awareness of each other’s salary and of where the money is going. People, don’t be oblivious to the fact that money is an important part of every relationship. When appropriate, don’t be afraid to talk about money, especially when considering marriage.

A wise man once told me that relationships are dependent on 4 C’s: Communication, Commitment, Compromise and Currency. All are equally important to the success of a relationship.

Be blessed, Spread Love,

Kim

Now that the definition of perfect is established, allow me to reiterate that a perfect relationship does not exist. “Tell me something I don’t know,” you may say to yourself. Well actually, this alone is an important fact to have a clear understanding of. Many women wait all their lives in search for the perfect man. Maybe its society, the media, or our own parents who teach us not to settle for anything less than the best. We confuse settling with not accepting anything other than the perfect. This idea is a setup for multiple failures:

1. It doesn’t allow us to give anyone a chance. The truth is that the higher we raise our standards the fewer the options we have.

2. It drives us to want to change the person we are with. When we do engage in a relationship with a person who has characteristics we don’t like, we feel the need to change them, which can be unsuccessful, unhealthy and insulting. Women have the tendency of looking at the “potential” of a man instead of taking them as they are.

3. It creates false expectations. Once in a relationship many women have the false expectation that they won’t have to deal with problems. So when problems do arise in the relationship, we tend to want to run away, not realizing that the next guy will be as imperfect as the next.

For those of us waiting to meet the perfect person (a man with no flaws, mishaps, shortcomings or failures) prepare to be disillusioned, disappointed, and deceived. Sounds harsh, but even the truth hurts.

Rather than describing a “perfect relationship” based solely on opinion, I want to prepare your mentality for expectations of a lasting relationship. The real subject of matter is how to engage in a long lasting relationship with the person you love.

First and foremost, you must understand that you WILL get hurt. So hope for the best but prepare of the worst. The goal of a relationship should not be to avoid being hurt, but for the relationship to be worth the struggle. People make mistakes that will hurt your feelings. C’est la vie. It happens even in the best relationships with family, best friends, and lovers.

This post is not pessimistic or idealistic, it is realistic. Give someone a chance, accept them for who they are and remove all false expectations. True love is acceptance of someone for who they are, flaws and all. Perfection is nonexistent in a relationship, so be prepared to deal with challenges and frustrations. Lasting relationships require dealing with another’s foolishness sometimes. As long as the good outweighs the bad, keep on pressing towards your goal.

Be blessed, spread love.

Kim

Go On Dates
Forget lazing about in front of the TV with a ready meal; arrange a special date somewhere, even if it’s to your local curry house or to the cinema. Make it special by dressing up for the occasion – you could even arrange to meet at the venue and get ready at a friend’s house to make it feel like old times!

Maintain Your Friendships
Even though it’s important to spend time together, it’s also important to keep your friendships alive. It’s easy to resent your other half if you spend lots of time with them and many of your friendships crumble away.

Learn How to Listen and Argue Well
Don’t let your partner’s nagging become background noise: listen to them and discover what the root of their problem actually is. On the flip side of this, if you’re one to nag your other half, think about it from their point of view and come to a compromise that can help you both. Every relationship has arguments but it doesn’t mean that you have to let them evolve into blazing rows over insignificant matters. Learn how to taper your anger into a constructive discussion and your relationship will benefit from the positivity.

Make love as often as you can
For some couples, leading a busy life can mean that at the end of the day you don’t have the energy to be intimate with your other half. However, don’t let that be the case! Whilst it may seem regimental planning your sex life, setting aside some time alone can make it easier to get into the mood. Introducing new things into the bedroom such as naughty costumes, vibrators or massage oils can really help solidify your relationship.

Look After Your Body
Working out, or simply eating healthier can make you more attractive to your other half, but simply keeping clean and well-groomed can help keep your relationship fresh. Your other half will have seen you at your best and worst so it’s easy to fall into a routine of not looking your best all the time. Take some time to go to a beautician or simply get your hair cut, to rejuvenate your relationship.

About the Guest Author: Lousie

Louise Jenkins is a blogger and reviewer who writes for Little Hussy. Covering relationships, health and lifestyle, she has over 9 years’ experience in online journalism. We at SM is thankful for her contribution and wish her the best of luck in her future endeavors. For more information on keeping relationships fresh of her writing visit http://www.littlehussy.com

When someone you love hurts you, it is challenging to know how to manage and cope with the hurt. Do you forgive or do you forget the person? Many of us have been faced with this situation and have ended up in a place of confusion and fear. If you forgive, you chose to erase the mistake and hope that things will get better. When you forgive you run a risk of staying in a situation where things will stay the same or become worse. If you forget the person, you erase that person from your life completely, throwing away the good with the bad. Leaving the person also runs a risk of loosing something good. So how do you decide what is best?

My girl friend told me a horrendous story about catching her boyfriend living a double life. As I listened to her story my stomach turned as I internalized her pain. Even after living a lie, suffering the heartbreak, and being deceived for over a year, my girl friend reconciled her relationship with her boyfriend. How could she possibly go back to a person who had done her so wrong? ”He apologized everyday for months. He cried until he ran out of tears, he’s begged and pleaded with me to stay with him and to forgive him,” she explained.

Is she stupid for taking him back? Or is she a virtuous person for being able to forgive? Questions I’m sure we have all asked ourselves once before.Before considering forgiveness, one must make sure the apology is genuine. A genuine apology consist of sincerity, remorse and change. A genuine apology has no excuses. The person apologizing should state the wrong done without using the word “but” or any other justification for the wrong. To prove the sincerity of the apology a person should offer to make a change to make things better.Once the above is in effect, one can then consider what to do next: To forgive or to forget? The most important part of this is to understand that you have a CHOICE. You can CHOSE to LEAVE or to TRUST AGAIN.

TO FORGIVE:
The choice to forgive involves a daily choice to trust. It also involves other behaviors like conquering your mind and not allowing the wrong to haunt you.  The choice to forgive also means that you chose not to hold it over his head as well. You chose to not let the wrong ruin your future.The bible states that “Love  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1Cor 13:7   Take that with a grain of salt.

TO FORGET:
There are unacceptable behaviors in a relationship that can justify a termination. Only you can decide what is unacceptable in a relationship and what is worth your forgiveness. Everyone should have an understanding of things that are intolerable such as: physical, verbal, emotional abuse and adultery. The list can go on and be tailored to your liking.

How do you determine the treatment you accept from a relationship?  ”We accept the love we think we deserve.” Stephen Chbosky. So keep your standards high and your heart open!

Be blessed, spread love,

Kim

Robert Greene, in The Art of Seduction (2003), states that seduction is the most subtle, elusive, and effective form of power to get what you want by manipulating one’s greatest weakness: the desire for pleasure. Since the beginning of time women have been seducing men. The art was learned as a result of women being weaker under the control of men. Women had no other choice than to use seduction as their only source of power. Women began to understand that if they were dependent on men through force, then they could have men become dependent on them through pleasure.

Whether it was Jezebel, Delilah or Eve, even biblical history has shown us how lust for women led men to commit all sorts of atrocities. Way too many times I hear men confess that they don’t know why or how they succumbed to such a woman’s seduction, especially from a platonic friend. Women have the power to passive-aggressively seduce men through a platonic friendship. This is why women don’t like when their male partners spend too much time around or on the phone with other women. This is especially true if the female partner has a hunch that another woman has an attraction for their man.

How can a platonic friendship go wrong?

Men are led to believe they can let down their guard around the girl in the platonic friendship which creates an open door for trouble. The seduction is subtle but efficient. It starts off by the girl captivating all of the things he likes. Conversations are awesome because this girl is interested in everything your man is interested in: cars, football, politics, wings and beer (just to name a few). Usually this causes the platonic female friend to be perceived to have a “cool personality,” not to mention she is not sensitive or emotional, and laughs at all his jokes. Next thing you know, they hang out frequently, she is part of his crew, they party, crash at each others place, and I’ll let you imagine the rest…

This is not about having insecurities or jealousy with a man’s relationship with other women . This is about shedding light on the reason why some women may not feel comfortable with the relationship their men have with other women. Women’s art of seduction and men’s lust for women can be a dangerous combination.  My advise is to always set boundaries even in the most non- threatening female-male relationships. We shouldn’t be oblivious to the possibilities.  “Good fences make good neighbors.”

Be blessed, spread love,

Kim

There’s no easy way to tell your partner you want to go on a vacation without her and on top of that, with your male friends. Sure enough, I put it to the test and she wasn’t too happy when I broke it down to her. My girlfriend told me that going on vacation with my male friends can jeopardize our relationship. She said as long as I’m in a relationship with her, there shouldn’t be any “pleasure” vacations taken without her (whatever that means). She then proceeded to ask “why do I need to take a vacation without her”, and I replied “seriously, so I can do fun things that I know would get me in trouble if you were there”. Ok maybe that wasn’t the right answer and maybe she has a valid point why I shouldn’t be taking trips to Cancun on spring break with my boys especially after that answer. Maybe I should of thought of a good reason for doing so and I quickly realized I didn’t quite give her that comfort she was apparently looking for. But what happen to trusting each other no matter what? It’s situations like this that have me really believing that trust is just a fancy way of saying I only trust you when you’re around me. I feel as though my relationship is a particularly strong one, so the trust should be there. I wouldn’t be asking this if I didn’t already feel completely confident in the strength and trust between us.

I do understand that there are risks that can be avoidable and many women believe taking vacations with your male counterparts is one of them. One woman told me that she is a strong believer in this rule because it allows the chance of screwing up. She also told me that she trusts her boyfriend 100% but she just doesn’t trust his surroundings; meaning his friends, strangers, and the atmosphere he will be around. In a nutshell, she was trying to say if the trust is there in a relationship, there is no guarantee that it will continue to stay that way. So it is important to protect it. She understands that he is human, meaning he is far from perfect, leaving room for mistakes to happen. I guess it’s true what they say, you can never trust enough, nor can you take it for granted. You have to constantly build on it.

I guess my girlfriend’s goal is to assist by minimizing those risky behaviors in order to give me the best chances of not doing anything stupid that will affect the longevity of our relationship. So I began to think if she feels that way, should I feel the same? I really doubt I would have the same concerns if she took a vacation with her girlfriends. If anything, I would probably be excited if she took a vacation without me. To me it’s a vacation for me as well; peace of mind, peace and quiet. I believe we all need an occasional break from our bf/gf at least twice a year. I believe that time apart can strengthen a relationship, whether it needs it or not. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Meanwhile I’m still deciding whether or not I should put her threat to the test. It would be sort of embarrassing to tell my friends I can’t go because my girlfriend said so. Besides, I understand how important my relationship is and I’m sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid to jeopardize it if I decide to go. I’ve made a decision! I think in this case I will go and hopefully her trust for me is strong enough for her not to worry. I’m sure she’ll be ok in the long run and this should only strengthen our relationship. If not, I should strongly consider this relationship….

Marckens P.

I have come to realize that most people are not really happy in their relationships. There is an all important step towards happiness in your relationship and that step is what I call; self appreciation. The world we are living currently is filled with stressful activities and uncertainty of the economy! Remember that there is a strong link between financial security, healthy economy, stress, job challenge and relationship approach.

It is a pity that the world we live gives most people very few opportunities to sincerely relate or connect with their lovers and this single factor is Seriously causing arguments and complains from the victim in the relationship. One thing I have come to discover recently is the rising rate of people complaining that their partner doesn’t appreciate their beauty. Well, women are those suffering more as a result of this ugly development. Many ladies have told me that their male partners don’t really tell them how good they are looking often. It is also important to point out that some men are also experiencing this in their relationships at least, I did.

Now, when you are down emotionally, it means you will not be happy even physically and you know what that means to your relationship-frustration, endless arguments, complains, fighting and even cheating! When you look at most of these people who complain about not receiving the deserve appreciation of their physical look from their partners, you will discover that they are always nagging. It is because they are frustrated and their relationships suffer for it.

I was once a victim of this and I read an article about appreciating myself and today, I’m really a happy person. My relationship is going fine and my partner doesn’t receive that mountain loads of complains and nagging. What is self appreciation?

To appreciate yourself means to adore your personality, to see the good qualities you have, to tell yourself that you’re looking beautiful, to believe in yourself, to discover yourself etc. You know how good we feel each time our partner looks at us and say: “you are looking good, beautiful, and exceptional”?  It makes us happy, but if your partner doesn’t say it always and you desire it often, you can feel dejected!

I urge you to start seeing the beautiful aspect of yourself. Remember that you cannot love your partner and express love fully to him/her if you haven’t loved yourself first. You must always look into the mirror and appreciate whatever you see there. You should be feeling good about yourself. Don’t rely so much on your partner to tell you how beautiful you are, say that to yourself too. Remember, once you are happy with yourself, you can easily be happy with others including your partner.

About the Guest Author: Kingsley

Kingsley is the owner of http://www.relationshipsurgery.com and the site consists of many articles written about true love. He a writer and a public communicator. He believe his ideas can add romance to your relationship because of his strong belief on how lovers should not be void of romance. He writes very interesting romantic love poems, love text messages and proffer relationship advice to people like you. Seriously-Maybe is thankful to have Kingsley as a guest author and we wish him continued success on his future endeavors. Don’t forget to check out his website: http://www.relationshipsurgery.com

What holds more weight in a relationship, MONEY or LOVE?

Please read this story and tell me what you think…

My friend is a beautiful young woman with a bright future. She is intelligent, ambitious, and works as a power plant engineer. She has many good things going for her. However, she has some struggle when it comes to finding “The One”. She found herself in a dilemma about money verses love.

During college, my friend dated a young man for a few years. He was sweet, kind, and caring. Her family loved him! He was always there for her when ever she needed him. He accompanied her to church, vacations, and even to family gatherings. Everyone loved him and there was no doubt in her mind that he was in love with her. All she had to do was say the word and they were married! This guy did nothing wrong. He didn’t cheat, never gave her any doubts, she knew all his friends, and all his whereabouts at all times. She knew that she had his heart and that she was everything he ever admired in a woman! To him, she was flawless.

Sadly, she found herself falling out of love with him. This guy didn’t awe her. He was a simple guy, drove a simple car, lived at home with his parents, and didn’t have a degree or motivation to pursue one.  Although she knew that she had all his love, she felt it wasn’t enough. So, my friend terminated the relationship. She broke his heart in hopes to find a candidate that would tickle her fancy- A man that she can truly admire!

My friend got lucky enough to find a guy that had everything on her list. This guy was ambitious, had a law degree, had a stable job with a nice income, took her out to fancy places, had interesting conversations, drove a luxury car, and did I mention he was handsome! She seriously felt as though she hit the jackpot! He had all the qualities she wanted in a man. She found herself in cloud nine day! Until….she started to land her feet back onto the ground. Although it was like a dream come true, my friend still found herself blue. There was one thing missing….she didn’t feel loved.

This guy was so into himself that he failed to acknowledge the greatness in her. He was so into his own ambitions that he never recognized her accomplishments and goals. He was always busy and had “better” things to do then to spend time with her and accompany her to things she likes to do like church, family gatherings, and philanthropic events.

With her first guy, she was the apple of his eye. But for new guy, she felt that she was in second place.
My question to you is: what do you think is more important in a relationship?:The way a person makes you feel or the assets a person can bring into a relationship?

Maya Angelo quotes:“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Ladies, these are some of the pro’s and con’s of going with a man for “Love” verses “Money.”
Which will you chose? And be careful what you wish for ‘cuz you just might get it. Sometimes what we wish for is not exactly what is best for us, so choose wisely.

Be blessed, spread love

Kim

The question is, when is pride a good or bad thing in a relationship?

I believe that pride is an asset especially in the beginning of a relationship. Your pride helps to hold up your high standards. Pride won’t let you be second place to anyone and therefore  reflects your self worth. This type of pride, demonstrated by love for self, is healthy in the beginning of a relationship.

Pride should be the reason you don’t give too much of yourself too early in the relationship. Example: Don’t call or text, let him contact you! Don’t offer to go to his place, let him come to you.  Don’t buy him expensive gifts, let him lavish you.  The key is to let him express how much he likes you before you reciprocate.

Ladies, even if you are head over heals for a guy, don’t show it! Let your pride hold you back from making yourself vulnerable. Allow the guy to chase you enough before you give in.

The disadvantages of lacking Pride and thus giving too much of yourself to early are as follows:

*Men will most likely take advantage of a woman who gives too much too soon and not appreciate her.

*A man is more likely to get tired of women who gives too much.

*Giving too much too soon will NOT advance the relationship compared  to a woman who is more reserved.

Now ladies, onto the flip side. If you thought holding on to your pride was hard, letting go of your pride is even harder! Once you are in a long term, loving relationship, knowing when to let go of pride is the tricky part. You must be confident in yourself and in your partner. Letting go of pride requires a mature person. Letting go of pride should be done by a woman who knows where she stands in the relationship and has a mutual emotional dependency with her partner.  Love and respect must be unquestionable and in full effect.

Bottom line: Once love is born, pride dies. For those who study love understand that pride is the opposite of love. If you really love someone you will do things that pride once prevented you to do. Consider the deeper things in life you do for love like: forgiveness, affection, acts of service and kindness, give gifts,  and use words of endearment.

A Jazz icon that I admire, Sade, states, “Love is stronger than pride.”

My advise is: Let pride go and let love grow!

Be blessed, spread love,
Kim