May I tell you a personal story?

I have a master’s degree in documentary video. When I was in school, I was PAINFULLY shy. I was the type of student who would agonize for 10 minutes trying to decide how to talk to the student sitting next to me even though we’d been in class together all quarter.

It was 2004, and I was fascinated with the concept of video on the internet. I was dating someone at that point who was the epitome of social extrovert and he made friends with someone on a plane who was doing a video blog. It’s hard to imagine, but in 2004 putting any kind of video on the internet was somewhat revolutionary, so he told me I needed to meet this woman! She was one of the very first video bloggers, and her video blog was just like you would imagine. It was her talking to the camera sharing things about her life and her opinions.

Here’s a still of what it was like. (I know, by now you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this… I promise it’s going somewhere!)

My first thought was, “Wow – I would never do something like that.”

But my super outgoing boyfriend said, “Hey, it will be so good for your thesis to be involved in this revolutionary community! What about you do the technical part and I’ll be on camera and we’ll do a video blog together.”

So that’s what we did… for a few months… until we started to become close with the other video bloggers in the community. Eventually I started thinking I wished I could be more present in the videos and slowly started making small appearances on camera.

The more present I was in the community the less self conscious I was and the more I realized that I was a part of the story too.

This is what I want for all of you.

As moms, we tend to stay behind the camera. We take a lot of photos of our babies, though. It’s ok to brag about them, but we don’t want the attention to be on us…Maybe we think that it’s selfish to be in the spotlight like that. We don’t want to be seen as needy.

What we aren’t realizing is how selfish it is to pull ourselves out of the story! Our family, and especially our kids, want us to be present. We are such an important part of their everyday life! It’s confusing when we are missing from the photos.

By learning to take good photos, having fun, and building community with others who share the same passion you can make the same transition that I made in grad school.

You will understand that you belong in the story.

Now that I’m a mom, I know that because I’m also a photographer I rarely end up in pictures.

I have gotten in the habit of handing the phone to my husband and saying “I want one too!” when I take photos of him and my son together…

But sometimes you need more than that. Sometimes the story is about all of you together in one moment.

We adopted our son in November, 2014.

We had waited 3 years to meet him, and we only had 2.5 weeks to plan for the actual day. This little guy would be born into the world and spend his first 48 hours with his birth mother, and then we would drive to Springfield and meet him for the first time before welcoming him into our home.

This was big. This was the kind of thing we needed to remember. This was one of those pivotal moments that will define the rest of his life.

Even though I’m a professional photographer, and I know I could get some great photos, I hired another professional to come out with us because I wanted these images for our family. I wanted our son to see us meeting him where he was for the first time, and not distracted trying to document it at the same time.

This was not a situation to rely on selfies, or to hand the cell phone to a caseworker who has no training. This was important.

You can’t do it all yourself.

I’m not saying this because I don’t think you are capable of taking a good picture – I know you are.

I’m saying this because You need to be present in your pictures!

I ran a google search for things to thank moms for, and at the top of the list was the old “She gave birth to you.” and “She gave you her eye color.” 

Maybe?

I didn’t do those things for my son. Because, as many of you know, we adopted him. We put in different struggles and crafted different connections – non-biological ones. Despite sharing zero genetic material, there are so many times when I think “he got that from me” or from his dad. (Ironically, he actually does have our eye color!) And he clearly sees us as his parents. He is definitely our son. 

It got me thinking…

Moms, when did you feel like you were a mom? Like – truly – it’s a given, this child is yours and you are theirs, and there’s no question about it.

Because I had this feeling recently. There was no good reason for it, I think it’s just that he’s gotten old enough now that he can express himself clearly and part of that expression reflects back to me that he knows I’m his mom.

I put the question out to my community.

One mom said, “Sometimes it still hits me that I’m a mom and that other people see me as a mom, including my daughter. Mothers day makes me angry because of my own relationship with my mom, or lack thereof. I’m not traditional. I think while other people know I’m a mom they give me the side eye a lot.”

And there it is – the judgement. Why do we care so much whether other people see us as a mom? I’m not trying to make light of this fear – I know I struggle with similar issues.

Another mom said, “My daughter was 4 when I started fostering her. Everyone kept saying ‘Happy Mother’s Day ‘. I felt like such an imposter. I still catch myself thinking ‘I have a 6 year old who calls me mom, how crazy is that?’ “

Yet another chimed in, “I think the first time I felt like an official mom was the first parent/teacher conference I attended in kindergarten. I always felt like an imposter pretending to be a mom because I was just guessing. I had no idea if I was doing it right. However, parent/teacher conferences meant I was responsible for a human who was out in the world.”

Out in the world…is that what it takes to be legit? 

What it comes down to is that there’s a lot of second guessing – from us and from those around us. Many people judge, and many feel judged. Why do we feel the need to tear ourselves – and each other – down, instead of lifting up? Is it because each journey is so incredibly personal?

One of the most poignant comments was this: “I’ve had other women tell me I did not ever give birth because I had two c sections. There’s just so much gatekeeping and judgement into the quality of our motherhood and birth experience.”

So I ask again…when did you feel like you were a mom? Like – truly – it’s a given, this child is yours and you are theirs, and there’s no question about it.

Or have you gotten there? Does it feel like a joke, or like you’re an imposter? Does it feel like it’s been clear since the moment you laid eyes on each other? Or was it clear long before?

Also check out this list of amazing moms from the history books

Holiday Mini Family Playdate

Schedule Your Session Online

Holiday Card Mini Session includes:

At Local Mom-Owned Business: Lee Farms
$250 per family

Schedule your mini session now…
Before it’s too late!

Make a day of it!

Support the farm, and congratulate yourself on your efficiency when you pick up your tree after your mini session is over.

Grab yourself some apple cider donuts and a warm drink, and set the kids loose in Lee Farms’ amazing play space complete with a play structure, a giant sand box, and another gravel box, and plenty of toys.

Schedule Your Session Online

Pumpkin Patch Mini Session includes:

At Local Organic Farm: Bella Organic Pumpkin Patch & Winery
$160 per family

Schedule Now LInk HERE
Before it’s too late!

Make a day of it!

Support the farm, and congratulate yourself on your efficiency when you pick up your pumpkin after your mini session is over.

Grab yourself some snacks and a warm drink, and set the kids loose in Petting Zoo!

“So”, you might be thinking, “What’s the point of watching the eclipse myself?”

There are people who travel from eclipse zone to eclipse zone just to capture these images. Professionals, who know how to bracket their exposure and have telephoto lenses. These images will be breathtakingly gorgeous, there’s no doubt about that.

Photo courtesy of: National Geographic

And if you want to take some of your own, there are thousands of resources out there with tips on how to make it happen, including the National Geographic Article, “How to Photograph a Solar Eclipse“, linked above. Here’s a great one I read by CNET about photographing the eclipse with your smart phone.

But the most interesting images will be the ones that include the context.

As a lifestyle photographer, I know that everything is about characters, relationship and context. Those are the elements you need to tell a story. And this is no different.

The most interesting eclipse images will show what people are doing before, during, and after the eclipse. They’ll show emotions. They’ll show crowds, and they’ll show wide open land. They’ll show animals, trees, and oceans. They’ll show cities and skylines. They’ll show homes and back yards.

The most interesting images of the eclipse will be the ones you take from your own unique perspective. The journalistic photographs – the ones that show how this impacts your individual life – will be the ones worth sharing.

So relax, be safe, and enjoy this experience. Ensure that everyone wears approved eclipse glasses if they are going to look directly at the sun. Change your angle and change what you include in your frame. See how much variety you can capture. Open your senses to the bigger story. That is the story you will be able to look back on and share.

Here’s a video about staying safe during the eclipse:

And here’s a short video that gives an overview of the event path:

Me: “How do you play the game, Emmett? What do you have to do?”
Emmett: “First you KICK a ball.”
Me: “Ok, so you already did that and now you have the game. How do you play the game?”
Emmett: “FIRST you have to kick the ball.”

I  watching him learn, and I can’t believe how quickly he can gain skills when he chooses to focus on them!