The times are from 6:30p – 8:30p, you can stop by at anytime and leave when you like. We want this to be an informal time for you to ask questions about Serve Our Youth Network. This is also a great opportunity for you to see a juvenile detention center (if you never have) and learn more about the juvenile justice system.

When you come on campus, you’ll want to park behind the first building (youth shelter) and come into the second (the juvenile detention center).

If you’d like to RSVP (not necessary, but it does help us plan for snacks) you can do so via Facebook or by emailing Shane Vander Hart using the form below or by calling him at (515) 321-5077.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Josh McDowell in his book Why True Love Waits describes the danger of the safe sex message of our culture:

The ‘safe sex’ message of our culture encourages a false sense of security in our young people. They rationalize, ‘I want to have sex, but I don’t want to get pregnant or catch a disease. So I will do what my health class teacher recommends. I will practice safe sex by using a condom.’

The only problem is this: Safe sex isn’t safe. At best, safe sex is only ‘safer sex.’ And yet condoms are often recommended in schools, even distributed in some. Physicians warn their patients, ‘If you’re going to have premarital sex, at least protect yourself with a condom.’ Even agencies such as the Public Health Service state: ‘Although refraining from intercourse with infected persons remains the most effective strategy for preventing human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infections and other sexually transmitted disease (STDs), the Public Health Service also has recommended condom use as part of its strategy.’

These warnings make about as much sense to me as any of the following warnings:

• Russian roulette is potentially fatal, so you should never play it. But if you just have to play, we recommend that you only put one bullet in the cylinder.
• Driving the wrong way on a busy freeway can get you killed, so it’s best to stay on the right side of the road. But if you just have to try it, we recommend that you flash your lights and sound your horn.
• Jumping off a fifty-story building can be hazardous to your health, so don’t do it. But when you just can’t fight off the urge, we recommend that you at least flap your arms on the way down to slow your fall.

These warnings are meant to be totally ridiculous, of course, to illustrate the point. When condom use is peddled among our youth under the heading of safe sex, they tend to believe condoms can keep them totally safe from pregnancy and disease. The recommendation of condoms comes across to many of them as approval of premarital sex and safety from harm. As we shall see, leaving out one little ‘r’ – the difference between safe sex and safer sex – can spell disaster for some our kids.’

People say that it is unrealistic to preach abstinence to the teens of today; I say it’s unrealistic and deadly not to and leave them to the alternative which can only lead to a disastrous “but” in their own lives.

HT: The Abstinence Clearinghouse Blog

HT: Fair Sentencing for Youth via Fuller Youth Institute

What say you? Is it right to sentence a juvenile to life without the possibility of parole?

Interesing article at the Fuller Youth Institute by Dustin Perkins

I had just finished speaking at a mountainside retreat when I got the call, and since my cell phone had no reception, my student’s tearful message went straight to voice mail: “I’m sorry Dustin, but I think I have to leave the country.  Thanks for all you have done for me.  Bye.”  When I returned home, I frantically dialed my student’s number over and over again, hoping to find out where he was and what was going on.  Once we connected, I found out that he was still at home — not leaving the country — and then the real news.  His father had been physically abusive.  His father had screamed, thrown full canned-goods at his wife and child, and brandished a large kitchen knife to show the seriousness of his verbal invitation to a bloody fight.  I wanted to help, but what could I do?

Youth ministry is so much more than just getting kids to show up to programs and events.  Youth pastors ultimately become family pastors, because reaching into students’ lives entails reaching into the place they spend a great deal of their time: with their families.  Our engagement with students’ family systems will inevitably lead us to witness both “the good” and “the bad” of their home lives, and sometimes even “the ugly” of family dynamics: abuse.  These situations call for skills and knowledge beyond the training of most youth pastors, but how we deal with abuse is incredibly important.  This article will attempt to uncover the cyclical nature of abuse, how that cycle distorts abused persons’ view of God, how pastors get caught up in the cycle, and make some suggestions about how youth workers can protect abused students without getting caught in the cycle themselves. (read the rest)

We highly encourage pastors, youth pastors, and SOY volunteers to read this article.

Let’s face it. Compassion is sexy today.

It’s talked about in every arena from politics to religion.

Many churches have been making headway the last couple of years into areas of compassion and mercy ministries acknowledging the body of Christ has failed in these areas severely in recent decades. More and more churches are now getting enlisted in social justice, mercy ministries, recovery programs, and outreach to the poor.

I’m glad to see this movement, though I regret it didn’t begin earlier. Now that it’s fashionable, it seems to have made it more attractive for Christians, especially with the younger generation of evangelicals.

I’ve always believed that Christianity without compassion is no Christianity at all.

Compassion is what moved Jesus throughout the gospels. (read the rest)

Let’s keep compassion from becoming just a trendy thing to do.  Find out how you can exercise compassion toward high-risk kids right here at home.

• Mentors help young people set career goals and start taking steps to realize them.
• Mentors can use their personal contacts to help young people meet industry professionals, find internships and locate job possibilities.
• Mentors introduce young people to professional resources and organizations they may not know about.
• Mentors can help their mentees learn how to seek and keep jobs.

Remember what it was like looking for your first part-time job?  How’d you go about creating your career goals?  What helped you when being interviewed for a job?  Who do you know that could be a resource for a youth looking at different career fields?

What guidance can you give, as a mentor, to give support in preparing a youth for the workplace?

From “Literacy in Corrections” by Kenneth Mentor, JD, PhD and Molly Wilkenson, PhD

…Research consistently demonstrates that quality education is one of the most effective forms of crime prevention. Educational skills help deter people from committing criminal acts. As a result, educational programs decrease the likelihood that people will return to crime, and prison. In the United States, a “get tough on crime” mentality has resulted in a push to incarcerate, punish, and limit the activities of prisoners. Over the last 10 years political pressure has led to the elimination of funding for many corrections education programs. Many programs that have been demonstrated as extraordinarily effective have been completely eliminated…

…A related concern is that prisoners have a higher proportion of learning disabilities than the general population. Estimates of learning disability are as high as 75-90% for juvenile offenders. Low literacy levels and high rates of learning disabilities have contributed to high dropout rates. Nationwide, over 70% of all people entering state correctional facilities have not completed high school, with 46% having had some high school education and 16.4% having had no high school education at all. Since there is a strong link between low levels of education and high rates of criminal activity, it is logical to assume that high dropout rates will lead to higher crime rates. (emphasis added)

HT: Max Elliot Anderson

Could you possibly serve the kids at Polk County Youth Services in this way?

• Mentors help improve a young person’s self-esteem.
• Mentors provide support for students trying new behaviors.
• Youth who meet regularly with their mentors are 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to start drinking (Public/Private Ventures study of Big Brothers Big Sisters).
• About 40% of teenager’s waking hours are spent without companionship or supervision. Mentors provide teens with a valuable place to spend free time.
• Mentors teach young people how to relate well to all kinds of people and help young people strengthen their communication skills.

What were challenges you faced when you were a kid?  What temptations did you face?  How did you overcome them?  What activities are you already doing that you can include a kid in?

You bring more than you realize into a mentoring relationship.

By Ann Adalist-Estrin

Having a parent in prison or jail poses different challenges for the child at each stage of development.

Infancy: the first year of life

It may seem that a baby less than one year old would not react to the incarceration of a parent, but this is an important stage of development. Infants are learning to connect or attach to their caregivers. They are learning to trust that adults are there to meet their needs.

In this attachment stage, infants may sense the absence of the incarcerated parent. They may even miss a parent that was inconsistently available to the child prior to incarceration. If a primary caregiver parent “disappears” to go to prison, it will seriously interfere with the development of trust. Attachments can develop between infants and their new caregivers. But the trust and basic attachment tasks of this stage are threatened by multiple placement, and by any further disruptions in care giving relationships.

Toddlers: 1 and 2 year olds

Toddlers want to see if their attachments to the important adults in their world will hold up to their new needs. They need to run away and they need to say “NO.” Practicing these new verbal and motor skills will make the adults react in ways that feel controlling to the toddler. Toddlers want to be independent, not controlled—but they also want to feel safe. The tug between the desire for independence and the need to be attached and dependent makes this a particularly difficult age for children who are separated from a parent.

The toddler expresses these feelings and conflicts through behaviors that are annoying at best and rage provoking at worst. The tantrums and negativity that characterize this stage of development can really challenge any caregiver.

Caregivers of children of prisoners pour emotional and physical resources into managing life in the criminal justice system and have little left for coping with a toddler’s extreme upsets.

Pre-Schoolers: 3-5 years

This is often called the age of opposition, power and control battles and magical thinking. At this stage of development, children need to prove to themselves that they are separate and unique, that they are themselves and not their caregivers.

“If I cooperate with you, I become you. And since I am me, not you, I will not cooperate and if you make me, I will hate you and wish you away.” This is not really a thought but more a gut instinct in most 4 to 6 year-olds.

The new demands made by the adult world for self-control may lead children at this age to apply magical thinking and fantasy to the circumstances of their parent’s incarceration. Pre-schoolers believe they are responsible in ways that are both illogical and unreasonable. They may believe that they wished the parent away when they were mad at them.

They may regress in behavior, experiencing bed-wetting, sleeplessness, and eating disruptions. They may also develop fears, nightmares, and a return to the aggressive tantrums of toddlerhood.

Pre-school children need to know that they have some influence on adults to get their needs met. Maintaining a connection to the incarcerated parent may be most critical at this stage of development to avoid feelings of guilt, loss of control, powerlessness, and loyalty conflicts that could have lasting consequences.

Early School-age: 5-8 years

The grade school child is beginning to replace parents as the center of their universe. These children will experience sadness at the separation, but have moved out into the world, are learning new skills, and are focused on their peer group. At this stage of development, children do understand the concept of “crime and punishment.” As one first grader put it, ”My Mommy is doing a really long time out.” As they begin to focus on affiliating with other children, however, they become aware of the stigma of parental incarceration.

Early school-age children need to experience success and develop a sense of competence, with their adults and with peers. This makes them vulnerable to taunts from schoolmates about parent’s arrest or incarceration. They are not yet able to articulate the story or the feelings well enough to both satisfy peers and avoid upsetting or embarrassing the family.

This conflict between affiliation and family loyalty can lead children to avoid school, develop physical ailments, and sometimes stop talking unless they are at home.

Pre-adolescence: 9-11 years

Pre-adolescence is the stage of social emotions. Children struggle to understand the fact that “right and wrong” can vary from family to family. They are striving to learn about their own feelings about peers and family members and to understand the meaning behind the behaviors of others. Adults need to provide labels for children’s feelings without judging them.

Adults also need to provide children with good role models and teach children communication skills by saying what they mean and listening with compassion. Pre-adolescents are also making more choices on their own about homework, activities, and friends.

They need to be respected for their opinions and tastes. They may choose to distance themselves from the relationship with an incarcerated parent, partly to exercise their choice but also to avoid embarrassment.

Finally, as children strive to understand rules and consequences and to have empathy for others, adults in their world must be honest and genuine. Adults who act scared or angry but say “I am fine” will seriously confuse the developmental process of pre-adolescents. Such mixed messages may lead to acting out in an effort to understand what is really going on.

Adolescence

Teens are out in the world, trying to figure out who they are, where they are going, and who they want to go with them. They are also balancing taking risks and avoiding danger.

Many adolescents with incarcerated parents have experienced multiple separations from the incarcerated parent due to previous imprisonments or a chaotic lifestyle. Their experience has often included addictions, financial instability, caregiver stress, failing schools, and communities lacking in resources.

Adolescents are often expected to assume adult roles. They may be left for long periods without supervision. They can suffer from ambivalence about their incarcerated parent. They can, all at once, fear that they will turn out like their incarcerated parent, attempt to be like them, and fiercely reject them. They also have diminishing hope that their parents will return to them.

Keep in mind that children will react in many different ways to their parents’ imprisonment. These reactions depend on their age, personality, family circumstances, environmental stress, details of the crime and incarceration and available supports.

Ann Adalist-Estrin, M.S. is an Author, Speaker and Consultant to a wide variety of agencies serving children and families in the United States and Canada. Her seminar topics span a wide range of interests and ages and are popular with parents and professionals alike.  She is the author of the Children of Prisoners Library and co-author of Responding to Children and Families of Prisoners: A Community Guide. (read more)