To Beryl

2011-03-26T02:51:00.000-07:00

Once in our path of life there’d be people who’d make some change to our perspective. These people may not be famous but certainly would bring joy, pain and sorrow—things that would help anyone get mature and stronger.

This year, as I met these happy-go-lucky students, I learned that I could still maximize the use of my potential as a teacher. Yes, they’re not the usual studious and grade conscious students. They go out even if it is periodic exam the next day. They are not bothered with the deadlines. They shout at the corridor as if they’re not affecting other classes. They mimic the mistakes of their classmates. They bully the nerd ones. But, I don’t say they are worst.

With them, I learned that the students’ behavior might have come from so many reasons. Reasons that would make a teacher understand.

During my months of being their adviser, I learned my essence as an educator… as a mentor. That the outbursts of emotion after a person had shown you a not-so-acceptable manner were quite easy to produce. But I tell you, after the tiring outbursts is the realization that those were not paid off.

True, patience is a virtue. But I talk here of more than just a patience. It’s compassion. It’s love. And these people taught me that I could love even more…. Be compassionate even more….

I met true people in them…. and they taught me unconsciously, day by day… how to accept them for what they are and guide them patiently to what is right and what is best for them. And that at the end of the day is acceptance….that they have their own mind, own conscience, own heart to follow.

I may not have changed them totally. But, the short rocky road we’ve gone through manifested how I genuinely affected them as individuals. For me, that’s more than just enough.

With these students.....the learning process, did not go through a one-way traffic.

How Wonderful Is Aurora?

2011-03-26T02:46:00.001-07:00

I do not know exactly what you felt when I was born.

That after a very long wait, I was formed in your womb.

Now situation is totally different,

I recall… I fathom that your works are great!

People queried consistently ‘bout the raising you made

With the nine mischievous boys and a not-so-refined girl

They wonder since they know it’s never easy.

Well I’ll tell them its true!

But if things were easy for you,

It was just the same with me when I was growing up.

Our big generation gap at first gave me a bad trudge

And my difference from your other children

Suppressed my pent-up emotions.

My days of youth were struggles….

My foes were not all a secret to you.

But you let me fight those backstabbers by my own.

I made friends….

You allowed me seek for the truest ones….

You did not dictate me what to do….

I thought you don’t care

For so many times I went home crying

And you get mad not to those who made me cry,

but to me who cried…

I dreamt….

And leaving you was the exchange

But you wholeheartedly allowed.

Miles away I strived

And for years I shared down feeling with my pillows

That those times you sent me a letter made me cry in deep sorrows

Still I chose to be here,

Since teaching was your dream

And I love you more than my own dream

I finished the course and I did my best

To pass the Board and all the quests…

I worked….

I still chose here….

Despite your dreams to see me working there….

And hear people calling me ‘ma’am’,

I remained deaf from your plea.

I fell in love….

And you watched me bloom.

You welcomed the man without hesitation.

Who would forget the preparations you made for my wedding?

You were very oozy with the details.

And when I walked in the aisle, I saw you….

And the unstoppable tears flowing from your eyes….

I just couldn’t figure out if it was pain…. that I was leaving again

Or joy…. that I found the right man.

I got pregnant….

Each day was filled of advice…

of what to do… of what to eat….

until I gave birth to Sidfred.

You worried with me when my baby cried

Despite your age, you never get tired….

Your motherhood did not end with me….

It extended up to my very child…

I passed through trials in marriage life…..

You lent your ears when I felt bad….

You gave advice when I didn’t know what to do…

Until I realized, my life is totally dependent to you….

Not yet enough! Not yet enough!

That’s what I shouted you left me….

I still have a lot of dreams for you….

On you and my father’s 50^th anniversary

In the years yet to come

The plans we made together,

Will they now vanish? Will they go with you?

At ang totoo labag na labag sa kalooban kong i-let go ka, subalit wala akong magawa. I want you to leave free of worries….Your leaving is quite painful. People just don’t know how I try each day to carry this pain. I claim that my pain is deeper than my brothers’.They have each other to talk about this. Wala akong ate, ikaw lang ang meron ako…. At habang lumalaban ako, ikaw pa rin ang inspirasyon ko. I dream now to be like you to Sidfred and to the next children of mine…..

Hindi ganoon kadali mabuhay. Iyan ang itinuro mo. But the reason why I remained strong, malaki ang kontribusyon mo. I thank you…. for molding me, if not as feminine as the common girls, at least as feminine as your compassion and as steadfast as your faith.

How many times did I give you problems out of being different from the rest of your children? I was the most sensitive and most onion-skinned child of yours but you never failed to understand. I was the most demanding that I even pushed you to provide but you remained to be so giving.

As the only girl in the family, I would like to claim I was you favorite. Gusto kong isiping paborito mo ako…. Pero mali…. Dahil lahat ng anak mo paborito mo…..

Ngayon pag binabalikan ko lahat ng alaala mo, agad tumutulo ang luha ko…. You are such a wonderful mother. A selfless mother that even if I give birth to a same number of your children, hindi ko pa rin matutumbasan ang pagmamahal na naibigay mo sa aming lahat.

Sana pwede kong sabihin sa lahat ang kadakilaan mo.

Hindi po madali ang mawalan ng nanay. Its like you’ve been cut of the most important part of your body. There are nights that I think of you and the many sana’s keep roaring in my mind. It’s a torture… pero ikaw din ang nakikita ko para lumaban…. Para maisip ko na I have to move on and I have to think of Sidfred na umaasa din sa akin bilang nanay nya.

Kulang ang panahon na naiukol ko sa iyo. Pasalamat na lang ako naalagaan kita sa mga huling sandali ng buhay mo. And that made me feel relieved kahit papaano. I will always remember your beautiful eyes staring at me when I was nursing you…. And those palms that I kept holding when we were in the hospital.

Alam kong tinupad ko ang mga pangarap mo. At habang lumalaki ako, kahit kakaiba ako, sinikap kong maging mabuting tao dahil doon mo naman ako hinubog.

Kulang pa yon… even the investments of good deeds para sa ‘yo kulang pa rin… but I will make use of my profession to spread the very values you taught me in life—ang pagmamahal sa magulang at ang pagtanaw ng utang na loob.

Kaya lagi kong sinasabi invest good deeds for your parents…. In the future, this investment will make you a fulfilled man….

Most people would say alam ko na iyan… I would like to tell them it’s totally different when you are in a certain situation like this.

Habang tumatagal…. Sumasakit…. Pain gets deeper…. It lacerates my very soul. Hindi po totoo na pag tumagal malilimutan mo….

I miss her terribly…. Ang malalakas niyang halakhak… ang mga banat niyang jokes… Ang pakikipagkulitan niya sa mga kapatid kong lalake… ang aming mga diskusyon…. Ang walang patumanggang text massages niya araw-araw tungkol sa anak ko at sa aming magkapatid…. Ang paghiling niya sa tawag ko….Ang pagrerequest nya ng regalo tuwing year-end at birthday nya…. Ang pago-grocery naming magkasama…. Ang pagtatanong nya ng gusto kong ulam…. Ang paghihintay niya sa aming pagdating…. Ang paggagayak nya ng pabaon pagkatapos ng ilang araw na pagdalaw…. Ang pagpaplano namin ng mga espesyal na okasyon…. Ang pakikinig niya sa bawat pagdaramdam ko…. Ang sabay naming paggalugad sa palengke…. Ang pagtatanong niya kung bagay ang kanyang suot…. Ang pagpapadisenyo nya ng damit na ipapatahi…. Ang pang-aarbor nya ng sandals….. Ang pananaway nya sa aking kamalditahan….Ang walang kamatayang sermon sa bawat hindi magandang nababalitaan niya sa akin o sa sino mang kapatid ko…..At higit sa lahat ang sabay naming pagsamba…..

These are just few….

My mother Aurora is an epitome of a God-given mother…. Para sa akin at marahil maging sa aking mga kapatid, tunay na wala siyang kapantay. Her life proved the meaning of her name…. ‘dawn’…. That gives new light….new hope….new wonder everyday!

My mother is truly as wonderful as dawn!

Iyan ang lagi ko iniisip…. And it helps me to cope….

Time doesn’t teach to forget…. It teaches to endure….

Seventh Angel

To Beryl

How Wonderful Is Aurora?