Sex in the City with No Titties

Where Has Your Self Worth Gone

2014-01-23T16:16:00.000-08:00

I had to take a deep breath when writing this one, cause what the hell are we doing out here. My goodness. I know I have been off the dating scene for some time. Dealing with life, working on self, and what not. However, I didn't know that the state of humanity in dating was going straight to hell in a hand basket.

Women are so confused about themselves and men have just become lazy, everyone has advice, on the do's and don't but, do you even listen to yourself. Everyday I see post of Why this and Why that, do this and do that, and if you want something different do something different. Coming from people who honestly need to shut the hell up. When did you become the dating guru, when everyone reading knows yo shit stinks worse than anyone's. What work did you do to move past your issues of the past, are you in a viable relationship where you can give the best and most unbiased advice.

One thing I don't do is give advice to married people, I'm not married, and wouldn't even dream of it. I'm still looking for my match, and you can say, aren't I doing the same thing giving advice. No I'm just saying STOP IT. I see what your doing to your self, but I or no one else can want better for you than you want for yourself.

When did we become so complacent and lazy about love, when did we start settling for just okay, and not what we truly deserve. When did we start playing wife instead of waiting for what we really want, That clock is ticking crap come on. Most of these women settling are the one's who are in church praying for a good man, but can't seem to leave the horrible one they have so they can't get that blessing. Oh I know, cause we have given up. On ourselves, on our journey's on our self worth. You are with that man cause you chose to be, you can leave, he ain't even doing anything for you, but you rather stay cause you don't want to be alone. Um and men don't even get me started on that.

Women will listen and believe anything and everything just to say they have a man. When he cheats and whatever else you complain about what do you do. You stay and continue to complain. Gone are your friends gone is your self respect, you got a couple of kids and your a single parent. Yet homeboy can come and lay up and play daddy when ever he wants and your fine with that. The point is your fine with that. So who is to blame. YOU, at the end of the day it's YOU, is now and forever will be.

You make choices everyday which way you wanna go. You constantly blame the other girl or him but at the end of the day what is the common denominator. YOU. Men will tell you anything you need to hear and you want to hear it, without stopping to think is this sincere, or wait how can that be when your already married or you live with someone else. This topic is exhausting. I feel like Spike Lee at the end of School Daze WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE UP!

Surrender

2014-01-15T17:58:00.002-08:00

Happy New year everyone, I know it's been a while since you've heard from me, but I feel like it's important to have something important to say. Then waste your valuable reading time on nonsense. With that being said. 2014 has already been extremely gratifying in ways I have never imagined.

After my experience with my own cancer, then my mother's cancer, and then my mom being hit by a car. Yes, it's been interesting to say the least, but in the words of Ceily in The Color Purple, "but I'm here, I'm here". I am a living testimony of the matchless grace of God. I have seen his miracles honey and they are something. He continues to do miracles in me, and my mom.

The past 9 years have been some of my best and my worse. However, one thing I know for sure, my life is not my own. I chose a bit a go to do what we are all supposed to do as children of God and that is surrender. I surrendered it all! Myself, my thoughts, my desires, my fears. All of it. I am sharing this now, because I need to see, and I needed witnesses to the fact that this is true. Anyone, who know's me knows. I don't run around preaching or telling folks the way to the Lord is Christ. That is your own spiritual journey, and I do not negate that. All I can say is what I know. Since I have done it my life has been full.

Okay let's be clear, I'm human, and not perfect, and some times I look around that imaginary corner to see if there is something I should look out for. I don't just always walk right out LOL, but I know if I am tenative all I have to do is call on him and he helps me out. There are some things that I will share in time, about what other things he has blessed me with, in regard to my surrender. But, if me being alive and my mom being alive and walking after surviving cancer and then her and her friend being hitting by a car while crossing the street. Flying 100 feet being in the hospital system for 2 years and still around to talk about it. Is not enough for you to at least think about it, well I don't know what to tell ya!

There are things you struggle with often, and there is no need. You can only control the way you react, and that's pretty much it. Your journey is yours, you will most definately have trials, believer or not. Things will not always work out the first time, sometimes not even the second. It's all a way to see what you are made of. Trust me I know first hand.

Okay...okay...enough of this stuff, but if you could just try to throw your hands up and shout out loud you handle it. Cross bridges when you get to them, don't fret or worry, cause when I tell ya it's always on time it is.

I hope this year brings you all the desires of your heart, but mostly I hope, that you can get out of your own way.

Warmly,

Nikea

A Progress That's Working

2013-09-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Here is how I know, I am finally no longer a work in progress but a progress that's working. I did work on myself. Way before Iyanla came around and started fixing people's lives, but I knew I needed to fix mine. Something was definitely a miss. Not to beat a dead horse, but my 30's have been rocky at best, and how I got through is truly a victory through the grace of God.

However, that kind of stuff changes you, inside and out. The point is I wanted help and I got it. I worked on being whole, opening up from past hurts, loving myself despite all that has happened. Not punishing my self thinking how could God do this to me, and what did I do to deserve this. What I learned is I am beautifully and wondrously made, and all things happen for a reason.

I asked for answer and I got them. Not right away, and the SHIT and MUCK, and dirty low down stuff I had to go through to get through, was real in these streets, but I sit here with a smile on my face as I type this. Because, I asked and HE answered and continues to answer. With the help of a therapist, and THE WORD I was able to find myself again. The new me, the me that I have always wanted to be. The adult me, the I have put away childish things to live the life I am supposed to live me. No more running from what I know I am capable of, but running toward my goals. With a fresh new perspective that no one can steal from me. One of my favorite sayings is, "you can't steal my joy, cause you didn't give it to me."

Not only that, I met someone, and I met someone I really like. I'm not jumping the gun, but this has been a long time coming, for the first time, in a while. I am not afraid of being hurt, I am totally 100 percent myself, and equally vulnerable, and I love it. I'm open, I'm full. This is awesome!

So right now I wanna take this moment so send a little prayer up for each of you reading this blog, and a continued prayer for those who are close to me. That you know that there is a purpose for your life, and that God will never leave you or forsake you. You only have this life, so live it like it's your last. Don't put off until tomorrow, what you could do today, because tomorrow is not promised. I ask for a covering over each of you, that you can see clearly as to what it is your supposed to do in this life. I pray for Wholeness, oneness, and team work, with what ever person you are dealing with, and knowing your OWN self worth.

A smile goes a long way! Remember it could always be worse :)!

GRATEFUL/FRIENDSHIPS

2013-08-20T11:50:00.001-07:00

There are several reasons why I should be grateful.

I woke up this morning to see another day.

I have a job

I have food to eat

Clothes on my back

A God who love me regardless of the things I do or don't do.

A close loving family

But mostly I am grateful for having some of the best friends a person could imagine. I always hear how good friends are hard to find, and how I can only be friends with men, and women are so messy. It sometimes makes me wonder, well what kind of friend are you. Good people love good people.

I liken friendships to dating relationships, however, friendships can be way more intimate, because you generally confide all with that person. Your friend is the one that knows the inner most, outer most of who you truly are. A good friend is a safe place to be vulnerable. In any relationship it's hard to let your guard down, and with any relationship, you have to blindly trust that you made the right decision, but if your intentions are pure, it's not hard to tell if someone else's are or not.

Granted there is a bit of trial and error. There is a such thing as season, reason, lifetime. But, once you find your core group hang on to it. Any and all relationships are work, and you have to fight to keep the good ones.

I just wanted to take this moment to thank them, for just knowing me, accepting me and loving me unconditionally. As we continue to grow and mature, I pray that we continue to up lift, push, encourage, call each other on our BS. Laugh, create, cry and what ever else God has planned for us together.

I also wanted to express my continual admiration, love and respect for the woman I have been blessed to know in this life. For that I am truly grateful!

Love you guys!

It's The Little Things

2013-05-29T12:34:00.002-07:00

It's the little things in life that should make us happy right? When did we become so grand gesture hungry.

How come we have to win the 120 million in the lottery why can't we just be satisfied with the 7 mill.
Why do we need a 9 bedroom house why can't we just be satisfied with a 2 bedroom fixer upper.
Why do we need the hottest guy (bad boy) on the block, why can't we just be content with the man who loves us unconditionally.

We need to start appreciating the little things again. Like the fact that we woke up this morning. Your car started. it could always be worse. How many times you have made it through what ever storm there was.

I am reminded that life is too short to be angry and tense about the things that I can't control, the saying is true when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. I realized, that there have been times I didn't know how I was going to pay my rent, or how I was going to get this and do that. But it worked out, and I was lax in my great fullness.

I understand that all GOD wants from us is to be grateful. Live decent lives and look to him alone for our peace.

So thank you, for the little things, the small gestures, the safe passage, the breath of life, the healing, the friends, the family, the love unconditional, the non judgement, the making a way out of no way, the understanding, for what you are about to do, and what you have already done.

Guess the little things are GRAND after all!

I Almost Wish I Was Flat Chested!

2013-05-21T15:39:00.004-07:00

Again, I ask my self the question why would anyone opt to have surgery, cosmetic anyway. Okay some surgeries can't be passed by, and some are life saving. But you are never 100% your self again...

Tiny aches and pains... things not fully functioning correctly. People take a chance every time they go under the knife.. especially for cosmetic stuff in the hopes that it will turn out right and they will look flawless, if it doesn't well forget trying to correct it... because there is no chance of that!

Just like a car after it's new. Once maintenance is done, there always seems to be some other problem...or it could just be human error who knows. Just because you have something done... doesn't mean you will come out good as new...in fact hardly ever... my Doctor said and I quote " After surgery things are not quite they same are they"...

Ha I guess not...and yet people still take chances anyway, on a gamble for perfection... I guess what I am trying to say is... unless you absolutely need it... and or it's a life saving surgery... don't take the risk... cause you are never 100% and you are never, ever as good as new!

Just asked my fused muscle that's attached to my (fake) boobie that when ever I touch it, my muscle contracts in to a ball and squeezes the shit out of it. The doctors also can't tell me why it's happening. Damn implant!

Hind site is 20/20 and if I knew then what I know now, I would have made some vastly different decisions. I haven't had a F this ish moment in a while, I guess today is just one of those days.

Thanks for listening.

BITING THE BULLET (ONLINE DATING)

2013-05-17T11:31:00.001-07:00

Okay so I'm doing it, a while ago I wrote a blog about online dating and how I didn't think it wasn't necessary and blah blah blah. However, I see the light. Not about the online dating but trusting God will bring you who your supposed to be with ,but you have to do the work. Those are seeds I haven't really sewn, I haven't actively or non actively looked for a companion, but I do think its necessary to stir up the pot. You know have some man scent on you as it were. I joined a free site, that someone recommended and I have to say, it's working, I mean there are people messaging me and wanting to meet for coffee, mostly conversations, but it's working, I can not deny that.

I have yet to meet with someone or go on a date, I mean I am still pretty new to the site, but it is the place to meet men my age or older, it's true, I'm not gonna meet my guy in a club. I don't go and neither do they, most are family men, divorced or babies daddies and yes they would look crazy as hell in the club. You know those guys, that you immediately judge cause they in the club trying to hang with the youngins. I am starting to feel that way myself (the old lady in the club). Not that I club like that anymore, but it's definitely for the kids these days LOL.

It's hard to meet people in your friend circle, because most of your friends have been your friends for years, and there really is no new people, or they are all married or you know waaaay to much of their business already.

So here I am giving it a shot, if I go on any dates I will keep you posted, I'm curious to see what will happen next. How fun for me ;)

CALL ME OLD FASHIONED

2013-05-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

You know it's deep when you have to tell someone who want's to "date you", your old school and would prefer a phone call rather than a text.

There is something to be said about a phone conversation, you get to hear the intent behind the message, the sense of humor, the tone behind the joke. The truth behind the voice. Instead of getting offended or confused because of lack of punctuation, or your not familiar with the persons sense of humor yet. Your able to form a connection that your not able to with text. We are such a now generation that even when we are in front of each other we are communicating via the inter-web.

The new hottness is we have been texting all day today makes me sad.

Even when meeting for coffee, the phones are on the tables, not in purses or pockets for the ready, to be distracted from what's important, that connection. I can't believe that a request for a real conversation could be a deal breaker. If you can spend time typing, you can spend time talking. Not every phone call is 5 hours long, but that was the lick. You look up and look at the time, and you have been talking all night. That is connection.

We gotta stop, we gotta take a step back, and remember the days where a written letter was better than poor writing or ebonic text to get points across. Just because its text Okay is spelled O.K.A.Y or O. K. not occay. Ugh! Sorry for the rant, but geez I just want to be able to really feel and know that you are a living breathing human being and that talking to me is a really good part of your day.

Now let's be clear, everything doesn't have to be a phone conversation a quick, I'm on my way, or can you talk text is totally appropriate that way you know when one is available to actually speak, but come on people where is the the humanity. The love and respect. Or how about when your talking to me you can't concentrate because you are looking at your phone and texting someone while we are talking.

Think of it this way, what were you doing before there was facebook, texting, and all this other nonsense. If the phone rang and you weren't home they would have to call back. I'm not saying we have to go back to the proverbial stone age, but what I am saying is what's the harm in picking up a phone and wanting, yearning to hear the voice of the person you are so enamored with.

YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS, YOU GUYS ARE NO WALK IN THE PARK!

2013-04-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

This post is not about male bashing, or saying all men are this and that, but it remains to be seen, that people, men and women, need to realize that they are dealing with a living, breathing, emotion having human being.

I am little out of practice when it comes to dating, I admit it, my last few years I have to deal with a lot of personal things. Mostly dealing with my health or my mothers. Now that I'm trying to see what's out there, all I seem to find are these broken men, who seemingly have it together, until one day they just say something out of the clear blue that obviously has nothing to do with you. There is this trigger, a word... a something, that someone used to say to them, but they probably never really had a response for it. Now you un-knowingly say that thing and it feels like you just got hit with a cannon.

They try and destroy you with their words, and you begin to feel like a cartoon character when the wind blows too hard and their hair and stuff flies off and all your left with is a skeleton. Your caught so off guard by this, there is just no words.

So here in lies the issue, how do you fix that, how do you change it. I know I can't personally help you. You need help, professional help, someone to talk to about your problems. I am sorry for all the things that you have been through, but I am not the cause of them. I have in advertedly inherited someone else's stuff. Some woman he didn't seek closure from. Or some past hurt that he still clings to for dear life.

Listen, I know you don't always know or realize that one particular thing is a problem. But when it does come up I pray your able to recognize it and apologize. Ego a side. Just a plain I'm sorry. I know what your used to dealing with, and you continue to deal with cause you haven't dealt. Just, like women, men pick the same woman, hoping for a different result. Not gonna happen.

Please hear me when I say this. Another person can't fix something that is already broken, I can't make a half a whole, I can only love you and appreciate you where you are. However, you don't have to be all the way together, but working towards getting your self together. It's time we took a step back and looked at the bigger picture again.

These reality shows and nonsense where broken humans are screaming and fighting broken humans just perpetuates this. We watch crap like this and think this is what LOVE is supposed to look like. Drama and kicking and screaming. Take stock, what do you really want and need, and maybe we can figure it out together.

Be well young man, cause the sheer denial of the fact that you don't think you have a problem. Speaks volumes about the fact that you do.

I AM NOT A LESBIAN!

2013-04-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

I bet your thinking uhhhh what's with that title and I haven't seen a blog post from her in a while. I kind of ran out of passion for writing this blog. I mean how can it be Sex in the City, when there is no sex to speak of. Then I kept thinking about it. This blog is not necessarily about sex-capades or how many men I have or don't have. It's about me. The good the Bad and the ugly. I have gone through different variations of my life. Good and bad, but I am still no worse for ware.

I called this particular blog, I am not a lesbian, cause I haven't had anything sniffing around any part of me, that I'm starting to think people think I am hiding something. I even had someone ask me, am I gay HA! I simply replied "I wish, at least then there might be some hope"! Hahahahaha. No, I am not gay, and no there is no man to speak of in my life. Do I want one absolutely, will I have one maybe? Only God knows for sure.

However, what I know for sure is that I am finally a whole person, a whole person on my own. I still have flaws, but like Iyanla says I have done the work, I have worked on myself so that, the wonderful whole man that comes into my life, will have his mate. He who finds a wife finds a good thing. Truth, marriage now a days, I can take it or leave it. A wonderful mate/companion to enjoy time with and have fun on dates and travel. A bestie with full benefits is my idea of a good thing. If HE wanted to get married I would definitely consider it. I mean hey why not.

Some of you may be reading this thinking, wow if only it were that simple. The truth is...IT IS that simple. We make our own lives complicated and convoluted. So much so, we don't know which way is up. We have spent so much time convincing ourselves that it's everyone else's fault, or everyone else that's crazy that we have lost touch with reality.

At the end of the day happiness is what matters, being able to wake up and be proud of every choice you made, and live with no regret, because each thing has taught you a lesson and brought you to this beautiful space your in now.

So no, I don't have a man, and I for sure don't have a women (ho homo tee hee), but when he comes along he will be proud of me and I will be proud of him. We will be a team, and I am sooooooo looking forward to that.

Waiting For Epic!

2012-07-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

Trust me when I say, I will not settle, it's not that I'm picky...I just won't settle for less than EPIC love! Now I'm sure you are probably thinking that's a very high standard, but my version of EPIC probably differs from yours.

I'm looking for my match, the one who compliments me, who can check me when I'm wrong, and lovingly tell/ give advice on what to do next, I am looking for a best friend, a confidant, the first person I wanna call when something great/or bad happens, one I can cry and laugh with, one who is willing to put up with all things me and I him.

To me that's EPIC love...I can't help but think about Stevie Wonders song as...and how much he loved the person he was singing to...this part in particular stands out to me:

Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky--Loving you

Until the ocean covers every mountain high--Loving you

Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea--Loving you

Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream--Be loving you

Until the day is night and night becomes the day--Loving you

Until the trees and seas up, up and fly away--Loving you

Until the day that 8x8x8x8 is 4--Loving you

Until the day that is the day that are no more--Loving you

Until the day the earth starts turning right to left--Be loving you

Until the earth just for the sun denies itself--Loving you

Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through--Loving you

Until the day that you are me and I am you--

Now ain't that loving you

Now that seems ridiculous doesn't it, but that's what love makes you feel like...that all the preposterous things are possible...that you two are the only things besides God that exist.

I have to say, because of not settling and knowing when something is just not gonna work cause he and I are not on the same page, or he comes with so much baggage it's hard to see what's under neath because he has hid that part from everyone...I am not trying to heal someone, I am not your mother, I am not your father and I am not your savior, I didn't do it, it's not your fault and I am not her!

I am your lover, your confidant, your cheerleader, your best friend, your biggest support, I am your equal, your match, your ride or die! You will be mine...EPIC, I know your out there, and I pray to GOD that he prepares me to recognize you when you come...I am a bit out of practice on being someones girlfriend, but if your him... I will let ya know that, and you can help me along as I will help you.

EPIC and I are partners, and share everything and we enjoy our friends while enjoying each other's company. Right now you are a vision and your nick name is EPIC, but I look forward to the day when I can call you by your true name...the one your momma gave you :). Can't wait to meet you, and if I already know you, can't wait to see how our love evolves!

How Can You Move Forward, If You Live In The Past!

2012-07-03T10:55:00.002-07:00

I don't pretend to have the answers to everything, and I hope you all don't think I am trying to sound holier than though. Cause please believe I am just learning all these things myself. A wise person once told if you are living in your past how can you enjoy your future.

Even the bible says the future is sufficient for it's self, how can you be in the present, if your you constantly go back to your past. Past love, past hurt, past fall out. One of the fundamental things everyone one needs is forgiveness...you can't fully move forward if you can not forgive your past.

This is not a new statement, it is a true statement...and sometimes we need to be reminded over and over again before it finally sticks. Let him go, let her go, if it was meant to be it would have been. You can't fit a circle into a square and you can't make someone love and you can't CHANGE anyone.

Life is sooo short, and long at the same time...see one day you'll look up and it will be too late, you will realize that you have spent most of your days harping on or dealing with junk and stuff from your past, life has passed you on by. You don't want that...you don't want to live like that do you?

Life is a series of test and checks and balances...if you can't learn from your mistakes you are doomed to repeat them...if you can't change your thinking you will continue to get what you get. You don't have to live this way. I think fear plays a big part in the decisions we make. We are afraid if we step out and fail, then you knew that was going to happen you will never try again. The whole point of walking in your fear is to challenge your self, and if you do fail you learn from your mistakes so you don't make the same one's again.

Ladies, that man is the same man just in different skin. He is exactly that guy you used to see but with a different face. The problem with that is the guy who is going to bless you isn't anything like that guy, but you can't see it cause you are dealing with past man. Fella's she's not her, she didn't do it...please stop using that first girl that hurt you to ruin other women, you men can be very harsh, and play with our emotions like a harp, cause She did that to you. We can't apologize for her, we can only do what we can do.

I'm not trying to sound preachy, and honestly I am probably preaching to the choir, and I need to hear all of this as well. We have to allow ourselves to be completely happy, single or otherwise...your happiness is not based off someone else, and too half's don't make a whole, two wholes make a movement. Nothing is going to be perfect, but you don't have to be stressed out, or full of drama either. Trust, God did not envision that for you. You shouldn't envision it for yourself.

Thank You Sir! (A word of appreciation to all Men)

2012-06-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so the title of the blog is not that complicated, but I do want to say thank you! Thank you to the men who stand up and be men...to the ones who are great fathers...loving husbands, and fantastic friends, to both their male and female counter parts.

Thank you to those men who are male figures to those that have not had a strong male influence in their life. Thank you to those men who appreciate, care for, love and protect their women...who despite what society says about US (black women) you know we have had past hurts, and are still there to see us through. Thank you for taking care of yourselves...realizing that you are also not perfect...taking care and removing some of your past hurts and not letting it affect your life as much as it probably could.

I believe it important to let your fella know how important you think he is, and how well he is doing no matter the circumstances, and we as women need to remember that they are not alone in this. We are a piece of their back bone and need to support them no matter what. See you chose that man and in that you chose everything that came with him. So how dare you not stand by him when he looses his job or if something that isn't in the plans occurs. Relationships are HARD work, and I have never heard a couple say it wasn't. So in all of that some of us come out spoiled, hurt, and decide to take it out on everyone after that person.

I commend the people male and female who don't! Yes, things sometimes creep up, but recognizing it quickly and working through it together is the best way. So again I say thank you...to those men who recognize things in them selves and their families, who work through the hard times and be there through the struggles. To the men who are consistent, and surprise you at every turn.

If I could apologize to the men who are working on it, I would but unfortunately I am not the one who caused your pain, but she didn't know what she had when she had it...and when a REAL women recognizes it, try and love her past your hurt, or seek counseling, you don't have to live with that pain, and you may find you are stronger for getting it out!

I think one thing we all can say is true is that, life is not that complicated but people are and as we mature we realize things are not as hard as they seem, yes there are challenges but with the right support and love it helps make the difference in our achievements. So again I say thank you, for doing the absolute best you can and for always striving to be a leader, a hard worker and a man of God/Spirituality, cause a head of a household needs someone other than their spouse to depend on sometimes.

Well I think I covered it, and if I didn't well forgive me...the appreciation could go on and on, so in closing I say THANK YOU xoxo!

The Fact is I Need you!

2012-05-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

I don't think I have ever heard this song until now, okay I have heard it a million times, but I have never heard it. As I listened to it...it was me...all of me...all of me and who and where I am right now. I am not gonna say much more, cause the words speak for me, I don't have a son, but if I did this would still ring sooo true! Also, I added a video so you could truly understand.

I can pay my own light bill baby
Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
We need you
We do
We need you yeah
We need you

Embrace Your Hoeness!

2012-05-09T12:16:00.001-07:00

Let me explain, in this day and age where anything goes...it's time to stop being so offended by what people say and call a spade a spade...in this life there is always going to be a double standard if we like it or not. And unfortunately for us, it is always the women who get the short of that stick...so I say why not embrace it.

The reason we watched so much Sex in the City, is because we saw a lil bit of ourselves in each woman and well my favorite I have to say was Samantha... and here's why..she didn't apologize about who she was, and sex was her main goal in life...sure she was an alpha female, and dedicated herself to getting exactly what she wanted, when she wanted and how she wanted... and some of you/us probably judged her for that. Just because she didn't fall into the social archetype of needing to be in a relationship to be full filled in some way...there was no horrific back story as to why she is the way that she is...she wasn't molested, or seeking the love of a father...no she was plain and simple a Hoe! And the reason I say that is because when ever a women sleeps around she is branded as such and well we all know if a man did it he's just Da Man!

So I say embrace it...kind of like the blacks (LOL) did with the N word, or women did with the word Bitch (I would never address my friends as such but to each his own.) I mean sistah's have to have something for themselves...so I will be the first, my name is Nikea and I am a hore...I, am not a feminist, I am a realist. I do what I want and I am proud of it...If I wanna have sex I do, if I want to be in a relationship I will...am I my own person? Absolutely, so if your passing judgement right now on this passage in this blog called sex in the city with no titties...well we can just assume you haven't evolved enough to embrace your Hoe yet...but let me say this... why live in shame, and doubt and fear about what you like and who you are...don't live in the Hoe, closet...come out and let your freak flag wave.

Now let's be clear, you can still be a lady and a hoe...sh*t there are plenty of classy hoe's, I am not a slut or a tramp...I am merely embracing that in which has been so looked down upon, and in that I take refuge and power because nothing bad happened to me, I have no miserable back story that makes me act some sort of way...it just is, and you know what I am totally fine with that.

So a toast to the Hoes.....Cheers!

Feeling Like My Old Self Again!

2012-05-01T11:12:00.001-07:00

Whooo, this has been an interesting few months...well i will say the past 8 months have been crazy. My mother was hit by a car and I have become her care giver it has been a slow recovery process for her but, now that she is getting better and about ready to come home. I have had the chance to re-focus on my needs as well.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in what's happening around us, that we just loose sight, and forget to check in on our selves. Honestly since this incident there hasn't been a ton of sexin in my city...nor has there been any male connection in a while.

I have realized one thing through this whole thing, and that is, always Do You, Take Care of You, and make sure you are okay. Yes you have people who will check on you...who will come and help you, but no one can really help you make sense of things but you. After stepping back and letting the smoke clear...you sometimes look around and think gosh now I am just left with me. My needs, my want's, my desires...I have crossed hurdle after hurdle...and yet again it's just me.

In times of tragedy, it is easy to shut down, to just kind of let it pass and pray you get through it and honestly after all I and my mom have been through it is a blessing that we are even still standing (if you read this blog fully you will get the picture!).

It has not been easy by any means, but with a ton of faith, some therapy, and wonderful friends I was able to stay pretty present...and in this realize that the one thing I need is me! So, I have been doing that, taking care of me...what ever I need I do, it's important...it's really not about a mate, that will come...it's not even about dating someone...it's about connection...the only way to connect with someone truly is if neither party is trying to find completion in the other. I am not trying to have someone help me forget where I have been...that would just be pushing those feelings a side.

I guess i'm saying all this to say, it's not the end of the world, I have been drug through the mud and I am still standing...standing tall and taking care...and if I may add looking damn good doing it...I feel better than I have felt in a really long time because well...I choose to...I chose me, and from now on that is non-negotiable.

The Blah Times

2012-02-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

I'm sure, no wait i'm positive i'm not the only one who feels like this every now and again you start to notice that certain aspects of your life are so vivid in it's wrongness that it makes you feel some sort of way. The old what am I doing with my life stage, or is this really it? I think we all have a certain expectation of a New Year...wanting it to start out with a bang...desiring for more...and well sometimes its just a slow sputter. Can this feeling really be blamed on anything...are we doing 100 percent of what we need to do to make the new year start off how it should?

Most people spend most days looking forward to Friday and you realize your whole life has passed you by looking forward to the weekend and when it gets here do we ever live? Or do we just take more time to do nothing? I for example right now am feeling that way...I just came from and incredible trip in Trinidad...carnival...and some would say that I am just feeling blah because I am feeling Tabanka, which in Trini terms means (withdrawals), but I also have a certain expectation of my self...I got some disappointing news today...and I get bad news or no news all the time as an actor...but when you feel you did your very best and someone says well that's just not what we're looking for it hurts.

I should probably just shut up right...rejection is par for the course as an actor and I should know better than anyone to just let these things go...I can only do what I can do and hope for the best. But hey I'm still human aren't I. I don't really have any point nor am I looking for advice on how to feel better cause for the most part I am a positive person...but today just hit me kind of hard...and I am feeling a we bit Blah....so I thought I would right it down just to see if I could take a bit of the sting away...I mean this is my live journal isn't it...I guess the most important thing now is to allow my self to feel these feelings and then move on. Cause tomorrow is a new day! Thanks for listening!

I Wanna Know What Love Is, I Want You To Show Me!

2012-02-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

The old saying is there is someone for everyone...and you deserve to have someone love you the way you deserve...hmmm.

I mean I think I am a good woman, and I have a lot to offer a man...I am not so fiercely independent that I can't respect a man and his duties as a man...in fact I want that...I want the man to be a man...I am not dis-respectful...I am loving, affectionate...the list can go on and on...but I have never really been in love...baring young love, or puppy love...I have not experienced that divine love where you find your best mate...your soul the person you would take a bullet for...my bestie!

A friend said once she hasn't been in a relationship in so long she wonders if she would remember how to be...I thought about that...I haven't been in a relationship with possiblities since college and although there was feelings there...was there love?...I am not looking for Mr. Perfect, cause God knows there is no such thing...I have gotten past my daddy issues through therapy (keeping it real). After which I dated, and dated to see what it is that I would look for in a mate. But more often than not I get (from men) your exactly what I need but or they are some how intimidated by me.

Listen, I'm just a girl who wants to be loved and wants to love...I am not the girl who has been planning a wedding since I was 5 and wants to get married or be with someone cause I need them to make me whole...I am looking for a match in every way possible...so that WE can be epic...so because of this I have spent time being alone...but hey at least I am not bringing my past relationships into the equation or trying to re-invent the last guy I was with, cause that's not fair.

I think I am writing this post because today is Valentines day...and the day when red balloon's and I love you's are flung to and fro! But each day should and is Valentines day when you have some one to love...In the same way I love my Family and my Closest friends is the same way I want to love HIM who ever he is...so in the mean time I guess I will still be waiting and this will go to Gods ears and he will send someone to love me as God does!

Where Have I Been? You wouldn't Believe me!

2012-01-30T12:45:00.000-08:00

Hey there, sorry I have been MIA lot's has gone on toward the end of 2011, some super high, highs....and some pretty low lows...but you always know what your made of when you can come out the other end.

Just so you know...my mother was in a horrible accident at the end of August she was a pedestrian and was hit by a car that was going about 40 miles per hour...so needless to say all of my attention was on that...and why I have been absent...she spent 2 months in ICU with a broken everything leg, arm, neck you name it...and made it out the other side...that's how good God is. I realize that I spent a lot of this blog concentrating on the things that I/we may be doing wrong...then I realized yet again life is too short to worry about those things.

God has a plan for everyone...and I realize more and more often that my life is not my own...and that God controls all of this...now I'm not trying to get in some debate about religion, or tell you how you should believe...I'm just telling you how Good he has been to me...how he has kept me in the midst of this storm...and countless others...We (my mom and I) have battled Cancer, and now her being hit by a car and surviving cancer all in the span of 1 year...this could make any person crumble...and it has been really tuff...but you never know what your made of until you are faced with it...and my reliance on God has kept me up and functioning through these days.

I am happy to say that my mom is a Miracle, a spectacular miracle...her will to live and and her faith has brought her back to us...not fully recovered...bones are still healing but no major damage that should cause her problems...I could list her injuries, but I think you can put it together...a 63 year old women hit on her lift side by an American made car going 40 miles per hour...God is good!

I am sharing this with you because although this blog is about finding true love...it's also about the knowledge of growing and loving oneself and all things that touch, make and mold us...Since I am not in charge of any of this...whoever I am going to love is going to have to love all facets of me as well. This is a part of who I am it has not made me bitter but it allows me to see the bigger picture!

The Best Advice is Usually Your Own

2011-08-19T10:28:00.001-07:00

Lately, it seems I have been full of advice. Lots of people are going through all sorts of stuff, and generally, while your giving advice someone is also giving advice to you.

However, the advice you give is great because you are not going through, what that person is. It's always easier to give great advice when your free and clear of that particular trouble.

The funny part is, the adivce your giving, is probably meeting you right where you are. Or it's great future advice for you. I'm sure what ever your friend is going through you've either been there, or about to go there, and well listen to your self when you talk.

The term your preaching to the chior has never made more sense. And the next time you are in the situation think back on the advice you so sternly gave, and apply to yourself, because you were right the first time.

The truth is when you give advice, the best advice for you is your own.

Where Has Foreplay Gone?

2011-08-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

I miss foreplay, I miss it a lot...I have been hearing and feeling the steady decline for a while...and every woman says the same thing..."he thinks kissing my boobs and going down on me is foreplay"...well if you haven't helped him out in that area how will he know?

I think we women romanticize things a bit...but why shouldn't we...I mean it goes back to when things were simple and maybe when you weren't exactly having sex but had a lil finger introduction or a lovely dry hump with the boy you liked... I mean that was some good foreplay that helped build up to the fact of your first time...or even the back massage or the long lingering kisses of neck, back, ears, shoulders, butt, thighs and what ever else you can think of!

We are one big muscle and even the slightest touch from the one you like/love should send shivers down your spine...but sometimes it takes a lil more coaxing! Now don't get me wrong... think it's safe to say that we don't necessarily need this kind of treatment at ALL times because we like to get down to the nitty gritty too, but please keep in mind that foreplay is important and it makes the act that much more YUM! :)...I mean can we get a kiss on the neck geez!

Now ladies this goes for you too...I know for me nothing turns me on more then watching a man bend to my touch...its awesome and trust me a lot of other women they may have dealt with haven't done that...and for sure haven't put them first...and sometimes there is a lack of reciprocation (he does you, you don't do him) You know it's true!...but we are all adults here, and this my friends needs to change. So I have decided to wage a bring back foreplay campaign! What do you think?

Think Like A Man

2011-08-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

I do and what does it get me...soft lady boys...I mean come on...I think it's all subjective...maybe I should explain myself.

I learned a long time ago that men have a different way of thinking...it's a bit more logical than emotional...I think all women can attest to that...and it's not necessarily that the man is not a great communicator... it's just he's not saying the things you want to hear...one thing I can say about men is that they are generally honest...and by generally I mean... if you get one that does tell you the truth listen...cause he does mean what he says.

Then on the other hand you have the guy who lies about anything and everything...and who wants to put up with that mess...It could be Tuesday and he'd say it's Wednesday...cause that's just how he is... and of course my favorite guy the guy who is so hurt he decides that he is going to hurt every woman in his path just so he doesn't get hurt first blah blah blah blah...look the rules haven't changed just the players...and I think most of us have been doing this long enough recognize all the Idiosyncrasies

Now here is my issue...because I think like a guy...this scares men cause I know what they are going to do before they do it or they just don't get how I could be sooo cool...not my words but theirs...or most recently I am an anomoly! That's generally when the tables turn...such as a booty call... if we agree that this is all this is...the guy ends up catching feelings and asking me, what are we doing and I can't do this anymore and wah wah wah!

I say all this to say...clearly there are no strict rules, there is no REAL right or wrong and if what you were doing isn't working try something else maybe...but if you are who you are be that and eventually you will find your match...it's like some guys like aggressive women who will approach them and some don't...it is the law of the land... and in truth everyone is different...so all you can really do is think like yourself.

Keepin It 100!

2011-07-20T12:11:00.000-07:00

Why is it, that when you tell, a girl about her man, or the man she likes, or the man she really wants to be with. She gets mad at you.

But the kicker is, when they are not in the situation, they stomp up and down the street how they want you to tell them, and how you wouldn't be a friend if you didn't and Blah Blah Blah.

Truth is they don't wanna know, I have been burnt too many times to name, and it aint happnin again. Listen it's not my fault, and this man is out here playin you like a violin, and when you ask if it's true, do you really think he's gonna tell you the truth.

That's like trying to get a man to admit he cheated on you. You know in your heart its true but you just need to hear it from him. Why, not like your gonna go anywhere, your gonna stay your ass right there lovin that man and ailienating your friend who told he was a snake in the first place.

Now don't get me wrong not all men are snakes and maybe he's just not that into you, and maybe you thought something was there that wasn't, cause you know us. We can make up some shit! He said I'd make a great mother. He didn't say you would be a great mother to his kids. He just said you would be a good mom, one day to some body.

I know one thing. If I know you, please don't take it personal, but I will never in my entire life, speak on your man, I don't care if I see him fucking in the streets I will not say a word. What I will do is let him know I see him, and if he decides to bring me up. Then you know something is wrong. Other than that. I will not throw my self under that bus any more.

On a side note. At what point did we get so desperate to have a man that we fight each other for him. If a man is cheating on you it's his fault not hers. Why are you yelling at her and getting pissed, and the fact that you two are fighting each other over him. Makes you both desperate, I mean is his dick that good. Does the sun rise and set in it. Come on ladies we can do better than that. Maybe it's time you start thinking out side of the box, start thinking of other racial possiblities because this ish has been going on for too damn long.

Well all I know is no one has to worry about me so called ruining there good thing ever again. I am done, finished, finito,. And all too many times I have seen her choose him and leave the friend who told in the dust, for trying to be a good friend.... I am a firm believer that people have to learn lessons for themselves even if the lesson is tuff, and it usually is.

Wow I have come so far/ A lil peek into my past!

2011-07-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

Every now and again I like to read things I wrote... I'm not a big journal keeper and this blog I think is journal... but every now and then... i do take time to write my feelings down... I was going through some old files on my computer and ran across a letter I wrote myself a few years ago...I was really amazed to see how much had changed... and how much writing had helped me leave it all behind...! I wanted to share the letter!

A Open Letter

Dear Nikea,

Sometimes, you let things get in the way of your happiness. How do you keep that happiness constant! Is there something physical that can make you happy, or should you just be happy in general. Everyone has bad days, but there are people who's days are worse than yours. Should you forget about your day and think about how bad their day is? Or mourn your day, so you can move past it?I am a liar, and have been lying to everyone for a while, things are not great, I am not happy and I am hurting, hurting bad, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it right now. This is the first time I have felt like a human since finding out I had cancer. I watched Richard Pryor say, after a burn victim is burned, they have no feelings and then one day.

All the feelings come out in the wash. Literally, he was sitting in a tub being washed and he said it was the most indescribable pain he had ever felt. However, that was the first time he had felt anything since being burned.That's how I feel now. It has almost been 3 years and I have not felt anything, until I was put in the proverbial tub, now the pain is unbearable, but I guess I have to have it to get out on the other end, and it takes time for wounds to heal, but eventually my scars will fade and I will look like a person again! One thing I know for certain, is that I am forever changed.The guts it is taking right now to admit to being a liar is hard, and even harder to feel weak in front of people who think you have been so strong. As I know none of you have asked for it. I feel it my duty in some weird way to make you feel better about it. The fact is I am still alive and kicking, I fought a dastardly disease, that could have taken my life.

However, I personally have not Dealt with it. Now it's taking over the laughter and smiles and saying deal with me! So I must. Well here I am, revealing the most intimate parts of me to friends and strangers. If you see me next time and my smile is not so bright don't fret, my burns are healing, and my muscles will get stronger, so I can smile again!As I know this is not your fight,or your problem to deal with. I just thought it would help you better understand where I was coming from and what I am going through.

I love you!

Nikea

Feast or Famine

2011-07-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

I think we have all heard the old saying feast or famine... when it comes to men...either you have too much or not at all...but geez I'm like a starving child in Uganda over here...I 'm serious...this is the time for summer lovin and where's my lovin? Huh in my Jhudd/Effie voice...what about what I need...what about meeee!

I guess it is what it is...maybe I am not putting out the summer lovin vibe...or maybe my vibe is too desperate...I mean any way you look at it...it aint happnin and it aint been happnin for a minute...I know I know...I am the only one that was invited to my pitty party, but I am sure some of you feel the same way. There are certain things that come with being young and sprite...frolic's at the beach, kissing under the stars...blah blah blah...I can't remember the last time I did that...well I guess it is meant for memories for now.

I'm not sure what I can do to change my odds but I guess I will just have to see how it goes...Summer has just started and I got a bit to go...so maybe I am speaking to soon...but I'm putting it out there...summer fling thing to thee I sing...I'd like a boo...for now ooooo oooo oooo! Hey it works when I sing to the parking angels...LOL!

I wish the same for you if that's what you would like as well. Summer flings are what summer is about...so I hope we all feast on the fun, sun, love, hugs, kisses, and disses...cause when summer's over who know's what could happen.!