sexgenderbody - There is no "should"

Powerful video from one woman to her rapist father

arvan — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 17:27:48 +0000

I saw this yesterday and it struck a nerve. I was assaulted once and she was for years. Her voice and all voices are welcome here...always.

Is that the royal "we" in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

arvan — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 20:26:23 +0000

"We need to..."

When I see that in a sentence, I really wonder if there is in fact, a "we". Did some group of any number of people at all (2+...) actually agree that the speaker can / does speak for all parties? Sometimes there is and sometimes not.

For the same reasons that one person speaking about another group of people is most likely inaccurate and informed by that person's subjective views, speaking for a group of people is not reliable as fact.

In the times where there is no actual agreement for "we" speaking by one person, I don't know if it helps. It sounds better to say "we", right? I mean, if all of "us" think X, then I am right by saying X...right? That seems to be the implication.

If this happens, and I'm not saying that it always is the case, but just looking at the times when "we" is assumed or employed without stated permission / agreement (never mind that agreement is not static and people can be halfway through hearing an agreed statement and find themselves in personal disagreement because they disagree with it now), does it end up helping that individual's communication?

The answer is that it might or might not.

I can't even begin to list the infinite scenarios of using "we" without prior consent / agreement, but I do want offer it up as a consideration. Further and what I find value in, is asking myself, what can be gained or lost by stating one's own view as simply that?

The answer to that can lead me to choosing either option. No single answer here, either.

In fact, the only solid conclusion I can come to in the question of whether or not to use "we" when stating one's own opinion is that there is no single right answer.

Considering all of this, I really have begun to question any statement with "we" in it.

Bekhsoos: Queer and Feminist Arab Magazine is Back!

Bekhsoos — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:35:18 +0000

One of our main objectives was to keep Bekhsoos operating on a voluntary basis. We resisted seeking funding and forcing achievements. Our aspiration was and continues to be the sustainability of the platform free of any coercion or profit.

The team mainly consists of a bunch of friends, colleagues and some exes and enemies. When the energy is rising, we all push each other up! But when it drops, we all pull each other down… and when we hit rock bottom we fail to see the amount of work we do along with its magnitude. We often tire of our daily tasks. We often forget how awesome Bekhsoos is. Bekhsoos has transcended the boundaries of your average online magazine. It has evolved from being Meem’s baby to a creative global commons, shared by all those who contributed to it by writing, editing, designing, sharing it on Facebook and Tweeting about it but most importantly it creates a sense of belonging among those who read it, interacted with it, felt it, cried or laughed at it, and those who surfed the pages and quickly rushed to delete their browsing history.

For that purpose specifically, this team fears the only Boss they answer to. We fear of committing any wrong-doing for “Bekh”, its readers and its history.

So here’s to a new Bekhsoos! Here’s to its emancipation from its weekly routine schedule! For now you must visit its page every day to indulge on the latest blog posts, articles and various works that will be listed under the following categories:

- Gender & Sexuality: covering diverse aspects of sex, body, sexuality and gender; and the complex relationships between individuals and groups within these subjects.

- Activism: includes queer political analysis, especially those relevant to the Arab region, along with the latest news and activities of Arab and International queer and civil groups.

- Health & Well-being: covering subjects related to sexual, mental, psychological and physical health. - Security & Violence: contains diverse recommendations and subjects related to activists’ and individuals’ security, in addition to public security of organizations and groups be it online or in the field. It also covers the declared and undeclared forms of violence subjected to individuals and societies on various levels and approaches to analyze, confront and destruct them.

- Dailies & Diaries: people’s stories have been the building blocks for Meem and Bekhsoos. We strongly believe that documenting our lives and our existence is our most powerful tool against discrimination, oppression and marginalization.

- Misqueerious (Queer miscellaneous): a collection of words sprung into poetry, narratives, art, funnies and everything else. And of course Bekhsoos is not letting go of its infamous dirty laundry hanging portal “Bayneh w Baynik”. It is now more accessible than ever through its own Tumblr, wait for it:

fuckyeaharabqueers.tumblr.com

Fancy.

Bekhsoos is yours, and yours truly. It’s published from, for and through our region, where the recent winds of change have brought magnificent and revolutionary days that will keep blossoming for years to come. The time has come to write, draw, design graphics and shoot videos. There is so much we can do together! Knowledge production can be achieved through a platform such as Bekhsoos and it is one of the simplest yet most important and necessary means.

Share with us the news from your Lesbian, Gay, Transsexual and Queer groups in your country, city, neighborhood, university, place of work and active groups you belong to. Send us the latest news, cover the ongoing activities and developments that speak to you on a political, economic, social, sexual and gender level, even if they do not particularly concern queerness and homosexuality. Express your opinion in what’s revolving around you and around the world. Tell us your life story or share incidents that happened to you, or an interesting conversation with a friend over a cup of coffee. Perhaps you would like to share a comment on an article you read recently or how it felt the last time you had sex or abstained from it!

Writing is the primary political act that makes us aware of our ability to exist, think and make change happen! Use Bekhsoos to be read and heard and to encourage those you know to be queer or identifying with an alternative sexual orientation, or even perhaps not. Let them write and send their various and diverse contributions in all languages.

Bekhsoos is yours and yours truly. Send us your contributions to: editor@bekhsoos.com

Call for Applications: 5th CSBR Sexuality Institute 2012 (Deadline May 20!)

Bekhsoos — Wed, 09 May 2012 07:10:38 +0000

The 5th CSBR Sexuality Institute 2012 will be taking place on September 18-23, 2012, in Alexandria, Egypt. Deadline for Submissions: May 20, 2012.

As the only international network working on sexual and bodily rights in Muslim societies, CSBR has succeeded in creating an alternative discourse and progressive spaces in the Middle East, North Africa, South Asia and Southeast Asia. The CSBR Sexuality Institute brings together leading sexual and reproductive rights activists, academics and researchers. Held previously in in Turkey (2009), Indonesia (2010), and Malaysia (2008/2011), with participants from 23 countries throughout Asia, Africa and the Middle East, the institutes include lectures, group work, round-tables, panels, site visits and film screenings, as well as a methodology to engage participants’ own experiences around sexuality.

Designed as an intensive six-day participatory group training, the Institute will be limited to 20-22 participants. Do you have a minimum of 2 years experience working in the field of sexual and reproductive health and rights? Are you committed to undertake efforts to promote sexual and bodily health and rights at national and international level? Do you represent an organization/institution engaged in sexual and reproductive health and rights advocacy, research or fieldwork? Please submit this form online and send a C.V. to coordinator[at]csbronline.org by May 20 2012.

Dear Ann Romney

Tue, 08 May 2012 17:23:20 +0000

Dear Ann Romney,

Hello! Recently you have been out in the public telling folks that you understand the struggles of women. Women in America that are not you.That you love the mother that has no choice but to work. Your quote does not seem any better in context. And yet, in your national tour, you still do not understand me.

You and me, we have some things in common. We are both women in America. We both suffer the indignities of living in a culture that is still short of valuing either of us as equals. We are both mothers in a culture that does not value the work of raising our young.

We have less in common than you think.

As a disabled mother, the culture questions whether or not I can be a good mother, or should even try. Disabled women are still, to this day, sterilized against their will, or forced to give up their children for adoption. We are often forced to prove that we will be adequate mothers.

As a poor mother, I am blamed for my poverty and told I was irresponsible to even have children. And no, you cannot understand how it feels to have the water shut off as you are drawing a bath for your baby, and wondering if you should skip the bath and save the water for making formula in case you cannot get your water access back. It was not as if I decided I would be a poor mom raising poor babies. That is not how it happens. You have not ever dealt with the indignatities of seeking out help, nor then tied to hide the fact that you are getting help from everyone else. Nor have you dis-invited someone from your home because in his fevered mind it was okay to sit in your living room and rant about welfare queens!

As a white mother, you, I and our children are granted privileges by society. But are you agonizing over making sure your children truly understood the consequences of race in America? Do you deliberately live in a non-white neighborhood so your children will be better adjusted regarding race than you were? Are you constantly working with them so that they are not more white blights on this society and culture?

As the mother of daughters, it is imperative that I teach my girls how to interact with a world that is hostile to them by default. They have to know how to recognize and deal with sexism when they see it. They need to know how our culture treats rape and rape victims. Do your kids need this armor?

As a bisexual mother, I am acutely aware of the bigotry that LGBTQAI kids face in their day to day lives. Mrs. Romney, do you ever wonder if your kids are going to get beaten over who they may love? Maybe you may share a few of my concerns as a poly mother, given your church's history on marriage. Hell, often people mistake polyamory for polygamy although one is simply uncommon, the other illegal.

You do not know what it is like for the state to screw with you month to month on how much medical care, food, or straight up cash you need to live. But you will tell people that it is too much. Living off of investment dividends is not the same thing. Just stop that ignorant nonsense.

We are what we are. There is no inherent shame in being born well to do and continuing with your well to do life. When you say that your experiences parallel the experiences of others you have never even truly seen, let alone spoken to - you are lying. And there is shame in that.

I do not know you or your life, and I do not claim to know. You, however, gleefully act like you are intimately familiar with my life, and I want you to back the hell off of it.

Most sincerely,

PatientC

Opiate Crackdown... Again.

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 19:59:57 +0000

So the New York Times has written about the newest opiate prescription crackdown. This will come as no surprise, but a deep burden, to pain patients everywhere. Like life with the kind of pain that gets opiate attention is not already hard enough.

I know that my life is not indicative of all lives, and that my experience is not universal. But it is already hard enough, dammit. I already have to schedule, attend, and pay for doc visits I do not need (as opposed to the many I do need) in order to "check in" on my pain script. I have already mentioned several times that it is no longer cutting it, and we are going to have to find something better that still leaves some upward mobility in this area for the rest of my life.

That is part of what I mean when I say it is already more difficult than it should be. I have to plan to be in pain for the rest of my life. Imagine that, if it is not your life: you can never, ever have a pain free day. Not once can you ever go to sleep thinking that tomorrow will be better. That maybe, one day, you will find a way to not actively suffer throughout your day.

Just think about that for a minute.

So, your pain is incurable, but "manageable" through drugs. Opiates. And at every turn, it feels like someone is trying to remove the one thing that makes your daily activities possible. That allows you to not spend your day curled up in a ball, in tears, on the bed you rarely leave now.

Also: no one believes you. No one truly has a hint of a clue as to what life is like in your chronic pain body. And they simply cannot fathom the amount of pain one human being can feel and still be here, still be trying to function, still be trying to make some thing of their life. And they cannot imagine that one may need an evil, addictive opiate to manage. They do not understand the difference between addiction and dependence. Hell, a lot of detox programs do not understand that difference.

So sure, they may catch some people abusing the system. And some doctors may, from what was in the article, find some other, maybe even more effective treatments for a few. But what this really means is that a lot of law abiding patients are going to be in a lot more pain in the name of... Hell, I am not even sure. It will not matter to those patients. It does not matter to me. I just want someone to have an idea of the hell that some people are going go through in the name of it.

Gimpy Gamer: Leela

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 04:23:14 +0000

Does a meditation game really work?

I just played Deepak Chopra's Leela on an XBox 360 Kinect And I think it works.

Leela is kind of a experiment, in my view, an attempt to game-ify meditation practices. There are sections that are more active, Play, and more introspective, Reflect. Completing levels unlocks new ones, and the ones completed become deeper upon replay.

The active parts of the game focus on isolated body movements in Movements and then combined movements in Sequence. Minion One made fun of my hip wiggling, but that was alright.

One of the only problems with the game is that if the Kinect loses track of you, the game does not recognize it. When I started Stillness I had to grab my mat and cushions, and then the game bugged a bit, losing me and not giving me control hands on the screen to choose the next section. So I bumped out and restarted the game...

The Kinect/XBox menus only intrude at the storage device menu. Otherwise the game creates and sustains a very peaceful, but focused mood. I have duplicated the menu choices here for you so you can get a good look before you decide whether or not to play. I think it is a success, and it my hope to get it out and play it a couple of times a week.

Oh, and on a personal note: I found it easier to get the family to respect meditation time and space if I take over the living room to do it and there are visuals and sound. Something that they could see and hear that delineated a personal time and space bubble. That may have something to do with having greater success.

The game has gentle, spoken guidance from Chopra himself. There is also a female voice that is equally effective. The reminders and help are sometimes a little creepy in their prescience. By that I mean that shortly after my shoulders had started to slump at one point, I think, I heard a reminder to keep them natural and correct.

(Notes on access and ability follow below game sections.)

~~~

Main:

Play, Reflect, Options

Note: there is often a Learn option which will repeat to you whatever instructions were needed the first time through.

Play:

Movements, Sequence, Mandala (which you can share on Facebook)

Movements:

Origin, Life, Power, Love, Harmony, Intuition, Unity

Sequence:

Basic, Foundation, Heart, Ethereal, Wholeness, Guru, Leela

Reflect:

Stillness, Oracle, Ambient

Stillness:

Guided Meditation, Breath Practice, Silent Meditation

Guided Meditation:

Begin, Flow, Energize, Open, Connect, Vision, Be

~~~

Gimpy Access:

Obviously, a completely able bodied gamer is going to get the most out of this game. However, as long as you have some limb use you can use LeeLa. If you cannot stand, you can still enjoy and use the half of the game labeled Reflect for meditation.

Some folks with chronic muscle/joint pain may find the Play section eases that for a short while - it does for me, at times. Although, you have to be at a certain ability level to even try to get that relief...

Controller use is limited to the standard choosing a profile and saved game destination.

The game is captioned.

Overall, this is one of the more accessible XBox 360 Kinect games I have played.

If I have missed an access point, please let me know and I will address it as best I can!

Dear Bill Maher

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 13:08:14 +0000

Dear Bill Maher:

Fuck you.

Wait, perhaps I should explain. On your HBO series, Real Time with Bill Maher, episode 238, after your opening monologue, you conducted an interview with Dr. Drew Pinsky.

For the most part, it was the standard off-and-on funny middling self-help celebrity interview. I had some hope that this would be good stuff when Pinsky called "bullshit" right away on some of the standard thought processes regarding celebrities and addition. Even better, when you both touched on how street drugs seem to, regarding addition in general, have different, less fatal outcomes than prescription drug addition. This is not part of current common wisdom and needs more discussion and scrutiny. I thought it was useful that you two delved into why celebrity addiction deaths seem to follow a pattern regarding "downers." It was really poignant when you two mentioned that sleep is the one thing that no one, no matter what their wealth and status, can order up on demand (particularly once one has built up a resistance to Benzodiazepines , etc...).

But you and Dr. Pinsky talked a bit about painkillers, and you went so far off the rails you crashed the train in to the station. You quoted a statistic stating that while USians are a small percent of the world population, we use 56 percent of the painkillers and asked "What is it about Americans that we cannot cope with pain?"

Deep breath, here we go...

So just starting out you make a gross generalization (and I do mean gross) and make me wonder what the hell is wrong with you. You give that statistic without citation, and with a number of assumptions. Have you even thought about what may be contributing to that statistic? That perhaps, with our extended lifespans that people are living longer in bodies that become more and more prone to conditions that cause pain? That there are numerous conditions out there that can not be cured, used to be fatal, but now are at least partially manageable and that one of the things that needs to be managed is often pain?

What is really important here is that you are feeding a stereotype of Americans using painkillers that itself can be deadly. Chronic pain is a vicious thing that uncoils into every aspect of your life, poisoning it. It does not just harm, it kills. Chronic pain kills enjoyment. Chronic pain kills serenity. Chronic pain kills relationships. Chronic pain kills self esteem and self reliance. Chronic pain drives people to suicide.

Do you have any idea how many people I hear from that live their lives in more pain than necessary, not out of deprivation but because of the stigma of pain killers? It is all I can do to not stop right now and sob just at the thought of the needless pain that I personally know is out there this morning. I am now, right now, needlessly suffering because my current pain killer and dose is no longer effective, but I just do not want to wrestle with my health care network. I just do not have the mental and emotional stamina to face being treated like a criminal because I have the misfortune to have a body that hurts.

Mr. Maher, please quit feeding the stereotype. There is genuine suffering out there, in here, that should not exist. If nothing else, in this modern age, we out to be able to alleviate suffering. Our willingness to do so is part of our measure as human beings.

I will toast you, Mr. Maher, the next time I take my nearly criminalized, carefully measured and monitored, and now rapidly approaching useless pain killer dose. If you cannot speak of those in pain or chronic pain with some humanity, compassion, and education, then please do not speak of us at all.

she/it

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:02:08 +0000

Originally posted on (in)visible

i've had some time to reflect on my recent positive experience with the word "it" used as a pronoun for me. i've done a lot of thinking and talking about this, trying to make sense of it.

First off, the context was really important; hopefully this fact is obvious. i was in a conversation with some (self-identified) middle-aged cisgender lesbians. they'd approached me and asked me about the possibility of non-binary genders. They asked me, a decisively visibly queer person, in an incredibly respectful and interested way. One of them said, " When we first saw you, we weren't sure if you were a boy or a girl... and I liked that; I didn't care. I told my partner, 'He's attractive. She's attractive. It's attractive."

As i was correcting her out of habit, i realized that in that moment "it" felt right. "It" felt right in a way i'd never felt before. i know that the queer people closest to me get my unique and personal conception of my gender but, beyond that tiny circle of folks, i feel that some part of myself is rendered invisible. i'm either a man to people, which is way the fuck off, or "just a woman," or even "just a trans-woman."

So, in that moment, "it" felt right. Again, it was the respectfulness that made this work for me; and i've totally gone off at people for using it disrespectfully. i was initially uncomfortable with this realization because of past experiences and other queer folks' stories of "it" being used violently or to dehumanize. But this was not that type of malicious usage at all. Her use of both "he" and "she" before her use of "it" implies that she respected my humanity before engaging my Otherness.

Obviously "it" is non-gendered. i like that. i like that "it" doesn't impose a gendered reading on me. Unlike "ze/hir" or "they," which imply gender neutrality, the word "it" leaves room for my gender. "It" doesn't force me to be "between" or "outside;" it is merely non-gendered.

Also, excitingly, "it" isn't even a pronoun at all. i've been trying to re-define my understanding of gender; trying to step outside the binary. A i feel like i don't fall "between genders on a spectrum," although this is absolutely spectacular for folks who do. i am something different altogether. This is not to say that i don't have or do gender. i do. Frankly, i'm heavily gendered. It's just a unique understanding of gender.

Because of this, using a pre-existing framework for discussing or describing my gender doesn't work; especially in this linguistic context. "It" isn't a pronoun, so unlike gender neutral pronouns, "it" doesn't try to squeeze me into a social construct that i simply don't fit in. Let's face it, these gender neutral pronouns, because of the way they are used, call on us to utilize an established understanding of gender to then understand an individual's relationship to the larger gendered structure. Again, this is fine and dandy for a lot of folks, and that's great, i just can't be and don't want to be understood in that way.

"It" is also commonly used to describe non-human creatures. People often refer to pets as "it," for example - and this never seems to bother anyone at all. Somehow non-humans are largely exempt from our culture's impositional gender construction. i want this exemption to extend to my queer-creature self.

My partner shared a thought with me along these lines that i like a lot. They said they liked that "it" didn't place people above other animals. i like that sentiment very much. This is a holistic and cleansing outlook. This is an outlook that allows me to perceive my gender not only as reshaping myself, but as reshaping my relationship to the world, and hopefully, in reshaping that world in the process.

"It" also doesn't have to refer to a living entity at all. "It" can be an event or an object or anything else. "It" is non-judgmental. "It" is fluid. "It" is universal. i particularly like the idea of being an event - or a series of events. i like that i can just be what i am, for a moment in time, without lugging around a cumbersome identity. i can move with a freedom as an "it" that i can't as a "she," a "he," or even a "ze." i can move with a freedom beyond pronouns and beyond gender.

i also think that it's so perfectly appropriate that "it" can feel, for me, both like the most respectful and understanding reference to myself and also one of the most hurtful and ignorant. Gender is a locus of both beauty and pain, so why not a pronoun to match?

i do, for now, want to continue to honor my femininity and the aspects of myself that do happen to align with the social construction of gender. Also, as separate as i often feel from the society in which i live, i am and want to be a member (in some ways at least). i want to retain that membership by using a recognized pronoun as well. So i don't think that i will be "it" all the time. i think i'll be a "she/it" (yes, in that order). And i'll only be an "she/it" with people who get what that means, which, frankly means that i'll still mostly be a "she," and i am great with that. And even to queer people that get it, i'll be a "she in public for both safety and reasons of precedent; god forbid folks who don't understandstart to think that's ok.

i'm sure i will keep thinking about and writing about this one for quite some time. i've also been reminding myself not to get too caught up in pronouns - they are, at the end of the day pronouns and not identity as a whole. one could very easily neglect key aspects of self by focusing only on pronouns. i do think, though, that pronouns can provide a lens through which to view (aspects) of identity. My shifting comfort levels with different pronouns strongly implies a shifting sense of self. A sense of self that is ever more comfortable and continuously my very own.

plain donuts and the normalization of normalization

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 02:34:39 +0000

Originally posted on (in)visible

       Today at work—i work at a coffee shop—someone asked me for a donut. However, she (i read her as a she, and will own that) didn’t simply as for “a donut.” She asked for “a plain donut.” This is where the challenge ensued.

       Now, i knew exactly which donut she wanted. There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in my mind, and, for the record, i ended up being right. But i have a bone to pick with the concept of “plain/normal/regular.” Fortunately, in my line of work, there are literally hundreds of opportunities to pose challenges to this way of thinking.

       So i drug the moment out. It could have been over in a flash of money and smiles; i could have sent her on her merry way quite easily. But i chose not to. i pretended not to know what she meant. “Which one?” i asked.

       “The plain one,” she repeated herself as if the issue were one of decibel level instead of clarification.

       “i don’t know what’s ‘plain’ to you, that’s very subjective,” i began playfully. “This one is covered in powdered sugar, is it ‘plain?’ What about the frosted ones, those look pretty ‘plain’ to me. Then, of course, you’d have to choose what’s more ‘plain,’ black or white?” i framed with a wry smile.

       i posed these questions in a friendly way, both because i wanted to keep my job and because i wanted her to be receptive to the lesson i was trying to teach. That said, i waited until she gave me an adjective that was actually descriptive of what she wanted and not laden with normalizing values (she chose, “the one that is just cake, with nothing on it)”before i gave her the donut she wanted.

       This wasn’t just to be rude, and i really do think that she was receptive. But the pervasiveness of this idea of “plainness” or “regularity” is incredibly frustrating, especially as a trans person in the service industry. There’s an assumption of a standard from which all things deviate.

       At the café where i work alone there are so many manifestations of this logic structure. There are “plain” croissants, which are cast as having no flavor when compared to their almond and chocolate neighbors. But, in reality, they taste like butter. They too have a flavor, but this flavor goes unacknowledged. Butter is apparently the whiteness, the straightness, the cisness of flavor. It is the flavor against which other flavors are measured, thus it is allowed to remain invisible.

       There are “muffins” and “vegan muffins.” In this case, the dairy content of the former category is obscured in an invisible language of normalcy. The vegan muffins are linguistically rendered as different, that which requires a modifier, while the dairy muffins are allowed to remain the unquestionably Normal muffin.

       The problem here goes beyond difficulties in communication. There are so many repeat interactions in the coffee industry that one quickly learns exactly what people mean when they use certain phrases, regardless of whether or not these phrases are accurate or descriptive. Further, i’m a relatively savvy individual and can usually discern meaning, if only by utilizing clarification questions.

       The issue here is that the process of normalization is itself normalized. People often perceive certain choices or characteristics to be neutral, rather than perceiving whatever choice or characteristic to be merely one on a spectrum. Other choices or characteristics are then, by necessity, labeled as deviating from a norm as opposed to just being one of many possibilities.

       This perfectly mirrors identity based normalization processes within macro-culture. Beyond the café, (and frankly, within it as well) these processes result in the largely unacknowledged dis/privileging of various identity categories. Categories that are constructed as normal are privileged while those deemed other than normal are assigned various adjectives, rendered visible, and denied certain privileges in the process.

       i would argue that this not only mirrors broader normalization processes, but reinforces them by making the process itself seem more normal and more innocuous. What’s the harm of asking for a “regular coffee?” Nothing really, at least not outside of any sort of social context. Although, as a note, people who don’t drink caffeine often have incredibly limited options at cafés, and while that sucks i wouldn’t necessarily characterize it as oppression. But again, the process here is parallel. At the end of the day although the phrase “regular coffee” is not necessarily playing into a (dis)privilege power dynamic, it normalizes the idea that there is a normal.

       If there is a normal for everyday items, then normal becomes an everyday word. It’s meaning, and all of the problematic nuance behind it, is obscured by the sheer amount that it is used. Normalizing normalcy in this way makes it easier to cast other things as normal, easier to understand the world as full of things that are either regular or irregular.

       Because this is both an easy way to construct things and is rendered invisible as a process due to the frequency of its use, normalization has become something that, not only do people participate in without realizing it, they also become relatively incapable of understanding the process itself. This is kind of like how it’s hard to truly be aware of air, because we breathe it and are surrounded by it. This is true in my experience at least, insofar as it is difficult to help people to understand how normalization processes happen, how frequent and consistent they are, and how they impact people who are constructed as not normal.

       That said, i have also noticed that once people get it, they really do seem to get it. For example, i was having a conversation with my mom about normalization, one of many. One day i broke down the example of “ethnic food,” and she really seemed to get it. Since that conversation, other conversations related to the idea of normalization have become much easier. It’s like there’s a normalization map onto which other various processes can be superimposed and more easily understood.

       This is not to say that there isn’t nuance between normalization processes. But it does seem to be easier to see where it is happening once the concept is cohered. Inspiring and cohering this concept is what i hope to achieve in attempting to render the process more visible in my day-to-day life. i hope that people will realize that their actions and choices are not normal, they are just on an array of possible actions and choices. i hope that this understanding will grow to a realization that they themselves are not normal, but are one of an infinite array of possible people.

       Further, i hope that they will realize that when they play into a normalization process they are participating in the continuous creation of society, a society that other people have to negotiate. i hope that they realize that their constructions of normativity have very real implications for others’ lives, implications that are often difficult and problematic. i hope that they realize that this is not just about a donut, but is about identity and visibility and oppression.