sexgenderbody - There is no "should"

Call for Artists: SexGenderBody Banner Project

arvan — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:11:56 +0000

Hi all. It's time to replace the banner on the top of this website. My daughter and I put the current one together over lunch at the beach. I think it's done an OK job, but it really doesn't represent as many sex / gender / body conversations as I would like it to do.

I would like an image that reflects the multiplicity of topics: sex, gender, body, disability, age, transsexual, transgender, crossdresser, genderqueer..., transhuman, fetish, kink, feminism, sex work, rights, advocacy, activism, body shape, body image, LGBTQI, polyamory, prudism, asexuality, hetero / cis and anything else that involves individual identity.

I had a couple ideas, like three water faucets each marked sex / gender / body to illustrate the fluidity of self identity conversations. I also thought of a row of silhouettes of people in different body shapes. Really, whatever you want to contribute is going to be your best work.

My problem: I am not a graphic artist. Not even close.

Since this is a community, collaborative blog - a wonderful expression of that is to open this design up for people to contribute. I am going to figure out how to automatically rotate the images with each refresh of the web page. User images from the community will now greet all viewers to the site.

So, if you want to take a whack at it, then send it along.

Here is what we need:

Image dimensions = 965 x 70 pixels

Image format = .png or .jpg

sexgenderbody.com is free to use the image without fees or restrictions.

Nothing illegal: bestiality, pedophilia, etc.

Here's what you get:

Your image will be added to the list of displayed header images, to be rotated with all the others.

Your name and image displayed on a page that lists the artists / contributors of all header images.

Your site added to our blogroll.

Here is a link to the image we currently use, if you want to download it and measure for yourself inside your own graphics program.

Send your images to me here at admin@sexgenderbody.com. I will try to load them and let you know if they work. I may ask you to adjust something if they're too bright / dark or too faint or some other minor issue. If you have questions, shoot me an email. I love to hear from people and will gladly chat back and forth while you figure out what you would like to offer.

-arvan

March is Women's History Month: Native American Women

LaPrincipessa — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:22:33 +0000

Photo: PhotoWest.Org

Enough with the privileged white women. In North West United States, Native American history and tradition is especially present, as there were many tribes in the area up until fairly recent in historic context. A list of well known Pacific Northwest tribes can be found here on the Library of Congress website.

I have found it supremely difficult to find information about historically significant (text book ), Native American, women. Of course there is the famous Sacajawea who was the ~~slave~~ wife of white explorer/fur trapper Toussaint Charbonneau, whose party accompanied the Lewis and Clark expedition. Sacajawea acted at times as a sort of field guide to the expedition, as she was originally born in modern day Idaho but lived in Nebraska after being kidnapped, bought and sold as part of gambling debt to who would become her "husband". She is honored across the country for her courage, independence and as a beacon of freedom (?) to women in the suffrage movement and beyond. Of course, when she was honored with her image emblazoned on a coin, she was pictured holding her half-white son.

But I digress.

Maybe this post should be about the dissimulation and ruination by white settlers and several generations of Americans of Native American Tribes and enslavement of millions of Native women and children who had no means to fight back.

Women's History is not just about Women who fought for other white women's rights, but should include those who have have no voice yet made real differences in their communities. Women whose accomplishments were felt during their time but weren't written down or made famous by bold settlers. Women who were never noticed because they were of what has been deemed a subordinate culture or "race".

More so than any group of people in the history of the United States have Native Americans and particularly Native American women been left out of the history books. That is a shame. As one website noted:

Anglo culture did not comprehend the honor, status, and wealth accorded Native American women for their industry and expertise. Nor did they recognize the less visible powers that women held - those of arranging marriages, consulting on peace and war, leading special ceremonies and directing tribe movements.

This is especially important considering the battle women of my generation wage against social constructs, gender roles and sexual scripts that define women within the Judeo/Christian model.

Native American women were leaders and rulers, recognized for their capabilities such as men are recognized in our society today.

One such "famous" Native American Woman rarely spoken of is Gertrude Simmons Bonnin, born in 1875. She was a reformer, writer, poet and leader of the community. She documented and stood up for Native women and children.

She wanted to become a professional writer but was also interested in music. In following this latter interest, she studied at the Boston Conservatory and went to Paris in 1900 as a chaperone and leader with the Carlisle Band. She became an excellent violinist and enjoyed playing the instrument as a hobby. She also composed an Indian opera based upon the Plains Sun Dance. Harper's published tow of her stories at the turn of the century, and three of her autobiographical essays appeared in the Atlantic Monthly. In 1901, her first book, Old Indian Legends, appeared and received a cordial reception.

By this time, Zitkala-sa was back on the reservation, where in 1902 she married a Sioux employee of the U.S. Indian Service, Raymond T. Bonnin; they had one male child. That same year the couple moved to the Uintah and Ouray Reservation in Utah, where they lived for the next 14 years, and where she worked as a teacher for the Indian Service. In 1911 she became active in the Society of American Indians, an organization of educated Native Americans dedicated to the improvement of the conditions of their people. The group was basically interested in the integration and assimilation of the Indian, favoring equal rights for all people, and strongly opposed to the continuance of the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

A leader in education, arts, and politics- as a Native American Woman, that is a great accomplishment.

LaPrincipessa | twitter: @sophiabiabia | sophiabiabia@gmail.com

(Posted at Women Undefined)

March is Women's History Month - Days 12, 13 & 14 Ads Then and Now: How Far We've Come

LaPrincipessa — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:14:15 +0000

I have been doing a lot of decompressing this past week due to some major changes in my personal life. Because of these changes, I have been reading a lot of actual books (well, looking at the pictures at least), including this really weird and interesting "housewives and art", coffee table , picture book I found at my mom's house. It prompted me to find some of the same type of photos online, what I found was more than interesting.

These advertisements from the 40's and 50's really show how society viewed women and what a woman's perceived role in the home , politics and media really was. In some ways , these ads portray norms that the women's movement have almost obliterated, but in too many cases these advertisements would most likely be just as effective today with a little HD/online updated graphics.

Take a look, what do you think?

What is this photo's message? Well, its clear that Coca Cola is targeting white, middle class women. Second, she is taking a break from what can be assumed to be cleaning the house as she is wearing an apron. Lastly, the text is seemingly saying "the only time she's allowed to take a break is when she's drinking Coke". If fucking sucks that I just bought a 400 case of diet Coke yesterday, because as much as this advertisement makes me want to boycott Coca Cola products I just can't waste all that scrumptious diet soda.

A 1970's ad for swimwear (obviously). Whose the ad targeting, white women (obviously) of the middle class (only middle class white girls go to the beach, obviously). Who's shocked that 40 years later, marketing clothing to women is still largely based on shape trimming and slimming ?

(crickets)

Ooooh , this one is even better! Buy this shit so men will like you! You're like a bright orange fishing lure that my dad used to buy from some peg board rack in po-dunk Wheeler, Oregon before he caught some trout for our family's dinner later that night. You know, bait! Doesn't that just make you want to buy that cute ensemble? Didn't think so.

Clean Vagina = "dainty" = sexy . Brilliant Concept.

Years and movements later there has been fairly tremendous strides made in society to renounce such blatantly sexism and demeaning messages in advertising, yet there seems to be much more really fucked up ads in modern times. The ads in print media, online and on television that may be "better" graphically speaking but still convey the same crap the ads above do.

How far we've come..? In this aspect , probably 1 step when there are millions of miles yet to cover.

LaPrincipessa | Twitter: @sophiabiabia | sophiabiabia@gmail.com

(Posted at Women Undefined)

Giving Up, Or Getting Up?

Christina Engela — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:50:53 +0000

Some people cling to emotional crutches in life because of a personal weakness, something to hold them above water, to prop them up. We all know these crutches, drugs, booze, cigarettes, religion, hobbies, obsessions. They cling to them to keep them afloat, and in the case of religion, they follow the rules, deny all their deepest wishes and needs in the hope that they will somehow score points with Management, and when they are inevitably disappointed and feeling flat, they begin to start questioning things to try and work out why they are the way they are.

"Yes I obeyed God, I did good, helped others and helped spread his word, did what a young catholic boy should do, aside from the normal mischief a normal catholic or any boy for that matter caused. And you want to know what my reward was? Set back after set back, bad luck after bad luck, while I watched as those who took the "wrong" route prosper and still to this day they prosper while I struggle."

Hands up, those who have felt like that in the past - like things are just too much and like giving up? 

I felt like that - and got beaten down still further by people who called themselves "Christians" and considered themselves good people - and me bad, for simply existing and not hating myself for it, those who told me I could not both be myself and be counted as one of them too. People who showed me that while God might be love and tolerance and peace and all those sweet slices of pie in the sky, they were not, and that this world is not. That this world is a dark place, which exists for light to shine in - and they lay claim to the light switch and jealously guard it. And that the sky is indeed the limit - a limit we struggle to reach from the earth, and when we do, we are to look down on those below us with disdain and scorn and trample their grasping hands as they try to rise above their own despair.

My legs gave in, my wings broke, my crutches failed me - I sank down onto the earth and mourned in dust and ashes. Then, when I ran out of faith I found my own strength within. It is this strength that sees me through. Determination to not give in, to not surrender.

I was down and ready to die, and I got up because I saw others needed my skills, talents and my help. I got up to help them, before I decided to help myself. In the process, I learned that I was not as bad a person as I thought I was - that I deserved the same help and consideration and value as I thought they did. In the process of helping others, I helped myself. In acting out of my own brokenness I became whole again.

It's the kind of strength and determination you find when you have hit rock bottom and you realize you could die right now - and want to, but realize that even death won't make the difference you were hoping for.

It is defiance of fate, and rejection of pre-set destiny, grasping it all with your own will and telling the universe to do what it wants, and that it doesn't matter anymore. Life is a wild animal and I am going to ride it, whether it likes it or not, whether it kills me or not - and I will see where it goes, and I will get the most out of it I can until then. It is fury and defiance and outrage and despair and hope and love, all in one.

Life is all about choices - maybe not about what happens - but in how you choose to handle it - or to survive it.

Just don't give up. Just... don't... give... up. Ever.

Nobody else can do that for you. You are powerful- that's right - YOU - because only you have the power to keep on getting up when life knocks you over - only you have the power to defy the odds - only you have the power to stand up for yourself.

What is the alternative?

Have you thought about that?

Have you?

Is lying flat on the ground, giving up, beaten, all you think it will be? Is lying under the earth going to be all you think it will be? Is giving in really a solution? Will continuing to fight really feel worse than giving in?

Will giving up, letting go and dying really feel better than living another day?

Christians sometimes quote the bible as saying "God helps those who help themselves" - what this means is, waiting for chariots sweeping down for the skies to save you while you sit in a puddle of your own mess is going to be a long wait indeed - so you might as well do what they do - make the choice to pull yourself out of it - and afterwards claim that somebody else did it for you. It works for them, apparently.

I watched my father drink himself to death. I watched him destroy his health and his family and his life because of all the hard knocks he took in life. I was with him when he breathed his last breath, thinking how different things would have been if he had made the choice to stop wallowing in self-pity and self-hate - and had instead made the choice to get up, dust himself off and look the world in the eyes. I lost a best school friend to drugs, I watched him destroy his whole being until I couldn't recognize him anymore, because he wouldn't listen - and watching was all I could do.

Who could have stopped it? God? Who other than my father had that power? Who other than my friend? Was it up to somebody else to make a choice for them? Was it up to somebody else to act on their behalf? I have too much pride to let people knock me down and to just stay down. I have too much pride to help my enemies by making their task of destroying me that much easier, that much more satisfying. God - whoever God is, may help me in some invisible, indefinable ways, to get up again - but it is up to me to want to get up. It is up to me to keep trying.

Even when you're down, there is still hope. No matter how bad things get and no matter how small a hope there is, anything is better than nothing. No matter how bad things get, they can always, AWAYS get worse. Take my word on that.

What is your problem? Respect? Work giving you a hard time? Boss hate you? Church treating you like a criminal? Love? Mom tell you to stop being such a girl? Dad beat you up again to try "make a man out of you"? Did your partner leave you or cheat on you? Kids in the street ask out loud if you are a guy or a girl? Lady at the checkout refuse to serve a dyke or make fun of your appearance? Friends hurt you or abandon you? I've had a best friend of many years abandon me and tell people he had no idea who I was, because he wasn't comfortable being associated with me as a trans woman or a gay rights activist. I don't really take friends or even family as seriously as I used to. They're nice to have around, and they're a comfort - but not a necessity anymore. In the end they leave you too, whenever it suits them to. Sometimes they come back, but in the end, you will still be alone - so you may as well learn to stand alone from the get go. People may respect you for that.

Money is not respect. Neither is power. And if people respect you for your money or your power, it isn't you they respect - but the money or the power. When you win people over who hate you for what you are or what you believe, and they still come to you to make friends - or to ask you for counsel or assistance - that is respect - and that respect is power.

You can be hurt and broken and still have all the money in the world - but it can never make you whole or buy you self-respect - or the strength to get up again. You can stand alone and be penniless, but you can still have honor and respect.

As long as you resist, as long as you keep getting up, you have strength and honor and you hold your destiny in your own hands and you can laugh in the face of the world for failing to break you yet again, for yet another day. But when you fold, when you give in - you give it to the world and it owns you.

Because, to just lie there at the feet of the world is worse than fighting back. Because just lying there is defeat. Because getting up and getting knocked flat and getting up again, as bad as it may be, is the opposite of defeat. Because I've been broken and I may still be broken, and I may be broken again, today, tomorrow or next year - but I will never give the world that satisfaction.

Just because.

It's that simple.

....So get up.

(Posted at Sour Grapes)

PTXD: Post Traumatic Sex Disorder

rabbitwhite — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 13:58:51 +0000

Because I apparently have to stop working every 15 minutes to check blogs and social networking, I found myself reading about an ex-sex-worker coming out in an interview about her experiences. The write-up was on Bust.com and the writer opened with her abhorrence at the interviewer’s ignorance, who took the typical talk-show “oh my god, people do whaaat” naivety + silent shaming approach.

Pretty typical sex-positive “the media sux” fare so far, but then the writer laid this one on us “We are expected to cheer The Good Sex Workers on because they are subverting paradigms and confounding out expectations of what a stripper is. But while the media loves this story, it marginalizes all of the women who aren’t doing sex work to put themselves through college, or to pay for art supplies. The women of color and trans women and men who are forced into prostitution or who “choose” it because of a lack of other options. I feel like the more I read and hear about privileged women who really did chose to become sex workers, the more invisible those who didn’t have such a clear choice become.”

Wow, now this was a conversation I could get behind. Er, not that I am going to, because I think that the same white, privileged women theorizing over sex-work could be seen as part of the problem. Also being an anarchist, I am not going to prescribe the easy “prostitution should be legalized” tripe, which is what I think the Bust writer was going for.

But her point, which I think was an excellent one, brought another topic to mind. I was thinking of how the writers words “forced into” could also account for women who were sexually abused and unconsciously re-playing their trauma through sex work. In this era of the feminist-sex-worker and the end of ” the courage to heal” feminism (thanks to the so called “false memory” foundation) statistics about abuse and trauma in sex workers have also become not PC or okay to focus on either.

Which brought me to something I read recently from a pro-kink, BDSM-activist. This activist was saying that people need to really give up the question of whether or not people with kinks are re-playing childhood trauma. Their stance was along the lines of, “some children who are spanked grow up to have spanking fetishes, some children who were seldom spanked grow up to have spanking fetishes and some children who were never spanked grow up to have spanking fetishes.” Therefore, this person suggested,’ so what? Stop focusing on whether or not trauma is involved.’

It seems this speaker is caught up in the stigma that comes with child abuse and scared that their sexuality won’t be seen as legitimate if it can be traced to psychological damage. But to spout this idea to your own community is to spread poison. I do agree that yeah, so what, if the person with the kink in question has already done the psychological work on themselves and knows the answers as to why. But if they haven’t, then this is an issue that does need discussed, it is a big deal.

Everyone has a responsibility to their unconscious actions, it really is common knowledge that what is not processed will get repeated. Often, it seems that this unconscious reaction only effects you, as adults we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness, health and success. However, sex is often not solo. Not only could one potentially hurt themselves by re-living hidden traumas but putting a partner into an abuser role (unconscious or not) can be very damaging.

Discovering that your sexuality is re-playing on old wounds doesn’t necessarily mean it must stop. It means psychologically unhealthy practices should stop. The sexual arena is one that operates in the unconscious and for some, working on the past through sex might be a form of healing, others may need to abstain from sex entirely. That is only up to the person in the healing position (and their therapist) to decide. So to the kink activist, yes you can explore the question of whether or not your past shaped your kink and still have a healthy kinky sexuality. In fact, exploring is the only way to a healthy sexuality of any shade.

I don’t think that just those outside “the norm” need to question their sexuality. Rather, I think that being sexually healthy means honest reflection and questioning no matter what your past or present bedroom looks like. While it is sometimes used as one, sex positivity is never an excuse to not examine your past, and healthy sexuality can only come from self-exploration.

http://www.rabbitwrite.com

Call for Submissions: FEMME 2010

arvan — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 06:12:19 +0000

Femme Collective presents
FEMME2010:
NO RESTRICTIONS
August 20th-22nd
Oakland, CA

Hello Fabulous Femmes and Allies!

The Femme Collective is proud to announce Femme2010: NO RESTRICTIONS. Building off of Femme2006 and Femme2008, Femme2010: No Restrictions (August 20-22, 2010 in Oakland, CA) continues to explore, discuss, dissect, and support Queer Femme.

The weekend will include workshops, panels, presentations, performances, film, and art. We invite people of all genders who are interested in a deeper understanding of Femme, as well as all self-identified Femmes who want to learn, teach, connect, and build community geared towards social change.

In this newsletter meet our new steering committee members, check out our Call for Submissions, learn about our registration rates, check out our host hotel!

Join us this August in Oakland for this groundbreaking event. Please forward to your personal networks and help us get the word out!

The Femme Collective

To find out more about your 2010 steering committee click here!

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

Call for Workshops, Papers, Panels, Films, Performance and Visual Art

Femme2010: No Restrictions
Oakland Marriott City Center
1001 Broadway
Oakland, California 94607
August 19th - 22nd, 2010
www.femmecollective.com

Femme2010: No Restrictions is a multi-threaded conference and forum for those who think about, talk about, and create Femme as a queer gender and identity.

Following our Femme2006 & 2008 conferences in San Francisco & Chicago, where hundreds of femmes and allies gathered for workshops, panels, films, visual art galleries and performances, we again invite community members, artists, academics, homemakers, geeks, techies, activists, femmes of all kinds, and their allies to continue the conversation by participating in Femme 2010 as presenters and participants.

We are invested in having Femme2010 continue to reflect the diversity and complexity of femme gender, identity and contributions. We hope for this conference to be a community building event, as well as an exploration and celebration of what it means to build and live queer femme identities.

Submissions of all kinds are welcome, particularly submissions by femmes. We encourage proposals by and for people of color, working-class people, fat folks, elders, youth and people with disabilities. We encourage submissions that work outside and alongside identity and gender, as well as those reflecting directly upon identity and gender. Femme2010 will continue the community dialogue from Femme2006 & 08. In particular, we hope that the intersections of femme with race, region, class, access, ability, privilege, and marginalization will be talked about, given space, meditated upon, constructed, and deconstructed. Finally, we also encourage submissions based on this year's theme: No Restrictions.

We began this conference in 2006 out of a desire to see femme explored and discussed from a variety of perspectives. We wanted a conference that held the complexities of Queer Femme as its central focus, while building community. We feel we accomplished that in 2006 & 2008 and in 2010, we want to continue to build femme community and bridges, supporting each other across borders and differences.

We hope to draw participants from across disciplinary, medium, and social boundaries. We encourage submissions from anyone interested, regardless of gender or sexual identity. We do ask that you read our mission statement before submitting.

We are soliciting contributions from anyone interested, including (but not limited to):

> workshops
> panel presentations
> performances
> research presentations
> skill shares
> activist & organizational topics
> visual art
> video or film

Submission deadline is April 15, 2010.

Please submit your proposal through the following links, located at www.femmecollective.com:

Program Submission click here

Performance Submission click here

Film Submission click here

**Please note that the more information we have on your submission, the more likely we will be able to accept your submission and include it in the conference schedule.

To learn more about us, our mission and to contact us with any questions, comments or concerns, please find us at our website: http://www.femmecollective.com

REGISTRATION OPEN

Registration is now open!

Register early to save - registration for the entire weekend is $50 right now, $75 after May 15, and $95 after July 15. Registration includes all day and evening events.

Click here to register!

CONTACT INFORMATION

Address all inquiries and media requests to: Damien Luxe and/or Allison Stelly, Media Chairs, at femmecollectivemedia@gmail.com. Your request will then be forwarded to the appropriate steering committee member for more information. Additional information is also available at www.femmecollective.com.

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED!

The Femme Collective is actively seeking volunteers to help us with this year's conference. Volunteers get a reduced registration rate for the conference. If you are interested in volunteering please click here and fill out the form.

Serena's comment to Oregon Post's Review of Brent Leung's House of Numbers

Serena Anderlini — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:01:36 +0000

Read review and comments to this brave documentary about the importance of dissidence in the production of scientific knowledge.

http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2010/01/review_house_of_numbers_blurs/2835/comments-newest.html

Brent's work is very important as it alerts an entire new generation to the scientific problems research on AIDS has not resolved yet, with the first voice admitting this the French scientist who discovered HIV back in the 1980s, Nobel Laureate Luc Montagnier. I am a university professor and educator and I have researched and written extensively about the AIDS controversies, analyzing the cultural/political context in which official AIDS science was produced, and the likely effects that this context had on the results. Science happens in culture and is affected by it, it is not neutral or universal, never has been, if we think of how hard it was for Galileo to affirm something simple like the concept that the Earth moves back then when the powers that be had an investment in the opposite theory. The problem with AIDS science is that people get upset about it because it affects them intimately, having to do with what they do, or think they can do, in bed. What about separating the two problems? Asking the government to mandate that scientists officially run again the laboratory experiments said to prove that HIV causes AIDS, and in the meanwhile continuing to use condoms when doing something that would otherwise result in the exchange of deep fluids when unknown risk factors are involved? This is what I propose in my latest book, Gaia and the New Politics of Love (2009).

See also my blog, http://polyplanet.blogspot.com/

I plan to organize a screening of Leung's documentary on my campus, so students learn more about the importance of maintaining the space open for free speech and knowledge that represents dissenting viewpoints.

With much respect and admiration for Leung's brave work.

Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio, PhD
author of Gaia and the New Politics of Love: Notes for a Poly Planet (2009)
and of Eros: A Journey of Multiple Loves (2007)

Get your gun: it’s open season on BDSMers

Clarisse Thorn — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 02:51:22 +0000

I don’t normally blog about every little link that crosses my screen, but a recent email update from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom drew my attention to this article from Indiana: Bloomington Man Sentenced to 30 Years For Manslaughter of a kinkster.

Here are some excerpts (I’ve run some paragraphs together):

Moore said he was working in Afghanistan as a defense contractor for Blackwater in 2008 when his wife, Laurie, sent him a disturbing e-mail. She said she was having an affair with Morris. Their marriage of 24 years was over. Moore’s time overseas had been the most stressful of his career, and he decided to fly home to deal with the affair in person. Back in Indiana, Moore learned that his wife met Morris through a “bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism” Web site.

“She said a man had been keeping her in a relationship she didn’t want,” Moore said. “I could tell it wasn’t her.”

Really? What were her exact words about her relationship? Did you actually, you know, ask her what she wanted? Or could you just, you know, tell?

Gary Dunn, a former FBI agent and private investigator hired by the defense, said Laurie Moore was in contact with several men she met on the BDSM Web site, collarme.com. She told Morris she loved him and called him “master.” Dunn said diary entries and e-mails indicated Morris was able to manipulate her physically and mentally.

Really? Indicated how? Was it because she called him “Master”, or was it just because, you know, no one in their right mind would ever conceivably consent to such a sick, perverted lifestyle and therefore she must have been “manipulated”?

All Moore wanted, he said during his statement, was for his wife to stop interacting with the BDSM community. After his return from Afghanistan, Moore moved out and filed for divorce. His wife secured a protective order against him. But on the night of Oct. 19, 2008, he violated that order and drove to her house. When he pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, he tucked his gun in his back pocket. He entered the house and heard his 9-year-old son playing a video game in the upstairs loft.

The house was decorated with balloons and signs for Morris’ upcoming 60th birthday. In the next room, Moore busted down the barricaded bedroom door and found his wife in bed with Morris. … He shot Morris twice — once in the chest and once in the head — and walked out of the house, passing his wife and son on the way. … Blood soaked through the wood floors and into the room below, a detective testified at the sentencing.

… Family and friends of Morris asked for a 50-year prison term, the maximum time an individual can receive for manslaughter, while Fred Turner, the defendant’s attorney, asked for 20. … as Turner said, it was a question of good people making bad decisions. “It’s a tragic story of an otherwise outstanding member of society and what a horrible mistake he made,” Turner said.

Really? “Manslaughter”?

Okay, let’s recap. This so-called “outstanding member of society” had serious trouble accepting his ex-wife’s independence and personal sexuality. Apparently, in fact, he made her feel so unsafe that she filed for a protective order against him. After their divorce, he took a gun, entered her house illegally and without her consent, and murdered her partner. This, apparently, is a “horrible mistake” … in fact, it’s such a “mistake” that it’s been classified as manslaughter — the legal category that exists to cover accidental killings of human beings.

If Morris, the dead man, had been a “normal member of society” and not a “pervert”, how would this case be adjudicated? Would his murder still be called “manslaughter” or would it be labeled what it is — the sociopathic act of an insanely jealous man whose major goal was to terrorize his wife?

(Posted at Clarisse Thorn)

Pelvic Floor Potential Defined

Olga Wolstenholme — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 01:01:56 +0000

I wonder if I could get my ass sued if the authors from whom I reprint passages found their way to my site. Oh well, copyright infringement be damned, I’m doing it anyways! After all, it’s not like I’m making a profit here and if anything it actually promotes their work and might even encourage someone to buy themselves their own copy, righ? At least, that’s how I’m justifying it to myself.

With that in mind here’s another definition from the pages of The Encyclopedia of Erotic Wisdom: A Reference Guide to the Symbolism, Techniques, Rituals, Sacred Texts, Psychology, Anatomy, and History of Sexual.

Pelvic Floor Potential

“If the pelvic floor muscles are slack and you do not know how o use them, you are missing out on one whole aspect of sexual experience.”

- Sheila Kitzinger, Woman’s Experience of Sex

The system of pelvic floor muscles in the genital area of women consists of two groups, each of which can be activated, or controlled, independently. The first group consists of the ischiocavernous and bulbocabervous muscles, as well as those responsible for control of the urethra, the musculus sphincter urethra. In the second group we find the pubococcygeus or PC-muscle, the pubovaginalis and he puborectalis. Exercising and training these muscles not only can enhance erotic sensations and possibilities for both partners in general, but can be used specifically for the following goals.

1. Aiding the ejaculation of female love juices and aiding the woman’s own control over the stimulation of her yoni and her orgasmic timing (Ladas, Perry, and Whipple, in the “G-Spot”, have observed that “female ejaculation occurs mostly in women with strong pubococcygeus muscles”
2. Control over the prolongation of penile erection and/or the excitation of male ejaculation
3. The absorption of orgasmic fluid(s)

Especially famous for their accomplishments in this area are the kabbazah and the women of Ethiopia and southern India, and today the technique is recommended by authors are diverse as Alan Ramsdale, Mantak Chia, Nik Douglas, and Sheila Kitzinger. Ramsdale, Chia, and Kitzinger give a number of detailed exercises – for example the Taoist deer exercise, the vaginal kiss, or vaginal weightlifting – designed to gain control over these muscles. Incidentally, such training will also aid the woman in the case of childbirth.

Men have similar muscles of course, which are mainly used as an aid in the retention of semen.

Hear that guys, time to start exercising your own set of pelvic muscles. I should also mention that since I started to exercise my PC-muscles on a regular basis, I’ve actually seen a difference in a pretty short period of time. Now, when I pee I can completely interrupt the flow of urine (even in mid-pee) and hold it for quite a long time. I used to only be able to interrupt the flow of urine for like half a second and even then never completely blocking it. As for a sexual difference, that remains to be seen. I need a partner to experiment with. Sob.

Hostile Takeover

Christina Engela — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:59:02 +0000

Not all Christians behave like totalitarian maniacs bent on "transforming" the world into a Christianist society, with no room for diversity, no room for the other people who believe differently, or live differently. Not all Christians act like literal "God's gifts" to human kind. Not all Christians preach hatred and prejudice and hypocrisy in the name of a God who claims to be a creator-god of love. Not all of them behave like they are judge, jury and executioner - and as though blood could never stain their fair hands.

Some of them, I hope a large (and apparently silent) majority, are in fact good people - standing on the sidelines, while a more vocal minority with acid for blood, jump up and down - hijacking the wagon on the trail, like modern day criminals stealing from the poor to furnish themselves with the illusion of righteousness, authority and affirmation.

There comes a time when this large and silent minority stops being silent, and starts to make a noise, beginning with a low rumble, rising gradually to a roar of outrage and objections. I hope that this time has now finally come.

A time of objections against the injustices committed by those who have been running the show, outrage at the suffering caused by the hypocrisy of those who speak on their behalf - and on behalf of their religion - and their God, as if they have somehow come to own the entire franchise - as though the middle-men have now cut God out of the church and taken it over - and is running it like their own private exclusive club.

With the recent outcome of the Ecclesia de Lange trial, in which a Methodist minister was fired for marrying her long time girlfriend, I - like many others - felt a deep sense of betrayal at the hands of the Methodist Church of SA. As with most churches, and other organisations where the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, it seems that many parts of the body do not necessarily always agree with the head, and may indeed wonder what has got into it.

There are individual churches and congregations which are part of the MCSA and which disagree with the finding of the trial and appeal - and which feel that Ecclesia - and the rest of the pink community, have been wronged by the Church. There are churches in the MCSA group, which strongly feel the MCSA owes Ecclesia - and the pink community - an apology and a message of welcome.

There are churches in this group, which have reached resolutions to take this matter up with church leadership and the Bishop responsible for this injustice, and asked for a reversal of this decision and an apology from the MCSA. One I know of, recently sent a letter to this effect to the MCSA leadership about it, with overwhelming support - something like 455 in favor, with 2 abstentions and 3 against. That to me is indeed encouraging news.

For years I have heard many gay Christians whining about their churches rejecting them or expecting them to endure tirades and lectures about their "sinful lifestyle choices" or to crawl on all fours apologizing for how they were born. For years I have heard them crying for change to come to their churches - or for a welcoming friendly church in this city, where they can be themselves before their God as other people are - honestly and without shame or fear or favor. And for more than ten years, I have consistently referred them to this same Church.

And yet tonight, the church was all but empty - if there were 40 people there, it was a lot. Yes, there were about 5 gay people there, those that I recognized - the regulars - but where are all those others? There is at least one church in this city, amongst all the others, of all denominations, that cares about and welcomes GLBTI people among them - that does not expect them to be silent or invisible or to be lesser than straight people - nor tries to "cure" them by laying on of hands or delivering other insults. There is a minister who is trying so hard to support us and our cry for equality and equal treatment, and yet week after week, he stands there pouring out the affirmation and love they all seek, to a church full of half-empty pews.

It's true, a minister can make or break a church. And Rod may not be Barry. Barry was special, he was unique and he had a style of his own. Barry loved us all and included us all. He fought to include us, he faced censure and pressure from his superiors and from other churches in this city, from other ministers who excluded him and this church from their plans and activities in the city because he did so and because he refused to compromise or give in and exclude us. Barry's death was a tragic loss for us all in Port Elizabeth. Rod may not be Barry, in fact he isn't - he is Rod. He has a different style, and a different feel - but he cares about our community just as Barry did - and he is also fighting for our community. That church is fighting for us in its own way. That one church is a light for our community and others in this city.

Where I come from, when somebody shows you support or supports your cause, you return the favor and support them back. Where I come from, one good turn deserves another, and you live out this and other principles which these days are made out to be corny and inconsequential. In point of fact, what I am trying to say is - while I may not believe quite as other people believe, and call myself not even a Christian, but an agnostic - there are things I most definitely do believe in. You want to know what they are?

Love. Loyalty. Honor. Justice. Fairness. Equality.

I hope they stop being invisible. I hope they stop being silent.

(Posted at Sour Grapes)