Sexual Evolution

Movin' On

2007-06-09T20:22:00.000-05:00

Sad news, kids.

I've picked up a new project -- one that I'm really excited about. But it precludes me blogging here at Sexual Evolution. I honestly feel a sense of loss akin to ...well, what I imagine leaving summer camp must be like.

But now, like Candy and Pre before me, I'm closing up shop. I'll still be reading others' blogs and commenting from time to time, and you can still reach me at sexualevolution at gmail dot com.

So long... and thanks for all the ~~fish~~ smart sex talk!

Nimoy's Nudes

2007-05-13T23:38:00.000-05:00

We all know what William Shatner's been up to these days, but who knew Leonard Nimoy (that's Mr. Spock, for those of you whose mothers weren't teenage Star Trek fans) was shooting nudes and showing his work?

Okay, actually lots of people knew. I just wasn't one of them.

Anyway, the Times Magazine piece on his latest work with women of size -- a collection of photos he's been working on for eight years -- isn't too terribly interesting, but it's a good summary of how he ended up taking photos of fat women and how he feels about it. It tries to give the reader a glimpse of fat activism, kind of, but it doesn't really.

I really want to see the photographs now. Luckily some of them are showing in Northampton (apparently the most liberal city in the most liberal state in the country, according to gallery owner Richard Michelson), where I will be in the middle of next week. At first I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get the beau to go with me, but then I remembered: he loves photography. Oh, and naked women.

I will stand in the rain on the corner...

2007-05-12T21:59:00.000-05:00

It’s pouring here, the kind of rain that’s perfect for a first date. Two people who’ve just met, or met last week, or who’ve known each other for years and were suddenly drawn to each other by the immense heat of the past week – they’re out on the town, glowing, giving each other those looks. I saw those looks over and over tonight, before the rain started. “I can’t believe you’re with me,” is what that look says, and to anyone who will pay attention, “look! she’s with me!”

And then the rain starts, and sheer summer shirts stick to wet skin, and suddenly everyone is laughing. Rain like this always feels a little absurd because it seems to come from nowhere, and when it comes it isn’t kidding. You’ve got no chance to prepare yourself for this. Couples on first dates stand together under awnings, laughing and wringing out their shirts, proffering jackets, offering to hold umbrellas, gauging the probability that the rain will let up and considering making a run for it, whatever ‘it’ happens to be. And they’re grinning. They look like drowned rats, and yet somehow they just can’t wipe the smiles off their faces. I hope they take advantage of the downpour – few things are more romantic than making out in that kind of driving rain, especially when it comes on the heels of this kind of heat and humidity. I hope they tell their kids one day about getting caught in a downpour on their first date.

I walked home alone, my umbrella stowed away in my bag, my flip-flops squeak-squeaking as I struggled to keep them from sliding off my feet. Rain like this is meant for running through grass and on blacktop in bare feet and rolled up jeans (or, y’know, underwear), seeing who can make the biggest splash. Poorly drained city streets with god knows what in the stormwater aren’t made for that kind of romping. But city streets in summer storms were made for first dates.

(photo: Amanda a la drowned rat, El Yunque PR. Somehow we managed to forget that it would probably rain in the rainforest. Man, that was an awesome day.)

There’s something fishy going on.

2007-05-12T12:51:00.000-05:00

Researchers studying water and aquatic life have found males of several species of fish whose gonads don’t quite match up. In waterways around Seattle, some male English sole have proteins normally only found in females. Male Potomac River bass and sunfish have been found carrying immature eggs. Down in Nevada, male carp in a particular lake – one subject to Las Vegas wastewater runoff – have depressed levels of male sex hormones and smaller than average testes. And in California, male fish off the coast of LA and Orange County have been found with ovarian tissue in their testes. Feminized fish are also found in England, Japan, and Denmark.

The culprit? Many would have you look no further than that little pack of pills on your bedside table. Synthetic estrogens in hormonal birth control trick the body out of ovulating, but they don’t just stay in the body and build up forever. A woman takes her pill with her morning coffee, drinks her eight glasses of water a day, and eventually those hormones get flushed town the toilet. When wastewater is spilled or leaks into waterways (through leaky sewers and pipes, storm drain overflow, or from wastewater treatment centers), those hormones are released into the wild, where they act as endocrine disruptors for fish. The endocrine system regulates growth and development in all animals – disrupt it, and you get animals that don’t develop correctly.

Scientists have found relatively low levels of estrogens in most of the bodies of water examined, but those low levels have been enough to have an impact on the development of aquatic life, and many are concerned for the reproductive future of fish. If you’re not worried (you never really liked fish anyway), think about the worst case scenario: feminization of male fish leads to widespread reproductive failure, declining fish supplies, the collapse of the fishing industry, increased reliance on non-aquatic protein supplies, and not enough land for the necessary increase in agriculture. It would be a problem in the US, but for Japan it would be a disaster, and for non-industrial countries relying primarily on protein from fish it would probably be the beginning of the end.

But we’re not there yet. Doomsday scenario aside, there is something going on with all those estrogens. Many news reports have implied that the bulk of the blame lies with hormonal birth control (and, to a lesser extent, hormone replacement therapy), meanwhile ignoring the vast number of estrogen-mimics in the environment from pollutants. Chemicals contained in many detergents, in bath oils and some cosmetics, and in pesticides act as endocrine disruptors in the same fashion as synthetic estrodiol. Even more pervasively, plastics often contain ingredients that mimic estrogens – one of which, bisphenol A, has been linked to birth defects in humans. These chemicals are often referred to as ‘ubiquitous’ by researchers who realize that the compounds will be found (in varying degrees) in essentially any water test performed.

Hormonal birth control, meanwhile, may be one of the most sustainable inventions ever created – if we use it properly. Because pills are relatively expensive and difficult to distribute (both problems which probably wouldn’t be that hard to overcome), their use in developing countries has yet to become widespread. Giving women and families the option of hormonal birth control (along with condoms and education) could go a long way towards solving the population problem. Otherwise, dwindling resources coupled with increasing populations will likely lead to population control via genocide and war (as in Rwanda; Jared Diamond’s extraordinary book Collapse does a great job of analyzing that scenario).

It’s true that synthetic hormones in birth control are contributing to the feminization of fish. As a first world country, we should take the lead in developing birth control methods that are even more sustainable – both personally and globally. For the time being, women who would prefer birth control sans hormones can consider using a diaphragm or IUD.

Meanwhile, cutting back drastically on our nasty plastic habit would decrease the amount of trash in our landfills, the level of endocrine disruptors in our water, and our over-dependence on petrochemicals. That’s three problems in one fell swoop.

Researchers are working on ways to filter endocrine blockers out of wastewater, and no one is actually suggesting that women should stop using hormonal birth control. Still, the Pill is getting an undue amount of attention in the fish feminization scandal. We (the media, all of it) should put a little more emphasis on the plastics industry and the byproduct of our petrochemical dependence.

(fabulous fish photo by wistine)

Good Magazine: Pornographic Transparency

2007-05-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Over the past week I have fallen in love with Good Magazine -- and this video just solidifies that. Good is a magazine "for people who give a damn", and the current issue features articles on corporate greenwashing, innovative transportation solutions in Europe, and (this is novel) an unbiased look at women married to inmates. Their hard copy is even on recycled paper.

In the video, model/actress Kelle Marie's body is the canvas for a series of factoids about internet pornography. I think the term 'ironic' can be appropriately applied here. Via Fleshbot.

Pro-Choice Birth-Activist Reproductive Freedom Fighter

2007-05-10T22:40:00.000-05:00

Radical doula Miriam Pérez believes that pro-choice activism and birth activism go hand in hand. Those who subscribe to the beliefs of either group don’t generally agree: pro-choicers are so caught up in protecting women’s rights NOT to parent, and midwifery groups so busy diligently advocating for pregnant women, that neither has the time to examine what the other has to offer (and, of course, not all midwives and doulas are pro-choice). But, Pérez points out, “Anti-choice activism and overly-medicalized birthing practices are both based on a lack of trust in women.”

Her Campus Progress article does a great job of pointing out the ways in which the two camps compliment each other. Both movements address “the narrowing scope of women’s choices.” They attempt to offer safety and support to women as they undergo difficult procedures, too often under difficult circumstances. And in both the delivery room and right-wing politics, the woman in question is forced to take a back seat to the fetus she carries. This, to Pérez, is the strongest correlation between birth- and pro-choice activism: “Both are attempts to fight back against rhetoric that prioritizes the unborn fetus instead of the adult woman.” The article also does a great job rounding up the basic facts and figures about home and hospital births.

But oh, these divisions! Pérez is right, birth activists and pro-choice activists have a lot in common. And they have a lot in common with those who advocate for comprehensive sexuality education. All three often have a lot in common with those who lobby for universal health care and for flex-time. When we talk about all of these issues, more often than not, we’re talking about the same thing: reproductive freedom. But abortion is a divisive issue, as are comprehensive sex ed and even universal health care for some. It’s true: allying abortion rights with universal health care would probably hurt the case for universal health care. So instead of getting together and agreeing that we’re all talking about the same thing (more or less), we divide it up into bits and pieces. In the end, though, all of those things affect reproductive freedom. It’s about the right to reproduce – or not – when and how we want, the right to affordable and accessible health care, the right to the knowledge we need to make informed decisions, the ability to make motherhood a viable part of our complex lives if we choose to, and the right (and the NEED) to be heard and supported when it comes to our reproductive choices – whether that means choosing not to continue a pregnancy or choosing to give birth naturally. All the little slivers of the overarching issue, put together, could mean huge advances for women’s equality.

Check out Miriam Pérez’s blog Radical Doula for lots more information on midwifery, reproductive freedom and progressive politics – it’s good stuff!

PS - thanks to Frank for the tip!

It's baaack...

2007-05-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

Last month a friend called and asked for a quick consult on STI testing. I ran down a list of STIs I thought were relevant: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HIV, and herpes, HPV if insurance covered the more expensive and slightly more accurate test. "What about syphilis?" my friend asked, and I felt a little silly for having left it off the list, but (despite the outbreak in season two of Grey's Anatomy) rates of syphilis dropped enormously over the course of the 20th century, and generally speaking it's not something many people need to worry about.

But according to this Washington Post article, rates have been on the rise again in the past three years in Virginia and DC. The article alludes to outbreaks occurring in the gay male community, but the jump in numbers is alarming no matter who you're sleeping with: in the District, it went from a record low 38 reported cases in 2003 to 115 cases in 2006.

Much more info in the CDC Syphilis Fact sheet.

How I spent my day off...

2007-05-08T11:34:00.000-05:00

I just looked around and realized that I'm laying in bed with a vibrator, a bag of chocolates, and a notebook and pen. This is how days off are meant to be, I think. At least once in a while.

Sustainable Underwear

2007-05-07T14:24:00.000-05:00

Remember my quest for the perfect black lace bra? I found one. I’m not sure I’d call it perfect, but it is black lace and sexy as hell (if I do say so myself). I got the matching underwear, too, but because the website I bought the bra from didn’t have the underwear in black I had to buy it from a different company and have it shipped separately. The underwear arrived first, and as I unwrapped it I was totally blown away by the amount of packaging that had been used to send me one itty bitty piece of fabric.

It started with a brown shipping box, somewhere along the lines of 8x8x6. That’s a lot of box for not a lot of underwear. Inside the box, a couple of sheets of lavender tissue paper were meant to make me feel as though I was receiving a present. (An old trick. Back in my days at the toy store I was a sex-toy shipping queen: slip the toy into a satin storage bag, surround it with leopard print tissue, write the customer a glowing thank you note along with any care instructions for the toy, and toss in a few packets of lube to show our appreciation – that’s how you get repeat customers.) Beneath the tissue were two printouts – a return form, and an advertisement from the company – on standard paper, printed in color ink. And beneath that…

My underwear? Oh no. That would be too straightforward. Instead I found yet another box, this one about a tenth of the size of the first, printed with the fancy French lingerie company’s name. and inside that, finally, were my new panties – panties so small they fit literally in the palm of my hand. Amazing the resources that were used to get this little pair of underwear onto my bottom.

By amazing, of course, I mean sad and scary. I didn’t think to check the return address to see where they had been shipped from, but I’m guessing it was fairly far away (meaning lots of carbon output). Add to that the synthetic materials used to make the underwear, the fact that I have no idea where or how or under what conditions they were made, and you’ve got one very non-sustainable purchase. Shame on me. On the upside, the experience was significant guilt-inducing that I’ll be a lot more thoughtful the next time I purchase fancy undergarments.

Certain companies have caught on to the fact that we – ecologically conscious consumers of sexy stuff – want more than just organic cotton briefs (although those are great too). For great options in “green” underwear, check out Enamore, GreenKnickers, and Peau-Ethique. Also Buenostyle, whose "Eat Organic" panties are freaking hysterical, and BUTTA, whose products are made in Africa under good work conditions. The only problem is that every time I look at their website I can distinctly hear my first boyfriend hissing "bring me the butta" in his best mobster accent. Ah, memories.

Happy No Pants Day!

2007-05-04T10:52:00.000-05:00

I've never liked pants very much. The beau and I had only been "dating" for a couple of weeks when I walked through a rainstorm to his apartment, threw down my bag, and immediately stripped off my soaked-to-the-knees pants. At the time he was a little less keen on no-pants than myself, so I was worried that he'd think I was weird -- after all, what kind of girl walks into a room and takes off her pants? But I'm happy to report that my no-pants policy has, um, rubbed off on him.

Like the bio says, I'm a big fan of no pants time. I mean really, they just get in the way, and they're restrictive. As long as there's no one around who minds, who needs them? I'd much rather be in my underwear or my ex-boyfriend's boxers. Or in my unpants, which are size XL elastic waist tee-shirt material pants that say "Smith" across the ass. They're so comfy it's like you're not even wearing them.

Some very bright people at the University of Texas invented No Pants Day to bring no pants time to the masses. I've got to say, of all the silly made up celebrations, this is probably my favorite. Now all we need is to get business and workplaces to understand the importance of No Pants!

C'mon, take 'em off. You know you want to.

Theory Heads, Take Note

2007-05-02T12:03:00.000-05:00

Heather Corinna has written a long and very interesting post about the problematic nature of "sex positive feminism" as a category. It's really worth a read if feminist theory interests you. This response post is a little less to-the-point, more rambly, and less cohesive than my usual post, but bear with me.

Clearly, sometime this fall, I decided that "sex positive feminist" was a label I could claim for myself. Before that I had claimed "sex positive", but as for feminist... I guess I thought it went without saying. Anyway, Corinna raises some very important points, most importantly (I think) that these kinds of divisions amongst feminists aren't beneficial. While it's true that my opinions on pornography and sex work and the "adult industry" might differ from another feminist's, we still have a common goal, and for most of the relevant issues our differing perspectives on sex won't be pertinent.

She points out the sex-negative "strawfeminist" -- that is, that no such feminist exists -- to which I initially reacted "well of course no one labels herself that way." She creates a women's sexual autonomy manifesto of sorts, which is worth quoting:

To whit: women DO need the agency to have sex (or physical and emotional intimacy combined, however you’d like to put it or whatever you’d like to have) on their terms, and by their definition, that is pleasurable, that is real communion, that honors our bodies and selves.

Women DO need real sexual autonomy and ownership of our bodies and our sexualities.

Women DO need a cultural sexuality that includes them, truly allows for them, and which holds them in equal regard.

Women DO need to be able to define sex on our own terms, whatever they may be, and have equal allowance made for us to even be able to discover what our authentic sexualities and terms even are — to truly author our own sexuality — free of pressures to make our sexuality fit, support or enable a cultural model of sexuality which men created, not women, and which men created without much, if any, accord for women. Hell, we didn’t even get to be the ones who named our own parts.

She follows it with an assertion that radical feminists recognize that masculine sexual culture is one source of women's oppression. That may be true, and I also think she's right that most feminists affirm the importance of women's sexual equality, but I certainly feel like issues of sexuality are often treated as frivolous and unimportant in radfem circles. The exception, of course, is when pornography and sex work are being burned at the stake as the primary means by which men are keeping women in their place (okay, I'm taking a deep breath, I'm moving past it).

Corinna also worries that adding "sex positive" to the label "feminist" weakens it by half:

To plenty of men, that sex-positive in front of feminist says that either I am the sort of feminist they just don’t have to worry about, because I pose no real threat to them — since I don’t appear to want to take away or limit access to sex — or worse still, in some cases, it says additionally that they will get the heart of what they really want from me — sex — regardless, so who freaking cares if I’m feminist, right? So, you nod and smile when I talk women’s equality and it’s all cool: you’re still getting laid, Joe.

This reminds me of my own rejection of the term "bisexual" based on the fear that people would hear it and assume I was 'easy' or 'greedy'. A housemate of mine put "bisexual -- and still not interested in you!" in her facebook profile to combat that perception; I chose queer as a label instead, for several reasons, but definitely to prevent people from thinking that I'm just a horny bitch who'll do anyone she can get her hands on.

But if we reject terms like bisexual and sex positive based on what other people think we mean by them, aren't we just perpetuating the stereotype? I am sex-positive; that doesn't mean I'm not critical of sexual culture (in fact it may well mean I'm more critical than most), and it sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you. Why should I allow anyone to think that my intellectual and political interest in sex means I'm indiscriminate when it comes to sexual partners? I want a bumper sticker: "sex positive -- and still not interested in you!"

So. Corinna makes a lot of good points, although I don't agree with all of it. Certainly lots to think about, in any case; I think one of the most basic, and most important, points she makes is that feminist "community" isn't sweet and gooey and always supportive. It's hard, and challenging, and critical, and in order to be a part of it you have to be willing examine what's really behind your position.

"Mommy, why aren't yours that big?"

2007-05-02T10:27:00.000-05:00

Someone in a New Jersey Comcast facility was very bored yesterday morning. And possibly looking to get fired.

LINCROFT, N.J. Many New Jersey residents watching the Disney Channel Tuesday morning were outraged after the family-friendly programming turned into a pornographic display.

Jennie Sherman still can't believe what happened while she was watching the show "Handy Manny" with her two twin sons.

"We were just sitting here and the screen just froze and then all of a sudden I saw very graphic pornography on the television and I scrambled to get the remote to shut it off," Sherman told CBS 2.

Sherman said she immediately recorded the X-rated graphic video on her DVR. She then e-mailed wcbstv.com to report the shocking news.

Comcast appologized and pointed out that the mistake was theirs and not the Disney Channels.

But seriously, dude: replace MTV with porn, or even ABC Family, but the Disney Channel? That's just wrong.

no wonder I hate the long distance thing...

2007-04-30T09:55:00.000-05:00

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Languages are probably Physical Touch and Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	9
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	8
Receiving Gifts:	2
Acts of Service:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

If it were up to me... I'd take away the porn?

2007-04-27T14:18:00.000-05:00

Hello, my name is Amanda, and I'm an erototoxin addict.

Apparently Dr. Judith Reisman (whose doctorate, by the way, is in communications) believes that the Virginia Tech murders were sparked off in part by the killer's erototoxin addiction.

Erototoxins... is that some kind of new drug? Or maybe it's some kind of chemical being washed into rivers and lakes, and humans get infected by eating too much fish? Damn those chemical companies!

Oh wait, now I remember: erototoxins are a certain kind of endorphin, produced in the brain in response to our "society drenched in sadosexual arousal as entertainment" and, um, porn. Oh, and they have no base in biological reality. According to Dr. Reisman, "erototoxins" "have a toxic effect on everyone and we all know that... We don't need billion-dollar studies to know that." That's right, folks: Dr. Reisman would have us believe that all that smut we've been exposing ourselves to is poisoning our brains.

Luckily we've been informed before our addictions had a chance to go too far. For Seung-Hui Cho, the perpetrator of the Virginia Tech murders, the poison had already done it's job.

In an April 23rd editorial on World Net Daily, Reisman offers a list of contributing factors leading to the killer's actions, including the line about sadosexual arousal as entertainment and creating a mental image of him sitting "at the Internet every night, angrily lusting after naked young blondes who provoke his loins". Her analysis gives lengthy attention to his sexually explicit (and often disturbing) writing and the story that he took upskirt shots of classmates. In an interview with XFANZ, she asserts that "It's a distinct component in predators — frustrated that he can't get the girls he wants to get — and that builds up to a volcanic eruption."

What Reisman doesn't mention -- and this comes as no surprise -- is that all the porn in the world can't kill 33 people in ten minutes. It was a pair of guns that did that. To even insinuate that the cause of Cho's destructive rampage was an addiction to pornography is an insult to the victims of this complex tragedy. It disregards all of the other factors that allowed the killings to happen -- the medical treatment of people suffering from psychological disorders, the response of the University's administration to previous reports of his problems and problematic interactions with classmates, and above all the ease with which he managed to obtain the guns.

Way back in 1997 ('99? somewhere around there), Cheryl Wheeler recorded a song called "if it were up to me." I loved it in high school, but I had forgotten all about it until iTunes played it on random the other night. How incredibly timely. I'm guessing it's not the porn, judging by the number of people who use pornography and lead perfectly normal, healthy lives, but you know what? Even if porn did play some roll here, maybe there are other things we should look to first.

Lyrics reprinted below.
See also Alex Koppleman "Why Democrats Dumped Gun Control" (Salon.com)

# Maybe it's the movies, maybe it's the books
# Maybe it's the bullets, maybe it's the real crooks
# Maybe it's the drugs, maybe it's the parents
# Maybe it's the colors everybody's wearin
# Maybe it's the President, maybe it's the last one
# Maybe it's the one before that, what he done
# Maybe it's the high schools, maybe it's the teachers
# Maybe it's the tattooed children in the bleachers
# Maybe it's the Bible, maybe it's the lack
# Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the crack
# Maybe it's the hairdos, maybe it's the TV
# Maybe it's the cigarettes, maybe it's the family
# Maybe it's the fast food, maybe it's the news
# Maybe it's divorce, maybe it's abuse
# Maybe it's the lawyers, maybe it's the prisons
# Maybe it's the Senators, maybe it's the system
# Maybe it's the fathers, maybe it's the sons
# Maybe it's the sisters, maybe it's the moms
# Maybe it's the radio, maybe it's road rage
# Maybe El Nino, or UV rays
# Maybe it's the army, maybe it's the liquor
# Maybe it's the papers, maybe the militia
# Maybe it's the athletes, maybe it's the ads
# Maybe it's the sports fans, maybe it's a fad
# Maybe it's the magazines, maybe it's the internet
# Maybe it's the lottery, maybe it's the immigrants
# Maybe it's taxes, big business
# Maybe it's the KKK and the skinheads
# Maybe it's the communists, maybe it's the Catholics
# Maybe it's the hippies, maybe it's the addicts
# Maybe it's the art, maybe it's the sex
# Maybe it's the homeless, maybe it's the banks
# Maybe it's the clearcut, maybe it's the ozone
# Maybe it's the chemicals, maybe it's the car phones
# Maybe it's the fertilizer, maybe it's the nose rings
# Maybe it's the end, but I know one thing.
# If it were up to me, I'd take away the guns.

Planned Parenthood's Wall of Protest

2007-04-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

Oh, the age of user generated content. Planned Parenthood has created an interactive Wall of Protest, where users can post photos, videos, and comments about the Supreme Court's decision to uphold the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act. I added my two cents. I wouldn't say it's an effective tool for change, but it created quite an impression to see all of those little thumbnails and know they're all people who are as outraged and frightened as me. Here are a few choice quotes:

Dear Supreme Court, By legally mandating my pain, suffering, injury, and endangerment in the face of a safer medical alternative, you are devaluing my humanity in the worst and most institutional way. Your brutality against women and your disrespect for valid Supreme Court jurisprudence will leave blood, shame, and torture on your hands until the end of time.

I don't tell you what to do with your penis, don't tell me what to do with my vagina.

(with a photo of a baby) Beautiful Sophia. A beautiful CHOICE in my life. Please keep abortions safe and legal.

(from a fella) Reactionary fundamentalism has no place making such laws. The hubris of this abortion ban strikes at the heart of Woman, Human, and American rights.

18th century gay rights text discovered

2007-04-26T13:54:00.000-05:00

This news story totally does it for both the history nerd and the sex nerd in me:

The 18th Century writings of Thomas Cannon, believed to be one of the first gay activists, have been found by a University of Manchester academic.

According to that BBC article, the text said "Unnatural desire is a contradiction in terms; downright nonsense." I'm pretty sure this judge would agree with him wholeheartedly. I myself don't think I'd go quite that far, but I'm pretty sure his heart was in the right place. Interesting stuff!

PS: Dear BBC, when did 1749 become "ancient"?

So, things have been a little crazy...

2007-04-26T12:59:00.000-05:00

I worked a two-week stint of ten-hour days -- and as soon as that was over, I had a convenient couple of days of to move into (drumroll, please...) my new apartment! The last several days have been a flurry of moving and shopping for accouterments (like an absolutely beautiful set of dishes that I decided to splurge on a little, since hey, I'm going to be eating off of them for a while) and opening a bank account here (since at this point it's pretty clear I'll be here a while) and getting internet installed and having online Ikea dates with the Beau to pick out our furniture and... it's been a little overwhelming, but also very gratifying.

Meanwhile, I've missed out on commenting on all kinds of things -- especially the Supreme Court's unfortunate decision to uphold the Partial Birth Abortion Act as constitutional, and North Dakota's trigger law (which will make abortion illegal in the state immediately upon a reversal of Roe v. Wade, heaven forbid). At this point, pretty much anything I would have said has been said. It's all fucking terrifying.

In much better news: Massachusetts has joined the list of states which will decline federal money for abstinence-only programming! Way to go, Deval. We knew you could do it.

Over at Eden Fantasys, my review of the Swinging Pendulum has gone up, as well as an article I wrote for them about Phthalates and sex toys -- check it out!

So: my apologies for the dearth of posts, readers dear. Things ought to get back to normal around here now -- I hope -- for a few weeks at least!

(also: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my favorite veggie connoisseur!)

The American Family Association wants your opinion!

2007-04-24T18:28:00.000-05:00

The American Family Association (ugh, just the name makes me shudder. It's so disgustingly biased.) want to know what you think of corporations supporting "the Homosexual Agenda." They've got a combination poll/petition up on their website, which poses the following:

Several corporations are now supporting the homosexual agenda. These companies have been convinced by homosexual activists and the mainstream media that in order to be “fair and tolerant,” companies must make special rules for homosexuals and provide company money and resources to help promote their lifestyle. Many companies, at the urging of these groups, have also begun to support same-sex marriage.

The poll then asks you if you would be more or less likely to support a company who supported the homosexual agenda, or if it wouldn't make a difference. Filling out the petition signs you onto their email list, but you can unsubscribe (after you confirm your vote) by sending a blank email to leave-afapetition@lists.afa.net.

Those nice people at AFA want to know what we think -- I think we ought to tell them!

Click here to answer the poll.

Things Fall Apart

2007-04-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

So, apparently the world is falling apart. Nothing new, I guess. Like most people, I'm angry and sad and horrified and scared and sad, sad, sad. I want to take a moment and acknowledge a few things that have happened in the past week. I've started thinking of them in my head as "reasons to become a hermit," although I don't actually believe that's the answer.

I spent all of Monday glued to the radio, terrified to leave, unable to turn it off despite the fact that my heart was alternately in my throat and my stomach. There are no words to express... but for what it's worth, my thoughts are with the students, staff, and faculty at VA Tech, and with the families and friends of the victims.

My heart also goes out to the 23 year old Columbia grad student who was raped, tortured, and left for dead on a burning futon -- and still found the will to escape.

And to the friends and family of Peace Corps volunteer Julia Campbell, whose body was found in the Philippines more than a week after she disappeared while on a hike.

And to the loved ones of the more than 180 people killed in the series of bombings in Baghdad the past two days.

If there was ever a time to call the people you love, I think this is it.

Spanking Dilemma Solved!

2007-04-15T22:03:00.000-05:00

Isn't it beautiful? Coco de Mer, the company that makes it, uses fair-trade and renewable resources, and they make truly beautiful, classy looking products. The product description:

A classic wooden paddle, handcrafted by a passionate English spanker. This paddle is ethically made by a fair trade project in India and the wood from a substainable source. So spank away for a better world!

Good stuff, right? Their leather cuffs are beautiful as well, and totally belong on my kinky wishlist.

Abstinence-only programs don't work? Shock!

2007-04-15T14:42:00.000-05:00

Bloglandia is abuzz this weekend with the news that a federally funded study of “abstinence only” sex education programs found that they are not effective in reducing sexual activity or increasing age at first sexual activity amongst young people. The study, by Mathematica Policy Research Inc., followed participants from four abstinence-only programs as well as young people from the same communities who were not receiving structured sex education. It is by far the largest study that has been done on the topic, looking at more than two thousand students in cities and in rural communities and conducting long-term follow up research. The four programs studied were chosen because they were supposed to be the “all-star” programs. The federal government spends $176 million funding abstinence-only sex education programs annually (and approximately, oh, PRACTICALLY NOTHING on comprehensive sexuality education). Put it all together into once sentence and this is what you get:

A federally funded study has demonstrated that the government is spending $176 million annually on abstinence education programs that are ineffective while refusing to seriously fund other, potentially more effective comprehensive programs.

This is big news, right? And yet, somehow, it got buried. It was released late on a Friday. There was hardly a word about it on NPR, and major media outlets like the New York Times and CNN have only posted the AP story (the Washington Post does have a staff-written story up, and it’s good). The Bush administration immediately went into spin-control mode, as evidenced by a soundbite from Harry Wilson, a top official at the Administration for Children and Families: "This study isn't rigorous enough to show whether or not [abstinence-only] education works." Clearly this administration wouldn’t recognize rigorous research if it bit them on the ass – I’m suddenly reminded of the rigorous research (read: forged letter) that served as evidence enough for us to start a war in Iraq.

The Medical Institute for Sexual Health, a pro-abstinence organization, released a statement about the report in which they claim that the “small and unrepresentative study sample” (of the programs, that is, not the participants) and “methodological issues” mean that “the study findings provide an insufficient basis for policy decisions.” Clearly, no evidence will ever be enough for these people. They would much rather look to the results from tiny, poorly conducted studies that make their programs look good.

Meanwhile, the researcher at Mathematica who was in charge of the study is quick to point out that the students receiving abstinence-only sex education were no less likely than their peers to use protection when they began having sex. According to the AP article,

“Trenholm said his second point of emphasis was important because some critics of abstinence programs have contended that they lead to less frequent use of condoms.”

In actuality, I think it’s fair to point out, most critics of abstinence-only programs contend that they lead to less frequent use of condoms compared to comprehensive sex education. From what I can tell, this study didn’t examine where or how the control group students were getting their sexual information. No one expects young people to just spontaneously use condoms – that’s why we have a responsibility to educate them about risks and options and consequences with all of the information in our arsenal.

Like I was saying, though: this is big news, despite the fact that it isn’t getting the attention it deserves. The major funding program for abstinence programs is going to expire in June, at which point Congress will have to consider whether or not to renew it. This study gives proponents of comprehensive sexuality education all the evidence they need to get some changes made. Big things are on the horizon, kids. Us sex educator types might actually be able to get jobs some time in the next 5 years!

speaking of sex educators: photo by the brilliant and beautiful G. Reichert !

He's On Top (just where I like him)

2007-04-15T12:15:00.000-05:00

People who know me personally know that I have a pretty big friendcrush on Rachel Kramer Bussel, so when I got the chance to participate in her Kinky Virtual Book Tour (For He's On Top and She's On Top, two kinky anthologies she edited) I jumped at the opportunity. Then again, I'm always eager to please! Which brings be back to the subject at hand...

Sometimes I wonder, when “vanilla” people dream of good sex, what do they dream about?

The obvious answer is that -- well, there isn’t an obvious answer. There are endless permutations of “good sex”, dependent entirely on the people involved and their own kinks, fantasies, and sexual history. If you love being ball-gagged, for example, but the idea of gagging you is a turn-off for your partner, it’s not likely to make for hot sex even if you do manage to talk him into it. I had a woman approach me in the store this summer while her husband stood nervously near the entrance. “Do you have anything that will make me want to have sex?” she asked in a barely audible whisper. I tried to suggest clitoral stimulating gel, but then she explained the real problem: she wanted to be roughed up, and her husband was only interested in slow, sweet, romantic sex. We talked for a bit longer, but I wasn’t able to suggest anything that sounded really viable to her. As she left, I thought dear god, please don’t ever let me end up in that situation!

Kinky or vanilla or anywhere in between, though, trust and vulnerability pervade the good sex fantasies of a great many people. Whether you want to be having slow, passionate, stare-deeply-into-my-eyes-and-tell-me-you-love-me sex, or hard, fast, please-Sir-fuck-me-harder sex, many find that the best sex forces you to bare more than just your naughty bits. The occasional fling with someone you barely know can be really freaking hot, but it doesn’t compare to the cerebral sex that happens between people who trust each other utterly.

Trust becomes especially important when you’re a bottom, when having sex sometimes literally means putting your life in your partner’s hands. When you’re bound, your faith in that other person must go well beyond knowing they’ll hear and listen to your safeword. A good top tries to know at all times what it going on for the bottom. In turn, a Dom must trust his sub to be honest and straightforward about what’s going on for her – and if she doesn’t trust him, she won’t be. That exchange is the kind of sexy that takes your breath away.

That’s what I liked best about He’s On Top. The women in this collection are tied up and held down, spanked and teased and humiliated, all for their own pleasure and by men who, invariably, adore them. There’s no doubt that these stories will get any lover of female submission hot and bothered, but what’s surprising is that this is a book of love stories. Hot sex is shot through with trust and vulnerability, worshipful subs and the men who have agreed to protect them and guide them to the farthest reaches of their boundaries.

The narrator of Lisabet Sarai’s story Incurable Romantic, for example, is clearly smitten with his “perfect slave.” The story leads him through his love for her, his lust for other women, and his knowledge that, whatever else goes on in his life, Ilsa trusts him to be the kind of Dom she needs. He, in turn, must be willing to continually cultivate that trust.

In Yes by Donna George Storey, it’s the she who pushes his boundaries at first. She knows what she wants and asks for it shyly, and it unleashes in him a desire to push her further, as far as she thinks she can go, and then even a little bit beyond that. The story ends with some of the best writing I’ve ever seen in an erotic story, including this little snippet:

“Your chest swells with the possibility of it, because you can do anything together. You can push her over the edge and catch her at the bottom, soft and safe in your arms. You can watch her dance and be inside her all at the same time, because you are the music she’s dancing to now, faster and faster.”

The book arrived, conveniently, on day two of my Beau’s 10 day visit. We read a couple of the stories together, and they got his stamp of approval as well, although that may have had something to do with the fact that I started trying to get into his pants before the first story was even halfway over. But isn’t that what good erotica is for?

This is definitely good erotica, full of steamy stories which emphasize what SM relationships are really about: trust and vulnerability, admiration, a sense of responsibility, and the desire to give and receive, take and be taken. Now if you'll pardon me, I have some more reading to catch up on.

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What's next on the Kinky Virtual Book Tour? Click here to find out!

Sex Nerds Do It Better

2007-04-12T13:25:00.000-05:00

A couple of things:

Stormy Leather has been bought out by JT's Stockroom. Although I'm sad to see them "go", Stockroom.com assures that it plans on bringing the entire production team on board -- hopefully they'll continue to produce the same fabulous products, because the leather corset selection at stockroom.com is relatively tiny. Stormy Leather's retail store in San Francisco is having a big blow-out sale April 20th-30th... So, um, if anyone who lives there (like maybe a certain awesome baker-turned-PA!) wanted to go and get a Genevieve Corset (size small, please), I would love her forever even more (and express-mail a check, of course).

Also, the always witty Melissa Gira has a post up at Sexerati that's worth a glance-and-giggle: The 10 Reasons Why Sex Nerds Make Better Lovers. It's true, too, I can vouch from personal experience. I swear I'm only dating sex educators from now on. I think #3 is my favorite: sex nerds need study breaks. Let that be a lesson to friends and housemates who would walk in to a room saying "don't be having sex!" as though that were the furthest thing from possible.

"I was on my way to work!"

2007-04-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

I don't own a black lace bra. I'm pretty sure this is some kind of sex-blogger crime. When I told my (underwear loving) roommate that I was looking for one, she said "you mean you don't have one?" as though the sky was falling down around her.

So yes, I'm looking for the perfect black lace bra. Preferably with matching panties. I want it for a lot of reasons: to go with my black garter belt, to show off to my beau, to take naughty pictures in. Mostly, though, I want it because I deserve it, and because I haven't splurged on really lovely undergarments in a very long time.

I've scoured the internets and come up with a few contenders. Let me tell you, it's been hard work looking at all those ~~nipples~~bras. Whew.

So, blogosphere, have any personal favorites? I'm looking for something with lace cups, not padded (I'm happy with what I've got, thanks) but with underwire, more lace than mesh, but definitely something that shows a little nipple -- because what's a lace bra without some nipple?

Bonus points to anyone who gets the reference in the title of this post. More bonus points to anyone who gets that damn song out of my head.

Spankers and Slappers and Paddles, Oh My!

2007-04-11T15:49:00.000-05:00

I stood in front of the wall of spankers and slappers, fingering the wooden paddle. I liked its dimensions, but the handle felt too narrow to be held comfortably for any length of time. It was black, but poorly painted. It was dotted with little holes to eliminate wind resistance, making for a sharper, faster smack. That was good. But it looked to be made out of some cheap wood and I could already see it splintering around the holes. I pictured splinters in my ass. That was bad.

I remembered the paddles I’d seen online the night before. Unfortunately, my conscience and my wallet rejected the beautiful and expensive exotic wood paddles on spankers-r-us-dot-com. I let out a sigh, said my goodbyes to the cute gay boy at the counter, and headed out of the leather store and across the street to the woman-owned sex toy store.

I had been in the store before, but couldn’t remember if they even had an SM section. As upscale erotic boutiques go, this one… well, isn’t. All the decent toys – the Vixen products, the glass and metal toys, and the rabbit habits – are kept in glass display cases. Prime retail real-estate is devoted to cheesy, crude, cheap, ugly novelty items for use at bachelorette parties. There’s an enormous rack of trashy lingerie (y’know, the fun stuff), which I’ll admit I perused with interest before remembering that my A’s were unlikely to fill any of those outfits. Then I remembered why I was there. I approached the young women behind the counter, amused at my own feeling of camaraderie with these women I’d never met. When I asked for paddles, I was led to a room blocked off with a velvet rope. The clerk opened it for me, pointed me to the paddles and stood there waiting. Apparently we the people cannot be trusted alone with punishment implements.

I took off my jacket, lifted one leather paddle and smacked it against my forearm. Wimpy. I put it back and picked up the other, which was also leather but with a metal bar down the middle of the interior. This made me nervous. I went a little easy on my forearm. It was good, but not great. It wasn’t terribly well made despite its overcompensating price tag, and I could picture the leather wearing through. The woman standing behind me was making me nervous anyway, so I put it back, thanked her, and headed out.

I’ve been spanked by hand, flogged, belted, and even smacked with the back of a hairbrush. I don’t have a favorite (okay, that’s a lie, I love the belt). I like sting, but I crave the thud of a heavy paddle, the kind of pain that turns into an ache and is accentuated by each subsequent smack. I’ve scanned all the usual suspects online (you know the stores I’m talking about) and I’m not falling in love with anything. I’m intrigued by the idea of paddles made from recycled tire rubber – I mean, does it get anymore environmentally friendly than that – but I’m pretty sure they’re no longer being manufactured. A shame, since they look awfully painful.

Sigh. Whatever is a naughty girl to do?

photo: Rainbow Nights Paddle at EdenFantasys.com