Thankful and proud…

I am thankful for the path of blood, sweat, tears. Of young lives given; of thinking and wanting nothing in return; the sure focus, the pride of sacrificing all for one’s country – values – religion. The willingness to lay down one’s life to assure freedom for those yet to come.

I am proud of my husband, a patriot. Of his decision young in life to choose sacrifice; to choose the harder path; to live for a cause greater than himself.
I am proud to be living in the shadow of much greater women who have gone before me; to be living and serving alongside strong courageous women who sacrifice daily under the title of “military spouse.”

We live for our men, for our children, for our country.

Is there any greater calling?

Camera sent to Daniel from the very generous Sara

Attitude, Drama, and Toothless

I’m never bored.

Ever.

We expressed some emotions today:

Tired (Why yes I am, thanks for asking!)…

Mad (Some of us more than others)…

Silly (All of us)…

But, there’s lots of love…

Lots of love…

Too much, sometimes…

Mama sees the look of desperation in your eyes, baby. I’m comin’…

We love you and miss you, Daddy. We promise to save a bunch of kisses and hugs for you…

That’s been the way to describe me lately.

Simply having three small kids is busy enough. But raising them on my own is really busy. And then adding in homeschooling… that takes busy to a whole new level. Except that I have decided to add to the crazy and do a few photoshoots and another wedding with Amanda. Because why not? If I’ve already committed to the crazy… why not go all.the.way.

Last week I finished up editing Jen’s “Hot Mama” photoshoot. (I totally own at that I am slow at editing.)

She’s fierce, my friends. Very fierce. And totally beautiful.

I am working on editing Erin’s sweet family photoshoot…

Levi is the sweetest, smiliest baby. Love him.

Rosy and I did a photoshoot together…

We swapped photos for babysitting (I’m all for the barter system!)

On Friday I shot a “Rock the Frock” with Jen and her husband Jon… Oh, that was amazing! I am itching to rock my frock with Daniel now!

Their love is amongst my favorite. Absolutely beautiful.

Yesterday Amanda and I set out. She is hardcore, y’all. Totally sick but she was out there trekking through tall grass in barefeet.

We laughed a lot. I think that’s my favorite part of doing photoshoots… the laughing.

It’s me, 48 bazillion photos, photoshop, and Mozart after the kids go to bed. Every night. And I really love it.

So, life is busy. Yes, very busy. But, I am happy and ready for this final push towards the finish line. Christmas can’t come fast enough this year!

Happy Birthday love!

It’s hard to have to write this from so far away. We are meant to be together, and especially so for your especially special day. Today you may have friends and family around you (I hope you do) but I know that a Daniel-size part of you will feel alone. But know that alone isn’t always bad.

You alone have my love.
You alone can turn my day around with a smile and a hug.
You alone know me well enough to not need words.
You alone can narrow my focus so that we are the only two in the world.
You alone inspire me, with all that you do, your photography, your cooking, your love to help others.
You alone captured my heart and,
You alone will have my hand to hold, my lips to kiss, and my eyes to catch. . . forever.

I love you. Happy Birthday.

Your man.

Birthday letters from Daniel:

2008

2007

2006

I have been getting out and enjoying every bit of this season because I know I won’t have this opportunity again for maybe the rest of my life.

I took the kids grape picking at the vineyard this past Sunday evening.

It was, in one word, beautiful.

We enjoyed every minute of it. We had been a couple of weeks before that and it was lovely then, but for some reason the moodiness of the leafless vines…

…and the fallen grapes made it seem all the more beautiful.

The kids helped me pick, they taste-tested, they played tag up and down the rows (we were the only patrons), and they gave each other wagon rides.

Such a good time.

This past Thursday, my Mom and Dad invited us to go to a park with them for a picnic.

We are always up for picnics in parks with a fire and roasted hot dogs! Miss Eliza wore (Eve’s) pink beret the entire night.

She may be slightly in love with hats of any sort. Eliza wore that hat, or, “Haaa…” as she says, with great pride.

Even when she fell down (it’s tough “trailing” through the woods when you are little!) that hat stayed right on her head.

As Eve would tell you, fashion is where it’s at, even when one is “trailing.”

Eliza has taken that nugget of “truth” to heart!

We had a great time at the park; I can tell you exactly just how much fun by the amount of dirty laundry I had to wash!

I am thankful that I have had the energy and determination to get out while Daniel has been deployed. It hasn’t always been easy, in fact, sometimes it took more than I had to give. I have three small kids, after all! But, I refuse to have any regrets. I don’t want to look back on this time in my life and wish I had not held back. Sure, my heart waits for him but my life has moved forward. How discouraging it would be for Daniel to come home and see that I am still the same girl he left six months earlier!

Anyway, happy November first! Not only is it my birthday month,Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday!), and Judah’s birthday month… most importantly, I get to say: my husband is coming home NEXT MONTH!

Hooray!

I’ve been working on eating less food. And for this girl, the one who loves food and eating in general, it’s not easy. Or fun. And no, I’m not on a diet, I’m just trying to learn moderation, that’s all.

Last night I was at Wegmans (kid-free, mind you!) picking up a “few” necessities; I, with self-will on over-drive, walked by the fresh bread, (carb-lovers unite!) the pistachios, the cheese… At the health food store, I picked-up and put down the snack sized animal cookies I love so much, I walked by the display of Nana’s cookies, and the bulk section.

I came home and unloaded my groceries, my stomach growling the whole while. I had determined I was going to make a smoothie but time got away from me. And really, all I wanted to do was gnaw on a big hunk of cheese.

I am a late night snacker from way back. I love eating in the evenings. But, everyone in the know says that is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Kill joys.

So, I implemented the “no eating after 7 pm.” rule. And you know, I am a rule follower so there has been no eating after 7 for weeks now. Sigh.

I have noticed a difference in how my jeans fit me. And I feel like I sleep better. I don’t own a scale so I have no idea if there is a pound difference. But, I am happy that I am depriving myself, I mean, exercising self-discipline.

In a week I am starting a kick-boxing/Crossfit workout session at a local Crossfit gym. The session runs for nearly 2 months and will bring me right up to Daniel’s return.

While I exercise because it is good for my body and my mind and blah, blah, blah… really I just want to look better naked. Because in all manners of honesty and vanity, that matters to me.

So here’s to saying no to waffles this morning because I had already eaten a bagel, staring longingly at the pumpkin cake in the fridge after the kids have gone to bed, and looking better naked…

I may have to begrudgingly admit that maybe slightly less is more.

A little on the dangly side for the tender age of one… almost two. But she loves them; often swinging her head around so she can feel them move.

And I must say, they look especially darling on her.

I’ve always wanted to try them out and see if I liked the way they look on me. Because the way sunglasses look on a person really matters, wouldn’t you agree?!

I found a pair of the aviators at Old Navy for 6.99 and I thought, “Hey, I’ll give them a whirl for that cheap price.”

The first time Eve saw them on me, she put her hand on her hip and said, “Um Mom, no.”

End of story.

The next time Eve saw me wearing them she put both hands on her hips and after a minute of checking me out said, “Mom, rock stars wear those kind of glasses.” Which clearly implied that I am not a rock star.

End of story.

To her, anyways.

I shot back with a witty, “Well, I’m Daddy’s rock star!” ( So there!) (Take that!) (Put that in your pipe and smoke it!)

She “hmmmff-ed” at me and walked away.

What-EVER.

So, can I pull the rock star sunglasses off or is Eve right?

(Judah in beautiful abandon)

“Love me always, boy, whatever I do or leave undone.

And–God help me–whatever you do or leave undone, I’ll love you.

There shall never be a cloud between us for a day; no, sir, not for an hour.

We’re imperfect enough, all of us, we needn’t be so bitter…

And life is uncertain enough at its safest, we needn’t waste its opportunities.”

Taken from “Jackanapes”

Written by Juliana Horatio Ewing

Reading this quote (I have no idea where I saw it first) today really made me stop and think. There is so much truth packed into it…

Unconditional love; not letting anger get a foothold even for a moment; the blessed assurance that none of us is perfect so let’s allow grace to rule and move on already; the reality that life is delicate and shaky at best so live with abandon…

I love quotes. I have a book that I use to collect tons of them into. But now, I am noticing a shift in my thinking… a more thoughtful, quiet, slower way of looking at life (I am, after all, an old lady…pushing thirty.).

I find myself mulling over and over again, certain writings; figuring out if they are truth or just someone blowing hot air up my skirt. And this one? Truth. I hope to walk out this simplistic profundity all of my life.

I sleep on the same sheets we’ve slept on for years now. The same sheets we slept on before you left last time. The same sheets I slept on alone, before. And now, alone, again.

They started out as creamy flannel. And now they are silk, softened with use. Pregnant with memories.

Sometimes I slowly reach out my hand even though I know my fingers won’t collide with your body. I do it because I like to remember that they have. And one day they will again.

Sometimes I curl my body into a half moon and wish to once again feel your strong arm glide over and wrap itself around my middle and pull me into you. And if you did, I would lay there nestled in the place that was made only for me.

Our slow quiet breaths sometimes mismatch, sometimes harmonize. But together we would breathe in this abiding love.

I miss feeling you lay next to me. I miss your warm breath on my hair. I miss laying with you, as close as we possibly could be but always wishing it would be closer. I miss falling asleep, our legs and fingers and hearts tangled.

Come home, my love. Our sheets miss you.