Shades of Me

It has been awhile

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 06:29:00 +0000

I almost forgot about ya'll...just kidding.
But is has been a long time and so much has happened.
Barack Obama is the president and Tim Johnson is still the senator from South Dakota.
I am back in Florida and working on moving to Jacksonville.
I am loving Jesus.
I am reconnecting and letting some people go.
I am loving life.

More to come later...I promise.

I don't have much time

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:41:00 +0000

However, this is post worthy. Go Tim Go!!!

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0908/13143.html

Right as rain...

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 07:17:00 +0000

It's well past 2am, I'm listening to Adele(she is amazing), blogging on my trusty African-American Berry.
I'm inspired, I feel passionate, I feel at peace with myself. She sings "who wants to be right as rain, its better when some things are wrong..." Yet, with some things not as I would like them, I still feel right. It's interesting about rain. It always seems to come at the wrong time, inconviences people and their plans, but without it the order of growth would stop. The excess would not be washed away, growth stunted, empty lakes and rivers would not be filled, and cleansing would not be an option.
I still have uncertainies, my stomach churns a little, but I can't help but jump, because I feel right.
I love this trait about me, too passionate for my own good.
So at well past 2am, I can say I'm good. I'm in South Dakota, working, getting healed, feeling right as rain.

Time is ok. Lesson #2

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Sun, 11 May 2008 00:08:00 +0000

Since quitting my job...I realize I have time. There are a couple of ways to look at time. It can either be a gift or a non-renewable resource. I have always considered time from the latter point of view. My type A personality views time as something you never got back (imagine me screaming:" NO TIME...THERE IS NO TIME!!: Yes those words have come out my mouth on several occassions). Thus I had to make the most of it. Do, do, do...go, go, go, achieve, achieve, achieve. So I did. And the gift of time became a constant antagonizer and reminder of what I have yet to achieve.

So why quit a job that was pushing me to the path of greater success and ultimately leave the industry in which I was acheiving so much? Because in the process I lost joy and was beginning to lose myself. Those two things are not worth the sacrifice.

So now I have time. Time to love, to garden, work out, work at Starbucks (if they'll have me), time to study for the LSAT, time to get back to me. This is a gift...I think.

I mean, I know this is exciting and new. Anything is possible. So it is a gift, but I can't help but be a little apprehensive about all this time. My antagonizer, my performance mentality, constantly taunts me with that time is running out and I'm losing.

However...my friends Truth and Reality kicks in and lets me know time is ok.

So I just quit my job...Lesson #1

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Wed, 07 May 2008 03:13:00 +0000

Yes, I just wrote it. I quit my job. It is a good thing...a very good thing.
Without going into to much detail, it was best for both parties. The thing is, I learned that I cannot sacrifice myself for a job or a person. Saying "Enough is enough" is ok.
Am I happy...hecks yeah (I totally ran through my house screaming "I'm free! I'm free"). Am I nervous...hecks yeah. Is this a new beginning(and I have no idea what I am going to do)...hell yeah and its good.

P.S.I heart Juno and Charles Steven is the cheese to my macaroni.

Oh Yeah, Facebook?

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:31:00 +0000

I am digressing from our regularly scheduled programming. But I got this from Clayton Bell. This what Facebook would look like in reality. HUH-LARIOUS!! It's giving me second thoughts....

Don't call it a comeback

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Thu, 01 May 2008 11:39:00 +0000

Yes, I've been gone for a minute and I shouldn't have left you without something to step to (LOL...I know..you gotta love Timberland and Aaliyah).

I have been in Tallahasse for two months tomorrow (Praise that session ends tomorrow) and I have learned a lot during this time. It has been incredibly intense, hard, and rewarding. The interesting part about this is the time in Tallahassee was more intense than Reno. Maybe because I was in a familiar place but even with familiarity all around I could not rely on the external. Isolation, in its various forms, tests who you are, draws things out, and can also heal.

For that reason, the next few blogs are going to be about session and what I learned (good and bad). I hope you enjoy.

It's been a long time...

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:25:00 +0000

I don't have a lot of time right now...but I wanted to put something up to let ya'll I am still here.

I have learned a lot. Learned what I want, learned what I DON'T want, learned what I am willing to sacrifice....and what I am NOT. Life is good, learning is healing, and I love to laugh.

MK

So I'm Learning...

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 19:03:00 +0000

Appearance is everything. What may be innocent to you, someone may interpret the situation different and all of sudden your character and integrity are called into question. In my humble opinion these are the only two traits that matter because if you lack character or integrity everything else is moot.
I’m learning I must be more vigilant in carrying myself circumspectly. It is easy to get lax. I think it's the nature of life, we get comfortable and think we are good, and get into a routine of striving to carry ourselves honorably (well at least I do). However, when it is time to grow and come up another level, the heat has to get turned up. You never know what you are made of until you are tested.
So once again, my convictions and standards are being challenged and once again, I must rise to the occasion.

Babies...

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 22:55:00 +0000

I love them and there is a new one to love. Two of my friends just had their first baby girl, Caroline Grace Bell. There story is amazing, their faith is unmatched, their baby girl is darling, and they are some of the coolest and realest people I know. See The Bells

Congrats Bells!!

It's That Time Of Year

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 00:03:00 +0000

SESSION!!
The next 60 days will be hellish, kinda like working on a caucus.
So if I am a little incognegro...please understand. I'll be posting from time to time but if its infrequent ya'll know why.

MK

When I say I love you

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:18:00 +0000

Perhaps if we (I include myself) take this attitude (and not stop at the wedding day)just maybe more marriages would stay together, more hearts would be touched and healed, and just maybe a world could change.
Just one girl's humble opinion. Watch and Enjoy!

Brought to you by.....THE MONTH OF MARCH!!

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 04:05:00 +0000

IT'S ALMOST HERE!!! What do you ask? My favorite month, March. I love the month of March. I was born in September but I want every other notable event in my life to take place in March. Why? I am glad you asked. March always seems like the New Year to me (I happened to look up the origin of March and apparently in ancient Rome it was the first month of the year. Also many other cultures and religions celebrate March as the beginning of the New Year). March=new, life, green(all things that I love).
For the last 4 years it seems the first two months are always the most difficult of the new year. Which is incredibly frustrating because coming from a Black Pentecostal tradition, which I greatly appreciate, the “This is your year” message that is preached every New Year's eve service is seemingly lost on me, especially in those first two months.
However, without fail things turn around in March. It’s not always some super huge experience or a check in the mail. It’s more precious than any check or lightening bolts. It is the hardest thing to articulate so here is the best way to explain what happens: Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5) and It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22,23) God redeems, He encourages, and He honors His word.
This is year is no different. I don’t know how it works out this way; maybe because around this time I am usually transitioning or I’m learning a lesson; who knows. All I know is that I wouldn’t trade March for anything! Bring on that March 1st!

The Good Things About March (in no particular order):
1) New Beginings
2) Green
3) Shamrocks
4) Spring
5) March Madness
6) St. Patrick's Day
7) Gold at the end of the rainbow!
8) March weddings
9) March babies
10) Life

I've Always Had A Passion For Flashin'

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:02:00 +0000

So this has been a Kanye type of few weeks. I have all of his albums and have so many othere artists on my Ipod that he has produced or inspired.
Yes, I know he is arrogant. I know many may not like him. I know he shows his behind all the time. But my best friend Kayla(who is the best kept secret in the fashion industry...be on the look out. The world is not ready) and I had a conversation and these are some of the very reasons we like him. He says what he feels (even if its not PC) and he stands behind it. You gotta respect that. We also love how he combines his love of music with his love of fashion (neither, in my humble opinion are mututally exclusive).
That's all nothing deep or life changing (I'm watching America's Best Dance Crew...this show is so dope and JC Chasez is such a hater).

Some of my favorite Ye lyrics from Graduation:
Life is a, uh, depending how you dress her. So if the devil wear Prada, Adam and Eve wear nada, I'm somewhere in between, but way more fresher."

You don't see just how wild the crowd is?
You don't see just how fly my style is?
I don't see why I need a stylist
When I shop so much I can speak Italian

Looking Back and Letting Go

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 18:33:00 +0000

So in the last couple of weeks I've been looking back and letting go. There is a point you have to grieve your past (past mistakes, past events, past hurts) and eventually let go. I am realizing if you do not, the past will contanimnate anything new God is trying do. Whether we realize it or not, we operate of the past so many times. The past is important but it's the past for a reason.
One of my greatest friends, confidantes and advisors touched on this in her blog today: http://alisonlhunt.blogspot.com/. I invite you to read, look back and let go.

Listen To My Heart

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:48:00 +0000

So many times when there is miscommunication or disagreements we focus on the words or the language the person is using. Therein lies the problem. A great friend of mine reminded me today: To focus on the heart.
When we begin to speak from the heart and listen to the other person's heart and not out of flesh (i.e. fear, rejection, hurt) the translation and outcome is miraculously different. When we choose to love past ourseleves and disenge from the thoughts of "If you would only do this" or "I wish you would say this" it comes back to love. Out of faith, hope and love; the greatest is love.
I'm not telling you what I heard; I'm talking about what I am learning and currently walking through.
Real love is:

Less about getting your needs met
Not running at the first sign of trouble
Praying for the other person
Forgiveness
Loving past yourself
Overcoming offense
Listening
Fighting fair
Seeing yourself for who you are

Is love mess? Sure is. Is it beautiful? Sure is. Is God faithful? Does the sun rise every morning?

I hope you are listening to my heart.

I Thought We Were All Grown

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 17:10:00 +0000

But apparently not and some of us have not mastered the art of dissenting respectfully.

Here are the rules:

1) Please comment ( I'm kinda a comment whore) but always, always, be respectful. If there is any verbal sparring that goes over the line; Please believe, I will have no problem deleting your comment. Also, please don't post anonymously. It's kinda wussy. If you have something to say be man or woman enough to state your identity.

2) Really that's the only rule...and remember it's my blog (I do what I want!!- Thanks Anna and Clayton!) :-)

Best,
Michele

It's Valentines Day....

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 01:30:00 +0000

This is the obligatory post about Valentines Day.
I used to think my love languages were gifts and words of affirmation (buy me things and tell me how great I am...yeah I know). However, my current relationship is solidfying the following facts:
1) I love and need quality time.
2) Its the little things that matter.
3) Love and loving past yourself is hard as hell
4) I have the tendency to over-react (just a little).

Its ironic (and humbling) in the last three weeks since I've moved back to Florida, that I have been realizing these things on a deeper level. It was easy to hide from or ignore them when I was in Reno working 16 hours a day (note: For those who may not know, I spent five months in Reno, NV as an organizer for Sen. Hillary Clinton).
I was prideful to have the attitude "I'm good, it's him" HA! Gets you everytime (and I have never apologized this much in my life).

Yet now I am seeing, buy me things and tell me how great I am is no subsitute for time and physical presence (hmm... like another relationship I know). Its the little things, the texts, the calls, etc...that touch my heart more than anything. Also, I Corinthians 13 is a beautiful chapter to quote, makes me cry at weddings...walking it out is a whole different story. I'm selfish, I want what I want; when I want it...and I can over-react (just a little).

So this Valentines Day, with a wonderful man in my life, I am learning to love in a new way. It's more real, it's more messy. But by God, it's more beautiful.

I'm Writing...

noreply@blogger.com (MK) — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 02:25:00 +0000

I'm writing because I have something to say. I'm writing because I have a lot to learn. I'm writing because I get it right a lot and mess up even more. I'm writing because laughter saves me. I'm writing to be honset, exposed and free. I'm writing because I want to share.

I hope you will join.

Best,
Michele