Shangri-Los Angeles

Note to Self:

2014-02-20T22:09:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here in a while. Why? I'm afraid. I'm afraid someone will see me. I'm afraid of etching out my life on this little blog, for fear it won't turn out as I planned. I'm afraid that my mistakes will be on display and I won't be able to forget them or pretend it didn't happen. Wanna know a secret?

I'm afraid of everything.

Of walking from my car to my front door.

Of sharp objects, cliches, and seeing pain.

Of trying something new.

Of being noticed.

Of taking the plunge.

Of being forgotten.

Of saying goodbye.

Of saying hello.

Of talking about my fears.

And a lot more things I'm, you guessed it, too afraid to admit.

Out of necessity, my motto has been:

Done.

Juicing Detox Diet Part 2

2013-07-23T01:36:00.003-07:00

Day 2 of 4 of my Juicing Detox Diet:

Weight: 131.5

Weight is down...like, a lot. It has me wondering if all I have to do to lose ten pounds is drink juice for a week, which I'm totally down with. I'm not as utterly depressed over not having food. Everything goes down hill at the company happy hour, however, when I have half a glass of some super spicy cocktail and then a stella. AND THEN, I go to a friend's birthday where I consumer ANOTHER beer and two bites of mac and cheese. I fully disclose to everyone there I'm on a juice cleanse. They assure me it's okay to have two bites. #wherearemytruefriends #nothere.

Day 3 of 4 of my Juicing Detox Diet:

Weight: 129.5

Hallelujah, I'm back in the 20s. It's like turning back the hands of time. Except it's the ticker on the scale. I tried to tell myself when I started that this was more about health than weight, but numbers don't lie and it's hard not to celebrate. However, the seemingly easy weightloss has me wondering if a.)I will gain it all back as soon as I go off and b.) if my normal diet is actually abnormally loaded with carbs, sweets, and calories, and if I were to simply eat a little healthier, I would be skinnier without extreme liquid diet measures. Answer: yes.

I felt a little faint today, but powered through. AND THEN. Pizza is delivered to the office. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY. I DESERVE NATIONAL RECOGNITION. I mean, when I was 10 and could touch my toes and do three pull-ups (which I now consider impressive but at the time I was like 75 pounds so, eh) I got a letter from Bill Clinton congratulating me for being awarded the Presidential Fitness Award. This obviously set me up to value this sort of attention later in life. Where is my health badge? My scholarship to juicing school? My money for losing five pounds of my very own weight?

Nowhere to be found.

But as they say,

...except avocados. On the third day of your cleanse.

Juicing Detox Diet

2013-06-18T23:40:00.001-07:00

As my 25th year came to a close, I decided to check something off of my bucket list: a juicing detox diet. When I looked into local juiceries (is that the correct term?), I realized fulfilling this dream of mine would set me back a couple hundred bucks. For juice. Um, no good. Then, as fate would have it, I got an email from Groupon informing me of a four day juice cleanse that would only cost me $75. Between my trips to Mrs. Winston’s salad bar, my ~~occasional~~ frequent frappuccino indulgence, and my Whole Foods hot bar habit, I’m basically almost spending that anyway, so I decide to spring for it.

After scheduling my juice cleanse at Extract (there was about a month back-up due to the Groupon’s popularity), I promptly enter it into my calendar and forget about it. Cut to: the day before my cleanse, when a reminder pops up on my phone. Surprise cleanse! That is probably the best approach to a cleanse anyway. I frantically consume lots of potatoes and Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups in preparation.

The Details: Four day cleanse, with four juices and one detox tea per day. I also get one raw foods snack per day: dried oats, carrots, and celery are on the menu.

Weight: While I’m not doing the cleanse necessarily to lose weight, it would be um, okay, I guess, if I did lose weight. I start the cleanse at…eep! 134. My “happy place” (aka what my acting resume says) is about 125 (I’m 5’6”), so it’d be cool to shed nine lbs in four days. Just saying.

Day 1

It’s hard to stay away from coffee this morning. I started drinking coffee pretty regularly (in small quantities) about a year ago. The office is cold this morning and that java smell is permeating throughout the building. Also, I had to walk past a Starbucks just to pick my cleanse up. Also, my building is right next to a Coffee Bean. Temptation catcalls, but I ignore it.

The first juice is pretty tasty. A little sweet for my taste, so I consider adding lots of cayenne pepper once I get home. In an office full of girls, news of my cleanse gets around pretty fast, and people start checking in on me and offering advice. I welcome the attention, as I figure the more people I tell about it, the more obligated I will feel to fulfill the cleanse. One person tells me (with all the seriousness with which a premed student might tell you that you need to get a mole checked out) I need to go and get myself a drybrush as my lymphatic system is very delicate during juicing and can be stimulated by roughing my skin up a bit. I’m intrigued.

As lunch rolls around, I realize I depend on food emotionally as I start to get that sad feeling that happens in my stomach right before I cry when I think about how there is no lunch to look forward to. But then Darius Rucker starts blasting in my headphones as I pop open my second bottle of juice and my mood lifts a bit. The remainder of the day is a roller coaster emotionally, as I experience the Doldrums, outrage (forgetting that the cleanse was self-imposed), and jealousy at the sight of solid, sodium-filled food others are consuming.

After heading home, I read a couple of stories about detox and start to feel more inspired.

Then I ate an avocado. Which I feel like might be okay, because it’s raw and good for me and I’m pretty sure it’s always included on lists of “superfoods” which are obviously essential to my well-being. What’s maybe not okay is the soy sauce I dribble all over its green flesh. I then eat a spoonful of hummus straight from the container. Then I pull myself together and have a detox tea, play some Enya, run a detox bath, and consider slathering my entire body in coconut oil. I’m clearly not in the best place mentally, but my heart is in it, and there’s no turning back on my juicing detox diet now.

…to be continued.

Emma Watson’s Braided Updo

2013-06-06T01:46:00.001-07:00

She and I share the same initials. Naturally, we also share hair secrets. I mean, we’re close, she and I. We may even start a friendly competition of Who Braided Best, as Emma Watson wore a super complicated braided updo to the premiere of the Bling Ring movie, and I wore the same updo to work and around my apartment just a day later. In my opinion, my updo was pretty successful. Girls were intrigued by the labyrinth occupying my skull, stopping me to stare at its intricate braiding and taking it in for quite some time before moving on. Guys, on the other hand, seemed perplexed. “It looks like a basket",” and “Wow, that’s…complicated” were the closest things to compliments I got.

Personally, I really liked it. Typically the only kind of updo I attempt is a two-second top knot (and I don’t even use an elastic…or a brush…or a mirror), so something this complex is not usual for me. It felt like I could go from a yoga class to, say, a movie premiere, without feeling too dressed up or down.

For a tutorial on how to recreate Emma Watson’s braided updo, head over to Totalbeauty.com.

Share Your Love

2013-03-19T15:27:00.001-07:00

I came across this video recently, and found it incredibly cute, and touching, and well, beautiful.

Have you ever been shocked to find that someone you wanted to like you, actually liked you? I can remember a few moments like this. There’s nothing quite like it.

Polka Dot Talk

2013-03-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

I saw this shirt in a store about a week ago, and it was one of those moments when I instantly knew I wanted it. Occasionally I debate about purchases – sometimes based on price point, need of the item, or occasions on which I may actually wear it – but this one was for sure the sec0nd I locked my eyes on it.

I’m debating if I should sew gold sequins on the yellow dots. Even this shirt can be improved upon by sparkles.

Polka dots are such a fun, timeless, yet trendy pattern. They’ve been a staple in my wardrobe since 1991. Possibly earlier, but I started having a say in my wardrobe around that time so I can only take credit for what happened after that point.

Polka dots remind me of Springtime. Wearing them is like throwing confetti on your clothes to celebrate the arrival of Spring. It’s been a gloomy couple of days in Santa Monica, but today the sun has started to peek through the fog. Below are some of the polka dot pieces I’d love to wear this Spring.

Karen Millen bubble dress / TFNC / Halston Heritage retro dress / Kate Spade / Madewell / Kate Spade wool scarve / Kate Spade / KATE SPADE NEW YORK Mercer Isle Cindy
Clearly Kate Spade and I are kind of having a moment right now.

Happy Friday!

2013-03-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

For your entertainment, below are some of the links I found interesting this week:

Oh Em Gee, Los Angelenos. How fun would this be? If this goes into effect, I may regret supporting it one late night/early morning in the future, but for now I’m on board.

After all their dreams came true: one of the reasons I’m thankful the internet exists.

HBO’s Girls. People have a lot of opinions about this show. I found this article spot on.

I felt really big and then really small.

This weekend I’ll be celebrating my Irish heritage in full force. My roommates and I will be having an Irish brunch on our rooftop and I’m making green Jell-O shots! Which I think of as traditional brunch fare.

I’m gonna have to pull out the Irish Princess crown again. Yes, I kept it from last year.

My Little Pink Room

2013-03-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

At the end of April, I’ll be moving out of the house I have shared with three girls since 2010. When I first moved in, I painted my room pink, because I’ve always wanted to. Rainbows and flowers and sparkles abound. It’s super girly, so much so that we named my room The Unicorn Grove when we first moved in. The other girls named theirs The Belfry and The Duck Pond, if my memory serves me correctly. Our house we named the Bunny Hole, since we were all born in the year of the Rabbit. A lot of fun times have been had at the Bunny Hole, and I will really miss living here. While I’m sort of looking forward to developing a new, semi-adult style, today I looked around my little pink room and took note of all the things I’ll miss about it.

The display of all the sweet cards I’ve received over the past year. I hung them on a string calendar from 2011 my brother and sister-in-law gave me.

The Woodruff Ave vintage sign I found at the Rose Bowl Flea Market. It’s resting on my bookshelf now. (Woodruff is my last name.)

The anthro knobs I hung by my closet to hang my baubles on.

This candle, which I’m literally burning out. I have big plans to refill it with my own homemade candle, though!

The window that makes my room the hottest in the house. While that may not be ideal for some, this Florida girl thrives in the heat. As does this little baby succulent Valerie gave me. Look, he’s so alive, Val!

This quote inspires me to live and act extraordinarily, even in ordinary circumstances. Here’s to the beginning of a new Fairy Tale.

In My Bachelor Best

2013-03-13T00:40:00.000-07:00

So I have been a fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette tv show since Jillian's season in 2009. I was intrigued by a pair of red cowboy boots she wore with a black fringe dress. Something about it just spoke to me, and that's when I started googling her wardrobe from the show. And also watching every episode, ever, including the Bachelor Pad spinoff.

Over the years, as the format of the show becomes increasingly predictable to a seasoned viewer, I found myself fast forwarding to the end, when the elimination begins. This is the good stuff. This season, the "winner" wore a one-shoulder gold gown, and the "loser" wore a silver racer back dress. I've seen the Olympics, so I knew how it was going to go down. I didn't particularly appreciate either of their choices, but it got me thinking about what I would wear if I ever go on the Bachelor and make it to the final two. Which I would, because at this point I could write a handbook on this show. And then I would do the crazy switchup where the contestant reveals she has a boyfriend. Bam! Anyway, here are my choices, for the Bachelor, my next (and first) black tie wedding, or in the instance I get famous and get asked to Prom again. Or just for sitting around. Or heading to Trader Joe's. Actually, I went to Whole Foods recently sort of dressed up and it was really awkward. So I don't recommend that. Even if you're like, Hellooooo I am clearly just buying a bottle of cool champagne to share before I go out somewhere really cool, all you sad people who are not doing that!

Anyway, here are my choices, courtesy of Rent the Runway.

I die. Obviously, I am a winner. With the eye of a crow.

Because I am a fairytale princess and I should be allowed to reflect that with all my netting and flounce. Also, I would have a more princessy look on my face. Because I would rule with a magnanimous fist. Except don't borrow my dress.

This one is aptly named meteor shower. I would expect this song Meteor to play every time I enter a room. Which is by a band I used to listen to a lot in college. Which I hope wouldn't trick my subconscious into thinking I should behave as a college student. That wouldn't be becoming of a lady in such a dress.

And lastly, this number. So floaty and airy and delicate, like a queen of the snowflakes and peppermints. And, let me tell you, I am a fan of the figure skating style mesh. For sure. For always.

Dresses, from top to bottom: Badgley Mischka, Reem Acra, Rebecca Taylor, Catherine Deane.

A few things brightening up my life lately:

2012-08-01T19:03:00.001-07:00

This dress I ordered from tobi.com a few days ago that I got in the mail today. Lovvvves it. I found out about the website after gushing to an almost stranger about how much I loved her dress and she told me about the website. Some of it is kind of iffy, but I love this dress! I got two more as well. Because I can’t help myself. Current dress count: 80+

These two, for whom I've been babysitting lately. They’re the artists behind the fine art I featured in my last post.

Finally getting the right materials to make this necklace (tutorial here):

Finishing this heart painting that pinterest inspired. I used sparkles for the last heart:

Receiving this in the mail today!!!! I LOVE SPARKLEZ.

Using it to make homemade cards:

Get excited, Everyone I Know Who Has A Birthday. I’ve got an arsenal of sparkles, blank notecards, and a whole lot of enthusiasm. Um, I even made that gold liner for the envelope. I find myself impressive.

Sometimes the simplest things…

2012-07-27T15:43:00.001-07:00

…touch your heart the most.

The best gifts are those that are a labor of love. Do you like my red dress? :)

10 Things That Make Me Happy (Part 2)

2012-07-24T13:02:00.001-07:00

6. This picture of my little brother and I, taken in the late ‘90s. The height difference is still there, it’s just opposite now.

7. My collection of books from my childhood. Anne of Green Gables, Little House on the Prairie, The Secret Garden, and Every. Roald. Dahl. Book. Published. They’re all worn and dogeared and some of them literally have been chewed by a dog. I used to reread books if I didn’t go to the library often enough and I swear I read all of them 10 times each. Really. I’m not exaggerating. And I went to the library once a week. I have this super power where I can ignore ANYTHING if I’m reading (including time) so I would read whenever I was sent to my room for punishment. Joke’s on you, Parents. The jig is up.

8. Straws. Preferably stuck in bubble water. I have one cup I love a lot that has a reusable straw (that is BPA free TOO!) so this love is not as bad for the environment as it may seem. Aren’t these vintage-inspired straws fun?

9. My grandmother’s engagement ring. She was married to my grandfather when she was 17, and starting having kids right after (8 in total). The ring is delicate and tiny and the one below from an etsy store with vintage engagement rings reminds me of it. She got a different one later on, and my mother gave me my grandmother’s first ring a few years ago after she passed away. It’s interesting to think about how different our lives are. Sometimes when I’m feeling particularly anti-social when I’m out I put it on my left hand. It’s kind of like wearing a post-it that says “don’t talk to me” on your forehead.

10. A vase full of fresh flowers, which I’ve been trying to keep on hand all summer. My favorite flower is the gardenia, but you can’t really buy those by the stem, so I found a plant down the street (bordering a local dive bar, no less) but I hate that I’m taking them away from everyone else (and their own little flower lives) so I haven’t picked one yet. Instead I’ve been relying on weekly 4-5 dollar bouquets from Trader Joe’s in pinks, purples, and yellows.

Those are my things! What things make you happiest?

P.S. Find the first half of my favorite material things here.

10 Things That Make Me Happy

2012-07-19T00:54:00.000-07:00

The title of this post suggests it will be one of those popular posts in which the blogger glorifies or laments in list form. Well, it is. Not only that, it’s going to be drawn out across 2 posts.

Last Sunday I watched the new Bravo TV show, “Ten Things That Make Me Happy”. They featured celebutante Kyle Richards of "Housewives of Beverly Hills" Fame, and the self-described “Maker” Jonathan Adler. Richards came off as superficial, naming her Chanel Bags, hair, and a 10 carat diamond ring, but she also included her sweat pants and her homemade lasagna. Adler included a local pizza, a ping pong table, his husband’s shirts, and a hilarious picture of a 3-year-old pageant toddler he has framed at his apartment entrance.

It got me thinking what I would choose if I were to pick 10 things that make me happy – not experiences, or people, or activities, or places – but 10 actual things that I can touch. Here’s my list:

1. White Noise Machines, which for me is a fan I got for $15 on Amazon. I love that it drowns out the noises of the neighbors. It’s something I either adopted from or inherited from my mother, who packs her fan in her suitcase whenever she goes on a trip. I also sometimes use www.rainymood.com when I'm especially missing the Florida daily summer storms.

2. Candles. My favorite candle I’ve ever burned is made for Anthropologie by Illume. It’s called Sweet William’s Way, which is very fitting. The first house I lived on was called Sweet Leaf Lane and the second was called William James Way. I can’t find it for purchase anywhere so I no longer burn it, I just take the lid off and allow the mix of chamomile, lemon and amber to permeate the air.

3. This skirt by J. Crew. I seriously lived in it when I first got it. I even once got an offer from someone to literally buy it off of me. I mainly wear it around the holiday season, but really it can be paired with anything. Except maybe not more sequins. Though I must say, I’ve never met a sequin I didn’t like. And I adore each and every one that adorns this skirt.

It's good for Taylor Swift concerts as well.

4. Bubby Water. I love it. I drink so much more water now that I use the Sodastream machine at home. I like bubbles in the air, bubbles in my bath, and bubbles in my drinking water. Bubbles. They’re the best.

5. Recipes handwritten by my mother and grandmother. They taste familiar and like home and I love the fact that they took the time to write them down so carefully. I would just send myself a link or pin it or bring Better Homes and Gardens to the store with me, but there’s something that so vividly recreates my ancestry and the bond created between female family members when I think of how recipes were passed down from mother to daughter for centuries. If you don't have the handwritten version, you can give your favorite recipe to Articipe, and then you can have art + your recipe combine.

Those are my first five. The second five will come in my next post. I'm afraid to post it all at once because because what if I think of something BETTER that I didn't think to include when I first wrote this? This does not seem to be a list you can edit.

What are your favorite material things?

Beach Day

2012-07-16T22:40:00.001-07:00

This weekend I went to the beach for my first true beach day of the summer. Due to “May Gray” and “June Gloom” it wasn’t really warm enough by my Floridian standards for the beach.

While it was supposed to be about 72 degrees, the day remained cloudy for the most part – “July Cry,” anyone?

Regardless, add in beach volleyball and some ice cold BL nums and you’ve still got yourself a pretty good beach day.

Eventually the sun did come out – check out the difference between the above pic and the one below!

I don’t actually participate in the ball playing because I can’t bring myself to stand directly under it. I just close my eyes at the last second and run away. Instead, I provided carrots and pretzels to hungry players. And next time I WILL STICK MY HEAD IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN. Along with the rest of my body. Full submersion.

After, we went to Wurstkuche in Venice and I had the Vegetarian Smoked Apple Hotdog. Delish. I didn’t get the fries, but I had a lot of other people’s fries so now I know to get them next time.

My friend Nealie was in from San Diego (where she was on a work trip, she lives in FL).

We went to Other Room in Venice from there.

Nealie & I

Me and ValPal:

Normal:

We’re actually imitating an adorable dog named Carl (he has a twitter, find him @carlthedog) who my roommate has been petsitting for a friend. He’s got soulful eyes and I let him sleep on my bed. BIG STEP, PEOPLE.

This weekend I’m hoping to try out a new (vegetarian friendly) breakfast place and maybe head out to the beach again.

Tata!

Emily

Twilight Concert Series

2012-07-13T15:00:00.001-07:00

Last night I experienced what is to be the first of many concerts at the Santa Monica Pier. The Twilight Concert Series is now in its 28th year. Every Thursday, from July 5 to September 6, a new band will be showcased at the pier, ranging from Reggae to Indie Pop to Brass Band, among many other styles.
We ate at Pier Burger beforehand, a new restaurant that was pretty tasty. I think I’ll try their frozen custard next time. We also bought some of the kettle corn they were selling on the pier, which was deeeeelicious but perhaps maybe a mistake as it’s a huge bag and for whatever reason I was literally shoving it in my mouth nonstop. We also visited the Sonoma wine garden tent they had set up and enjoyed a Pacifico.
It started raining right as the opening act performed, but I actually didn’t mind. One of my favorite things is rain at the beach.

Next time, I'll definitely head down to the beach area to stake out a spot where you can also view the stage. I'll be bringing a blanket and maybe some food and drink to enjoy. Cheers to summer nights.

P.S. Just purchased Emily's new book! Excited for a fun read.

All That Glitters

2012-06-18T14:53:00.001-07:00

In my dream world, I would buy a new dress for every occasion. Also in my dream world, I would consider things like “checking the mail” an occasion, so this is actually not a feasible thing. Instead, I often buy dresses with no particular occasion in mind. When I see something that sparkles, I need no justification for purchase.
The dress I wore on my birthday I saw and immediately knew it must be mine. It’s pink, sparkly, and by Kitson, which I formerly thought just made kitschy novelty items and t-shirts making references to pop culture.
Here are some other dresses that inspired me. Most of them are in the gold color family, as I thought that would be appropriate for a golden birthday.
This one by Alice + Olivia. It’s even called a princess dress.
Love the bow detail on the back of this skirt.
Soooo sparkly and fluffy.
Sometimes it’s good to have a simple design if you choose to cover yourself in shiny things.
If I had prom to do over…
Not sure why this French Connection dress is called Rainbow as it appears to be yellow and silver, but I’m still down.

And of course, my style icon knocks all of those out of the park. Let me get at that dress, Tay!

It’s not even my birthday

2012-06-18T12:10:00.001-07:00

This weekend I kicked off my birthday celebrations a good ten days early in Newport Beach. I’ll be going out of town for the next three weekends (to three different locations, no less), so it was the only time to celebrate Cali style (and Rihanna style)!

Let the presents begin!

Note the sparkly personalized koozies. I have a talented friend, no? I think she should quit her job and open an Etsy store, perhaps named kustom koozies. I’m hoping this blog post will give her the publicity she needs and allow my readers to realize their deep desire for a kustom kooz. I had a strong dislike for all phonetic alliteration until I joined a sorority in college and attended kappa krush parties.

Proof that you’re never too old for a wand. And a photo shopped tiara.

Thanks so much to everyone who celebrated with me. I feel truly blessed.

Malibu Wines

2012-06-15T17:26:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I had the pleasure of celebrating a few birthdays at Malibu Wines in…Malibu. It’s a really beautiful venue with lots of tables, umbrellas to block the sun, Adirondack chairs to relax in, live music, and of course, wine. My chair even had a little cut-out on one of the arms to slip a wine glass stem through for safekeeping – um, genius.

The place encourages that you bring your own picnic, and our group brought lots of dishes to share. I made red velvet cake balls based on this recipe over at Bakerella. They are soooo delicious! I covered them with rainbow sprinkles which automatically makes them doubly as tasty.

My bestie and me a few glasses in (and sharing a chair)

These folks know how to jazz up a lawn.

This weekend I’m going to begin celebrating my birthday (a full ten days in advance!) with a few girlfriends in Newport Beach. It’s my golden birthday so I feel like it’s okay. I will be in full Tiara mode. This is how I feel about wearing a tiara. And I’m not afraid to show it.

Hair, Hair

2012-02-24T00:53:00.001-08:00

Tonight I decided I should dye my own hair. I'm not sure from whence this desire came, as I've never done it before and hadn't given it much thought. I think I was just in this place where I had been starting to do something all day, or planning on doing something and then never got a result. I wanted change. Drastic change. Obviously I chose a dye two shades lighter than my own.

I knew (after limited internet googling) I wanted to use a semi permanent dye so that when I effed it up I didn't have to spend hundreds of dollars fixing it. Or, alternatively, walk around with bad hair, as likely would have been the case. I chose "white chocolate" from the Loreal "healthy look" line from my local CVS.

I came home and rubbed vaseline around my hair line as I had been instructed by the internets so I didn't dye my face. Though white chocolate all over my face could have been a nice effect.

Here is a before drizzling white chocolate all over my head.

Here is the during:

I think that is my I'm dyeing my hair and may blog about it! face.

Another during. I'm waaaaiting.

ANNNNNND here is the after

Me likey. It ended up being a little redder, but not red really. It looks a little green in the picture. I hope that is not the case in real life. A nice little change that I think only I will notice. It's supposed to last for 28 washes. We shall see, Loreal.

I'm gonna find my purpose

2011-08-08T17:47:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to get back into blogging lately. I've literally pulled up this screen several times and thought to myself, "Okay! HERE WE GO! BLOG TIME!" I even sort of had this tune in my head. It goes like this: "Bloggin again, back on the prowl." Instead of, "Single again, back on the prowl," inspired by this song.

But then I just sit here and stare at all the white space. What should I blog about? I tried looking at other blogs to find inspiration. I tried reading current events to try and think about my opinions and if they speak to any greater issues I'd like to address. I think about blogging about my day or catching people up or treating it like an email to someone I haven't talked to in two years but I find that nothing comes out. Makes me think.

What do I want to say to people? Do I have anything to say?

I guess the nature of blogging is pretty narcisstic when you boil it down. What makes me think people want to read my thoughts? Especially if I don't have a targeted audience. What makes me an authority on anything? Should that even matter? Why am I even writing this?

I still don't have an answer to that. I guess I'm not very willing to share the details of my life with people on the internet but perhaps that will change one day. I guess until then it'll just be about my thoughts. That wasn't very conclusive. I just love blogs and the internet so it makes sense I should have one. As mentioned in previous posts, I've had one since I was about 14. So I guess I'll keep it. Blogging along. Trying to find some clarity. Or purpose. What is purpose? It's that little flame,that lights a fire under your ass.

I'm gonna find it!

Friday Five

2010-11-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

Five Things I am Thankful for this Friday

1. I love it when I don't have to wait for the walk sign to light up. As in, I think I'm going to have to wait AND THEN right as my feet are about to bring the rest of me to a halt, the light changes in pace with my walk and my feet just rev right back up again.

2. My Mama. I love her. I miss her. Yesterday she told me she just got a really good feeling about me. I believe in really good feelings. Also really bad ones. But I'm glad this one was a good one. She is President of the Emily Fan Club.

3. Leftover Halloween Candy. I am only 1/2 thankful for this really. Right now I am happy to have it. But someone should probably take it away from me. Soon. Also it reminds me of being a kid and eating all the good candy first and then all the tootsie rolls are left at the end. Also I used to steal my brother's candy sometimes and replace it with my crappy candy. Confession.

4. The knowledge that tomorrow morning I don't have to be anyyyyyywhere! Sleep, Sleep, I love you best mid-morninggggg time.

5. Old friends. Thanks for reminding me of who I was and who I'm going to be. And for telling me I'm pretty.

k bye.

I like what I like

2010-09-07T04:00:00.001-07:00

When it comes to things like food, I find it's better to stick with what you know. For example, from the time I could order my own food until about two years ago, I got chicken fingers at pretty much every restaurant I went to. I like it. Chicken fingers are pretty much the same everywhere. I know I won't order them and be disappointed. Sometimes the sauces that these establishments boast of are very disappointing, but that's really another story. Now I'm a vegetarian and I get a veggie (btw, I hate the word "veggie") burger everywhere I go. Also another story.

Same theory pretty much applies to shoes. I like what I like. Which is mainly sandals, because otherwise my feet feel claustrophobic. If I can't wiggle my toes around, I get a little crazy. I may not let on, but on the inside I'm like AHHHHHHHHH THIS IS MAKING ME FEEL SO TRAPPPPPPED. No one really knows this, because I just have a lot of self-control. So far. I don't particularly like heels, except to try on for a few minutes and strut around in (with a crown on, duh). I can also tolerate heels if I'm going to an event that is primarily sitting down. Otherwise, no thank you. I also never learned to dance (well, dance how I like to dance) wearing heels, so I think that's a pretty big restriction to put on yourself. Who knows when you need to dance? Or wiggle your toes?

But now that I live in a not Florida place, my footwear is changing. Not so much by choice...but when the weather changes, so do your shoes. I recently purchased my second pair of boots EVER (not including rainboots) and I really like them so far! I can wiggle in them. And they are comfortable. Also, California does what I like to call the leggings and anything combo, and boots happen to complement that rather well.

You likesies? I likesies. I get lots of compliments on them and 1.) They’re not real leather, which I am actually trying to avoid as I don’t like the idea of wearing skin that belonged elsewhere once, and 2.) As a result, they were very cheap!

Cool. So now I have some bootskies, which is really fun and new for me. I feel like I’m gonna go prance off like a little english riding horse when I wear them. (Weird I feel like the horse, and not the actual person riding the horse, which I think is the style these boots are trying to imitate. Whatever. You can’t question impulse. At least they’re not made from horse skin.)

So ANYWAY, now that I am satisfied with my boots that don’t make me want to rip off my footwear, I focused on finding some flats I L-O-V-E. Because in my opinion, you have to L-O-V-E your shoes! They’re like an extension of your body. Love yourself, Love your shoes. But the thing is, I already have flats I love. I love them. I lovelove them. They are the most comfortable things I have ever worn. And they make me feel like a ballerina to the extent that I actually practice ballet in them. Or rather, what I think ballet is, which may or may not be close to the real thing. They are also filthy. Because I loved them so much. You know how when you’re a little kid, your mom won’t buy you white sneakers because you’ll get them dirty the first ten minutes of recess? And all kid shoes eventually end up filthy because apparently they spend all free time in dirt? And then you grow up a little, and your shoes don’t get so dirty anymore, so you buy white sneakers because now you run inside a gym where dirt is sought out and eliminated because it causes things like MRSA. We all know what I’m talking about. Except these ballet flats look like I spend a lot of time on playgrounds. But they were only like $15 so I really don’t mind buying new ones. And then I can wear my other ones on the playground for REAL, perhaps.

ONLY PROBLEM IS, THEY NO LONGER SELL THEM.

I.am.devastated. To the point that I actually wrote Target a letter, begging whatever customer service representative receives it to pleeeeeeeeeeease restock them. I really hope they listen. Funny thing is, I remember when I bought them I was like,

FIFTEEN DOLLARS? For these shoes I already love so much and I am just in the store? I WILL GLADLY PAY THAT. And then this little voice inside me said, Emily, maybe you should get another pair. Maybe….you should get….five other pairs.

But I ignored it.

Moral of the story: When you like what you like, you should definitely buy in bulk.

Oh, also, here is a picture of my beloved flats. THEY LOOK PRETTIER IN PERSON. (Well, mine don’t now. Because of the filth. But they did once. Also, I really like parentheses this post, eh?)

...Li...brary

2010-08-11T20:19:00.000-07:00

I love the way books smell. Old books and new books. I am not sure how I feel about middle-aged books. Also not sure if a book can ever be middle aged. I think they just go from new to old. I was thinking this today in the library. Maybe if I never decide what I want to be I will be a librarian. A children's librarian. Who wears a funny hat during story time. And does all the voices. I think I'll probably bake cupcakes too. Oh, my alternate life as a children's librarian. The things I coulda been.

When I get a call about an audition it is SO REFRESHING. I literally feel like screaming out the window, "OH MY GOD, SOMEONE WANTS ME!! It's a BEAUTIFUL WORLD." It's amazing how quickly my mood can change when I get good news. Also works the opposite way. The lows are low, but oh, the highs are extraordinary

I feel really lame when I use the word extraordinary in earnest for some reason.

This post apparently has a theme as I feel the need to write about the library again. I was walking through it today and looking at all the new books, fiction and non, and then all the dvds, and the cds and the books on cd, and the children's books, and the newspapers in all these different languages and I felt so incredibly overwhelmed and fascinated all at once. Perhaps I was overwhelmed with fascination? Nope, they were two distinct feelings. But I know I can never know everything! I don't have time! Or patience! Also I forget some percentage of things I read...not sure exactly what it is, but it's surely significant. It made me wish future me could follow me around, maybe floating behind me saying things like, "Don't even bother with that one!" and "You won't regret it!" and "This one is MAGICAL!" But I just have to rely on book jackets...and reviews...and recommendations. I guess I will have to be okay with that.

Anyway, it reminded me of this quote in Anne of Green Gables, which is something I read that I will NEVER forget because I read them all about 20 times each. No exaggeration there. Here it is.

"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we know all about everything, would it? There'd be no scope for imagination then, would there?"
- Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

I was just thinking…

2010-07-06T22:22:00.001-07:00

Sooooo it’s been a while since I updated…OOOPSIES! I will try not to let so much time pass again. I actually wrote a few and then never posted them. OOPSIES! again. I actually am not very sorry, only I like to look back on my blogging exploits years after. I had an “open diary” when I was like 14, but that website got hacked and everyone’s stuff was deleted, apparently? WHICH IS TOO BAD. I actually had a xanga, and a missingapiece as well…I’m trying to find them all so I can pick out some choice quotes to post here so my younger self can remind my present self of how wise I once was. But it’s difficult, because I’m having trouble remembering my usernames/passwords. Younger me probably didn’t think older me would forget! Because my password hints are always these weird little clues that I know at the time I must have thought duh! of course I’ll remember this inside joke I had with…myself. but I do not.

Okay so I went back to try and find them and it was a little impossible. I did, however, remember one. Also some of the others were deleted. I did find some interesting old emails, though. Anyway, reading over the old entries I realized I’ve lost a sense of hyper activeness that I once had. In comparison, I’m pretty calm now. OMG WTF MATE DID I GROW UP? It’s also a bunch of entries from when I was choosing colleges and thinking about leaving things behind and whatnot so I am certainly reflective in that depressing way that only a 17 year old can be.

“I haven't been aware of it, but slowly my life has been falling into my own hands, bit by bit. I'm not altogether sure I'm comfortable.”

“It's so difficult to make and renew and keep connections as you age. So far that's what I've learned.”

I still want to be a princess, I still love chocolate and cheese and sparkly pretty things, and I’m still not exactly sure what I want. I wonder if these things will ever change.

“I don't know what to do anymore. I'm running wild asking for an answer, questioning everyone and everywhere. Mainly myself. I find that I can no longer unhesitatingly furnish the answers that once came so easily. It all comes down to one question really. What do I want? But within that one question there are sub questions and secondary questions and associate questions. If that makes sense.”

Ohhhhh I was such a confused little soul. I can’t say I have regrets about my life thus far, but I would do some things differently if I could go back. Which, when people say that I always think to myself, “okay, that’s what regret is, but duh, no one wants to say they have regrets about their LIFE because that sounds so sad and probably makes the person who says that feel like a failure.” BUT. If I did do things differently I wouldn’t have learned from them. And I have learned a lot a lot.

You live, you learn. It’s a very comforting thing to say after bad things happen. This is a very reflective post…I think it’s because I’ve been missing a lot of things lately, or realizing that I’m going to miss them soon. And sometimes I get so down and inside the memories and remembering the feelings I had that I get sad. But I tried to think about it like this: I have lived a life to be missed. There are so many things I have loved in my life that I should feel lucky and blessed to even have so many things to miss. And hopefully so many things to come.

PS - The title of this post is this song I used to listen to allllll the time when I was in high school.

She had so much potential.

If you wanna rock, I’m ready to roll

2010-03-24T00:38:00.001-07:00

Summmmmmer is on the way. I was going to write that it’s my favorite time of year…but I love so many times of the year. Christmas time and Flower time and Spring Break time and Vacation time and Gator time and Rainboot time and Sweaters are Comfortable to Wear (FL) time, and Beach time. I guess Summer is my favorite technical season. Or maybe my favorite season is the beginning of each season. Which is not a season at all. Just a novelty.

But ANYWAY, it’s warmer now which I appreciate SO much. When I go to the beach it’s like it’s really the beach. But the water is still super freezing. I plan on running into it sometime soon. Because I can’t not.

I auditioned for my first commercial today. I am fairly certain I didn’t get it (I can ALWAYS hear my mother’s voice in my head when I make a comment like that, encouraging me with a truism I’ve heard sooo very many times before). BUT the reason I think that is because I think I am too young for the part. It was for a jewelry commercial, and I was supposed to be the recipient of a proposal. Meanwhile, the day before, I worked on Hannah Montana…I think I looked a lot younger than most of the people I saw go in and out before me. But it’s okay because I like the idea of being too young for marriage. Speaking of marriage, I came across this ring today and I just loooved it.

I have been learning a lot lately, I’ve realized. I don’t know if I’ve become more observant or what, but I’ve been walking away from events in my life with knowledge that I am aware of. Sometimes I walk away from things and looking back I know I’ve learned something from it, but I’m usually not so aware of the lesson. Maaaaybe I am getting more grown up. Also I’ve been writing things down a lot (not here) and I think this is helping. And I’ve been feeling motivated lately. There is just so much I want to DO! I went for a long time without writing things out like I used to and I forgot about how clarifying it can be.

Sometimes I think the reason people don’t feel the need to write anymore is because we have so many other opportunities to express ourselves to others. Feeling sad? hungry? itchy? Tweet about it. Post a quote on your facebook. Write in your BLOG. Redefine who you are by updating your profile page. There’s an illusion that because it’s been released into the universe, someone will read, and perhaps even care about it. Oftentimes I get the distinct feeling that I’m reading a status that was meant for a particular person to see. Like the person writing it is letting whoever is making them sad or itchy or hungry know about it via some cryptic song lyric.

Something I’ve been noticing (um, sorry my transitions are a little…fast paced?) is how other blogs that I read have mainly pictures. Mine is mainly text. So I’m gonna include some pictures to make it more appealing to the eye. It’s going to be a photo collection called Welcome to My Life by Emily Jane Woodruff:

Beautiful place I live that I never ever get tired of

OMG. we have furniture…

And sooooon we will have a band. Roommates putting together the logistics. We are still relatively unsure of what my contribution to the band will be, other than Disney song knowledge/performance. C UNIT! That’s our band name. We have some really good song titles, too. That is for another post, though.

When I first saw this thing I was like AHHHHH IT’S A WOLF!!!!!! I really thought it was. I was pretty much way more excited to see this guy than any famous person I’ve seen. I miss nature. Later I realized it is definitely a coyote, because wolves are enormous and scary and would not come that close to people. Also this picture was taken from my car, if you’re wondering. So not as cool as seeing a wolf; however I had not ever seen a coyote before so this was a new experience.

Annnd last but not least…

You should always end in a shadowy 80s pic.