tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43611327539816720132024-09-11T13:31:29.896-07:00WARNING!! May contain extreme use of languageclose2daedgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13944012653840522443noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4361132753981672013.post-24913626029436699372009-01-11T12:44:00.000-08:002009-01-11T14:54:57.666-08:00Okay, a brief follow on to my last post.<br />She come around with my boy, and I transformed from the howling warewolf, to a mountain of melting cheese.<br />Just to see my son was enough to embed a crazy smile on my face, and make my heart feel light again.<br />Those of you that are parents will understand what I mean, especially those that do not get to see their child daily.<br />Well... I ooogled and ooogled over my son, halfway to tears each time he smiled at me :D<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">FACT:</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> when young babies smile, they are passing wind lol<br /></span><br />As for Shani... well we had light conversation as you do in anothers presence, but my main focus was on my boy. She took the "calm" atmosphere as a sign that all was well.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">[</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">insert big cheesy grin here</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">]<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">"<span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Do you wanna give this another shot? Do you forgive me?</span>" is pretty close to her exact words.<br />My reply...<br />"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I can never forget what happened, my heart wont let me. I missed not holding my son for his first christmas!! You have no idea what thats like!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Shit I feel like I should write a blog about this shit or something!!</span>" :D<br />Yeah, its at this time that Im laughing on the inside, but got a seriously pissed off look on my face. Not easy to accomplish sometimes. But it felt great! lol<br />"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">and to forgive you............ honestly, thats gonna take a little more time than a few days. You understand that yeah?</span>"<br /><br />Anyways, the conversation went on for a while, and trying to be 100% serious while Ive got my son cuddled in my arms, was a mission in itself.<br />Being angry as I was, it wasnt a conversation I wanted to have at that time, but needed to have it. I guess she thought having my son as a buffer would loosen the knots.<br />Do <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> reckon it did? ;)<br /><br />After the....... lets call it "formalities"....... after they were over, I stripped the clothes off that woman and FUCKED THE SHIT OUTTA HER!!<br />I can be a sweet lover, but I like to fuck hard!!<br />And I know that any woman would prefer to have their brains fucked out, to a light smooth romantic session. You can make your own conclusion to that statement, but I suggest you ask a couple woman. Im pretty sure they will repeat my statement. ;)<br />Anyways.... It was almost like world war 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 were all combined.<br />My neighbours mustve been covering their ears, or listening with intent, as it seemed to be dead silent outside! lol<br />Her screams, moans, and cries of pleasure overlapped by my grunting and groaning were enough to make you drop what youre doin, and chill with a beer in hand lol<br />Anyways, skippin past all the details, you <span style="font-style: italic;">know </span>youve done your duty when you go for round two, and she's laying their holding her pussy and asking if its okay if she can just give you a blowjob, "Im too sore"<br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">[</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">insert big cheesy grin here</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">]<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">my reply<br />"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">If I wanted a blowjob, I woulda said so! Youre too sore? Well flip over and Im gonna fuck you up the ass!!</span>"<br />"<span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">eeeeewwwwww no way!!</span>"<br />"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Shut the fuck up!! You'll love it!! lol</span>"<br /><br />I wont go into detail, as I understand most people do not venture far into sexual activities as others, and this is not a porn blog! lol ;)<br />Guess Im lucky she hadnt eaten that day lol ;)<br />Well she loved it, orgasmed 4 times within 60 seconds. Spun me RIGHT out! lol<br /><br />More conversation followed later, and I went to see them off.<br />I hate saying goodbye to my son :(<br /><br />Remember, I hadnt answered this yet<br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);"><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">"Do you wanna give this another shot?"<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">and she asked what we're gonna do.<br />I told her we'll take it slow, give it time, and go from there.<br />Knowing thats enough to lighten her guilt, I followed up with "<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">is that ok?</span>", and of course it is!<br /><br />Anyways... since then, I have ROYALLY FUCKED UP!!!<br />R O Y A L L Y!!!!!<br />This is something I thought I'd never ever do!<br />And havent done ever!!<br />Until last night.<br />Today is the 12th of January 2009, and the first day of my biggest fuckup!<br />I'll start another page, as this is pretty long as it is.<br /></span></span></span></span>close2daedgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13944012653840522443noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4361132753981672013.post-81485672819815385152008-12-29T23:09:00.000-08:002009-01-11T14:55:14.477-08:00Tuesday, 30th December, 2008..<br /><br />She just called me up, and guess what!!??<br />She blames ME for Christmas!!! ???<br /><br />She blames ME that she went to bed!!!<br /><br />She blames ME that I never got to see my son for his first Christmas!!!<br /><br />She blames ME for ME spending Christmas alone!!!<br /><br />What kind of person hurts you soo bad, then calls up to make everything worse!!????<br /><br />Anyone know black magic?<br />Can you make her head be eaten out by maggots, while a pack of wild dogs eats her face clean off!!<br />lol<br /><br />Damn I cannot believe this shit!!<br />It makes starting this blog even more fulfilling!!<br /><br />I was going to show it to her, so she could see whats up, but not any more.<br />This is my funnel to release, and remember the dog she is when she acts like an angel.<br /><br />Its stopping me from going down there!!!<br /><br />THAT, is the most important thing.<br />Only God knows how that situation would end.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">UPDATE:</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">just got off the phone...<br />shes bringing my son around......... hmmmmmmmm<br /><br />Im not really bothered, there is nothing she can do that will fix Christmas, but.......<br />Im not sure whether I should fuck her hard, treat her like shit, then throw the bitch out in the morning, or ignore her existence, and just chill with my boy all night.<br /><br />hmmmmmm.......<br /><br />Both aye?<br /></span>close2daedgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13944012653840522443noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4361132753981672013.post-74541366159940834862008-12-26T21:50:00.000-08:002009-01-11T14:55:26.534-08:00Ok peeps.<br />I didnt go out on christmas night.<br />I chilled at home and watched 7 pounds, the Will Smith movie.<br />I knew that if I went out, I wouldnt of had a good night, and didnt want that kinda buzz around my mates.<br /><br />I made up for that last night though!<br />Nothing big, just a case of beer, and a couple mates.<br /><br />Shani called boxing day, but I ignored her calls and Im not thinking of replying any time soon.<br />With her n I, Ive made up my mind and its over!<br />But....<br />my son.<br /><br />Im goin to start my bachelors in Sports Coaching, which is something Ive always wanted to do, but have never gone for it until my boy arrived.<br />Tryin to better myself etc...<br />Anyways, my mind is focussed on that goal, and Im goin to achieve it.<br />I just know its going to be harder now, as it is financially demanding, and the bitch was goin to help out while I do this. An investment if you will..<br />That aint gonna happen now!<br /><br />Each day I think about knocking on that door, and breaking her father in two.<br />If Ive ever met somebody with really bad daddy issues, its this bitch!!<br /><br />I know since Ive made my decision to leave her, things are gonna get worse.<br />All I can do is focus on my goal, and wait until Im pushed too far.<br /><br />There goes the phone ringing....close2daedgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13944012653840522443noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4361132753981672013.post-5217045482457251762008-12-25T00:11:00.001-08:002008-12-26T22:05:00.983-08:00First off, its christmas day 7:20pm.<br /><br />I was supposed to spend christmas with my family, but had my son being brought over by his whore of a mother.<br />Well, the bitch called an hour ago to say she isnt bringing him!!!<br />His first christmas alive, and I dont get to spend even a few seconds with him!!!<br />Her reason, is that she's going to bed!!!<br /><br />Have you any idea what evil is in my head at the moment!!???<br /><br />Jail for life means nothing to me at the moment!!<br />But no father at all for my son, is a worse off fate.....<br />So Im here, lettin my steam out online!!<br /><br />I love my son with all that I am....<br />My biggest regret/failure/pain in life has been meeting his fucked up mother!!!<br /><br />I was raised with NEVER to lay a hand on women embedded in my brain, and to this day, I have lived by that.<br />But.... more times than I can count, or even care to remember, I have thought about crushing her face in with an axe!!<br />YOU ALL DONT KNOW WHAT THIS BITCH IS LIKE!!!<br />Picture a women with 5... yes... 5 kids, to 4 different men!!!<br />NONE of these men want to have anything to do with her, for good reason!!<br />Only one good fella, who looks after his daughters as well as he can...<br />Then there was me... I have tried to hold in there, but its like selling your soul to the devil!!<br />In an instant I would crush her if she were a man!!<br />But she isnt!!<br />Im not sure if she even has a beating heart!!<br /><br />To update you on how hard Im taking this.....<br />Picture a fella that never bows to anyone, unless its an elder member of his family(respect).<br />If someone even looks at me in a cunt of a way, Im right at his face tryin to rip his throat out with my teeth!!!<br />I have walked some dark paths, and I keep all my baskets separate, but dont get me wrong, I can be the most loving person you would ever meet in your life, or I can be......<br />Not soo nice....<br /><br />Me and this whore broke up last christmas, then she come and told me she was pregnant.<br />Im a man, I accept my responsibilities, and I was a little happy picturing a little me runnin around.<br />But its been down hill ever since....<br />I used to see her almost everyday, but once she told me she was pregnant, she wouldnt come around for a month at a time!!<br /><br />Constant arguments over the phone etc.. thats when she wasnt filtering my calls, or had the phone switched off.<br /><br />Ive spent all this time since then, fighting her, her family, and my OWN family, as they see how she is, and arent happy with it.<br />I dont really care about what anyone says or thinks really, they miss the big point, that this is my FIRST born son!!<br />Am I the only one that sees the significance in that!!??<br /><br />My first born!<br /><br />I understand the points of view of both families, but they dont see what this bitch does.<br />They see nothing!!<br />My family sees nothing as I keep all my baskets separate, her family sees nothing by choice!!<br />The only people I respect in that family is one of the eldest daughters, and her brother.<br />They may not like me, as their info is filtered through their bitch sister, but those 2 always show some sort of respect, whether it be a smile or a handshake,which I respect.<br /><br />The mother tries, but doesnt look like she could even wear a smile on her face, and the ex cop father....<br />I wish he were my age...... and I'll leave that there!!<br /><br />Well, she is not answering my calls as I want to go and see my son.<br /><br />What should I be doing now?<br /><br />If I go down there, I have no doubt that I will be locked up. I have no doubt that once those mouths start runnin, I can nolonger ignore them, as I usually do.<br /><br />Being almost 8pm, I have now almost spent Christmas of 2008....<br /><br />alone......<br /><br />There are places I could be, but none are where I want to be... which is with my son.<br /><br />FUCK!!!!!<br /><br />For years I have tried to change who I once was, if you know me well, you'll know the anger that has been bred in me...<br />If you dont know, be happy that you dont.<br /><br />Ive got this bitch fuckin with my MANA!! (honour/pride/soul etc)<br />Why would the law punish ME for retribution/retaliation, whatever your choice of word is!!<br /><br />I wish I could rewind my life, and never have met this bitch!!<br />I wish I didnt want to go and hurt someone!!<br />I wish I could just walk away!!<br />I wish...<br /><br />Well, thats all I have to say.<br />End result... Im calmer... Im not going down there... Im never gonna forget this day... Im goin to get wasted with my mates!!<br /><br />There will be mixed feelings over this, from me being a fool for not smashing her, to me sounding weak.<br />For not feeling her body crumble as I crush her skull, I consider that as strength.<br />For saying what I have said.... take it as you may...<br />then ask me if I care what you think!!<br /><br />Noone has walked my shoes, and Im glad none are on the path Im takin.<br />My only sane thought, is that of my son, and how I must make sure I do what I can to make his life easier.<br /><br />On average, I get to see my son once, maybe twice a month.<br />He is now 12 weeks, 5 days and 1 hour old as of 8pm today.<br />Do the math, and you'll see how bad this is.<br />It'd be better if I took it to court!<br />But I NEVER want it to go there... Im up against an ex cop(influence) and a fucken whore!!<br />What chance do I have?<br /><br />Anyways... Im out!!<br /><br />**PEACE**close2daedgehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13944012653840522443noreply@blogger.com0