Hey Girl, Hey!

My Life is Not My Own.

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:20:00 +0000

This song will really minister to you if you allow it to.

Part 2

Some Relationships are Just Hard To Explain

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 04:14:00 +0000

I know it is more so how I explain it and not so much that people interpret me the wrong way. However, it really annoys me how people get the wrong idea of the relationship that my mother and I have. Our relationship is awesome! I could not imagine having a better mother. No she isn't perfect and neither am I, but I don't know anyone that I would trade her with.

My mom supports me in everything that I do, and is my number one cheerleader. I can call her about anything, whenever I need something even if she doesn't have it she GETS IT! It's not like we don't hug, it's not like we don't ever talk.

People get the impression though that we don't have a good relationship because of a few things.

-they haven't seen us around each other
-they have seen me give her the side eye for saying something crazy (lol)
-I mention that I haven't really "lived" with her since I came to college
-I mention that I don't always talk to her on a regular basis and do not feel the need to

When I started college and had no intention of ever moving back into her apartment ever again. Not because she and I don't get along but because I do not want to be in her actual apartment. I hate everything about the actual physical apartment as well as where it's located, the neighbors and a host of other things. So I never stay with my mom if I can help it. I stay with friends and other fam during school breaks and people think that's strange.

As far as the talking thing we just aren't clingy people! lol Like seriously my mom and I do not feel the need to "check-in" with each other everyday. We are not the most socialable people either and picking up the phone is more of a task than something fun to do. My mom never nags me for not calling her she is happy when I do but she isn't sitting at home pouting because I didn't.

I guess our relationship is unique and I can't get mad at people for not understanding it but it really is annoying to me that I have to explain all of this before people get it.

Falling in Love w/Jesus

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:35:00 +0000

[orig date:4/09]
Lately I've been getting a little caught up in the "rules" Jesus wants me to follow. That isn't so much a bad thing, because of course they're are commandments and things The Lord wants us to follow and it is important that we are obedient to the word of God. However, I just had a thought-

I can't forget to take time out to just stop what I'm doing and let The Lord love on me. If all I do is focus on getting through the tough stuff then I may not have all that it takes or the foundation to stand in The Lord. For me what has always brought me back to God is remembering how it FEELS to be loves by Him. I mean to literally be sitting in a room and knowing that The Lord is there and giving Himself to you. It's so AMAZING! Sometimes you just have to blank out and let Him hug you. It's a hug like no other can give, not a boyfriend/girlfriend, mother or father, it's a hug of unconditional love.

I guess you really know that His love is unconditional when you're going through something or you feel guilty because of sin and you take the time to allow Him to reach out and fill you with His love and it's so overwhelming that you could mess up like you did and still know that He wants you.

That's the awesome part...all that I've done...and He still WANTS me. wow!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1QuYNmfxUw
So if you catch me forgetting to spend time falling in love with Jesus please remind me!

A Confession

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 06:36:00 +0000

I don't trust that my friends can handle my Christianity so I already count them as lost...

I think the people in my life are so scared that my life changing is going to rock their worlds also, and I'm thinking to myself that they better get ready for something to shake. It is not coincidence the people who are allowed into your life and neither are your circumstances. I am thankful for the relationship that I have with Jesus and it is one of my prayers that others are blessed by it.

Back to the Business

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:33:00 +0000

Hello peoples!

I started back to school this week. Here is what I am taking

Macroeconomics 211 (Im scared)
Math 116
Sowk 301-Human Behavior
Sowk 305-Social Work with Children
Sowk 407-Male/Female Relationships

Overall I'm pretty happy with my schedule and excited to get into my classes. I just added Human Behavior a few hours ago so tmw(Thursday) will be the first time I'm going since I missed Tuesday's class.

<3

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 05:40:00 +0000

"...growing ONE day at a time! moving forward ONE babystep at a time! sometimes I fall, but I fall FORWARD...some days it's easy, some days it's a STRUGGLE...sometimes I know why I'm doing this and some days I wonder if it's worth it...more than anything I know that God is my everything and more important than all else and everyone else is serving Him. {Love.Grace.Mercy.Compassion.}..."

My Facebook status from today. When i thought to write this it encouraged me so I didn't want to forget it. Reminds me that as I'm growing up more and more than are changing and as I put things behind me and move forward there will be days where I'm thinking why in the world am I doing this? What's the point? But truly I do know the purpose and for that reason even when I struggle I'll never fail as long as I lean on God and keep walking with Him.

untitled

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 06:05:00 +0000

This time in my life has been life changing. Really for months so much has been going on-way more than I can talk about here. I am really encouraged to know that God is working on me so much. He has been showing me so many things about my life and it is amazing.

I am so thankful that He has taking the time to specifically show me things in my life that He is not pleased with and how to change them. Of course many times when He has shown me things I have been faced with having to choose to change a behavior that I am really comfortable with but the sacrifice of what pleases me is worth it.

You Annoy Me!

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 04:40:00 +0000

I cannot figure out how to deleted blogs from my google reader and it is really getting on my nerves!

Some of the things people do that make me want to delete them...
-take pics of their feet!
-take pics of their animals! (yes I dislikes feet AND dogs! sue me)
-no updates since 2007
-never answer my comments-yes i understand u have a lot of comments to answer-no i dont care (kinda just kidding with this one, it annoys me sometimes but not enough to be mad
edit 10/12/09-curse incessantly
-talk about sex unceasingly

Pretty much I just think all things in moderation. I'm not on your blog to see toes everyday if I wanted to see feet I'd visit a foot fetish site, I don't give a crap about you're dog-and seriously the way you dress that poor thing up is sickening not to mention the fact that I am just really not a 4-legged creature fan. You can talk about sex but seriously does any other event ever happen in your life? Why does talking about yourself always revolve around your sex life??

You could well just unfollow them...I CAN'T my stupid reader won't delete em lol help!

Keri Hilson

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 09:04:00 +0000

I really like Keri Hilson's songs...

New Phone!

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 05:34:00 +0000

Finally after having the same ol' phone (well not really) but having the same ol' model phone for the longest I decided to upgrade from this

to this...

Nothing really fancy, not a smartphone or a Blackberry. All I needed was something that I could text on pretty well I don't do any type of internet on my phones because I not willing to dish out extra money so I keep it simple with the phones. :-)

I'm very happy so far with my phone.

Shann<3

Going Through the Motions

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 04:23:00 +0000

I want to get to the place where I am sick of going through the motions. Right now I just...don't know. I feel like I'm suppose to reach out for God but when I do something always holds me back. So I'm just going through my days feeling like I'm missing something and I feel like it is my fault.

A few months ago I felt as if God was doing all of this awesome work in me and I messed it up and now I just don't feel anything. I think I still feel guilty and unworthy of His love. I don't know what to do with that feeling. I am trying to figure out how to forgive myself but it's not easy. I don't want to continue to feel like this, I want to be moving forward in my relationship with God.

Special K Protein Water

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:20:00 +0000

My friend had some of this in her cabinet and so being the curious creature that I am I tried some.

The Verdict:

epic fail.

yuck-0-rama! This stuff taste like medication, I did drink an entire glass by trying to ignore the taste and just drinking it quickly I wanted to see if it really would "take the edge off my hunger"-but then I ate a PB&J sandwich so so much for that... :/

Shann<3

Who Needs Enemies...

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:03:00 +0000

It stinks when things that are not supposed to get to you do. Like what others think of you. I mean let's not sugar coat things I am changing, have been for awhile. I can understand people not liking it I really can. However, just because I can understand it doesn't mean I like it.

Seriously, can you be understanding to me? How do you think it makes me feel to have to go against the grain? To have to be the one who says no I can't do that, no I don't do this when everyone else is.

Do you think I have ONE friend who will care that I'm being left out? Would you guess that those friends instead of trying to include me in something either completely ignore me or become offended?

People don't know what they want. They get upset that I won't do the things I used to but if I were to try continue to grow in my relationship with God and still hang out with them doing what they do they would call me a hypocrite. catch 22

People have really begun to show their true colors. I'm not trying to put anyone on blast and if any of my friends read this, this is everything I can't bring myself to say to you.

It really hurts that you look at me the way you do, talk about me behind my back and make me feel like I'm crazy. I know that you think that nothing hurts my feelings or phases me but I want to cry every time you make a stupid remark. You slyly tell me how you feel by making jokes or the questions you asks and I can't believe that people who call themselves my friends could feel this way about me.

I'm not trying to be any better or do any better than anyone. I'm trying to live my life. I'm not trying to become perfect or righteous I just want to do my best. It stinks that I cannot make mistakes in front of my friends because they will be the very first ones to judge me. You'll say, "see I knew she was being fake". You can't understand what I'm going through until you go through yourself and maybe I seem melodramatic right now but I'm not being dramatic. I'm just getting fed up! I expect crap from people who I don't know like that but from people who say they know and love me to look at me like I'm a looney that is hurtful.

I should be sleeping...

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 05:52:00 +0000

...and I really am tired. This weekend was so much fun. I am so sore and exhausted! Friday we had a cookout, Saturday we did flips on the trampoline and in the pool, we wrestled and acted a fool! lol oh and we had s'mores :-) yum! Sunday I we went to church morning and evening service and we're tripping in the parking lot afterward came home had a big water battle and then jumped in the pool with all of our clothes on.

I'm tired. Thankful that we had so much fun though!

I was going to share some stuff I've been feeling lately but seriously I'm about to have a sleep party with my pillow in 5...4...3...2...1 lol

Goodnight <3

p.s- did u kno "p.s" stands for "post script"? lol that's not really what I wanted to say you know ppl get goofy when they are sleepy. What I was really going to say was check out http://www.beautyrookie.blogspot.com =]

In Case You're Confused

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 21:06:00 +0000

I just pressed published on a bunch of old blogs I had in still in drafts so that's why they sound like I wrote them awhile ago...I did! =]

later people
Shann <3

Trust and stuff...

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:05:00 +0000

What do you do when you find out that what you thought of someone just is not true? Many times I have had to deal with less than comfortable situations with people who were disappointed because I turned out to be something different than what they expected.

It is not abnormal to form judgments in your mind about what type of person someone is. We even go as far as to imagine what people would do in certain situations, what kinds of things they can handle and so on. But what do you do or how do you feel when that person lets you down?

I suppose that it is some sort of compliment for one to not think that I am capable of hurting them. I guess it would be a bigger problem if they thought that I was the insensitive b*$#%@ that I can be.

...sigh...idk

I was just sitting here and thinking about some people that I have hurt. People will disappoint you, there is no getting around it. Last year I decided that people were just bad. Their cores were selfish, self centered, over ambitious and ruthless. I saw the people around me and myself doing things "behind closed doors" that I could not believe they were capable of. It made me decide there is no way if these "nice people" can do these things that everyone is not doing them or at least capable of doing them.

I decided last year not to trust anyone, not even myself, because people are out to gain what they want and step on anyone who gets in the way--and who was I to think that I was any different? Nope. Can't be trusted, no one.

So here I am a year later and I feel foolish for making myself think like that. It has strained relationships that I have with people but on the other hand it has kept me watchful and abreast of some shady-ness. I don't want to have "trust issues". When I first realized that I had them I wanted to cry, "I'm not supposed to be that girl !"

We all know "that girl". The one who is always questioning motives, always watching her back, doesn't have any real close friends, listens in on phone calls, jumps to conclusions, checks her bf's cellphone...
I never wanted to be her...yet here I am.

"My name is Shannon and I have trust issues"

Ugh...

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 25 May 2009 05:36:00 +0000

Why does feeling bad about looking fat make you want to eat more?? :-(

i wish i had pie...

Music Monday

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Mon, 18 May 2009 17:40:00 +0000

My Guilty Pleasure

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:11:00 +0000

If you read my blog you probably know that my biggest guilty pleasure is rap music. I could listen to Drake, Lil' Wayne and T.I. alllll day! So yea you've heard it here before but it's MY blog so I'll say it as many times as I want to =] hehe

...sigh..

I could go for a little Patron on ice right about now...:-/

Hate me for enjoying pointless music and then go screw yourself! :-)

Next Post: Guilty Pleasures P. 2 "Trash TV"

No Fakers Plz!

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Wed, 06 May 2009 08:09:00 +0000

I have to type this quickly because he is on his way back up, I had a convo w/the dude today...it was really funny because I tell ya I under estimate him. It's like I seriously think he is not paying attention or something but he is! It is so funny because I'll think I'm getting away with something but he is so hip to it. He called me out on a couple of things today it was...don't tell him I said this, sooo sexy to hear him tell me I'm not fooling nobody! lol I can't explain it, it was just cool I think it made me respect him even more.

So Randomly

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Sun, 03 May 2009 03:29:00 +0000

Sitting here trying to want to do homework and trying to forget that I have a headache, wishing that I was upstairs with my old pizza from last night.
I spent sooo much money today lol. SMH terrible-ness.
$16 for chinese food Rychael
$12 for some crap for me at the beauty supply
$13 for food for me at Chipotle (omg! I heard someone call it Chip-pot-tee)
last night I brought pizza for $20

dudes I don't have a paying job anymore I can't be doing this! lol sigh...tmw I'm going to CVS for more nail polish...

I was thinking about deleting "Beauty Rookie", because I just don't care...lol I don't update either blog often and I don't feel like doing "beauty" posts, I'm soo lazy.

Amazingly my headache seems to be disappearing... joy

I'm contemplating sharing some very personal things with my readers on this blog in the near future but I'm not sure. I think I seem to be a pretty open person but there are definitely things that I have a hard time sharing, so I'll think more about it.

Numb

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 07:18:00 +0000

I don't know where this feeling(or lack thereof) comes from because I don't ask for it. It is as if my heart knows when something is going to try to hurt it and it just shuts down. This wall comes down and I block everything out.

I don't know if you have ever just not felt anything at all but I really feel emotionless right now. It is really a scary feeling because I don't think that I can control it. Maybe if I can consciously quit holding back to protect myself I can unconsciously let go too.

I really have created a hard exterior for myself and I think I am just starting to realize how good of a job I did with it.

Not feeling anything sucks! I would rather feel what's is going on right now than stare blankly and watch it happening.

When you can't feel from your heart you can't speak from your heart so I'm guessing my "emotions".

Did I mention how unfocused I am? It's been getting worse as the months go on, unfocused in school and in my relationship with God. Both had gotten waaay better at one point and now I feel like I'm back at square one again. I can hardly concentrate on anything-even typing this post is giving me trouble (granted it is 3:26am).

Psalm 51

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 07:28:00 +0000

For the director of music.A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4. Against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9. Hide your face from my sins and blot out my iniquity.
10. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. 14. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18. In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up walls of Jerusalem.
19. Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Don't be a butt

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 05:20:00 +0000

There is a reason assume is spelled "ass-ume"

smh...don't assume stuff about me, just ask it's ok I don't bite and I'm pretty honest for the most part.

Random Late Night Typing

shannonledbetter@gmail.com (ShanSoPink) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 06:57:00 +0000

I don't feel bad, I just don't feel great. I'm not really confused, not really torn just having a hard time doing what I need to do...

The more honest I am with people the more I hurt them...This guy that I'm kind of dating I try to be as honest as possible with him. I try to practice honesty in what I say as well as my actions. I think I could use a lesson on the difference between being true in my actions and words and just acting and speaking out of emotion.

With no censoring I am possesive, irrational, suspicious and moody. On the other hand when I get my feelings in check and can make clear headed and rational decsions I am distant, unwilling to commit and a little mean. I probably could stand to use a little censoring.

Or maybe I should just decide already what the heck I really want...