http://sharemytestimony.orgMost Inspiring Testimonieshttp://www.sharemytestimony.org/smt/testimony/172/
My father died when I was just 3 months old. My mother was only 20 and was unprepared to face life alone with a baby. My father's family was so against my father marrying my mother, because she wore lipstick and fingernail polish, that when he died they disowned us and I never saw my grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins even though they lived less than 5 miles from us most of my life. In less than a year's time, my mother met my stepfather, who was old enough to be her father, and in 1 1/2 years I had a brother and 5 years later, a sister. He never physically abused the children but we were terrorized by his very presence. He drank every day and was verbally abusive and when we got old enough to run for help, he locked us in a bedroom while he beat my mother. We could hear him hitting her and hear her screams but were powerless to do anything. In my first, second and third grades, I went to a Catholic school. They were very strict which isn't bad in itself, but there was no love to balance it out and all religion did was fill me with fear of a God who was just waiting for you to mess up so He could punish you. Between my home and school life I was nervous and fearful all the time. When I was 8 years old, my mother dropped my brother, my friend and me at the movies for a Saturday matinee and I was molested by a stranger. When I told what happened, we went to the police. The man was found and arrested. When we got home and told my stepfather, he asked me why I didn't stop him and what did I do to encourage him. The damage that the molester did was nothing compared to the damage brought by my stepfather's attitude. I was devastated and never felt right about myself again. When I was 14, I met a boy and because he wanted more than friendship, I let him have what he wanted so I wouldn't lose this new love I'd found. We were together for 8 years. Then he met someone at college and wrote me to tell me he didn't want me anymore. Again, I was devastated but not surprised because how could anyone love me, I wasn't worth anything. So I put all my efforts into my work and closed my heart to the pain. My boss's son came home from the service and moved into my apartment complex. She told me to stay away from him because he was trouble. But when I met him he seemed charming and exciting..................

It was a whirlwind romance and he swept me off my feet. Again, I would do anything to please so when he told me to go drinking with him or he would find someone who would, I did. When he wanted me to try drugs I said no for a while and then gave in and became a drug addict. After 4 years of marriage, I couldn't take the lying, cheating, adultery and abuse any longer, so I took our two daughters and left. But I immediately fell into another relationship with a close friend and fellow drug addict. He was not abusive and I felt safe in this relationship (talk about deceived). I allowed the drugs to numb me so I wouldn't feel the pain of life, but I also couldn't feel anything else; no love, no peace, no joy. In 1976 we were arrested for drug possession and my husband went to prison because it was not his first arrest. I went to the county jail and ended up with 2 years probation. I had to report to a probation officer each month. She liked me and told me I needed to straighten out for myself and my girls and I knew she was right. But I also knew I couldn't. She asked me if I went to church. I told her 'no'. She said it would look good on my reports and might even shorten my probation. So I asked my mother if she would go to church with me and I told her why. I believed in God all my life, but for the first time I heard that He loved me and wanted to help me live a good, clean life. I wanted that more than anything but I knew I couldn't stop what I was doing. But there was a restless hunger growing in my heart, a hunger to know God and be close to Him. I didn't understand what I was feeling but it was pulling me to Him. The preacher said that all I needed to do is come to Jesus just like I was and He would do the work, that I couldn't even if I wanted to. But I was so afraid of God. I didn't want God to punish me. So with my old attitude of 'I don't have anything to lose so why not', I decided to have a conversation with God. I sat on the couch in the living room and told God I knew He was real; that I had always believed in Him. But I found it very hard to believe in Jesus. I thought it was a fairy tale that God had a Son who He sent here to die for me because I couldn't get to Heaven on my own. I was a sinner and God can't look on sin or be near it, so I couldn't be near Him and I felt like I was in a hopeless situation. As I was sitting there thinking about this, I felt an urge to open the family Bible that was on the coffee table (as a decoration-not because it was used). I had never read the Bible and never wanted to so I didn't know where to start reading. So I just flipped it open. It rested on 1 John 5 and it said (I paraphrase) "If you believe in Me but don't believe in the One that I sent, you are calling Me a liar". My mouth fell open and I knew that God was somehow speaking to me through the Words of His book and I said, "God I would never call you a liar. If you will show me Jesus is real, I will believe". I sat on the couch and cried for 3 hours and when I finished, I was a new person....................

I was so changed, so full of peace and joy. I felt so clean on the inside, I knew I would never do drugs again. I knew that Jesus was real; I couldn't tell you how I knew. Nothing had changed on the outside. But on the inside I knew and I was changed by that knowledge. He loved me, He died for me, and He was in Heaven rejoicing with the angels that I had decided to believe in Him. I knew I was going to have to finish my probation and face the future, but I wasn't afraid anymore; for the first time in my life I was not afraid and it felt wonderful. Love welled up inside of me. I felt the peace and joy that Jesus had promised in His Word. I felt safe, really safe for the first time in my life. I was saved. I didn't know what that meant, I just knew it was good. Everything from then on was going to be perfect (little did I know). Life did take on a surreal quality after that. I saw things in a whole new way. Nothing looked the same. I did end up getting a year taken off my probation because they saw the tremendous change in me. And it was real, not just to look good for them. Jesus lived inside of me. I couldn't wait until visiting day so I could tell my husband. First, he didn't believe me; second, he said it wouldn't last. I was so hurt. I thought when he saw the reality of it, he would want it too. When he was released and we were home together again, I thought things would change. But I went to church with my children and he did not. He didn't want what I had and he was very unhappy with me. I wouldn't allow drugs in the house anymore and he had to go out with his friends to get high. I wasn't angry at this because I remembered I couldn't quit without the Lord's help. But he wouldn't work, just laid around watching TV and doing drugs with his friends. I was so confused. I couldn't understand why he didn't want what I had. It was wonderful; Jesus was wonderful. He had his own beliefs and they included the paranormal and metaphysical. He believed you could cast spells and manipulate people, read the future in tarot cards, and talk to the spirits. When I wouldn't give the Lord up, he tried to change my mind by casting a spell on me. I felt something akin to depression and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I prayed and asked the Lord for help and He told me to go to a certain part of the house. When I got there, I saw a book on a shelf and brought it down. It was a book on how to cast spells and I flipped it open. A highlighted page caught my attention. It was a chapter on how to make your spouse do what you wanted. I closed the book and put it back. I prayed and thanked the Holy Spirit for showing me the truth and protecting me. Immediately, the depression left and never returned. The Bible says that "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world". 1John 4:4 It was true. Jesus defeated the devil at the Cross and I had nothing to fear. In a few months, he couldn't stand being in the same house with me so he left. He went to another state with some friends. He would call and I would tell him we belonged together and God loved him. I prayed for him to come home. After 6 months he was at the front door saying he didn't know why he was there, he just felt compelled to come home. I knew it was an answer to prayer. I knew everything was going to be alright. But nothing changed. He continued to lay around and get high with his friends. I went to the Lord and said, "Lord, I thought things were going to be better. What do you want me to do?" He said "I just want you to love him like I do". That was very difficult for me because I wasn't God. I just wanted to kick him out and get on with my life. But I did as I was told. I did everything as if nothing was wrong. The more I did it, the easier it became. I told him the god that he was serving would destroy him if he didn't stop what he was doing. About 3 months went by and I was at church when the lights went out..............

We thought a transformer had blown but in a little while the lights came back on. When I got home, one of his friends was waiting at the gate to inform me that my husband had hit a telephone pole and had been instantly killed (at the exact time the lights went out at church). My head was reeling. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Why, Lord, why? You were supposed to save him and we were going to grow old together. And He spoke to me and said, "I have given everyone a free will, and I know the future and whether a person is going to accept Me or reject Me and he chose in his heart to follow the ways of evil. I let him go. I will see you through this; have faith in Me". God became my husband and He had always been my father. The days and weeks ahead were together peaceful and agonizing. I couldn't believe my husband had chosen hell over the wonderful promise of eternal life. Then God spoke in my heart, "See, you obeyed Me and now you have no regrets". And that was true. As I reflected on that last year we were together, I saw what God's provision of love did in my life. It had set me free to love someone that was unloveable. After a time, some friends at work played matchmaker and introduced me to the man I would marry. He went to church with us and gave his heart to the Lord. Then he asked me to marry him. I felt much reservation on the inside but I attributed it to fear of remarrying and pushed it aside and said 'yes'. Our life was good for a couple of years and then he started staying out late and I smelled alcohol on his breath. Then he came home one day and said he was leaving. I later found out he was seeing someone else. My oldest daughter became angry and belligerent when he left. She was like a stranger and I couldn't get her to talk to me about what was wrong. For the next 1 1/2 years she ran away from home 3 times and she was out of control. We had a meeting with our Pastor and he determined that something happened before my husband left to make her change this drastically. So I sat her down, told her I loved her and asked her if her stepfather had hurt her in any way before he left. My worst fears were realized when she broke down weeping uncontrollably. She admitted that he had molested her. She was so damaged on the inside and I just wanted to kill him for what he did. But God wouldn't allow me to hate him. He told me the hate would destroy me and my family; to just give the situation to Him and He would take care of it. So I confronted my husband and he denied it. I told him he needed to ask God and my daughter to forgive him, but he said he didn't need to. A couple of years went by and I got word that he had fallen off a scaffold and crushed his leg. Then he was working on a machine and got his hand caught and lost a finger. The judgment of God was on him, I knew. Judgment is intended to draw you to God, but if you run from it, it only gets worse. So back in the beginning when I first felt the hesitation inside, I believe it was the Holy Spirit warning me, but I misread the warning as fear of remarrying and we all paid dearly for my mistake. So at that moment of revelation, I made a promise to God and myself I would not get into any more relationships until my children were grown and safe. I was alone for the next 11 years. During that time, God became everything to me and still is to this day. I went to Bible College and earned a certificate in Bible Study & Spiritual Leadership.........................

I had always been a hairdresser and the Lord told me I enjoyed making people beautiful on the outside but now He was going to show me how to make people beautiful on the inside. Over those years spent with Him, he healed me of the destructive tendencies I had toward myself. He taught me how to love myself. He showed me that I was worth so much to Him that He was willing to go to the Cross even if I were the only person on the earth. And He cares about every detail of my life. Many years ago when the kids were young, I had enough money to take care of us without much extra. I was walking through the mall (something I rarely did) and noticed a pretty shell necklace in the window of a shop. It was only $10 but I couldn't afford it so I walked on by. I never gave it another thought. It was my birthday that week and the next weekend when I went to church, a lady came up to me and handed me a small box. When I looked at her puzzled, she smiled and said a little birdie had told her it was my birthday (my daughter). When I opened the box, my mouth dropped open because it was that pretty shell necklace I had seen at the mall. Now remember, I had told no one about that necklace. Only God knew because He saw the desire of my heart. She said she was walking in the mall and the Lord told her to buy that necklace and He never told her why. She obeyed and when my daughter told her it was my birthday, then He told her it was for me. He cares about every detail of our lives. And that necklace was really from Him. Isn't He wonderful! That was 17 years ago and I still have it. It's out of style now and I don't wear it, but it's a stone of remembrance for me and I will never forget what God did for me that day. There are so many more 'special times' like that. He lets me know all the time what I mean to Him. This is a lifetime process. I have to spend time with Him and open myself up to His scrutiny and be willing to face what He shows me and then give it to Him because I can't change myself. Every step is very liberating. I was so full of 'yuck'. Some of it was not my fault and some of it was. But ultimately, I am responsible for all of it as it applies to my relationship with Him and those around me and He holds me accountable to give it to Him. But it is so worth it; the freedom that He brings. He always replaces it with something so much better. He replaces fear with love. Peace and joy come to replace depression and anger. Isn't that what we're all looking for; just some peace of mind. It's worth everything and yet without God it's impossible to find. I'm not 'there' yet. It's a lifetime process but with God I am going to finish this race. So let me go on...After my youngest daughter married and left home, I started asking God to put someone in my life to share this great experience with. I moved alot with my job and rarely made new friends or socialized. I moved from state to state and city to city and for a time was even out of church. I love to cook and was in a chat room talking about diets and food when I struck up a conversation with an interesting gentleman. We had a lot in common and he was a kind, caring person. We talked, we met and then he moved south to be where I was because I was not moving to snow country. We married in 1997 and our lives are not perfect but with God, we are striving to be the best that we can be. We are elders in our church, greeter coordinators and I am the secretary in our church office. Money is no longer my motivator. Pleasing my Father is what motivates my heart. I know this story was long (but I left so much out that there was not room for). If you relate to any of this, let me pray with you for God to touch your life like He has mine. Don't wait another minute. He's talking to you through these pages and you can hear Him, I know you can...............................

It's really very simple. He's your Daddy. He would like very much for you to sit and talk to Him just like you do your best friend. He already knows what you need. But since He will not force Himself on anyone, you need to ask Him into your life. If you would like to do that just ask Him....."Father, I need you in my life. Jesus, come live inside of me and be my Lord and Savior. Holy Spirit, teach me what I need to know. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me; make me right with you. Thank you that I am now in your Kingdom. Your blood has made me clean and I am on my way to Heaven. I love you, Lord".....See, it was that easy. You are now a child of God and on your way to an adventurous life in Him. Please email me and let me pray with you. (leedunda@bellsouth.net) I would love to rejoice with you. And I want to send you a little gift. Your future is set. Your destiny is secure in God. Read the Bible everyday and find a good church that teaches the whole Bible. God bless you, for the decision you just made is the most important one of your life.....................

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"Your father's in heaven now," one said.

"He's in a better place." I looked at that man like he had lost his mind.

"A better place?" I fumed later.

"As far as I'm concerned, he should be here with me!"

Fortunately, Mum handled the challenge of raising three Teenagers and a two-year old. Returning to college, in a few years she graduated and became a primary school teacher. while she was an island of calm amid turmoil, at 13 I wasn't ready for the shock of losing Dad. People said that time healed all wounds, but it only masked my pain. By age 16 I had quit school and went to work at a tailoring shop, selling men's clothing. With cash in my hands and a new gang of friends, I ran headlong into all the world had to offer.

Although I grew up attending church and knew right from wrong, the lure of this new life was strong. I stopped going to church and learned how to "paint the town red." Gradually, all my thoughts centered on myself. If it felt good, I did it. I also became fascinated with the occult. I got involved with Ouija Boards, hypnosis and séances. I also loved to saturate my mind with music by bands like Black Sabbath, who sang praises to Satan.

This whirlwind of insanity came to an abrupt end two years later. At 2 o'clock one morning, the police appeared at my home. among the charges I faced for a mini crime spree with my new "friends" were assault and robbery.

While I drew a two-year sentence, those who blabbed to the police got off with reduced or minimal jail time. Soured by the realisation that my shallow buddies wouldn't stick around when the going got tough, I felt abandoned and miserable. However, one night in my jail cell, I remembered the promises of God I heard as a young boy. When I called out to Him for help, I suddenly sensed His love flowing into my body.

Even better, I gained renewed strength to finish my sentence. Yet, as soon as that crisis passed, I forgot about God.When the authorities released me, my main vow was to never "go inside" again. Separating myself from my old crowd, I decided it was time to settle down. At the age of 21 I married. However, I never gave up dabbling with Ouija Boards, and other mystical experiences. This and other bad habits led to a rocky marriage. After six years, we separated. I moved 250 miles south to Liverpool (UK) with divorce proceedings pending. It would be another seven years before the final divorce and a custody battle which I lost. The one positive step I took during these years was to learn a trade as an electronics service engineer. Deciding to build a new life, in Liverpool I chose to further my studies at a technical college. With additional credentials under my belt, I expected to be happy. But being qualified in electronics and holding a steady job didn't bring me any joy. Again, I found my spirits sinking. I had tried the occult, crime, drink, marriage, work and other pursuits. Yet, inside the void felt so deep I didn't think it could be filled. Finally, after a traumatic visit to my ex-wife and son, I found myself so depressed I wondered if I could go on.

"Oh God!" I cried out the night I hit bottom.

"If You are there, then please help me, because I have had enough of this life."

God heard that cry. Through a series of remarkable events, my girlfriend (now my wife) and I wound up going to a meeting at a football stadium in Liverpool. The speaker was an American named Billy Graham. We didn't know anything about him. We accepted a friend's invitation because we thought Graham would be teaching on how to live a positive life. What Joan and I heard shocked us.

"If you are not for Jesus, then you are against him," this speaker said.

"You are a sinner and need to ask Christ to forgive you." We sat there in torment for what seemed like an age. Finally, Joan walked to the front and pledged to follow Jesus. Meanwhile, I hung back. Grudgingly, I signed a card saying I had made a decision to live for Christ. In reality, I didn't intend to follow through with that commitment.

Soon after, the vicar at a nearby church came to see us. That upset me. I may have signed a card, but I didn't plan on getting involved in religion. Then, because of a problem with our business, one weekend I visited a friend's home in Scotland. I went intending to talk about business, but found myself in a prayer meeting and Bible study. That night it felt like God grabbed hold of me. The Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin. I could barely stand. I could see myself with my arrogance and sin from God's view, and I did not like what I saw. I knew I was bound for hell and felt thoroughly wretched. At that moment, I knew I had to honour the decision I had made some three weeks earlier at Anfield Football Ground in Liverpool. Right then, I told God I was sorry for ignoring His Son for so many years. I asked Him to forgive me and show me how to make Jesus the Lord of my life.

A month later Joan and I attended a Christian businessmen's meeting in Southport, where we heard a speaker from New Zealand. We also had a powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit, which gave us a constant sense of God's presence and enabled us to pray in a new, heavenly language Soon, I felt God leading me to start a similar meeting for businessmen where we lived. Three months later, we started a group in our area.

In addition, I soon had the honour of traveling with a group of Christian businessmen to Portugal. There we prayed and saw people healed and set free of bad habits, personal crises and marital problems. Many decided to follow Jesus Christ, and many others received the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. That was the beginning of a new life that is as different from my past as night is from day. To be honest, I won't pretend that these past 22 years have been perfect. Like any other family, we have been through difficult times and various struggles.

Still, every time we face a challenge God is there to help and provide for our needs. He even turned my attitude toward money on its head. I no longer care how much money I make, but how much I can invest to help spread the good news about Jesus.

Recently I needed a sizable sum to pay some serious debts. After I prayed, God met my need from two different sources. A surprise? Not for the God who took an arrogant God-hater and turned him into a loving and happy father and husband. He is in the business of transforming wretched lives. His love turned my life around.

UPDATE Christmas 2007.

On the morning of the 12th December 2007, I had a dream. It was not like the usual silly dreams I often get in the half hour before I get up from bed. For example, I once dreamt I had a legless chicken called 'bounce'!! That is the sort of crazy dream I often have to the amusement of my family. This one was different. This dream was in the setting of Christian ministry and my nephew, 'Desmond' was at the centre of it. However, to appreciate the significance of this dream I need to tell you some history.



Pater Noster (www.pn-international.net)











Some readers know that 'Pater Noster' is Latin for 'Our Father' It is also the name of my charity and perhaps describes in two words, my life and later ministry.











In my early years the idea of fatherhood was perhaps alien to me or at best distorted. I had a father until I was 13 and, at his funeral, I recall some well meaning relative saying "Well, he is in a better place – he is with God now" I suffered a strained relationship with God the Father from that time which, over years, grew into a deep seated resentment. As far as I was concerned Dad should have been here with me. I blamed and hated God for this. So I did not have much of an idea of fatherhood. I also left the church when I was 17. In fact I went off the rails somewhat in the early 'seventies' and spent some time incarcerated. That is where I first prayed and sensed the peace of God in my heart. In my mid twenties I lost one of the most precious gifts, my son in the midst of an immature and pathetic divorce. I was not mature enough to deal with things and so, once again, this time as a 'father', I had not much of a clue. I have regretted this loss all my life and wept many, many tears at this failure.



It is interesting however to note that God does not write us off for our mistakes but often makes us return to address theses sort of issues in our lives. I came back to Christ in 1984 (in my early thirties), and have been a committed Christian ever since. I have known and responded to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and experienced His power, I have made Christ both the focus and rudder in my life. I restored my confidence in God the Father and now seek to serve Him incarnationally.



Then, three years ago, something happened. I had my 'Damascus Road' call into ministry. The story is too long for this short piece but I would be glad to share it with anyone who is interested. So I have been developing my ministry which seems to have a lot to do with the ministry of the Father. This happens in both physical and spiritual spheres. Oftentimes, when I am ministering in Romania, God sends people to me for prayer. I sometimes feel obliged just to give them 'one big hug' instead of a load of words. When this happens, God the Father ministers directly into their hearts and many times the recipient of this love is dissolved into tears. It is as if that somehow I tap into just a tiny fraction of God's compassion and the result is amazing, I never know what it is all about. The ministry is direct to the Father, in the name of Jesus and by the power of His Holy Spirit.

Damascus Road' call into ministry. The story is too long for this short piece but I would be glad to share it with anyone who is interested. So I have been developing my ministry which seems to have a lot to do with the ministry of the Father. This happens in both physical and spiritual spheres. Oftentimes, when I am ministering in Romania, God sends people to me for prayer. I sometimes feel obliged just to give them 'one big hug' instead of a load of words. When this happens, God the Father ministers directly into their hearts and many times the recipient of this love is dissolved into tears. It is as if that somehow I tap into just a tiny fraction of God's compassion and the result is amazing, I never know what it is all about. The ministry is direct to the Father, in the name of Jesus and by the power of His Holy Spirit.

Damascus Road' call into ministry. The story is too long for this short piece but I would be glad to share it with anyone who is interested. So I have been developing my ministry which seems to have a lot to do with the ministry of the Father. This happens in both physical and spiritual spheres. Oftentimes, when I am ministering in Romania, God sends people to me for prayer. I sometimes feel obliged just to give them 'one big hug' instead of a load of words. When this happens, God the Father ministers directly into their hearts and many times the recipient of this love is dissolved into tears. It is as if that somehow I tap into just a tiny fraction of God's compassion and the result is amazing, I never know what it is all about. The ministry is direct to the Father, in the name of Jesus and by the power of His Holy Spirit.

Now, what has all this to do with a dream?























On the day of Pentecost, Christ's disciples and followers had been accused of being drunk as the Holy Spirit came upon them and the exited from the safety of the 'upper room' and became bold witnesses of Christ.











Acts 2-17 explains what the phenomena actually was all about… (brackets mine)



…….. On the contrary (they are not drunk), this is what the prophet (Joel) was saying: (read Joel 2.28) 17 in the last days; the Lord declares, I shall pour out my Spirit on all humanity. Your sons and daughters shall prophesy, your young people shall see visions, your old people (or elders) dream dreams.













Well..... God gave ME a dream.



Well..... God gave ME a dream.



Well..... God gave ME a dream.















The Dream











In my dream I entered a house. My Nephew Desmond was there but he looked awful. He was small, thin, cowed, pathetic and shaken. I called him to me and he refused to come near. I pressed him to come over and eventually he did. By this time some people were coming in the room so I felt I did not have much time to say what I had to. When he came in front of me I just held his hands and said.











"Desmond, no matter what you have done…. God loves you".

I then pulled him closer and gave him a big hug"











It was one of those BIG HUGS I told you about where God the Father is doing his business. God was ministering. Well, that what I believe anyway; you can make of it what you will but I will stake my Christian reputation on the contents and validity of this dream. I do not believe in co-incidences.



I was awakened from my sleep shortly after this point with the phone call to tell me that Desmond had been found dead. This whole event is shocking but, in it all, I believe that God has made sure we know that Desmond, even though some might say that he failed in his life here, is now safe in the arms of the Lord. Don't blame God for this. That would be like a trapeze artist blaming the net for his fall.



My Prayer - will you join me?











May God continue to minister to Desmond's family and see them through this awful tragedy. May this experience somehow bring us all to a better understanding of the more important issues in our lives. May we see clearly what we have to do to balance the secular and spiritual areas of our lives and may we become better people through the experience of this valley. May we continue to Praise God for His goodness to us and may many come to know Christ as a result.













www.pn-international.net

www.iain-ogilvie.com



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I seek only to tell the truth in how I came to know and serve my King as I see it, and my understanding of my experience through prayer and the use of God's Word. At almost fifty-two years of age, I testify to my salvation story in the hope that you may realize who you are in Christ Jesus the King, and how each of you have a uniqueness designed by God, that you will either use to serve His blessed purposes, or have twisted to serve the enemy of your soul. In my book (and in God's)… there is no in between ground to stand upon.



I was blessed to be brought up in a Christian home with loving and approachable parents, grand-parents, uncles and aunts. We were all church attending Baptists and I don't ever remember a time when I wasn't aware of the presence of God. I mean REALLY aware of His presence. I was an avid Bible reader from early childhood. I talked with God continually. In fact I was aware and experienced the supernatural world for as long as I remember. It was as real to me as any other aspect of this existence. And it's that fact, more than any other, which led me through strange waters for the majority of my life.



At sixteen I had been baptized three times, having walked the aisle repeatedly in an attempt to experience the freedom and power in Christ that I knew that His Word spoke of. But each time I was left feeling as if something was missing. At that young age I sat on my bed and wept, reading my Bible and crying out to God, who in His mercy answered me and told me I was saved. I couldn't tell you whether I heard with my ears or my spirit that day, it was so real, but I never doubted being saved again. When God tells you something it sticks!



I won't give the enemy any credit, but suffice it to say that even with the knowledge of being saved I still was drawn away into the world. I still experienced the supernatural in ways that remain hard to explain. I won't give Satan any credit here. Yet, it was like walking with one foot in reality and another in a place few would believe even existed, but the Word speaks very loudly on. I felt that I was caught between, not being able to fully understand what I saw and heard, or being able to really tell anyone for fear of being thought crazy. But I maintained my love for God's Word and my conversations with Him. It was a life line for me and helped me to at least give a frame work of truth to what I was experiencing. But still I fell into a myriad of sins, aware of my failures, but unable to rise above them.



Now hold on to your rosary beads for this one. Through all of this, because I had the ability to, for lack of a better term, "discern spirits," I knew that I had a demonic presence following me since I was a kid. It wasn't my imagination, or my excuse. The "devil" didn't make me do anything I didn't want to. But I could not deny that an entity had been very real to me since early childhood and I couldn't escape its influence. Swallow what I'm telling you or don't. That's your choice. But whether you believe the truth of it or not, I did and do to this day, and can you imagine what that was like for me? It's a type of spiritual harassment that you can't just run out and find counseling for. I think my case may be true for many others, but they just don't realize it. For me it was real enough that although I managed to push the thought of it aside from time to time (in fact they prefer that), the truth would exert itself often enough to magnify the shame and indignity of it all.



There I was, a professed Christian, full of the love of Christ and chained to His enemy. All the while God's Word was saying to me that I could be free, I could live a different life. But how? I couldn't be possessed by the unclean spirit because I was Christ's, and I believe, the prayers of my mother and grand-mothers stood in the gap for me many times. God spared my life so many times, often miraculously. But the enemy could oppress me… and I was sick of it. I wanted free!



Where was the power to make that happen? I saw it in the Word, but I didn't know how to make it happen, and not many Baptists, or other denominations for that matter, are writing Sunday School lessons or sermons on "How to Free Yourself from a Demon,"… unless I missed that Sunday. I missed a lot of Sundays during those days, so I guess it's possible.



In my forty's, convinced of the baptism of the Holy Spirit and the resulting things that accompany it, I began to plead with God and I was instructed by Him to make my way to a certain church, to go down their aisles, and to have someone lay hands on me and pray for me. That's a BIG thing to ask of a Baptist boy! No one had told me of this church, and although I had studied many beliefs in my time, I had never experienced anything like this type of Christian worship.



When I got there they were praising God with their voices and songs and clapping their hands! In my particular church we never clapped or raised a ruckus! Not even if you wanted to after someone had sang a particularly good song… never.



I don't mean that there was any disorder to it. No one was running around barefoot on the back of the pews or anything. No one was screaming out stuff. But people were talking and singing in tongues and such… I didn't want to be there. But I knew enough from my Bible study that God desires obedience above all else and it was He who had told me to come there.



So I walked down that aisle and stood there waiting… and waiting… and waiting. In my old church someone would have pounced on me the moment I came down that aisle. They would have had a pencil and paper and would have wanted to know my name and why I had come down, etc. But not these people. They just kept praying and singing and worshipping until I told the Lord, "Okay, I've done my part. I'm down here and no one is coming forward to meet me and I'm sure not going to chase someone down up here and tell them that YOU sent me to get prayed all over." And I started to turn away and go back up the aisle and out the door.



But then I heard my name being called… real loud. It would have had to have been loud to carry over all the worship and praying that was going on in that place. I mean… they even had a horn section with trumpets playing for Pete's sake! And it was from this horn section that I turned to see an old school mate of mine laying down his horn and running off the stage toward me calling my name. I didn't know that he was a deacon of the church. In fact I hadn't seen him in years.



When he reached me he asked me why I was there and had come down the aisle… I threw caution to the wind. "The Lord told me to come here and to have someone lay hands on me and pray." It seemed to me at the time that blurting out that I had a demon oppressing me might have been a bit much. But now I know that he would have accepted that explanation just as matter of factly as what I had said.



In fact, he didn't say a word in answer; he didn't even hesitate. His hands flew up and on me before I could blink and he began to pray in tongues with more passion than I had ever heard in a prayer in my entire life. And then the strangest thing happened. I saw the demon that had harassed me for oh so many long years.



The thing took off like it was shot out of a cannon into the blackness of what seemed like space and it took me with it for a ways. Then suddenly it let go and left me as it fled off into the darkness, shrinking until it disappeared from my site. The next thing I knew I was standing back at the church, screaming, "Thank you Jesus" at the top of my lungs! I never would have done that in my old church. It would have been too embarrassing, but I didn't care any more. I was finally free and filled with the Holy Spirit!



I started attending that church and years later a visiting preacher from Ireland, whom I had never met, called out that there was a "watchman" in the house. He began to describe what I had seen and been through during my life, and how although it had never made any sense, that it would now. The Spirit really fell upon me that night and I was anointed with the gift of being a "watchman" for the King. I've tried to walk in that calling ever since, being eventually being called to serve at another church in that capacity.



So now I stand upon the walls and I watch and listen and pray.



This I know:



1) God is speaking to all of His children through the Holy Spirit. We just don't get still enough to listen. So I'm not "special" in that sense.



2) You make think me blessed to have seen the supernatural and believed the Word, but if you haven't experienced such things take heart! My Bible says in John 20:29 that you are more blessed if you don't see and yet believe. Believing what you see is easy.



3) The most powerful prayers are not those of a warrior or a prophet, but those of a "mercy giver" with the heart of Christ. The compassionate prayer, not the passionate one, is more apt to catch the Father's ear.



4) In my opinion (and personal experience), it is possible to be "sealed" unto salvation by the Holy Spirit through our confession of faith in Christ (Eph. 1: 12 – 14) and not be "filled" with the Holy Spirit. The sign of our salvation, of being born again, is our regeneration (the way we change) through the work of the Holy Spirit upon our lives. We begin to show the "fruit of the Spirit" when we are truly saved. (Gal. 5: 21 -23 & Eph. 5: 8 – 10)



One of the things the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit" empowers us to do in our

lives is whatever the Father's will is. Ideally this happens at our conversion (Eph.: 4:5). Yet, Hebrews 6: 2 speaks of baptism in the plural, and in Acts 1:5 Christ says: "For John truly baptized with water; but ye shall be baptized with the Holy Ghost not many days hence." But if you never hear of it, it's hard to have the faith to receive it. (Read Acts 19: 1 – 7, Acts 18: 25 - 27)



And that's what happened to me. I was saved but felt something "missing." Something that the Bible speaks of as empowering (Acts 1:8) me to do God's will. Sometimes, like Paul, (Rom. 7:14 through 8:4), I wanted to do the right thing but found it almost impossibly hard. The Baptism of the Holy Spirit made all of the difference for me!



If you have questions about the "watchman" anointing then you can read more on it by doing a word search in your Bible on the term. Ezekiel Chapter 33 and Isaiah Chapter 21 are good beginnings.



Yours in Christ



Joel



Habakkuk 2: 1-4> What's God going to say to my questions? I'm braced for the worst. I'll climb to the lookout tower and scan the horizon. I'll wait to see what God says, how he'll answer my complaint. And then God answered: "Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. "Look at that man, bloated by self-importance— full of himself but soul-empty. But the person in right standing before God through loyal and steady believing is fully alive, really alive. (Message Bible)]]>http://www.sharemytestimony.org/smt/testimony/184/
I remember how I thought about that at the time. Because she was my mother I fully accepted that what she said was the truth. Then as I got older the world tried to convince me otherwise, and now I reflect upon it and understand that although I was taken from her physically because of her health problems, In my heart she was always present. Most would be embarrassed at the thought of their mother having mental problems and being committed, not once but several times, but in spite of all that, and my younger years (12yrs-17yrs) being spent in childrens homes and foster homes, the love of my mother was never taken from me, or mine from her, when she was able we wrote and visited as I was allowed. Her last years were spent with me, and her last words were to me, and her last breath was taken in my presence. I was gone from the hospital taking care of family business, my wife was with her, and when I returned I held her hand and she took her last breath and gave up the ghost. I always thought she was waiting on me, God Knows.

Early in my marriage at 17 years of age I joined the Army. Although I was well qualified to be sent to Vietnam, and even requested it, I was denied. I have always felt that that was a protection. Praise The Lord.

I recieved a medical discharge from the army because my kidneys were failing. Within 2 years of my discharge I was on kidney dialysis, nearly 4 years.

Because of our association with Jehovah's Witnesses I turned down my first transplant offer because of "the blood issue". The second offer, which it is a miracle in itself that it was offered in view of my turning down the first and for the reason I did, I took. I didn't want to leave my children. I neglected to mention earlier that my father had passed away when I was 4, and I had spent most of my life seeking and never finding a "father image" to emulate (I WILL BE A FATHER TO THE FATHERLESS SON, and so my prayer just before transplantation of a cadaver kidney was to be around for my children. I was 29 years of age. When I awoke from surgery my wife told me I had asked about my grandmother and how was she doing? I vaguely remembered having thought of my grandmother while I was under anethesia. My wife left the room because she did not know whether or not to tell me that she had called to let grandma know how things were going with me and was told that at about the same time as I was in surgery my grandmother was also, but because of her weak heart, she did not survive it.

During recovery I was told that the kidney was not responding and that in another day, if significant improvement was not evident they would have to remove it. Add to this a cleanliness problem in my reverse isolation room, and the fact that a nurse came in without mask and gown as clearly instructed on the door of the room, and the frustration she gave me when I asked her to go put on the mask and gown and you have a reciepe for disaster. My wife cleaned my room, the nurse very indignantly stormed off, and I lay there very frustrated by it all. When my wife left for the night, I placed my hand over the transplant site and talked to the kidney. I also prayed a great deal and after labs the next morning, they found my kidney to be recovering, as it had been somehow bruised. The doctors told me that my body was healing it, perhaps, but I give credit to the Lord for that. Another miracle.

My wife passed on shortly after my mother. I was a emotional wreck. I looked for a person who could fill her shoes. MISTAKE. I even believe I was warned not to marry the woman but did not listen.

I wanted to seek the approval of the Lord, so I asked my intended to come pray with me on the bank of an area lake. I was beginning to pray on my knees to the Lord when I recieved a shock, and it prevented my speech. Oh how I wish I had listened to that! Long story short, she divorced me, not once but twice, because I was dead set on not failing my marriage and pleasing the Lord. The second time, I remembered where the lord had said: If the non-believer depart, let him/her depart a brother or sister is under no obligation under these circumstances.

I mourned that we were not able to make a go of it and it upset me because contrary to my former attitudes I had been very mild with this lady. She was of Mormon belief and I studied her beliefs and tried to understand but did not get the witness to the truth from that teaching, although I did become baptised as the result of that short union. I felt the baptism to be valid because it was in my heart for many years to be baptised but I was prevented because of my desire to please my first wife and my inability to fully accept Jehovah's Witness Beliefs.

I have just had a quadruple bypass surgery. Money of course was a problem. However, the Lord has provided for our material needs and we are thankful. Oh! I didn't mention that shortly after my divorce a lady came into my life and we married. She has been wonderful! We actually study scripture and pray together and it is not frustrating but a blessing.....A BLESSING.... I now feel the love of the Father and Jesus in a much different light, because of my first wife, and my second wife, neither of us could pray or study God's word together without a great fuss over this or that. I am still STIFF-NECKED on a lot of things and know I am a sinner. But I feel blessed in so many ways on account of the things he has done in my life. There have been so many blessings, I hope that these things will convince my stiff necked attitude to get lost. I hope in the Lord, I pray to the Lord, And I thank him daily.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that my doctors told me that I might get 10 to 15 years out of my transplanted kidney. I recieved it in 1981. It is now almost 2007! And although they thought the heart by-pass surgery could cause the kidney to quit functioning that has not been the case. ANOTHER MIRACLE

All this kind of scares me in a way because I recall that the Lord said: "to whom much is given, much will be expected".

But I am comforted because he also said: "the one who is forgiven much, will love him the more"

Let this be a start of whatever the Lord wants me to do. And I pray that no one doubt, and when you do, persist in prayer, for he hears you.

Yes, even if someone tells you "because you are not of a certain religious organization the Lord will not hear your prayer" he does, especially if you are putting forth the effort to understand and do what he wants of you.

BLESSING TO ALL AND MAY YOU HAVE PEACE IN THE LORD





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