Because success is the target, setting goals is necessary if you hope to achieve it. As a parent, there is a good chance, you have  set your own goals and perhaps achieved them. Possibly you are in the process of achieving them or are  still working very hard to be sure they are achieved.

Do you believe that your teenagers who are growing into young adults should have goals? Should you be the one to set them for your kids, especially if they are already teenagers? Surely, teens should set their own goals because they are the only ones who know what they would like to achieve better than anyone. Parents do not necessarily know, or anyone else in the world for that matter.

As a part of parenting, you can help your teens develop their far and future vision. They need to set their own goals, rather it be for the long-term or for the short-term. Teenagers need guidance and proper advice, especially when they are in the process of developing and framing their personalities that will take them into manhood or womanhood.

Parents should help their teens formulate their dream for the future. They have so much to learn, and as a parent or a guardian, it is your responsibility to make sure their dreams are on the right path and are achievable and reasonable.

Here are some useful tips to help you teach your teens to effectively set their goals:

• Explain why goals, rather than short term or long term, are very crucial and important to them. Be sure to explain why having goals are important and why they are better off to set goals even when there is no guaranty that these goals will ever be achieved.

• Teach them to clearly identify his or her goals and explain why it is important to define them. Goals are based on personal interests, likes, ambitions, knowledge, skills and talent. Teenage-hood is a time of confusion when wisdom and practical advice from elders and guardians would really be helpful and insightful.

• Make sure that they know the difference between long term and short term goals and point out where to begin to set the goals. Setting a time frame for meeting their goals provides them with a  clear idea where to start to achieve the goals, and what they must do in a timely manner to achieve them. Often, important goals in life should be started immediately.

• Suggest how they might achieve their goals by outlining some step-by-step procedures or processes to head them in the direction they need to go. Of course, teens can figure much of this out themselves and it is helpful for them to know the techniques. Just be there to help them by making specific and vivid suggestions when they ask for your advice on how to effectively accomplish the goals.

Remember that you are far more knowledgeable and experienced and your advice and suggestions would be welcomed by your teen as long as you do not try to take over.

• Orient the teen on how to overcome obstacles and effectively deal with defeat that may come their way as some obstacles are inevitable. Teach the teen the value of determination even when little failures occur. Let them know you will be there for them.

• Relay several anecdotes or personal experiences about your own goal setting experiences. The personal touch is always the best and they could learn from some of the problems that you have had to overcome to meet your own goals.

Read some of the tips for parenting teenagers by reading our introduction to Parenting Teens.

Parenting Teens–Teach Goal Setting for Success is a post from: Share Parenting Tools

April is the National Autism Awareness Month and is being used to acquaint people with the development disorder. Autism causes a wide variety of impairments in children including slow development of verbal skills and social skills. Unfortunately, there seems to be an increase in the number of children who have autism and more parents who need expert parenting advice to deal with this disorder. Experts have learned that early intervention is very important in getting the treatment for autism started.

There is no doubt that most people are more informed about autism than they were as recently as a couple of decades ago. Dr. Ellen Feldman, an Altru Health System child psychiatrist says that it is important to be aware of your child’s development. If parents are concerned about some aspect of their child’s development or have had concerns expressed to them by someone who sees the child on a regular basis, they should voice them to their family doctor or pediatrician, she said.

According to the most recent statistics, autism occurs in one out of every 110 children in the United States and is more common in boys than girls. There has been no conclusive research about what causes autism, but experts believe that it most likely is a combination of genetics and environmental factors, Feldman said.

Meanwhile, when parents take their infants and toddlers for their check-ups, they should talk to their doctors about their emotional and social development, as well as their physical development, she said.

If diagnosed early, there are several different types of behavioral interventions used to treat autism, Feldman said. The types of interventions used depend on the child’s symptoms and level of impairment.

“They really have to be tailored to the child.”

A team approach, which includes a medical provider, psychologist, psychiatrist, parents, educators and a variety of different types of therapists, typically is the best way to treat autism, Feldman said.

Moving forward–

“I think what’s hopeful to me is the progress that’s been made in treatments… good early intervention, what a difference that makes in their lives,” Feldman said. “It really is critical.”

Besides being aware of the importance of early diagnosis, people need to be conscious that children with autism have feelings like every other child, Feldman said. Children with autism are different than other children in some ways, but they add interest to life and should be appreciated for the unique people they are, she said.

The article can be found at:
Autism and Early Intervention

Share any experiences you may have had in dealing with children who have autism. If you like this article, please share it with others through Twitter and Facebook.

Early Intervention Important to Autism Treatment is a post from: Share Parenting Tools

No drinks for Teens

Parents need to remind their teen that drinking alcohol is not something they should be doing. Unfortunately, it does not stop there. Not only should parents be talking to their kids about alcohol, they should be talking to them about oxycontin, xanax, ecstasy, marijuana, adderal, ritalin, and just about every other legal and illegal drug around. It is not enough to just say “Don’t take drugs.” There needs to be a very explicit discussion of what those drugs are and what they do.

If you have been communicating with your teens during the growing up years, then they may actually listen to you. But if the communication lines have been closed, then your chances of making an impression on them now is a lot less. They will just return to doing what they want to do and pay little attention to what you are telling them.

No alcohol drinking for teenagers

Read the entire article by Kim Painter at USA Today:
Talk to Teens About Alcohol

Prom and Graduation Time: Talk to Teens About Drinking is a post from: Share Parenting Tools

Dr. Patricia Nan Anderson with a doctorate in educational psychology and a professor of early childhood education with 30 years of experience in child development has had a great deal of concern for the lack of attention paid to parenting and the home environment. As a mother and grandmother, she can also speak from her actual experiences.

Julie Gilkay interviewed Dr. Anderson who lives in Seattle when she was appearing at the Fox Cities Book Festival. The entire article can be found at this link:
Children need Love

Q: Can you talk about the importance of reading at a young age and the role of books in childhood development?

A: Here’s the thing: It takes children four years to really master talking. Not until age 4 can children speak correctly just about all the time, and that’s with talking and listening every day of those four years, just about every minute they’re awake.

But we expect kids to learn to read in just one school year, in kindergarten or first grade.

To help children be ready to learn to read in kindergarten or first grade, children need to become experts at how books are organized, how stories work and the idea that letters and print tell the story. Children have to know that reading is enjoyable and have to have some background in popular books their friends have heard. The place this has to happen is at home and at childcare, and it happens slowly, over time, starting when they are babies and toddlers. Reading with a child is one of the most important investments a parent can make in that child’s school success.

Kids need to know that reading is something adults do. It’s not just a school-skill.

So while it’s important to read with your baby and your toddler and your preschooler and your older child, it’s also important that your child see you reading, too. Many adults say they’re “not a reader.” Being a parent is the time to rediscover reading. Your child wants to be like you. If you want your child to learn to read, you have to read yourself.

Q: The public school system in Wisconsin is set to lose $900 million in state funding. What are your thoughts on that?

A: Well, of course, any loss of funding for education is very distressing. If I ran the world, things would be different. But I don’t and parents don’t and teachers don’t, and we still must raise our children. What to do? It helps to remember that what children believe about themselves and their ability is essential. And a can-do attitude has to be cultivated; it’s really easy for kids to think “I’m just not good at math” or “I don’t like reading.” So we all need to adopt what’s known as a mastery orientation, which agrees that practice makes perfect. If a child is not good at math, it’s just that he’s not good at math yet. And if a parent isn’t good at math it’s that she’s just not good at math yet. We can all still master the skills we want to learn. It all depends on our attitude.

Q: Would it be accurate to say that your philosophy on parenting is, “Every good thing that happens between us happens first at home”? If so, what do you mean by that?

A: That statement just means that being a parent is really, really important. It reminds us that the good things we want for our children and the good things we enjoy in our communities and nation all depend upon lessons learned at home, about simple courtesy, self-control, kindness, responsibility and so on. Every good thing that we enjoy together is developed and supported by what parents do at home. This is why parenting is important and why good parenting is worth working for.

Q: What is the biggest roadblock parents face today?

A: Parents today are under a great deal of pressure to be perfect and to have perfect children, despite the fact that in many households all the adults work, money is tight, and there’s tremendous stress. There’s a lot of information on TV and the Internet about how to raise kids — not all of it helpful — which means there’s a lot of anxiety about doing the wrong thing or getting the wrong results. Many parents I work with are confused and anxious. And that’s no fun. Many parents blame their children. And that’s not fair. The solution to this anxiety is to realize that raising children takes every minute of the 18 or 22 years moms and dads have. It can’t be done overnight. It happens slowly, in a gradual shaping of behavior and understanding. So, as much as possible, take the long view and understand that no parent and no child is or has to be perfect. Enjoy each other!

Q: What form of discipline do you endorse or find to be the most effective?

A: I endorse self-discipline, which means modeling behavior one wants to see and helping a child learn to behave appropriately in any situation. This takes time. It can’t be done with gimmicks. But did you know that even “good” children hear four times as many negative comments about their behavior as positive ones? We get what we talk about. Talk about the things your child does right.

Q: Biggest parenting mistakes?

A: Maybe the biggest mistake is thinking that everyone else has it all together and we’re the only ones who are confused or in doubt. Living with another person of any age requires us to be flexible and that means that sometimes we’re in between feeling certain and feeling uncertain. Our child really is another person. She’s not a clone of us or an extension of us or a possession. Just like any other person, she will do things we don’t expect and we’ll have to adjust. Being comfortable with that is part of being a grown-up mom or dad. It’s OK if we feel confused sometimes. And it’s OK to ask for advice or help.

Q: Can you talk about the importance of building responsibility in children?

A: We all want our kids to be responsible. Sometimes, though, we’re uncertain what we mean by that. Being responsible isn’t just doing what Mom and Dad say. The responsible person can assess a situation, identify the right thing to do in that situation and then do it. Obviously, this is pretty complex. So teaching responsibility isn’t something that happens overnight. Responsibility is developed over time, in little ways, every day. And just as in learning anything else, when learning to be responsible a kid will make mistakes. The responsible adult expects this and is always ready to re-teach.

Q: One of the challenges of parenthood is finding some me time. What are your suggestions on how to make that happen and why it’s important?

A: One of the quickest ways for parents in two-parent households to get some me time is to ask their partner to take over for a while. A lot of moms think that the way they do things is the only right way and that dads just don’t do things the way Mom would. But by lightening up and letting Dad be an equal partner, both parents can benefit. In single-parent households, a mom or dad might need to trade off with a friend or relative. But the biggest step is just planning some time off and making that happen.

And why is me time important? Me time helps keep parenting in perspective. There are other things in life besides our kids, you know! Me time also keeps us from becoming so involved in our children that we are tempted to take over their lives.

And me time helps us step back once in a while and let the solutions to parenting problems bubble up. I’m sure you’ve had this experience, that an idea occurs to you only when you quit thinking about it. Me time gives you a chance to listen to your own inner wisdom.

Q: What one message do you hope parents who hear your talk or read your book walk away with?

A: I hope that parents will understand that anyone can do this; anyone can have a happy family life and raise children to be good people. It doesn’t take any money or any special toys or fancy school or anything else they don’t have right now.

Every parent has what they need: love, a few minutes each day to talk with their children, a few more minutes each day to listen to their children, time to read together, moments in which to model the kind of behavior they want to see. Raising children is never simple, and every family has tremendous challenges. But you can do this. I have confidence in you.

Dr. Anderson’s parenting advice is very “down to earth” and her advice is easy to follow. Spend time with your children and listen and talk to them. Finding time to do it is the problem that most of us have. Single parents have it really hard because they must shoulder all of the child rearing by themselves. No downtime for them. Teaching children to be responsible adults takes many years of work. If you were interviewed, what parenting advice would you give? Anything different from hers?

Parenting Advice: Need a Lot of Love and Patience is a post from: Share Parenting Tools

Mark Redmond, author of The Goodness Within: Reaching Out to Troubled Teens with Love and Compassion has written an article describing his admiration of John Wooden UCLA basketball coach who recently died at the age of 99. Mark became fascinated with John Wooden who was often quoted in books about leadership. From a book about “Coach Wooden” by Pat Williams, he learned about the Seven Rules for Living given to John by his father Joshua Hugh Wooden scribbled on a piece of paper and carried in John’s wallet all of his life.

These Seven Rules for Living are:

These Seven Rules for Living are:

1. Be true to yourself.

2. Help others.

3. Make each day your masterpiece.

4. Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.

5. Make friendship a fine art.

6. Build a shelter against a rainy day by the life you live.

7. Pray for guidance and counsel, and give thanks for your blessings each day.

According to the author, Joshua Wooden gave that slip of paper to his son and said, “Son, try to live up to this,” and John Wooden kept that piece of paper in his wallet till the day he died.

I read the book and time after time thought, “If only parents could raise their kids this way, we wouldn’t have the problems we do.” Really. Most of the lessons are so basic, but it’s hard for me to shake the notion that these are the basics that we are missing today.

Here is the article in its entirety:
Seven Rules for Living

Parenting Lessons From a Deceased Basketball Coach

Mark Redmond
Executive director, Spectrum Youth and Family Services; author, ‘The Goodness Within’

Watching March Madness last month reminded me of the very first time I followed March Madness, although back then it was simply the NCAA Men’s Division Basketball Championship.

I was a senior in high school, and I sat in our living room with my father to watch the championship game, which was UCLA vs. Kentucky. I remember that Curt Gowdy was the TV announcer, and he certainly left you with the sense that this was a historic moment in sports, principally because it was the final outing of UCLA coach John Wooden. UCLA won that night, and it was John Wooden’s tenth championship in twelve years, an NCAA record that still stands today and is unlikely to ever be broken.

I’ve always been intrigued about John Wooden, who passed away at age 99 in June of last year, because he is frequently quoted or referred to in books about leadership. So when I was strolling through the local Borders two weeks ago and came upon the sports section, I looked for a book by or about him. There was no shortage; there were probably 10 different ones. I decided to purchase the most recently published, “Coach Wooden,” by Pat Williams. Less than 200 pages long, it was an easy read, and to my surprise, very little of it was about basketball. Most of the book was about the Seven Rules for Living, which John Wooden’s father, Joshua Hugh Wooden, had scribbled on a piece of paper and given to his son upon the latter’s eighth grade graduation.

These Seven Rules for Living are:

1. Be true to yourself.

2. Help others.

3. Make each day your masterpiece.

4. Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.

5. Make friendship a fine art.

6. Build a shelter against a rainy day by the life you live.

7. Pray for guidance and counsel, and give thanks for your blessings each day.

According to the author, Joshua Wooden gave that slip of paper to his son and said, “Son, try to live up to this,” and John Wooden kept that piece of paper in his wallet till the day he died.

I read the book and time after time thought, “If only parents could raise their kids this way, we wouldn’t have the problems we do.” Really. Most of the lessons are so basic, but it’s hard for me to shake the notion that these are the basics that we are missing today.

Regarding his father’s first principle, “Be true to yourself,” Wooden wrote, “I believe it is the first point in Dad’s creed for a reason. You must know who you are and be true to who you are if you are going to be who you can and should become.

You must have the courage to be true to yourself.” He told his players, “You can fool anyone, but you should never fool yourself. As soon as you fool yourself, you are done.”

Here are some other great quotes and excerpts from the book.

In those early days, Dad’s message about basketball — and life — was this: “Johnny, don’t try to be better than somebody else, but never cease trying to be the best you can be. You have control over that. The other you don’t.” It was simple advice: work hard, very hard, at those things I can control and don’t lose sleep over the rest of it.

Do not be too concerned about what others may think of you. Be very concerned about what you think of yourself.

When I was teaching basketball, I urged my players to try their hardest to improve on that very day, to make that practice a masterpiece…. It begins by trying to make each day count and knowing you can never make up for a lost day.

Poetry, biographies, and all the other great books will greatly enrich your life. There are so many that are so good, and they will all be available to you. The poetry Dad read to us when we were kids instilled a love of reading. Drink deeply from those great books of your own choosing and you will enrich yourself.

Don’t take friendship for granted. Friendship is giving and sharing of yourself. Someone is not a good friend because he or she does good things for you all the time. It’s friendship when you do good things for each other. It’s showing concern and consideration. The first and most important step in friendship is being a friend.

Then there was this from one of his former players, Swen Nater: “John Wooden’s philosophy was that you have never lived a perfect day until you have helped someone who can never repay you in any way. John Wooden’s goal was to live a perfect day — not once, but every single day. He really concentrated on that goal.”

I highly recommend that anyone who is a parent read about John Wooden. You will learn fundamental lessons about what it takes to raise a responsible, successful child, and I can’t help but believe that it’s the fundamentals that we are so sorely lacking today. I am reminded of the time a few years ago when one of the counselors at Spectrum Youth and Family Services, where I work, was recuperating from an operation and was laid up at home for a few weeks. When I asked her what she did all day, she replied, “I watched old reruns of ‘The Andy Griffith Show,’ and if only today’s parents raised their children like Sheriff Taylor and Aunt Bea did with Opie, our society would be fine.”

As a coach, John Wooden had so much opportunity to influence the lives of so many young people, both by example and by a teacher. Once a neighbor who was always trying the latest fads asked me how I knew what I did with my children was right. That gave me a moment’s thought, then I answered “It is the old fashioned way and it is the only way I know.” John’s rules fall in that category. They are down to earth but very solid. As parents, you may be tempted to try different methods, but somehow don’t you think we get back to the tried and true methods? Would you teach John’s Seven Rules to your children? Any others that you think should be added or perhaps are better?

Would love to hear from everyone. Here is the link to Mark Redmond’s book.

Pat

John Wooden’s “Seven Rules for Living” is Good Parenting Advice is a post from: Share Parenting Tools