Shattered into one piece

Stupid

2012-01-28T03:24:00.001-06:00

So much of my memory is in pieces. I can remember the tiniest detail of some while other are hazy bits that are stronger to my senses than anything else. I can read a page and...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Madness

2012-01-27T10:26:00.004-06:00

I find it easier to talk about my father than my mother. His was such an overt evil that even when I lose myself to denial, I find my way back quickly with the jolt of a single memory. ...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Blocks

2012-01-26T01:11:00.000-06:00

Silence. It sings when perfectly still. With the constant banter in my mind it is hard to find a silent spot. But when I do, I find the warmth in being all alone. ...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Joe

2012-01-25T09:55:00.000-06:00

Burned, bruised and broken. One split lip on top of another. A line of bruises march up your back like a second spine. You cut your lip walking up some stairs. The bruises...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Jill

2012-01-24T10:15:00.001-06:00

I see you so small. Pink and purple hair screaming for attention. Tiny flecks of glitter just enough to sparkle in his darkness. A camera says that you are pretty. He orders you to...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Afraid

2012-01-20T15:55:00.000-06:00

I deal with fear nearly every single moment that I'm awake. My past has left me a very fearful present. I am also afraid and that feels very different. To me, being afraid is...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Broken

2012-01-18T13:57:00.000-06:00

It happened again. A complete and total meltdown in public. Not even two weeks after the first occurrence. Short of stuffing cotton in my nose; I don't know how to stop panicking at...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Injured

2012-01-11T02:10:00.002-06:00

A little cut. A little blood. A little relief. A screaming proof of the injured. Burn the pads of fingertips with a graze of heat. They lose the painful sensation...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Family

2012-01-10T10:08:00.000-06:00

After Christmas we went to visit family. My fathers two sisters and their families. I agonized over going or not going. I've lost so much of my family so I get a little weird...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Completed

2012-01-09T16:30:00.001-06:00

My mothers sister killed herself in November. I spent part of my Thanksgiving week traveling to view and claim her body. Of all the horror I have witnessed; this was one of my more...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Intersect

2012-01-09T11:05:00.000-06:00

I see him coming and there is no place for me to go. The one way out is the way that he will walk in. I can smell him twenty feet away. Through glass. Through a...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Webs

2011-10-06T09:36:00.001-05:00

Trying to appear normal while walking straight into a spiderweb of depression is tricky. The web, invisible to the average bystander, is sticky as it swirls and wraps...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Skeletons

2011-09-23T11:37:00.000-05:00

Two steps forward. One step back. Slam the door on the weeping skeleton. My last post was horrible to write. I still cringe when I attempt to read it. I have wanted to...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Forbidden

2011-09-20T00:33:00.001-05:00

There are things I shouldn't talk about. Because most love animals with whole hearts. There are things I shouldn't tell. Because dirty can be silently detected. There are things I...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Shame

2011-09-19T11:11:00.000-05:00

I take it all back. The part about not being bad. The part about not being dirty. The part about them being bad. It's all me. I wanted to believe that I'm none of the horrible...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Chaos

2011-09-16T14:27:00.000-05:00

Growing up in a never ending cycle of chaos, I came to expect it. Of course there was always the calm before the storm but the more pronounced, the more prolonged the calm; the worse the...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Why

2011-09-14T15:28:00.000-05:00

Like many who have survived abuse, I struggle with God. To compound that, I grew up in a Christian home with well respected parents. That is both good and bad. Good because I truly...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Birthday

2011-09-12T09:54:00.001-05:00

My birthday is this week. I was looking through some old posts here and noticed a pattern. For the past two years, I have never posted in the month of September. Until now. I don't...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Afraid

2011-09-10T00:37:00.001-05:00

My husband recently referred to me as a neurotic freak who is afraid of everything. He is a good man and infinitely patient but this was probably not his shining moment of spousal support or...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Circles

2011-09-08T09:12:00.001-05:00

Hula hoops. Basketballs. Baseballs. Bubbles of gum. My favorite kinds of circles. Symmetry in raw form. A perfect circle can be nothing but a symmetrical shape...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Different

2011-09-07T10:03:00.001-05:00

I am different. I always have been. A little girl is crying in the corner. Her tears are on the inside. Long, tired streaks down the dirty windows of her soul. Her soul is...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Letdown

2011-09-06T10:57:00.001-05:00

You know. It's the feeling that you get right after Christmas. All that work and then it's all over in a matter of hours and you wonder why the hell you worked so hard in the first...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Doors

2011-09-01T16:42:00.002-05:00

I am a slow learner when it comes to the basic human emotions. Cause and effect I get. He hurt me. I am sad. She hit me. I am mad. Lots of causes. Lots of...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

Choices

2011-06-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

I didn't have a lot of choices growing up. Not unless you count the way I wanted him. Painful or excruciating. I didn't have much power either. No amount of prayers, wishing,...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.

just

2011-06-18T08:00:00.003-05:00

just in your mind just how i show my love just an innocent kiss just the way he is just a childhood just can't help it just a stupid kid just a dream just a dog just a touch just one more...

You could call me shattered. I'm a wife, mother, misplaced daughter, confused religious person, and an abuse survivor. My life has been painful and hell, my life is still painful; probably more so now than ever before. I'm learning to feel and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, next to surviving. I'm a funny person but it's a dark, wicked kind of funny. I find humor in odd things, in my misfortunes, in my struggles, and in how others relate to me.