Shawna's Blog Title is Better Than Yours.

2011-12-23T02:08:00.002-05:00

I miss posting what I write. It's just gotten to the point where it's too personal. It needs a barrier to protect it, like a cover and a spine. Like publishing it in a book is more private or something.

*shakes head*

Today

2011-08-27T18:54:00.003-04:00

Today I slept until 3:30pm (or s0), ate chicken, rice, and broccoli with my mom and dad, and tried to get Sims to work. I worried about things, and I was sad about things. My sister is gone to a wedding and I am going to Dairy Queen to buy myself a "fight the sad" chocolate and banana milkshake (a very big one).

I thought about how beautiful a movie Jane Eyre was, and how the performances made you forget it was a movie at all, because it was an experience, not a show. I thought about how most people wouldn't enjoy Jane Eyre and I thought about how much they are missing in life in general. I thought about Jane Eyre's colour grading and how the art direction, tone, theme, and acting all blended seamlessly into something you can't touch. I thought about the difference between telling a story and Hollywood, and how Michael Bay will never understand it. I felt sorry for Michael Bay. I thought about Mia Wasikowska and wondered what it feels like to have that kind of talent. I thought about her in In Treatment and how she slipped into the skin of that character as easily as she slipped into Jane, even though they are so different. I thought about how beautiful she is in an unconventional, sad, and unruly way. I wondered if beauty can stem from passion in everybody, or if that's a rare gift some people like Mia have. I wondered if I could have that. I wondered if she knows she is a fine artist. I thought about the difference between perception of reality and absolute reality, and how Jane Eyre as a film contrasted the two to give a much fuller experience of the character's journey. I thought about the power of guesswork and how presenting something to an audience without immediate explanation is powerful and not done nearly enough. I thought about our culture's laziness in regards to entertainment and how placing them in an artistic experience they are unable to immediately understand, like Jane Eyre, is unnerving and unpleasant for them when it should be inspiring and challenging. I thought about how boring a lot of things are because of their mundane tonal range and formulaic execution. I thought a lot of things about Jane Eyre.

Currently I miss Tessa and hope she has internet soon. I am hungry again and am looking forward to getting that milkshake as soon as I am done this.

Later I will watch Scrubs, worry about whether I have leant some seasons out and forgot about them, but not really look for them anyway. I will continue to consider writing or creating something, but will most likely remain unenthused about doing anything at all. I will write something. I will stay up far too late. I will think about all the things I can't put into words.

Eden

2011-08-01T05:48:00.001-04:00

Let’s just go to Eden, darling
Everything is green there—charming
Are the birds and bees—disarming
Are your eyes in Eden, darling.
I just want to float there with you
Build a boat and sail on sunpools
I think you and I should run to
Eden where the summer comes true.
Plod a trail and forge some mountains
Watch the water carve us fountains
All the gold and diamonds found in
Eden can be ours for counting.
I’ll take you to Eden, darling
‘Cause I crave your green eyes—charming
Me like birds and bees, disarming
You know you’re my Eden, darling.

- July '11

Life changing.

2011-07-30T04:27:00.001-04:00

So I made it into the top 10 of this contest for $100,000 and a bunch of prizing. It’s gone to voting now, and if I get the most votes, I’ll win and be able to make videos and finish my book(s) without financial strain. I can’t even begin to explain how much this has the potential to change my life. Actually thinking about it is just… insane. If you would like to help me in this endeavour you can vote for my video on Facebook every day (no sign up required, yays!). My video is “Shawna Howson // Baron von Crazy Cone” found here:

http://www.facebook.com/MagnumHeir (you may have to click “Like” before it shows you the top 10, I am not sure.)

Thank you so much for everything you guys have given me the chance to do. I can’t begin to express what it means to me to have the support of people who have never met me in person.

Dead Things

2011-06-17T06:41:00.000-04:00

“Take me to the riverbed in the woods,” she said.
“I so want to see all the feathers and wings,
The beaks on the birds and to watch how they sing
To the leaves on the trees as they’re blooming in spring.
And the bark, and the grass, dandelions en masse
The otters, the gophers, the ducks—how they splash!
I want to be quiet and lie on that path—
Aside daisies, and lilacs, and trillium whites
The creeping of days and the halting of nights
Yes, the sweet scent of cedar and pinecones in flight
As the chipmunks twitch tails and race squirrels for meals
The streams will show diamonds why they have appeal
I want to be lying alone in that field
When the sun forms a ring and proposes to spring
When the flowers bloom brightly and mourning doves sing
I need to see firsthand what life God will bring
Out of this wintered forest and all the dead things.”

— “Dead Things” - Shawna Howson (June ‘11)

Tea Time

2011-06-08T02:28:00.001-04:00

I asked you for a cup of tea
Sincerity
Serenity
But all you’ve got’s solemnity
And that can’t warm my tongue.
“Some sugar, dear?
A milk or three?
Tell me what goes in your tea
I’ll mix it oh so perfectly
And sweet ‘cause we are young.”
I didn’t deign to sip your tea
Your charity
Vulgarity
For truth, it is a rarity
Your lips won’t see it sung.
“I think that I will take my tea
With clarity
I dare, you see,
To live my life with dignity
To drink under the sun."

—	“Tea Time” - Shawna Howson (June ‘11)

Aphrodite

2011-06-07T03:49:00.001-04:00

And they said she had hair like the ravens
Her eyes, Panamanian seas
So green like the fields clover-laden
Vast like Mountains of Mourne over seas.
She carries her heart in her iris
The shimmering, Delphian deep
But you won't see natives there diving
For they fear what awaits in her keep.
Her darkness is gravity, drawing
A siren the sailors should know
The nymphs and the mermaids are spawning
A bleak plan to entangle her glow.

"Very dark are the times, Aphrodite,
And dark will they be ever more
For the hearts of the men don't fall lightly
And your lover won't darken your door."
Come with me, 'fore the dark sets to claim you
And your beauty is lost in the deep
Where the mermaids are waiting to maim you
Where the nymphs have a noose for your sleep.
Come with me in the night, Aphrodite
I'm the last of your suitable hope
Take my hand and I'll ever so slightly
Relieve you of all of your woe."

"Very dark are my days now, my suitor
But darker I'd see them with you
My lover has fled me in anger
And my beauty has taken its due.
The trees and the stalks try to steal me
The lake swirls to swallow me whole
But such fates I will beg to come claim me
Should I ever be found yours to hold.
My lover is gone but a moment,
Or forever, my heart counteth not
I'll defend it until earth is over
Even after I die, as I rot."

And they say she had hair like the ravens
Her eyes, Panamanian seas
Aphrodite, the fairest of maidens
Her enemies water and trees.
The water sought so to drown her
The waves craving beauty so sweet
The creatures would hiss but renown her
As she climbed the world's rockiest peaks.
It was there that she battled the forest
The nymphs and her suitors and all
With her sword and her soul's haunting chorus
For the lover she couldn't enthrall.

- Shawna Howson (June '11)

Cathedrals

2011-05-22T22:09:00.001-04:00

I feel the peace of Your house in my bloodstream.
Your people spread sweet-scented words with bright eyes
And dazzling spirits.
Hope dances there like flames in the wind, and their feet follow after
Called in joy, they run to You.
Their kindness rattles the ground they tread—
The boulders cry out for their certitude, and the wind for their swiftness.
The streams spring deep at their heels, desperate to fill the mouths of the virtuous;
For surely nature aligns itself with Your servants.
And should I ever leave this place
Grant me the grace to run as them, eyes to the sky
For your people bless this earth and all that is in it,
Merciful Lord.

— “Cathedrals” - Shawna Howson (May ‘11)

Grey

2011-05-06T17:54:00.001-04:00

You pull beauty towards you--like new moths to a flame
And as I'm drawn before you, I believe I am the same
I'm lovely, melancholic art, a picture in your frame
I've never been so beautiful as when you say my name.

You see the world in fractured light, the colours you downplay
The darkened blacks, the lightened whites, the words you never say
I'll make your lips move through the night, but you will never pray
Let's go somewhere with colour--love, you must escape the grey.

You still command the sunrise--because you paint the stars
The world, it strings your canvas and your heartbreaks are your scars
Wake up--paint the truth for once, it isn't very far
You say that you're not worth the fight, but I know who you are.

You're everything I'll ever breathe, the oceans and the sea
Can't run their waters low enough to find a love this deep
And I'll wade through the darkest depths if it will make you see
You're beautiful, you're worth this, love, you're all there is for me.

Leeland

2011-05-05T19:13:00.000-04:00

When suns go down, the madness comes
A graveyard in the mist
The headstones—stony company
Embrace their nightly trysts.

“Walk quickly, Kate, the night is young
A deadly dalliance—
Is for ghostly complexions
And your palest radiance.
You know you can’t resist it, Kate
The night, it fills your soul
It’s drawing you into the gate
Where dead things weep and crawl.
I’m waiting here, beyond the bars
The moonlight spills from tombs
It’s drawing you into the dark
Where you can be exhumed.
So join me in these mists of death
Just beyond the gate
I’ll turn your eyes unto the skies
You I will awake.”

“Forgive me, love, for I was weak
But time has made me strong
Now I can say this ivory cheek
The stones will never own.
You know I can’t embrace the dark
Though, how you pull my soul…
I know I can’t resist your touch
So I shan’t come to call.
These tombs are bitter, wretched things
Your home becomes you, dear
I think you’ll find I loved you once
But I can’t love you here.
So if you crave this porcelain hide
And all our hearts have spun—
If you love me more than night
I’ll meet you in the sun.”

When suns go down, the madness comes
Who will trace the gate?
Pray for light in depths of love
For Leeland and his Kate.

—

I don’t think this is finished yet, but what are blogs for right? x

Burning

2011-05-05T14:49:00.001-04:00

Of all the fire in the skies—the supernova blast
The searing tails of comets, and the sun’s ferocious mass
The blue, the red, the flaming stars—shadowed on the moon
The galaxies ablaze can’t measure how I burn for you.

Hospital Songs

2011-05-03T18:30:00.001-04:00

Our bodies nest in cotton, the thread moulds to our skin
These dirty gowns are all we have — we won’t be clean again.
With all old rest forgotten, sleep is our new sin
In it we hide from demon’s eyes that make us wake again.

The nurses mill around us, we’re corpses now — it’s true
There was a time when we would smile and I could dance with you.
Now we are sedated, my veins — they crawl and split
I’ll never leave these pills behind; and you, my love, won’t quit.

The songs we sing are violent, the tunes are sad and sharp
They force our hearts to pump and seize, one rhythm in the dark.
The basement dust is calling, it says we can be free
But I know cotton, tunes, and pills are all there is for me.

If we could see the sun rise from fluorescent flicker bulbs
We’d never sleep in beds again, we’d never sleep at all.
If we could run from madness, we’d tear across the sea
But breathing’s the best I can do — my love, please lie with me.

Hanna Review (no spoilers)

2011-04-20T00:30:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this post because whenever I see a new movie I always tweet about it. Rarely do I say what I think of said movie in the tweet, because, as someone who goes to the cinema to emotionally bathe in the world of someone else, 140 characters just doesn't do justice to the positive or negative blast that is the 1.5 to 2 hours. Anyways, the aforementioned tweet always gets at least ten replies of "WHAT DID YOU THINK!?" and because I don't want to compromise what I really think just to fit the tiny tweet box, and because I don't feel like ignoring those replies anymore, I'm finally going to write a… review? Here we go.

Hanna.

Give me a film with engaging characters that prevail over cheap plot twists and hollow Hollywood explosions, punchy indie-film, "make their eyes their own characters" cinematography, and an Icelandic-feeling score against a European backdrop, and I'm bound to be pleased. 'Hanna' manages to make a sixteen year-old killing machine feel vulnerable and genuine in a way that is distinctly un-Hollywood if you catch my Michael Bay.

To start off, the acting is phenomenal, especially in the case of the lead Saorise Ronan, who expertly balances the bewilderment and power of the disillusioned but pure Hanna. After seeing her in an interview about the film, I can honestly say her performance is truly what "embodying a character" means. Not being an Eric Bana fan myself (except for Troy -- well done in that one, Eric) I actually enjoyed his performance in this and only found myself questioning his accent once. As for Cate Blanchett, it's clear that she's Hollywood royalty for a reason, packing an emotional, sadistic punch in her slightly off-kilter character, CIA something-or-other: Marissa. Not to mention, she's never looked better than she does with that fire red bob. I vote yes on keeping that hairdo forever. Plus, her accent was flawless and I love her.

I wouldn't say Hanna puts its considerable weight behind the plot aspect of film-making, but this isn't a negative thing. 'Hanna' is, and was crafted to be, an experience. Much like a Sofia Coppola film (but less dawdlingly so), it draws you into the eyes of the characters (quite literally, one scene featured at least 5 close-ups of eyes) and shoves you down into their gut, forcing you to emotionally process what you're watching. As young Hanna does not feel with particular voracity, the experience of living this movie through her eyes is one of constant intrigue. As she learns of the new world around her, so do you, and it is suddenly nothing but stark reality.

Now, as someone who finds this type of film-making both refreshing and inspiring, I enjoyed myself from the very start. I can tell you without reading any reviews that many people will not feel the same. I'm sure words like "slow" "winding" and "let-down" can be found in many of them, and that's fine. We'll turn our noses up at those people, scoff, and mouth "you just don't get it" before throwing on our Toms and biking to that coffee shop they haven't even heard of to discuss with our hipster friends how much more we're inspired to create things that people can get lost in.

^_^

2011-04-07T21:53:00.000-04:00

Blue roses, mint grass stalks, yellow canopies
In springtime your pink lips—awaken me
From snowflakes and streetlights to lilacs and sun
In fond merriment, through sprinklers we run.

The droplets, the diamonds, the glass on the lake
Is broken by breezes, the ripples they make
Bright songs the trees sing when we laugh as we splash
From mighty rope swings till our bodies are rafts.

My springtime, my summer, my lover, my friend
The sun is near setting, the sky’s set to bend
To starlight, to wishes, to moonbeams, to blue
Hold my eyes and I’ll fly to dreamland with you.

— “A Midsummer Day’s Dream” - Shawna Howson (4/4/11)

Muzak

2011-03-30T19:44:00.006-04:00

I usually do lists of what I'm listening to, but now I have a Ping account to do it for me. YAAAY.

I was against Ping for a long time until I realized it actually makes sense for me. In case you're not familiar with it, Ping is a social network for the music you listen to on iTunes. You can follow people and keep track of what your friends are buying and what type of sound they're into. I use iTunes for everything, so Ping is the perfect platform for me to share what songs I'm obsessed with. Anyways, here it is if you want some music suggestions. :D

(you must copy and paste it in your browser :/)
http://c.itunes.apple.com/ca/profile/id1028545732

EXCITE.

Boys

2011-03-21T03:56:00.000-04:00

There once were two boys — Zach and Adam
Adam didn’t know Zach was mad at him.
They met by the lake, a most deadly mistake
Zach didn’t know Adam would stab him.

There once were two boys, Jake and Steven
Steven lied and Jake thought he’d get even.
What a mistake, Jake was drowned in the lake
And the reason was Adam is Steven.

—	A few little ditties I wrote for the Nefarious Fauxboys at Adam’s request (minus the homicide).

Mia Bella Vista

2011-03-15T05:00:00.005-04:00

Il mio, la vista,
My lover, my lover!
Il mio amante,
My beautiful view.

Mia bella vista
He outshines the ocean
Il mare, il mare
His eyes steal the waves.

Mi ha lasciato
My lover, my lover.
Al ritorno! Ritorno!
Please come back to me.

Il mare, il mare
The waves are not glistening
Ti amo, ti amo
I'll wait by the sea.

March 15/11 4:55am

Serenity

2011-03-10T18:35:00.002-05:00

The forest hides her blues and greens

In bark and in the fallen leaves

Where yellows run, the browns take hold

Together they soft whisper gold.

I pray for peace, like dulcet creeks

Soothe and smooth their rocky peaks;

They trickle down in grooves they've found

To feed the spruce, and birch, and elm.

And now at last the wind has come

To bring the scent of secrets home.

If in this forest I could rest,

Forever--I would count me blessed.

The Brush

2011-03-10T03:09:00.002-05:00

Let me document this heart

From the brush, from the brush

Whilst hiding in the leaves, at last my brown eyes see

That everything is starving

Far from lush, far from lush

But you turn brown eyes green, how your eyes fixate me

My love, let's hide together

In the brush, in the brush.

March 8/11 8:30am

London, forever ago.

2011-03-04T19:25:00.000-05:00

Revolutions

2011-02-25T17:25:00.000-05:00

“When I think about the world and all the blood that it has lost
All the mothers and the fathers who have had to count the cost
Of their very children dying, “Freedom’s what our children bought”
I just sit here in my big warm house, “What could I ever want?”

—	“Revolutions” - Shawna Howson (Feb 25/11 5:15pm)

Then

2011-02-25T00:02:00.003-05:00

“I miss the chickadees a’singing—
When I used to smell the lilacs — from the top of airborne swings.
We would run around, our noses down,
Through grassfields and the springs we found,
We dined on chipped glass platters — covered thick in bark and ash.
And we never asked our mother, if we’d ever find another
Just one other special lover, who would make us feel like that.
Because we had the sun a’setting, and the fields were fit for running
And our hearts were in the country — with the swings and the lilacs.”

—	“Then” - Feb 24/11 11:55pm

Chemical Confusion

2011-02-24T04:01:00.003-05:00

Dear madame,

We regret to inform you that your facial cream

Is not compatible with tears.

Your eyes swell up like lima beans

We see it every year.

You cleanse your skin, you paint your face

But all of this -- a bitter waste

The salty tracks have claimed their place

He's moved along without you.

Feb 24/11

One of THOSE People

2011-02-01T19:59:00.001-05:00

If you’ve ever read the Hunger Games, you probably remember feeling a little sick every time you came across any passage about the selfish, spoiled, extravagant Capitol people. You marveled at their stupidity and even felt sorry for how hair-brained they actually were. Sometimes they’d do such outrageous, ridiculous things that you’d actually snickerscoff and say to yourself, “They’re so stupid. If I ever acted like them, I hope Katniss would put me out of my misery and shoot me in the head.”

It was simply sickening that the Capitol residents didn’t realize that most people across Panem were starving to death in semi-slavery, while they were having parties and puking in special stalls just so they could stuff themselves over and over again without gaining weight. They were plucking and painting themselves purple and gold and wearing ridiculous things while children were covered in soot and dirt in other districts, just trying not to starve. On top of this, they watched peoples’ shame and fear televised across the nation for *entertainment*. “It’s disgusting. It’s wrong,” you’d say to yourself as you read about these vile, vapid, evil people. In fact, all you could think about as you turned the page was how much you hated them for their ignorance — their negligence.

Well, guess what? We’re the Capitol.

MTV/Reality TV- We delight ourselves with peoples’ stupidity, humiliation, and vapid behaviour. Nothing is more exciting than watching them self-destruct and seeing their dignity die.

Thinspiration blogs, magazines, fashion shows, some tv dramas - Skinny, ridiculous women that somehow encourage eating disorders by wearing the stupidest outfits you can imagine — worthless get-ups that have no place in any conceivable situation.

“Lady Gaga” /pop-stars - Your typical Capitol residents. Plucked, painted, “FREE!”. When it comes down to it, wearing a meat dress is exactly that. It’s a meat dress. It doesn’t protect your skin, doesn’t keep you warm, doesn’t look good, doesn’t make a clear statement, and it doesn’t feed you — it has no purpose. Explain that to a starving child.

When I finished the Hunger Games I was struck by the realization that we are the Capitol, and we’re too brainwashed to realize that there’s more important things than being skinny, fashionable, different, drunk with self-confidence, and entertained. How ridiculous do we look to the majority of the world that could never dream as being as wealthy as we are? I bet you they’re saying they’d rather starve — die — than be like us. And who can blame them?

I feel it’s important to say that this has nothing to do with artistic expression. I’m an artist myself. I like to wear edgy things and create visual art, fiction, and poetry that may not technically “help” anyone. But I think it’s important that we all have our guard up against worthless extravagance, and that we try to remember that our wealth and talents are gifts that we should use to say relevant things. There’s Cosmopoitan Magazine, and there’s Rembrandt. There’s Sofia Coppola, and there’s Jersey Shore. It’s up to us to fight for our dignity — and to determine the difference. Never has it been more important to guard your mind, your soul, against the blatantly insulting things that surround us. We have to learn to draw the line somewhere, folks, before we lose ourselves entirely.

These are on their way to me RIGHT now

2011-01-26T15:34:00.000-05:00