I always used to have the faith that a good relationship is like good wine (clichéd, I know). You enjoy it more with time. It ripens more with age. With age comes the maturity, the easiness, the feeling that just by sitting beside the one you love gives you a world of warmth and comfort, even if they do not speak a single word. One of my ideal scenarios is when she and I sit on a beach, watching the sun setting, little kids making castles with the sand, young couples splashing water at each other, the older ones walking with their hands held, cutting down the horizon at multiple sections, little fishing ships returning back home after their day’s catch, and all this while I could feel every single emotion my love has been going through, by not even looking at her. Yes, probably that’d be the most perfect date for me, the perfect evening, with the perfect partner.

Relationships are probably the most complicated human phenomenon known to me. Because, to understand your relationship, you do not just need to understand your partner, but rather her needs, her whims, her close ones, her family, friends, you need to understand what makes her tick, you need to memorize what ticks her off, you need to constantly improvise on making her orgasm, not just physically but emotionally too. You need to understand her career, and you need to understand her circumstances. Unless you make a damn good job at figuring all of this out, you relationship is bound to get fucked for good, if not today, definitely tomorrow. And you know what would frustrate you the most? Even if you do all of the above and more, there is no guarantee that your relationship won’t get fucked over and over again.

I remember I always used to advise people that if you love someone with all your heart and soul, be brave and let that person drift away from you. If she loves you, she will always come back to you. If she doesn’t, probably she was never up for the keeps. Today, I learnt something much more than that. I learnt that while she would always come back to me if she loved me, what if this period of separation changed me complete as a person? What if this separation changed the very man she had once loved? What if this separation completely kills my ability to love? What if this separation gets me desperate and I end up taking my own life? Then what good would it do me even if she wanted to come back to me in the later years? Won’t that kill me all the more when, after years of waiting for her, I realize that she wants to be with me but I could not let her do so, because that might mean breaking yet another heart in the process. Today I learnt that if you love someone, you should guard that person with the last of the strength that might be left in your body. If you love someone, your ego is the last thing that should come between you. You should always remember that it ain’t war, and neither is it a deal you are signing into. If it concerns the one you love, there can not be any conditions. There can not be any compromises. Yes, you might leave your job to be with your sweetheart. But that’s called making a choice. If it ever crosses your mind that you made compromises in your life, for your love, then they were no compromises at all! You might have taken pains a million of times for the one you love. But, if one fine day, you start counting them off your fingers, they do not sound “sacrifices” anymore. They sound more like you taking care of your side of a “deal”, which is your relationship.

Today I learnt that not all decisions, about your love, can be taken with an analytical approach. As a matter of fact, a relationship is more of a thing of your gut, than your brain. If your gut feelings asks you to do something, it’s better you go ahead and do it, than wasting time in analyzing the situation. When it is your relationship at stake, it is your spinal cord that shall give you better judgment power, than that grey matter of yours.

Today I learnt, you might have a million of friends who would give their life for you, who would bail you out of every single problem, but they can never be the Devil’s Advocate when it’s your relationship is at stake. You know why? Because they have never seen how you look at her eyes when you are orgasming into her womb. Because they have not felt your heart beat when you were asleep in your lover’s arms. They have never experienced the excitement and anticipation you felt when you used to meet your lover after ages of separation. They were not around you when you would stay awake, all night, whispering sweet nothings into your partner’s ears. They were not around when you had spent hours in the solitude of your bed, trying to figure out how to make your lover feel special on your next love anniversary. It was not them who felt like conquering the world just because your lover had that twinkle in her eyes every time she met you. They were not there every time your love hugged you and made you feel the most special person in his life, made you believe that you are in the most secure pair of arms, which will never let you go, doesn’t matter how deep a shit you are in.

Friends are there to be your support, to be a helping hand, to be the shoulder to cry on. Friends are there to give you company, they are there to make you feel safe. They are also there to support you. They can give you a perspective, but aren’t supposed to drive a hole into your head for you to absorb it within your system. Friends are great to have, only if they understand that you are first an individual, and then a friend.
Today I learnt if you love someone, it is important to own up to it, too. Today I learnt that if you have a cause, you need to have the balls to fight for it too. Today I learnt, if you plan to go against the tide of the society, you should have the courage to stand up for it too.

Today I learnt that I am one of the lousiest guys to be in a relationship with. Today I learnt that I might be the least romantic of the guys to go out on a date with. But today I also learnt that if I love someone, I can turn hell loose, and fuck all my principles, just to get her back, just to be with her, for her happiness, for her love.

You both say that you are busy, busy. Of course, it does not help that you both are living in two different cities and that one has work deadlines and the other college deadlines.

There is no real excitement… especially since talking on the phone has also become a redundant activity. And, ‘Oh, baby I just called to say I Miss you/ I love you’ is not exciting anymore. I know I sound like a crazy hag, but then, that is what it is. I mean, I am one person who totally believes in story book romance, and I for once have not yet taken a real onus to get the just right thing for my sweetheart. On the contrary, I am not looking forward to the V day for the first time since I started understanding the concept of Valentine’s Day.

I think I am getting old… or maybe we really do need some spice in our lives…

But, it is not that I am not happy about completing five years of being in a committed relationship. It is such a pleasure to know that there is someone who loves you, for the person you are. This time- instead of looking at the past year, I am looking forward to our future.

I just hope- That all turns out to be fine.

Yes, enough of jargon. The bottomline is, the conference went on well. It was great to meet up a few of my old mates, namely Madcap and Dhiraj. We even made a short trip to a pub called Ego Obsession, in New Friends Colony, and ended up getting tipsy over 2 frigging bottles of wine. Moreover, I shall strongly suggest their Chicken Pepper Steak, it was heavenly!

Sakshi, it is always a pleasure to be in her company. While I couldn’t meet her for long on the first day I was there, thanks to the 4 hour delay by my flight, I finally postponed my return by a couple of hours so that I could spend some quality time with her. It was too frustrating for me to be in Delhi after 2 months and yet not being able to be with Sakshi for long. Anyway, these are the ways of life, I guess.

By the way, I had also ended up being a part of a little accident when a cab just drove very close to me and gave me a little scratch on my left leg. Anyway that isn’t the center of my concern. What pissed me off is the fact that I let my Blackberry go off my hand, due to the shock, and the topsy-turvy that it went through, on the tarmac, was really ugly. Lost the navigation pad of the phone, in the process. Now all I can do is make and receive calls, on my brickberry. Need to get it repaired, asap, or my life’s gonna come to a halt, real soon.

Just got to know, a few days back, that it was Saraswati Puja a week back, and I had absolutely no clue about it. Now, for the first time in my life, I have missed Saraswati Puja and am feeling miserable. Now, I ain’t really the worshipping kind. More of an agnostic. But I love the tradition, I love the efforts that go into organizing the Puja, love the feeling it emanates, into the heart of every who has seen the way Saraswati Puja is done in West Bengal.Yes, I guess in that way, I am a true Bengali at heart.

Yes, I hadn’t watched the classic until now. What do I say? I am just glad that I got the rest 2 sequels too, safely copied onto my hard drive. Hopefully I’ll get to catch up the with both thof them by the time I land back in Bangalore, which would be the day after.

Don’t worry, I ain’t one of those those bastards who get to go online while on a flight too. I am just typing down this impromptu blog post on gedit (notepad on Linux) which I plan to publish after I end up at my dear friend, Madcap Loon’s place.

So, what is this blog post is all about, you might ask. Good question, as one of my good-for-nothing colleagues woud say when he wouldn’t find a satisactory answer to anything. Frankly, I am kinda pissed by the amount of time it’s taking me to reach Delhi, even in a flight. I mean, this plane left Bangalore airport at quarter to eight in the morning, and it’s almost eleven now, while all I can see out side the windows are clouds. For Christ’s sake, how many more hours shall I have to stay put in these uncomfortable seats?

Suddenly, I remember Shashi Tharoor’s tweet when he had complained for being forced to fly cattle class. Okay, I mean no disrespect towards my fellow men. But seriously, the size of the seats in an economy aeroplanee seat is hardly any inch bigger and any degree more comfortable than a frigging Volvo bus. And to think of it, I get charged a bomb. Yes, I accept your point that I get to reach my destination a lot faster, and without having to run over potholes. But did anyone ever tell you that I am putting my goddamned life at stake, here? And did you know that when you book your flight tickets, the fine print says that you are aware of the fact that the airline company holds no responsibility of your life. Yes, your frigging pathetic puny life!
Happy realization, buddy!

Sakshi, my girlfriend, asked me today morning, on text, whether I was excited. Excited to get to meet her after 2 months straight. Hell yeah, I am. But I am also a bit terrified of the fact that I shall be landing in Delhi on the Republi Day itself. I hear, the borders are gonna get sealed off, and the heart of the capital, the Connaught Place, shall be under a lockdown. You know why I am scared? Over four years ago, I had come to Delhi to meet her, without letting my parents know. The date was October 29, 2005. Now look up the Internet, and tell me what happened in Delhi on that particular day. And on that particular day, the receptionist of the hotel I was staying in, called me up at frigging three in the morning to inform that the polica had come, for inquiry.

I do not know whether you can feel my plight, the emotions I had gone through, at that point. But I must confess one thing. I still dread to be any where around the nation’s capital, when there chaances of unrest. During my 11 months’ worth of stint in Delhi, I had never left my house on the Republic Day, the Independence Day and even on the days when people were out to vote. Simply put, after that fateful night, and another when I was arrested in Kolkata, Howrah station, on suspicions of being a terrorist, I steer clear off the authorities. Nah, I don’t hate them. But I don’t trust them either.

Dayam! Kahani kahan se shuru hui thi, aur kahan jaa kar pahunchi. Anyway, my laptop’s battery’s low and it’s time I shut it off. Sayonara, until next time.

P.S. – Writing this part after landing in Delhi and getting my netbook charged up bit. The flight not only got late, but couldn’t land in Delhi due to heavy fog and had to be diverted all the way to Lucknow. There, we were asked to wait on the runway itself while the plane got itself refueled and freshened up. We had to wait on the tarmac itself for almost 45 minutes before the flight took off again. Never before in my life had I been in a plane for over 7 hours! Anyway, finally in Delhi, safe and sound, before I fly off again, the day after.

It’s been a while since she got bit by the “marriage” bug. No, I am not complaining. As a matter of fact, it was actually me who had first started speaking about it. It was me who started weaving the “future“. It was me who started making “plans” and even executing them. But then, hey, aren’t guys supposed to be the ones to shy away from the M word? Then, what was I thinking?

The fact is, I got tired. I got tired of seeing her go away, every single evening. I got tired of trying to pay attention to her whispers, every single night. I got tired of not being able to drift off to sleep, in her arms, without keeping an ear on the ticking noise. I got tired of staying miles apart, checking out for cheap flight tickets and wondering if I could just plant a kiss on her lips, next weekend. Yes, I even got tired of waiting for weekends, to be able to make plans of meeting up. Yes, I got tired!

I wonder, how do people do it? How do they stay in a relationship and yet not stay together? I wonder, how can you sleep all alone, every single night, when you know there’s someone out there thinking about you, wishing you by the side, wanting to ravage you the next time you get to meet? I wonder how couples can get so lovey-dovey and cosy in the restaurants, parks and even in office, but yet go back to different homes, different lives, at the end of the day.

And yet, when she started with the “marriage talks“, I started getting cold in my feet! No, I am not afraid of “commitment“. And I am sure she can vouch for that. But, I just do not know how to figure when it’s the “right time” to get wedded. I mean, shouldn’t you be worrying about your future? Shouldn’t you be a bit practical and take a peek at your savings account, before you decide to take the plunge? Shouldn’t you have a clear future plan, at least for the next 10 years, before you decide to take the vow? Shouldn’t you first let both set of the parents get comfortable with each other, before you decide to encircle the fire 7 times? Shouldn’t you be asking yourself, “Buddy, are you ready for it?”

No, I do not wanna chicken out. Rather, I wanna get into it as bad as it can get. But the problem is, I just do not know if it’s time. I do not know whether we are following the right “protocols“. I do not know whether I would still want a marriage if we were allowed to live together, under the same roof, and if society accepted us as any other married couple. I do not know if I’d ever wanna elope with her, in case either of our parents do not give in to our relationship. Neither do I know if I shall be able to keep her happy, after we get married.

All I know is, I love her. Yes, I do love her, goddammit!!

Yes, you are right. My life is fucked!

But then again, I have her, to make my life beautiful again!

Just watched 3 Idiots, today morning. Watched it online. No, I am not a supporter for pirated movies. But after all the hullabaloo that have been created by Mr Chetan Bhagat, VVC and Aamir Khan, couldn’t wait till the opportunity of getting a ticket to the multiplex.

Anyway, watching the movie, I had been strongly remembering Dil Chahta Hai, one of my all-time fav movie. And I had also been wondering, do all good set of friends are in a set of three? I mean, I have been in quite a few schools, and cities, in my life. And in all those places, even I had always had a close knit group of 3. Not a single more, Not a single less.

Yeah, just wondering.

As for the movie, I am surely gonna influence my own parents to go, watch the movie. Of course, they hardly have any more career choices to make, for me, but maybe it’ll help them dissuade their friends to stop imposing career decisions on their respective kids.

How about you? Did you watch the movie? What’s your reaction, on the movie’s tagline “Strive for excellence – success will follow“, on the controversy served up by the team and the author, and on my question of whether good friends are always in a set of three?

The company that I have recently switched to, seems to be pretty cool. I mean, this is one of the few companies I have found that do not have any Internet access policy, as such. All I had been told, the very first day, was “Do not download so much to choke the bandwidth for the rest of the employees.” I mean, how cool is that? How many companies you have found where they do not care a fig about what pages/sites you access?

However, the reason why I am so excited is the fact that the employees do not have any fixed working hours. I mean, while they do maintain an official timing of 9pm to 6pm, the employees have been given the freedom to choose the timings when they wish to be in office, and also for how long they wanna be here. I mean, there have been quite a few days when I landed up in office at 11am and left at 5pm. Of course, there have also been times when I had to stay back till 11pm :-p But, that’s beside the point.

Like, just today morning, I simply decided to come to work post lunch, because I didn’t feel like leaving for office in the morning. Of course, I did have to work from home. But then, that is ALL the boss cares for. He doesn’t care how much of porn I download, how many hours I clock or even whether I even get my sorry ass to office. All he cares for is whether I get my job done, and within deadlines. That’s all!

Speaking of deadlines, I also wanted to mention another work ethic here. Whatever work you’re supposed to do, you are expected to specify your ETA (Expected Time of Arrival). In case they find it too long, they suggest a deadline and decide on a mutually accepted time line. So, all you need to do is follow the schedules and life is the easiest (or, merriest) for you.

Well, I know what you are thinking. No, I have no clue how they would react if I do not manage to meet my deadline. Simply because, I haven’t managed to screw up a single deadline of mine, at least not yet.

This makes me wonder, if a firm manages to accommodate so much, just for the sake of it’s employees, would someone ever wish to leave it, for another. Of course, I still haven’t experienced the appraisal scenario here. But, in case, that’s rosy too… then?

Anyway, I wouldn’t say life in Bangalore is ideal, but it is surely fun. Gradually, I am getting indecisive on whether I should really leave Bangalore as soon as I have originally planned. Well, only time can tell. As for now, I have my eyes set for the official New Year party, tomorrow evening. Yes, I might get sloshed. Who knows?