She's Found Strength

What Peace Looks Like When You Stop Expecting Help

2026-06-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

Baby, let me tell you something I had to learn the hard way. I learned that peace will come a whole lot faster when you stop expecting shit from people, who keep showing you they are not about to help you.

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I do not mean that in some cute, inspirational quote type of way. I mean in real-life, tired-as-hell, bills-still-due, kids-still-need-you, and your nerves-are-shot kind of way. Look, at some point, you get sick of hoping. Sick of asking. Sick of leaving the door cracked wide enough for people who have already made it clear they are not walking through it.

That kind of disappointment will wear your ass out. Not because you are doing a lot. I would you’re your ass out because part of you is still holding out hope. Hope; that maybe this time they will show up. Maybe this time their ass will follow through. Maybe this time you will not have to carry every damn thing by yourself. Oh then, nothing. Again.

I had to be real with myself and ask; what is wearing me down more? Was it the actual responsibility or was the emotional bullshit of expecting help that never comes? If we are honest, sometimes the false hope is heavier than the work itself. At least the work is real. At least the responsibility is honest. However, hoping somebody will magically become dependable when they have been inconsistent as hell? That will drain you in every way dry.

That made me stop romanticizing what was not there. I stopped dressing up crumbs that fell to the floor and calling it support. I stopped reaching for consistency from people who only know how to pop in when it is convenient for them. Baby, that is where my peace started creeping back in.

Now let me say this, people love to confuse clarity with bitterness. Me no longer expecting help is not me being bitter. It is me being awake. It is me respecting the facts. It is me protecting my peace instead of handing it over every damn time somebody decides to be disappointing on purpose.

These days, my peace looks like making plans based on what the hell is happening. Not on promises. Not on potential. Oh, and not on wishful thinking. It is about handling what needs to be handled without pausing my life to see if somebody is finally going to do the right thing.

I am not begging for consistency. I am not chasing support. I am not wearing myself out trying to squeeze giving a damn out of people who have already shown me they do not have it to give. That chapter can go to hell along with a snowball of a flavor of their choice!

Does that mean it does not still hurt sometimes? Of course it does. Does it mean I do not still feel the weight of doing so much on my own? Hell no. But I would rather deal with the truth than keep getting double smacked in the face by the same disappointment over and over again. There is freedom in no longer being shocked by what somebody has been showing you all along.

So yeah, peace for me right now does not look soft and pretty. It looks like acceptance. It looks like boundaries. It looks like moving the hell on. It looks like no longer letting somebody else's lack become my emotional emergency. Oh, and honestly? That kind of peace is expensive. However, so is denial, and I am not paying for that shit anymore.

10 Bible Verses for When Life Feels Overwhelming

2026-06-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life can feel as if it is throwing punches at you. The bills keep coming. You can hardly get outside to enjoy yourself. The responsibilities keep stacking up. Oh, then something unexpected happens on top of it all.

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It can leave you feeling drained, overwhelmed, and then make you feel suffocated. Whether you are trying to keep your head up through single motherhood, work stress, grief, uncertainty, or even one of those hard seasons, I want to remind you that you do not have to carry it all by yourself.

I understand how being hyper independent can be, but God’s Word has a way of meeting us right in the middle of the heaviness. His word can give us comfort, strength, and hope we need to push through.

1. Matthew 11:28 (KJV)
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

2. Psalm 55:22 (KJV)
"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."

3. Isaiah 41:10 (KJV)
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee..."

4. Philippians 4:6-7 (KJV)
"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."

5. Psalm 46:1 (KJV)
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

6. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)
"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

7. Joshua 1:9 (KJV)
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage..."

8. Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV)
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

9. 1 Peter 5:7 (KJV)
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

10. John 16:33 (KJV)
"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

Life can get heavy. Trying to hold everything together on your own without asking anyone for help can get exhausting. Now while God never said life would always be easy, He did promise to be with you through every hard moment. I have been finding moments during the past few weeks where I must remember this for myself even when I am frustrated.

If this season has been stretching you every which way, keep coming back to these verses. Let them comfort your heart. Read them in the morning. If you feel compelled to whisper them to yourself during a hard day. Or come back to these verses at night when your mind is steady overthinking.

Sometimes all it takes is one verse to remind you that God is still with you. He is still faithful. He is still carrying you. Whatever you are facing right now, please remember that you are not doing this alone.

What June Looks Like When You’re Tired, Healing, and Doing It Alone

2026-06-03T18:00:00.000-05:00

June is not arriving softly for me at all. It is meeting me in the middle of where responsibility, exhaustion, healing, and hard truth lies. I am stepping into this month as a mother. One who rarely gets a physical break. As a black woman carrying the full weight of providing. Oh, yeah and as someone learning how to keep going without pretending any of that is a walk in the park.

Therefore, as I step into June, I am being honest about what this season is asking of me. What I need to carry with intention. Also, what I need to finally leave behind.

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I am carrying more than lessons into June. I am carrying real weight. As a mother, I know what it feels like to have no physical break from my two children unless I pay out of pocket for a weekend sitter. That reality is heavy. Some days it reminds me how much I hold on my own emotionally.

I also carry the physical loneliness that comes with being the one who provides. Even when a room is full, there are moments when it still feels like it is all on me. However, through every season, God has continued to make a way. He has sustained me before. I am trusting Him to sustain me again.

I am carrying a renewed commitment to my health. My blood work from late May came back to be better than it did this time last year. Chile, that mattered to me more than I can explain.

It reminded me that even with everything on my plate, I am still making progress. So yes, I will still be working this summer to provide for my children. However, I am doing it with a better mindset, a stronger body, and a clearer sense of purpose.

I am also carrying discipline. This season is not about chasing a love life or entertaining dating. Right now, my focus is on stacking money. I am getting things ready for the upcoming school year. I am making sure my children have what they need. That kind of clarity is a gift. I am grateful for it too.

At the same time, there are some things I am intentionally leaving behind this month.

I am leaving behind the habit of reaching out and expecting help from my children's father. I know now that there is no real support waiting for me there. Accepting that truth has brought its own kind of peace. I would rather move forward in reality than keep exhausting myself with false hope.

I am leaving behind distractions that do not serve this season. I do not need to prove that I am desirable. Available. I also do not need to prove that I am open to dating just because it is summer. My life has enough on its plate. Sh*t, somebody would look at my plate and see it overflowing with the gravy of struggle dripping from the brim. I am honoring the season I am in by staying focused on what matters.

I am also leaving behind the idea that survival is the only thing I deserve. This month, I want to make room to pour into my hobbies, express myself, and continue building my wardrobe in a way that makes me feel like me. Even in responsibility, I still deserve beauty, happiness, and to dwell in the things that remind me I am a person too.

Most importantly, I am leaving behind the pressure to pretend this is not hard. It is challenging as f*&k! It is lonely at times. It is stretching me in ways I never expected. However, it is also shaping me into a stronger, wiser, and more intentional black woman. A black woman who knows how to keep showing up even when no one else does.

As June begins, I am moving forward with goodness, faith, and intention. I may be carrying a lot. But it is expected on this journey. This month, I am choosing peace, discipline, better health, and preparation over chaos. I believe the work I am doing now will make life better for me and for my children.

Alright, so let’s toast to a month of strength, steady provision, healing, and gracefulness. Here is to do what needs to be done and still make room for the parts of myself that need care too.

Welcome, June. I am ready for you. Show me what you workin’ with.

7 KJV Bible Verses for Single Mothers Who Feel Alone

2026-05-31T08:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes single motherhood can feel overstimulating and heavy. You are trying to work, pay bills, raise your kids, make all the decisions! You carry so much emotionally. Honestly, it can feel as if you are doing it all by yourself.

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Even when people care about you, there are still days when the quiet feels overwhelming. Even the loneliness hits hard. In moments like that, God’s Word can bring some comfort to you. His word can remind you that you are not alone. Here are seven KJV Bible verses that can encourage any single mom who may be feeling that way today.

1. Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV)
"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

2. Isaiah 41:10 (KJV)
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

3. Psalm 46:1 (KJV)
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

4. Joshua 1:9 (KJV)
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

5. Psalm 68:5 (KJV)
"A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation."

6. Matthew 11:28 (KJV)
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

7. Romans 8:38-39 (KJV)
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Single motherhood is what you make it, but truthfully there are days that you may not feel compelled to get out of your own head. If you have been feeling unseen, worn down, or as if you must carry everything on your own. I want to remind you that God sees all of it. He sees every sacrifice. Every late night. Every cry. Every quiet prayer you whisper when no one else knows how heavy things feel. You may not always have someone physically beside you. However, you do have a God who will never leave you. So, when loneliness starts creeping in, come back to His Word and let it remind you that you are loved so much by Him, fully seen, and never truly are alone.

What May Taught Me About Strength, Motherhood, and Carrying It All Alone

2026-05-30T18:00:00.000-05:00

May pulled a lot out of me. It made me confront the painful reality that the weight I carry is mine alone. I truly understand that consistency, love, and stability my children need begins and ends with me. As hard as that truth is to accept, it has also reminded me just how strong I have had to become.

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If I am being honest, there were moments this month when I felt overwhelmed. I am talking about being overwhelmed in a way that only a mother carrying it all can understand. There were responsibilities to manage. Bills to pay. Children to raise. Decisions to make. Oh, yeah and goals that still feel far away. I had to come to terms with the fact that co-parenting, for me, does not exist.

As much as that truth hurts, all my kids have is me to depend on. I am the one giving them consistency, stability, and the kind of love that shows up every single day even when I feel overstimulated. There were nights when I wished I had more support. However, even in that pain, I kept showing up.

May reminded me that sometimes growth is not found in major milestones. Sometimes it is found in the impulse decisions we make every day. It is choosing to keep going when you are dog sh*t tired. It is protecting your peace when drama tries to pull you back in. It is continuing to believe in yourself when no one is clapping for you. It is trusting God even when you cannot see how everything is going to work out.

This month, I was reminded that not everyone who watches you is rooting for you. Hell, that is okay. I have learned that I do not need validation from people who have never contributed to my journey. The older I get, the more I understand the importance of moving in silence. I know how to protect my energy and to focus on what matters.

I also spent time thinking about how far I have come. There was a version of me who would have dissolved under the weight of the waves from some of the things I carry today. The woman I am now is not perfect. She is stronger, wiser, and far more resilient than she used to be. Every challenge I have faced has taught me something deep about perseverance, patience, and faith.

One thing single motherhood continues to teach me is that strength is not about pretending everything is easy. It is about accepting what is true. It is also about still choosing to move forward with grace. As summer approaches, I have had to face the reality that I may not get any breaks away from my kids unless I pay out of pocket.

I also know I must keep working to maintain the bills for me and my children on my own. That reality is heavy. However, I do not see myself as a victim of my circumstances. I refuse to take that weight out on my kids. Instead, I am choosing to carry this season with honesty, faith, and the determination to keep building a life that feels safe and stable for them.

As I am preparing to step into June, I am not focused on being perfect. I am focused on being consistent. I am focused on continuing to build the life I desire for myself and my children. Sh*t, even if it means carrying more than I ever expected to. I know they need at least one adult in their lives they can fully depend on. I take that responsibility seriously.

So, I am walking into this new month committed to protecting my peace. I am growing my faith. I am working hard. I am also making sure my children continue to feel secure, loved, and covered no matter what.

May may not have been a perfect month. I say this while sighing, but it was a month of growth. It was a month of lessons. It was a month of showing up even when it was not easy.

For that, I am grateful.

As I close out this chapter and prepare for a new month, I leave May with a heart full of gratitude. I also have renewed sense of hope. Some prayers are still being answered. Some goals are still being worked toward. Some dreams are still unfolding. However, I trust that every step forward, no matter how small it may seem, is leading me exactly where I need to be.

Now, let’s toast to June with a glass of sparkling juice to new opportunities, and continue to grow through whatever comes next.

I Think a Lot of Women Are Quietly Grieving the Life They Thought They’d Have By 30

2026-05-29T19:30:00.000-05:00

There’s a particular kind of whiplash that can come with entering your 30s. It is looking around at your actual life then quickly realizing it does not quite match the highlight reel you may have started building in your head or Pinterest saves in your early 20’s.

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For a lot of women, the picture was supposed to be clearer by now. They would probably have a loving relationship. They would probably be more financial stability. They may have a soft life with matching towels. Oh, a passport with a few more stamps.

Wait, and at the very least, fewer moments of staring into the fridge wondering if they should do Doordash or UberEATS dinner for the night. Instead, many are doing something far less exciting. What that may be is surviving, adapting, healing, and trying to look halfway put together while doing it.

Some women are raising children alone. Some are recovering from heartbreak that changed them in ways no one can see from the outside. Some are rebuilding financially, emotionally, or both at the same time, which deserves its own trophy gallery. Some are learning that friendships shift. Families can be disappointed.

They understand that being alone is not the same thing as being empty. The grief attached to all of this is often so quiet it almost goes unnoticed. It does not always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like answering emails. It looks like even making dinner from a TikTok recipe, paying bills on time, posting a confident selfie, and privately mourning the life you thought would have arrived by now with a bright blinky red bow on top.

Social media, of course, does not help. Everyone seems to be on a plane. In love. Debt-free. Planning their next get-way and somehow waking up at 5 a.m. to journal with the alarm clock set. Meanwhile, in real life, plenty of women are carrying disappointment ever so privately. They carry it so well that even the people closest to them may not fully see it.

They are grieving in lost time. Lost relationships. Lost versions of themselves. They have also lost the expectations they once wore like a blueprint to confidence. But maybe strength was never about getting everything on schedule. Maybe it is about having the courage to keep rebuilding even when the original plan blows up into shambles. Then maybe the real question is not why life did not happen the way we imagined, but who we become when it does not.

Nobody Talks About How Touch Starved Women Become

2026-05-27T19:30:00.000-05:00

For all the praise women get for being strong, nobody talks openly about what that strength quietly costs. Folk’s love calling women “independent,” as if it is always some badge of honor, but baby, they do not say much about how lonely it can feel. I am talking about when you have become so used to carrying yourself that softness starts to feel like a luxury.

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Specially for women who are healing. Women who are minding their business. Women that are raising children, working, and or staying celibate. Oh, are women who are being blunt by refusing to keep entertaining men who bring confusion instead of peace. There is a kind of emptiness that comes from going so long without safe affection, real tenderness, and the kind of presence that lets your whole body yearn.

I am not talking about anything all in your face or performative. I mean simple acts. Acts of being held. A kiss on your forehead. A hand to hold. Somebody rubbing your back after a long day. Hell, just feeling safe enough to exhale around somebody. Some people see a woman choosing solitude and swear she is cold and detached when that woman may be tired. Tired of fake intimacy. Tired of half ass effort. Tired of having to explain why peace matters.

You see down here in the South, a whole lot of women know how to look fine, smile pretty, and keep going while carrying more than anybody realizes. However, just because a woman carries it well does not mean it is not heavy. We also are not referring to the wagon she may have. Wink, wink.

But maybe that is the part people miss to pay attention to too. I say this because sometimes what looks like distance is really discipline. Plus, what looks like independence is a woman finally refusing to starve herself for crumbs falling from an already unstable table.

Ovulation in Your 30s While Single Should Honestly Be Studied

2026-05-24T17:31:48.751-05:00

Ovulation in my 30s is intense. See, I can be minding my business, on my phone sending audio messages, and the next minute I am craving chocolate, eggs with fish sauce, emotional intimacy, and somebody’s grown and sexy son all at the same time.

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To be real with you it feels as if my body turns into a completely different person for a few days out of the month. My energy levels shift. My appetite gets louder than my thoughts. My emotions sit right at the surface. My cramps can come in acting straight up disrespectful. I’m talking about the cramp that make you stop what you are doing, grab your lower pooch, and breathe through it like the Lord is testing yo' gangsta’.

Okay, so the wild part is trying to carry all of that while still being a grown, responsible, and intentional woman who is still about protecting her peace. Plus, attraction and desire are natural, however so is protecting your peace. A lot of women in their 30s are handling their business. That may be a combination of healing, being celibate, rebuilding, traveling, working, and choosing not to entertain men they do not emotionally trust.

That is also considered during the weeks where loneliness and feeling aroused hits the hardest. Honestly? That level of discipline deserves a damn trophy. People laugh about women being “in heat,” but nobody talks about how mentally frustrating it can feel trying to balance hormones, crazy cravings, emotional needs, and maintain self-control. All of this can be done while still wanting affection, intimacy, and genuine connection. Sometimes I do feel like I could gnaw on a jean jacket and cry for no reason exactly. Being a woman is truly a unique experience with its on struggles.

I’m Not Broke, I’m Rebuilding My Life

2026-05-23T14:21:34.413-05:00

Let me say this plain, I am not broke in my mind, my spirit, or with my vision. I may be in a season where I must stretch, sacrifice, and move much more carefully. However, that is not the same thing as being stuck in a broke mindset. It means I am rebuilding.

It means life hit hard, and instead of folding, I got my hands dirty. It means that I also started putting the pieces back together no matter how much time it took.

A lot of women out here in their 30s are carrying way more than people ever speak on. Paying rent or mortgage by themselves. Raising kids with little to no tribe. Going to work tired as hell. Smiling through situations that would break most people. Even still trying to heal while life keeps demanding more. That kind of weight will make you question yourself if you let it. Let me tell you, my baby, that is not failure. That is survival. That is strength with bruising on it.

Social media will have some people thinking everybody else is living soft, private, exciting lives while you are somewhere in the background fighting to keep your head above water. Folks are posting trips, rings, new houses, and flourishing business ventures. Meanwhile, the whole time you are rebuilding your money, peace, confidence, career, the meaning of what motherhood looks like to you, and your sanity. That kind of rebuilding does not always look photo worthy, but that does not mean it is not powerful.

Some nights, I am up late trying to make sure I am set for the morning ahead. Some mornings, I wake up already tired. I have been already carrying the day before the day even starts. Plus real talk, that can mess with your head if you let it. But I learned that being in a challenging chapter financially does not mean I think small, live small, or see myself as small.

I still know who I am. I am aware of what I am building. I still believe better is coming, even if right now it looks like hustle, prayer, discipline, and doing without.

See, some people hear “I am struggling” and assume that means you are begging, lazy, or behind.

Nah.

Sometimes it just means you are in the middle of rebuilding after heartbreak, bad decisions, disappointment, burnout, depression, or years of pouring into everybody else and leaving yourself empty. Sometimes rebuilding looks like paying bills before pleasure.

It can look like staying single so you can heal for real, taking classes while raising kids, budgeting every dollar, crying when you get a chance to be alone, and still getting up to handle business the next morning. That is not weakness.

So, if you are reading this and you have been judging yourself because life does not look expensive yet. Understand me like a homegirl sitting across from you at the table; do not confuse your current circumstances with your identity.

You are not your bank balance. You are not the apartment. The setbacks. The survival season. The lessons you had to learn to level up. You are the person who kept going. You are the one laying the foundation and still finding a way to love your people, keep your faith, and push forward with determination.

One day this season is going to be part of the story you tell, not the place you stay. When the peace, money, stability, and softness finally meet you on the other side, will you remember that even in your hardest season, you were never broke in spirit, only in the middle of becoming?

Survival Mode Had Me by the Throat (But I’m Letting Go)

2026-05-10T14:52:00.001-05:00

Listen… come over here and chill with me for a minute. I’m also not talking about the “oh, it looks like it’s about to rain outside, don’t it?” you say in passing at the store. I mean the real kind. The kind where you exhale first is as if you have been holding your breath so long you forgot what air felt like.

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I had one of those quiet realizations the other day. The kind of realization that does not come with fireworks. It feels like a lump in your throat and then it comes as sudden heaviness behind your ribs. It hit me plain as day. I have never truly lived. I have only survived.

I know firsthand how dramatic that sounds. But I also know me. I don’t say things to hear myself talk. I am saying it because when I look back, so many of my years were not measured by joy or milestones or even the “remember when we…?” stories.

They were measured by what I made it through.

I have never had a passport. Not because I did not dream about it. I did. I pictured it like folks picture a wedding ring. It is proof; you belong to a bigger world than the one you have been stuck in. But a passport costs money of course. Plus, to me at this time it is real money, extra money and was always spoken for before it ever hit my hands.

A real vacation? Baby, I mean the kind where you do not bring your worries with you in a suitcase. The kind where you are not checking your bank app is whispering your name with every swipe. The kind of vacation where you rest. The kind that you do not have to earn first. I can count on one hand the times I have gotten close to that. Even then, my mind stayed home making lists.

For a long time, my life felt like standing in the checkout line with a cart full of necessities for me and my kids like milk, bread, dish washing liquid and silently doing math in my head. I would be praying the total would not shame me publicly. You know that kind of math? The kind where you already promised the kids a lil something extra, then you see the screen climb. That’s when your chest gets hot. Hell, you start doing mental gymnastics like, “If I put the clothes detergent back, we can keep the soap to bathe with.”

That is what survival mode does. It makes every choice feel urgent. It makes every mistake feel expensive. It turns your whole world into a compressed padded room with no windows. You thinking about the next need, the next deadline, the next “Lord, please let this work out.”

You can be standing in your kitchen and still feel like yo’ ass is running. Running from late fees, from bad luck, from that one surprise expense that could knock your whole debit account into the negatives.

So, raising kids in that. Whew. People love to romanticize motherhood. Yes, my two kids have been my joy. But I am also not going to lie to you as if I got it all wrapped up with a bow. There were days I was strong because I did not have the luxury of being anything else. There were nights I stretched dinner. I stretched patience. I stretched myself to make a way out of no way. Then I went and cried in the bathroom quietly so nobody would hear me fall apart.

The wild part is, I did not even fully realize how limited my life had felt until I got my first car at 33. Thirty-three! Like, I can say it and still feel that mix of pride and grief. Pride on one hand because look at God! I did that. I worked. I saved; I pushed through. But then, grief because I also realized just how much I have been navigating without basic freedom. How many places did I not go because I could not. I didn’t even consider how many opportunities I did not even have because getting there felt impossible.

Plus, nobody truly talks about the grieving part, do they? Nobody tells you that sometimes you must mourn the life you did not get to have. Not because you were a bum or lacked motivation. Not because you were not trying. But because you were busy surviving, busy holding everything together with tired hands and a praying spirit. I guess grief is funny like that too. Grief it would show up years later. I am talking right when you finally sit down. Almost as if it’s been waiting on you to get quiet enough to feel it.

There is a sentence that’s been sitting heavy on me, and it is this:

Some people spent their 20s exploring life. I spent mine trying to survive it.

I used to feel ashamed to admit that. I felt for a long time like did something wrong by not having the pictures, the stamps, the stories. However, the truth is… surviving took everything I had. If you are reading this with that same tight feeling in your chest, I need you to understand me: survival is not a character flaw. It’s evidence.

Still. I don’t want to survive forever. I do not want to wake up at 60 and realize my whole life was a series of emergencies I somehow became good at handling. I do not want “strong” to be the only compliment people can find for me. As if softness is some kind of luxury I did not earn.

Therefore, if you have been doing life like I have been with your head down, heart tired, while trying to make it let this be your permission slip. You deserve more than survival. Not someday when everything is paid off and perfect. Now! Even if it starts small. A Saturday morning with your phone on DND. A little drive with no destination. Applying for that passport even if the trip isn’t booked yet, because the point is you finally believing you are allowed to go.

Oh, and if all you can do today is take one deep breath and choose yourself for five minutes… baby, that still counts as living.

When You Realize You’re the Safety Net, Everything Changes

2026-05-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you, ‘Sha! There comes a moment that rolls in harder than a Louisiana summer thunderstorm. Also, it does not tiptoe in. What does it do? It storms through the front door. You look at your world. Your babies. Your fustrations.

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You think about the peace you are trying to stitch together. Well, it smacks you right in the soul and it grips you mentally that there is no safety net waiting to catch you if you slip. Nobody’s swooping in to clean up what you drop. There is no one to keep the ship afloat if you start feeling seasick. Guess what, boo? You are the safety net. Once that truth settles in your bones, you can just feel the game change.

Listen, for a long while I sashayed around like I had room to mess up. I used to daydream about how if life got too wild, someone would come running, arms wide, ready to help me drag that heavy load. However, life damn sure has a funny way of peeling back the curtain just when you need to see it. My huge lesson? If I do not grab the wheel and swerve a little nothing moves. If I do not show up, nothing gets handled. Realizing that? Oh, my baby, it will either break you down or make you tougher than these old cypress roots in the bayou waters. Me? I started building brick by blessed brick.

Being the family’s safety net means the pressure is real, baby. Every single decision! I am talking about what you spend, who you trust, where you put your time, it all carries weight. Every dollar’s got a job. Every move you make sends ripples to the ones looking up to you. It is not about surviving anymore. It is about leveling up, keeping things steady, and laying down stability in a way it is the foundation of your own little realm no matter whether it is rain or shine.

But let’s get one thing straight the biggest shift was not in what I had to do. It was in how I started to think. It was in how I started to feel about myself and this crazy, beautiful, and yet heavy life.

I started guarding my time like grandma’s secret tea cake recipe. I became strict with my coins. I started choosing my circle carefully If you brought chaos or confusion, the door is right there, my baby. I say this because when you know you are the foundation, you do not play around with anything that could shake your peace. Confusion? Inconsistency? Bullshit! Please, I do not have time. Around here, we move with purpose, ‘cause we already know what is on the line.

Y’all, let’s not sugarcoat it at all. Responsibility gets heavy. Sometimes it is like carrying a bucket of fertilizer in a muddy sugarcane field after a rainstorm, and you’re slipping and sliding the whole way.

There are days when you feel as if you are holding up the whole damn sky. Days when you just want someone to scoop you up, let you rest, take the wheel, and mean it. Days when you would give anything for a break from carrying it all. However, even on those nights, standing in the kitchen with your worries swirling like a category 4 hurricane, there is a quiet, stubborn strength that whispers, “Girl, look at you! You have been holding it together, even when people was just watching you struggle for filth.”

That kind of realization? It plants confidence deep in your chest that is strong as bayou made moonshine and sharp as a handmade blade of sugarcane stalk as a weapon for a comeback.

It’s not the kind of confidence one just flashes around for show. It is quiet. It is the unshakeable kind that comes from knowing, no matter what, you will figure it out. You will pivot, rise, and keep going on. Why? Well, that’s what being the safety net means. You are the glue, baby.

So yeah, I realized I am the safety net. Instead of breaking me, it gave me more fire, more grit, and a deeper understanding of why I am the way that I am. I learned to protect my peace like a mama gator and move through life with the kind of grace and grit that can only come from the soul of a Southern woman holding it all down. That is the secret. However, most folks do not even see how much you are juggling, but you know. It is true right there, that changes everything.

Keep your head up, love. You are doing more than just making it through! You are weaving a legacy day by day, growth and all. I believe that is the real difference maker in the everyday hustle of life.

Doing Everything Alone as a Single Mom: The Truth No One Talks About

2026-05-05T22:07:00.000-05:00

Hey there, can I just be honest for a little bit? Doing everything by yourself; handling business, keeping the house running, making sure the kids are all right well, it will change you in ways you do not even notice at first.

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For many women like me the change is not some big, dramatic moment where you wake up and feel brand new. No, indeed. The change sneaks up on you. I’m talking like creeping up on the back of your heels. You start thinking differently, moving differently, and you just stop waiting on folks to show up the way you once wished they would. After a while, you quit explaining yourself. You quit depending. You just roll up your sleeves. You take a deep breath, and get the job done without poppin’ any questions to anybody.

Now, there was a time I swore I needed help to feel steady. This was a time I could not stand tall if I did not have somebody to lean on. I thought I needed people to show up. I am talking about showing up with that solid, rock-steady presence. However, let me tell you, doing it all alone taught me otherwise. Stability? It is not something you get handed to you, Sha! Stability is something you lay down yourself.

You lay it down damn near brick by brick, bill by bill, decision by decision. Even when you are hella tired. You lay it down even when you would give anything for a break! You learn to keep stacking those bricks. That is just how it goes down here in Louisiana. We adapt to moving, rain or shine.

Being the one who makes sure the lights stay on, the kids are fed, and everyone has a chance of self-expression under your roof, it does something to your soul. It grows you up in places you did not even know were still green. You get sharper. You become more disciplined. You feel real protective over your time, your energy, and your peace. Before long, you see people for who they are, and not who you wanted them to be. Once you see that truth, well, you cannot unsee it, Sha.

Let’s talk about tolerance. When you have had to be your own safety net, your own shoulder to cry on, your own ride-or-die, your patience for confusion gets hella thin. You don’t chase people down for communication. You do not find yourself begging for someone to be steady. This is because when you have had to be your own back-up plan you learned to stop settling for half-ass anything. It is not that you do not care about folks. It is that you just expect more. Plus, if those folks cannot meet you where you are, you are okay with letting the good Lord take it from there and move on.

But let’s get real, it is damn sure is not always a badge of honor. Sometimes, it is plain exhausting. Sometimes it stings like razor blade cuts upon the cheeks of your face. Sometimes you ache for someone you could lean on without wondering what they are truly after. There are nights you stand in your kitchen, just you and your thoughts, and you feel every ounce of that weight. That part? We do not talk about it enough, do we?

Still, even in the thick of all that tiredness, there is a strength that runs deep. You look back and realize you have been holding it down all along. You have been making things work with what you’ve got. You have been building peace in places where chaos could have taken over. That kind of strength? It is quiet, sure, but it is powerful. It is the kind of grit you only get from living it, day in and day out, Louisiana-style.

Doing it all on my own did not make me hard. It made me wise. It made me sharper. More intentional. It made me realize I am not an option. As a matter of fact, I am the whole got-damn foundation. I may not have all the answers. Lord knows I have still got questions. However, I do know this: I’m not waiting for somebody to come save me. I already did. If you are doing it all on your own, just know you have more grit and heart than you think. Down here where I am that counts for everything.

April Was a Wake-Up Call I Didn’t Ask For

2026-05-01T21:49:00.001-05:00

Honey, let me tell you, April wasn’t here to play with me, not a damn bit. It hit me with the kind of pressure and force that will make you move differently whether you are ready or not. Look, I did not pop up on my blog much last month.

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However, that damn sure does not mean nothing was not going down. That means I was out here living, for real, tryna keep my head above water. I was holdin’ it together, and hell, not lose my damn mind in the middle of all this mess. April taught me, that nobody coming to save my ass. I had to stop waiting for help that ain’t never showing up how I need it. Between dealing with the man I kids with, the last-minute curveballs, bickering with my kids, working, paying these damn bills, and still trying to have a lil peace at the crib, I got goldfish bowl clear. I am talkin’ real quick! It is just me, dawg. Always been me. But instead of letting that shit break me, something in me flipped. I started moving differently, like somebody who knows she got her own back even when it is hard as hell.

Let me tell you something else, peace is damn sure not something folks hand you. It is a damn choice. Peace is a choice to make when folks act messy as hell, rude, or trying to drag you by your collar first out of character. April had my emotions all over the place. The month could have had me spiraling, explaining myself, or getting in some back-and-forth bullshit to prove a point. However, I am not perfect. I didn’t get it right every time. But I started choosing different. I started stepping back. Started realizing not every text needs a clapback, not every situation needs my energy, and hell, not everybody deserves to be up in my space. Protecting my peace started looking like shutting up, staying away, and holding it down. With me saying all of this I can vouch that is a different kinda strength. I’m still learning to stand in and up in peace; you hear me?

But the biggest thing in April that I was smacked behind my head with is that you can be out here minding your own damn business, handling what you gotta do, building your life quietly… and folks still gon’ watch, question, and try to figure your shit out. Whether people question how I am keeping it together solo. The moves I’m making. Or people wondering and asking how I am pushing through all the bullshit; alone with no tribe. I feel the eyes, trust. But instead of letting that mess get to me, make me feel all pressured or defensive, I’m learning to let it make me focus up. I do not owe anybody an explanation for how I survive. It is none of these folks’ business, how I get down, or how I show up in my life. This is not about proving nothing to anybody. It’s about getting shit done, staying solid, and building a life that speaks for itself, point blank that’s it.

April wasn’t easy. April was damn, necessary. It pushed me to grow up in the spots where I was still holding on to some comfort. The parts of me where I was still wishing for different results from the same folks. April had me still figuring out how to stand ten toes down on my own. If I am keeping it real, I am walking into May a little bit stronger, a little bit quieter, and a way more focused.

He Keeps Getting Me Pregnant Every Summer… So I Did This

2026-04-06T20:30:00.001-05:00

I got an email that started with… ‘I secretly got on birth control… am I wrong?

This email made my eyes water, because I know too many women living this exact life in silence.

“Hey Linda, you can share this publicly if you want because I know I’m not the only woman going through this. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have 4 kids together and live in a small two bedroom apartment. We have been here for some years now and I want better for us.

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Every summer for the last few years, it may sound crazy, but I end up pregnant. So, I’m now 28 and I’m tired. I love my kids, but I don’t want to be pregnant again this summer. I really don’t, girl. I want to enjoy my body, feel like myself, and get the hell out of the apartment. Being a mama can be smothering and even as a girlfriend. I’m tired of trying to convince my boyfriend that we should get out and go on dates. He works a night shift. He comes home early in the morning by the time I’m waking up to get the kids ready for the day mad and plays his game, eat, and go to bed. When he wakes up he ready to have sex. I guess that’s just his nature, but I’m getting grossed out. Two months ago, I secretly got on birth control pills and didn’t tell him. I feel guilty just a little bit at the same time, I don’t. It feels like every time we have sex that he’s trying to get me pregnant again. I want to live outside of being called mama all the damn time. I have a real name too. I’m just over it. Am I wrong for not telling him?”

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Girl, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I will say that you are not wrong for wanting control over your own body. You have graciously carried four children back-to-back and feeling like you don’t even get a break to just be you is real. Getting on birth control does not make you sneaky! Let’s get that out the way. Getting on birth control shows you are tired and you have self-awareness.

It is a great thing that you are looking to protect yourself from repeating a cycle that you do not want to go through again. However, I will say this with love, okay? The bigger issue is not the birth control pill, it is the fact that you do not feel comfortable enough to say out loud, “I don’t want another baby.”

You deserve to be able to have a voice in your own relationship. You are desiring to have one summer where you are not pregnant, where your body is yours, where you can breathe and feel like a woman again is not selfish it is necessary. Necessary for your mental health and happiness. I want you to make sure you do not stay in a situation where you must keep choosing silence just to have control. Y’all relationship deserves for both of you to honesty and peace to thrive.

They Didn’t Clap for Me But I Still Won | TA of the Year Reflection

2026-04-05T12:16:00.002-05:00

I recently experienced a moment in my life that felt bigger than the title that came with it. Being named TA of the Year was one of those moments for me. Not because of the award itself, but because of everything it represents.

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I am talking about the brisk, rainy, and foggy mornings, the long afternoon days, the patience, the growth, and the version of me that refused to give up even when life felt heavy. I showed up every single day for my students, even when my own children were going through their storms, I showed up for my responsibilities, and for myself. This time, it did not go unnoticed.

However, let’s be honest everyone will not celebrate your come up.

There will be people who look at your accomplishments and question your worth. Some of these same people will have backhanded ways of humbling you and your efforts. There will of course be the people who stay silent on purpose. Then it is the people who clap for others loudly in your face but go quiet when it is your turn. Oh, you are not careful, you will start to internalize that silence. You will wonder if you deserved it or if you should not be happy about it. You can even question if it was luck, timing, or anything other than your hard work.

I had to remind myself of something real: their reaction has nothing to do with me.

Not everyone has the capacity to celebrate others. This is especially true when they are dealing with their own insecurities, comparisons, or unspoken feelings. Some people struggle to acknowledge what they did not expect from you. Some people are used to a version of you that was still figuring things out! Then when you evolve, it makes them uncomfortable. Nevertheless, that discomfort is not your burden to carry.

For me, this award hits deeper because of where I came from. I spent over two years working from home, in an isolated space, doing my job quietly while parenting at the same time, without recognition, without moments like this. I never had a title attached to my name like this before. I was never “of the year.” So, stepping into a new career field, pushing myself, learning in real time, and still managing to stand out… that means something to me.

It means growth.

It means boldness.

It means I trusted myself enough to try something different and it paid off.

Even if nobody else said it, I know the truth: I worked for this.

I earned every bit of it through consistency. People may laugh at say it’s only because you were used as a substitute throughout all grade levels and that is it and that’s all. I can only nod and say sure. However, I know I showed up when motherhood was not looking it’s best, raising my kids without any support system and no breaks, I was showing up even when my walk to the school wore me out. Of course, I could have called out, even when I could have easily done the bare minimum. I chose not to. I chose to care. I chose to be present. I chose to give my students the best of me, and that choice is what brought me here. I was present throughout the insults, the shortcomings, and the whispers.

So no, I will not dim this moment because everyone did not clap. I will not question my worth, because someone else couldn’t acknowledge it. There are people who have been in my position for years and have never earned this recognition. I will not let quiet rooms make me feel like I am not making noise in my own life. I am. This is what growth looks like.
This is what elevation feels like. This is just the beginning for me.

From the Ringer to the Winner’s Circle: 5 Life Lessons from The Month of March

2026-04-01T21:35:00.001-05:00

Hey, Sha! Can we just take a second to woo-sa? This month has been an absolute whirlwind. Plus, if I’m being honest, I’ve been living "under the ringer" lately. But you know what? I have realized I do a lot of my work best when the pressure is on.

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There is something about a tight deadline and a long to-do list that forces me to step my A game. Here are the five things that really stuck with me this month:

First off, I learned that sometimes you just must trust your gut and execute. I had no intention of buying a car this month. I am talking zero, but the stars aligned. The intuition kicked in, and I just went for it. I remember how the morning breeze of a 32 degree morning sung my face and made my eyes immediately water. I said while I was trucking to work on Mi-Mi and FeFe (my two feet) that this was going to be my last month walking from point a to point b because I must.

It is now because I want to. Purchasing my car this month was a reminder that when a door opens, you do not always need a year to plan. You just need the courage to walk through. Whew, and speaking of growth, I have finally started refusing to take things at work so personally. Now I did not know it until I was called out on it by a co-worker. I had to sit back to think about it in my seat, but it registered. You see, with this being in my first year as an educator it has been a whole different beast to tame.

I am learning that a tough day in the classroom is not a reflection of my worth. It is just part of the journey.

I have also doubled down on the fact that my 4:45 AM wake-up call is non-negotiable. That morning routine is not only for my sanity; it sets the entire tone for my children. I know for sure that when I am grounded, they are grounded. On a more personal note, I’ve realized that protecting my peace is a full-time job. I have not even been dating!

However, it seems like men are lining up just to try and waste my time. All I can do is shake my head because I am not taking their bait. It is funny how when you start looking good and leveling up in life, the "distractions" start reaching out! However, I am not moved at all. Finally, I learned yet again that strength is not only about enduring; it is about evolving. I am closing out the month of March feeling more "found" than ever. See you in the next one!

The Characteristics of a Dependable Woman

2026-04-01T21:30:00.001-05:00

You might miss her at first glance. A dependable woman is not flashy. She is unforgettable. She is the quiet force in the background. She is never shouting for attention or applause, although her actions speak volumes. She does not need to broadcast her every move in life.

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Earning respect comes by showing up, time after time. However, when it comes down to real life and I am talking about responsibilities, pressure, unexpected situations happening, she is the woman who always finds a way. She does not strive to do perfectly or without stress. She handles it.

A dependable woman is consistent and present, regardless of being tired or unexpected challenges. Even when nobody is clapping for her behind the scenes she shows up. Her life does not always look worthy. But the show goes on. Her bills get paid. Her kids are taken care of. Her responsibilities are handled. What kind of consistency? That is a quiet form of power.

She doesn’t wait around for people to save her. That’s one of her strongest traits. She understands that support is a blessing, not a guarantee. So instead of sitting in frustration or hoping someone will come through, she moves. She figures it out. She makes calls, creates plans, and puts things in place so her life keeps going forward. That does not mean she does not get overwhelmed, it means she does not stay in a loophole.

A dependable woman is also solution oriented. She does not just sit in the problem while replaying it repeatedly. She may vent. She may feel it, but eventually she shifts into, “Okay, what can I do to make my situation better?” That shift changes everything. That is where her strength shows up the most with not in having a cookie cutter life, but in how she responds when things take a turn for the worst.

She protects her peace by getting things handled before they take her under. She pays attention. She prepares. She sets things up in a way that avoids commotion later. When something does fall through, she adapts fast. That is why people around her start to trust her. Not because she is perfect, but because she is reliable.

Let’s also call a spade a spade and say that being dependable does not mean being taken advantage of. A real dependable woman has boundaries. She knows when to say no. She knows a challenge when she faces it. She realizes quickly that she cannot give her all to others without also taking care of herself. Her reliability begins with prioritizing her own well-being first.

At the end of the day, a dependable woman is not built in easygoing seasons. She is built through moments where she had every reason to fall apart but did not. She is built through figuring things out with limited support, time, and resources. Instead of breaking, she became someone who could be counted on.

If you ask me that is the kind of woman people respect. Respecting her comes with grace because her actions are bold and because her life reflects it.

This Season of My Life Feels Heavy, But I’m Still Showing Up

2026-03-29T22:17:00.000-05:00

Shaking this heaviness of the season away has not been easy. I am not looking to come off in a dramatic way. Plus, I am not carrying this statement in a “everything is falling apart” kind of way. I am serving this in that quiet yet constant way. The way in which you are carrying a lot, thinking about a lot, and still expected to show up like everything is fine. The truth is, I have been overwhelmed.

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I am balancing being a mom of course. That’s the duh factor for many people. I am working in the school system. I am trying to keep everything structured. I am also making decisions that do not affect only me, but my kids too. There is always something that needs my attention. There is always something that needs to be figured out. There is always something that can not wait. Plus, even though I am handling it, that does not mean it is easy.

I think people assume that when you are always so strong, you do not ever feel overwhelmed. However, strength does not cancel out pressure. What it means is that you keep going anyway. This season of my life is requiring more from me. More patience, more discipline, more emotional control, and more responsibility. I am growing. I can see that in many ways. However, I would be lying if I said it does not get exhausting at times.

There are moments where I wish. I am talking for real wishing on a dandelion flower as I blow super hard. I wish that things were a little easier, lighter, and less on my shoulders. I wake up some mornings and still feel tenseness in my upper back and shoulders. Then I give myself a reality check, I know I am building something. I know every decision I am making right now is creating stability for me and my kids. The structure I am putting in place is protecting our future. This version of me is the one figuring it out even when it is difficult, becoming someone stronger than I have ever been.

Therefore, I give myself grace. For the days I feel stretched. For the moments I feel tired, and for the times I do not have all the answers. I know that I still have to move forward anyway. This is not a season of failure. It's the season of becoming.

If you are feeling overwhelmed too, I want you to know you are not behind. You are not doing life wrong. You are in a season that is requiring more from you. Even if it feels heavy right now, you are still showing up, and you are capable of consistency with your efforts. I believe that it counts for more than you think.

He Said No; So I Made a Plan Without Him

2026-03-25T19:31:00.000-05:00

I asked him for help. I genuinely asked with good intentions. Not for everything. Not for anything crazy at all; just something. Life be lifing. I am raising two elementary school aged kids, working, showing up, handling everything like most mothers do. So I asked… and he said no.

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Now a younger version of me would have sat in that. Overthinking, stressing, trying to figure out how to make him understand. I probably would be hoping he would change his mind. I would still be waiting.

However, I am not her anymore. I have learned the hard way that inconsistency will stress you out more than no help at all. I look at it like this when someone is inconsistent, you get stuck in a cycle of maybe they will, maybe they won’t. Maybe today will be different. You are doing all this considering all while your real life still needs structure. Your kids still need to be picked up from school. Your job still expects you to show up. Your bills are still due regardless of how someone else feels that day.

I have already lived through that chaos. I have had my routine disrupted. I have had my stability shaken. I have also had moments where things were pulled from under me at the worst possible time. So this time, I moved differently. I made a plan that did not require him. I was willing to pay what needs to be paid. I am willing to set up what needs to be set up, and create a system that works whether he shows up or not. Peace is expensive. I am willing to pay for it.

Let me say this clearly, I know somebody needs to hear it. Stop building your life around someone who already showed you they are not reliable. That is not strength. It will become self-sabotage dressed up in a nice pair of shoes as hope. This is not about keeping anyone from their kids. It's about consistency. Structure. It is about protecting the life I am building. What I will not do is allow someone to pop in and out when it is convenient for them and leave me to clean up the confusion. Not anymore.

I gave him the opportunity. He said no. I adjusted. No arguing, no begging, and no long paragraphs. My movements were action based. There is power in that kind of decision. The kind of power that speaks where you stop waiting, stop hoping, and finally say, “I got it and it’s going to be alright.”

If you’re in a season where you’re waiting on someone to help you hold things together, let this be your sign. You don’t need their yes to move forward. You need a plan.

He said no… and instead of letting that break me, I built a life that no longer depends on his yes.

The Day I Finally Bought My First Car | And Why Patience Paid Off

2026-03-16T22:28:00.001-05:00

There are some moments that bring that childhood joy out of you. This past Saturday was one of those moments for me. I bought my first car. I am talking about my life ever.

Car Buying Day at The Dealership

Not because someone handed me the keys. Not because someone cosigned. Not because life was convenient for me to do so. But, because I stayed patient.

For a long time, I watched other people move through life with things that seemed easy to gain. Things like cars, convenience, and even independence. Meanwhile, I was budgeting every dollar. I was paying off credit cards. I was raising my kids, working, and trying to build a stable life one step at a time.

Real talk, sometimes that kind of progress feels slow. Slow as hell.

However, slow progress is still progress.

There were moments when I could have rushed the process. I could have made emotional financial decisions. I could have bought something unreliable just to say I had a car.

Instead, I waited.

I paid off my credit cards. I saved money. I planned carefully.

Then, when the right moment came, I walked into the dealership ready.

On Saturday, March 14th, I drove away in my own car.

The feeling was bigger than I expected.

It was not only about transportation. It was about independence. It was about growth. It was about proving to myself that patience does pay off when you stay focused. The first thing I thought about was not even myself.

It was my kids.

That next God given day I took my kids grocery shopping in our car.

We had a safe trip to and from the store. There is also something that might seem small to other people who feel major to me. For me, every step forward I take is about building a better, more stable life for them.

This moment reminded me of something important:

A lot of the blessings we pray for don't show up overnight. The blessings show up after discipline. After patience. After the tears. Once the disbelief fades. Once you have done, have enough of your own shortcomings and you grind harder. Sometimes the most powerful wins are the ones nobody saw you grinding for.

If you’re in a season where life feels slow, keep going.

Your breakthrough might be closer than you think.

Mine came days before spring with four wheels and a key in my hand. I am so grateful.

I Am Not at Work to Be Liked | I Am There to Grow and Level Up

2026-03-08T15:45:00.000-05:00

When a woman knows who she is, that is when she becomes powerful. She is no longer walking into rooms hoping to be accepted, validated or liked. That woman is walking into rooms to build something for her future.

It is true that many of us were taught to believe that being liked at work meant we were doing something right. We thought being friendly, agreeable, and easy going would make our work lives smoother. But the truth is “in my best Fantasia singing voice” workplaces can sometimes feel like high school all over again.

There are cliques.
There is pettiness galore.
There are tight circles that do not always leave room for others.

Then there may be you. Sometimes, if you do not want to be a part of any circle.

You might wonder what it is about you. You may question how you can be more of a team player even if you have already been one. You catch yourself overthinking and then in that moment you value that you did not wake up and come here to compete for popularity. What you came here to do is gain experience, grow, and move forward. See once you shift in thinking it changes everything.

Instead of placing any focus on who is including you in lunch plans or group moments, you start paying attention to things that actually matter. What is that you may ask? The skills you are learning. The experience you are gaining. Oh, and the doors that may open later because you showed up and did your job even on the days you felt defeated. Once you stop chasing approval, you start building into your confidence. It is not the loud kind of confidence that needs attention. Instead, it is the quiet kind of confidence that comes from knowing your purpose.

You begin to understand that not every environment is meant to be your forever place.

Some places are training grounds. They teach you patience. They help you build insight on your character strengths and flaws. They teach you observation. They teach you how to navigate different personalities. Most importantly, they teach you what kind of professional you want to become, and who you do not want to ever gauge into. Every experience, even the uncomfortable ones, becomes part of your story that you are accountable to accept. That way if you ever find yourself feeling like you are standing outside of someone else’s circle at work, remember this:

Your worth is not measured by how many coworkers invite you into their social group. Your worth is measured by the direction your life is moving. You’re not there to win over people with your energy. You are there to gain knowledge, blossom your skills, and position yourself for the next opportunity.

You can also remember that the most powerful move a woman can make is walking into a workplace is to leave your personal views at home. Do not mix your personal life with work and leave the foolery you witness on the playground. Do the work. Learn the lessons. Then move forward when the time is right.

All bosses know that leveling up has never required permission from anyone else in the room.

* This post reflects personal reflections on workplace growth and does not reference any specific employer or individuals.

I Stopped Arguing With Men Who Refuse to Understand Me

2026-02-18T20:00:00.005-06:00

Hey, Sha. Let's sit back and talk, 'cause there's somethin' I just gotta share with ya’, somethin' that’s changed my whole peace of mind. I wanted to touch on how I do not argue anymore. Now, do not be thinkin' I am under someone’s control or a cat got my tongue or anything. Lord knows I still have plenty to say. I am not a weak or scared chick, bless your heart. Nah, the truth is, that it took me some time, but I have learned a valuable lesson about what arguing really is. It is for folks who still think if they just explain it one more time, they will somehow be understood.

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Let me tell you, I am not worn out in any way from tryin' to be understood. Now, I am tryin' to be aligned. See, I used to make a true effort to be heard while in love with your better half meant being a broken record. I am talkin’ about overly explaining my whole self over and over. I thought, 'Maybe if I say it softer this time around, or maybe louder, or with less attitude in my tone, or just with a little more grace, they will finally get it.' But my baby, you cannot, no matter how hard you try, explain yourself into being valued by someone. Once that sunk in, I became mentally exhausted, pure and simple.

I became exhausted from conversations that felt like I was on trial at the courthouse. Exhausted of defendin' my tone of voice. Exhausted of havin' to explain why basic respect is not optional. That respect is a given. Isn’t it? Lord, I was so mentally exhausted from being called "too much" when all I was asking' for was some steady consistency.

So now? I do not argue. I just watch. I observe it as if I am sittin' on the porch and watchin' the storm clouds cascaded sky and bringing a breeze of cool comfort with the air. When I see somethin' that just doesn't sit right in my spirit, that just feels off? I do not fuss. I do not hoot and holler, I just replace it. Energy feelin' off? Replace. Effort lacking along with the communication games? Replace. Excuses taking the place of accountability? Replace. My peace is disturbed? Sha, I replace.

Oh, I am not talking ‘bout replacin' with another man, either. Bless his heart, he would be as confused as ever. I replace with silence. With distance. With discipline in my life. With a better, higher standard. I move this way 'cause I am worth it. That is the part that always catches 'em by surprise. They are sittin' there waitin' for the big reaction. They are expectin' all that drama and emotion. They think they still got easy access to you. But when a woman who used to go ten rounds in an argument goes quiet? That is not weakness, my love. That's a door being slammed and bolted.

I used to think that real chaos meant being able to have emotional empathy. If it was not loud and dramatic and full of tears, well, it must not be the real deal, right? However, peace feels somethin' else entirely. If you have been addicted to all that adrenaline, peace can feel hella boring. It feels strange when you are even used to living in survival mode. However, peace does not kiss ass. Peace does not chase after nobody. Peace sure do not argue from any disagreement that may arise.

Peace sits right there. It is steady as a rock, and says, "You either going to come correct or not come at all." I have finally decided I like that kind of love a whole heap better. The kind that does not require you to put on a performance. The kind that does not need you to prove your own worth. The kind that does not feel like you are on a damn stage in a dark auditorium auditioning' for a role you already were qualified for the whole time.

So my reader, I am wrapping this post up saying that I am not hard to love. I finally stopped goin' back and forth with people who were overall committed to misunderstanding me. In this chapter, I do not argue. I replace. If that makes me a little "different" than I used to be? Well, good. 'Cause different women get different, and much better, results.

The Version of Me You Had Access to Is Gone

2026-02-17T09:08:00.005-06:00

Hey, honey, pull up a chair. Grab you a glass of lemonade or maybe somethin’ a little stronger (I won’t tell). Let me tell you a story ‘bout a guh you used to know. Of course, she is me, but a few lifetimes back. If this feels a little too much like sittin’ on a back porch swing after supper time, well, honey, that’s exactly the vibe I’m goin’ for.

nappy

I used to be the queen of over-explainin’. Lord have mercy! If there was a misunderstanding floatin’ in the air, I would chase it down like folks do the sweets lady after church service for their fix. I figured… if I just talked enough, loved hard enough, stayed real calm, and outlasted a southeast Louisiana summer then folks would finally see my heart and handle it with delicacy.

But Sha’ bless my heart, I was wrong as hell.

Not ‘cause I didn’t care. Not ‘cause I wasn’t sweeter than pecan candy. But you know what? If you do not make people step up and grow, they will keep on takin’ the easy road. That is straight through your kindness.

The Girl Who Explained Herself to Death

I used to think clarity was the magic dippin’ sauce. So, there I was, sendin’ novels for texts. I was layin’ my soul bare like biscuits on Sunday mornin’ before you based them with salted butter. I thought that if I gave ‘em the whole recipe, they would stop actin’ confused.

What I did not get then, sha’, is some folks just enjoy the confusion. If misunderstandin’ keeps them in the driver’s seat, then do not be surprised if they never wanna read the map. It is not about clarity. It is about control.

So now? Whew, I don’t chase after misunderstandings anymore. If you twist my words, bless your heart, but I am not placing any of my energy into untanglin’ ‘em for you.

The Peacemaker (With a Side of Grits)

Lord knows I used to soak up tension like cornbread soppin’ up some good ole chili. I did this just to keep the peace. I would swallow my words. Soften my tone. I even let folks treat me any ol’ way, thinkin’ that was me being “the bigger person.” Turns out, keepin’ the peace don’t mean lettin’ folks do that damn Cupid Shuffle all over your spirit in muddy boots or lemon pepper steppas na’.

Real peace means not sacrificin’ your own comfort so someone else can keep playin’ messy in theirs. These days, I do not set myself on a burning fire to keep someone else warm.

The Girl Who Waited (and Waited…)

Lawd, I waited for apologies so long I coulda crocheted a king size blanket. I waited for someone to show up the way I did for them to finally match my intentions. But let me tell you, when someone is able, they do not keep you sittin’ in the parkin’ lot with the engine runnin’. They jump out, arms wide and with a smile ready to meet you.

The guh who waited? She doesn’t live here anymore.

Access Expired (And I Didn’t Even Slam the Door)

I didn’t write a big ol’ announcement or throw confetti around for the moment. I… stopped reachin’ out. Did not call. Did not chase. Plus, add this you did know it, but when I quit dancin’ and entertaining for dysfunction, the music became real awkward real fast. Turns out, when you don’t play, folks gotta face their own noise.

This Season’s Got a Different Swing to It

These days, I’m guardin’ my time like a mechanic who works on ole school rides in his driveway for a living. I do not put all my business out for everybody to see. I am softer, sure, but baby, do not confuse that for weak. I do not have to holler about my growth. My peace settles in and speaks for itself.

Let me tell you, that is the strongest I have ever felt.

If You’re Feelin’ a Shift, Too…

Maybe you’re postin’ a little less, arguin’ a little less, explainin’ a whole lot less. Maybe you’re lettin’ folks brew in their own confusion instead of jumpin’ in to fix it with a spoonful of sugar and hugs.

Postin’ less
Arguin’ less
Explainin’ less
Reactin’ less
Allowin’ folks to sit in their own mess

Sha’, you ain’t cold. You are growin’, and let me just say, it looks good on you. You had to be the guh who tolerated chaos. Bless her, so now you can eye it a mile away and steer clear without hesitation.

Growth means lettin’ some things (and some people) just expire. I am talkin’ like milk left out in the sun. Do not waste your patience on folks who only liked you back when you were easier to handle.

This new you? She’s here ‘cause you love yourself good and true. Not outta bitterness, but ‘cause you finally stopped handin’ out all-access passes to folks who never deserved ‘em from the beginning.

Access expired, baby. Peace moved right in. Peace had put her feet up and made herself at home.

If this hits you right in the depth of your heart, pass it along. We’re all just tryin’ to grow, love ourselves better, and keep our peace a little spicier than it was yesterday.

Why Loving Yourself First Is the Ultimate Love Story And How to Celebrate It This Valentine’s Day

2026-02-11T19:30:00.004-06:00

Valentine’s Day used to hit me like a bluesy saxophone on a gentle New Orleans night. It reminded me of what was not there. I had thoughts about what hadn’t happened yet. I was even plagued with thoughts of love should look by now. But honey, this year, there is a whole different rhythm in the air.

Valentine’s Day will feel different when you already know you are the main character in your own parade.

It is not about someone showing up with roses or an over-the-top dinner reservation down in the French Quarter. Would it be nice? Hell, yeah. However, it is about me showing up for myself every single day. I am talking about the kind of unwavering devotion you see in a second line procession. Somewhere between king cake and café au lait, I realized love is not something I am waiting on. It is the very beat I am stepping to.

I have come to understand that love is not about grand gestures or fleeting attention. It is discipline. It is having your own back when the crowd’s gone home. It is talking sweet to yourself on the tough days. Oh, it is also protecting your peace even when it would be easier to let loneliness sneak in like a mime dancing to Mardi Gras Mambo.

This season of my life? It is all about choosing myself in small, soulful ways that do not call for applause. Keeping my bills paid on time, because ain’t nobody got time for late fees! Resting when my body needs it, the way a bayou breeze calms the evening. Creating routines that nurture the woman I am becoming. Walking away from conversations and people who rattle up my spirit like an out-of-tune zydeco band.

That is love, Louisiana-style.

I have also learned that romanticizing your life does not mean playing pretend that everything is somehow perfect. It is finding beauty in stability. It is enjoying the sweetness of quiet nights. It is the comfort of steady progress. Plus, it is confidence that comes when you refuse to trade your peace for anyone’s validation. It is knowing you will never abandon yourself just for a flicker of attention.

This Valentine’s Day is not about proving anything to the world. It is about honoring the journey. The bayous I have crossed. The storms I have weathered. The strength I have found along the way. The love I used to chase down Decatur Street was always meant to start within. Because of that, my standards are higher now. They are not harsher, clearer, like a Louisiana morning after a hard shower of rain.

I am not waiting to be chosen anymore. I have already picked myself. I’m talkin’ beads and all.

Here is the real lagniappe; When love comes knocking on my door again, it will be the spice in my gumbo; not the whole roux. An addition. A pleased extra which is not a necessity. Only because I have already laid the foundation strong as a comfort meal on a Sunday after church.

As Valentine’s Day drifts by, I am bringing this rooted, soulful love straight into every season. That is especially to the ones filled with celebration. I am learning that happiness does not have to be loud to be true. Plus, fun does not have to cost me my peace of mind. With Mardi Gras right around the corner, I find myself thinking about how I celebrate these days. I am also thinking about why protecting my energy is now a cherished part of my tradition. Laissez les bons temps rouler, but only if it feels right in my soul.

Let That Bayou Magic Lead: My Sizzlin’ January Lessons

2026-02-01T18:30:00.002-06:00

Down here in Louisiana, I have learned not to waste my breath trying to drag folks where they don’t wanna go. Here are a few things that I have learned in the month of January to carry me along the way for this year in no order.

If someone’s stubborn as a cypress stump, then why wear yourself out? Save your spark for what ignites your excitement.

Show up bold, show up proud, and cher in your own way. Learn how to better show up for you! This is your Mardi Gras celebration, so toss those beads however you please!

When your mind starts racing like gators down in the bayou, crank up that zydeco or bounce music. Let the rhythm use you to carry those crazy ass thoughts away. You’re bound to overthink, Sha, but let the music beat soothe you.

Listen, when life gets heavy, grab a word search puzzle book and let your mind wander a bit. Sometimes you gotta let your brain stretch out like mama had to do those leftovers for a few days.

You already have everything you need, sha. Walk tall, move with intention. Let the world see you glow. Your confidence is spicier than a hot bowl of seafood jambalaya. Do not forget it.

Keep your words short and sweet, like a good piece of pecan candy. There is no need to explain yourself to anybody. Your energy is gold! Sha, do not spend it on what does not feed you.

Let’s get one thing straight as well. Putting yourself first is not selfish. It is wise to do. Let this year start and end with your well-being prioritized. Like Mama always says, “You can’t pour from an empty gumbo pot, baby.”

Do not neglect that glow! Invest in your smile, your skin, and lord knows, your crown! Every southern queen deserves to radiate from head to toe.

Oh, and yes, rock that promise ring on your left hand every single day! That is your sacred pledge to love yourself through thick and thin and I am talking through the storms and sunshine.

An apple a day might keep the doctor away. But down here, we toss in a little cayenne pepper just for the kick. Keep it spicy, keep it true, and let that Louisiana magic lead you all the way through February.

Stay bold, stay beautiful, and remember this; the bayou is in your blood and the world is yours, ‘sha!

Song for the month that I had on replay this month: