She's Found Strength

From the Ringer to the Winner’s Circle: 5 Life Lessons from The Month of March

2026-04-01T21:35:00.000-05:00

Hey, Sha! Can we just take a second to woo-sa? This month has been an absolute whirlwind. Plus, if I’m being honest, I’ve been living "under the ringer" lately. But you know what? I have realized I do a lot of my work best when the pressure is on.

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There is something about a tight deadline and a long to-do list that forces me to step my A game. Here are the five things that really stuck with me this month:

First off, I learned that sometimes you just must trust your gut and execute. I had no intention of buying a car this month. I am talking zero, but the stars aligned. The intuition kicked in, and I just went for it. I remember how the morning breeze of a 32 degree morning sung my face and made my eyes immediately water. I said while I was trucking to work on Mi-Mi and FeFe (my two feet) that this was going to be my last month walking from point a to point b because I must.

It is now because I want to. Purchasing my car this month was a reminder that when a door opens, you do not always need a year to plan. You just need the courage to walk through. Whew, and speaking of growth, I have finally started refusing to take things at work so personally. Now I did not know it until I was called out on it by a co-worker. I had to sit back to think about it in my seat, but it registered. You see, with this being in my first year as an educator it has been a whole different beast to tame.

I am learning that a tough day in the classroom is not a reflection of my worth. It is just part of the journey.

I have also doubled down on the fact that my 4:45 AM wake-up call is non-negotiable. That morning routine is not only for my sanity; it sets the entire tone for my children. I know for sure that when I am grounded, they are grounded. On a more personal note, I’ve realized that protecting my peace is a full-time job. I have not even been dating!

However, it seems like men are lining up just to try and waste my time. All I can do is shake my head because I am not taking their bait. It is funny how when you start looking good and leveling up in life, the "distractions" start reaching out! However, I am not moved at all. Finally, I learned yet again that strength is not only about enduring; it is about evolving. I am closing out the month of March feeling more "found" than ever. See you in the next one!

The Characteristics of a Dependable Woman

2026-04-01T21:30:00.001-05:00

You might miss her at first glance. A dependable woman is not flashy. She is unforgettable. She is the quiet force in the background. She is never shouting for attention or applause, although her actions speak volumes. She does not need to broadcast her every move in life.

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Earning respect comes by showing up, time after time. However, when it comes down to real life and I am talking about responsibilities, pressure, unexpected situations happening, she is the woman who always finds a way. She does not strive to do perfectly or without stress. She handles it.

A dependable woman is consistent and present, regardless of being tired or unexpected challenges. Even when nobody is clapping for her behind the scenes she shows up. Her life does not always look worthy. But the show goes on. Her bills get paid. Her kids are taken care of. Her responsibilities are handled. What kind of consistency? That is a quiet form of power.

She doesn’t wait around for people to save her. That’s one of her strongest traits. She understands that support is a blessing, not a guarantee. So instead of sitting in frustration or hoping someone will come through, she moves. She figures it out. She makes calls, creates plans, and puts things in place so her life keeps going forward. That does not mean she does not get overwhelmed, it means she does not stay in a loophole.

A dependable woman is also solution oriented. She does not just sit in the problem while replaying it repeatedly. She may vent. She may feel it, but eventually she shifts into, “Okay, what can I do to make my situation better?” That shift changes everything. That is where her strength shows up the most with not in having a cookie cutter life, but in how she responds when things take a turn for the worst.

She protects her peace by getting things handled before they take her under. She pays attention. She prepares. She sets things up in a way that avoids commotion later. When something does fall through, she adapts fast. That is why people around her start to trust her. Not because she is perfect, but because she is reliable.

Let’s also call a spade a spade and say that being dependable does not mean being taken advantage of. A real dependable woman has boundaries. She knows when to say no. She knows a challenge when she faces it. She realizes quickly that she cannot give her all to others without also taking care of herself. Her reliability begins with prioritizing her own well-being first.

At the end of the day, a dependable woman is not built in easygoing seasons. She is built through moments where she had every reason to fall apart but did not. She is built through figuring things out with limited support, time, and resources. Instead of breaking, she became someone who could be counted on.

If you ask me that is the kind of woman people respect. Respecting her comes with grace because her actions are bold and because her life reflects it.

This Season of My Life Feels Heavy, But I’m Still Showing Up

2026-03-29T22:17:00.000-05:00

Shaking this heaviness of the season away has not been easy. I am not looking to come off in a dramatic way. Plus, I am not carrying this statement in a “everything is falling apart” kind of way. I am serving this in that quiet yet constant way. The way in which you are carrying a lot, thinking about a lot, and still expected to show up like everything is fine. The truth is, I have been overwhelmed.

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I am balancing being a mom of course. That’s the duh factor for many people. I am working in the school system. I am trying to keep everything structured. I am also making decisions that do not affect only me, but my kids too. There is always something that needs my attention. There is always something that needs to be figured out. There is always something that can not wait. Plus, even though I am handling it, that does not mean it is easy.

I think people assume that when you are always so strong, you do not ever feel overwhelmed. However, strength does not cancel out pressure. What it means is that you keep going anyway. This season of my life is requiring more from me. More patience, more discipline, more emotional control, and more responsibility. I am growing. I can see that in many ways. However, I would be lying if I said it does not get exhausting at times.

There are moments where I wish. I am talking for real wishing on a dandelion flower as I blow super hard. I wish that things were a little easier, lighter, and less on my shoulders. I wake up some mornings and still feel tenseness in my upper back and shoulders. Then I give myself a reality check, I know I am building something. I know every decision I am making right now is creating stability for me and my kids. The structure I am putting in place is protecting our future. This version of me is the one figuring it out even when it is difficult, becoming someone stronger than I have ever been.

Therefore, I give myself grace. For the days I feel stretched. For the moments I feel tired, and for the times I do not have all the answers. I know that I still have to move forward anyway. This is not a season of failure. It's the season of becoming.

If you are feeling overwhelmed too, I want you to know you are not behind. You are not doing life wrong. You are in a season that is requiring more from you. Even if it feels heavy right now, you are still showing up, and you are capable of consistency with your efforts. I believe that it counts for more than you think.

He Said No; So I Made a Plan Without Him

2026-03-25T19:31:00.000-05:00

I asked him for help. I genuinely asked with good intentions. Not for everything. Not for anything crazy at all; just something. Life be lifing. I am raising two elementary school aged kids, working, showing up, handling everything like most mothers do. So I asked… and he said no.

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Now a younger version of me would have sat in that. Overthinking, stressing, trying to figure out how to make him understand. I probably would be hoping he would change his mind. I would still be waiting.

However, I am not her anymore. I have learned the hard way that inconsistency will stress you out more than no help at all. I look at it like this when someone is inconsistent, you get stuck in a cycle of maybe they will, maybe they won’t. Maybe today will be different. You are doing all this considering all while your real life still needs structure. Your kids still need to be picked up from school. Your job still expects you to show up. Your bills are still due regardless of how someone else feels that day.

I have already lived through that chaos. I have had my routine disrupted. I have had my stability shaken. I have also had moments where things were pulled from under me at the worst possible time. So this time, I moved differently. I made a plan that did not require him. I was willing to pay what needs to be paid. I am willing to set up what needs to be set up, and create a system that works whether he shows up or not. Peace is expensive. I am willing to pay for it.

Let me say this clearly, I know somebody needs to hear it. Stop building your life around someone who already showed you they are not reliable. That is not strength. It will become self-sabotage dressed up in a nice pair of shoes as hope. This is not about keeping anyone from their kids. It's about consistency. Structure. It is about protecting the life I am building. What I will not do is allow someone to pop in and out when it is convenient for them and leave me to clean up the confusion. Not anymore.

I gave him the opportunity. He said no. I adjusted. No arguing, no begging, and no long paragraphs. My movements were action based. There is power in that kind of decision. The kind of power that speaks where you stop waiting, stop hoping, and finally say, “I got it and it’s going to be alright.”

If you’re in a season where you’re waiting on someone to help you hold things together, let this be your sign. You don’t need their yes to move forward. You need a plan.

He said no… and instead of letting that break me, I built a life that no longer depends on his yes.

The Day I Finally Bought My First Car | And Why Patience Paid Off

2026-03-16T22:28:00.001-05:00

There are some moments that bring that childhood joy out of you. This past Saturday was one of those moments for me. I bought my first car. I am talking about my life ever.

Car Buying Day at The Dealership

Not because someone handed me the keys. Not because someone cosigned. Not because life was convenient for me to do so. But, because I stayed patient.

For a long time, I watched other people move through life with things that seemed easy to gain. Things like cars, convenience, and even independence. Meanwhile, I was budgeting every dollar. I was paying off credit cards. I was raising my kids, working, and trying to build a stable life one step at a time.

Real talk, sometimes that kind of progress feels slow. Slow as hell.

However, slow progress is still progress.

There were moments when I could have rushed the process. I could have made emotional financial decisions. I could have bought something unreliable just to say I had a car.

Instead, I waited.

I paid off my credit cards. I saved money. I planned carefully.

Then, when the right moment came, I walked into the dealership ready.

On Saturday, March 14th, I drove away in my own car.

The feeling was bigger than I expected.

It was not only about transportation. It was about independence. It was about growth. It was about proving to myself that patience does pay off when you stay focused. The first thing I thought about was not even myself.

It was my kids.

That next God given day I took my kids grocery shopping in our car.

We had a safe trip to and from the store. There is also something that might seem small to other people who feel major to me. For me, every step forward I take is about building a better, more stable life for them.

This moment reminded me of something important:

A lot of the blessings we pray for don't show up overnight. The blessings show up after discipline. After patience. After the tears. Once the disbelief fades. Once you have done, have enough of your own shortcomings and you grind harder. Sometimes the most powerful wins are the ones nobody saw you grinding for.

If you’re in a season where life feels slow, keep going.

Your breakthrough might be closer than you think.

Mine came days before spring with four wheels and a key in my hand. I am so grateful.

I Am Not at Work to Be Liked | I Am There to Grow and Level Up

2026-03-08T15:45:00.000-05:00

When a woman knows who she is, that is when she becomes powerful. She is no longer walking into rooms hoping to be accepted, validated or liked. That woman is walking into rooms to build something for her future.

It is true that many of us were taught to believe that being liked at work meant we were doing something right. We thought being friendly, agreeable, and easy going would make our work lives smoother. But the truth is “in my best Fantasia singing voice” workplaces can sometimes feel like high school all over again.

There are cliques.
There is pettiness galore.
There are tight circles that do not always leave room for others.

Then there may be you. Sometimes, if you do not want to be a part of any circle.

You might wonder what it is about you. You may question how you can be more of a team player even if you have already been one. You catch yourself overthinking and then in that moment you value that you did not wake up and come here to compete for popularity. What you came here to do is gain experience, grow, and move forward. See once you shift in thinking it changes everything.

Instead of placing any focus on who is including you in lunch plans or group moments, you start paying attention to things that actually matter. What is that you may ask? The skills you are learning. The experience you are gaining. Oh, and the doors that may open later because you showed up and did your job even on the days you felt defeated. Once you stop chasing approval, you start building into your confidence. It is not the loud kind of confidence that needs attention. Instead, it is the quiet kind of confidence that comes from knowing your purpose.

You begin to understand that not every environment is meant to be your forever place.

Some places are training grounds. They teach you patience. They help you build insight on your character strengths and flaws. They teach you observation. They teach you how to navigate different personalities. Most importantly, they teach you what kind of professional you want to become, and who you do not want to ever gauge into. Every experience, even the uncomfortable ones, becomes part of your story that you are accountable to accept. That way if you ever find yourself feeling like you are standing outside of someone else’s circle at work, remember this:

Your worth is not measured by how many coworkers invite you into their social group. Your worth is measured by the direction your life is moving. You’re not there to win over people with your energy. You are there to gain knowledge, blossom your skills, and position yourself for the next opportunity.

You can also remember that the most powerful move a woman can make is walking into a workplace is to leave your personal views at home. Do not mix your personal life with work and leave the foolery you witness on the playground. Do the work. Learn the lessons. Then move forward when the time is right.

All bosses know that leveling up has never required permission from anyone else in the room.

* This post reflects personal reflections on workplace growth and does not reference any specific employer or individuals.

I Stopped Arguing With Men Who Refuse to Understand Me

2026-02-18T20:00:00.005-06:00

Hey, Sha. Let's sit back and talk, 'cause there's somethin' I just gotta share with ya’, somethin' that’s changed my whole peace of mind. I wanted to touch on how I do not argue anymore. Now, do not be thinkin' I am under someone’s control or a cat got my tongue or anything. Lord knows I still have plenty to say. I am not a weak or scared chick, bless your heart. Nah, the truth is, that it took me some time, but I have learned a valuable lesson about what arguing really is. It is for folks who still think if they just explain it one more time, they will somehow be understood.

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Let me tell you, I am not worn out in any way from tryin' to be understood. Now, I am tryin' to be aligned. See, I used to make a true effort to be heard while in love with your better half meant being a broken record. I am talkin’ about overly explaining my whole self over and over. I thought, 'Maybe if I say it softer this time around, or maybe louder, or with less attitude in my tone, or just with a little more grace, they will finally get it.' But my baby, you cannot, no matter how hard you try, explain yourself into being valued by someone. Once that sunk in, I became mentally exhausted, pure and simple.

I became exhausted from conversations that felt like I was on trial at the courthouse. Exhausted of defendin' my tone of voice. Exhausted of havin' to explain why basic respect is not optional. That respect is a given. Isn’t it? Lord, I was so mentally exhausted from being called "too much" when all I was asking' for was some steady consistency.

So now? I do not argue. I just watch. I observe it as if I am sittin' on the porch and watchin' the storm clouds cascaded sky and bringing a breeze of cool comfort with the air. When I see somethin' that just doesn't sit right in my spirit, that just feels off? I do not fuss. I do not hoot and holler, I just replace it. Energy feelin' off? Replace. Effort lacking along with the communication games? Replace. Excuses taking the place of accountability? Replace. My peace is disturbed? Sha, I replace.

Oh, I am not talking ‘bout replacin' with another man, either. Bless his heart, he would be as confused as ever. I replace with silence. With distance. With discipline in my life. With a better, higher standard. I move this way 'cause I am worth it. That is the part that always catches 'em by surprise. They are sittin' there waitin' for the big reaction. They are expectin' all that drama and emotion. They think they still got easy access to you. But when a woman who used to go ten rounds in an argument goes quiet? That is not weakness, my love. That's a door being slammed and bolted.

I used to think that real chaos meant being able to have emotional empathy. If it was not loud and dramatic and full of tears, well, it must not be the real deal, right? However, peace feels somethin' else entirely. If you have been addicted to all that adrenaline, peace can feel hella boring. It feels strange when you are even used to living in survival mode. However, peace does not kiss ass. Peace does not chase after nobody. Peace sure do not argue from any disagreement that may arise.

Peace sits right there. It is steady as a rock, and says, "You either going to come correct or not come at all." I have finally decided I like that kind of love a whole heap better. The kind that does not require you to put on a performance. The kind that does not need you to prove your own worth. The kind that does not feel like you are on a damn stage in a dark auditorium auditioning' for a role you already were qualified for the whole time.

So my reader, I am wrapping this post up saying that I am not hard to love. I finally stopped goin' back and forth with people who were overall committed to misunderstanding me. In this chapter, I do not argue. I replace. If that makes me a little "different" than I used to be? Well, good. 'Cause different women get different, and much better, results.

The Version of Me You Had Access to Is Gone

2026-02-17T09:08:00.005-06:00

Hey, honey, pull up a chair. Grab you a glass of lemonade or maybe somethin’ a little stronger (I won’t tell). Let me tell you a story ‘bout a guh you used to know. Of course, she is me, but a few lifetimes back. If this feels a little too much like sittin’ on a back porch swing after supper time, well, honey, that’s exactly the vibe I’m goin’ for.

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I used to be the queen of over-explainin’. Lord have mercy! If there was a misunderstanding floatin’ in the air, I would chase it down like folks do the sweets lady after church service for their fix. I figured… if I just talked enough, loved hard enough, stayed real calm, and outlasted a southeast Louisiana summer then folks would finally see my heart and handle it with delicacy.

But Sha’ bless my heart, I was wrong as hell.

Not ‘cause I didn’t care. Not ‘cause I wasn’t sweeter than pecan candy. But you know what? If you do not make people step up and grow, they will keep on takin’ the easy road. That is straight through your kindness.

The Girl Who Explained Herself to Death

I used to think clarity was the magic dippin’ sauce. So, there I was, sendin’ novels for texts. I was layin’ my soul bare like biscuits on Sunday mornin’ before you based them with salted butter. I thought that if I gave ‘em the whole recipe, they would stop actin’ confused.

What I did not get then, sha’, is some folks just enjoy the confusion. If misunderstandin’ keeps them in the driver’s seat, then do not be surprised if they never wanna read the map. It is not about clarity. It is about control.

So now? Whew, I don’t chase after misunderstandings anymore. If you twist my words, bless your heart, but I am not placing any of my energy into untanglin’ ‘em for you.

The Peacemaker (With a Side of Grits)

Lord knows I used to soak up tension like cornbread soppin’ up some good ole chili. I did this just to keep the peace. I would swallow my words. Soften my tone. I even let folks treat me any ol’ way, thinkin’ that was me being “the bigger person.” Turns out, keepin’ the peace don’t mean lettin’ folks do that damn Cupid Shuffle all over your spirit in muddy boots or lemon pepper steppas na’.

Real peace means not sacrificin’ your own comfort so someone else can keep playin’ messy in theirs. These days, I do not set myself on a burning fire to keep someone else warm.

The Girl Who Waited (and Waited…)

Lawd, I waited for apologies so long I coulda crocheted a king size blanket. I waited for someone to show up the way I did for them to finally match my intentions. But let me tell you, when someone is able, they do not keep you sittin’ in the parkin’ lot with the engine runnin’. They jump out, arms wide and with a smile ready to meet you.

The guh who waited? She doesn’t live here anymore.

Access Expired (And I Didn’t Even Slam the Door)

I didn’t write a big ol’ announcement or throw confetti around for the moment. I… stopped reachin’ out. Did not call. Did not chase. Plus, add this you did know it, but when I quit dancin’ and entertaining for dysfunction, the music became real awkward real fast. Turns out, when you don’t play, folks gotta face their own noise.

This Season’s Got a Different Swing to It

These days, I’m guardin’ my time like a mechanic who works on ole school rides in his driveway for a living. I do not put all my business out for everybody to see. I am softer, sure, but baby, do not confuse that for weak. I do not have to holler about my growth. My peace settles in and speaks for itself.

Let me tell you, that is the strongest I have ever felt.

If You’re Feelin’ a Shift, Too…

Maybe you’re postin’ a little less, arguin’ a little less, explainin’ a whole lot less. Maybe you’re lettin’ folks brew in their own confusion instead of jumpin’ in to fix it with a spoonful of sugar and hugs.

Postin’ less
Arguin’ less
Explainin’ less
Reactin’ less
Allowin’ folks to sit in their own mess

Sha’, you ain’t cold. You are growin’, and let me just say, it looks good on you. You had to be the guh who tolerated chaos. Bless her, so now you can eye it a mile away and steer clear without hesitation.

Growth means lettin’ some things (and some people) just expire. I am talkin’ like milk left out in the sun. Do not waste your patience on folks who only liked you back when you were easier to handle.

This new you? She’s here ‘cause you love yourself good and true. Not outta bitterness, but ‘cause you finally stopped handin’ out all-access passes to folks who never deserved ‘em from the beginning.

Access expired, baby. Peace moved right in. Peace had put her feet up and made herself at home.

If this hits you right in the depth of your heart, pass it along. We’re all just tryin’ to grow, love ourselves better, and keep our peace a little spicier than it was yesterday.

Why Loving Yourself First Is the Ultimate Love Story And How to Celebrate It This Valentine’s Day

2026-02-11T19:30:00.004-06:00

Valentine’s Day used to hit me like a bluesy saxophone on a gentle New Orleans night. It reminded me of what was not there. I had thoughts about what hadn’t happened yet. I was even plagued with thoughts of love should look by now. But honey, this year, there is a whole different rhythm in the air.

Valentine’s Day will feel different when you already know you are the main character in your own parade.

It is not about someone showing up with roses or an over-the-top dinner reservation down in the French Quarter. Would it be nice? Hell, yeah. However, it is about me showing up for myself every single day. I am talking about the kind of unwavering devotion you see in a second line procession. Somewhere between king cake and café au lait, I realized love is not something I am waiting on. It is the very beat I am stepping to.

I have come to understand that love is not about grand gestures or fleeting attention. It is discipline. It is having your own back when the crowd’s gone home. It is talking sweet to yourself on the tough days. Oh, it is also protecting your peace even when it would be easier to let loneliness sneak in like a mime dancing to Mardi Gras Mambo.

This season of my life? It is all about choosing myself in small, soulful ways that do not call for applause. Keeping my bills paid on time, because ain’t nobody got time for late fees! Resting when my body needs it, the way a bayou breeze calms the evening. Creating routines that nurture the woman I am becoming. Walking away from conversations and people who rattle up my spirit like an out-of-tune zydeco band.

That is love, Louisiana-style.

I have also learned that romanticizing your life does not mean playing pretend that everything is somehow perfect. It is finding beauty in stability. It is enjoying the sweetness of quiet nights. It is the comfort of steady progress. Plus, it is confidence that comes when you refuse to trade your peace for anyone’s validation. It is knowing you will never abandon yourself just for a flicker of attention.

This Valentine’s Day is not about proving anything to the world. It is about honoring the journey. The bayous I have crossed. The storms I have weathered. The strength I have found along the way. The love I used to chase down Decatur Street was always meant to start within. Because of that, my standards are higher now. They are not harsher, clearer, like a Louisiana morning after a hard shower of rain.

I am not waiting to be chosen anymore. I have already picked myself. I’m talkin’ beads and all.

Here is the real lagniappe; When love comes knocking on my door again, it will be the spice in my gumbo; not the whole roux. An addition. A pleased extra which is not a necessity. Only because I have already laid the foundation strong as a comfort meal on a Sunday after church.

As Valentine’s Day drifts by, I am bringing this rooted, soulful love straight into every season. That is especially to the ones filled with celebration. I am learning that happiness does not have to be loud to be true. Plus, fun does not have to cost me my peace of mind. With Mardi Gras right around the corner, I find myself thinking about how I celebrate these days. I am also thinking about why protecting my energy is now a cherished part of my tradition. Laissez les bons temps rouler, but only if it feels right in my soul.

Let That Bayou Magic Lead: My Sizzlin’ January Lessons

2026-02-01T18:30:00.002-06:00

Down here in Louisiana, I have learned not to waste my breath trying to drag folks where they don’t wanna go. Here are a few things that I have learned in the month of January to carry me along the way for this year in no order.

If someone’s stubborn as a cypress stump, then why wear yourself out? Save your spark for what ignites your excitement.

Show up bold, show up proud, and cher in your own way. Learn how to better show up for you! This is your Mardi Gras celebration, so toss those beads however you please!

When your mind starts racing like gators down in the bayou, crank up that zydeco or bounce music. Let the rhythm use you to carry those crazy ass thoughts away. You’re bound to overthink, Sha, but let the music beat soothe you.

Listen, when life gets heavy, grab a word search puzzle book and let your mind wander a bit. Sometimes you gotta let your brain stretch out like mama had to do those leftovers for a few days.

You already have everything you need, sha. Walk tall, move with intention. Let the world see you glow. Your confidence is spicier than a hot bowl of seafood jambalaya. Do not forget it.

Keep your words short and sweet, like a good piece of pecan candy. There is no need to explain yourself to anybody. Your energy is gold! Sha, do not spend it on what does not feed you.

Let’s get one thing straight as well. Putting yourself first is not selfish. It is wise to do. Let this year start and end with your well-being prioritized. Like Mama always says, “You can’t pour from an empty gumbo pot, baby.”

Do not neglect that glow! Invest in your smile, your skin, and lord knows, your crown! Every southern queen deserves to radiate from head to toe.

Oh, and yes, rock that promise ring on your left hand every single day! That is your sacred pledge to love yourself through thick and thin and I am talking through the storms and sunshine.

An apple a day might keep the doctor away. But down here, we toss in a little cayenne pepper just for the kick. Keep it spicy, keep it true, and let that Louisiana magic lead you all the way through February.

Stay bold, stay beautiful, and remember this; the bayou is in your blood and the world is yours, ‘sha!

Song for the month that I had on replay this month:

Farewell to 32: Lessons Learned Before Turning 33

2026-01-30T05:30:00.007-06:00

Season 30 Ep 3

Looking Back: My 32nd Year

As I reflect on this moment in the threshold of turning 33, I find myself looking over my journal entries and photos deeply on everything this past year has brought into my life. I have made it through many unexpected challenges. I have overcome this past year so many moments that have reshaped my view of change. Many of these moments strengthened my boundaries and reminded me to cherish both growth and the woman I was becoming.

Saying goodbye to 32 is bittersweet. It feels much like swirling a glass of well-aged, sweet red wine and bringing it to my nose; breathing in an aromatic blend of gratitude for the experiences gained, nostalgia for the moments that have passed, and excitement for the future that lies ahead.

This transition holds richness and complexity. It reminds me to savor the journey especially as I move forward into a new year of life. 2025 was more than just another lap around the park; it was a year filled with growth, challenges, and transformative moments. In this blog post, I want to share the lessons that shaped me over the past twelve months. I am hoping that they will resonate with others navigating their own journeys.

Lesson One: Embracing Change

If there’s one thing 2025 taught me, it is that change is inevitable. Resisting change only leads to frustration. This year, I saw firsthand how friendships evolve, careers shift, and priorities realign. I learned to welcome change as a sign of life moving forward. Change was not something to fear. Letting go of control. Accepting that some things are solely out of my hands was a breakthrough. It allowed me to breathe easier. I started to move with grace through uncertain moments.

Lesson Two: The Power of Boundaries

I realized that setting boundaries is not selfish. It was essential. Whether in work, relationships, or my own self-care, 32 was the year I started saying “no” more often. I started saying “yes” to things that genuinely mattered to me. This shift helped me conserve energy. That meant enjoying my phone being on DND more and focusing on what truly brings me peace and fulfillment.

Lesson Three: Prioritizing Mental Health

This past year, I became deeply aware of the importance of tending to my mental health. I did not get a therapist through. I visited my knees with quite moments that I had honest conversations with God and in those moments, it became pillars of my routine. I learned that asking for help from even God a sign of strength. It is not weakness. In those vulnerability moments it can open doors to deeper connection and healing.

Lesson Four: Cherishing Small Moments

2025 taught me the value of everyday life. The laughter shared over the dinner table with my kids, the quiet nights once my kids go to bed, the simple act of being a sound and listening ear for others. In these small moments they proved to be the cherished moments of a meaningful life. I learned that happiness is not always found in heroic achievements but often in just being present. I look at it like this if I’m present enough to notice then I am grateful.

Lesson Five: Investing in Growth

This year, I challenged myself to step out of my comfort zone. Once I was laid off from my job I invested in my hobbies. I traveled around the city to unfamiliar places. I even had small talk (something I hate to do), but initiated conversations that scared me with strangers to make them smile. Each time I stretched beyond what felt safe, I discovered new factors of myself and grew in confidence. Growth, I realized, is a lifelong commitment even in my early 30’s.

Lesson Six: Gratitude as a Practice

More than ever, I have learned that gratitude is not just an emotion. Gratitude is practice. When I started making time each day to acknowledge the good in my life, I had become more resilient. This was all done in the face of adversity. Gratitude has helped me find purpose in everyday life and meaning in the mess. Gratitude strengthens the plot twist for Jesus.

Looking Ahead: Welcoming 33

As I prepare to blow out the candles and step into my 33rd year, I carry these lessons with me. I am eager to embrace all that is to come. I am excited. Hopeful. I am proud of the person I’m becoming. Goodbye, 32! Thank you for the wisdom, growth, and the memories. Here is to 33, and the new explorations that are waiting for me to unlock with each new season.

If you are also reflecting on your year, I would love to hear what you have learned and what you are looking forward to. Let’s celebrate growth together!

Why I’m Not Ashamed of My Timeline

2026-01-27T11:00:00.003-06:00

Listen, let me talk to you straight. I’m talkin’ real southern, sugar cane stalk and all, because there is no shame in my timeline. I am not sugarcoating a thing.

For the longest time, I did not even clock how much quiet shame I was carrying about when stuff happened in my life. Nobody had to say a word to me about it. However, comparison slinks in, slick as cooking oil poured onto the shopping aisle onto the grocery store floor.

You scroll, you see what’s getting a lot of other folks attention on social media. You see the highlight reels, and next thing you know, you are mentally sizing up your own story like it is short a chapter or two. Hell, maybe three.

Suddenly, you catch yourself wondering, “Did I mess up? Did I waste years of my life? "Does my life mean I am forever trying to catch up with folks who look like they got their act together on social media?”

Baby, let me tell you something, I used to think I was dragging behind too. But the older I get, the more clarity I gain. I know now that timelines are not anyone-size-fits-all. Mine was carved out of grit. Survival. Mine also showcase the meaning of learning when the world said, "Get it how you live!" It was not about hustlin' when it felt comfortable or convenient.

There is not a dot of shame in growing up fast when you are dealt a hand that says, “Grow up or get DF.”

Some of us did not get handed soft landings or gentle mornings. We learned to bounce back before we ever learned how to slow down and exhale. Commitment came long before freedom gave us permission to dream. We stitched our lives together with ragged hope and kept it moving. That does not make our lives less. It makes every bit of it deep. Intentional and rooted in truth.

I am done with rushing to prove myself. I do not need to check off milestones on somebody else’s schedule. I refuse to measure my worth against somebody else’s walk of life. I laid down the heavy load of “catching up” and picked up the grace of “living on purpose.”

It is not a damn thing lost here. Every version of me from being young, tired, crazy AF, or worn was doing her damned best with whatever she had. This woman standing here today?

Well, she is built from all those chapters. Even the rough ones. It is the rough chapters that taught me discernment, boundaries, and how to fight for my peace like it’s Sunday dinner and I am knocking my people out the way to get to the last slice of sweet potato pie to take home.

Healing is not on a timer. Growth does not require an audience clapping in the front row. Starting over does not mean you are starting from scratch. What it means to me is that you are starting with wisdom already tucked under your belt.

So no, I’m not ashamed of my timeline. I am not a victim of the heavy responsibilities, the detours, or the times I had to rebuild from brokenness. I move like a woman who knows her worth. Who has earned her softness, her peace, and her right to choose herself over appearances every time.

This is what it looks like when a southern black woman stops rushing to live and starts honoring it. This is what it means to grow at your own damn pace. My roots are deep and wings are ready. This is where She’s Found Strength, and baby, I am serving it up with a little extra spice, a little extra soul, and all the intention in the world. You best believe your story's cooking up something real good too.

I Grew Up Early, Not Wrong

2026-01-26T11:00:00.002-06:00

Let me lay it out, just as handwashed clothes with Ivory soap were placed on a clothesline to dry on a warm summer’s day. For years, I carried this quiet pressured weight wondering if tying the knot at 20 meant I was falling behind. Never spoke about it out loud. I let the thought settle deep. Often it showed up every time I caught myself measuring my life against somebody else’s highlight reel.

'Cause, my baby on paper it looked like I took one sad ass detour. Young bride. Grown-up bills. Greener than a tropical rain forest somewhere in south America. The lessons I learned were heavier than a sack of wet grits at an age most folks are still out here finding themselves.

But let me set the record straight: I did not get left behind. I got a head start. Insert a wink right here. 😉

At 20, I was still blooming, still learning what “no” felt like on my lips. I was still figuring out who I was outside of just surviving. Marriage did not wreck me. It stripped me bare emotionally. It cranked the heat up on my growth. It pushed me to be wise before I was unaware of my glow. Marriage asked me for grown woman strength even when I was still just a girl trying to find her rhythm.

I learned to survive before I learned how to give up. I learned to hustle through chaos before I learned how to truly rest. Oh, and that isn’t a mistake, honey. That’s the lessons arriving early like that hot coffee brewing before the sun comes up.

See, everything a lot of folks are now figuring out in their 30s and 40s about how to love themselves, how to set boundaries, how to choose peace over drama, shit, I was wrestling with all that in real time. There were no easy outs for me. I had no safety net. It was only me. I had two babies watching, and my heart pounding through every relentless moment.

You know what? I am still standing. Still patching up my dreams. Still pouring into myself with more intention. I have more southern spice than ever before.

I didn’t waste time, honey. I found my simplicity. I know what drains me. I know what real love requires. I know peace is something I would not ever negotiate away. Plus, best believe, I will never shrink myself again just to showcase for an aesthetic.

Some folks wander before they wake up. Then, there are people like me that get shaken awake ‘cause wandering costs too damn much. I was never late. I got my lessons early. I let them sharpen me up. Grew roots before I even dreamed of wings.

Now? Well, I walk with boldness. Now I choose softness on purpose. I have learned how to own my truth. Now I have built a life that is solid. A life that is mine, that fits me like my favorite pair of painted on jeans. Yes, I am talking about the painted-on jeans that Remy Ma was rapping about in her hit song Conceited.

Okay, so do not let anybody tell you it is a late start, friend. This right here, this is a strong beginning. If you are reading this feeling a little lost or a little behind, listen to me. You aren’t. You are growing your roots. Roots… so your wings can take you higher. That is a southern truth, sassed up and served fresh.

Keep on, keepin’ on! Your story’s getting even better.

I Bought Myself an Engagement Ring with No Man Involved

2026-01-25T22:54:00.001-06:00

Waiting to be chosen again...was never the plan.

This year, before my birthday came around, I did not sit my ass down waiting for some dude to promise me forever. Nah, my girl, I made that promise to myself. Real talk, I went and slid a ring on my own finger. It is crazy ‘cause I have not sported a ring on my ring finger that meant something since the fall of 2022. This time around I wanted to purchase an engagement ring. Not ‘cause I was pressed to be chosen or lonely.

I damn sho’ have not given up on love. I finally got it down pack. The first person who should be getting my loyalty, my energy, and my commitment is my damn self in all ways and always. I must be mentally and emotionally pouring into my children as well. So, they can clock that!

Let me break it down for you. For way too long, I was out here pouring my love into everybody else. I would fight the urge to say no, because I did not want this and that person upset me. It was a repeat routine of my own bullshit. It was showing up, holding it down, believing in potential, and being loyal to a fault.

I played the waiting game hella well. I bent and stretched, sacrificed, and loved hard. Hell, sometimes it is so hard that I self-sabotage myself out of my own needs. You know what? I don’t regret being that woman with a heart as big as the south. But best believe, I see now how I kept skipping over myself in the process. No more. Big grown woman moves only from here on out.

Worn on my right hand and not left

Let me tell y’all something, straight up and with all the southern sass I have deep within me this ring isn’t me waiting on any knight in shining armor. Or me waiting on that 6’1 buyin’ me whatever I want ass ni**a 😚 Glorilla is rapping about on her song ‘Typa!’

Nah, it’s me saluting the woman who made it through, all by her lonesome.

Every sparkle on this ring stands for a night I fixed myself up when silence was louder than any “How you feelin’?” This ring is for every time I drew a line after getting played. For every time, I let my heart go soft again after life tried to turn it frozen. It is for the woman who finally picked peace over drama. That woman who now prefer rest over hustling for approval, and real alignment over forged validation.

When I see this ring, I see my loyalty and not to some fantasy. I see the good, real-life chapters I am mentally and physically writing. I am done shrinking. Chasing. I am for damn sure not explaining why I am enough. I show up for myself, every damn day. Financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually! I pour into my cup first therefore it stays overflowing.

This ring is proof that I’m already chosen. Already worthy. Already whole. Baby, if one day someone wants to slide their promise next to mine, it will be ‘cause they match the life I built. It will not be ‘cause I needed saving. Instead, it will be ‘cause I was already standing tall on my own.

This is what owning your story looks like. Loud. Proud. Southern-grown and heart-strong. Put some respect on it, sugar! You are worth it all and then some!

Currently, self-love for me is deliberate. Evident. Self-love comes without reservation. It basically indicates that I am not meant to limit myself.

She’s Found Strength isn’t just a name… it’s a lifestyle.

And this ring?

It is proof.

Why I Chose My Maiden Name Online

2026-01-20T21:48:00.004-06:00

I see you stopped by. It is good that you are here. See, I wanted to share something personal that’s been brewing for a while. Brewing like dark roast espresso beans on a slow-paced Sunday morning. A Sunday morning when it feels like all you have is peace in the light of the day. You know how sometimes a small online shift can spark real change? Well, after months of consideration, I finally decided to update my Instagram handle to reflect my maiden name.

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I'm telling you; something rushed upon my spirit today. This decision has been on my mind since the fall of last year. Frankly, I was genuinely eager to make the change.

I was not looking to make the change out of anger, not out of spite. This change was made from a desire for refreshment. A quiet facelift. An improvement to how I show up online. Social media, for me, is a creative space. It is where my writing lives. Where my visual storytelling takes shape. Where I get to decide how I am seen. Stepping into my maiden name online felt like the most natural next step.

Look, in the real world, I am still Linda Hurd. That is the name of all the serious stuff. I am talking about work emails, paperwork, parent-teacher conferences, you name it. It is what my kids go by too. No lie, that means the world to me. I am not out here trying to untangle that or pretend it does not exist. There is a kind of chill acceptance in just letting some things stay the same, you know? But the internet? Oh, that is a whole different vibe.

Online is where I create. Where I write freely. Where I build, reflect, and document my becoming. For this version of me, returning to my maiden name, which is Patrick, felt grounding. Familiar. Mine. It was not about erasing a past chapter; it was about choosing how I move forward.

This change was not some random, sleep-deprived or tipsy ass decision. Nah, this was intentional as hell. I needed my online vibe to be fresh. Lighter, cleaner, and realigned with the woman I am right now. Call it a reset, baby. Not a damn crisis. I do not owe anybody a damn explanation for it, either. I am grown enough to know sometimes real growth does not come with a round of applause or high fives. Sometimes it is a chill-ass name change, a deep breath, and the lowkey freedom that comes with it.

Listen, in the world of bills, emails, and showing up to handle business at my bank branches, I am still Linda Hurd. No shame in that game. That is the name that is on all the grown-up paperwork. It is the same name my kids shout when they want snacks or anything else. But online? Please. That space is mine to play, create, and tell my story my way.

So, meet Linda Patrick, the version of me who is done trying to match the ‘gram to my government name. I am not here for that shit. At thirty-three and rolling into my fourth year as a divorced woman, I am over that old pressure. Both Linda's are real. There is no AI version of me. Both are true. Plus, I am not asking for permission to slip to move forward.

This move is not about running away or hiding from anything. This move is about reclaiming my name and my damn self. If you feel me, you feel me then. Get on board or get the hell out of my way.

The Year I Stopped Explaining Myself

2026-01-09T09:00:00.001-06:00

I want to share something real with you. There was a time in my life when every boundary I tried to set felt like it needed a whole story. It was as if I had to justify my feelings or decisions with paragraphs of explanation. I used to think that if I verbally made myself clear enough, people would understand, and respect me and my mind. However, here is the thing I did not see back then was the folks who benefited from me not having boundaries? They are not confused when you finally set them. What happens is that they are annoyed. They get flustered because it is no longer as convenient for them.

This year, I decided to stop explaining myself.

It is not because I have become detached or distant. It is not about hardening up. It is because I finally realized that being clear does not mean I owe anyone a justification. Sometimes “no” is all that needs to be said. There are no extra words, no footnotes. Silence can be an answer. Creating space can be the response someone needs. Plus, most importantly, I learned that my peace does not have to be defended.

Shit, I used to think that leveling up meant I had to get better at spilling my truth and explaining every little feeling I had. At one point, yeah, that was important. But you know what is even more real? Figuring out when you do not need to say a damn thing. Not every vibe needs any play-by-play. Then, not every weird feeling needs to be hashed out. Some stuff; you just live it! You don’t gotta broadcast it.

Honestly, what shifted for me was not my ability to care about folks. What shifted was how I started stopping that old habit of downing myself just so people could relate to my pain. I realized I was burning out. I was always trying to make my needs sound nice and easy for people who already made up their minds not to show up for me. I would water down my truth so it would not hit too hard. I would verbally start downing myself just so the convo would not get awkward. I would explain my boundaries as if I was asking for permission. I was not laying down the law.

Real talk, about that whole routine? It drained me. I am done playing small and downing myself for anybody else’s comfort.

This year, I’m moving differently, for real. I am allowing my actions to speak for me. My consistency will be convincing. I am done putting on a show. If you are supposed to be here, you will feel the vibe and fall in line. There will be no need for a whole speech.

Motherhood taught me this quick. When you gotta look out for your babies and heal up your own sh*t, you realize energy is everything. I cannot waste my time on drama or explaining myself to folks who ain’t even listening. My kids do not need a mama who’s running herself ragged trying to please everybody. They need to see what self-respect looks like. They will see how to keep calm, and how to set things straight without all the noise.

On the real, I need that too.

I do not over-explain why I need to chill anymore. I do not break down why access to me is on lock. I do not go back and forth with people who only wanna misunderstand and twist things up. I do not share my life with women who find it to be their entertainment.

The woman I am becoming knows boundaries are not brick walls. Boundaries are like filters, you understand me. They do not shut out love; they keep it safe. They clear a path for real ones who give back and do not come through to take. For connections that feed your soul. Not the connections that add to the mess.

Listen, don’t get it chopped and screwed. It is not that I stopped caring. I still care; I just move differently now. I put my heart where it is deserved. I place my time where it counts. I pick who gets my real talk and who gets left on read, you understand me?

Here is the real: when you quit explaining yourself to folks, life gets way quieter. Hell, sometimes hella lonely to the point it may feel a little spooky, but way more solid. Your circle gets tight. However, the vibes? Way more real. You start living for you, not for a damn audience that sticks around.

I am not out here proving nothing. I am just living so raw, so straight-up, I do not gotta break it down for nobody. If you feel like stepping back, then do that. If you wanna put up boundaries without feeling bad, then do that. Let your actions talk. That instinct? It ain’t selfish at all. That is wisdom. That is growth, for real.

You do not owe explanations to folks who do not respect your peace. You do not owe access to people who treat you like you ain’t worth much. Sometimes the realest thing you can say is nothing. That is my vibe this year is moving silently, protecting my energy, and letting them wonder.

Starting the Year as the Woman I Fought to Become

2026-01-08T21:41:00.002-06:00

There is no need to sink into January begging God to shift everything for you. For me I am not entering this year in a hopeful or fragile way. I am entering it rooted. Steady. Clear. For you, my reader She’s Found Strength is not only a blog title anymore. My blog is a lived experience. This year does not begin with resolutions scribbled down in pencil. It begins with boundaries written in ink.

In my twenties, I used to start new year’s exhausted from surviving the last one. I was emotionally depleted. I was over-explaining, giving, and extending myself to people who never planned to meet me halfway.

As I reflect, strength, back then, presented itself as endurance. I was used to staying. Tolerating. Pushing through. However, strength evolves. In my thirties, strength is looking a lot like discernment with silence. In my thirties, I am walking away without a speech. Strength these days is about choosing peace even when chaos adds a little razzle dazzle to the plot at times.

As I am going into the third chapter of my thirties, I am not romanticizing struggle. I will not allow myself to become a product of my surroundings. I will be honoring consistency. I am honoring the sometimes-overlooked discipline of showing up for myself daily. I have learned that healing does not feel poetic every time or comes as a hug of warm embrace. Healing can feel questionable. Repetitive. Lonely. However, that is where real blossoming happens. The change takes place in the mundane routines that rebuild your self-trust and commitment at the same time.

Nowadays, I realize that strength is also about honoring my intuition. I am learning how to set boundaries that protect my well-being. These days are no longer about proving my worth to others. Instead of that I am focused on nurturing myself in many ways while embracing the quiet confidence that comes with self-respect.

My blog is coming into this year with intention and calmness. I am no longer rushing to explain myself or my boundaries. I am hiding my truth for the sake of others’ opinions. Now, I understand that true peace is quiet. True peace does not need validation. Once, I believed that true strength was about being constantly emotionally available. I thought it meant being always open, receptive, and forgiving.

Now, I understand that access to my emotions is a privilege. Having access to my emotions is not something automatic. This year, I have guarded my energy. I have learned how to better budget my time. I have also learned how to enforce boundaries for my presence. These changes are not signs of coldness. These are signs that reflect self-respect.

You know, I have realized that I do not have to choose between being a mom, having dreams that keep me awake most nights, enjoying my own company, or taking care of myself. I can now see how they all fit together now. I am also not sorry about it. I used to think I had to give up one thing to honor another. However, that is not true by a long shot. I can be caring but still know how to give a flying f*%k.

I can be gentle and strong at the same time. I can want romance but also speak my mind on how I want to create teachable moments on how to love me. I want love in my life. However, that does not mean putting up with disrespect and piss poor communication. I believe if I want more out of life, I do not owe anyone an explanation for why I deserve it.

Honestly, as we go deeper into this year, I want you to know that She’s Found Strength is still going to be that real, safe space for us. This is not about putting on a show or pretending we have it all together. Here, we can talk about healing without making it sound pretty or easy. We are going to celebrate setting boundaries. We are not going to mix up being feminine with losing ourselves just to keep someone else happy. Plus, you know what? If you need to start over, that is not a failure! It is clarity. Clarity that is finally catching up with your courage. That is the energy I’m bringing. I am letting you know that you are always welcome here with me.

Listen, I’m not stepping into this year with something to prove to any damn body. I am here to protect what truly matters. What is that? What manners? Well, my peace, my kids’ sense of security, my creativity, my voice, and the future I am building. The bravest thing I’ve learned. It would be how to choose myself constantly without feeling guilty. Even when it is uncomfortable. Even when it gets lonely. Whew! Especially then, cause some of these nights have yo’ girl rocking back and forth on the sofa replaying the craziest of memories.

So, if you are coming into this year feeling a little worn out, but a whole lot wiser…feelin’ like you are ready to love, but way too good at goodbyes… maybe speaking less, but realizing your power? You belong here. You are not late. You are not broken. You are growing! You are blossoming right here with me. Therefore, in case you need to want to read it, “The fact that you are still standing, still giving it your all, still reaching for better? That is real strength. You have embraced it. You discovered it right when you needed it most.

Emotional Depth Is Rare in a Loud Dating Culture

2025-12-30T10:00:00.002-06:00

Imagine a dating culture conquered by snakes, no constant stimulation and sexual bravado. Can it get worse? Well, let’s add performative confidence and no emotional depth. This is the awful reality that many people have faced within the status of dating, and it has become almost unrecognizable. Of times, attention is mistaken for intention.

Chemistry with someone is treated as commitment. Oh, and the speed of texting quickly is rewarded over discernment. In circumstances influenced by hypersexual messaging and instant gratification, specifically in the South, the loudest presence often gets the most validation. However, volume of tone has never been a reliable indicator of substance. When we touch on emotional depth it is by contrast silent. Emotional depth comes off too much as inconvenient and intensely countercultural.

Diving in with a sociological standpoint there are many ways emotional depth requires what modern dating actively discourages. Having traits such as patience, self-regulation, and mutual accountability are overlooked. Research that has been done on attachment and relational satisfaction shows that secure connections are built through consistency and emotional availability. This means that secure relationships are not built on intensity alone.

However, intensity is easier to sell and market. It feels thrilling, acknowledging, and quick. Overall, emotional depth asks distinct questions. Does this person lead with words or actions? Do their words align with their actions? Are they curious about my reality, or only interested in access? These questions do not age well in a culture addicted to chemistry.

One of the most uncomfortable truths I have learned is that emotional depth often feels “uninteresting” at first. This is not because it lacks passion, but because it does not have chaos. There are no dopamine spikes from unpredictability. There is no adrenaline rush from hot-and-cold behavior.

There is no confusion concealed as attraction. When it comes to the people conditioned by hypersexual music and fast-paced dating norms stability can feel unfamiliar. Stability can be mistaken for disinterest. However, unfamiliarity does not mean wrong. It means your nervous system is adapting to something healthier.

Emotional depth means pausing rather than seeking approval. Emotional depth is more about watching rather than explaining and setting boundaries without needing to defend them. Having emotional depth calls for being able to embody emotional literacy.

Emotional literacy strengthens the ability to name feelings, to not tolerate discomfort, and engage in honest communication without performance. Having depth does not require perfection.

However, it does require presence. You cannot fake it, rush it, or fabricate it through appearance or sexual availability.

It is showcased in how someone listens. You can witness it in how they repair after conflict. Plus, it is displayed in how they remain consistent when there is nothing to gain immediately.

This current dating scene has genuine emotional depth as it can be overshadowed and maybe that is intentional. Genuinely emotional depth is not designed to impress the masses. It is designed to prolong connections.

Choosing to evoke emotional depths can be a better option for stronger alignment. Choosing intentional relationships over performative desire may give off the feeling of isolation. However, it leads to greater clarity. Therefore, in a dating climate that confuses interference with intimacy, emotional depth is not just rare, it is groundbreaking.

Southern Dating Is Loud, Sexual, and Emotionally Shallow

2025-12-26T10:00:00.011-06:00

How Hypersexual Music and Culture Shape Who Gets Chosen, and Who Gets Ignored

Shake, shimmy, twerk, or pop that thang! When it comes to dating in Southeast Louisiana it exists at the intersection of culture, rhythm, and spectacle. Hypersexual music does not play lowly in the background here. Hypersexual music socializes here.

It teaches before parents’ finish talking. It speaks through the speakers of phones before schools’ finish warning, and before dating even begins. The lyrics to head bobbing beats reduce intimacy to evoke access. The lyrics then spark a sexual connection to performance which then transforms desire into currency and attention into validation.

Sociologically speaking, this environment reinforces a transactional dating culture. Before your eyes our bodies are marketed with lust. Emotional labor is undervalued. The instant gratification is mistaken for compatibility.

Within this framework, women are subtly coached to choose between two extremes. These two extremes are to be visibly sexual or be functionally invisible. When it comes to modesty, while it is often praised in theory, it occupies trivial social capital. In a culture where desirability is measured by visibility and response modesty takes a shallow seat in a cold corner.

I learned early during my post-divorce dating that being reserved did not make me “highly regarded” in the way I was promised by dating coaches. As a matter of fact, modesty made me overlooked.

Not protected. Not pursued. Overlooked.

I have learned that hypersexual music does not reward nuance. Hypersexual music rewards immediacy. When dating norms are influenced by background music that prioritize consumption over curiosity this is how patience becomes a liability rather than a virtue.

What was even more disturbing was understanding that whether I made myself more acceptable or acted out a specific sexuality whenever expected, it led to the same sense of emptiness. With this experience the approaches were reactive and were molded by expectation rather than identity. There has been research on self-concept and relational satisfaction. The research shows that authenticity predicts longer-term relational stability.

However, this culture hardly leaves space for authenticity to air out. When it comes to being yourself, it disrupts a system designed for surface-level engagement. Being yourself demands a high-level emotional maturity and discernment instead of dopamine. I believe that this alone filters out people who were never equipped for depth.

Over these past three years, I have come to understand that authenticity is not a silent rebellion. Authenticity is a form of power. In a hypersexualized dating scene, being yourself becomes an act of resistance. It takes a sure level of self-awareness to refuse to become flattened into a lyric or reduced to a moment.

I no longer confuse modesty with moral superiority or exposure with liberation.

Calling a spade a spade is easy when one knows that neither of the two guarantees fulfillment. What does guarantee fulfillment? Self-alignment. When your presentation matches your internal truth, you stop auditioning and start selecting. You select wisely. You stop asking to be chosen. You start observing who can choose well and wholeheartedly.

Therefore, Southeast Louisiana’s dating culture may be shrill, fast, and heavily influenced by hypersexual music. However, I have learned that volume does not equal value. Depth does.

Being myself has not made dating easier, but it has made it clearer. I do not fear being judged for booty bouncing to a bounce song online or in public anymore. Lastly, in a culture addicted to uncertainty and chemistry without commitment for me it is the rarest flex of all.

Christmas Eve Night, When Everything Finally Gets Quiet

2025-12-24T22:14:00.000-06:00

I can hear them snore from their beds as I peek my head into the bedroom. Christmas Eve in my apartment is quiet and yet it feels inviting. It is something about the pause before the morning, the deep breath held in before joy is released. My kids have been under the weather for the past three days with intense fevers. I have been holding it down as I overcame a fever and cold too.

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You see since overcoming the illness I am looking to cherish this Christmas. There is something sacred about this night. In my apartment the lights are dimmed. The Christmas tree lights are bold with warmth. The time is slowed. There is also a reminder that not everything needs to be rushed in order to be meaningful.

Tonight I am journaling from the living room. I am thankful for being able to be in good health, sane, and happy. Seeing the gifts wrapped with love and perfection underneath the tree makes my eyes water. This Christmas is about warmth, familiarity, and presence. The Temptations, ‘Silent Night’ hums from the speakers in the kitchen throughout the apartment. There is an art of comfort that comes from being exactly where we were meant to be. It is also the comfort from the peace that comes from knowing we do not have to be anywhere else. I am letting this evening be simple. Simple feels safe. Simple requires no outstanding effort.

As this is the third year in my apartment, Christmas Eve has taken on a different meaning. It has never been about what is wrapped and how it is wrapped. It has never been about who kissin’ me underneath a mistletoe. It is more about what is heartfelt and priceless. It is about creating a calm that my children can carry into the morning. It is about a sense of security, excitement, and comfort. I want them to remember how the night felt. It will eventually be a blur about what was under the tree.

This season has taught me that joy does not have to be loud to be real or intentional. Joy can live in stillness and not be smothered. Joy can be in the warmth of the soft moments. Joy can be in the souls that are protected and full of intention. Tonight, I am choosing to remain present, grateful, and grounded in what matters most. If you ask me, Christmas Eve does not ask for anything more than that, and neither do I.

This Is How Christmas Eve Morning Feels Now

2025-12-24T10:29:00.000-06:00

Christmas Eve during the day feels chill. I have been counting down the days until Christmas break from work and school for weeks. I am blessed to say that this countdown has been worth it. The hours seem to have been moving slower this morning. The air feels lighter and less chill, but the fog seems to be cradling the area. The sounds of the busy highway carries a quiet sense of anticipation. There seems to be this in-between, but not yet the celebration, but full of meaning all the same vibe.

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Today is about staying in after having holiday shopping completed. Straightening up the apartment. Disinfecting. Setting things in place, and letting the space feel warm and intentional is on the to-do list. There is comfort in knowing that what matters most is not how much gets done, but how calm the day feels while doing it. Therefore, I will sit back and stay off my feet as much as possible today.

I am still learning to let this season be simple. No rushing, no overthinking, no heavy reflecting on how my life used to feel this time of the year when I was not where I am today. Instead, I have journaled about being thankful for both of my children, their presence, and overall gratitude. I am also thankful for the awareness that being here steady and grounded is enough.

As the day unfolds, I am holding space for joy without questioning it. I will let excitement rise naturally. I am also welcoming to letting peace stay where it is. There is beauty in the waiting. Waiting, in the quiet moments before the night arrives.

Christmas Eve does not need to have a ribbon of plans knitted into events to be meaningful. If you ask me, the most special part is the thrill of the day itself is having good intentions to smile regardless.

Not Everyone Deserves Access to My Apartment

2025-12-23T21:33:00.000-06:00

I have so much peace! Living alone has taught me things no relationship ever has. There is a quiet power in having a space that belongs only to you. I love being able to come to every decision, every routine, and every moment of rest without asking a man if it’s okay before I go lay down. My apartment is not just where I live. It's where I decompress. Reset, This is where I come back to myself without explanation or interruption.

I love living alone. It gives me room to breathe. There is no negotiating my peace. No tiptoeing around someone else’s moods. There is no feeling like I have to perform outside of my comfort just to exist comfortably. When I close my front door, the outside stays outside. That separation has been healing in ways I did not expect.

Keeping my apartment off boundaries has become a form of self-respect. In reality, keeping my personal space sacred is what I enjoy, my energy, and my daily movements. My apartment is not a meeting place, a duck off, or a convenience. My place adds to my peace. I am intentional about who enters because I am intentional about how I feel when I am here.

I purchased my first major furniture pieces for my apartment this year during the spring. There was once people wanting me to have an apartment filled with furniture pieces that were tossed to the curb for the trash. People at that time were saying the cheapest thing to do was to get everything used. I did not say much, because once I had the money to get a moving company to donate it all to the swamps of Louisiana. I did just that! I threw that out of my apartment for the cause, because that furniture held on to energy that I no longer wanted to harvest.

This space holds my routines, my creativity, and my rest. This is where I write, where I think clearly, where I can decompress after all I have been through. I have learned that peace does not require constant company. I have learned that solitude does not mean loneliness. Solitude can sometimes mean safety.

Living alone has also strengthened my relationship with myself. I trust my instincts more. I listen to my needs clearly without any one else to influence them. I move at my own pace. There’s something comforting about being able to exist without explaining yourself to anyone.

My apartment reflects who I am in this season as well. I am more calm, intentional, and my energy is protected. Keeping my apartment off boundaries is not about isolation or bitterness. It is about discernment. I am choosing environments that support my healing, my growth, and the life I am building without the opinions from others.

This season of living alone has reminded me that peace is not something I have to ask any one else for. I pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, and mind my own business. Peace is something I lock the door and come home to.

This Is the Season I am Protecting

2025-12-22T05:30:00.000-06:00

I did not enter this next season trying to get belts for being one of God’s strongest soldiers. I entered into this season trying to become more protected. After everything I had no choice but to release this year. I had to decide what was worth guarding and what no longer deserved access to me.

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After the purge, I have realized that the next step is not becoming louder or more accessible. It's about becoming more protective. There is a difference between letting go and guarding what remains. This season of my life is quieter. It is not because I have less to say at all. ‘Cause God knows I can talk, and talk down! However, it is because I am choosing to be more intentional with where my energy goes.

I am protecting my peace in ways I did not before. That looks like less explaining. It looks like having fewer emotional negotiations. It looks like having a stronger commitment to responding instead of reacting. I have learned that peace does not require permission. I had to stop questioning myself at times on how to embrace peace into my lifestyle when it was there all along. Peace does not need to be defended publicly to be valid.

I am also protecting my energy. I no longer believe in pushing through exhaustion in order to prove consistency or worth. Rest is part of my responsibility now. I owe it to myself and to my children. In order to honor my limits, I must show up more present, patient, and more grounded in the spaces that matter most.

Above all, I am protecting my children’s emotional safety. They do not need perfect circumstances weekly. They need stability, warmth, and a mother who is able to be fully regulated and present. I am intentional about the environments I allow around them. I also work towards setting the tone under our roof. I do what I feel is best for them knowing that peace is something they will carry with them long after this season passes.

Finally, I am protecting my creative voice. Writing does not require it to come from pressure, deadlines, or performance. Writing for me and many others comes from truth, reflection, and timing. This next season is not about proving anything. This next season it’s about honoring what I have built and looking forward to pouring into. I am moving forward with clarity, softness, and self-appreciation

This Was Supposed to Be His Christmas

2025-12-21T21:35:00.000-06:00

People have been asking me, “Lynn, will you have your kids this Christmas?” According to the rotation, this was supposed to be their dad’s holiday. However, this year, my kids will be with me. I am not giving into the feeling of the need to explain every detail or defend how it happened. I am choosing to sit with what is and what it will be, which is quiet and we will enjoy the priceless gift of togetherness.

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Co-parenting sometimes teaches people quickly that plans do not always fall through the way they are written. Schedules shift. Communication falls short. Emotions can get out of hand. I have learned that not every change needs a public explanation. I also understand that every disappointment does not need to be turned into conflict. I am three years into this coparenting thing. The most peaceful choice is to adapt. Protect your child and or children’s sense of stability.

What matters most to me this Christmas is not whose “turn” it was. What matters is how my kids feel waking up that morning. It is the warmth of being in their own beds. It’s the safety of the routine we have built. It is about embracing the small moments that make a day feel complete. We will have breakfast together. We will be chilling together on our sofa, and enjoying our time. This is the energy I am choosing to pour into this season. These years are passing by quickly as I see my kids grow in so many ways.

Overall, I have released the need to control how others show up. I have released the idea of how others should be showing up. I have also released the guilt that can creep in and cause me to rage me up with anxiety when plans change unexpectedly. Life does not always follow the calendar. Sometimes what feels inconvenient on paper turns out to be exactly what your heart and your children need to have peace.

This Christmas, I am choosing presence over principle. Peace over power struggles. I am choosing gratitude over resentment. For us, that is more than enough. Over these three years, with raising my two kids alone, not a soul can tell me that I have not mentally and emotionally grown. This is what growth looks and will feel like for me.

I Had to Learn This the Hard Way | Stop Expecting People to Be You

2025-12-20T18:58:00.000-06:00

Lessons have been well learned for me and my emotional ass especially before my cycle came. I have learned this month to stop expecting and having expectations for certain people to show up the way I would have for them. Being a writer, I love character development. I develop traits for people I interact with during the week and month in my mind as I study them. December had a way of slowing me down and not just when it came to fighting for my immune system. This month was forcing me to pay attention to patterns. Patterns that had been ignored for far too long.

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I realized how often I was silently waiting for people to do what felt obvious to me. One of those things was about communicating clearly. I appreciate people who can choose to be considerate. I appreciate those who can follow through. I appreciate people who care without being prompted. When these things did not happen, I found myself feeling disappointed and emotionally exhausted. It was not, because I was asking for too much. Here is the kicker. It was, because I was expecting too much from the wrong people.

I am a thoughtful woman. I think ahead. I anticipate needs. I show up consistently and with the intention to match. Emotional awareness comes easily to me. For a long time, I assumed that this was how most people moved that interacted with me. What I have now come to understand is that this is a crucial part of my personality, and not a pedestal to place other individuals on, girl. The mistake was not in who I am. It was in believing that others would operate from the same place. However, I thought this without ever seeing that they could.

Expectations kept me in a quiet state of waiting and assuming. Waiting for effort. Waiting for understanding. Waiting for reciprocity. What came in that waiting was me slowly building anticipation for a big let down in the end. Expectations had me overextending emotionally. I was questioning my worth, and slightly feeling unseen. They kept me attached to versions of people that existed only in my head. Not those who existed in their actions. It was that disconnect was costing me my peace and causing me to look crazy.

Something shifted. I stopped expecting and started observing once I took accountability for my spoken thoughts. I stopped assuming potential. I began accepting patterns for what they were. Releasing expectations did not mean lowering my standards or settling for less. It meant meeting people where they are, and not where I hoped they would be. It meant allowing behavior to speak louder than intentions. It meant choosing clarity over confusion even when the truth felt uncomfortable.

When you can take accountability for your own world and character traits you created for someone, life gets better. I give based on capacity, not obligation. I match energy without guilt. I no longer over-explain my boundaries. I do not wait for people to become who they have already shown me they are not. I protect my peace quietly. I detach without drama or passive aggressive energy. I trust myself more than I once did. I cried. Accepted my little character arch for people for my Sims 4 experience. Letting go of expectations has grounded me during a season that can easily magnify disappointment.

This Christmas looks different for me. What makes it look different is how much quieter, simpler, and more intentional it is. Well, it even feels lighter. Letting go of expectations has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself this season. This month has taught me that peace does not come from hoping people change or from holding onto potential. Peace comes from acceptance. Discernment. Peace comes from choosing yourself every time because you will never get you from someone else.