Sarah shares her thoughts on Annie’s {inspirational entry} this week.

Leave Sarah a comment here.

In 2003, our family went on a trip to Italy. I had just finished my first year of working full time at a campus ministry and led a mission trip until two days (TWO DAYS!) before the family vacation (FAMILY VACATION!). As you can imagine, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. There were a lot of factors that led to the bad spot my heart was in, including a boy. (But trust me, that part of the story is dumb and not worth your time.)

We were in Florence, at a hotel nestled in a vineyard. Our view overlooked the city. It was June – the only thing on television that I could understand was Wimbledon. So even though I’m not the world’s most avid tennis fan, I was glad to have a way to zone out.

I was tired. Really tired.

I wasn’t very nice to my family. It seems to be my way, unfortunately. When I need time alone and I don’t get it, I ink.

(Remember that scene from Finding Nemo? When they scare the little octopus dude and he inks everywhere?)

Yeah, I emotionally ink. But not when I’m scared, more often it happens when I’m tired and need alone time or need a break. Everything that comes out of my mouth is black ink. And it stains.

Then there is a clean up that is more painful than the mess ever was.

I stood outside of our room at the hotel and listened to a Shane and Shane album over and over again. In the pitch-black dark of night, I watched this foreign city and just tried to rest my mind and my heart. It had been too long since I did that. Thus, the inking.

Maybe it is embarrassing that seven years later, I’m still having this conversation with myself. The same one that my mind massaged around for hours that night in Florence. Why is it that the people we love the most are the ones we end up hurting? Or, if you want to get technical, why do I ink on them? Why do I wait so long to rest that I end up exploding with anger or hurt or frustration?

I don’t choose quiet enough. I don’t choose to be still enough. When I push myself so far that I get to the breaking point, when quiet and rest and lack of noise are a MUST, it seems those are the things out of my grasp. And I ink.

I hope it doesn’t take me another seven years to get a hold of this. I’m trying to fit quiet into my every day. My family and friends deserve to be as ink-free as possible and that is under my control. I can choose to be still.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” – Isaiah 30:15

Can you relate? Have you ever needed a break so much that you ended up breaking on everyone else? Start small – take five minutes today and sit quietly. Or just turn the radio off in the car. Read one verse or pray one prayer. Just slow down. And rest.

And in time, you won’t even have to ink about it.

(I love a good play on words. )

Resources…

Excaping the Stress Trap

Something Else…

Before you {ink}, tell us about it on this week’s survey. Also, who doesn’t love Daniel Powter’s Bad Day!

Annie Downs is a freelance writer in Nashville, Tennessee. She hopes to keep her ink to herself today. Read more at http://annieblogs.com/.

Leave Annie a comment here

How many times have you heard this song on the radio at just the right time and belted out the lyrics as if the song was written for you just for that very moment? Take a look at the video of Bad Day by Daniel Powter.

Check out a portion of the lyrics:

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
(From Bad Day by Daniel Powter)

~ Why do we often fake a smile during a bad day? Does that fake smile really even help the situation or does it keep us from reaching out for help?

{survey}

Take this anonymous survey and tell us about your bad days. We will post a few of the anonymous replies at the end of the week on Express Yourself so that you can see other She Seeks readers have to say.

Click here to take survey

Shannon explains how much her smile file means to her.

Leave Shannon a comment.

In the course of a day, many words are spoken.

Some are said in love, and some are said out of anger. Some relate to our work, and some represent our feelings. Some roll off the tongue easy, and some have to be wedged out of our lips with the likes of a crowbar. But make no mistake…all of them have impact.

My friend, Kris, reminded me of the importance of words at his very own funeral.

He had struggled for 25 months with cancer. His body ravaged by the cruel disease, he finally went home to rest in the arms of His Savior, leaving behind people who would miss him. As a final, loving tribute at his funeral, Kris shared a homemade video, imploring people to share their heart and say the things they needed to say while they were still able to say them.

As I sat in the wooden church pew and viewed this precious testimony of a man whose spirit was already in another place, I couldn’t help but think about how many times we miss opportunities in life to say things we need to say to people. I find a lot of us speaking our mind on a daily basis, but far fewer of us truly sharing our heart. There is, I’ve found, a vast difference.

Many healing words that could be said are missed, simply because we are too afraid to say them. We fear being misunderstood or made to feel silly. We fear becoming vulnerable or the possibility of giving our power away to someone. Or we fear we won’t be able to handle whatever comes in their wake. Maybe our relationships will change, when we share our heart. Or maybe, even scarier…they won’t.

But as Kris reminded me, there are things important enough to share. Because words spoken that touch a heart or give encouragement to a soul can never be a mistake.

If someone has done enough to make an impression on us, we should let them know.

If someone has loved us through a bad day, we should say thanks.

If someone has stayed around when others have run away, we should tell them we noticed.

And if there comes a day when we share our heart and our words are not well received, we can rest, knowing that we have said what we needed to say…and that is enough.

Resources…

The Bible

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” {Proverbs 16:24}

Something Else…

Watch the video that Lisa’s friend Kris made and be challenged to {say what you need to say}

Lisa Whittle likes to tell waiters how awesome they are when they do a good job…and she does not hesitate to tell her best friend, Colleen, how much her friendship has changed her life. She asks you to pray for the family her friend, Kris, recently left behind. Drop her a note at info@lisawhittle.com or find her on Facebook.

Leave a comment here for Lisa.

Please take a look at the video below made by the man that Lisa referenced in her {inspirational entry}. Kris knew the importance of the words he needed to say. Those very words will positively impact his loved ones long after his funeral.

~ Has someone ever expressed their feelings to you in a way that will forever change your life?

{quiz}

We want to hear directly from you so take a moment to share your thoughts in the survey. Maybe by typing them anonymously, you will garner the courage to say the words you need to say in person.

Click here to take the “Say What You Need to Say” Survey

We have a very special treat for you this week ladies — meet the Brad from Sam’s {inspirational entry}.

Leave a comment for Brad

Hi, my name is Samantha. [Everyone in unison, now...."Hi Samantha."]

I’m 32, single and have no kids [SWNK].

Typical responses tend to be: “Why aren’t you married? You’re too sweet! You’re so pretty. But you’re so good with kids!”

{Permission to roll your eyes, granted.}

My inward response, accompanying the clinching of my jaw through a forced smile is something like, “Don’t you think if I knew what the problem was, I’d fix it?” My hunch is that if you are over 18 and SWNK you not only relate to these feelings but have experienced these seemingly condescending verbal “pat-on-the-backs,” too.

Perhaps the grace has worn off, my hope has run out and disappointment has rendered me jaded. But the married well-meaners attempting to make me feel normal for being SWNK has become downright hurtful. Years of these comments have dragged me down and dampened what faith I do have. Not only that, but it turns me off from wanting to engage in any conversation about marriage or my desire for it. Including conversations with the Lord.

Honestly, I will do just about anything to avoid talking about how I dream of marriage. And not just the fairy tale part, because I’m a realist. I’ve dated. I’ll leave the rainbow connection to the dreamers, lovers and Kermit. Bring on the nitty-gritty, can’t-stand-your-face much less the-way-you-breathe stuff. Because on the flip side of that is the nitty-gritty, can’t-stand-life-without-you stuff.

All but 3.5 of my friends are married, so ask me anything about marriage and I’ll probably know the answer. Now don’t get me wrong — I really do love hearing stories, but I long to be able to share my marriage stories in return. So I compare myself with those who are married. What do they have that I don’t? Why them and not me? What have I done that exempts me from marriage? Why aren’t I married? Why?

Just recently God took extreme measures to speak to me about my marriage doubts, fear, hopes and dreams for a family. He literally had to take me around the world, to the country of El Salvador, to present me with some truth He’d been trying to tell me for years, but I wouldn’t listen.

At the end of the week on the way to the airport, out of the blue my friend, Brad, started talking with me about marriage. My guard went up. I didn’t want to defend the “why” questions. But this conversation was different. It was as if the Lord gave Brad x-ray vision into the deep recesses of my heart.

“It haunts you, doesn’t it? It keeps you up at night. Wondering why. ‘Why aren’t I married? What’s wrong with me?’ I know, because it once haunted me, too.”

I wanted to deflect this conversation, and the hurt built up from the years of unanswered “whys.” Yes, my thoughts haunt me. But then God used five little words to wash them and the pain and doubts away.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

At that moment, “trapped” in a conversation I didn’t ask for on a bus halfway across the globe, all the “whys” were left voiceless from one simple voice of truth…His truth. Years of frustrated heartache and wondering sleepless nights were washed away.

That is the same message I share today, with you. Girl, there is nothing wrong with you. You are okay. Better than okay, just as you are. You don’t have to be funnier, cuter, quieter, trendier, spiritualer. Rather than defending yourself from other people’s whys and your own personal questions, I encourage you to let those five words fight for you as they did for me. If for no other reason, because they are true. There is nothing wrong with you.

Resources…

The Bible

Song of Solomon 4:7, “There is no flaw in you.” (NIV)

Now and Not Yet: Making Sense of Single Life in the Twenty-First Century by Jennifer Marshall

Something Else…

Sam’s perfect day would be hanging with friends while serving the Lord (preferably overseas!), drinking Antigua coffee and kicking it to bluegrass, sweet worship or Lecrae. Throw in a game of ultimate Frisbee, a captivating read, and some lemon/raspberry bars and she’s in heaven! For more musings, visit http://fieldsgold.blogspot.com/

Have you struggled with similar thoughts? Leave Sam a note here.

Do you identify with Samantha’s {inspirational entry} this week? Let this video depicting Psalm 139 speak to you and remember the God knows your present life situation. He knows what you hope for in your future. He has your life all laid out already.

~ What part of Psalm 139 encourages you the most while you are single?

{quiz}

We want to hear your thoughts on this topic. Check out the link below and share your heart with us about being single. Everything is anonymous so tell us how you really feel!

Click here to take the survey

Join Annie as she asks some of her friends what they love about being a girl.

What’s your favorite thing about being a girl?