She She

Pray for Me

2009-11-14T15:47:00.002-05:00

Owen's two best friends (twins) are sleeping over tonight, bringing the total number of children to 5.

What I've said so far: Patrick, honey, you can't use the Nerf gun. You'll have to find another weapon.

They've been here five minutes.

Thank god for the DVD player and the wine.

Friday Verse

2009-11-13T10:51:00.002-05:00

Tenderness and Rot
by Kay Ryan

Tenderness and rot
share a border.
And rot is an
aggressive neighbor
whose iridescence
keeps creeping over.

No lessons
can be drawn
from this however.

One is not
two countries.
One is not meat
corrupting.

It is important
to stay sweet
and loving.

Power Words

2009-11-12T09:53:00.003-05:00

I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee this morning before work, but I was held hostage by a three year old.

Crying, I want you to help me get dressed!

I start to help.

I don't want you to help me!

I stop.

Help me!

Don't help me!

Heeeeeelllllp meeeeeee!

Just last night I was saying how it had been so long since Patrick had a major meltdown.

I didn't know my words could be so powerful.

Tonight I'm going to mention how long it's been since we've won the lottery.

You never know...

Thoroughly Modern Santa

2009-11-11T10:46:00.003-05:00

Nora: Santa has elves who check up on us to see if we're good.

Owen: Don't be ridiculous, Nora. Santa doesn't have elves.
He uses remote control cameras.

That's a Lot of Mittens

2009-11-10T10:26:00.003-05:00

Last night I asked Patrick to carry his lunchbag and jacket from the car into the house.

He said, I can't! I only have two hands!

*Pause*

I only have two hands. Owen and Dad and Nora and you only have two hands. My friends at school only have two hands. Everybody only has two hands.

Except centipedes.

Today I'm Half-Full

2009-11-09T10:50:00.004-05:00

Riding in the car with noisynoisynoisy kids, but enjoying it when all three started singing the theme song to Pirates of the Caribbean.

Buying a new shower curtain. (I know. This is my life. But at least it's an attempt at homemaking.)

Nora stabbed Patrick in the face with a fork. It was an accidental collision. He'll have a scar, but that's nothing compared to coming thisclose to being a one-eyed pirate.

Bringing the kids to a grown up party where they were well-behaved.

Balsamic glazed pearl onions and beets with crumbled bleu cheese.

Jane Siberry is coming to Vermont.

Names for My Next Life

2009-11-08T08:40:00.003-05:00

Nora has a teacher in her kindergarten named
Mrs. Genzlinger.

Except that Nora calls her
"Mrs. Gunslinger".

What do I have to do to get
a name like that?

Busytown

2009-11-07T07:39:00.004-05:00

This has been a particularly busy fall, and all of it is of my own (crazy)making. I decided to take an online course to prepare for my possibly going back to school. So I've been slogging through Abnormal Psychology and have discovered a couple of things about myself. One: I don't like distance learning. I miss the face-to-face contact with the professor and the students. Two: I love the material. I've always been fascinated by people's stories (including my own). How? Why? What happened? I want to know.

I recently helped organize a large conference for one of our clinicians who specializes in anxiety disorders in children. It was held yesterday and I got to sit in on some of it. What I felt while I sat there listening to him was energized. I thought, yes. This is what I want to do. I had been wondering about the feasibility of my going back to school and switching careers at this late stage. It would involve a loss of half of our income for three years and going into more debt to pay for graduate school. These aren't small considerations when you consider that I really only have about 25 more "earning" years left to me, and three kids who I hope will also go to college. But after yesterday, I wonder how I could not do this. I can't remember the last time I felt so sure about something.

Friday Verse

2009-11-06T11:48:00.002-05:00

A Song on the End of the World

by Czeslaw Milosz

On the day the world ends
A bee circles a clover,
A fisherman mends a glimmering net.
Happy porpoises jump in the sea,
By the rainspout young sparrows are playing
And the snake is gold-skinned as it should always be.

On the day the world ends
Women walk through the fields under their umbrellas,
A drunkard grows sleepy at the edge of a lawn,
Vegetable peddlers shout in the street
And a yellow-sailed boat comes nearer the island,
The voice of a violin lasts in the air
And leads into a starry night.

And those who expected lightning and thunder
Are disappointed.
And those who expected signs and archangels’ trumps
Do not believe it is happening now.
As long as the sun and the moon are above,
As long as the bumblebee visits a rose,
As long as rosy infants are born
No one believes it is happening now.

Only a white-haired old man, who would be a prophet
Yet is not a prophet, for he’s much too busy,
Repeats while he binds his tomatoes:
There will be no other end of the world,
There will be no other end of the world.

Warsaw, 1944

Image: The Old Gardener by Robert Reid

Priceless

2009-11-05T08:25:00.002-05:00

A good long cry in the parking lot before work.

A reconciliation of sorts after a misunderstanding.

Friends who say, "Oh, yeah, me too."

Connecting with my youngest and finding him cooperative and receptive.

A good night's sleep.

And on a completely unrelated note, deciding to stop eating factory meat. Oh, those poor little piglets! (Thank you, Mr. Foer).

Pining

2009-11-04T07:59:00.005-05:00

Usually, I'm pretty good at navigating the emotional minefield of what's possible and what's not possible. I no longer spend my days mooning about because my life isn't exactly the way I want it to be. I used to do that, and no arguments of reason or presentation of facts could dissuade me from my gloom. In the last few years, I've been able to put a check on those pointless funks when they come stalking around my psyche. But lately, I've begun to pine again. I'm pining to stay home with my kids instead of work full-time (not possible). I'm also pining to stay home and be a homemaker (not possible -- but, man, does my home need some making). I'm pining for time of all kinds -- time with the kids, time for myself, time with my home, down time, play time, more time, time, time.

My demons are creeping around the hedgerow looking for a way in, and I've found myself leaving the door open for them.

I want to know.... what are your demons? What do you do to send them packing?

Annual

2009-11-03T10:19:00.005-05:00

I went for my annual mammogram this morning. I remember years ago -- before I had children -- being terrified of having a mammogram. It sounded so barbaric. I don't know if it's giving birth to three children, or 6 years plus of nursing, or just the accumulated years of invasive doctor visits, but the mammogram isn't even a blip on the ugh! scale. In fact, it kind of appeals to my mildly hypochondriacal side. I like to be surveyed and found fine.

Halloween

2009-11-02T07:56:00.010-05:00

Optimus Prime and his Dresser

Why, yes, I did make that dress.
It's held together with tape, velcro, safety pins, and hope.

My three.

****************

I had hopes to do NaBloPoMo again this year, but here I am already a day late (and, as usual, a dollar short). I may do it anyway. It feels strange to be dipping my toe back into the blogosphere after such an absence.

Ten Gajillion Things

2009-10-06T09:55:00.004-04:00

So, I'm back. Well, not yet. I have ten gajillion things going on right now (of my own making, so I've no one else to blame). But I've decided not to give up the blog. I'm just taking a break to attend to the ten gajillion things.

In the meantime, here's a little something for you:

(I know, I've posted this before, but Ricky Gervais...)

Well, There's Just No Easy Way to Say It

2009-05-29T11:00:00.004-04:00

I’ve decided to decommission my blog.

Lately, I’ve lost my blog mojo. It’s probably just Little League season that’s kicking my ass, and one would think that after four years of this spring grind, I’d get used to the chaos. But this year it’s really done me in. I can’t even find time to keep my house clean or put away the laundry. The thought of pecking away at a decent, readable post is just… well, it doesn’t register on my list of things that need to get done.

I could probably just let the blog lie low, and pick it up later when I'm more centered and rested. But it just feels done to me.

Another reason I’m signing off is that my personal life, my real life is circling closer and closer to my blog and this makes me feel prickly. I know I haven’t written terribly confessional or inappropriate musings, but they’ve been personal enough that if, say, the parents of one of Owen’s friends read them, I might feel uncomfortable. I wish I were more macho about it, but let's face it, I'm no Ayelet Waldman.

So, this is it.

That said, I’ve reserved a couple of other domain names in case I decide to go at it again which, given my fair-weather commitment to writing, is entirely possible. If I do begin again, I’ll leave a comment on your blog. You’ll know me by my big tomato head.

And this. Just because I want to make you cry before I go.

Beware the Small One (with the big stick)

2009-05-28T18:56:00.001-04:00

Giveaway

2009-05-21T15:40:00.002-04:00

Check it out.

Just in time for summer.

Which has decided to arrive today in Vermont.

It's sweltering.

I'm not complaining.

Just sweating.

Monday Day Book

2009-05-18T10:22:00.004-04:00

For Today ~ May 15, 2009

Outside my window... breezy, blue sky.

I am thinking... that I'd really like to work in a hipster doofus coffee shop.

I am thankful for... getting halfway through the Little League season relatively unscathed.

From the kitchen... Mark Bittman's Zuppa Arcidossana. It sounds a little strange, but it's really, really good.

I am wearing... black slides, jeans, black pullover.

I am reading... The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. To Owen and Nora, I'm reading The Golden Compass. It's definitely too old for Nora, but Owen assures me it's not too old for him.

I am hoping... that I can complete two work projects that are weighing very heavily on me.

I am creating... health, inside and out.

I am hearing... a printer and coughing.

Around the house... I finally got my perennials in the ground.

One of my favorite things... is sleeping through the night.

A few plans for the rest of the week... games, working on an end-of-the-year project with Nora for her teachers, more games, trying to pin Nora down to cut her bangs, more games, and a breakfast date with Nora at Tinkerbelle's.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

Nora caught a pop fly at her game on Saturday! Here she is right after, ready to whip it to first base. Her coach is either very happy, or he's practicing his Mary Catherine Gallagher impression.

Superstar!

From The Simple Woman.

Grace 56x365

2009-05-15T13:17:00.002-04:00

1. Sun.

2. Being able to zip up my new pants without having to be horizontal.

3. Realizing that, contrary to years of protestations otherwise, I actually like to run.

4. An illuminating dream.

5. Chicken wranglers.

Mark Your Calendars, Ladies

2009-05-14T14:54:00.005-04:00

June 7th

Grace 55x365

2009-05-14T13:12:00.003-04:00

1. Family meetings, which felt forced at first, are really starting to pay off.

2. Keeping up with my running program.

3. Starting to figure out an issue that's been plaguing me nearly my whole life.

4. Fresh cherries.

5. Re-connecting with a friend I thought was gone for good.

Monday Day Book

2009-05-11T10:01:00.004-04:00

For Today ~ May 11, 2009

Outside my window... blue sky, blue lake, green grass, green leaves, yellow sun hello! it's been awhile!, purple rhododendrons, and adults playing some form of dodge ball on the waterfront. Inside my window... I watch them and feel wistful.

I am thinking... that this blog is like a plant I keep forgetting to water. I wonder if I'll ever get my green thumb back.

I am thankful for... a good weekend of not getting everything done.

From the kitchen... crispy salted oatmeal white chocolate cookies. Oh.My.God. Your mouth will think it's died and gone to heaven. You're tongue will achieve enlightenment. Your taste buds will meet 72 virgins in the afterlife. These cookies are that good.

I am wearing... black kitten heels (I think that's what they're called), a new black & gray long skirt that T. thinks makes me look like an old lady (but it's comfortable), black cardigan.

I am reading... Everyday Blessings by the Kabat-Zinns and soon I'll start reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. And, as always, I'm slogging through my New Yorkers.

I am hoping... that my headache goes away.

I am creating... as happy a home as I can.

I am hearing... a faint hum in the distance and my own blood pounding in my head. Where is that Tylenol?

Around the house... it's a bit of a disaster area, but I'm okay with that, and T. and I are going to start to think about maybe at some point becoming a little more vegetarianish.

One of my favorite things... is curried squash and chicken soup.

A few plans for the rest of the week... games and work and birthdays.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

T., the kids, and I stayed up late last night watching old videos on YouTube. This is one of the kids' favorites.

From The Simple Woman.

Just Call Me Red the Gin

2009-05-04T12:51:00.004-04:00

Rock star name (first pet & current car): Susie Caravan

Gangsta name: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): Coffee Oreo

Fly Guy/Girl name (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name): A-Cle

Detective name (favorite color, favorite animal): Orange Loris

Soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Ann Independence

Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first): Cleal

Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink with “The”): Red the Gin

Nascar name (the first names of your grandfathers): Myron Duke

Stripper name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne, favorite candy): Happy Snickers (Maybe Happy Knickers?)

Witness protection name (mother’s & father’s middle names ): Doris Dwight

TV weather anchor name (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Daly Dallas

Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Summer Lily

Cartoon name (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”): Mango Tanky

Hippie name (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Angel Hair Pine

Rockstar tour name ("The" + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”): The Sewing Rain Tour (maybe Sowing Rain Tour?)

Thanks, Violet! (Another good name...)

Monday Day Book

2009-05-04T11:34:00.002-04:00

For Today ~ May 4, 2009

Outside my window... blue sky, green grass, purple rhododendrons.

I am thinking... that I don't like deadlines.

I am thankful for... pulling off a "how to be in three places at once" trick this weekend.

From the kitchen... a sausage and cheese strata that I made T. take to work this morning just to get it out of the house otherwise I would be forced to eat the entire thing.

I am wearing... bare feet, cranberry skirt, black tank top.

I am reading... A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami and Everyday Blessings by the Kabat-Zinns.

I am hoping... that I remember to breathe this week.

I am creating... sometimes order, sometimes just the appearance of order.

I am hearing... white noise.

Around the house... T.'s tomato plants are growing and are almost ready to move outside.

One of my favorite things... is cheesy strata, see above.

A few plans for the rest of the week... games, meetings, after school program sign up, more games, birthdays, spring fling at the elementary school, book club (I haven't read the book... again).

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

Owen's first communion. He managed to make it through with grace and good spirits, and I think he felt pretty proud of himself at the end. This, after his incessant complaining throughout the year. You didn't ask my opinion about this. No one asked if I was interested in going to church school. I don't like this! He did, of course, like the cash he received at the party.

Notice the tattoo on Patrick's arm. Nora has them all up and down her arms, too. Hence, the sweater with the sleeveless dress. My kids, the bikers.

From The Simple Woman.

Grace 54x365

2009-05-01T10:08:00.008-04:00

1. Losing my iPod and finding my iPod, my late night companion, my running distraction, my child whine blocker.

2. Feeling calm in the chaos.

3. One out of three children woke in good spirits.

4. Owen's school is having their annual tag sale today. It's in my top 3 favorite things to do... ever. (My life is a thrill ride.)

5. Another new crush.