Said no one to me. Ever.

Undeterred by the lack of formal recognition for my home decor skillz, today I take you on a simultaneous introductory and farewell tour of our former residence, the biggest little house in the biggest little city.

Please note that the overall absence of unifying theme is purposeful. Taking inspiration from a fun-house we thought it best that each room give off its own unique effect: dizziness, spacial distortion, diarrhea, etc.

Let’s start with the grand entrance…

Please note the lack of organizational efforts of any kind, we found it easiest to just deposit our things on the floor nearest the door when entering the house, that way everything is in one place rather those pesky assigned spots.

Next we have the master bedroom…

We were offended by the term ‘master’ and wanted our style to reflect our egalitarian approach to family life. As you can see all of us sleep on mattresses of equal heights that are equidistant from the coveted features of the room (bathroom, closet, friendly poltergeist lamp.) Bed frames are for the bourgeois. Period.

Next up, our dining room nook, reserved for formal affairs and distinguished dignitaries…

Not to name drop or anything but we have been honored to serve such important guests as Baby Lamby, Baby Bunny, red haired Waldorf style doll ‘Shauna’ and the Very Hungry Caterpillar himself. (I know!)

I think what keeps them coming back is our sticky hands down to earth hospitality, only three pee pee stains proximity to the kitchen and our carefully curated collection of appropriate reading materials.

And the living room, where we do all of our living…

Why yes those are 2002 Starbucks colors! Thank you for noticing.

Over the years we have thoroughly enjoyed our whimsical selection of colors: eggplant, mustard, tomato, chocolate, lime and olive.

I have managed to gain only thirty five pounds. Thank you for noticing.

And last, but unquestionably not least, the kitchen…

Kitch being the operative word.

To encourage a flow during that one time we had a many impromptu dinner parties we thought it best to discourage lazy comfort and decided against bar stools to flank the counter. Cost was not a factor in our decision.

We also had every intention to upgrade to stainless steel appliances. But then ‘white kitchen chic’  became totally in style so we kept it as is. Cost was not a factor in our decision.

I hope you have enjoyed the tour as much as I have enjoyed living there for the past seven years.

As we are currently ‘between homes’  I made a Pinterest board am thoughtfully selecting pieces to inspire me in our future decorating endeavors. Which I might get around to posting after we move out will of course share with all of you very soon!

You taught me that there is such a thing as love at first sight.

You taught me that it’s ok to let you sleep in my arms because you’ll only fit in them for such a short amount of time.

You taught me that kids need love & attention, good food, exercise and discipline. (Not necessarily in that order.)

You taught me patience, compassion and kindness. (Okay so I’m still learning patience.)

You taught me how to bask in the sunshine, roll in the grass and live in the moment.

You’ve been a friend, a pillow, an alarm clock, a therapist, a trainer, a horsie, a reindeer for about thirty seven seconds while the stupid antlers stayed on your head, and my first (furry) baby.

You taught me what unconditional love is.

And now you’re going to teach me a lesson I am completely unprepared to learn, how to let you go.

I don’t know when we will decide it’s time to say goodbye,  I know you will guide me in figuring that out.

I know I will cherish each lesson we have left together.

Android husband in his infinite wisdom tried to advise me that perhaps now (RIGHT NOW!), in the middle of a move from our home in Reno, NV to a cardbox box in near San Francisco, is perhaps not the ideal time for me to pen the great American recap of the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop.

But you don’t understand! I whined reasoned, if I don’t write it all down now (RIGHT NOW!) then it’s as if I didn’t even go.

Maybe I only imagined the brutally early flight, hallucinated wandering through the mean streets of Dayton,OH and fantasized about being licking distance from Alan Zwiebel, Connie Schultz and Marinka NoLastNameNeeded.

If I don’t write it down it’s as if the magic didn’t even happen.

This realization, that I make sense of my world by answering “what’s happening?“, “what’s on your mind” or “edit new post” is possibly my biggest takeway from the conference.

As Kyran Pittman instilled in us at her session-Finding the authority to write, I am a real writer because I write.

That bold declaration will still take some getting used to.

Because for the last few months my writing here (on my blog) has been sporadic, at best. There were many forces at work preventing me from writing…

I have a two year old.

We’re moving.

My dog might have cancer.

I’m afraid that no one is listening.

I’m afraid that everyone is listening.

I’m afraid that my stories do not belong to me alone.

And the loudest (and nastiest) force: self doubt.

Who do you think you are?

Why do you even bother?

This writer’s workshop was either going to confirm all of my biggest fears or quiet my (inner) critics and give me the courage and the inspiration to put pen to paper (or lifted Logitech keyboard to Ipad.)

I am so happy to say that it was the latter.

Courage and inspiration came in many flavors.

Chocolatey for instance,

and sweet and salty for the the laughter and tears elicited by every single one of the phenomenal speakers,

without a hint of bitter aftertaste as everyone proudly shared their accomplishments with one another and were lovingly received and cheered on,

and of course peanut buttery for self acceptance,

I stole these peanut butter packets ‘for just in case’ and I’ll be damned if I didn’t lick the peanut butter right outta them when I got hungry. But it was either accept myself as the hungry, less than sophisticated, cheap-skate immigrant that I am, or starve.

I think I made the right decision.

Insight came too from the sessions I attended.

Kyran Pittman, author, speaker and beautiful person inside and out, spoke of being a ‘writing being’ as opposed to ‘being a writer.’ The former is process oriented, rooted in the present moment, with validation coming from the inside and existing independent of gatekeepers. While the latter is outcome oriented and driven by past and future (successes) She explained that true masters move between the two and encouraged us to honor our raw ambition, to reach high but to reach with correct posture so you don’t break yourself in two. Kyran reminded me that writing is a service vocation and that you must show up and delight the audience, even if it’s an audience of one. (Hi Mom!) Kyran was also at the right place at the right time to give me a much needed hug when I completely lost it after hearing my daughter tell me she missed me. Did I mention it was my first time leaving her? Yeah I was a bawling mess in that moment and Kyran was so sweet to me.

Nancy Berk, the hilarious stand up psychologist, in her workshop the Power of Erma summed up Erma’s lessons beautifully: do what you love, do it your way, let excuses be your material (I can’t write because my laundry is piling up, etc), chaos and imperfection are hilarious and acceptable and when making fun of people target yourself first. She spoke of the power of social media,Twitter in particular,for helping you create your support system and find opportunities,emphasizing that you need to speak up for yourself because you get an “F” for shyness in this business.

Tracy Beckerman, the hysterical and successful syndicated columnist, gave us a formula for writing the Six Million Dollar Humor Column. She delighted us with truisms like the K sound is funny as are those thingamajigs known as nonsense words.

Anna Lefler the statuesque, gorgeous genius behind “the Chicktionary” gave me so much to think about in her session Brand to Book- Creating an Online Voice that Opens Doors that it might necessiate it’s own blogpost! She distilled the very essence of humor as Nerve. Vulnerability. Humanity. (I told you she’s a genius)

And last but not least, Karen Walrond, the incandescent blogger, photographer and public speaker who embodies everything that I strive to be, exceeded all of my expectations. I was a bumbling starstruck moron around her and she was nothing but kind and patient in return. She led her lucky audience in Creative Exercises to Inspire Writing, challenging us to journal every day to capture the ephemera of your life, give mind mapping a try as a way to gather your thoughts the way they actually happen, create a life list or a life menu of awesome things to experience while you’re still here and prompted the photographers we all can be to photo journal and take purposeful photo walks to awaken the creative spirit as both writing and photography are about seeing. She also gave us an impromptu photography lesson, but I don’t want to go on as you may die of jealousy.

I could spend another several hundred words on the other workshop attendees who were amazing, my roomate in particular, but as I have already exceeded the acceptable blog post length by 479 words I will gush about them all another time.

Bottom line: if you are a writer (and if you are asking yourself that question right now just know that the answer is a resounding HELL YES YOU ARE) this workshop is where you need to be in 2014. I hope I’m lucky enough to go again.

I am sorry to bombard you non-Hunger Games fans with all of my Hunger Games obsessed posts.

And by that I mean I’m sorry for you if you haven’t yet joined the Hunger Games bandwagon.

Read it.

You’ll like it.

I promise.

So this is my third post (read the party plan here and menu here) on my awesome sauce Hunger Games party with friend and fellow blogger, Brittany.

I think my favorite part of the party was dressing up as Effie, because let’s face it grown-ups just don’t get the opportunity dress up often enough.

And under threat of death other people dressed up too! I promised the best costume a prize but since I couldn’t very well play Effie and Gamemaker simultaneously I need you my fabulous blog readers to vote your little hearts out and help me pick a winner.

The winner for best costume will receive a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble. And for helping with this difficult task one of you will receive a $50 gift certificate to Amazon to continue your reading endeavors.

To win please vote for your favorite costume in a comment below (or using the survey). For additional entries subscribe to my RSS, follow me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, tweet this giveaway (leave a comment for each). The giveaway will remain open until Wednesday 3/28/12 11:59PM PST

We have in no particular order: Katniss the girl on fire, citizen of district 2, Glimmer, citizen of district 4, Octavia, citizen of district 12, Katniss on reaping day (please note the forlorn expression), and citizen of the capitol.

Alright party people it’s part two of my Hunger Games party post- the menu!

Starting off your morning right with a nice cup of (anti) sleep syrup, Capitol’s orange juice (with a not so secret ingredient -champagne) and the Effie, a pink lemonade, pink champagne and fruit juice concoction…

Moving on to our heartier menu options: Greasy Sae’s breakfast casserole, Rue’s roasted root vegetables, Cato’s (asparagus) spears, District 11’s crescent rolls, Prim’s goat cheese & basil and Mellark’s Bakery bread…

Take a whole a look at the whole table and see if you can spot Katniss’ wild strawberries and District 12’s forbidden blackberries…

Even though we were all stuffed no one in their right mind could say no to this dessert spread- Peeta’s apple and goat cheese tart (click HERE for the recipe), Capitol’s honey pudding and Cinna’s cupcakes on fire.

Brittany made that and here she is putting the finishing touches on the Capitol’s honey pudding…

These were AMAZING.

Are you ready to indulge your inner thirteen year old? Because in just nine days, fourteen hours and twenty six minutes the Hunger Games movie will be heating up theaters everywhere.

My good friend Brittany and I are HUGE fans. I’ve read the book four times and she insists on wearing the official mockingjay pin until the movie premiers (or possiby forever.)

Yeah, we’re nerds.

We also happen to share a birthday at the end of this month. So what better way to mourn how far we are from our teen years celebrate our birthdays than by throwing a mega Hunger Games inspired birthday party? Cause we all know I like to throw a party!

(WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS)

I combed through the book looking for menu, decor and activity ideas and together Brittany and I created an awesome Pinspiration board to kick start our party plans.

Then we invited equally obsessed Hunger Games people over for a morning of food, fun and fanaticism.

The party plan:

• We requested that folks dress to represent their assigned district or a character from the book. (Costumes post is coming soon!)
• Planned a menu inspired by the food in the book. (Menu post coming soon!)
• Brainstormed fun activities. (Trivia post coming soon!)
• And came up with some great decor and prizes!

Today I’ll take you through the decor and other little details. Starting with this awesome bow and arrow set used as our centerpiece:

(Brittany purchased the budget friendly bow & arrow here)

I set the table with a bright orange tablecloth and put braided (red, black and yellow) crepe paper across the center to evoke Katniss’ braid.

Next to the bow and arrow I set a barrel of apples like the ones Katniss used to detonate the Career’s bombs.

Buzzing all around those apples are the tracker jackers Katniss released on the Careers…

Upon arrival each of our tributes/guests received a district token, like the tokens tributes wear in the arena…

(Brittany purchased these bottle cap necklaces here)

The crafty Brittany made these wine charms with jewels to evoke Katniss’ interview dress…

and added a district logo as well…

Finally I tacked up movie posters on my front door, enlisted a tribute to blow up some balloons and hung tri-colored streamers. (I had to watch a tutorial on how to hang streamers, I wish I was kidding.)

A fun (totally last minute and therefore super easy) idea I had was to warp bath bombs in crepe paper to resemble fire balls. I used these to reward the winners of the trivia challenge.

The activities and trivia post is coming soon, as well as a detailed look at the fabulous food.

I know you’re dying for a sneak peek so I’ll leave you with this…

PS since the demise of Picnik is soon upon us I used the new FREE service PicMonkey to add text to these photos. So far I LOVE PicMonkey, it’s easy to use, completely intuitive and very similar to my beloved Picnik

PPS if you have any questions comment below!

snapshots: a photograph (or several) and an isolated observation (or several) about the past week (or so)

Conversation with my almost two year old.

Me: Would you like me to tell you a story abou–

A: Yes! Story!

Me: Once upon a time, there lived a ba–

A: Babushka! (Grandmother)

Me: And a de–

A: Dedushka! (Grandfather)

Me: And they had a chicken and her name was–

A: MEAT!

My definition of fast food is something you can make in less than the time it would take to order pizza or swing through the In n’ Out drive through.

Our In n’ Out is always packed so that means fast food is at least twenty minutes away and that means I end up making fast food at home.

And when that temptress Rachel Voorhees tweeted out a mouth watering photo of her home-made pizza I HAD to have it. Of course I didn’t have pizza crust or pizza sauce or mozzarella. But I did not despair because I DID have english muffin, spaghetti sauce and cheddar…

et voila!

And now that dinner is taken care of, onto the surfin!

Parenting: Sometimes I complain about having a toddler and other times I freak out that soon I’ll have a teenager, who might want her boyfriend to sleep over! GAH!

Social media: Pinterest is genius so to this I say DUH! That’s why silly mommy bloggers are all over it.

Delicious: food & drink

See you next week!

I’ve been a terrible friend to Write on Edge, an online community that is ‘a place for writers to gather, exchange ideas and learn something about the art of storytelling.’ In fact it’s been so long since I wrote something with Write on Edge that they were still called the Red Dress Club when I did! I kept wanting to join in on the prompts and kept talking myself out of it for a million different reasons.

But this week the prompt begged me to join, it asked to explore friendship, a current one or one from your past and to look at the role it plays in your life.

I knew just what to talk about.

You see I have this friend…

~

I shout and share my exciting news: published, I’m going to be published in a real magazine where they pay me money for words I strung together!

Really? Well I hope you don’t get your hopes up, it’s a local magazine and isn’t likely to lead to other opportunities. And honestly? If other opportunities do come along you need to accept that you might put years into this ‘writing thing’ with nothing to show for it at the end of it all. It’s not a real job. Besides don’t you have a job? Aren’t you a blogger? *snickering*

I’m a stay at home mom, remember? I suppose that’s not a real job either.

Well I hate to say it like this, but it’s just not. Not to mention your kid is in preschool two mornings a week now and you have a nanny to help you occasionally? Does that even count as being a stay at home mom? That’s like saying I’m a ballerina because occasionally I watch ballet.

That’s not very nice.

Well dear, sometimes you don’t need someone to be nice, you need someone to be honest. Speaking of honesty, have you looked in the mirror lately? How is it even possible to gain twenty pounds in one year? Do you eat in your sleep?

I don’t know. I’m trying to get healthier. I am.

You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that. Didn’t you want to get pregnant again? Though if you want my opinion, can you even handle another kid? Look at how things are turning out with your first one.

What is that supposed to mean?

You’re sleeping upstairs in a separate bedroom from your husband? She’s almost two and just barely sleeps through the night, if she feels like it. Does that seem normal to you? Maybe if you had been stricter in the beginning like I told you to be, you wouldn’t be dealing with the fallout from this co-sleeping nonesense. You know, how she acts is a direct reflection on who you are as a parent.

So she doesn’t sleep. She’s an awesome little kid.

You know, how she acts has no bearing on who you are as a parent, that’s just her personality.

I give up.

Of course you do. Quitter.

~

I want to break up with this friend.

Too bad the bitch lives inside my head.

This week’s challenge at I heart faces is “oh so silly” so it’s pretty obvious which photo I had to enter: