Sheena Says

Beer Cans of Birmingham 2012 Calendar

2011-10-31T04:49:00.000-07:00

Looking for an interesting Christmas gift? Why not treat a loved one ( or yourself) to The Beer Cans of Birmingham Calendar 2012.

It's pictures of Beer Cans. In Birmingham.

Have a look at some more.

Beer cans not your thing? How about Bins of Birmingham?

25 % of proceeds from these calendars will be donated to Team Hannah to help save her life.

Terry and June

2011-10-08T05:21:00.000-07:00

Watch this:

You might want to watch it again . See what a total biatch June Whitfield is?
Watch it again and you will see how surprised she is when Terry brings her out a drink and then he falls over- does she say "terry, love have you hurt yourself? " No! She looks embarassed, like she doesn't want to be seen with him. BUT the thing is, there isn't any other f*****r about is there?
So what difference does it make? Why is she so embarassed?
So she's embarassed to be seen with him, IN FRONT OF ONLY HIM!
Now, what is that going to do for his self confidence? Nothing! Absolutely nothing at all.
No wonder he's a bumbling falling over idiot man, he's probably on his nerves edge all the while!

But wait... looks what happens next. That will teach you Whitfield. That will teach you.

Look. Here's an inspiring twig

2011-10-08T03:35:00.000-07:00

Jobs, Steve Jobs and how I nearly got axe-murdered to death.

2011-10-07T11:17:00.000-07:00

Narrowly escaped murder this morning. Was so desperate to escape The Office of Doom ( more about that another time) and The Commute of Pain , I applied for a job wrapping up and despatching parcels- you know sot of like playing post offices but getting paid for it.
Thought it was a bit weird it was a residential address, but the woman said she had five employees, so assumed she had a garage or a home office or whatever.
Anyway, went along this morning. Have you seen life of grime?
Well it was kind of like that. Big creepy old house at the end of a drive. I've passed this drive hundreds of times and never noticed the house before- yeah I know, has got horor film written all over it, hasn't it. There wasn't any atmospheric weather though.Was quite bright with a bit of drizzle- not very horror film.
Have you seen A Life of Grime? The one where they have to go and clean out years of filth from some mad cat lady? Was sort of like that-. I couldn't see through the windows because they were covered in filth but on the other side I could make out towers of boxes that looked like they had been there for decades.
Was all a bit disgusting and very clear that the only reason I was there was so someone could kill me and eat me. There was a white truck outside that said polar on it so I am assuming it was freezer type thing. That was where they would store my body. There was so much crap outside the front door, I had to negotiate my approach carefully.
Don't know what stopped me from leaving right away, but I decided to knock the door and it creaked open. That's when the German Shepherd introduced himself ( might have been a werewolf) He forced the door shut and barked so ferociously, I decided I'd best leave.
Didn't really want to work anywhere that smelt of wet dogs anyway. And I didn't fancy being murdered.And eaten.
Legged it to the bus stop, phoned DH and told him I was coming home instead of being murdered. He said we should go for a cuppa. Of course. I've just escaped death. Let's go to Costa. So we did. Then we went to homebase to buy a flourescent light bulb, then to KFC, had a nose in the pet shop and Wilkinsons and came home. Seemed a weird thing to do after escaping death. Very nice, but just a bit ordinary.
When we were in the pet shop, I had to move away from the lizards as they had crickets and stuff in their cages and was a bit too Silence of The Lambs moth things for me.It was a ll a bit raw, you know? Cute hamsters though.

Mad axe murderer text to ask why I hadn't turned up. She was disappointed as I was their favourite candidate ( to eat) and she'd still like to see me. Then the office of doom phoned and well, sacked me I spose is the technical term.So there I was, no job with what sounded like the offer of one.
Told the mad axe lady I was scared of dogs ( and being murdered ). Told the office of doom something else.

So yeah, I'm jobless but I'm not in the refrigeration truck or dead or anything, so it's cool really. Thought about Steve Jobs who said

the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

Still, I might just give her a ring and see if the job is still there on Monday...

Primark bans radio 4- Society is "dumbed down"

2011-09-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

So, I went into Primark listening to Radio 4 on my portable telephone wireless and it just changed over to Radio One by itself. Just like that. I don't mind radio one, but I was having a listen to radio four.
So what have Primark got against Radio 4. I suspect it's something to do with dumbing down of society, we should blame the parents or whatever it is we do when things like this happen.

Anyway, I'm not that bothered. I bought a nice yellow dress for eleven of your earth pounds, so I don't care.

That's all really.

My blog about the piece of toast on my balcony and emotional rollercoasters

2011-09-26T03:24:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, there was a piece of toast on my balcony. This means one of the neighbours has at some point chucked a piece of toast out of the window.

Seriously, why would you do that? What kind of situation makes you throw toast out the window?

If anyone can fathom this toast throwing incident, Don't reply here, get yourself down to CERN and have a word with Brian cox as you are clearly able to solve other mysteries of the universe

Also, I have news of an exciting development. I am inventing an emotional rollercoaster.

I'm going to invent and patent it. Then, I won't let anyone go on it. Then, when reality tv contestants say something is like being on an emotional rollercoaster, I will "No, it isn't. How would you know anyway, you've never been on the world's only emotional rollercoaster."
Then, I'll probably sue them or something.

If I don't do that I might go on a reality programme and say 'its like being on an emotional ghost train/waltzers/teacup things'

Just when I'd made friends with Asos

2011-07-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

Was a bit cross with Asos after they posted weird beard model bloke on facebook. Put my off my tea they did.
But earlier today I forgave them when they posted this wonderful picture.

This is Samira Larouci, one of the winners of the Asos Vintage competition. Isn't it and she gorgeous?

So I made friends with Asos until a few minutes later that posted this photo as part of the menswear collection

No. Just no! Imagine if your boyfriend or husband came home in this get up? You'd be wondering what he was doing in the park and why that special brew drinking tramp stole his clothes and swapped them for his own. Then because your DH was now wearing the tramps clothes, he'd be all stinky and so because you didn't want him to come in the house, you'dd have to send him to local swimming baths for a shower or something. It's got horses on it. Horses! Just stop it now.

Look at the state of this fella

2011-07-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

Came across this male model when browsing Asos on facebook. What are Asos playing at? I'm not sure what it's all about to be honest, is it an avant garde edgy thing? Look what a scruffy get he is.

I can't work out if he's depressed and about to top himself or if he really, really doesn't like that T-shirt. Perhaps he's just a tramp, down on his luck, ran out of Special Brew, lost his Levellers bootleg tape, that sort of thing.
Whatever, male models shouldn't have beards and look like they might be Jesus with a tattoo.

Here he is again.He looks even worse in this shot- I don't know what's the matter with him now.

I really don't know what he's playing in this last one.
Toby said he he's got his trousers mixed up with his jumper

Right well, I hope you enjoyed that whatever it was.Comments always welcome. Not sure what's going on really. I can't fathom it at all.

Don't it make you feel good? Why Stefan Dennis

2011-05-20T02:17:00.000-07:00

You know when you post Stefan Dennis videos on your Aussie pals facebook pages?
Well, when I was looking for Don't It Make You feel Good? I came across this mystery of the universe.
Someone has posted a video of Paul Robinson from neighbours getting a massage.

It's quite possibly the strangest thing I have come across on youtube. I especially like the exclamation mark in the title. This means we are to exclaim Paul Robinson is getting a massage. Look everyone, Paul Robinson is getting a massage! Why did someone post this on youtube, why have over 70,000 people looked at it. Why oh why has someone decided to "dislike" the video. What's their problem? Why did I watch it? Why did you?
I think these questions will remain unanswered, but if you have any inkling at all please let me know, because I can't fathom it at all.

Dear the Asda

2011-05-18T04:42:00.000-07:00

Dear The Asda,
Jason from down the club said that people go round the back of Asda and get things out the bins and eat it and stuff like that. He said he would do it because it's all in date and I said he wouldn't. He said he would so we dared him to go to the back of the supermarket and see if he could get us twenty benson, eight cans of carling. So anyway he left the club and went to the supermarket - so he says! And came back with twenty benson and eight cans of carling. Some people said he's gone and bought them and he was a bullshitter, so I was wondering if you could check the CCTV and see if Dave bought them in the asda or got them out of the bins. It was about ten to nine on Friday and it was the Asda by the club. PLease can you send me some vouchers for Asda as well. Not money off vouchers- actual vouchers where I don't have to spend any money. Thanks Love from Sheena

Hello Sheena

Thank you for taking the time to contact me about your friend getting Asda products out of the bin at the back of your local Asda.

So I can pass this onto store for them to look into, please send me the name of your local store.

With regards to the vouchers you have requested, I am unable to meet your request on this occasion.

Thanks again for your email. If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.

Kind Regards

ASDA Service Team

Dear The British Home Stores

2011-05-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

Dear The British Home Stores,
Kerry had some shoes that were pink with a kind of twisty bow thing on them and when I asked her where she got them, she said she got them from the British Home Stores in the precinct, so I went to go and look in the british home stores in the precinct and I couldn't see any of them. I haven't seen the inside of the shoe, well I did once when she was lagging in town and her shoe fell off, but I was lagging too so I can't remember what it said even though I tried to text it to myself. That was the night that Jemma got cautioned for being drunk and disorderly. So what I want to know is do you have any shoes like this or is Kerry lying to me about where she got them because I think she might not want me to get a pair? She's been well moody since Darren dumped her in the Wetherspoons. She said that was the worst bit because they had been in All Bar One beforehand and he could have done the decent thing and finished with her in there instead of the Wetherspoons where it's only £1.99 a pint.
Please could you refund my daysaver bus ticket of £3.60 that I had to pay to go to the precinct ( vouchers will be fine) and let me know have you got these shoes or not or if Kerry is just a cow.
Love from Sheena

and the reply
Dear Mrs. Ignatia,
Thank you for your email received 13 May 2011.

Unfortunately, we do not have the facility to locate stock in our stores.

Try your local store and if they do not have it in stock, they will see if they can order the item you want from our warehouse. Click here for the telephone number of your local Bhs store.

BHS Customer Care

Dear Marks and Spencers

2011-05-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

Dear The Marks and Spencers,
Why have you got that Caroline Quentin off the telly on your adverts?

Ages ago, when I was about ten, we were in Brean on a campsite, in the club and an entertainer man
asked loads of things like "Go and get a St.Christopher and bring it to me" Then he asked for a
St.Michael and no-one knew what it was and I don't think anyone had any Marks and Spencers clothes
because we were in a campsite in Brean and it was the car workers shut down week. Anyway someone's
nan had a Marks and Spencers cardigan and they dragged up her to the stage. They should have just
asked her to take her cardigan off really. She didn't win a prize or anything. I didn't care at
the time because I went to play Gauntlet in the arcade, but it's been bothering me lately. Have
you got any free things I can have that you don't want. Things I like are : cardigans, prawn
mayonnaise sandwiches, crisps that aren't crisps but are really vegetables ( especially the
beetroot ones), orange juice, trousers- size 16, socks. Not hats though.
Thank you

And the reply

Dear Mrs Ignatia,

Thank you for your comments.

Unfortunately, we are unable to give out free things.

I hope you continue to shop at M&S with confidence.

Thanks again for taking the time to get in touch.

A load of old shit that is in the local charity shop

2011-04-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

There's this weird charity shop up the road. They mostly sell furniture, I am guessing from house clearances. It's staffed by ex-drug addicts. Some of them shout a lot. Last year I offered them our old bed but they said it wasn't good enough to go in there, the cheeky gets. Sometimes you can get a Marian Keyes book in there for 50p . I thought I would show you some of the luxurious items they have in there, that no-one is ever going to buy.

A horrible wooden fish thing

A coffee jar with no lid on it that has got ducks on it

A plastic promotional cup for the film Hook with red plastic disposable forks in it, wrapped up in a plastic bag

Various books including The National Trust handbook 2002 and a 1988 guide to Portugal

Computer things , an old school photograph of people who you don't know, A framed picture of two ducks who look like they are sitting for a portrait

A wooden thing with spoons on it that say Lyme Regis and things like that with some miniature teapots on it and another duck

Top right is a Dolphin Calendar 2010 and for good measure a cuddly toy.

A mad dog lady

2011-04-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

Last year, we booked the cheapest break ever to Costa Brava. The flights on Ryanair were £2 so add the credit card charge on and it came to £14 each. Found accommodation right near the beach for £7.50 a night. How bad could it be? Repeated my pre-bargainous holiday mantra of "Will be luxurious compared to camping, whatever it''s like. " I like camping, so all would be fine.
Peter Stringfellow But Dug Up was on the plane. He used a peg as a book mark. This meant he was probably staying in out hotel and was going to murder us.
The other £2 flight passengers were alright. Some lads on a stag do to Barcelona who believed Michael O'Leary when he listed the flight as going to Girona ( Barcelona). They looked a bit pissed off when we later saw them asking taxi drivers for quotes. Especially the Self Appointed King of The Plane And The Kitty one." Don't think he had enough in his kitty for the 150 euro journey.
Anyway, we got a transfer for a tenner, there was no sign of Peter Stringfellow and we arrived in Lloret at the accommodation block. There was a hand written sign on the door with a list of guests expected and instructions to ring number 45. We weren't on the list, so I didn't know whether to ring the bell or not. Instead I rang the number the mobile number we were given when booking and said in Spanish something like " hello , we have a reservation but we are not on the door"
"Where are you? " said a woman.
I said we were downstairs and she said to come up to number 45.
*
We knocked on the door of number 45 and even though it opened silently, in my head it creaked. A little dog ran out and licked us. I instantly decided she was a mentalist. There was nothing about her that would make you think she was crazy, I think I'd just taken in all the surroundings in the way you do when your fight or flight response is triggered. I'd noticed and labelled everything as crazy like I was the terminator.

As she shuffled about gathering what seemed like hundreds of pieces of paper, I began to take in the surroundings of her weird office cum bedroom cum kitchen. It smelt of school gravy.
The first I noticed was the vase on the table. It was half heartedly wrapped up in tin foil which proved to me her favourite thing in the world to do right now would be to kill us and eat us. Next to the vase was a basket of bread. That's not weitrd in itself but it is when you see it contained half eaten and broken chunks of around fifteen different types of bread and even more weird when she moved it and put it on the floor.
On the walls were hung different sorts of sausages and then I spotted on the sink drainer a bowl full of bones. There another, then on another surface a plate with more bones and gravy.
Oh Good God in Heaven, I was going to be eaten alive.
After what seemed like hours of her stapling and filling in forms, she asked to take our passports. I would be dead in hours, I was sure of it.
She jotted down our passport numbers, handed them back and gave us the room key. We got the lift down to the room, relieved to leave the stale bread , bones and tin foil room.
But if her room was like that, would we have our own bowls of bones in our room.
Well, no.
It was lovely, bordering on luxurious, a one bedroomed apartment with comfy furniture and a balcony with a great sea view. I was so relieved. For a minute or two. Until it occurred to me if I was a mad dog lady who wanted to eat British people, I'd give them luxurious rooms for £7.50 a night too, you wouldn't give them a shit-hole so they left to go somewhere else.
I didn't sleep well that night.

Mad cat ladies

2011-04-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

When I grow up, I want to be a mad cat lady.
This woman is my inspiration

Interior design with Findus Crispy Pancakes

2011-03-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

I really like the wall coverings at the end of this advert.

I might attach some Fray Bentos pie tins to my bedroom wall. Anyone got a nail gun?

Interesting St.Patricks Day outfit

2011-03-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

I was just doing a search for a yellow dress for me hols. Typed in "yellow dress", couple of nice things popped up and then this!

How very bizarre. Then I spotted they do other colours, so if you fancy something unusual to wear on St.Patrick's Day- maybe try this?

Maybe not.

Anyway, Happy St. Patricks Day and remember:

“If you're lucky enough to be Irish, then you're lucky enough.”

Happy ST

2011-03-16T09:15:00.001-07:00

Dear The Co-Op

2011-03-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Dear The Co-Op,
Quite often I go to the Co-Op just before you close so I can get loaves for 25p and all manner of other things that I don't really need. I just buy them cos they are 10p or whatever.
Have you considered reducing the price of the bread and stuff to 10p first thing in the morning while it is still fresh?I only ask because a lot of things I buy that have the reduced stickers on them are a bit stale or gone off. I don't think it is a coincidence because it happens most days.
If you did this I would buy loads more things that I didn't need but I will need to save some money for my daysaver bus ticket. They say it's a saver but it's still blooming pricey and yesterday on the 76, this woman was reading all the stories out of the Metro to her friend and saying things like" what a bloody shame" or "they should hang the lot of them". I might get a taxi if I save enough money.
Please send me some free samples of bread that is not gone off.
Mrs Ignatia

Bristol To Digbeth via Hell- Céad Mile Fáilte Part 2

2011-03-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

So we were at Bristol bus station and my god, was it offensive. Why do people who have nothing interesting to say talk so loudly? There were the roughest women I had ever seen in my life. They walked John Wayne and said over and over again that they were " going to be skanking it on the dancefloor later". Then they did overenthusiastic dance moves to illustrate the skanking. It didn't look very nice. Then there were some crusties drinking some white cider and singing. Then there was a woman shouting about getting a seat. I nipped outside for a ciggy and some other bloody weirdo approached me. Telling me how she normally stays in the YMCA, and I should go there as there are all sorts of people. I don't think I like all sorts of people. I think I like people who just shut up and leave me alone.
On the coach, there were children with screams that would curdle the blood of the most prolific serial killer.
The crusties had a singalong, the skanking women got louder and louder, the shouty woman didn't get a seat next to her son and told people about it for the whole journey.
The driver had a digital clock and I could see the reflection in the window. It said 82.05. And it felt like it.
Have never been so happy to arrive in Digbeth and I am never getting a coach again. Although I might , if it's only a quid.

céad míle fáilte or why I wanted to kiss the ground on returning to Digbeth

2011-03-03T05:01:00.000-08:00

As we approached Digbeth, I was a bit apprehensive about the bargain £1 coach trip we booked to Bristol. All seemed a bit too good to be true. As a regular Ryanair passenger, I'm used to mingling with strange people in confined spaces. And how bad could it be? It was only two hours and then we'd be on the train to the Brummie mecca of Weston-Super-Mare for seaside fun. The new coach station is amazing, feels like you are at the airport. There were only a couple of nutters about- like the snaggled tooth ed, dirty hair and coat man who asked us if we were going to Heathrow because he wanted to tell us that's where he was going. He said he was emigrating. I was glad as I didn't want to talk to him ever again. Then we learned there was a delay and an angry pensioner decided to tell me she wanted compensation and a cup of tea to make up for the half hour delay. We needed to wait for an engineer to fix the wing mirror, and I really didn't mind as I wanted to stay in the coach station as it was so lovely. When they said it may be an hour, we thought about alternative adventures- after all it was only a pound and it would be pretty late getting to Weston, so we talked ourselves down to Dudley Zoo and went wandering in Digbeth to pass the time. We got back just as the coach was boarding- looked like they had sellotaped the mirror back on. Didn't manage to get seats together, but sat across the aisle and everyone seemed pretty nice and as a bonus clean. They were nothing like Ryanair passengers.

There was a wiry undergraduate in front of me reading Jean Paul Satre and a couple of teacher looking types in front of DH. one was reading a politics magazine and his missus reading a magazine about literature. Nothing like the biro-armed screaming children of a Ryanair flight. The friendly driver cheerily introduced himself. It was lovely.
So we travelled onto Weston, ate chips, went to the pier, I even had a paddle. There was wonderfully evocative pineapple rock too from an old fashioned sweet store. It was a lovely day.
Had a lovely pint in a lovely pub in Bristol and then decided to get to the bus station early so we could get a seat together. Before we got there though, someone had created a portal to hell and all that ever was or had ever been evil in the world was sat right there at Bristol coach station and they were all getting on our bus.

To be continued.... probably tomorrow

Dear other train people

2011-02-18T05:02:00.001-08:00

Hello London Midland,
I had a horrible train journey, had to stand all the way, there was no buffet service
and I was dying for a cuppa.
I can't remember the exact time of the train as this was sometime in 1989, but it could have been
1990. I think I was on a train to Wolverhampton, but it might have
been Coventry. Probably wasn't a London Midland train either- I seem to remember it was blue so it might have been British Rail.
Anyway, seeing as British Rail doesn't exist, I thought I would complain to you instead.
Have you got any free train tickets or anything like that? Please post them to me.
Thanks very much,
Mrs Ignatia

Dear Mrs Ignatia

Thank you for your e-mail.

I'm sorry but I am unable to meet your request.

Yours sincerely,

SC
Customer Relations Advisor

Beer Cans of Birmingham 2011 Calendar

2010-10-29T03:59:00.000-07:00

I dunno why, but I thought it would be interesting to take photographs of beer cans I find lying around in the streets of Birmingham and make them into a calendar.
Then I published it so people can buy it.

So here's some more pics from the calendar:

Imagine the joy you will experience with these lovely images
on your wall all year round. There's plenty of space to
write in all your appointments and just think, when you are scribbling in the kid's football practice and dentist appointments and sighing because it seems you never have a second to yourself- you can give thanks you are not drinking special brew on the streets.

I had a lovely write up from the guys at Eight Cuts who said:

OK, we love amazing photography, and we love the obscure, the weird, and the delightful, so this is just about heaven. Beer Cans of Birmingham is a calendar featuring 12 really rather excellent, poignant, and rather sad (oh, bugger it, quit the pretension, excellent yes but hell, they’re BEER CANS) pictures of just that, as taken by super-talented photographer and comic genius @LizabethSheena.

It’s yours here for £9.79 or here in a luxury version for £14.24. And if you don’t buy at least one person one of these for Christmas then you probably need to see a doctor.

Thrifty Travelling

2010-10-03T03:35:00.000-07:00

Dear the Virgin Trains/ Lord Richard Branson,
Your highness,
On Thursday evening, my husband and I travelled to that London on Virgin Trains.
We arrived in London at 9pm and went straight to the hotel. I don't like to pay more than a tenner
for accommodation, but as it was London, we were fleeced £91 a night to stay in a small room on the 8th floor.
At check in, there was a rotund businessman asking the man at reception where he could get a curry and two girls.
I don't know this is the normal thing to do in London on a Thursday night, but you don't get people
in hotels in Benidorm asking for a prawn madras and two prostitutes.
I am writing this in a pub opposite Euston station, waiting for our train.
There's a poster here advertising Scampi in a cup for £3. What kind of strange London craziness thing is this?

A cup? Why is it in a cup? Who would want to have their scampi in a cup? I am a bit hungry actually, I think it's because I am so tired. So would you be if you tried to sleep in the world's most uncomfortable bed.
It was basically V- shaped, so every time I moved, I would roll towards the centre of the bed and
clash heads with the hubby. Plus the bed was on castors so the bed would roll around at the slightest movement. It was really small as well. I'm 5'8 so judging by how much of my lower legs were hanging out of the "bed", I'd say it was about 4'8 long. And it was really hot in there too.
Wondered how the rotund businessman was getting on with his curry and the two prostiutes.
I hope for everyone's sake he didn't have a V shaped bed on wheels that would fly around the room at the slightest movement.
It was the worst hotel I have ever stayed at in my life. It was diabolical. I might write and complain, I am so cross about it.

Please can you send me two vouchers. One for me and one for my husband so we can have unlimited travel on Virgin Trains for life? Cheers.
Have to go now, my scampi is here.
Love from
Mrs Ignatia

Dear Mrs Ignatia,

Thank you for your email. I note your request for unlimited travel. However, we are unable to make this offer to you.

I also note you were unhappy with your hotel accommodation, and may I suggest you contact the hotel directly with your comments.

Regards

Virgin Trains Customer Relations

Dear Heinz

2010-09-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

Hello Heinz people,
I simply have something I want to tell you.
The other day , I was at my parent's and we were all watching Deal or No Deal. My dad started saying that the banker knew what was in the box, and that was the whole point of the game. I said that he didn't as the game would be a bit pointless, and then my mom joined in as well saying that the banker did know what was in the box.
It all got a bit heated and my mom said she didn't care anyway because Noel Edmonds was an idiot.
Have you got any free beans or spaghetti hoops and anything like that?
Thanks
Mrs Ignatia

Dear Mrs Ignatia,

Thank you for your Email contact, but I am afraid we are not able to give away samples of our goods.

I am sorry to give you this disappointing answer, but I hope you will understand our position.

We would like to tell you about www.heinzoffers.co.uk By registering with us through 'Heinz Offers' you will be kept in touch about Heinz promotions and new products, so sign up today and receive our next emailed newsletter.

Yours sincerely

Heinz

Dear Heinz,

Mrs Ignatia