Sheila's Morning Pages

Kasandra is the Victim

2015-07-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

The news coverage this week has been inundated with the issue of gun control, when it should have been about the tragic murder of a beautiful young mother in the prime of her life. But, 22-year-old Kasandra Perkins, murdered in cold blood, this past Saturday by her boyfriend Jovan Belcher, the Kansas City Chiefs linebacker, garnered little attention.

My heart breaks for the Perkins family and my prayers go out to them for their loss and to the young daughter who will grow up without ever knowing either of her parents.

I'm not particularly interested in sports, that's my husband's forte, but I was shocked by the news coverage. Kasandra, the VICTIM in this tragedy seems to have been forgotten, lost in a sea of spin from gun control advocates. The news media and pundits on every channel spouted statics about guns and violence or football related concussive injuries, anything to divert this horrific act away from Jovan Belcher and the NFL.

There have been a number of theories as to why Jovan committed such a heinous crime from brain damage due to repeated head trauma to steroids or mental illness. We'll never know for sure. What we do know is he had a history of domestic violence going back to 2006, but no one is talking about that and no one is talking about Kassandra.

Instead, everyone is mourning the loss of Jovan Belcher. Teams have a moment of silence before games. Really???? Where is the moment of silence for Kassandra?

Where is the discussion on domestic violence? Where is the outcry from the women's groups?

Jovan Belcher chose a profession knowing full well the toll it would take on his body, including his mind. Yet, he did it anyway. He did it for the money.

So, here is a reality check.

Mr. Belcher is not the victim. He knew what he was doing. He was an abusive, cold-blooded murderer and a coward.

Kasandra was the victim, as was her daughter.

This not about gun control and violence. Guns don't kill people; people without morals, values and self-control kill people.

This isn't about a head injury to football players and finding a way to excuse for horrific act, as some are trying to do; If Jovan could decide plays on the football field, he sure as hell knew the choice he was making when he pulled the trigger. He left Kassandra no choice.

Lucky Kids

2013-08-03T04:47:00.000-07:00

It isn't often I stop another man in public and offer him a compliment, especially when my husband is with me. But a few days ago, I witnessed something that impressed me and I couldn't let the moment pass.

While shopping for a housewarming gift, I heard the unmistakable sound of merchandise tumbling from the shelf on the aisle next to me. Grateful it wasn't me knocking things over, I ignored the commotion until a blur rushed by. The next words and the tone of concern piqued my interest.

"Honey, are you all right?"

I peeked over the shelves in time to see a rather large man rush to the side of a young preteen girl. Her reply was too low for me to hear, but she looked relieved.

He patted her back. "It's okay, nothing broke." His voice was gentle. "Let me help you." He knelt beside her and together they returned each item to its rightful place. He stood, smiled, gave her a reassuring pat on the back, and moved away, leaving her to shop on her own, once again. He left her with no words of reproach or caution to watch what she was doing. He headed in my direction to resume his own shopping as if nothing had happened.

I thought of the many times I'd witnessed other children in similar situations and the reaction of other parents.

The small child smacked on their tiny hand, bottom, or jerked away from the store shelves for simply mimicking mommy. The angry and frustrated mother, "I told you not touch!" The language changes as children grow but the reaction is often the same.

"Get away from there."

"If you break that it's coming out of your allowance."

"Do you think I'm made of money?"

Much like the economy, patience is running thin in families across our nation. Our society is in turmoil to the point we are now debating the meaning of family, but as I observed this stranger with his daughter it was clear to me this man was an active, involved father and he understood completely the meaning of family. He gave me hope.

"Excuse me Sir," I said.

Replacing an item on the shelf, he turned to me. "Yes?" He said. His smile was warm and welcoming. Faint crows feet crinkled in curiosity, as he looked right at me. I could see why his daughter felt safe.

"I wanted to tell you how impressed I was with how you handled your daughter's mishap a few minutes ago. So often, I see parents get angry with their children when something like that happens, but your first concern was for your daughter, not the merchandise. It was wonderful to witness such parental love and patience."

He seemed surprised."Why, thank you, but we have five children, we're used to seeing lots of things get broken." He chuckled.

"Well, I just thought you should know, you're a great example for fathers."

"Thank you. I do my best."

"Lucky kids." I said, walking away.

A laugh a Day...

2013-04-12T08:51:00.001-07:00

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old;

you grow old because you stop laughing."

Michael Pritchard

Okay, I admit this is not mine; I can't take credit for it. This little gem, as the rumor goes, has been making the Internet rounds, but based on the last six months around our house my husband and I could relate. We enjoyed the best belly laugh we had in a long time. It felt good. Laughing together gave us a moment we shared the rest of the day. So laugh away. Laughter is indeed good for the soul.

A Senior Moment

This tale is about a woman's senior moment at the office and the search

for her car keys.

The keys were nowhere to be found in the office, so she figured she must have left them in the car. She headed for the parking lot, thinking about the many times her husband had scolded her for leaving the keys in the ignition. When she reached the parking lot, it was empty. She immediately called the police to report her car stolen. Then she made the most difficult call.

"Honey," she said when her hubby answered. "I left my keys in the car, and it's been stolen."

"Are you kidding me? I dropped you off at the office," he said

Embarrassed she said, "Well, will you come and get me?" He retorted, "I will as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car." Spartanburg Herald Journal

"You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants." - Stephen King

Want to Read a Page Turner?

2013-03-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

I've always been an avid reader, but this past year I let other things distract me. Well, there's nothing quite like a page turner to get one back in the mood. Andrew Kaufman's The Lion, the Lamb, the Haunted: A Psychological Thriller had me hooked from page one.

A reporter with an unusual, secret obsessive-compulsive behavior sets out to uncover buried secrets from his damaged past. The unique voice of the author and the main character's journey will keep you riveted.

I gave this book four out of five stars. I thought the author missed an opportunity to add even more conflict and tension to this thriller had he allowed a relationship to develop between the main character and the female reporter. I'm a sucker for romance.

Nevertheless, this a great book and I will be reading more of Mr. Kaufman.

Curve Balls

2013-01-24T08:48:00.000-08:00

Are there days you wish you were young again and the only decision you had to make was which color of crayon to use with the picture you were drawing? I've wished that a lot in the last week or so, especially when I had to make some tough decisions, the kind I didn't want to make.

As I've said before, "Things don't always go as planned," and for the last year flexibility has taken on new meaning for me and my family as I dodge one curve ball after another. But just so you know, I've become a damn good catcher. Maybe I'll have a story to tell when it's all said and done.

Stay tuned.

Inspiration in Motion

2013-01-07T21:55:00.001-08:00

I realize we are a week into the New Year, however a friend sent this to me and it was so beautiful I had to share it with all of you. If this doesn't inspire you to write, nothing will.

"The New Year lies before you, like a spotless track of snow; be careful how you tread on it, for every mark will show."

Not a Bad Start

2013-01-05T04:38:00.000-08:00

My first week of 2013, was not a bad start. I managed to squeak out a my daily prompts, a so-so poem, critiques for my writing group, and write around 500 words on a new project. All in the midst of taking down Christmas decorations and returning the household to a "normal routine."

Of course, "normal" has new a meaning at our house these days. Sure, I would have preferred to have written more words per day, but given the disruptions over the last few months, I'll take the 500 words.

I'm exploring new ways to inspire ideas and to ignite my stories. But, I'll have to wait and see where the wind takes me this next week. I never know from day to day.

Intuition

2012-12-21T06:13:00.000-08:00

I can't believe Christmas is here. The week has flown by with last-minute preparations for family, and as the year winds down, I'm contemplating the direction I want my writing to go for next year. As, of now, I'm now sure which direction I plan to go, but I'll share more later. In the meantime, I along with the rest of you will be taking a few days off to be with family and friends to enjoy this sacred holiday.
But, before I go, I'd like to pass on a great article, I read this week, The Moo of Intuition.

The article was written by one of my friends Nan Lundeen, author of The Pantyhose Declarations. Nan teaches The Moo of Writing Workshop, and you can find her columns in Female First.

This week she wrote about listening to your intuition, and the role it plays in our creativity. For me, listening to intuition goes hand in hand with authenticity, especially in writing, staying in tune to both is the key. I highly recommend Nan's article.

You can find her book, The Pantyhose Declarations at Amazon, and it's on sale now for those of you who may still be looking for last-minute gifts.

Merry Christmas and God Bless

"Why?"

2012-12-16T18:43:00.000-08:00

There is less Christmas joy in the air, this week. The merry season is forever tainted. Our nation is still reeling from the tragedy that unfolded, two days ago, in Newton Connecticut. We can't wrap our heads around the insanity of such an act against innocent children. That it happened so close to Christmas, a time families cherish with their children, only adds to the horror. And, we are all left asking "Why?"

The truth is, there is no "why." There is no "one" explanation for why bad things happen to good people. I wish there were, and then we could stop it, eradicate it.

These parent's will be grieving for a long time. They have every right to scream to the Heavens, "Why?" I can only imagine their grief and pain. I pray for them every night.

But, the politicians and lobbyists shouldn't try to answer that question for these families by promoting their own agenda's. They should leave them alone.

There may come a time when one or more of the families choose to take up a cause in the name of their child, but that should be, must be, their choice, not a choice driven by the media or politics.

This is not about gun control, violence in Hollywood, the music industry and their influence, or how inept our nation is in helping the mentally ill. These issues are important and worth discussing, but NOT NOW.

This is about 26 innocent victims, 20 of them children, killed less than two weeks before Christmas. For those families and surviving siblings, Christmas will never be the same. For journalists and politicians to exploit these grieving families to further their own agendas, is but another tragedy.

It is up to us, society, and to those close to the families to help them as best we can by offering our prayers, words of comfort, and help protect them from opportunistic journalists and politicians. Tell them to let these families grieve in peace.

To the families of Newton, Connecticut, you are in my prayers.

Christmas Magic

2012-12-08T13:32:00.000-08:00

Christmas is just around the corner, and we adults are hustling and bustling, to buy the perfect gift for everyone on our list. By now we'd received all kinds of hints and a few suggestions (lists, to make our shopping experience easier).

Christmas is for the little ones, but my children are adults now with families of their own, and on Christmas morning, my husband and I will wake up in an empty old house. I'm sure Christmas morning will be lovely, but the sound and excitement of little ones are but an echo. As a result, the season has lost a little of its magic.

Months of commercialization sap the life out of the Christmas spirit and crowds of shoppers which grow every year, are overwhelming. By the time, my family arrives on Christmas Eve, I'm worn out from shopping, wrapping presents, decorating and baking. I'm just ready for the New Year to begin.

But, in an instant a precious grandchild can bring the magic back, and remind us all of the true spirit of Christmas.

It isn't about the most expensive or trendy gift but a gift from the heart. My seven-year-old granddaughter's school sponsored a Santa Shoppe for students where each child would have the opportunity to purchase Christmas presents for their parents, and friends; the prices ranged from $1-$5.

Included on my granddaughter's Christmas list was her daddy, a construction worker. She spotted the perfect gift the minute she walked into Santa's Shoppe.

Her daddy often received calls after hours, and on more than one occasion, she watched him go out to his van at night. Unable to see well enough to unlock the door to his van, he always came back, grumbling in search of a flashlight.

What did my seven year-old granddaughter buy her daddy for Christmas?

A keychain flashlight.

Her thoughtfulness brought him to tears. How do I know? She couldn't wait to give it to him.

Often it's the small things that make the biggest differences in our lives.

This is the spirit of Christmas. The magic is back.

Two Steps Forward, Three Back

2012-12-05T13:01:00.000-08:00

Every year Christmas season seems to come earlier. Before Halloween decorations are down the Christmas lights are going up, and the shopping frenzy begins.

Tis' the season to be merry with Christmas lights, music, and decorations filling the stores, crowds of people materialize from nowhere and everywhere. The hours of the day are suddenly crammed with to-do-list so full it makes my head spin.

I wonder how I ever managed to work a full time job, raise a family and still finish the things on my list. Hats off to young mothers everywhere. Maybe it's my age, who knows, but for whatever reason, my list keeps growing. It feels as if I'm taking two steps forward and three steps back.

All I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other; I'll eventually accomplish what I set out to do. For now, I intend to relax, enjoy a bit of this Christmas spirit, and my family. There's sure to be a few stories I can glean from this crew!

Decisions

2012-11-30T13:02:00.000-08:00

There's an old saying I keep in my desk drawer. I pull it out every now and again when I need to be reminded. Today was one of those days.

"Indecision is like a dull knife that hacks and tears, leaving ragged edges behind."

When I worked, making decisions came easy. Perhaps, it was the added responsibility, or the multi-tasking. Regardless of the reason, in my professional life it was easy.

I can't say the same, now. I'm always the holdup when we go out to dinner. Unable to decide between two menu items, the waitress will end up waiting on at least two other tables before I can make a decision, and in the mean time I have to listen to my family's stomach's growling and their protest urging me to "just pick something."

Shopping isn't much different. I no longer have my best friend, having lost her three years ago, so it's less fun and deciding which shoe or dress I like the best has become exhausting.

So, you can imagine my consternation today, when I was handed a bigger, more important decision to make, especially when someone close to me differed in their opinion about what I should do. Boy did I feel those ragged edges.

I sat back, thought about it for a long time, and remembered who I was. I may not make the same high-powered, fast-pace decisions I once did, but I am still the same person. I haven't forgotten the process. Decisions are like a sharp razor quick and smooth, leaving no ragged edges in sight. I know and I will.

Best Laid Plans

2012-11-29T06:08:00.001-08:00

I had the best plans laid out yesterday morning. I was up bright and early at my keyboard, ready with an article outlined for Cow Pasture Chronicles, and Morning Pages was brewing in my head. I had pulled my notes and was prepared to start back to work on my novel, mid-morning, when....

Well, stuff happened... Instead of getting any of those things accomplished I end up spending the next twelve hours in the emergency room with my daughter. It wasn't as simple as the flu, but she will be fine. It's going to require more family support, but taking care of family is my top priority, right now. Even, the best laid plans don't always work out.

So, what is the writer supposed to do? Here are a few of my suggestions.

Schedule like hell.
Make a to-do-list
Use micro moments of time - use travel time to revise, or work on previous pieces.
Have a notebook and pen with you at all times, even at the bedside to jot down ideas, outline notes, etc.
Assign a limited time to social networking each day, otherwise you may find yourself wasting enormous amounts of time.
To save time group tasks together.
Learn to say,"No" to unnecessary drains on your time.
And, keep on writing one word at a time.

Another Year

2012-11-27T07:54:00.000-08:00

Well, another year older, another year wiser. Yeah, right! Today is my birthday. I won't bother revealing which one. Suffice it to say, on the one hand, the number depresses me, and on the other, I'm happy to still be here, the alternative is not very appealing. So, I'll take this birthday and enjoy it. My husband often tells me to relax and enjoy the aging process.

"You can't do anything about it, honey, you might as well enjoy it." I roll my eyes and walk away.

He's one of those men who believe women should grow old gracefully.

"I think you would look beautiful with gray hair. I don't see why you need to go to the hairdresser. " He tells me.

I hand him my hairdresser's card. "She'll be doing my hair till the day I die and for my funeral, understand." I tell him.

He shakes his head and puts the card in his shirt pocket. But, as time passes I think he might be on to something.

I still go to the hairdresser and I do what I can to fight the aging process, but there are advantages to accepting where I am in life. It seems everywhere I go, I've been there, done that and not much in life surprises me anymore, including people. So, I can sit back, relax and choose where, when and how I want to enjoy the ride of life.

Shopping and a birthday lunch sound like a good place to start today.

Cursive anyone?

2012-11-25T12:27:00.001-08:00

I read an article in the paper today by the Associated Press, stating 45 states are planning to adopt national curriculum guidelines in English and math that don't include cursive handwriting. These 2014 guidelines, will, however, require students to be proficient in keyboarding by the time they exit elementary school. Thank God, not all states agree. California, Georgia, and Massachusetts, have added cursive to their requirements, some states have left it as an option, while other states are still riding the fence.

I can hear the outcry already from some of you reading this post. "It's outdated, antiquated, everyone prints, we're a digitized society, everything is done on computers," and, the list goes on. In fact, those are some of the arguments used by the states, eliminating cursive from the curriculum, but I want to present my view.

Let me first disclose I love my tech gadgets. I have an iPhone, two Mac's, and a Kindle. I am somewhat addicted, I admit, but I also appreciate and love things from the past. Although, I love the convenience of downloading a book instantly or being able to carry thousands of books in my purse, there is nothing that can replace the feel of turning a page or the smell of a hardback book as I sit entranced, cuddled up reading by the fire.

And while my iPhone maybe attached to my hip, and I love being able to access my emails, documents, calendar or make a call whenever I want to, I hate texting with a passion. I believe it is the number one thing that has changed the way we as human beings interact and communicate with one another, especially forming intimate bonds. People have stopped talking to each other and we've lost the art of communication.

Every week I receive in my email, a letter, usually old and written in cursive. Letters of Note, are letters, cards and postcards from all over the world, each one with a story to tell. The eloquence of their words makes me wish we still wrote letters to one another. The cursive handwriting, it tells a story. I look at the pictures of the letters and it's as if I am seeing the person who wrote the letter. I feel their spirit. The letters are touching; they move me. They, make me laugh, cry, cheer me on, and sometimes make me wish I had lived in a different time.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm all for progress, but we shouldn't lose who we are in the process. We shouldn't forget where we came from or who are. We shouldn't throw away something that reveals so much of who we are. How many times have you watched someone run their hands over the handwritten page of a letter to feel the words written from the soul of their loved one? It's as if they could feel them. It may sound like a simple thing, but a signature is more than our name. It represents us, our honor, our integrity, our word. Somehow taking that away from our children in the name of progress, just doesn't feel right.
Cursive anyone?

Saturday Evening Post

2012-11-24T17:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, perhaps I should call this the Saturday Evening Post, but I have a good excuse. I have been gone all day; hell, I don't think I've stopped all weekend. I should get a medal for starting a new blog on Thanksgiving weekend! I don't usually get out on Black Friday either, but my daughter was home from Washington, so what can I say... It was a long day. Mission accomplished.

After a wonderful day with family, feasting till our bellies ached, I spent a fun-filled afternoon playing in our family's annual Thanksgiving corn-hole tournament. It has been a busy and productive weekend, and I am happy to report I can now check a few items off my to-do-list.

1. Thanksgiving dinner (no drama) - check!
2. Safe arrival of daughter - check!
3. Successful corn-hole tournament - check!
4. Completed my Christmas shopping - check!
5. Finished my critiques - check!
6. Morning Posts - check!

My list is still long but I'm getting there. How about yours? Do you use a list to help you stay focused? Leave me a comment or reply. Tell me what keeps you focused.

Black Friday

2012-11-23T07:24:00.000-08:00

It is Black Friday and the official Christmas holiday shopping season has begun. I swear it gets earlier every year. I don't have my decorations up yet, I'm sure many of you do. I'm old fashioned, preferring to get through one holiday, before starting on the next one. At my age, hurrying time is not something I'm eager to do.

And besides, I'm still hung over from all the turkey and dressing from yesterday, which, if you're out shopping today might be a good thing. You'll need the nourishment to withstand all the crowds and long lines. I hear it's a madhouse out there and patience can run thin when you're being elbowed and shoved by complete strangers.

Channeling Martha Stewart

2012-11-22T08:21:00.000-08:00

Holiday Dinner (Photo credit: cjmartin)

I have a love-hate relationship with magazines that promote the "perfect holiday table setting," you can add Martha Stewart and the other like minded home designers in there, too. Don' t get me wrong, I love to set a beautiful holiday table. It is one of my favorite things to do, but the family is growing, we're up to almost 20 people in my family now, and growing. Setting a beautiful table can be expensive!

This Thanksgiving, I had to pull out folding tables, buy more dishes, silverware, glasses and cloth napkins. Because of the added cost, my centerpieces and decorations suffered. I couldn't do everything.

The holidays are one occasion I get to channel the creativity of Martha Stewart, Betty Homemaker and the lessons of Mrs. Beeckman and share them with my loved ones, especially the little ones who love it and soak it up like sponges.

My family is simple, easy going and unpretentious. Truth is, they're, more at ease eating off paper plate buffet style than they are eating off fine china, but each major holiday I see the enjoyment on their faces as we gather around one of my beautifully set tables. It has become a tradition. They look forward to these occasions. They prefer the cloth napkins, now, and even the youngest recognizes the difference between a salad and dinner fork and knows how to set a proper table.

So, As long as it brings a smile to their faces, I'll keep adding new dishes and folding tables. They'll be no paper plates or buffet lines at our holiday celebrations, but I might need to send a note to Martha. "We're in a recession, how about lowering the prices, or haven't you heard."

It's these types of traditions that make memories and for which I am most grateful. I'd love to hear about your family traditions. Leave me a comment. Happy Thanksgiving!

Being Grateful

2012-11-21T10:57:00.002-08:00

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Today I will spend cleaning and baking and reflecting on the things, I am most grateful. The dictionary defines being Grateful as a feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; being thankful. Voices of gratitude are louder this time of a year, wouldn't it be nice to hear them all year long. There used to be a time when we did.

Recently, while antique shopping I came across a book, Etiquette Up To Date by Cornelius (Mrs) Beeckman, 1938. I bought the book out of sheer curiosity and was amazed at the author's insight, the difference in decorum, manners, and how much we're missing today by not teaching gratitude, graciousness, and thoughtfulness. Here are just a few of the pearls of wisdom from Mrs. Beeckman's book:

“Being gracious, being thoughtful, being kind, having a decent regard for the other fellow: this is etiquette- call it good manners, courtesy, common sense, decency, or what you will – "

"People will like you better, and you will like yourself better if you graciously say "Please" and "Thank you" and "I beg your pardon," and " How kind of you to say that" and "You were very good to do that for me" and other illuminated phrases that show you do not live in a world bounded on all sides by yourself."

Sometimes I think we forget how the things we want or do impact other people. It's good to be reminded the world does not revolve around us.

Thanksgiving night as you head off into the Black Friday abyss, and elbow your way through Christmas crowds, remember Mrs. Beeckman and her call for decency and graciousness. Be an example to those around you and to your kids. She said, "Parents are the standard bearers for the child," and I have to agree.

The holiday season is a busy time of baking, stuffing our faces, enjoying family, friends and Christmas shopping. For some it will be thrilling and fun, while others may find it overwhelming, dysfunctional, and stressful. Whichever it turns out for you, be gracious in spirit, thankful, show appreciation and gratitude for God's blessings. Here are some of the many things I am grateful for this Thanksgiving:

1. Family

2. Friends

3. Bountiful food

4. A Roof over our heads and a warm bed to fall into after stuffing ourselves and shopping

5. Money to shop

6. The freedom to do these things

7. Faith

8. Pets

9. Health that is improving

10. Laughter

11. The ability to read

12. The ability to write

13. My readers

Comment and add your list of things to which you are grateful.

And, as we sit down with our families this Thanksgiving and express our gratitude, don't forget those who are less fortunate. Say a prayer for the hungry, the poor, those under persecution in Israel and the American citizens whose lives were devastated by Hurricane Sandy. Donate to the American Red Cross to help with their recovery.

To each one of you may you and your family be blessed and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

No time Like the Present

2012-11-20T08:24:00.002-08:00

These past few months have been eventful for me and, as a result, my writing has taken a back seat.
But, things are settling down, and I am ready to find my way back to a routine that will nurture my writing.

I didn't take a complete hiatus from the keyboard. I managed to write a few short stories, read a couple of books, and keep up with a number of my favorite blogs, among them, The Daily Creative Writer, one of the most interesting and inspirational blogs I have found. The author, Elizabeth Cutright writes often about the importance of daily writing, even during the most hectic of times. She calls these daily musings, morning pages. The more I read, the better I liked the idea.

To say this has been a hectic time for me and my family is putting it mildly and now that we're heading into the holiday season, things aren't going to be slowing down for a while. I knew if I continued to let circumstances dictate my writing time, I may never get it back. It was time to make a decision, to get back on a schedule, to engage my muse, and make writing as routine as eating and breathing. As the saying goes, "There is no time like the present." This is my attempt.

Welcome, to Sheila's Morning Pages. I don't promise great words of wisdom or insight on these morning pages, just that I'll be here sharing and writing. Something. Anything. It is a start. It may be a prompt, a nugget of news, a diagram for grammar, gossip or an opinion piece. I hope you will stay tuned. In the meantime, have a happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday with your family and loved ones. I intend to, but each morning bright and early, I will start my day with morning pages and see where it takes me.