For example, a father may conclude that his son is totally rebellious and has no desire to do anything he is asked to do. This is because in a heated argument his son defiantly refused to do obey.  Dad tells mom later on that he is so disappointed with their son and his bad response.

However, if Dad would calm down for a moment and he might realize that perhaps he had provoked the argument by not being respectful of his son. He had confronted his son while he was having a text conversation. Dad automatically assumed his son was not doing anything important and admonished him to cut the grass like he was supposed to. One thing led to another and the conversation ended with the son saying there was no way he was cutting any grass today or any other day.

Dad was convinced his son was about to go and join the Hell’s Angels, disown God, and had become a slave to his phone.

Mom listened without immediately responding. (A wise move on her part.) Then she said, “Remember that sermon we heard on I Corinthians 13 and that love believes all things and that love is not easily angered?

“Yeah, I remember. May I was a little too pushy.”

Mom, “A little??”

“Okay, a lot. But he was so disrespectful. He will never cut the grass.”

Mom replied as she handed Dad her bible, “Here is something I think would be good for your to read. I love you.”

Dad sat down at the kitchen table and read the following passage:

“What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’

“‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.

“Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.

“Which of the two did what his father wanted?”

“The first,” they answered. Matthew 21:28-31

As he finished reading, he heard the sound of the mower starting up.

Response # 1 —Mom replies with an even but stern voice,“Well, Sarah, that is what discipline is for. Eventually, you will learn that it is wrong to hit when you’re angry. If Mommy disciplines you enough times you will get the message. Please don’t hit Brandon any more. We don’t solve problems by hitting.”

Response # 2 —Mom replies with a tone of exasperation.“I know Sarah, you always say that. But, you just have to learn to be good. How many times must mommy spank you? You shouldn’t do something you know is wrong. Maybe someday you will change.”

Response # 3 —Mom replies in anger, “Sarah, if you wanted to be good and stop hitting Brandon, you would. Mommy is really losing patience with you. Your father and I are going to have a long talk when he gets home. This has got to stop. This is the fourth time this week.”

Response # 4 —Mom responds in dejected frustration,“Sarah, I don’t know what to do with you. Mommy has tried and tried to teach you what is right. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to make you change. I just don’t know what to do.”

All of these responses are performance-based. They result in broken relationships, not healthy ones. Mom is treating Sarah as if she could solve her problem with sin by responding in her own strength, simply by doing what Mommy says. “Just do it,” she says, in effect. The problem is that Sarah, like everyone else on planet Earth, can’t do good in her own strength. All of these first four responses might produce a fine Pharisee, but they will not lead to new life in Christ for your child.

Contrast the first four responses with this next one.

Response # 5 —Mom replies with warmth and understanding, “Sarah, I know you can’t obey by yourself. I know that. But that is why Jesus died on the cross, because we can’t do it ourselves. Remember the Bible says that Jesus died so that we would have new life. You can’t obey in your own strength, but you can obey in Jesus’ strength. Let’s pray right now and ask Jesus to help.” Mom then leads Sarah in prayer.

“Dear God, please help me to obey you and love you. I just can’t do it by myself. Please forgive me for hitting Brandon. Please help me to trust you. I know that you are the only one who can help me be different and turn my heart to you. Please help me to obey Mommy and to obey you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

This simple little prayer addresses the issues at hand. Sarah needs Jesus to help her to obey. Sarah acknowledges that she must change. She turns to Christ for help. This is good for Mom as well. She also identifies with the struggles of the heart raised in this prayer.

At this point I can imagine someone thinking, “What four-year-old child is going to come up with that prayer? Are you kidding me?!?”

Your four-year-old can “come up with this prayer” the same way the disciples came up with the Lord’s Prayer. You teach it to her, just as Jesus taught the Lord’s Prayer to the disciples. Luke 11 records that Jesus taught His disciples His prayer word for word. This is how you start with your children. Help them pray by teaching them word for word what to say to God. Teach your children to pray phrase by phrase, by repeating each phrase after you say it. Jesus didn’t wait for His disciples to become spiritual enough to know what to pray and how to pray. He told them what to say and how to pray, word for word. Spirituality doesn’t come by waiting for it to appear. Spirituality comes by teaching what the Holy Spirit has written at the time it is needed. When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray, He taught them word for word—in the middle of their everyday lives. Jesus taught his disciples everyday prayer.

“Disturb us, O Lord, when we are too pleased with ourselves, when our dreams come true because we dream too little; when we have arrived in safety because we have sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, O Lord, when with the abundance of the things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the water of life;  when having fallen in love with time, we have ceased to dream of eternity, and in our efforts to build the new earth, have allowed our vision of the new heaven to grow dim. Stir us, O Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas where storms shall show thy mastery and, when losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. In the name of Him who pushed back the horizons of our hopes and invited the brave to follow, even the name of Christ Jesus, our Lord.”

Sir Francis Drake

The third sense of the word is one of being overwhelmed by greatness. In the Bible, God is described as so good, so great, and so powerful that fear of Him is an automatic response. Isaiah experiences this when he encounters the living God:

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.” Isaiah 6:5

Isaiah is not just overwhelmed, he is undone! The character and holiness of God is more than he can endure. Isaiah directly encountered the Living God. He is blown away at the majestic holiness and wonder of God. This is what it means to fear God and why that fear is a good thing.

What God does and who he is should produce awe and fear on this scale. There is no one else who is like him. This is even more the case when we consider that God forgives sins. The psalmist is gripped by this when he speaks of fear and forgiveness in Psalm 130:1-4:

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD:

O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

The forgiveness of sins is so spectacular that we can only look in fear and wonder at the God who forgives. Forgiveness is not just a pass to keep us from being in trouble. Forgiveness means that my sins have been covered and I can have a relationship with God. It is an event that should bring us to a holy fear of a holy God.

This is the truth about forgiveness and fear that you want your children to grasp. We can only forgive because of what Christ has done for us. Apart from God granting forgiveness, man would have no comprehension of what it means to forgive. Instead, we would only know revenge and restitution. It would never occur to us to forgive someone if God had not done it first in Christ.

Parent, are you blown away by a godly, wonderful, and yes, terrifying fear because your sins are forgiven? If you aren’t, don’t expect your children to be either. Model the healthy fear of God in response to his forgiveness of your sins. Lead your children to the Cross and the wonder of Christ, who forgives our sins. He is worthy to be feared because he forgives!

Psalm 62 says this:

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

my hope comes from him.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

The direct implication of these words is that all of us, including our children, will be shaken by life in some way. This fact is unavoidable. This Psalm teaches that it is not enough to offer a rational explanation of why there are no scary creatures in the closet. In addition, you must also point to God as the ultimate reason for security. He is the reason for not being afraid. Learning to love God is the first step to being free of being dominated by fear.

Just because there is nothing scary in closet now, doesn’t mean you can always guarantee that there won’t be at some point in the future, as in 5 minutes from now. This  is how children think. And they are right! The secure guarantee that you can offer is that God is always God, he is always good. God will always be our fortress no matter what is in the closet.

This is why you want to be use words with restraint and with an even-temper. You don’t want to say anything that distracts from the main message of Christ by using worn out  phrases such as these:

How many times have I told you not to…

When will you ever learn…

Enough is enough…

Can’t you see that I’m busy..

How old are you…

It never ends…

Who did it…

Why can’t you just…

Now you’ve done it…

If you would just obey…

This makes God unhappy…

That’s it…

These responses are not really thought out – they flow from frustration. They roll off your tongue without thinking. They are words that are best not spoken. Rather, it is good to speak words that encourage your children to trust Christ. Instead of the above phrases, focus on pointing to Christ. Try using words like these:

You know I love you. I know it is easy to trust yourself instead of God. Remember how we talked about that?

It is frustrating to try and obey in your own strength, isn’t it? Let’s ask God for help right now.

No matter how many times we mess up, God will always hear you and help you.

Thank you for asking for help, it is really cool to help you trust Jesus for strength to obey.

I know it is really hard to trust God sometimes, let’s talk with him about it right now.

These words are pleasant words. They are consistent with wanting God’s best for your children. They are words that build and encourage. These words are words of restraint. They are words that show your love and respect for God and for your child.

The wise are known for their understanding,

and pleasant words are persuasive.

Discretion is a life-giving fountain to those who possess it,

but discipline is wasted on fools.

From a wise mind comes wise speech;

    the words of the wise are persuasive.

Kind words are like honey—

    sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Proverbs 16:21-24

For more thorough insight on pleasant words see Instructing a Child’s Heart and Everyday Talk from Shepherdpress.com.

Look at Proverbs 17:27:

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint,

and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.

This proverb provides good insight. If you understand a discipline situation accurately you will be able to use words that carefully fit the issues at hand. This means fewer words and a calm attitude on your part. This leads to the use of pleasant words that promote instruction. You will actually help your children.  That’s a good thing!

Ruth has fully grasped that the skills that she most values have been removed from her,  at least for the moment, by the God that she loves. When she is troubled, she is comforted by knowing that God is actively, faithfully caring for her. Her faith has never wavered. At this point there is no cancer present. However, as you would expect, her body is weak from the treatments and related medications to attack the cancer.  And there is no medical guarantee that the cancer will not return.

I share this with you because Ruth is an example of what it means to be “all in” for God. The cancer is not the reason for her attitude of faith and courage. The cancer has only demonstrated what was the condition of her heart. She has said many times that God’s people are held back for loving him because they love too many things that don’t matter.

Ruth’s life is in God’s hands. We can all clearly see that. The great truth is that all of our lives are equally in God’s hands. Ruth embraces this good and hard reality. I pray that I would also have the courage to embrace this truth for my life. And I pray that each of you would come to see that this is reality for your life as well. May all of us take hold of the life that is truly life.

I am grateful for Ruth and to God beyond measure.

We all live, move, and breath at God’s pleasure.

Ruth has drawn deep comfort from this precious thought of God:

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

This means when you look out at the world around you and ask where is God, you are asking the wrong question. What you see of the world is God at work. He is that powerful and you are that dependent upon him. This should, must, reorder and inform your worship.

As Isaiah says:

Do you not know?…

He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,

and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

Isaiah 40:21a, 22-24

Many are blown away by the faithful sacrifice of their moms. Sadly, many are also devastated by the way their mothers have treated them. There are women who are thrilled with the joy of being a mother. There are others who are not. There are still others who long to be mothers but are not. There are mothers who are deeply appreciated and also, just as deeply despised. There are those who continue to enjoy the embrace of their mother’s company but there are others who have only a collection of memories to cling to.

Motherhood brings out the best and the worst of the human spirit. Just as there are mothers who have sacrificed everything for their children, there are also those who have sacrificed only for themselves.

The modern attempt to have one day that captures everything about being a mother misses the mark. Thus Mother’s Day is a day of great enjoyment, profound sadness, painful memories, or even indifference, all rolled into one. This is the problem of Mother’s Day.

Where does all of this leave us? How did something as profound and wonderful as motherhood become a fractured mosaic that runs the gamut of human emotion?

Quite simply, God has been left out of the mosaic. Motherhood is God’s idea, his design. Women, like men, were created in the image of God. All that is special about women, including the capacity to be a mother, is due to God’s unique creation. Even women who are not physically able to bear children can become wonderful mothers. As I Corinthians teaches, women who, in God’s providence, are single can also demonstrate the specialness of being a woman. They were made that way too.

So, if we are to celebrate mothers we must first celebrate God’s creation of women. Women are special because God has made them that way. Yes, there are good and bad women, just as there are good and bad mothers. Celebrating God’s design and purpose for women addresses all of the problems caused by focusing exclusively on mothers for a day. Redemption, purpose and healing is found in trusting God and his loving care.

The blessing of mothers is a gift given to us by God. However, we must not forget that the blessing comes in the context of the creation of women. When God and his purpose for women are rejected, either by women or by men, tragic consequences result. Men and women were created by God to work together to bring significance to his name. Women and men are noble because of who they were made to be. But, like Adam and Eve, every human since the fall has not been satisfied with God’s provision.

Mother’s Day is a mixture of emotions. Being a mother is one special feature of God’s design for being a woman. This special design is something we can all celebrate. The path for healing and blessing for all is found in Jesus Christ, the Lord of Creation.