ShesCrazyHesALiar.com

And Now for Some Movies...

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 20:00:00 +0000

I usually post my movie review stuff on www.cecilyknobler.net, but I figured, hey, it's Christmas..

Based on this year's top ten movie list, I've been accused of either having no heart (due to my elimination of "Hugo" and "War Horse") or being a big old softie girl (due to literally every choice on my list.) Well let me set your minds at ease: I am a girl. I am not a softie. "Hugo" is actually very loosely based on Hugo Chavez (false statement) and the War Horse purposely kills like eight people. Now are you judging?

So without further adieu, here's my list of favorite movies for 2011.

Top Ten, 2011

The Trip A+
I loved this Steve Coogan road-trip dramady across Northern England, not just because I'm an Anglophile or because there's a Joy Division song in it. I loved it because what other movie has dueling Michael Caine impressions? Riddle me that!

Beginners A+
This is one of those films that was somewhat killed by its own PR campaign. It was marketed as a quirky rom-com (with a feisty dog!) when in fact, it was a quiet, thoughtful movie about relationships, (father/son, man/woman, man/man.) Ewan McGregor is perfectly cast and okay yes, there's a really adorable dog involved.

The Artist A+
Based on this, I hope silent movies replace 3D as the future of film. These actors (most of them French) do more with their facial expressions than most can do using everything, (I'm talking to you, Scarlett "Flat Affect" Johansson.) An homage to the silent days of film, plus a little 40s-era Gene Kelly thrown in for good measure. I'm getting giddy just writing about it. (Please note: I might have just switched bodies with Rex Reed.)

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close A
I'm still crying and I saw this a week ago. Eric Roth (who wrote the screenplay) has this way of making you think that your two hours spent with him unlocks some sort of existential key to everything. Sure, it's manipulative, but so were most of my boyfriends and that didn't stop me. Tom Hanks seems a little miscast, but everything else fits as tightly as Roth's screenplays always seem to. Still…crying…

Moneyball A
Look, those who know me know I'm strictly a football-chick. (You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't make Romo win in December. Wait, what?) But baseball will do, especially when you mix in writer Aaron Sorkin and "Capote" director Bennett Miller. Plus, Brad Pitt doesn't hurt matters. It's exactly what it needed to be: smart.

Bridesmaids A-
With the exception of one scene in a wedding dress shop (which may have scarred me for life) this was clever, absurd and just an all around great time. Written by women, for women. (I used to be a copywriter for a tampon company.)

The Muppets A-
What I'm about to say may upset some of you. As a kid, I enjoyed the Muppets (but keep in mind, I also had a crush on Charles Grodin, true story!) But then there were a couple of decades where I did not like them at all. Fozzy's awful stand-up paralleled the hell I was going through while watching comics at open mic nights. I flip-flopped on wanting to strangle Miss Piggy or sprinkle her on my Cobb salad, (She's lucky I don't eat bacon.) But then Jason Segal came along and restored my faith in this magical Jim Henson creation. And the songs! "Flight of the Conchords" Bret McKenzie wrote some of the catchiest tunes ever and the classics (e.g., "The Rainbow Connection") are simply heart-wrenching.

Tabloid B+
A fascinating documentary from Errol Morris about a woman you've probably never heard of…and that's what makes it work. You've got your standard kidnapping, sex-games and dog cloning (you know, the basics) and it will keep you on your toes (or on the edge of your seat, your choice) till the end.

Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey B+
We’re back to Jim Henson. Frankly, I never asked myself, "Who is the puppeteer behind Elmo?" but I'm glad this movie came along to tell me. Kevin Clash does for puppets (and Muppets) what Steve Wiebe did for Donkey Kong. (Check out "King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" if you don't know what that means.)

Midnight in Paris B+
Sharp, quaint and the casting of Owen Wilson in the "Woody" role was a good call. If nothing else, check this out to see Corey Stoll as Ernest Hemingway.

De-Evolution

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 07:47:00 +0000

Well it's now a year after my book tour and I've decided it might be a good time to re-visit this blog. (It was either that or continue watching Hoarders and frankly, even my television needs a break.) The entry below is from a column I once wrote for the NoHo Los Angeles News. Some of it found its way into the book and even another blog entry from months ago. This was it in its entirety and like most things I write...it exemplifies my insanity. Enjoy!

I am de-volving and I’d like to prove it to you.

I’ll start by sharing a “poem” I wrote in the 8th Grade. Mind you, it was the 80s and I was inspired by shoulder pads, Yaz, a guy we'll call "Vance" and clearly Pink Floyd lyrics. Here goes: “The bloody tears of a clown slide from my smile. Too many eyes, blue, green, brown, middle child stands aside and looks upon a frown." (Quick aside: I was not a middle child.) "Let us say goodbye to the silver worms of reality and welcome our reward…death.” Now as you can no doubt see, I was a well-adjusted, healthy middle-schooler. And while I never read that poem out loud to "Vance," I did sing Depeche Mode’s “Somebody” directly to him at the talent show…in front of 900 kids…while wearing an Angora sweater inspired by Howard Jones from the “What is Love” video.

Obviously, I had to leave that school system shortly after and luckily was accepted to the performing arts high school wherein I became a mime, but we’ll come back to that. Now years later, I am no different. I mean, the “bloody tears of clowns are not still sliding from my smile:” that would be ridiculous. And technically, I’m not still obsessed with miming. But I am still an adolescent and I don’t know what to do about it. I see adult friends around me with problems that derive from real grown up issues, like mortgage payments and kids having the flu. But I’m so stuck in my childhood that my fears are the same fears I had in 5th grade. Most of them stem from playing games like Pitfall and Adventure on my Atari, so I literally stay up nights worrying about alligators and quicksand and dragons and bats stealing my sword.

And that’s weird, right?

I’m struggling with what it means to be a 30-something. Oh by the way, I recently was so spaced out that as I was pondering this very subject I thought, “There should be a TV show called 30-Something. I should pitch that.” Yes, I’ll pitch that, right after I write my treatment f or M.A.S.H. But there are things I know that aren’t typical for a woman my age. For example, I still watch the Real World/Road Rules Challenge and I don’t mean casually. I don’t mean, like oh it’s 11:00pm and there’s nothing on, so I guess I’ll watch this old thing on MTV. I mean I set my Tivo, but don’t really have to because I always make it a point to be home at 10:00 on Wednesdays. I get nervous when the team I’m rooting for is losing and my heart races when CT or Johnny Bananas look like they’re about to take someone out. Now most of you probably don’t know of whom I speak…because you’re not 15.

Speaking of being 15, let's go back to my mime days. Being in the high school mime-troupe was a big honor at Arts Magnet High. You had to audition by writing a short, obviously silent play-let in which you had to show off your “space-work.” I wrote mine about “peer pressure and saying no to drugs.” Now in order to have the honor of a mime troupe, we did have to give up football at my school, which in Texas is a nightmare. I think because I never to got to show off my school spirit, except obviously at mime-offs, I have what some might call a juvenile love of the Dallas Cowboys. It’s like I’m still in ninth grade, rooting for that quarterback I never knew. I wear my team colors, I cry when they lose, I get wasted at the after-parties and by that I mean, I drink alone in my kitchen.

The point is, I feel there has been no evolution for me. It was so much easier in the good old days because we had John Hughes to tell us who we were. We could fit so neatly into one of his clichéd categories: the jock, the brain, the princess, the basket case, the richie or Duckie. But somehow I’ve gotten stuck in defining the world around me this way. I’m still begging the question, “What about prom, Blane? What about prom?” What’s sad is even Jon Cryer has moved on (quite successfully) but I just can’t. In fact, because of John Hughes, I can see that my life is so off-balance. I don’t have any Blanes around me, but I have at least 100 Duckies. That’s too many and that could be my problem.

All of this gets even worse when I go home to Texas. My friends from high school are all now either divorced or married with three kids. (There seemingly is no in-between.) And when I go to visit them and their children and their grown up lives, I feel like I’m perceived as the “wacky” spinster aunt-like character. I might as well just wear a purple cape. I was there not long ago, hanging with my friend Annie and her three year old son, Dylan. Annie told him “Cecily lives in L.A.” Dylan threw a Spaghettio at me. “Dylan, don’t do that. Cecily is a big writer in L.A.” Dylan then asked “Do you have babies?” “No, but I live in LA” I said back to him, defensively. He didn’t seem impressed and I know this because he then threw his Barney doll on the floor and started crying. (To be fair, that’s how most of my relationships have ended in Los Angeles, but I digress.)

I recall my parents seeming a bit worried about that 8th grade poem, but like most parents who have rebellious, silly teenagers, they always claim “Oh they’ll grow out of it.” Well…TA DA! Maybe I’m just not cut out for adult issues. Maybe I’ll always just be that Cowboys-obsessed mime who won’t settle for anything less than a Jake Ryan.

A quick weigh-in on Jake & Vienna

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 20:30:00 +0000

Here's my honest opinion, Bachelorette fans: Jake is a sociopath. He's a control freak who doesn't respect (and I don't think is even attracted to) women. I don't know him and this is only an opinion, but I've dated guys like this: they lie so willingly and easily, it becomes second nature for them. I think Jake might actually be the John Edwards of "The Bachelor" history. (I'll bet that's never been said before.)

Oh and P.S.? Chris Harrison, if you're reading this: don't ever, ever go into marriage counseling. I mean, really. If you love Jake so much, why don't YOU marry him?

TOP TEN WORST DATES...JUST A FEW DAYS AWAY

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 19:27:00 +0000

For those of you bad-date-survivors who have been patiently waiting to hear our top ten, we're only a couple of days away. Hang tight and we'll soon reveal the worst of the worst, as picked by me! Thank you again to everyone who entered the contest. Your stories were funny and insightful and you all made me laugh!

Any other stories you want to share, please do. Email me!

Linked up to Vegas

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:19:00 +0000

Wanted to share a link to my interview on Fox in Las Vegas last month. The host, Rachel Smith, was/is so much fun and I had a great time on her show... click here to watch!

More TV appearances are on the way. Thanks for watching! If you want to share your thoughts, have a question or just want to say hi, email me at Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com, won't you?

More from the Hometown

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 15:14:00 +0000

Just a few more snippets from my trip back home to Dallas...

Apparently, when I was on "Good Day, Dallas" I said the following, "Men like it when your breasts are this big!"

After I filmed the morning show at Fox, I decided to cab it over to my old high school, Arts Magnet in the Arts District. I kid you not, I had the greatest cab driver of all time as he drove what's called a karaoke cab! Yes, when I got in at 8:55am, he put on a fog machine, flashing lights and made a TV screen come down in the backseat, so I could sing along. He then produced a microphone and I think he sang "Baby, I Love your Way"...but I was so overwhelmed by his amazingness, I'm not quite sure. If you're ever in Dallas and need a cab, call Karaoke Cab. It will make your day better!

Lastly, I ended up having a lovely time at my book signing at Borders in Uptown. Here's a quick picture of me before the "signings" began.

When Bad Dates Pay Off...

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 01:03:00 +0000

Just want to give a huge "thank you" to everyone who entered our Dating Disaster contest. There were some incredibly hilarious and scary and eye-opening stories in there and it was tough to choose! I've picked our top ten "worst dates" and I think the lesson here is that we're not alone. There's at least one bad date in all of our pasts and we've survived and lived/blogged to tell. We'll be talking more about some of your dates soon, but until then...be careful out there! And remember: even if it's not great, it can still be funny...

Keep those emails comin'. I love hearing from you. Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com

The Big 'D'

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:33:00 +0000

Went to my hometown last week and while I'm gonna update soon on the happenings there, wanted to share the link for the segment I did on Good Day, Dallas. Also, I can't mention home without at least exclaiming, "How bout' them Cowboys!" so there...I did it. (Yes, I realize football season hasn't started yet, but lots of us Texans start counting down to football season right after the Superbowl.)

Would still love to hear from y'all. Thoughts, questions or just football talk to: shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com

The Contest is Closed!

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 12:43:00 +0000

Thanks to everyone who entered our Dating Disaster Contest, we received hundreds of entries! The contest is now closed and we'll be announcing the top 10 disaster dates soon. So stay tuned because you're going to vote for your favorite to win a shopping spree at Victoria's Secret!

Your Last Chance!

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 31 May 2010 19:12:00 +0000

TODAY IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ENTER THE DATING DISASTER CONTEST AND WIN A $500 GIFT CERTIFICATE TO VICTORIA'S SECRET!

Also, if you're in the Dallas area, check me out on Tuesday on Good Day, Dallas on Fox sometime between 8:15am and 9:00am. I'll give a shout-out to every single one of you...and then I'll vow to stop using the term "shout-outs."

"She's Crazy He's a Liar" Spotted on a Hollywood Set!

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Fri, 28 May 2010 19:49:00 +0000

That's right folks, "She's Crazy, He's a Liar" has hit the big time. A friend was working on the set for a TV show when she spotted someone reading the book and so of course, she snagged a picture. I know it looks photo-shopped (not unlike the new posters for the "Sex and the City 2" movie), but I assure you, this is the real deal. My book gets to enjoy that acting career I always wanted! (Hope it loves the Craft Service table!)

The Dating Disaster Contest ends Monday! You do not want to miss your chance to win a $500 shopping spree from Victoria's Secret. Turn those tears into garter belts, people. NOW.

You Have Less Than a Week!

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Wed, 26 May 2010 20:06:00 +0000

www.Shescrazyhesaliar.com

Take a Picture, Why Dont'cha...?

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Tue, 25 May 2010 15:55:00 +0000

With all of this traveling for the book-tour lately, I've made a few observations. I wish I'd bothered to write them down, as I might have come up with some interesting anecdotes, but the only thing I seem to remember from my travels (for now) is this and I'm going to pose it in the form of a question: Why do men in airports just sit and stare at hot women, as though the hot women can't see them? It doesn't matter if you're in Miami, Philly or Sacramento…it's just "hot chick walks by….weird guy turns around and stares at her until she's out of his sightline." I literally saw this thousands…nay, millions…of times. I'm not trying to have one of those hacky "Am I right, ladies?" kind of moments, but really…I'm right, right?

I first noticed it while I was on one of those moving escalator thingies. A woman walked by going the opposite direction and I remember it well, because she was wearing a really short skirt and tall stiletto heels, while carrying coffee that literally had steam coming out of it. I'm always jealous of women who look "all together" even on a travel-day, because I've never been that woman. I like my coffee to be as much like a milkshake as possible and I like my heels to be as flat as possible, preferably with the words "Sketchers" written on them. And the attention to detail with make-up is just mind-blowing to me. If I've had to get up early to catch a flight, I'm lucky if I don't have a Cheerio stuck in my hair and I can guarantee I will have some kind of toothpaste stain on my shirt or jeans.

Anyway, so this woman with her "adult" coffee and her "adult" heels walks by and the guy in front of me stops, turns around and stares at her for what feels like hours. So I of course, having kept walking, bump into the man and he seems annoyed that I've temporarily blocked his vision of the woman. As if by staring at her, he's somehow telepathically communicating that she's his soul mate or some other nonsense. Like she's gonna just stop, put her carry-on luggage down and say, "I noticed you were eerily looking at me. Do you wanna…I don't know…maybe have sex in the airport lounge?"

Okay, I get that sometimes people just want to look at pretty, shiny objects. And I also get that some women wear ultra short skirts and bright red lipstick because they want to be stared at. Kind of a win-win, except when sleepy, grumpy, unkempt Cecily is walking behind the "stare-er" in the airport, then it's a win-win-lose.

Now, I'm gonna try to remember some other thoughts from my two months on the road and in the meantime, don't forget to enter our Dating Disaster Contest. And if you'd like to share anything personal with me or just say "hi", feel free to email me at shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com

We're Starting Them Young

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Wed, 19 May 2010 15:48:00 +0000

Here's a young girl smartly reading She's Crazy, He's a Liar to learn way ahead of time what not to do when she's ready to date!

Would love to hear from you or see a picture of you reading "She's Crazy, He's a Liar." Feel free to email me at Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com

Phoenix Rising...

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 17 May 2010 19:00:00 +0000

Ya know, I thought with all of the heat (both literally and politically) I'd find Phoenix challenging. But, I have to say the people I met there were downright excellent. Made friends with a few very interesting (and supportive!) cab-drivers and had a wonderful time on both morning shows on which I appeared. Really good group of people which is a reminder that just because we don't agree with something a state's governor decides, doesn't mean the people who live there aren't warm, smart and good-hearted. Their governor, however…I'm not so sure.

Here's a link to Good Morning, Arizona, one of the shows I was on. (The other link is coming soon.)

And don't forget, turn your Dating Disaster stories into cash! That's right, if you enter our Dating Disaster contest on the site, you can win a $500 dollar shopping spree to Victoria's Secret. The contest ends May 31st, so GET ON IT!

Now She's Crazy In Denver!

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Fri, 14 May 2010 17:44:00 +0000

On a fast trip to Phoenix, Denver and Vegas to promote "She's Crazy, He's a Liar"! Stories are coming soon, but so far, I've left my phone charger in Florida, my phone in Chicago and five dollars on the penny-slots in Vegas.

Here's a link to one of the morning shows I did in Denver on Channel 2, The Deuce. Yep! I have plenty more to come.

Don't forget to enter our Dating Disaster Contest contest at shescrazyhesaliar.com. You can win a fabulous $500 shopping spree to Victoria's Secret. DO IT!

ON THE ROAD AGAIN…

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 10 May 2010 12:21:00 +0000

Off to Phoenix, Denver and Vegas this week to talk about "She's Crazy, He's a Liar" on some fun TV shows. If you're in the Phoenix area on Tuesday (May 11th) please check out "Good Morning Arizona" on the CW at around 9:15am! And on Wednesday, I'll be on "Your Life-AZ" on the CW at 10:45am.

Now, if you're in Denver this Wednesday morning, I'll be on "Daybreak" on Fox at 7:35am, "Good Day Colorado" on Fox at 7:45am and The "Everyday Show" on the CW at 10:00am.

Wait…there's more! If you're lucky enough to be in Vegas on Thursday, feel free to check out Channel 5 at around 4:15pm.

How can I be in all of these places at once? It's magic, people. Pure and simple.

I'd love to hear from you, especially as our Dating Disaster Contest nears. Feel free to email me at Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com. It would make me very happy.

AND THE "CRAZY" TOUR CONTINUES...

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Fri, 07 May 2010 12:26:00 +0000

As I knew I would, I had a magnificent time in Chicago! Have some stories coming up on Monday (and some more clips) but until then, here's a link to my appearance on WGN TV in Chicago on Wednesday:

www.wgntv.com

Would love to hear from y'all! Please email me thoughts, feelings, questions, feelings about your questions, etc to: Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com

CHEEEEEECAWGO!

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Tue, 04 May 2010 17:46:00 +0000

I'm in one of my favorite cities this Wednesday morning and it's not just my favorite because I love the musical so much. (Although it should be noted that I'm somehow typing this with "Jazz Hands.") I'll be on WGNTV at 8:40am and WCIU's "You & Me This Morning" at 10:15am and would love it…if you're so inclined…if you tuned it!

Also, just thinking ahead, I'll be on in Minneapolis on Thursday, May 6th on Fox 9 Morning News at 9:30am and I promise to be sassy. And possibly to show off my Jazz hands, even though I'll no longer be in Chicago.

Clips to come! Please shoot me an email with questions or comments! Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com

TV In the Land of the Governator

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 03 May 2010 19:18:00 +0000

Here are some clips from the TV shows I did in Sacramento on Fox (Fox 40) and ABC (Sacramento and Company). Had a great time on both shows and although I didn't see Governor Schwarzenegger while up there, my mission continues: helping relationships, one crazy person at a time! (By the way, speaking of Arnold, I think I'm gonna start my own catch-phrase which will be: "I'll be Back…unless you don't want me to come back and then I'll just do some drunk-dialing and drive-bys." Doesn't have quite the same ring to it, but let's see if we can get it to stick.)

Feel free to email me with questions or comments about craziness. I'm here to help!

Check it Out Sacramento!

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 21:12:00 +0000

Up in Sacramento and if you're near a TV, I'll be on Fox 40 Live at around 7:50AM and on Sacramento and Co. on ABC between 9:00am and 10:00am. Links to the interviews are a comin' so stay tuned!

And hey, don't forget to enter your "worst date ever" in our Dating Disasters contest at: Shescrazyhesaliar.com. You could win a $500 shopping spree to Victoria's Secret, which is a whole lot of sexiness!

Moms, Boundaries and Hollywood Actors Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:11:00 +0000

And now for the conclusion of the saga between my Mother and poor, sweet actor Josh Lucas…

So after my Mother and I wagered a $200 bet on whether or not I'd receive an email from Mr. Lucas, I refrained from discussing the issue with her for fear of it deteriorating into a full-blown fight. About a month later, I unfortunately shared the story with a friend of mine and shortly after, I received an email from someone with the address joshlucas123@hotmail.com. It read as follows:

"Dear Cecily -
My name is Josh and I met your mother a few weeks ago in Texas. I really appreciated her forthrightness in speaking to me and was a little intrigued when she told me about you. I hope you don't mind that she gave me your e-mail address and I'm sorry it took me so long to write to you but I've been out of town on business.

I, too, am an actor and spend much of the year in Los Angeles. I'm sure we would have a lot to talk about and I would love to hear back from you whenever you get a chance and maybe we could meet up for coffee when I get back to L.A. It would be great to speak in person, as e-mail doesn't always tell the 'tale of the tape'.

Love, Josh"

Okay, so I read this and laughed and then made the huge mistake of SENDING IT TO MY MOTHER with the note, "I guess you were right. He really was into meeting me. You've got 200 dollars en route to you Madame!" But ya see, my mom didn't get the absurdity of it all and THOUGHT THE EMAIL WAS REAL. So even after I told her, "No, Mom. This was a joke. My friend sent this," she tirelessly argued with me, insisting, "If the email address has his name in it, it has to be real." This went on for months, with her repeatedly asking, "Did you write Josh Lucas back yet?" and "Where is my $200?" Finally, I had to get my buddy on the phone to explain that he had in fact sent the email and that it wasn't from Josh.

Reluctantly, my mother sent me my 200 bucks which I happily accepted and immediately signed over to my therapist. As for Josh, I hope he's happy even though we were never able to 'tell the tale of the tape' (whatever that means).

Thoughts about all of this? Please email them to me! I'd love to hear from you!

Moms, Boundaries and Hollywood Actors

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:51:00 +0000

Let me set this up for you. A few years ago, my Mom was on vacation in New York and saw Chris Noth (AKA Mr. Big) at a restaurant. As someone with little to no (okay absolutely no) boundaries, she went over to his table, sat down and told him she just "lovvvvvvvved Mr. Big" but that he should "stop treating Carrie so wishy-washy." Why he didn't call security is beyond me, but alas.

So cut to a few years later and my Mom has joined a Dallas film society which hosts advanced screenings of movies, followed by receptions with director/producer/actors. Some film came through and after flitting about the after-party, she settles upon actor Josh Lucas. Mind you, I thankfully wasn't there, but she relayed the play-by-play that I will now share.

Mom: "You were just precious in the movie."
Josh Lucas: "Thank you!"
Mom: "You have just the prettiest blue eyes! I bet people tell you that all the time."
Josh Lucas: "Oh sometimes…ya know…"
Mom: "You must have girls just hanging on your every word."
Josh Lucas: "Well, I…"
Mom: "My daughter is an actress in Los Angeles." (Note: not true)
Josh Lucas: "Oh?"
Mom: "Yes…and she's single. You should call her."
Josh Lucas: "Um..I…errr…"
Mom (starts digging around in her purse for her cell phone) "Let me just find her phone number for you." (Finds number and starts to write it down.)
Josh Lucas: "I'm not really a phone guy."
Mom: "Okay, well then let me give you her email." (She writes down my email.) "You better call her honeybuns. She's a catch."
Josh Lucas: "Will do."

My Mom then calls me later that night to tell me to "expect an email from Josh Lucas." I, mortified, tell her that's not going to happen and we wager a two hundred dollar bet.

For the follow-up to what happened with this insane exchange, tune in Monday!
Do you have similar stories of boundary-free parents or other insanity? Email them to me!

Open Letter to Jesse James

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 20:49:00 +0000

Hey Jesse James…how did that sex rehab go? Did ya get all the Bombshells out of your system? Just 28 days of talk about how your "inner sex addict" made you (allegedly) cheat repeatedly on your wife was probably all you needed to swear off tatted, chesty women forever…right? Don't you hate it when your "addict" tells you to wear swastikas and do "goofy, Nazi" poses? Oh those silly inner-sex-addicts!

I just hope that you and Tiger and Tiki Barber (did he go to rehab?) and Larry King (is he too old for rehab?) were able to heal properly, what with all that art therapy and exploration of why you might choose to lie over…and over…and over again to someone you have publicly claimed to love.

I can totally relate, buddy. I'm addicted to talking about you! Sorry if it bothers you, but I literally can't help it. My "Gossip-addict" is acting up again! You know how it goes. But hopefully through Gossip-Rehab, I'll learn how to pull it together. I'm also addicted to wearing my Snuggie to inappropriate places. Will 28 days of "Inappropriate Snuggie Re-hab" be enough?

Back to you: we're all rooting for you, Champ.

Signed, Every Scorned Woman
P.S. In the words of Ani DiFranco, "Just give up…and admit you're an a$$hole."
(Note: I realize this may sound a little angry so please forgive me. As a woman who has been cheated on, sometimes I get riled up when I hear of infidelity, but I probably just need "Scorned Woman Rehab". Okay, it's out of my system.)

Wanna talk about cheating men, women or anything else? Email me!

The Type of Girl Who...

noreply@blogger.com (Cecily Knobler) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 19:12:00 +0000

As the deadline for the "Worst Date Ever" contest gets closer, I thought it was time to share one of my worst dating experiences. Had actually gone out with a guy a handful of times (let's say five) and we did all the "normal" things daters do. Dinner and a movie here, cocktails there, a few make-out sessions in his car, blah, blah, blah. It all seemed to be going well, so you might be as surprised as I was to hear that at the end of one of our lovely nights together, he said the following:

"Listen, Cec. Can I call you Cec?" (Not if you're about to say something lame, you can't.) Listen, so I've been dating this other woman at the same time as you (which was fine, seeing as how we were far from exclusive) and the thing is…Cec…Cester…Ceciloniky, that she's more the kind of girl, ya know, who you take home to meet Mom."

I suppose off my look of discomfort, he followed that up with, "Wait, that didn't sound right. What I mean is…she's the type of girl you have a relationship with and you're more like Ms. Funny pants." (I kid you not…he called me Ms. Funny pants. At least I wasn't Miss Funny Pants or Mademoiselle Funny Pants. It gets worse.) You know, like she's the type of woman who might leave a toothbrush at your house, but you…like you're just not that kind of person." What? Ms. Funny Pants doesn't leave toothbrushes? "Like, okay, ya see she's the woman who'd be like a real active PTA Mom and you…you're just…ya know, Cec." That's Ms. Cec Funny Pants to you, sir.

It went on and on and continued to get worse until I finally, thankfully, got out of the car. I don't know whatever happened in his relationship with that non-funny-pants wearing woman, but I do know that the guy sent me a friend request on Facebook recently. I guess he was sick of seeing toothbrushes laying around his apartment.

Make sure to enter our "Dating Disaster" contest on www.shescrazyhesaliar.com. You could win a $500 shopping spree to Victoria Secret, which might just make that bad date well worth it. Also, feel free to email me with comments, questions and even concerns to Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com