This is the Me, I Choose to Share with You.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2018-07-20T10:49:00.001-07:00

I've not been a teenager for almost a decade now. On December 1st I turn 29. And lots has sure changed in the past 10 years. But most of all me, I am going to look back at my memories and anything I may have written from then and go through how I've changed in the past 10 years with you here.

Stay tuned.

The Friend-Zone isn't what you think it is. Read More Here.

2016-03-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

I’m going to talk about the Friend-Zone today, this is because despite what people might think, a) it does exist, and b) it is not what you think it is.

This prompts three questions: What is the Friend-Zone? What does it mean to be Friend-zone’d? How do you get out of the Friend-Zone?

So what is the Friend-Zone?

The Friend-Zone is a state of being, wherein you are romantically drawn to a friend, but rather than risk the ruining of the friendship you decide not to act on those feelings. Or that you do try and act on those feelings, but since they are not shared you decide to ignore future feelings of that kind and strictly stay exclusively friends with the person, and not letting your feelings have an impact on your friendship. But in actuality there is already an older phrase besides Friend-Zone; Unrequited Love. Now if you think of it that way, you end up having far less negative energy associated to it, plus it is easier to define: Love that is not returned or reciprocated.

What does it mean to be Friend-Zone’d? (And common myths about what is called the Friend-Zone).

The Friend-Zone is a form of rejection, plain and simple. But as I see it, in its’ truest form it really is one friend telling another that their friendship is too important to them to risk it ending poorly. Common problems with the term Friend-Zone can originate from people not being able to handle romantic rejection from a platonic friend. This truly brings into question whether the friendship was true in the first place. This can bring forth a whole new set of problems for people who go into the “friendship” with the expectation of making it into something more than just friendship. And that is not true friendship, just crappy people being crappy, because that isn’t friendship. This next piece touches on the fact that the Friend-Zone is commonly seen as a negative thing; the myths of the Friend-Zone.

“The friendzone is just a male constructed response to being rejected by a “friend”. (Let’s analyze this sentence).

Male: Girls and Women can be put in the Friend-Zone; it is not a strictly male “construct”. I know this of course because I have experienced it, by that I mean I have both been put in by and put girls in the Friend-Zone. With my previous clarification on what the Friend-Zone is, it should be clear that it is not a gender specific thing.

Construct: This implies that the Friend-Zone is not real. But it does, and as I mentioned it has existed longer than people know but under the name of unrequited love. It is not an unnatural thing, or at least when it comes to modern human nature. Romantic pursuits are all a game of risk versus reward, even more so when it involves friends. (More details here)

Being Rejected: Not a myth, there is a certain level of rejection associated to being Friend-Zone’d. But not for unknown reasons, because one of the common reasons people are angered by rejection is because the reasons are unknown to them or they believe that they are unreasonable reasons. (Which is ridiculous because that is taking away a person’s right to say No)

By a “friend”: Therein lies the key point. FRIEND. There’s a common phrase associated with the Friend-Zone: “Girls are not machines that you put kindness into and expect sex to pop out”. Now the problem that stem from this is that this is not true friendship. At any time where in which you are expecting to get anything but friendship in return for friendship it isn’t actually friendship at all, it is you being a douche canoe. Being irritated by someone saying no implies that the rejecter does not have the right to say No, and expecting all the same people to have all the same feelings as you is a completely absurd expectation. It is not your friend’s fault you have romantic feelings for them. People have “types”; what they are looking for, and personal preferences in relation to romantic partners. Just because they are your “type” it doesn’t mean you’re theirs and it completely invalidates their opinions if you are truly upset by that fact.

Just be a friend, what’s wrong with platonic relationships? Answer, NOTHING.

So when the above described people use the term friendzone it lessens it because they are not real friends. A real friend respects another friend’s choice. Where in actuality a real person should in fact respect another person’s choice, always.

Finally, how do you escape the Friend-Zone?

When it comes to getting “out” of the Friend-Zone, you have two options.

You can leave. This is the harsher of the two; you literally leave your friend. Not necessarily forever, but for now, for the purpose of speed I believe this to be the best option. The side effect of this is that you lose this person, they are no longer in your life, and when you become ready to return to their life there will be a rift, not always but at least a 90% chance, it will take a lot of work to fix what you broke.

The second option is to stop. You can’t necessarily, immediately stop having romantic feelings for this person. But you can stop. How you might ask, well simple, space and time. You don’t stop being their friend, but you spend less time with them, you give them space, or rather you give yourself space. And you try and find someone else or something else to direct your romantic energies towards. This will certainly take more time than straight up leaving, but it is the better option, you don’t make a rift within your friendship, and you keep your friend.

You could always do nothing, and hope for the best, that is always an option as well.

So herein lies my problem, I cannot find myself being romantically attracted to someone who is not my friend first. And if I “do” it is probably just a physical attraction masked as romantic. Is it even possible to be (romantically attracted to someone who is not your friend)? Well it would have to be for some people, because that is what dating websites etc. are for, finding someone to date whom you are not friends with. And there’s my problem with those for me. Yet I still find myself constantly returning to dating sites and apps, like PoF, OkCupid, Tinder, and Bumble. But sadly what they don’t have are sites like that for making friends, probably because some people would abuse the use of them to try and find a relationship be it physical or romantic, and as previously mentioned if one person is looking for something romantic and the other person is looking for something platonic it just doesn’t work.

In conclusion, it’s hard to control who you develop romantic feelings for. And sometimes they are directed towards your friends, if your friends don’t feel the same don’t be a dick about it, let your friends just be your friends, and treat them as such. Actually in general if you develop feeling for anyone, and they are not reciprocated, accept it and move on. Also friends are great, don’t mistreat them, they are essential to good living.

The Seven Types of Friends You Have.

2016-03-03T07:30:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to get my blogs focus off of the string of posts on romantic love I will be doing a short series on a different and more important kind of relationship, the friendship. Well kind of, and mostly. So without further delay in a similar style to buzzfeed, here are the 7 types of friends you have.

1. Let's start at the top, the pinnacle of non-romantic relationships. The supreme relationship, the Best Friend. The first person you go to, you tell them anything, everything. They are the easiest person in your life to talk to, you share secrets, inside jokes, and even if you're apart for any period of time it’s as smooth as butter to just slide right back into where you were pre-separation. They are your favourite person in the world. There have been books written, movies made, and songs sung about best friends, and still they haven't quite captured the true essence of the Best Friend. Best friends are important, and not just to you as a person, but as a thing to have and to be, they make you better, and you make them better. It truly is hard to put into words what a best friend is, they can be very much indescribable.

2. Now let's move on to Close Friends, these aren't your best friend, you might tell them things but not to the extent that you do your best friend. These are the people that may fit into the below explained categories initially but have surpassed the limitations, these are the people you want to spend time with socially but not all the time, they don't always necessarily make it better. They are the people you choose to have in your life. You care about these people, but you wouldn't drastically change your life for them. Unlike with your Best Friend you can live without a close friend. I have this belief that if close friends are meant to be, they will. And this sparks a quote, Jeff Goldblum's character Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park, "Life, uh, finds a way," which I believe the same goes for true close friends.

3. Your Oldest Friends are just that. The friends that you've had for the longest time. These are your neighbours growing up, your cousins, the children of your parent’s best friends, the kid from Sunday School who happened to be your age and start at the same school for kindergarten as you. These are the people whom you have the most inside jokes with for the reason that you've spent the most time with them. Because they've known you longest, they know your past, what you've been through, all the things you dealt with growing up. They've been there for you in the past, and even if you haven't talked or spoken in a while you still hope that if you need them or they need you, that you'll still hope that if you need them or they need you that you'll still be there for each other. And in the end, it really does just come down to a matter of time.

(This next one is a concept I've been working on for a while.)
4. The Second Class Friend, or Second Glance Friend; either one or both work. These are not your close friends, these are not the first thought friends, and these are not the friends you think to call or text on your first scroll through your address book, maybe during a second glance through though. The S.C.F.s are the easiest to reschedule or break plans with because you're not that close to begin with (right? Only if it's mutual after all). This is not the best kind of friendship as one might guess, for either of the people involved, the person who is the S.C.F. can end up feeling left out, unimportant, forgotten about, and inversely making people feel those things is a pretty shitty thing to do to people. They may not end up being all that close to you, but they are still people none the less. As much as people might not be your best friends, or close friends, it doesn't mean that they have to feel lesser or second class, the primary word is friend after all.

5. Facebook Friends (I feel oh so tempted to just leave that one just as it was, and add no explanation behind it, but I do also feel as though that would be a bit of a cop out.) Unlike the S.C.F. there is no doubt about the level of friendship between you two, you have no filter on who your Facebook Friends are, you can collect Facebook Friends. In the long run this might seem harsh but Facebook Friends are inconsequential, they can run the gamut from people that you once met at a concert, to people you worked with for a month, to those people you went to high school with and don't talk to.

6. On to Work Friends. Common misconception is that you don't actually have to work with your Work Friends. These are the friends of convenience, you might work with them, you might have a class with them, or even just live near them. This is a friendship precipitated on proximity. You befriend these people as a means of survival, to not rock the boat, or to even just combat the monotony of everyday life. These are basically entry level friends. Because there's the most growth potential there, these are the people you tend to spend a decent amount of time with. This is all of course within which ever given social construct that brought you together, you don't tend to spend much if anytime outside of the social construct with these given people.

7. Lastly Internet Friends. These are not conventional friendships, you don’t have to have necessarily met these friends, but they also don't have to be from the internet either. The term Internet Friends can encompass pen pals. These are distant friends, but not necessarily physical distance. But even if it isn't a physical distance, you don't spend physical time with these friends. These friendships are not immediate, meaning that you can't have the same communication expectations of these friends as others, you have to give your internet friends time to reply, time to read what you need replied to. In saying this it does not mean that you can't get close to your internet friends or that they can't be relied upon because they can be, but you can't just call them up in the same way you would with a close friend. But they can also be your most patient of friends, because in the same way that you can wait for them, they wait for you. They don't tend to leave overly easily and they tend to be quick to hop back into an old rhythm after a long period of not talking. They are good friends to have, but not if they happen to be your only friends.

Finally, Acquaintances. Now I know I said 7 types of friends, and acquaintances makes 8, but acquaintances aren't your friends. They are people you know, or have met maybe once or twice before. They are pre-friends, they are those people you work with and don't want to be friends with but put up with them because you feel obligated to, they are even the person you made out with that one time at a party. But in general the interesting thing about acquaintances is that they are not as the word implies, quaint, they don't tend to last, they fade into the void. In saying all this I should make sure to reassure you that you are not unfriendly towards these people but they are wholly not your friends. I don't want to say that they don't matter, but it's just that they don't matter to you, just yet, they could but they also couldn't. I swear I am not trying to make the existence of acquaintances sound bleak, but if I am explaining the types of friendships I feel as though I would be amiss if I were not to mention them.

Now, I am sure I didn't cover every single possible type of friendship because they are many and varied and as "predictable" as human behaviour might be, it is strange weird and confusing, and therefore cannot necessarily be defined in average terms. But hopefully, this helps in some way, maybe just informs, but maybe not help per say. I wrote this to help illustrate that non-romantic relationships can be just as weird and complicated as romantic ones, once again because people are weird. And if anyone tells you otherwise they are wrong.

Post Script: As you can see beginnings and endings are still not my strong suit in writing these. But I am writing, and that's what truly matters in the end.

What's With This Brony Thing Anyway?

2015-10-14T01:11:00.000-07:00

Let's get started, and I know what some of you may be thinking. What is a Brony? So in the simplest terms a Brony is a fan of the television cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Now where did the term Brony come from exactly? And well that's a bit more complicated, simply because there are two trains of thought on the matter. One being that it originated on the online message board 4chan's page/b, so b-ponies became Bronies. But here's where it gets confusing, because how did b-ponies become Bronies and not bonies besides for the obvious innuendo-y reasons. Therefore I present the simpler and more logical explanation: bro + pony = Brony. Now what you might say to yourself isn't bro a primarily male term? and though there is an unusual amount of the fan base that is male some of the female fans did want their own title that they could identify with, thus pegasister (Pegasus + Sister = PegaSister) was conceived, though that term is not universally accepted by the female fan base, and some still prefer the term Brony.

So why is there such a big deal surrounding a cartoon meant for little girls. Well besides there being an unusually high adult viewership, it is at the best word to describe it, a wholesome show. The characters are varied and they find themselves in mostly semi-relatable situations for young people. The show displays a more realistic portrayal of friendships than many shows around. And as a throwback to cartoons of old the episode usually ends on a high note with some sort of a moral message.

With saying all that you might be asking "where's the controversy?" and it spawned from where much controversy currently lives: the internet. That shouldn't be all too surprising though considering that 4chan is part of their history, and if you didn't know 4chan was responsible for the semi-recent past's largest leak of stolen celebrity photos known as "The Fappening", or at least that is where the leaking began. Now that you know where it came from, on to what it is. The generalised explanation that I can give is that the actions of the few extremists write the perception of the many. An explanation amongst the Bronies is that there is a faction that the others wish would not exist, and therefore do not talk about. These of course are the fans that choose to sexualise the ponies, and not just in their minds which is bad enough, but also in drawings, fanfiction, etc. then they proceed to share these with the internet, where anyone can find them. The people who end up finding the sexualised pony stuff (because I can't think of a better way to put it) unintentionally just happens to be the shows intended target audience, small children mostly little girls. And thus it is assumed that all adult fans (Bronies) sexualise the ponies and transform a wholesome show into something perverted. And that of course is the primary reason behind their poor reputations.

So, why are people doing this? Well that is a simple principle: People are weird. I am not ne to judge people on their sexual preferences, but in this case I am reconsidering. Now I know that I may have mentioned here previously that at a young age I found myself enamoured with several animated characters myself such as Jean Grey, Mary Jane Watson, and Ami from Sailor Moon. And later on I would find myself infatuated with television and literary characters. I see nothing wrong with that in practice; it is okay to develop crushes on fictional characters, from what I can tell it is a natural and normal behavioral practice. This is assuming that you also must realise that fictional character are not real and that they are not a substitute for a possible real tangible person. I think that is where this sub-group of Bronies has gone wrong they are using these animated fictional characters as surrogates for the real thing. Though two sided relationships may be hard, both to find and to keep, and giving a real person the power to hurt you may not seem like the smartest thing to do, but still favourable to something that is literally just in your head that you choose to unleash upon the internet.

If we're being real there are more interesting "children's" cartoons on right now. Such as Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, or Steven Universe. Don't be ashamed to like what you like, or watch cartoons hos intended target audience happens to be small children. Just be careful about what you decide to post on the internet, you never know who will see it. Also don't sexualise cartoon characters.

Post Script: Now, I wouldn't call myself a Brony, I'm not against the show, I liked it. Also I finished filing my first notebook. And this is the first post written originally in my new notebook. I just ant to thank everyone who visits and reads these things I post. If you ever have any comments, just let me know.

The Single Parent Conundrum.

2015-09-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

So this will serve as my second letter to/for people on dating sites... well kind of. This is about dating single parents, inspired by the fact that a decent majority of people on dating sites happen to be single parents. Now me not being a parent of any sort myself, and yet having been raised by a single parent, I feel as though I can provide a different perspective on this topic.

I grew up in a single parent household in the time before internet dating was even a thing. Before the internet was even a big thing. But my mom still did date, now not initially that I can remember, but she did date. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with single parents dating, the pursuit of romantic love and companionship is not limited to childless people. If you've got a babysitter (assuming that they are young enough to need one) and some free time then you deserve to go out and have a little fun, everybody needs a little me time now and then.

So I am on a couple of dating sites, which I possibly have mentioned before, and thus I have come across the fact that they appear to be primarily populated by single parents. And therefore I find myself facing a decision where I could potentially limit myself or not be a dirt bag and be open to dating a single mom. That being said, I know for a fact that personally I am not finding myself ready to be a parent quite yet. But I still have no issues with dating a single mom, and at this point you might be asking how that might work exactly. Though I do have a couple rules in association to this point.

1) I don't want to intentionally meet your children.

I know this would mean that you will be constrained greatly by time. Because they come first. Absolutely.
This does not mean that I never want to meet them, it is just not yet.

Reasoning: People tend to form connections with other people both kids and adults. If it doesn't end up working out, I wouldn't want your kid to have to deal with a broken connection that they cannot fully comprehend. They already have to deal with that considering that their parents are no longer together.

Exemptions:

Unintentional or accidental meetings, because of course things happen.
We have something real; no real isn't the right word. Something serious, something noticeably not short term. I can't put a timeline on this, but, I mean I'm thinking a minimum of 6 months, maybe even a year.

2) I don't want to replace your child's father.

Depending on the circumstances surrounding your separation having both parents involved is beneficial or so I hear.
This does not mean I think you should get back together with your ex just to raise your kid(s). But you really shouldn't be dating to try and find a potential replacement or substitute parent.

Reasoning: As mentioned before both parents deserve to be involved depending on certain circumstances of course. Those circumstances being; them being around, wanting to be involved, and not being abusive. Also if the child does not respect the person that you're trying to introduce into their lives, they won't end up respecting them as any form of parental unit, which might seem normal if they were say a teenager, but not so much if they're younger than that.

Exemptions:

Adoption when/if the child is okay with it.
The child is a young infant, before concrete memories form. Or if you are involved pre-birth and the other parent does not want to be involved in any capacity. (May be going contrary to the above mentioned 1).)

3) (Not so much a rule as a guideline) At a young age we are taught to share our toys, but that's not always the easiest thing to do, and sometimes it is. But the problem is that people aren't toys, well not so much a problem but a truth, and therefore they are much harder to share. This rings especially true if you haven't had to share them before. (As I am writing this I realise that this is not only about children having to share a parent for the first time but could very well be about the adults). It is especially hard for a child to have to share a parent for the first time though. This is because before this it was only you and them. And the thing about kids is that they are a lot smarter than adults give them credit for. If their comfort is threatened they will do whatever they can to return it to what they view as normal. Change is difficult, especially at a young age. They can become bratty, jealous, uncooperative, and do whatever they can to sabotage the situation. The situation can worsen if both parents are single parents, because then the child will not only feel threatened by the other adult but there will also be another child to compete for attention, which is exactly what it will seem and look like.

Now onto story time. I am going to give actual examples of my mom's ex-boyfriends as I remember them. All I ask is don't judge her based on the people she's dated. I will not be using their real names for obvious reasons.

First. I'm gonna tell you about Ichi. From the best of my memory Ichi didn't last overly long, and I was introduced to him probably far too early. I thought he was cool, he played guitar at church and was always willing to help me out, he seemed nice. But I was introduced to him too early, also was quite young at the time, so I can remember him in a good light. When I was older, significantly, I asked her what happened, and it turns out he was controlling, he wanted her to stay cloistered, and he tried to keep her isolated from the people around her. So needless to say, he was a douche canoe and I am glad he's not in her life anymore.

Second, I guess I have to talk about Ni. He was in our life the longest. I want to say it was about three and a half years we ended up living with him, I think, it was a significant amount of time anyway. He tried to be a replacement for an absentee parent. By the time he had entered my life I felt no need for a "father" my mom did a great job by herself. I should also mention at the beginning, pre-move in I was only a child, old enough to know I didn't need a "father" but young enough that I did get bratty and uncooperative, because he already had three kids at the time. It didn't really help that at the announcement of the impending move-in it was combined with my mom announcing that she was pregnant. But my brother did come out of their relationship, so that is a plus, but inversely he was verbally abusive, detrimental to my self-esteem at a pivotal time in my developmental life. Not to mention that if there was someone who could be considered a professional victim, it would be him. And very happily he is mostly no longer in our lives,

Third, would be San. San started a trend of my mom dating good guys. He was nice, had a good job, non-abusive, and an appropriate sense of humour. Needless to say, he was a good choice, the problem was that he had an only child around my brother's age, and since my brother was used to sharing my mom with me, and he did and still does have a relationship with his father, so it's not as though San was trying to fill that "void' in either of our lives. But that didn't change it, his daughter's unwillingness to share him, it having been a long distance relationship, and he wanting to spend more time with his daughter resulted in the crumbling of their relationship.

So, that's a thing I decided to share. But I hope that this doesn't dissuade anyone from pursuing a relationship with a single parent or single parents from dating. I feel like I should also mention that though I only shared stories of my mom's failed relationships, she is currently in a rather successful one and has been for several years. He is a wonderful man, so don't give up on looking for that someone special.

Post Script: Sorry if this post turned out to be a bit of a downer. Was it a downer? I don't know. It had a bright ending so I think it was good, but I also wrote it but you know. This post was certainly longer than I had expected it to be. Also Ichi, Ni, and San are the Japanese words for one, two, and three. There is no significance in my choosing of their names.

Where within I write my feelings out in regards to a future event as a means to work through them.

2015-09-10T17:52:00.001-07:00

So I don't date much, but I've either mentioned that before or it should not come at a big surprise. Why else would I be this interested in the concept of romantic love. A big part of this has to do with me having a hard time finding someone who is equal parts interested in dating me and I in turn being in equal parts interested in dating them. And therefore my friend has taken it upon herself to set me up with one of her friends. And I am thankful for that and there's no doubt about that.

The problem as I see it. I've had a girlfriend all of one time in my life. But it was an online relationship where we met once and awkwardly hung out with her cousin. But i don't think it was really a date. I'm 25 and I am hard pressed to find a memory of going on any date that was actually my own (I've interrupted, joined in on, and third wheeled other peoples dates, but that doesn't count). And as such I find myself filled with an array of feelings(most of which are actually worry). I find myself excited at the prospect of the slim chance of this working out and becoming something. I'm scared. Nope not scared, not worried, not excited or anticipating. I'm something about the chances of it not working out. But as mentioned above I am mostly worried, now I am mostly worried almost all of the time but in this instant there are specific worries not general ones. I'm worried about whether she'll like me or not, inversely I am worried whether I will like her or not. I am worried about disappointing the friend who is setting us up, because she just seems so excited at the idea of us. I am worried I will do or say something stupid, scratch that since I am always worried that I will do or say something stupid, but especially in this instant. What do people even talk about on dates? Themselves while at the same time trying to be interested in the other person. I know from experience telling people too much too soon is a problem for me. Then what? I probably shouldn't resort to much usual topics of awkward conversation: giraffe sex and bread preferences. This is all of course if I am not too nervous to actually speak. Which I once again worry is a distinct possibility.

But I will say that this time I am doing the smart thing, because the last time I had plans to meet someone with romantic intent I didn't. I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket. I'm not quitting the dating sites/apps. Im not stopping my search. And I won't not until I know. Know it's something real, something more than a date. So that's a step in the right direction right?

An open letter to people on dating sites.

2015-04-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

So here I am at it again, writing about dating and I know I do this far too often, but this is different.

All dating sites are fundamentally flawed; well I can't say all exactly, but all the ones I've been on, which is a lot of them at least the free ones anyway. But I'm pretty sure the rest of them are just as flawed.

This isn't about the dating sites themselves but the people on them. Generally. This is for the people who just do the minimums on the dating sites. Those who only maybe upload a photo followed by the two words "ask me" or some variation of that. Do you know what you're doing by this? You are asking people to be vain, to judge you by your appearance. Essentially what you're doing is saying "if you think I'm hot hit me up." And as much as I do believe that yes dating sites are an exercise in vanity, there are those who use them with the true intent of finding someone special. I'm not saying that physical attraction is unimportant, but it is not the most important thing. What about similar common interests? What are you going to do if you have nothing in common? Okay, so think about this is: A profile with only visuals, and very little personal information, it sounds a bit more like they're looking for a hookup rather than dating. And there's nothing wrong with it if that is what you are looking for, but don't be ashamed about it. Don't hide behind a pretense of looking for "dating" or a "long term relationship" when what you're really looking for is a "casual encounter," "short term dating," or less subtly casual sex. Don't lie about it, it just irritates the rest of us that are actually looking for something real, or long term, something more than just physical.

But let's also talk about the photos that some people use on dating websites. And no, I'm not talking about the subject matter of the photos in general. I am of the belief that selfies are a wonderful thing, so yes; take pictures of yourself frequently and proudly. And of course use these selfies on dating websites. But take good photos, I'm talking adequate lighting, not overly grainy, and have your face in full view. Also a couple things that I have found to be a bit of an issue with dating site selfies, and these are actually to do with subject matter and thus are a bit more controversial. So here they are, ladies: I'm not saying all of you do this but certainly some do, and this photographic faux-pas is as I put it "more boob than face". Which is exactly as it sounds, more boobs than face, though yes boobs are nice and are certainly a way to attract a guy, but once again potentially for all the wrong reasons (if that's not what you're looking for). And guys I half assumed this was a high school habit and that I wouldn't actually have to mention it but keep your shirts on in pictures. Just because you can go shirtless in public or in photos online it doesn't mean that you have to. And for pictures that are not of yourself, though yes perfectly fine to be included on dating sites, if they are the only pictures though that can be a bit of an issue. As nice as it is to see your pets, vehicle, photography skills or any other possible thing, having a picture of yourself is kind of essential. Even if this photo is private and you only choose to share it after a bit of conversing, having a photo is essential.

So in conclusion put information into your profile, be honest and clear about your intentions, and include a decent photo. There are many other problems with dating sites that I did not bring up, but hopefully these will help ameliorate your experience on them. I mean this is of course in a perfect world, but we live in a flawed world and we are all flawed people. And with that I will bring back a quote which I used in a previous post. previous post. "It’s complicated. All this love shit’s complicated. And that’s good. Because if it’s too simple, you’ve got no reason to try. And if you got no reason to try, you don’t."- Adam Driver’s character to Daniel Radcliffe's in What If.

Post Script: I've been writing but not the things that I can post here. I've rewritten my dating profile twice. But I have been working on post-able items as well. Spring upon us, then summer and travel is something that I will do during this time. The thing about travel and vacationing though is that it allows for free time and free time means writing time, that or photography time.

An argument for dating your friends.

2015-02-21T18:04:00.001-08:00

I know using the term dating has many romantic connotations attached to it, and that makes sense because it is a primarily romantic term. In saying that this will be divided into two parts. Romantically dating your friends and platonically dating them.

Unlike similar thing I have written here I will not be including definitions and that's because defining dating is hard enough as it is, and doing it in a way that is not exclusively romantic is even more difficult. Even though I do think that these are both important things I will be starting with romantically, because platonically isn't as commonly thought about and will be a nice idea to think about at the end.
(For clarification purposes romantically dating your friends will be henceforth be known as dating your friend and it's platonic counterpart will be referred to as going on dates with your friends. Also these distinctions will becom clearer the longer you read.)

So dating your friends is definitely a risky maneuver, and that is the reason it is not done more often. But with any relationship worth having there's risk. And with this one there's the risk that if you do end up breaking up, which is always a possibility. Will you still be friends? Will your common friends be put in a situation where they have to choose sides? But I mean if you are considering starting a romantic relationship with a friend it should be a well thought out decision, not just a snap judgement, and therefore should be taken seriously. Because if we're being honest, if you're in a place with a friend where you both think that dating is a good idea, you are probably mature enough to continue your friendship if it doesn't work out with minimal whiplash circumstances pending of course. You might now be asking yourself but why risk dating your friends when you could just find someone exclusively for dating. Well that's easy, because dating someone you don't know is hard. Why bother going out and meeting someone just to date when you've got friends. They already know you, they know your quirks and faults, your strengths and history. They already know you, and you know them. You don't have to go through the whole awkward getting to know each other phase. You've already spent time together and don't have to worry about how to act around them because they already know if you're acting fake or not and will hopefully call you out on it. By dating your friend you two can be very much yourselves so much faster and avoid a lot of the awkwardness surrounding dating. When you think about it, if they aren't willing to be your friend why are you actually dating them in the first place. (Those people who say that they don't want to be friends they just want to be more, aren't really worth being either. True friends shouldn't give all or nothing ultimatums. That's just a douche move.) Well unless you are dating just for the sake of dating and not for the purpose of building your relationship towards a lifelong partnership. After all, if you really think about it, why would you actually date someone who wasn't your friend. There is a reason that they're called girlfriends or boyfriends. As I see it, there really is no better choice when wanting to date someone than choosing a friend to date.

On to going on dates with your friends. A very different concept than the one stated above, but much easier to grasp. So we all have friends, or at least I hope we all have friends. I know hanging out with friends is fun, and the feeling that they give you is great, ans one of the best things about friends is that you have someone to talk to. But sometimes you take your friends for granted, and though not necessarily intentional it is truly disappointing when it happens. (This is why I wanted the distinction between dating your friends and going on dates with your friends.) So you know the "getting to know you things" I mentioned that you don't really have to worry about by dating your friends. It is truly one of the big advantages of going on dates with your friends, except once again not as awkward. Because of course assuming that you're already passed the lowest level of friendship you should always be trying to get to know your friends better. You know what else is a good idea for building and strengthening friendships, spending one on one time with them. And really should be making a big deal out of this they are your friend after all. You should be getting all dressed up and going out to a proper sit down meal with your friends, you should be grabbing a coffee and going for a conversation filled walk with them.
Spending one on one time together, talking, and learning more about each other. Growing your relationship, because friendship is a type of relationship after all. You know what all that sounds like to me: Dates. As I mentioned before, you need to go on dates with your friends, literally. This is of course because though romantic relationships are fun and can be quite enjoyable, it really is your friendships that truly matter. (Despite how little I have written about the subject of friendships so far.)

So now I've told you why you should date your friends and why you should go on dates with your friends. Sorry if this seems weird and confusing, but honestly romantic dating is weird and confusing hopefully thus helps make it easier.

Post Script: Date your friends also, date your friends. A day later than the rest isn't too bad considering I wrote this in two days so that I could keep up my posting streak. It's three weeks in a row now. I'm feeling proud of myself. Also I'm not out of ideas or in a funk yet so that's nice.

Love, Lust, and Infatuation: and being able to identify them in yourself.

2015-02-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

Preface: As you might be able to tell, there are certain things that I choose to write about more than others. And despite the lack of it in my life, romantic love is one of those things I quite enjoy thinking and writing about.

With it being so close to Valentine’s Day I thought this would be an excellent time for this post. Because, really if not now than when really? Well really whenever because Valentine’s Day is a crap day to celebrate, to quote John Green “If you need to be reminded to like your romantic partner, you’redoing it wrong.”

So let’s get on to it already.

As usual when I compare things let us start with definitions both current and past. Love as I have discussed before, is not the easiest thing to pinned down but, for this purpose let’s focus on romantic love. And the top dictionary entry for love is “an intense feeling of deep affection or fondness for a person or thing; great liking.” And originally it was derived from words meaning “desires”, or “it is pleasing”. But as we know Romantic Love is not a simple thing. These definitions leave a lot to be desired, they don’t explain how Romantic Love is not easy, and how “falling in love” is a myth because you don’t fall in love. Falling is easy, but love is not. Or how Romantic Love is a two way street, and that it takes two people for love, two people who are working equally for love to be. I should be clear about what I’m saying when I say work, I don’t mean some dead end minimum wage job that you hate, I mean it should feel like your dream job: fun, love doing it, not always easy but you learn from it, and it is something that you’re passionate about. If you feel all of the above about your relationship, it’s love plain and simple. And I will finish this with a quote "It’scomplicated. All this love shit’s complicated. And that’s good. Because if it’stoo simple, you’ve got no reason to try. And if you got no reason to try, youdon’t."- Adam Driver’s character to Daniel Radcliffe in What If.

Now on to Lust, and unlike love, lust is easy and simple. Lust is a base animal instinct. The definitions; currently lust is a strong sexual desire, whereas originally lust was desire, appetite, pleasure; sensuous appetite. (But do I really have to deeply explain lust? It’s not a hard concept to grasp. Tee Hee… hard. I know, I’m so mature). Pure and simple lust is solely sexual attraction. It is exclusively a physical feeling, and often a temporary one that can just as easily pass from one person you see on to the next. It can be a very fleeting feeling, and the smallest of things can make it disappear completely or even enflame it and make it burn even brighter. I am not trying to say that lust is a bad thing, but I mean lust by itself can be very much an empty thing, but also can be a very addicting thing. Lust combined with infatuation can be very potentially useful in leading to love. Lust as said in less simple terms is the wanting or desire to have sex with a specific person. Now I can’t say that list is absolutely necessary for good relationships, because of course then I would alienate any asexuals, that’s something I would not want to do. But lust is a human thing and what we choose to do with it tell us a lot about ourselves.

Okay, infatuation now. This is the fun one, well kind of, I like it. So the dictionary says infatuation is to be affected by an intense fondness or admiration, but originally it was closer related to a variation of foolishness, to be more precise inspire in someone a foolish romantic passion. Now I know what you might be thinking, that this dictionary definition sounds incredibly close to that one I attributed to love. But that’s wrong, because of course infatuation isn’t love, it is very much from love. Well, very is a bit of a stretch, but back on topic. Another way to put it that is easier to understand or convey, an infatuation is a crush. Simple enough concept to grasp, and unlike love, a crush is something what you can fall into. They are easy, sometimes uncontrollable, and can happen in a split second (not necessarily a literal split second). Now I know what you’re thinking, but aren’t you supposed to crush on the one you love, and you’re absolutely right. But the thing about crushes is that they can very much be one sided, you can have a crush on someone and them not return those feelings. There’s also the unknowingness of a crush because of course logic dictates that if you have a crush on someone and they also have one on you as well you both know about set crushes that something will happen between you two (in a perfect world that is). But then you also have to take into account that you can a) have multiple crushes at a time, and b) the crush lives on an intensity spectrum and if you imagine the spectrum as a wave the crush surfs it quite regularly. Now, ideally you’d want to match your crush’s’ position on the spectrum, and along with your partner grow its intensity to the point where it becomes love. But sometimes it just doesn’t work out and heartbreak occurs. Yes, heartbreak isn’t exclusively related to love, it very much can happen with infatuation but with smaller impact, you know, less lives ruined and blood shed spanning years andcontinents.

There it is, Love, Lust, and Infatuation. Because if we didn’t have important words for things where would we be. It also certainly helps knowing when the right opportunity to use these words is, and this is of course because the words we choose to use say a lot about who we are. Now normally I wouldn’t choose to commemorate Valentine’s Day because it is a pointless tradition, but it does make people happy, and I’m not one to squash other people’s happiness. But as I quoted in the beginning, “If you need to be reminded to like your romantic partner, you’re doing it wrong.”

Post Script: You see that, two weeks in a row, now isn’t that just something. If I can just have the time to finish the rest of the half-finished ones I’ve started because I don’t really want to post just fluff.

Funk, no not the music.

2015-02-06T10:00:00.000-08:00

“There are two kinds of people in the world, birthday people and not birthday people. Not birthday people don’t make a big deal out of their birthdays, after all it’s not about an accomplishment. Birthday people are the exact opposite.” – Emily Owens M.D.

I have been both a birthday person and not one. But recently this day has not been my favourite day, which I have come to believe it a little odd-ish for someone of my age, and it actually has been like that for the past couple birthdays. I’m thinking that the early onset of this day is regret and looking back at how little I feel like I’ve accomplished.

I know 25 isn’t that old in the grand scheme of things but as the day draws closer I can’t help but think about it. And in all honesty it’s not even about my birthday, not exactly anyways.It’s just that I’m seeing all these people my age starting their own families then there’s me, I don’t know how to meet women let alone have any hint at if they would even be interested in me romantically. It’s not even that I think I’m ready to start my own family it’s that I’m not even close, I have not romantic prospects, absolutely none. And I think it’s just as hard that I don’t even have a simple crush, besides nostalgically or on a celebrity in years.

Above in italics is a perfect example of why I don’t post nearly as often as I would like to. Sometimes my writing gets away from me, now usually this isn’t a problem because I end up on interesting tangents but sometimes I find myself in a bit of a funk and my writing ends up being whiney, complain-y, and all woe is me. Truly, that is not at all what I am wanting to post on here so it frustrates me to no end when that’s all that my writing ends up producing.

Now normally I don’t let it get that far and just choose to close my notebook and give it time. I’ve also let myself write dark to get it out, but more often it’s just small bursts like this. But I think that’s how it is with everyone you want all the good and none of the bad. But I mean sometimes you need the bad to just show you how good it is when it is good.

So when you find yourself in a funk whether it writing or whatever I’ve found that there are usually two ways of dealing with it. First being to push through it; break through the wall that is funk with perseverance. Second is to give it time, in the same way that “Time heals all wounds” time tends to break funk down. But they both have their own advantages and disadvantages, it’s different for each person, and it’s even different for each situation. For me, as may seem obvious I tend to lean towards the give it time option, hence the breaks between posts. But then I don’t really try to push through, but that’s because when things get frustrating I just tend to switch to a different project.

With that I do thank those of you who regularly check this blog for updates, and those of you who read when I do post

Post Script: Happy New Years, plus one month. This winter has been weird, as I am finishing this it is the 1^st of Feb and as of so far there hasn’t been snow. And I live in Canada. It’s weird.

Five by five.

2014-12-01T06:13:00.000-08:00

It’s easy for me to share my opinions on a wide variety of topics including life, love, and body modification, but when it comes to talking about myself, my feelings and you know me in general I tend to struggle. And currently little by little I am trying to push myself, so I am going to try and write about myself, well, okay I am going to give you my annual list of things about myself. And since it is my 25^th here are 5 sets of five things about me.

1. I struggle with knowing when the right opportunity to act is.

2. I struggle with talking to new people. Especially girls.

3. I struggle with meeting people and large crowds.

4. I struggle with reading subtext and body language.

5. I struggle with me.

6. One of my strengths is making jokes even if I’m the only one who gets them.

7. One of my strengths is that I’m loyal and don’t like to let people go.

8. One of my strengths is that I am a good listener.

9. One of my strengths is that I am very good at keeping secrets.

10. One of my strengths is that I am a good photographer.

11. I habitually make references to things a lot of people around me don’t understand, but it doesn’t discourage me.

12. I habitually say exactly the wrong things and exactly the wrong times.

13. I habitually run away as a means of escaping.

14. I habitually spend my free time alone not doing what I mean to do.

15. I habitually jokingly tease people I like, less so if romantic interest is involved.

16. I am turned on by passion.

17. I am turned on by blue eyes.

18. I am turned on by nerdy obsessions, habits, and or hobbies.

19. I am turned on by Intelligence.

20. I am turned on by Independence.

21. I am turned off by smoking.

22. I am turned off by known ignorance.

23. I am turned off by closed mindedness.

24. I am turned off by doormats.

25. I am turned off by futility and monotony.

Post Script: I wrote this in one draft for once which is odd for anything I post; I was sitting in Starbucks being far too nervous to talk to the cute girl sitting beside me. Which could easily have had some impact on this post. Also I may end up posting a second thing later on.

Written A Year Apart. What looks to me like growth.

2014-10-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

A blog in two parts.

Part 1. (Written Fall 2013)

Let’s talk about Halloween, because I’m annoyed by the phrase “I don’t celebrate/do Halloween, I’m Christian”. And it’s only been this year (last year) that I have actually taken notice of this, though I’m sure that I have been exposed to this phrase or some variation of it before. It could be that now I have a job that is big into Halloween, or that I am listening better, or something else that I haven’t thought of.

I’ve never understood why there are certain things that some (not all) Christians abstain from where as other embrace those same things. Now I say abstain, and it could be assumed that I am talking about sex, alcohol, and specific foods, because that makes sense with biblical law. What I’m talking about in some ways is Christian parents pushing their personal brand of beliefs onto their children. This once again brings me back to Halloween, (or for another example I’ve experienced, modern rock music, regardless of whether or not it is a Christian musician/group or not) because though it does derive it’s origin from the belief that it was the one day of the year that the spirits of the dead return to the mortal realm, or something else ridiculous like that. But now it’s origin, though not forgotten, no stock is put in it, or at least not in common place, and yet there are those who question Halloween and stick to thinking that it was inherently bad and thus forcing this belief on their children being excluded from the average practices surrounding Halloween. The days has now been reclaimed by Western Society as a reason to put on costumes, get or give out candy or even just be someone else for a few hours.

Now if this was a universal practice among Christians I don’t think I would find this to be so irritating. But the disdain for Halloween is only a personal choice or at least that’s what I’ve always thought, seen, and believed. I’ve known pastors who dress up for Halloween, and members of their congregation refuse to even consider that western society’s reclamation removed the paganism from the thing.

Part 2. (Written Fall 2014)

Rereading to the point above I am realizing that almost around a year after writing it what I am doing is bashing how people have taken to making their beliefs their own. I am not saying that I understand why they don’t celebrate it I am saying that I am not angry about it anymore, and that I understand where the lack of uniformity is coming from. Because they’re just doing what I’m doing, in that I myself am making my beliefs my own, and I think more people need to do that, or take a critical look at what they believe including the “rules” that are imposed by their beliefs’ central supposed authority or text.

My only issue now is one that I touched on in part 1 and that is if their beliefs are dictated by what their parents believe and thus just what they did while growing up. Because blindly following your parents’ beliefs are still not making them your own. Blind belief is not a good thing; logically you should know what you believe and why you believe it. Now this might seem like it contradicts the commonly quoted Bible verse “walk by faith, not by sight”, but it is my opinion that belief and faith are two different things. Belief is “an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists”, whereas Faith is “belief that is not based on proof”. So the way I see it the verse is closely related to the Switchfoot lyric “Doubt your doubts, and believe your beliefs”.

And that could be the overall message behind this post, or at least one of them. One of the others is being related to learning about your beliefs and not just going with whatever your parents tell you to.

So this was a post written in two parts a year apart from each other. Starting out as a rant about people not celebrating Halloween, and it turned into me going on about how people should not blindly believe things and how people should make their beliefs their own.

Post Script: As always there is probably more that I could add, and more to learn to add, if I come across it I will share it maybe by a new post or by updating this one. Either way if there is more for me to share I will share it. Also I hope that I will have other posts written before this one besides my one on feminism because I am scheduling this one for the week of Halloween.

I know this might seem like I am making excuses...

2014-10-21T12:21:00.001-07:00

But there is once again no proper post this week. There has been a death in the family.

I'm Sorry.

2014-10-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, there is no proper post today. This passed weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving and my mom drove down for a couple days, so needless to say, I've been busy. Too busy to get something finished and posted. It happens sometimes, but I should be back next week.

Dating Terms. A blog response.

2014-10-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

Recently I read a blog post from another blogger that one of my Facebook friends had shared, and it was about dating terms and how they’d changed since the writer had gotten married, he called it a “hazy, undefined dating-but-not-dating scene”. I’m not sure how long he’d been married but he made it seem like it had been at least a little while. He assumed these terms are used due to fear of commitment, and with continuing and increasing reliance social media and technology, of course dating terms have changed. So I am going to venture a try at clarifying some of the terms he mentioned.

The two new terms he used were “hungout/ hanging out” and “talking/texting”, but he also went into the older term of “courting”. So I will explain what he couldn’t

Let’s start with “talking/texting”, now I know these things are not unique to this situation and therein lies the source of confusion. You talk and text with people that you’re not romantically linked to, or wish to be. You also can do this before you find yourself romantically linked to them.

So how do you differentiate texting with a friend and texting with romantic interest?

Well it’s simple, two words, “Romantic Intent”, now what this means is that your intentions are to potentially lead that conversation either verbal or electronic in a romantic direction. Now this isn’t to be confused with flirting, because even though flirting is a part of this not all of flirting has the Romantic Intent that this form of “talking/texting” does. Some people are naturally flirty, some people oblivious to their own flirting, and Romantic Intent is a conscious thing, that’s because romance it’s self is a conscious thing elsewise it is a subconscious, animal, basic instinct.

Now on to “hung/hanging out” and once again these are words that do not necessarily have a romantic connotation to quote the original blogger whom I am responding to “Hanging out is how we describe what we do with our buddies”, and even in my further explanation it is not necessarily “romantic” but it is also not in the common definition of the words. This is because “hung/hanging out” could potentially mean one of two things; One being pre-dating(romantic) and two being a physical thing (could be romantic, but not always). I will talk about them in that order. Pre-dating is as it seems to, literally before dating, and “talking/texting” is a big part of this. Conversational chemistry is only one part of what is necessary for the romantic relationship known as dating. Now this might need a little more clarification; once again there is “Romantic Intent” but there is a greater proximity aspect to this but not a physicality to it. I know that this still sounds like dating except with no physical aspect but this comprises of non-dating activities. So I’m talking about things like quick coffees, grocery shopping, exercising, short walks, even a movie under the right circumstances but there’s no holding hands, kissing, or cuddling(things that buddies do), but maybe a hug once and again depending on circumstance. Now these are not requirements, because at this point what is between the two people involved are still in an essentially undefined state. Then there’s the other definition where “hanging out” is a euphemism for having sex, and this one doesn’t necessarily have to have any trace of romantic intent, this could include friends with benefits, “fun” buddies, random hookups, pretty much any opportunity where sex is being had could be described as hanging out. I am pretty sure that was the assumption that was made in his blog post. And he made it seem like that was the only option where it could very well be an option but not the only one. This related to him complaining about hooking up, he didn’t bash it directly but he did call it “teenage” and used the phrase “vague, timid, code words of high school freshmen”, also describing it as “embarrassing. Almost as if you weren’t in any sort of a committed relationship you’re doing it wrong. And with that I believe that there’s an implied aspect of quote unquote slut shaming there.

There were other things in this post that I had issues with beyond his lack of knowledge on evolving language that I had issues with. For one he appeared to put the onus of blame on only men for this. Especially since it is not always men who are unclear with their intentions or desire for casuality in relationship. And in relationship to that he compared a casuality or lack of definition in relationships to an inherit immaturity in men, and it being a result of fear.

Post Script: I am realizing how much I think about love and relationships, or at least how much it appears that I do. When in reality most of these posts are just me figuring or at least trying to figure things out. This post should have been up sooner, considering when I had read the original post, it was all in my head and I had just needed the time to get it all out.

My Journey In Feminism

2014-10-01T08:55:00.001-07:00

I feel like I should preface this with the statement that I am human and with that it comes with the stunning surprise that I am not wrong, ever. And I hope the sarcasm was clear in that statement above. I would also hope that you don’t hold what I’m about to say against me, I’m going to talk about my journey into feminism.

I guess a good place to start would be with some definitions.

Dictionary definition: The Doctrine advocating social political and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

Definition when I asked a feminist: A movement towards gender equality, but now it's evolved and become intersectional meaning it also includes discussions of race, sexuality, class, etc. Essentially a movementtowards equality of all kinds.

Ignorant definition: Man hating female superiority.

And I won’t lie, I’ve thought each of those definitions were true at different times in my life. And currently, the feminists’ definition is the closest to something I believe in.

See, besides the government oppressing people’s rights, I do see music and other forms of media as one of the biggest blocks to the equality movement. I mean if you listen to a lot of the quote unquote popular music women are perceived as being either stupid or only useful for sex, not to mention how racial stereotypes are perpetuated in all sorts of media. Now I am not sure if a quote from this person is the best choice but it does fit in context.

“I feel like hip hop used to be a voice for the voiceless, and now it’s become at least in the mainstream; A symbol of misogyny, gay panic, fiscal irresponsibility.” – Bo Burnham

Though is does not provide any usable advice for how we could change things but it does bring to light one of the many problems that seems to just go widely accepted in society. Now saying that, there was that one song by Robin Thicke, which I can’t even quote or even properly use as an example because I cannot be bothered to listen to or Google the lyrics based on the unanimous hatred for the song. But eliminating hate speech, and actions in the media would only do so much. What we really need is a massive change in peoples thinking. To be precise, we need to change what people joke about, because I know this is crap, but if something is laughed at it is all people need to believe that something is acceptable to do. This means no sammich jokes, wide based generalizations, and even making light or the stereotypical gender roll definitions. Because it is just as okay for the men to be single or stay at home parents just as it is for women, there is no job that I can think of that a man can do better than a woman; I do believe that women can do anything and everything just as good as a man can. Women can raise children without there being a man involved just as well as if there was and the same thing goes for men. And that is the major problem with people making objections to same sex couples having or adopting children and their objections are absolutely ridiculous.

So there are a couple problems with my above statements, which I found while typing this up. One, being I was using gender binary terms where I did not mean to exclude non gender binary peoples. Two, I primarily focused on binary gender issues I didn’t even go too far into issues around race, non-binary genders, and so many more things that feminism is about. Three, the true problem with people is not their physical appearance. When the real problems are with people’s personalities, we need to treat people based on who they are not what they look like or who they are romantically or sexually interested in.

Okay so society is all about progress right? Living longer, being better, having a better understanding of the universe. If we didn’t strive for progress then why are there constantly technological and medical advancements? Now what we really need to do if we really wish to be a truly progressive society is one word, Equality. And some people will say that we already do lie in an equal society, but pardon my French that is Bullshit. The white man is still figuratively king, women and non-binary gendered people are not given adequate or even proper recognition, and people with any skin tone besides white get judged far too often, quickly, and stereotyped even further from there. Okay and you know what love is? Love is an energy, it cannot be created or destroyed, and comes in many forms. If more people understood this it wouldn’t really matter what people looked like, who people were or whomever they liked, they would treat each other as if they were just people. We all share the same planet and that should be good enough to treat each other well and properly.

Post Script: I once again need to reiterate that I am no expert in this field, and I am still learning and going forward in this journey. Because I cannot change the mind of anyone else until my own mind is good. I also figured that after a couple posts aside from last weeks on the primary physical, a deeper post was needed.

Dear Prince Rupert.

2014-09-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Prince Rupert,

I know I don’t live in you anymore, and I haven’t for years and it has been four years since my last visit but I do love you and I want the best for you. I think what’s best for you is Blair. I’ve known Blair for I’d say 13 years now, and yes for a majority of that we haven’t lived in the same place so I wouldn’t call us close, but none the less I do consider him a friend and I know that gives me a certain bias. I do believe that my love for Prince Rupert outweighs that bias, and I know the mayoral and city council doesn’t exactly affect me but it does affect you and I care about you.

Let me tell you about Blair. In all the time that I’ve known him, I have not known Blair to make the bad choice; where bad is meaning not good and not bad meaning wrong. He has never been one to talk about people behind their backs or even to speak ill about people in general and he tended to be inclusive no matter how weird the person(me). Blair has always been smart and reliable but he has never been cocky about it. He is and always has been a good person. Now, ask yourselves in today’s world what does politics need? and the answer is good people this is because good people will bring about a good change wherever they have influence.

It is my belief that Blair Mirau is one of these people for Prince Rupert. He is running on a platform of accountability, efficiency, and prosperity and how I see it those also branch off to transparency, fiscal responsibility, and increased inter-community co-operation. I know what you might be thinking now, these are all common promises made by many politicians running for office. But it in my heart I know that if there were one person who could make these promises and do their hardest to follow through on them, that person is Blair Mirau.

In closing, I believe in Blair Mirau.

From Tommy Roberts

Pretty, Cute, Beautiful, Hot: a guide to proper use and distinction.

2014-09-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

In a way all four of those words could be used in one way or another to describe the attractiveness of someone. But how do you know which word is right to use and when it was right to use them. Welcome to another lesson on the words we choose to use. And much link where I talked about Sluts,Skanks, and Whores, these are words we use to describe people. (I chose not to include handsome as I don’t use it like ever.)

I’d like to start with a brief explanation as to the order: Pretty, Cute, Beautiful, and Hot. Now it may have been easier to do it alphabetically, or I could try and sort them into a leveling system where each one quantified attractiveness. But no, what I did was pair them off, pretty and cute, then beautiful and hot, now I did this because though they all are different words which describe attractiveness I believe the pairs are conflicting sets. Not in the sense that they are so different that they are conflicting, but in the sense that they are so similar and yet so different that they are in conflict. That is why I chose to clarify their meanings and usages.

First: Pretty and Cute.

Now these two words have an old meaning in common, and it was a far less superficial meaning. They both at one time meant clever, but this was back when clever was not quite as much an admirable trait as it is nowadays. But that was then, and now they have more, I don’t want to say superficial but since they are about positive physical attributes, I don’t quite know how to put it. I mean think about it, Pretty is “attractive in a delicate, dainty, or graceful way without stateliness” and Cute is a “shy attractiveness” or “attractive, endearing, charming, clever, or ingenious” but those are just dictionary definitions. But how can you tell which to use in common language? Well I guess that’s what I’m doing here.

So pretty is a form of attractiveness (obviously), it is not subtle, but also is not obvious. A pretty thing or person is delicate or possesses a delicate manner. Their appeal is a simple thing, meaning that it does not need to be thought upon, if asked why something is pretty the only answer to that should be “because it is”. If there was a word that meant intensely pleasing but not shockingly so (in association to appearance), that word would perfectly describe how I tend to use pretty. Now cute can be another form of attractiveness (again obviously), unlike pretty though it is not necessarily a physical thing. (This is not saying pretty is only physical, but it’s primarily attribute is physical).Cuteness is a clever thing; it is subtle which is why it is called a “shy attractiveness”. But this is still about the physical in actuality; cute is a way to describe someone’s overflowing passion for a thing. Cute can also be an emotional reaction; so happy you’re literally or even figuratively bouncing up and down, an authentic or even fake pouty disappointment. I’ve always seen cute as being a specific term, not a generalization. In closing, pretty is primarily physical and cute is a blend of physical and non-physical. (My preference is cute over pretty, but that’s just me).

Second: Beautiful and Hot.

These two are more intense, and differed greatly where Pretty and Cute did only slightly. But, I will begin by defining hot and switching the order around because I am more passionate about the word Beautiful.

Hot in this sense has a slang definition; good looking, sexy, lustful, or sexually aroused. Also could be intense sexual desire or attraction. In a definition that I am not going to explore it means passionate or excited. Now that is the dictionary definition, not mine, not exactly. On to mine now, Hot is used to describe something solely physical or sexual. It is a very simple thing, if you find their body physically or sexually appealing even without knowing anything else about them then hot is the appropriate word. Finding or thinking someone hot is an immediate reactionary response; it is a base animalistic reaction. Now if I were to say Hot is something very superficial, you might think I were saying it was a bad thing but it is not, it is instinct, natural, normal to find someone hot. But it is not necessarily good either, because of its’ simple nature some people tend to rely in it far too much. Now, on to Beautiful. Beautiful is rooted in Latin words meaning pretty, fine, or blessed and happy, now blessed is probably the closest of these that come to my “true meaning”. Beautiful is a complex word, it is not simple or something that could be boxed up. It is not to be a reactionary word, its’ usage is meant to be a well thought out thing. (Now I don’t really want to go into an examination of the question “what is beauty?” because that would be a post on to its self, and this is more about the word beautiful and when to use it). So where hot was purely one thing, and that one thing being physical, beautiful is to be used for instances or more than physicality but including the physical, it is an all-encompassing thing. Being beautiful is more than one thing; it is not the singular parts of a thing, but the whole of it. Where the whole is body, and mind, and soul; if you think of it like one of those fighting video games like Tekken or Street Fighter, beautiful is the penultimate combo move, or Scorpions’ finishing move in the original Mortal Kombat game. It is like combining the Triforce of power, wisdom, and courage. Okay now getting away from video game analogies. And it has to be a complete combination, not just one part, two parts, but it has to be all parts. So see, an excerpt from a book can be good, but it is not a complete novel, in the same way a person can be physically attractive and intellectually appealing, but unless they are a good person as well they are not beautiful. To be clear, it’s okay to be hot, and it is okay to want to be hot, but really what you want is to be beautiful, or find someone who thinks you’re beautiful, that way you know it matters, because that way you know it’s real. I mean you want to sleep with hot; you might even want to date hot but really hot is just a shadow of beautiful. Because you still want to sleep with beautiful, date beautiful, but really it is really just a pleasure to be around beautiful things and people.

In conclusion, these words are not bad things; I mean they all had to do with attraction and attractivity. And attractiveness is a desirable trait but really it is not something that should be a person’s primary focus. It’s good if you’re pretty sure, but unless you’re something more it’s just dull. It is truly more important to be interesting than attractive. But that is why what is good is to be beautiful, but still not the only thing you should be.

Post Script: It feels good to be blogging again. Now I don’t know when this is going to be posted because though it is the first one being typed up I know that it won’t be the first one posted, that honour is reserved for my In memoriam. But I am writing and typing and posting, and that just feel more right.

Redheads.

2014-09-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

So I am not one to try and hide my nerdiness on this blog, I mean I’ve written two blog posts involving Final Fantasy VII. So it really shouldn’t be too much of a stretch for you to learn that my attraction to redheads started with Jean Grey, she was smart, hot for a comic book/cartoon character, and also she could read minds and had telekinesis. Also when I was younger Cyclops had personality traits which I aspired to have: leadership, respect, superpowers, and the girl. Now, I see that he’s a bit of a douche, has a hard time thinking for himself, and habitually plagued with self-doubt (but that’s probably why when I was younger I wanted to be Spider-Man, but then Mary-Jane Watson there fueled my redheaded love). But Scott Summers is not what I am here to talk about. And though for a long time I lacked any opportunity to express it, my affection for redheads didn’t wane.

It wasn’t again until high school that I met my first redheaded crush. And well from there I formed my first opinion on redheads. And sadly it was a generalization, but it was more of an environmental thing rather than people’s personalities being in any way related to their hair colour. It was a dumbass thing to think at the time, and I know that I should have known better especially even then I knew that the reputation blondes is completely false.

So here is an excerpt from a thing I wrote in 2008 on redheads.

“Redheads, gingers, touched by fire, call them what you want they have always eluded me everything from behavioral pattern to common interests, all but one thing I have observed they they all seem to have in common. A superiority complex, they may not admit it but they all protrude an air of being better than all the rest.”

It is so obvious to me now that I was so very wrong. I never saw their passion, their intelligence, their creativity, or their determination. I only ever saw the fire in their hair, but never the fire in their souls.

Now I know I am still putting a lot of stock into physical appearance, and still am making plenty assumptions about people passed on a single physical attribute. I know this is wrong, I know that. Whole heartedly I know that the physical is fleeting and that it is on the inside that counts. But that’s not saying that the physical has no effect on personality, because it does. But that’s what I am looking for though, someone with passion, intelligence, determination and someone who lets their souls' fire burn bright and hot. Someone who is a redhead on the inside.

Before I finish I’d like to address the supposed soullessness of redheads. Because to lack a soul is to lack fundamental personhood, for someone to be soulless is to truly be less than human, they would be literally a sub-human species. And to classify someone let alone a whole group of people in that way is just far too degrading to be allowed to happen.

Post Script: If it wasn’t obvious, I’m back. Now in my defense I did say it might be a while. Plus the summer weather is a little too nice to write and not going out exploring, enjoying and photographing.

In Memoriam.

2014-09-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

Now I don’t claim to be the right person to write this, because I didn’t know the man, and I never even met him. I only know him through some of his work. (If that could be considered knowing.) I am of course talking about the late Robin Williams. This is written in his memory; it is a thank you letter of sorts.

I’d like to preface his by saying that of the many things I am, one of them is an escape artist. Meaning that when I find myself in a bind or a tough situation in general I tend to escape if that means cutting ties, submerging myself into work, or ignoring the world by diving into the many worlds of books, movies or video games; even your own imagination can be an escape. I’ve been escaping reality for as long as I can remember. This is because growing up wasn’t always the easiest thing for me and escaping was.

Most of the Robin Williams movies that I’ve watched for the first time were in a period before Netflix, Facebook, or even Myspace, in the 90’s and early 2000’s. This was the time period of my life where I found myself in elementary school, most of which I found myself getting bullied at school and part of it I found myself getting verbally abused at home. So I would escape because that’s what came naturally to me. At that time my preferred modes of escape were TV/movies and my own imagination, and besides Star Wars my most commonly watched movies were comedies because who doesn’t link to laugh when they’re having a bad day. So I would watch Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Hook… his kid-centric movies. Then as I got older I’d watch Jack, Jumanji, Bicentennial Man. And though my taste in movies matured I still went on to enjoy his style. And I’d laugh and be happy during the time his movies provided; they allowed a brief escape from my reality.

But I didn’t stop watching his movies once my reality changed, it only meant that I didn’t have to rely or use them to make me laugh. I could watch them for the purpose of enjoyment, because I wanted to, I could even watch Robin Williams’ movies for nostalgic reasons.

I wish I could have met you and told you this in person, and sadly now I cannot. But Thank you Robin Williams, for all that you’ve done for me and everyone else that you’ve touched.

O, captain my captain. You Will be missed.

No post script here, not this time.

Aeris, Gossip Girl, and assumptions.

2014-04-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

I’ve been trying to think of how to put this because I haven’t found the correct way to put this, because I haven’t found the right word/s to describe it. I could say it is about second chances but I’ve always felt that it is something that applies more so to people rather than things. That’s not what I plan on talking about though, what I’m trying to talk about is more about revisiting assumptions. It might be easier if what I do is use an example.

The first thing that comes to mind is Aeris or Aerith depending on your choice of translation. Now this might be an outdated example, but I think it’s the most accurate one that I’ve got. So Aeris was a video game character, the archetypal healer, and you get her close to the beginning of the game, but around a third of the way through she dies, and it is inevitable to stop if you wish for the story to progress at all. And so I found myself thinking what was obvious, “why use a character that ends up dying,” or “why use a healer, when there are other ways to save and heal your other characters.” I thought she was useless, and in some ways she still kind of is. But now, looking back at her I think she is integral, not only because you realize by the end of the game that she had a purpose but how her perma-death added a certain level of depth and character that I had previously not noticed in video games. But only for the reason that she wasn’t permanently playable, I wouldn’t play her. But in my most recent play through, I really don’t want to let her die. Though the main character’s inability to help stop someone he cares about from getting hurt also strikes a personal cord with me. Because I was unable to help someone.

Another example may help.

So at the time that I started writing this I had just finished watching Gossip Girl, and the fact that it turned out to be a much better show than I had expected, it semi-inspired me to write this. My first thoughts on the show, this is of course based on me having never watched even a single episode before and only having read small plot descriptions and seeing a television trailer or two. So I just thought it was going to be rich kids with rich kid problems. And in part I was right. But that’s not all it was. The characters were compelling, interesting, and more than initially seemed and at the end you realize that it all was just one big love story. And had I not given it a chance I wouldn’t have realized that interesting character driven television dramas were still being created with young adults in mind.

After writing this I realize that it is in part about revisiting assumptions, part about not judging a book by its cover and a bigger part about me talking about things I like. But I want to try and change that.

Now I may have mentioned this in a previous post because I already have assumptions as one of my tags. But assuming makes an ass(out of)u(and)me. And this more than anything has motivated me to revisit some of my old assumptions, but also in an attempt to better myself. Because it is not just in the present where you can change, change can be made for the future in the past. Because it is not just good to change who you are but to learn from whom you were as well.

I hope this helps someone look back on something that they had previously dismissed, thought badly on, or even ignored based on hearsay or someone else’s experiences.

Post Script: Thinking back on this I find that a Switchfoot quote comes to mind. “Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs.” I feel like that quote actually kind of works when it comes to this post. And at the time of me scheduling this post, I actually have no more fully written, which could end up being kind of worrisome because I don’t know if more will be posted after this one for a while. But I do hope there will be.

Jack and his Many Skills.

2014-04-23T13:44:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you about my friend Jack, (well okay his name isn’t actually Jack per say, it’s just that he can do so many things, and so I consider him to be somewhat of a Jack of all trades (even though all trades is a little bit of a stretch.) But he can do a great many things, more than me, and some of the things that he does/has done are things that I myself wish I could do. He is that friend many of us have who inspires us to do more, that friend we aspire to be more like.

(Don’t worry this is going somewhere.) It took me much time and money to find my preferred artistic outlet, at first I thought sketching and so I bought a nice sketchbook and some decent pencil sets. I tried it out but it just didn’t fit, and so I leave the sketching and drawing to my cousins. A couple years before I had been told that playing guitar was a good way to meet girls, and so for that Christmas I got a guitar. But I didn’t want to put in the time it would take to learn guitar from the instructional vhs tape it came with. Then the next October I went to this concert, I mean it was just there two local bands, but one of the bands was Jack’s current band. But this is not the first time I meet Jack. They were a great band, so I would go and see them play whenever I could, and I would try and promote them to the best of my ability, not for Jack’s sake but because the music was great. Also what helped our friendship was that every two or three weeks him and his then girlfriend would go to the movie theater where I was working. At that time the two tickets that got them in was $18.00 and when paying with a $20 bill it would leave him with a toonie/townie? (I’m Canadian and I’m not even sure) And after a while he started to give me the change, not because I’d ask for it, but because I think he started to recognize me from his shows, or just because he felt like it, I’m not sure. Then one day I found him on Facebook, added him as a friend, which resulted in a growth in our friendship. But then he moved away and I missed the music. About a year after that, my little brother found my old guitar and expressed an interest I learning how to play it. So my mom arranged to get him lessons, and after like two or three weeks which equaled out to around 2 or 3 lessons, I felt a little excluded, I felt the desire to fill the artistic gap again, and to remember my guitar playing friend, it was a perfect idea and so I as well started guitar lessons. But I only ended up taking them for about a year (probably closer to around seven months at once a week,) and because my desire to play guitar was renewed. For Christmas that year I got a new nice adult sized guitar. I still enjoy guitar, and was re-inspired by Jack to give it a real shot, by that I mean photography of course, my primary artistic outlet.

Another thing about Jack is that he has self e-published two novels. As I think I’ve mentioned before I am a story teller at my core, and so writing a novel is a dream of mine. Now I’ve just started actually reading it because before this Christmas I didn’t have an e-reader. But I have read a previous semi-unedited version of the first novel and that was great. So I am really excited about reading this published version, as well as reading the second novel in his series. And in that way I aspire to be like Jack.

Besides his musical talent and his writing ability, Jack also does good. Jack also helps run a decently sized youth program in Edmonton. Now I’ve been involved in helping with a youth program in the past, but that was mainly helping with rides and providing minor supervision. So I didn’t have any type of major role in it much.

Music

https://soundcloud.com/danwmcintyre

https://soundcloud.com/hashtagboom

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/dan-mcintyre/id4283851

Books

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/vincent/id430825053?mt=11

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/vincent-founder-triumphs/id791293988?mt=11

To be clear, he does all this while maintaining a steady job designing kitchens and seeming to keep up a social life. And in conclusion jack is awesome and I wish I was a bit more like him.

Post Script: Despite this post being the first where I include a tangible link to whom the person the post is about. I still hold firm that I don’t openly tell people that I chose to write about them. I should also mention that there is really only one more of these that I plan on writing, and that I haven’t even started it.

Body Modifications Part 3.

2014-04-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

The Big Time: Surgery.

Now this could be the most controversial of the three. Surgery does carry a certain stigma around it, and if you read what I wrote about piercings you’re probably thinking that I will be all against it. But surgery has both its goods and its bads.

Let me start with the differences between cosmetic surgery and plastic surgery, because this may surprise you but they are not the same things.

Cosmetic surgery and plastic surgery are not the same thing:

Cosmetic surgery procedures enhance a person's appearance toward some aesthetic ideal.

Cosmetic surgery is practiced by doctors from a variety of medical fields including dermatologists, facial plastic surgeons, general surgeons, gynecologists, oral and maxillofacial surgeons, ophthalmologists, otolaryngologists, plastic surgeons, as well as doctors from other fields.

Unlike cosmetic surgery, plastic surgery focuses on repairing and reconstructing abnormal structures of the body caused by birth defects, developmental abnormalities, trauma, infection, tumors or disease.

And so with those lines drawn you might be thinking that I’m just gonna say cosmetic bad, plastic good. But it’s not as simple as that, and by those definitions plastic is good, but that does not necessarily mean that cosmetic is bad though. But it isn’t, not always anyways. I do believe that surgery should be the last choice not the first one. I am a big proponent of loving the body you’re in or learning to love the body you’re in. But I also so acknowledge that it is not always possible for this to happen. And in that case I do believe that if there is nothing else that can be done, cosmetic surgery is a completely acceptable option. As I said before it shouldn’t be a first choice, but a last resort. Now I should be clear that if you think that changing your body because you think it will make someone else like you more. No, simply no. Don’t get surgery to impress someone else, because if they have a problem with your body it is not you it’s them.

See now I am not even sure if it is something that surgeons let you rush into. Because piercings can be taken out, tattoos can be removed, but surgery is not always as easily reversible and there’s no guarantee that it will turn out the way you want it to.

Think hard and embrace your quote unquote imperfections before you decide to surgically change them. Because I’d like to believe that changing your mind is more beneficial than changing your body.

Post Script: I’m sure is more research that I could do on this, but I do think this does cover the point I am trying to get across. Also I am hoping that I can keep up on regular posts. I think I am doing good so far. Wednesdays are good right?

Body Modifications Pt. 2

2014-04-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

Mid-level: Tattoos

Last week I shared my opinions (issues) on various different piercings, and a lot of that was on the negative side of things, mostly how I didn’t like them. But that’s different when it comes to tattoos, or at least I’m a lot less against them, to the point where I’ve actually thought about getting one myself. Then I find myself asking four questions; one for myself and three I will discuss. Mine: what will it cost (Because I am conscious that they are expensive)? Discussion: What? Where? And, Why?

The What. When you think about it, I mean what is so important to you that you would have your skin permanently drawn on. I will probably repeat this multiple times, because it has been my opinion for a while, “getting tattoos for the sake of getting tattoos is a bad idea.” I understand that sometimes you might think getting a tattoo on a whim might seem like it would be a cool thing to do and it could provide an interesting story, but No, just no. A tattoo should be something you think about, you shouldn’t just show up and pick something off a wall or out of a book, and it should be unique and personal. Definitely not some stock design out of a book or some random ridiculous tribal design. IT SHOULD MEAN SOMETHING. I should also mention that I believe getting your own name, initials etc. (even someone else’s most time) tattooed on your body is tacky and a bad idea. “Getting tattoos for the sake of getting tattoos is a bad idea.” Now in saying all that if done properly, tattooing is an art form. Sometimes the human body can be used to capture a certain emotion, such as in a painting or a photograph, whereas with tattoos they can be used to express something. Even more commonly through their body is the canvas on which the art is displayed. And this is a way for the whole world to see on persons’ art. A mobile canvas that is essentially designed to interact with people.

Now, where you choose to get your tattoo is also a big factor in your decision. I will straight up come right out and say it. Face tattoos are stupid, and I probably would judge you for getting them. Also the wide landscape lower back tattoos, commonly called “tramp stamps” are very funny (that might be the best way for me to put it, I certainly do chuckle). But I do think placement is very important, you wouldn’t start your tattoo sleeve on your wrist and have its’ story move upwards, you start at the shoulder and it move from top to bottom. Just like you wouldn’t get a pair of angel wings or a huge mural on your chest rather than your back, it is very much a matter of both common sense and sensible matching of tattoo to location. But once again I will bring it back to this quote “Getting tattoos for the sake of getting tattoos is a bad idea.”

Why to get a tattoo, possibly the most important of the three questions. It could even override the “what to get” as long as it has a root theme. But I still don’t think it could outweigh the quote I’ve been repeating “Getting tattoos for the sake of getting tattoos is a bad idea.” I do believe that tattoos can be quite effective in commemorating events, or even memorializing people, or even to show how much you like something. To be clear on the last one it shouldn’t be done in an attempt to prove that you like something. It should be done to express an overwhelming love for something. Tattoos should be of something that you find that you can’t live without, figuratively of course. And as I’ve already said they should be unique and personal. In saying that, I should probably discuss matching tattoos. By discuss me of course mean that it’s a bad idea because it is an inevitability that relationships always end; in either break up, divorce, or death (John Green).

So I guess in summation if you’re going to get a tattoo, don’t get one on a whim, get one that means something and don’t get one for the sake of getting one.

Post Script: I know there’s more I could say about tattoos, and I still might, later on. But for now that’s what I’ve got to say. That wasn’t much of a post script was it? More so a continuation. So I will probably not for the last time pose a question: What do you think of tattoos?

Body Modifications part one:

2014-04-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

The small stuff: Piercings.

Now I do strongly believe that every person has the inherit right to do whatever they so choose to their own bodies. With saying that I should also say that I think that excessive piercings are stupid and just generally not a good idea. Now using the word stupid might be a little controversial, and I should clear it up, I am not saying that a person who gets multiple piercings is stupid, but if we could learn anything from Wolverine it’s that filling your body with metal is not the wisest thing in the world.

I should explain a bit more. I am not against piercings; I am against the excess and/or pointlessness of many. I can understand ear piercings, shiny things attract the attention of possible mates up to eye level (while not being overly distracting), and eye contact encourages more listening. (This is very similar to eye make-up being used to draw attention to them.) In saying that I’m not talking about stretched lobes, because I won’t even try and understand why someone would do that. (I mean not having or ever wanting piercings I don’t understand the appeal anyway, but more so with stretching.) I’m gonna start with non-ear facial piercings, but not all of them. My main annoyance is focused on two specific piercings: the septum and Monroe piercings. (I should clarify that this does not mean I have no opinion of other non-ear facial piercings. I think nose piercings are better as studs rather than hoops, multiple eyebrow piercings should be consolidated on to a single brow rather than spread out, as well I can only assume that any piercings in or around the mouth and lips could make talking, eating, kissing, etc. a bit more awkward or difficult.)

Now, my issue with the septum piercing is simple, it minds me of those cartoon bulls which is ridiculous because I believe they originally put those rings through the inside of their noses was so that their owners could guide them to where they want them to go, like a dog on a leash. I know you can’t do that with a person’s piercing, but I still envision myself as a matador from time to time when I see that piercing on people. (Also because I could never envision myself doing this with an actual bull.)

And the Monroe. (In my opinion the worst of the two facial piercings.) The Monroe in its placement, is poor, based only on the criteria that other facial piercings are on an edge, I can only assume that you can’t comfortably put a hoop into the middle of your cheek. I know its purpose was supposed to imitate the beauty mark that Marilyn Monroe possessed, and yes, I understand why that appeals to people. Having a natural “imperfection” on a “perfect” face, because there is just as much beauty in our “flaws” as there is on our fine points. But I think one point of that is it is a natural “imperfection”. (Quotation marks were used to show that even though I used those words I don’t necessarily agree with them.)

Now I will admit, I actually can’t think of anything bad to say about belly button piercings. I mean they’re not my kind of thing, but like the common non-stretching lobe piercings they don’t bother me all that much.

And finally the stupidest (and this time I do mean stupid) of all piercings. The piercings into the tightly packed nerve clusters, aka genital and nipple piercings. I know what people will argue to support these piercings. “They intensify pleasure,” or simply said “They make sex better.” Now I won’t say that they’re wrong on that fact, because I just don’t know. But I do know how uncomfortable it can be to get my underwear caught up or bunched up down there, and that clothing is meant to be there. I could only imagine adding a metal rod into the equation. On top of that if mouth/lip piercings make things more awkward or difficult, I’d guess that genital piercings would only be worse.

Post Script: This originally was on both piercings and tattoos, but I decided to break them up into two separate parts. That I want to post one right after another, which probably means I should write the one on tattoos. I should also be clear that I don’t judge you on whatever choices you make with your body.