the spot

Glacial Ways

2013-02-15T23:24:00.002-05:00

my my, it's been quite the while since i've updated this thing. for a long time i've been running a lot of fear programs, that haven't been helping me. i'm ashamed of my past, because i sunk in consciousness. it's my rampant spiritual ego. the one that wants to portray myself as an altruistic being, always. the thing is, that those kinds of things can't be forced, and to do so, would take away from the legitimacy of one's being-ness. i can be well-versed in metaphysics, until cows jump over the moon, but if there is no genuine work to back up one's words, the words themselves are empty vessels. well-intentioned, but empty none-the-less. and other people can pick up on these things. people know when you're bullshitting them. with that said, i must also emphasize that when we're talking about the ego, it's important to not neglect it either. that is another extreme. having a healthy relationship with your ego is essential. it is through our filters, that we show our "selves" off to each other.

i have to forgive myself. i have to forgive my past. i think we're the hardest on ourselves, because when you look at yourself in the mirror, you ask, "is this me? am i living the life that i am proud of?". it comes down to acceptance. the more of yourself that you can accept, is to the degree that you can accept yourself in others. for instance, every day, as of late, on my way to work, there are three homeless people, that i see on the corner, it's a challenge for me to accept this, because i have this idea, that poverty is the utmost cruelty. i've been there, where they are before in my life, and i know that it's no fun. you're at the whim of the kindness of strangers. sometimes people will take a risk, and believe in you, and sometimes not so much. i want to be the kind stranger. i want to be the believer. the risk taker. the courageous. and everyday, when my time to shine comes, those fear programs come up. the excuses. the complaints. so maybe there is something in me that i need to look at. why? how can i proceed with the middle way? is there a middle way? i guess i'll find out by sunday, on my next day to work.

ps - i have a birthday coming up on monday. shhh...

Skip Challenge

2011-06-28T05:49:00.000-04:00

I've made it a personal goal to never press the skip button from now on, especially on first listens. We live in a day and age, where artists don't get the proper recognition, and respect for their work. I'm doing this, because an eclectic taste in music is difficult to achieve without an open mind to new sounds, and experiences. One song in particular blew me away, however without the proper context of the entire album, it might be a bit much just by itself. None-the-less, here's a link to the song on Youtube, the song is called "Good Hold" by Toro y Moi

and here's an interview with said artist...

I want to hear more music like this, music is evolving everyday, and I find it quite peculiar to watch it all unfold...

My Intuition's Got Me This Far...

2011-06-26T05:00:00.000-04:00

"I'm not trying to forget you
I just like to be alone
Come and give me the space I need
And may you may find that we're all right"

'Bros' by Panda Bear

Lately, and by that I mean the past six months, I've been really getting into this completely new world of music. I've been following my intuition for what to listen to, and I'm so glad that I have an internet connection, to help guide my intuition. I've always made the effort to be my own thing, my own dreamer, and be proud of it too. It's come at certain costs, but those that are close, the ones that really care, and have love for me, intuitively understand. As an Aquarius, I have the distinguished pleasure of contradicting myself, making sense, and forgetting anything ever happened in the first place, on a day to day basis.

At the end of this month, I'm moving into an apartment, and I'll finally have my own room. My own place to be proud of, and call home. These next couple days I feel will be challenging, and I'm going to need every weapon in my arsenal, to fend off naysayers, and those will with ill intentions.

Everyone these days seems to have a story. Do you think it's by accident? Do you think that it's coincidence that the pace of everyone's life is picking up? One of the safest things you can do these days is to let your intuition guide you. If you make it your goal to be, or do something higher than yourself, the rest falls into place.

Last summer, I let my intuition guide me, and I was guided to some rather unconventional paths. Paths I never would of reached on my own. Choices I made, that still affect me to this day, in some way or another. A single band, A single album, that's all it took to forever change the way I approach life.

'Congratulations' by MGMT

Intuitively it feels good to explore these new things. There were complete days that would go by, and the only thing that I listened to on repeat, was that album. I let it consume me, and consume me it did. Quickly, I found myself obsessed with the imagery in my head that Congratulations would illicit. It's beautiful, but I was like a half-carnate Freemason, having only knowledge, but not the wisdom to apply it creatively. It got out of hand, and that's what I'm trying to avoid this summer.

I'm experimenting with this new collection of music called chillwave. It's difficult to explain chillwave without simply dropping my cans on your ears, and giving you a listen, but basically Panda Bear is the most prolific of them all, however, I've been listening to other chillwave music too.

There's a certain excitement in watching the process, whatever it is, unfold before my eyes. Molding it at times, and letting her be on other days. Like it's ironic, how I really completely believed that I was at the top of my game, at the pinnacle of my life, this time, one year ago. A year has come and go, and really I'm not the same person I was then, but I can still relate to others going through their own metamorphosis. Makes me wonder where I'll be next year, 2012... physically, emotionally, will I be the same? Something conspires within me to say, no ;)

Many apologies for not keeping good with my word, and updating my blog, the day-to-day grind usually renders me forgetful like that. So please, don't hold your breath till my next blog post, my luck tells me I'll be happy...

An Uncommon Dialogue ;)

2011-05-26T02:54:00.000-04:00

Let me first say that I am absolutely amazed that we live in a day and age where I can update, and write a blog post from phone. Wow! For the past two days, I've been reading a book called 'Conversations with God', and it is absolutely beautiful. I'm on page 38, and everything resonates. It just clicks. The books, (I believe there is more than one, I think there's a whole series) have always been accessible to me, however it hasn't been until this specific moment in my life that I've opened myself to the wisdom on found on every page. I'm choosing to live my life based on the truth, the ultimate truth. Everything I do from now on, will reflect that.

Someday I'm going to be a father, and I'll be granted one of the grandest privledges life has to offer. I'll be responsible for caring for, and nurturing another human to maturity. What I do, how I treat my children, the events and experiences we share together will be the foundation for how they will want to choose, and create their own lives. So it's very important that the time between now and then I make good choices. Choices for my highest good. Choices that a wise father would make.

Today I officially got on the payroll at Chipotle, and did the nitty gritty paperwork. That was no accident either. I started the process roughly three weeks ago when I decided that was where I wanted to grow. I made good choices, I put my 200% on the table, and really made an impression on them. My first official day will be this Friday, and it'll be my time to shine. It will be my chance to prove myself, that I am more than my words.

As we grow, I'd like to share my experiences, and whatever insight I can muster from them. Life is not a private affair, but you already knew that ;)

I am my own hero, and so are you.

with love,

luis miguel rivera

A Softer Inside

2011-05-24T04:07:00.000-04:00

So they say that you are who you surround yourself with mostly, and at first I really didn't want to believe it. Namely because I used to surround myself with "less than reputable" characters, to put it gently. What I noticed is that when I hung out with these people, my life was really chaotic, it was a hot mess. I got myself into situations that weren't for my highest good. Although I've always had the intention of doing good, and what's right, the moment would get to me. I'd make choices, without considering long term implications. I'd tell lies, without considering long term implications. A lot of those seeds I've planted in the past, I've dealt with, in some way shape or form, but every once in a while, I'll be surprised. Someone, something will irk me, in such a way, that feelings come out, and I'm forced to deal with it, then and there.

This is a time to plant good seeds. I think that what I do now, is more important than ever before. The pace of my life is accelerating at such a rate, where it'll be necessary to not have looming burdens in my heart. It will be necessary to have quality friends, in a quality environment, and a higher quality of life.

Today was one of those days, where I didn't wake up expecting this or that, but because I was open to this or that, this or that came. Openness, honesty, a clean conscious, all things that I'm grateful to experience more of, everyday. Ever since I've moved in with Sajan, as a person, I've grown. Anyone who's hung out with Sage, knows how great his vibes are, so imagine living with him, everyday. I'm absorbing just positive vibes all the time. So having Sage around, accessible to me, at anytime, is truly a blessing.

Today, as I was leaving Chipotle (I just got a job there, by the way), was a homeless man. He was a Bradenton local, who was staying at a shelter, and the reason I know this is because, he had these beautiful faux-flowers, that were hand made by volunteers, that he was willing to give in exchange for really any amount of money. Not having any myself, I forwarded him to my friend, so that she could help a fellow out, and when I went back into the car, she scolded me. She scolded me, for wanting to be a decent human, and trying to help someone out. She said "Why did you do that?", "He's just going to spend it on [fill in the blank - I wasn't listening at that point]", and I told her that it didn't matter what he spent it on. What matters is that you had the opportunity to be compassionate. Empathy is a unique trait, that very few other life on the planet, share with us humans.

As a global community, we should do more to help one another out. It begins with you, and I. If we don't learn this soon, my fear is that because of greed, a lot of people will have unnecessarily painful lives. Lives that are so caught up in fear (in it's many forms), they'd be willing to sacrifice the very things that make us human. Dignity being one of the firsts.

If you see someone, if you know of someone, if you're in a position to help them out, doesn't matter if you can or can't, the effort, the intention, is good enough sometimes. People get hope. People see with new eyes, through the compassion of others. Be grateful of every second, and claim them as yours. Yours to choose, whether or not you have the courage to do what's right.

with love,

luis miguel rivera :)

Why, Hello Again!

2011-05-23T03:05:00.002-04:00

I feel as if I have so much to say, so many tales to tell, just without the obligation or need to do so. Well after a little hiatus, I am back to blogging again. If you followed me before, you'll notice some things changed here and there. First and foremost I retired the luismiguelrivera.com domain, many apologies. All my older posts are still available, and your eyes are more than welcome to them.

I'd like to start off by mentioning that at present, I am now living with a close group of friends, and that I am healthy. Important to mention, because I'm usually in different situations all the time. I'm blogging again, because I feel an inert urge deep within my soul to keep on writing and publishing, like I used to back in the day. "Things" happen all the time, and there are days that I'd like to just look back, and kind of reflect on the perspectives of my own past, so that I can continually better my present.

Anyways this isn't supposed to be a long post, or anything, just wanted to throw out there, that I am blogging again. So you should expect to see more of my posts, more frequently and stuff. With that said, since it has been a while since I've written something, I'd like to forward you to an older post that I made. When I wrote it, I had someone in mind, however now that I read it with new eyes, this letter I wrote was for anyone I care for.

An Anonymous Letter

I'm at a point where I want to focus on the relationships in my life. I need them to be fluid, and based on humility + compassion. I noticed that for a while, I was slipping toward the cynical end of things. I'd see the world with eyes of fear, confusion, and judgement. Well I'd like to see clearly now, and be able to truly admit anything to anyone, without the fear that I'll be harshly judged. My focus will be in quality. Quality relationships that will take me to the next level, and beyond.

I won't compromise my sense of morality, for quick gain. With quick gain, comes lots of pain. It may not start off that way, but you'll learn your lesson, whatever it may be, eventually. And with a declaration as bold as that, I'll be tested, surely. I won't get it right all the time, but the effort to do what's right takes courage, and I know that whatever I do, I try my best.

Please forgive my wandering hands...

with love

luis miguel rivera :)

Going Incognito

2010-11-25T16:13:00.002-05:00

I'm dissolving into obscurity, many of my friends won't hear from me for a long time. This is something I need to do. I'm also dropping the http://luismiguelrivera.com/ domain name, so come the 24th of December (possibly sooner), this blog goes back to the http://luismiguelrivera.blogspot.com/ domain. I've deactivated my facebook, and I'll have a new cell phone number soon. So I've made it particularly cumbersome to get a hold of me. Of course if its an emergency and you really need to get a hold of me my email is luismiguelrivera@inbox.com but please do not use it to update me with trivial updates about your life, its for emergencies only. So this is goodbye. Partially written by Amanda Reedy. Goodnight.

What is Love?

2010-10-12T22:29:00.019-04:00

As with any question, the answer varies. Love means different things for different people. People aren't stable themselves either. Who you are depends on when you ask the question. I think you can apply that same concept, when it comes to love. What love means to you, depends when you ask the question. The really old couple that's been married for many years, is going to have a different answer to "What is Love?", than say newlyweds, or even my sister and her boyfriend.

For about a year now, I've dedicated a considerable portion of my energy to this quest. To answer the question "What is Love?". It's the banner on my phone, as a daily reminder. I've asked myself many, many times, in different situations, the same question. Surprisingly, I find the answer to be considerably affected by the mood I'm in, the thoughts that I'm having, recent events, or a combination of said things.

Which to be honest, disturbs me. I went into this, with a fairly clean slate. I made the promise that no matter what, I'd always keep an objective view, that I wouldn't get too involved in any one person, or situation. The purpose being, love has the tendency to cloud judgments. Choices are made, irrationally. Feelings get hurt. Etc, etc.

I started this project whilst living in California. Told no one about it. Carried it over to my happenings in Florida, after I moved back. Overall, upon reflection, I'd like to say that I was not successful in my quest to answering the question "What is Love?", or rather instead of saying it wasn't successful, the insight I did get, cannot be simplified to a degree understandable by most. However, I am very proud, and grateful for the things that I HAVE learned.

In writing this post, I asked some close friends of mine for their insight, maybe there's something that I'm overlooking. For the most part, it's been standard one-liner's, and cliche notions concerning the topic, but I guess it's my fault for not being clear enough, in my intention, as for what I'm looking in an answer. However I did come upon some of my old dabblings from around this time last year, it felt like a time machine. I am surprised at myself, like I was in a completely different mind-space, so what I said almost seemed anticipated. Like as if I would read it someday in the future, and it'd be even more revealing in the present, than in the moment, at the time.

Maybe if perhaps I would of not put as much energy into trying to fall in love, trying to find love, whatever it meant to me at the time, I would of been more "successful". Things would of happened more organically. Less planned. Even MORE spontaneous.

For instance, I've been trying to plan out every little tiny aspect of my life, instead of letting them happen and fall into their place, naturally. Going on the Appalachian Trail during the summer, was wonderfully uplifting, as no day was ever planned. Things were done on the whim, as whether or not they felt right, then and there. It's a beautiful way to approach life in general, and even love to some degree. However, it was a bit extreme. (Or maybe it wasn't, and I'm not mature enough to truly appreciate it) In going, and coming back so soon, I became careless, and destructive to some degree. All fated things happen, and my dabblings with lust are a testament to that.

Those were the times when I had the greatest breakthroughs. When ideals, and morals were put into question, for the opportunity at hand. Would I follow through? Would I not? What happens next? The mind is a beautiful thing, it can teach you, and reprogram you. Untamed, however, and it can teach you the fairytale, that is to hurt.

Which begs to answer the question, Have I given up on love? Almost.

I almost gave up on being able to feel an inkling ever again. Then I remembered, this is what I signed up for. This is part of the human experience. To feel pain. To feel, really. No one is to blame for my ambition, and my indecisiveness, but me.

Sex, here is something very tangible. It's within your grip. Is that love? Yes, and no. Yes, in that the experience, is for the most part usually mutual, and that their is a greater potential to share something significant with someone else. And then No, in that there are more element to love, and a relationship than physical attraction, and what I call "a perfect lust". Love can be tangible, and be seen everywhere. That is everywhere you WANT to see love. A newborn child, the ultimate vessel of love I know, under certain eyes (maybe of sadness, or even anger), can be this ugly thing, and it can also be the most beautiful thing one can lay eyes on.

For me love has become something rather ineffable. I've been able to experience the emotions, and feelings one does whilst in that state of euphoria, that one feels while in love, by simply listening to music. Tear for tear, and giddiness for giddiness, I know both sides. Is THAT love?...

Who knows?

The quest never ends, and this may simply be a bookmark, or a chapter in my life that'll never go away, either way if I had one hope, it'd be that I'll be comfortable enough with my life to feel that even if I never find out what true romantic love is, it won't matter. Because I love myself. And maybe that's what love is.

i love you :)

Magnetic Optimism

2010-10-05T11:29:00.005-04:00

It never fails to amaze me, just how in tune I feel sometimes. I've been avoiding certain thoughts/feeling/emotions, only to find that the seed I planted in my ethereal garden of love, was one of bitterness. It blossomed, into this thorny thing. Less like a cactus, and more like a rose. Even though this thorny thing poked me, and hurt me, it was too beautiful to let go.

Last night, after some rather intense happenings, I let the idea that love hurts, go. I uprooted that thorny bitter thing, I thanked it for it's purpose, and role in my life; and in it's place, I planted something beautiful. Love heals.

Stay in School, and Stay Focused

2010-10-02T14:21:00.006-04:00

from the heart of David Liebe Heart himself...

The answer was in front of me the whole time, the only thing getting in the way was ME. I had all these excuses, and they were for nothing. If you must know, I'll be starting school next month, over at Sarasota Tech. There is a Video Production course that opens up NEXT year, so in the meantime, I'm going to take a Multimedia course. Broaden my skills a bit. So yeah. I don't even really know why I waited all this time to make this decision. But I think it was kind of fated. Like if I still worked for Toyota, I don't think I'd have the motivation to quit, and go back to school.

Now, I'm just working on my next hurdle of getting a job...

PS - If you haven't noticed I tweaked the look and feel of the blog a little bit, in addition I put in a new commenting system, powered by Disqus. So it's that much easier to leave your love these days :)

All a Dreamer Ever Does...

2010-09-28T18:35:00.007-04:00

...is dream.

"Smoking can kill you, and if you've been killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields

Many apologies for the redundancies. So wording out last weekend would be the same thing. It's quite silly, because I've been working on this post for like 3 or 4 days now, and I read it, and realized that it had very little to do with me. So I erased it all, and I'm writing this anew.

What a mindfuck :)

Arrogance, and selfishness got the best of me. So, maybe I was better off a dreamer. I can be me. Dreaming is not dead, it's been forgotten. What's best for me is to remain neutral, and balance these worlds equally. I'm not going to lie though, I favor the former. To dream is to see. To dream is to be.

Pizza Dreams, Part Deux

2010-09-22T21:57:00.004-04:00

Last night, I'd say was a success. Of course, I don't remember fully what I dreamed, but I do remember that I did. So I'll share, as much as I can.

NOTE: This won't be accurate, and it's not supposed to be. This is how I interpreted last night.

So the way that my dreams usually stem is from a thought. Mentally, what I like to do to help me fall asleep faster is narrate my thoughts, till a vision comes, and that's usually when the dream starts, and I lose track of certain memories. So last night, I have an MGMT cd playing softly in the background, and the thoughts "Wonder what the concert will be like?", "Wonder if they feel as strongly as I do toward them?", "How am I going to get there?", "Hope I get a job", "I need to hook the printer up so I can print these applications out", "Can't wait till I get my car back", "I want to see Adam for his birthday", the image of a bonfire at the Melcher household, is in the background of my thoughts, and serves as what eventually became the rest of my dreams.

I probably should have turned my phone off, because I was interrupted a few times, but for the most part I was able to keep focus on my dream. Plus, the incoming information helped bring renewed life to my mental landscape.

I vaguely remember one dream. Mostly delusions of grandeur, but I was a successful producer/director. In fact I was the first to revolutionize the industry by releasing my films exclusively via the internet for free, and was able to maintain a sustainable business model doing so. I wasn't crazy rich, but I could afford to start new projects if needed, and my family had a decent means of living. There was one video, about "crustacean news-anchors" that caught on, and skyrocketed my popularity on Youtube.

I never had the idea, till I seen it in my dreams. (I guess kinda like how James Cameron, had the idea for AVATAR) So when I get to a point where I can make that video, I will :) I can see it being very funny, and making me known around certain internet circles :)

There were many, but not that stood out. The good news is, I'll be consciously involved with my dreams tonight as well. This'll probably be my last post on the matter, unless of course something amazing happens tonight, but I like exploring this part of myself. I enjoy it, more than most people probably should.

The night is young, I'll be on my merry way.

goodnight, and good luck.

ps- if you'd like a link to the song at the top of this post, shoot me an email or a comment or something :)

Pizza Dreams

2010-09-21T23:22:00.004-04:00

Tonight will be an interesting night, I have plans to consciously be apart of my dreams. I've actually already been kinda doing it, I wanna say these past two or three nights, but tonight is different, in that I'll be paying attention. More player, than participant.

I've tried this before, and there are some drawbacks. For starters, no notetaking. I mean there is, but my memory isn't that great. Like I remember feelings, more than anything. It's very seldom that I remember events, unless they are very strong.

I used to have to worry about being interrupted, but not tonight. Peeps know better to not mess with me, these days. This was a problem, because they'd wake me, and I'd get scared, or even worse, I'd be afraid of being woken, that I'd rush whatever it was that I was doing, and not really enjoy it as much as I should have.

Then another problem I guess is that at times, I'd have "horny dreams". But I have enough self control to resist the allure that they do offer. Plus I've had like a million of'm, I'm sooooo over'm :)

I want to keep a dream journal, but not here. I have posted my dreams on more than one occasion here, but I dunno. They may be too revealing, for even myself.

There are parts of me, I still have to discover. Parts of me, I'll never admit to. If I'm going to take something to the grave, I at least would like to know what it is. Maybe I'll never find out (in this life at least). I wonder what I have to offer myself. Do I even have anything to offer?

I have much dreaming to do.

goodnight, and good luck out there.

with love, luis miguel rivera.

Unscathed... For The Most Part

2010-09-19T23:05:00.003-04:00

So it's been a couple days now, and the cut on my face is healing up. Today is actually the first day that I didn't leave the bandage on. It still looks like shit, but I don't know, I think the scar adds to my personality. I've been hurt, and now the whole world can see it on my face.

One sec, let me take a video, and extract a still to put up here. This should take one second. Hold on.

Ok, so it doesn't look so bad, but my cheek bone hurt like a mother fucking biotch. (pardon my french) I have to go to sleep early tonight, because tomorrow I'll be dropping of an application of at Tijuana Flats, for a job as a cashier. Boss man told me to drop it off between 2 and 4, so I don't want to be asleep then.

Man, this insomnia reminds me of the days when I first got back from Cali, and I had difficulty telling the difference between my waking moments, and when I was in fact dreaming. The nostalgia is coming back, and it's no bueno.

It's like I've seen it all before, and my life is that predictable. I'll stick a fork in my horoscope, and that's just what I'll do. Hope I don't get lost :)

good luck, and good night

Hurting Yourself... Well Hurts!

2010-09-17T00:02:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, I was helping mother with some yardwork, cutting some trees that in her eyes were unsightly, and my cousin Kevin and I were doing quite well, till it was my turn again, and it was one of the last two trees. I was whacking away, and this particular one was a bit drier than the other one's I had already hacked away at. Long-story-short, I hit it, the machete ricocheted back at my face, and got me on the right side of my jaw bone, near the eye. Lucky for me, it was the dull end, and not the sharp side, otherwise I'd be in a hospital, undergoing surgery. I'm not going to lie though, this shit hurts like a bitch. The area around it, feels fractured, but nothing serious enough to merit medical attention, at least yet. Anyways, here's a video that was taken before, and another one that was taken after. (If I would of gotten one of the accident, I'd be a Youtube demigod overnight, just sayin')

and of course:

So please guys, be careful :)

goodnight :)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

2010-09-15T02:45:00.008-04:00

I was watching The Rotten Tomatoes Show, which is where I get a lot of movie recommendations from, and Russel Brand [Get Him To The Greek; Forgetting Sarah Marshall] did a little bit where he gave his 5 favorite films, and one of them happen to be this little gem that I recently watched.

It's from 1975, and it's called "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". It won all kinds of awards, and honors, and what have you, but I personally found the movie a very good watch. I really hope that someday, they remake this movie, to expose this movie to a newer generation. Jack Nicholson just really nails this one, and I'm so glad he played the part.

[Spoiler: I'm about to summarize the plot.]

Jack Nicholson plays the part of McMurphy. McMurphy is in a mental institution, because he needs to be "evaluated", to see whether or not he's really mentally ill or just faking it, otherwise back to the slammer. Throughout the movie he rallies the support of the others, and these guys actually make real progress. It's later determined that he isn't so much crazy, as a threat, but they keep him there anyway as sort of a punishment. Things really get interesting when attempts are made to escape.

I don't want to give away too much, but it's definitely worth your time, and you should go rent it if you can. Or however you watch your movies :) It's out on Blu-Ray and DVD, so quit reading this, and GO!

Here are some stills:

good luck, and good night :)

with love, luis miguel rivera

Another Ode To Victoria Justice (VIDEO)

2010-09-13T01:01:00.000-04:00

Courage and Soul

2010-09-11T00:46:00.007-04:00

This morning I had a very bizarre dream, I was lucid. It stook out to me, and I've been running it over and over in my head. I don't know what it means, but maybe if I share it, it'll come to me. The dream, as best I can remember it, is as follows:

My location, it's a wartime setting. Bombs, and guns are going off all around me. In the distance, I can see a little girl. She looks very familiar, almost like family. Guessing by her height I'd say she was no more than eight. I look up, and everything went in slow motion. There was a grenade or something that was flying over my head, and towards the girl. She was maybe fifteen feet from me, and I knew I wasn't going to get to her in time. All of a sudden there was a really bright flash. Silence all around me. The shock knocks me off my feet, and I find myself laying parallel to her on the ground, facing one another. She didn't have to say a word, I could tell by her bleached eyes that she had been blinded by the flash. I keep her in my embrace, and hold her tightly. Like she was the most important thing to me. The dreams ends with a feeling that everything was going to be ok, she looked me in the eyes, and I cried.

When I woke, it was the strangest feeling, because it felt so real to me. I remember my eyes were watery, as if I had been crying myself. I wasn't awake for long, though. I quickly went back to sleep, and had another dream, that I don't remember. Nonetheless, I spent my morning pondering about the girl in my dream. I felt really attached to her. Even though I didn't recognize her at all.

The girl from my dream looked similar to how Dakota Fanning looks in this picture.

I don't usually journal my dreams, or study them; mostly because I don't remember them, but this one felt so strong to me, that I felt like sharing it. If anyone reading this happens to be a dream therapist, or knows one, please get at me.

pleasant dreams all, goodnight :)

who knows, maybe you'll be in my dreams?

Igniting Internal Miracles

2010-09-08T12:11:00.001-04:00

I got this in an email newsletter, sent to me today, I just find it crazy how this relates to me exactly in this moment. Have a look:

Any miracle in the material world must be preceded by a miraculous change in your own character. Physical reality and human nature are intimately connected. When you create an extraordinary transformation within, the power allows the universe to externally express this inner change.

Today, free yourself from tiny bits of selfishness, envy, anger and self-pity. By rejecting these negative temptations, you will be free to ignite the power of miracles.

Ramblings: I

2010-09-07T23:13:00.003-04:00

yeah, it's fine if you guys go ahead and smoke right before the mgmt convert but. i've heard their songs before high, and not high. i prefer listening to them high, because their effect is much better, but i wouldn't want my first live experience with them to be under an influence. even though i know that they'll be high probably. the only universe i'd smoke in, would be if for some odd reason, it was andrew vanwyngarden himself passing me the joint. there's a time and a place for everything, and i think then would be appropriate.

i'm rambling on, and just really letting whatever comes to me right now, i'm in a trance right now. i want to practice a lighthearted, positive thinking session. what about me do i like? i was asked this one time, and i avoided the question. namely because i was inexperienced, and could give the answer that person wanted. but now, if you were to ask me now, what do i like about myself? i like the choices that i'm starting to take. i like the direction my life is going in. i like, that i'm likable. most people find me annoying or bizarre, or out of this world, when they first meet me, but i'm just you. i'm you, in another skin blanket. that's all.

Who is in control of your thoughts?
I'll tell you that I'm in control of my thoughts, even though sajan, will disagree. I appreciate the manner in which thoughts come and go as they please. It's like my brain has a "for rent" sign on it, and the 'good' thoughts, the ones that can afford rent, i keep.

Who is in control of your feelings?
This may surprise people, because I come off as insensitive at times, like I don't care. The truth of the matter is that I am extremely sensitive to other peoples feelings, and general moods. Like I FEEL, a lot stronger (with more passion), and am more sensitive to feeling, than what most people think. ps - i've cried during films :)

ok, and that was twenty minutes.

---------------------------------
NOTE: I wrote this during a twenty-minute light relaxation, "super learning", positive thinking session. During which listened to alpha waves 8 - 12 Hz, and nothing has been edited (i.e. there may be grammatical errors, etc.)

Metanoia

2010-09-07T21:30:00.004-04:00

These past couple weeks since I've been back, have been a real eye opener for me. I've done things, that I'm not necessarily proud of, and now I'm paying the consequences. Where my life is headed, is toward true genuine goodness, and wholeheartedness. Recently I made a promise to myself, that I'm making public now, I suppose. I'm not going to smoke weed anymore, or really do anything that would affect my ability to make a conscious choice. There's a time, and place for delving into vices, but just doing them without awareness, is a very dangerous thing; at least for me, I'm not myself. I turn into a monster of sorts. I forget who I AM. I'm tired of living in the "parallel synchronized randomness" universe, and am choosing to live a life that I'm proud of, one that isn't dictated by the falling out of random events, but of my own conscious choices. I know that wherever I go, and whatever I do, I'll be supported, so with that understanding, I might as well go after what I'm passionate about.

I don't have a job anymore, so I have lots of free time. Time to research, watch films, listen to music, help around the house, exercise, work on my self-image, and really just be myself for a while. Like my happiness for instance, is something that I value more than anything, and lately I've been kinda sad. I'm going to work on being more lighthearted.

The title of this post "Metanoia" was mentioned to me by father this morning, and it struck a chord with me. Not only because it's the title of one of my favorite MGMT songs, but because he gave me the definition, and it's "a transformative change of heart". It was rather peculiar, because I had a change of heart a couple days ago, and here my father was, mentioning it to me. That was probably one of the clearest signs, I've ever had.

"But damn my luck and damn these friends
That keep on combing back their smiles
I save my grace with half-assed guilt
And lay down the quilt upon the lawn
Spread my arms and soak up congratulations."
- Congratulations by MGMT

Tomorrow is another day, good luck out there.

with love, luis miguel rivera

Hot Tottie

2010-08-31T23:01:00.006-04:00

Well The Appalachian trail saga, ended prematurely, but all is not lost. I've learned, and am still learning. All fated things happen, rather by choice or chance matters not. All fated things happen.

I'm getting back into a rhythm again, so you guys should see a lot more blog posts.

love you

As Strange As It Seems...

2010-07-28T20:17:00.006-04:00

...I'd rather dissolve than have you ignore me.

Earlier in the month I was going to do a "Bookmark" post. You know, like the one that I did before attending Qi Revolution. Well the pace at which events have been unfolding, is so fast, it's already old and common knowledge by the time I write them here. So I halted work on a "Bookmark" post, and have started this new one.

I've been getting many questions about my trip, and I have to give half-assed answers, because the truth is, I don't know. Any great thinker, can have that as a base principle, and it'll be no truer, in the end, when all has been thunk. Information is progressive, and evolves and develops with time.

By the time I'm done with this hike, maybe I'll have answers. But the more common reality, and hope is, that I'll have even more questions. Questions that'll push me even deeper. Ideas that'll push me deeper. I can't lie, and tell you that I'm starting this trip with a clean slate. In both a metaphorical, and perhaps literal sense, I haven't done my chores. I still have secrets to decode, and books to read.

Tomorrow is my last full day in the "Real World", whatever that means anymore. Lots of energy to be passed around. I have many rounds to make, farewells, and too-da-loo's to unscrew, before I get this wheel a turnin'.

Damn, I can't concentrate, it's this song. I'm in lust.

Oh well. This thought wasn't meant to be fully thunk.

By the way, I got a tattoo:

Flash Delirium!

For sure, my next post will be along the Appalachian trail.

in love, and light

Luis Miguel Rivera

Ein Liehespaar: How To Make Love w/out Touching

2010-07-13T18:51:00.009-04:00

Man, this past month, and especially these past couple days I've just been on other planets. I guess that's to be expected, as I'm nearing my life changing hike. By the way, I don't think I've mentioned it yet on my blog, but my by best friend Sajan Melcher, and I will be hiking The Appalachian trail, all the way up to Maine, beginning on the 30th of this month. I've already put in my two-week notice, at work, and am trying my hardest to hook Devin up with my soon-to-be old job.

Hopefully, I'll find a way to upload videos, and post pictures up, as we do new things, and meet new people.

Em, other than a catchy title, I don't really have a purpose for this post. So what I'm going to do, is channel my thoughts, and write them here as they come to me. Prepare yourself, a new dawn is rising, somewhere, everywhere, forever and ever, Amen.

Hmm, the brain - antennae of the mind. Think of all the physical frequencies that are measurable, today. You've got frequencies for television, radio, wireless internet, blue tooth, cell phone towers, gamma rays, etc; and then now think of all the other higher-spiritual-frequencies that we can't measure just yet, at least with physical instruments; but that your mind, body, and soul are definitely picking up on, and even transmitting sometimes, the strongest, or at least most common frequency being love.

This force that is love, is responsible for every single person, that has ever lived and died on Carl Sagan's Blue Dot (a.k.a - Earth); there was a consciousness that put you right here, at this time, reading these words. Then, if love put you here, what are you doing, to honor that love? i.e. -

Another day, has passed. I'm on my lunch break, and this is what I was writing at work.

Sleepless, yet restless I remain,
for in you
I have new domain.

Beauty is
i, you, we, me, us

creation, destruction
molecular reconstruction
of the shiny hibiscus

For what is Love?
I don't know, but beauty still remains
i, you, we, me, us.

Again I ask,
What is Love?

Confusion, obtrusion
silver sinner, and lust
highs, and lows
blue moons, and newfound woes

Love has got to be a rhythm
ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

Five beats, not four,
another more will overscore,
another less, underperforms

For Love is Five.

Mutations of newfolk, even spore
make most five-fingered gnomes
too happy, and giddy for
low test scores.

Apples, and Oranges
Diamonds, and Dust
I am You, You are I
We are One,
One is everything
i, you, we, me, us

The squinters, are wincers,
loving winter, for us;
the glarers, we stare, and perform
acts of lust:
And what is lust,
in the world where
to reason is treason,
and lying is a must?

You're going ahead,
but not really;
don't lose focus
for beauty can also be lust,

I love you,
you love me,
even breifly,
i, you, we, me, us
and where do I go,
to lend counsel & trust?;
to the convicted felons
of leisure & lust.

For...
Lust is a must,
and can be trust,
even in the world
of reason and treason;

For lust is a no-numbher,
much unlike love.

Quint, Cinco, Five
lust is alive.

The limitation is
the beholder, accept
no imitation.

Five is the season,
and the season's
almost over.

Four-leaf clovers,
and pixie dust
aren't necessary
for five.

Cinco isn't lust,
but it's most definitely
a part.

Part lies, parts seasons,
part ways, for different
reasons.

Children, and lesions
may be some reasons
to leave for a season,

Always coming back to
that time, when it
simply just was,

A perfect lust,
maybe, perhaps;
i, you, we, me us.

So yeah, I wrote that this morning at work, whilst I was riding off of the vibes from the night (if I can call it that) prior.

I feel like everything's a blur, almost like my life isn't real. My body is going through these motions, but where's my soul? Am I really tuning in to something higher? Or am I just higher?

I'm in some pain. The simple act of walking, is such a disorienting, and unfamiliar experience. I think I've pushed myself a bit much this time, and just need to recover.

I salute the God within you. Namaste :)

Fire In Your Hole

2010-06-25T19:30:00.002-04:00

Here, courtesy of Nick Montes from NickMontes.com is mineself attempting the "Fire In Ur Hole" Challenge @ Munchies: 420, in Sarasota, FL

I guess the good stuff starts around 1:50 into the video.