shiny white page

Now Taking Questions...

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:37:00 +0000

Dear Shiny White, Earlier this year, my wife left me for an investment banker because she wanted to enjoy the finer things in life before she got too old—like sunning on the roof deck of a condo in the heart of midtown or eating raw lobster out of its shell. I think she may have enjoyed some months of that kind of living before the economy burst and the harsh truth set in that she was back to square one. The way I see it, she may as well have rode it out with me since I at least know where the good, cheap groceries are (and it’s not at Gristedes). The new Mr. probably isn’t as attractive...

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There’s No Place Like Home . . . But Where Exactly Is That?

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:35:00 +0000

Returning home, to the house you grew up in, isn’t so easy if you've been raised in New York City, where families tend to pack up and move apartments more often than suburbanites trade in their cars. Take me for example: four homes before college and then another four over the following decade. That makes eight humble abodes, eight life shifts, eight bathrooms. The homes I grew up in during my formative coming-of-age years are long gone, so I can’t say I know what it’s like to return to your old bedroom and sleep in the same bed where you once fantasized about George Michael (because back...

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In the Morning, In the Evening, Ain’t We Got Fun!

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 02:52:00 +0000

This past Labor Day weekend, I took a trip that I’ve always expected to take forty or fifty years from now when my need to be near a restroom and an immediate food source outweighs my desire to navigate a foreign city from dawn till dusk. I went on a cruise. It’s the kind of vacation reserved for the inactive, those whose idea of an adventure is walking to the back of a ship for dinner while it’s swaying. Or for parents who want freedom from their children in the form of a sixteen-hour camp locked inside a monitored environment. I’ve never been charmed by the idea of being trapped without a...

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A Few Thoughts Of Olympic Magnitude As The Games Come To A Close

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 03:14:00 +0000

Five Questionable Olympic “Sports” 1. Synchronized Swimming (made into an Olympic sport in 1984) I have complete appreciation for those that can hold their breath underwater for what looks like minutes and kick their legs around like water nymph Rockettes, but let’s call the event as it is . . . water ballet. I mean, Esther Williams was "water balleting" for Hollywood films and it wasn’t a sport then. And why do only women compete? Isn’t that discrimination . . . men can’t dance? 2. Trampoline (1999) I have to say, the first time I saw this I was instantly filled with childhood zeal. It’s a...

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I’ll Take That Dress In An Age 31, Please

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 01:56:00 +0000

I was out looking for a baby gift the other day and was reminded of how easy and stress-free clothing shopping is for those little ones. If only all of us could pick out our clothes by age. 0-3 months? Turning 27? Yup, that should fit. I don’t think we’re nostalgic enough for those early months where size, weight, and height didn’t matter much at all. We weren’t in competition with each other as to who filled out their t-shirt best or could snuggle into those skin-tight jeans. We were being defined by age rather than size. I’m sure if we had the skills to speak back then, we would have...

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A Short Letter To A Kid I Don’t Know

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 02:44:00 +0000

Dear fourteen-year-old kid, I’m sorry you tried to steal my iPhone. Even more so, sorry you even felt the need to steal it in the first place—whether it be for cash, the confidence it might bring you in high school, or the satisfaction of your friends initiating you into the “it” crowd. I’m sorry for you that I have such good reflexes and I caught my phone in mid-air before you could grab it off the street. I’m sorry you think it’s okay to smack phones from people’s hands. I’m sorry you missed that lesson on not stealing (you were probably out stealing). I’m sorry for your parents having to...

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Apple Genius Bar + Netflix + Healthcare = Hello Health

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 02:55:00 +0000

Stuffy head? Rash that just won’t go away? Can’t get up for work on time? If you’re without health insurance, an interesting alternative to clinics has arrived under the wing of Dr. Jay Parkinson and his budding franchise called Hello Health. Parkinson is trying to revolutionize healthcare one diagnosis at a time by offering doctor services not only in-office and out-of-office but over IM, text, email, or video chat. It seems the doctors at Hello Health will be using an interface similar to the Facebook software platform that allows for members to log on, describe their nagging aches and...

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SHHH, Keep It Down If You’re Going to Drink That Beer In Here!

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 03:22:00 +0000

Bars are loud. Bars have rowdy drunk folks. Bars play music so that you feel it vibrating in your knees. Bars sometimes smell like mildew. Bars are slick with spilled drinks. I don’t think my fifteen years of drinking have led me astray. I think I know my bars. But in all my years hailing bartenders, I’ve never been shushed by one of them before. Yup, shushed as in “Shhhhhh, keep it down!” Bar? Library? Dear God, where I am? Is this a bad dream? I’ve certainly been ignored by bartenders . . . cut off, hit on, cursed at—but never shushed. If you don’t believe me, dear reader, walk your...

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Entomophobia is Alive and Well in NYC

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:32:00 +0000

Heat and humidity breed more than just unruly hair and testy tempers. They somehow manage to breed water bug infestations as well. Every summer, I see those nasty city-crabs scurrying across subway platforms and sidewalks, and, more often than not, I see them splattered on concrete. Either way, I instantly get that feeling of disgust that makes me want to wash my hands. My reaction, in large part, is due to an overdramatic fear of insects. Ants, wasps, flies or silverfish, no matter the size, they send me into infantile shrieks worthy of a three-year-old. There’s something about them—those...

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Iceland, Greece, Romania, Peru = WHAT ARE COUNTRIES I’D LIKE TO VISIT IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:35:00 +0000

I’m in a high-five state whenever a small independent bookstore with fearless attitude OPENS instead of CLOSES. Idlewild Books has moved into a cozy, mezzanine-level space located just west of Union Square, where they house a plethora of travel titles and world literature. Before you decide to fly off to some far-flung destination, why not grab a few books from local authors along with your trusty guidebook to get a more well-rounded taste of the culture. The best part about this new travel sanctuary is that you don't have to use four different escalators to find your language books, maps,...

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The Small (and I Mean Small) Joys In Life

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 01:47:00 +0000

On the way out of dinner, a friend and I stopped into Petco to pick up a temporary dog tag ID for her beagle. The rumor was Petco had a machine that would engrave the information on the spot. For some reason, it was just something I had to see. My first thought was, Chisel, hammer, and metal while we kill time fun-browsing the guinea pig carrier bags, the doggie chew toys, the tropical fish (there’s never a shortage of entertainment at a pet store, especially when the pets are allowed to patron as well). But instead of finding an engraving counter at the back of the store with a dusty old man...

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Men versus Shoes

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:46:00 +0000

Hang on. Before you go any further I have to warn you, my dedicated male readers, that you might want to skip this post. Otherwise you may decide to boycott me, throw eggs at my living room window (yes, you can reach . . . it’s only a three floor walk-up—maybe I shouldn’t tell you that), send me dead rodents in the mail, or just hang your head in disbelief with the female race. Because here’s what I have to say on behalf of my ladies: It’s easier to find a good pair of shoes than a good man. Nah, nah, I’m only saying what I’ve heard so don’t go shooting the messenger. I know, it’s hard to...

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When Photo Met Word

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:21:00 +0000

In my past life, in my last decade, I worked with photographs rather than words, as a Photo Editor. I started out learning that there was a visual language in images and a story being told in each photograph that when combined with others, created something akin to a visual novel. We look for clues in the faces, the subtle arches of brows, the scars or wrinkles that press into the skin, the upward or downward turn of lips. Or the way the light hits a wall at night, the objects scattered on a table, the slip of a bra strap from beneath a dress, the way one hand touches another. Stories are...

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Passport Photos-R-Us

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:11:00 +0000

My passport expires next month and I’ve put off having to get a new photo until the very last minute. I like my existing one—I look younger, I look a little hungover (because I was), I’m wearing a god-awful leopard print shirt that I thankfully don’t own anymore . . . I look like I walked in off the street with an interesting story. I even remember exactly where I took the photo—77th and Lexington on the way to the #6 downtown, pre-dinner with my German uncle. It was one of those one-hour photo developing stores, the kind we don’t really have around anymore. The guy working there lead me to a...

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New York City Wildlife . . . No Need For Binoculars, It's a Veritable Petting Zoo

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 03:38:00 +0000

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Suitcases of Books

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:34:00 +0000

I loved, loved Luc Sante’s article in The Wall Street Journal a couple weeks ago. It will speak to any lover of books—rare collectors, hoarders, and addicts alike. Sante talks of trimming down his collection and why he’s drawn to certain books in the first place, from firsthand accounts of vaudeville to Elizabethan prose writers. He also gives us his take on the overly feared electronic readers and why he’s not quaking in his shoes. “I remember a cartoon I saw as a child in which the books jumped off the shelves and had themselves a party in the bookstore in the middle of the night.”—Luc...

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There is Still Sex in the City

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:49:00 +0000

Sure they may have more wrinkles than when we last left them a few years ago, an even more ridiculously fabulous wardrobe, a few more kids in the wings, and thicker battle scars from lessons learned (or not learned), but our ladies from "Sex & the City" still inhabit the world of New York City, circa 199_. At least that hasn’t changed. While our earth is suffering from violent weather and its citizens are dealing with the ramifications of war, food shortages, gas hikes, and an impending recession, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda are still living on Fantasy Avenue where penthouse...

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The Turning of Ideas

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 01:09:00 +0000

Haruki Murakami thought to open a jazz club in Tokyo, and he did. His friends didn’t think he could run a business, but he proved them wrong. He then thought to move the jazz club closer to the center of Tokyo in a larger space, and he did. The business held its own. One day, while at a baseball game [Yakult Swallows against the Hiroshima Carp], Murakami had the idea to write a novel. He bought himself a fountain pen and a sheaf of manuscript paper (it was 1978 with no Mac in sight), and set about writing that novel. He won an award. He wrote a second novel and a few short stories on the...

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When a Coat Hanger Had a Darker Use

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:09:00 +0000

“The familiar symbol of illegal abortion is the infamous 'coat hanger' — which may be the symbol, but is in no way a myth. In my years in New York, several women arrived with a hanger still in place. Whoever put it in — perhaps the patient herself — found it trapped in the cervix and could not remove it.”Dr. Waldo L. Fielding, a retired gynecologist in his mid-80s who trained in New York City’s municipal hospitals from 1948-53 and witnessed too many illegal abortion complications, published a powerful remembrance of his experiences before the Roe v. Wade decision in today’s NYT Science...

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Time Warp in the West Village

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Wed, 21 May 2008 03:15:00 +0000

I live on the imaginary border between “Sex & the City” and “Friends,” where there’s a good possibility that Carrie Bradshaw and Chandler Bing might one day stumble into love or at least into bed together. My neighborhood is constantly being invaded by film crews, and with them come the fans paying homage to their celebrity icons. On any given Saturday these streets turn into something of a New York City theme park. When the tour buses pull up on the corner, I feel like I’m walking out onto a soundstage where my local deli is really made out of cheap wood, the trees at the park are just...

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The Guilt-Monk of Cancer

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Sat, 17 May 2008 03:39:00 +0000

My mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and so I’ve been deprived of all right to complain. It’s not that my mother has taken it away from me—she actually often indulges in the delight of drudging up the day’s mishaps with an animated sigh—but rather cancer has guilted me out of the luxury of whining or complaining. It’s as if cancer has programmed me into one of Pavlov’s dogs. As soon as the words of complaint float from my lips, a grey color spreads across my face and a sinking feeling falls into my stomach. You just can’t do that, a little voice from inside springs up. Do...

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I’d Rather Be [insert dull action here] Than Writing

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Tue, 13 May 2008 03:09:00 +0000

How is it possible that the blandest chores suddenly become enjoyable or pressingly urgent when the task of editing your work is suddenly at hand? It’s the most blatant avoidance of sitting down to write and yet those inane home activities take on monumental priority status. Anguish over finding a better word than “inception” OR rename all of your photo albums in iPhoto to begin with the word “my,” as in my friend Egan’s birthday, my night out with the girls, my biking trip to Yosemite. Two hours later . . .Stare at a blank page OR hand wash your delicates because they’ve been sitting in the...

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Olde English in Old New York

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Fri, 09 May 2008 02:51:00 +0000

The new Rogan store opening at the former Bouwerie Lane Theatre was off the hook. Here's what you get after downing a 40 of Olde English. I woke up this morning with a metallic taste in my mouth and a vague memory of inhaling two burgers from Five Guys, cursing to high heaven that they forgot my fries (they were actually doing me a favor). I haven't had a 40 in fifteen years, and my thirty-year old mind has since been hijacked by organic. So the first thing I did after I scraped the fuzz off my tongue was google malt liquor to find out what really is the difference between that and beer....

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Overheard on . . .

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Fri, 09 May 2008 02:31:00 +0000

Overheard on the 6 train 6:20pm. Three-man a cappella ensemble riding the train for money. After a brief tune sung a cappella, followed by a rendition of "smile, it won't mess up your hair," the three-piece band of singers walked through the train aisle, crowded with rush hour commuters, collecting bills and change in a baseball hat. After they reached the end of the aisle and were waiting for the doors to open at the next stop, two of the gentlemen had this exchange: "I love this city." "You do?" "Yeah. You can be down on your luck without a dime and the next thing you know, you have a...

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For All of Youse Thinking of Therapy, May I Present the “Change is Good” Rainy Day Fund

Shinywhiteblog@gmail.com (SWP) — Sat, 03 May 2008 03:25:00 +0000

This is too good, too good: The Savin’ Up For Therapy Tin Bank. I’m not one for product plugs (don’t believe that, I’m lying) and I certainly don’t think we all need therapy (in denial) and there’s nothing wrong with keeping your collection of childhood stuffed animals out on display (Peter Pan syndrome there), but I just had to share this for a giggle. The side text reads: Life is confusing. One minute you understand everything, and the next it feels like it’s all blown apart. In these moments, you may want to talk with someone, or just have them sit there and listen. Of course, it’s...

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