I find it really interesting how themes seem to evolve at times.

Last week was the final day for the February Leading Yourself and Leading Others experience.

On the last day we put all of the skills learned over the previous days into action as we follow Thomas Gordon’s 6 step method to resolve conflict.

The same 6 steps can also be used for process improvement and creative problem solving.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine that the problem to be solved is how to cover the unexpected absence of a team member (they have been rushed to hospital with appendicitis).

The first thing to be aware of, is that most people come up with their own solution and then fight for it.

Jack thinks we should hire a temp to cover the absence.

Mary thinks we should offer overtime to the current staff.

John thinks we should outsource the work to a virtual assistant.

Jack, Mary and John will continue to provide evidence and support for their chosen solution.

This only prolongs the process and can cause arguments and resentment.

The way to resolve this is to keep coming back to the question, “What is the problem to be solved?”

When we focus on the problem to be solved, we find that there are always numerous potential solutions.

Here’s an example. The kids are playing in the TV room and Brian wants to listen to the news. His solution is to send the kids out of the room.

What’s the problem to be solved?

If you said Brian wants to listen to the news, you are correct.

What other possible solutions are there apart from sending the kids out of the room?

Let’s brainstorm. Brian could put headphones on. He could go to another room. He could record the news. He could listen on the computer. You get the idea.

When you ask yourself, “What’s the problem to be solved?” you focus on the problem rather than fighting for your solution.

Here are the 6 steps to help you find a solution:

1. Identify each person’s needs (that’s everyone’s needs in relation to the issue, no judgement, simply listen and understand)
2. Brainstorm possible solutions (do not be tempted to evaluate at this stage, all solutions need to be accepted and recorded)
3. Evaluate the solutions (now it’s time to look at the pros and cons, maybe a suggestion could be modified)
4. Choose a solution (everyone must agree)
5. Implement the solution (decide who does what and when)
6. Review the solution (after implementation, review what worked and what could be improved)

If you have an issue you’d like to run through the 6 steps, I suggest you circulate the process to the team ahead of time. This gives them time to think about their needs and arrive ready to discuss, with the desired outcome that you get to step 4 in the time available.

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I don’t know about you, but I find most people find it difficult to define the word “Integrity”.

According to Integrity and Values founder, Jennifer Elliott, “Integrity is not about whether we are honest or moral, rather it is about can we stay true to what is important to us personally, able to act daily in a way that is a demonstration of our values and attitudes. In other words, Integrity is our capacity to make our values and attitudes evident and present in our relationships with others and ourselves. We have Integrity when our behaviour matches who we say we are.”

As an example, Mark says he is honest and truthful. Most people do. This is your declared value.

You are in integrity if you behave in an honest and truthful way.  You are out of integrity if you say you are honest and truthful and yet tell a white lie, tell a big lie or withhold information.

I started thinking about Integrity over the past few days when a candidate made a promise to complete some profiles overnight.

The next morning, the profiles had not been completed.

I received an sms in the early hours on the following day, explaining that the person had been held up cleaning and moving.

Having moved quite a lot, I understand the pain and stress and inconvenience of cleaning a property and relocating.

Still, I would have preferred for the candidate to have shared what was happening and to be more realistic with when the profile could be completed.

Did he lie? Not really.

Did he make a promise he had no intention of keeping? Probably not.

Did he want to make a good impression? Most likely.

Was he out of integrity? Well, that depends.

It depends on your definition and your values.

Initially I thought he was out of integrity and when I thought about it, I had to disagree with myself.  He had made a promise, he didn’t keep the promise.

That’s not out of integrity.

If he had said “You can rely on me, I always keep my promises” and then did not, now he would be out of integrity because he didn’t behave according to who he said he was.

It’s a very fine distinction.

I’m curious, what is your definition of integrity and is it even important to you? 

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This week our printer packed it in.

We are running the leadership experience so we needed to print handouts etc.

Ross went to Officeworks, armed with a thumb drive and a list of a files.

Ross’ personality type is that of a Driver.

Drivers are interested in the big picture. They aren’t into details. They just want to know what the result is to be achieved. They aren’t interested in small talk.  Let’s just get it done, preferably directing you to get it done.

I was happy for Ross to take on the task because I didn’t have the time.

He left the printing on the table for me to sort.

The black and white copies were perfect. Not so the coloured one.

The coloured copies had a big block of yellow colour running across the centre of the page.

I’ve been working on not being so critical, so I wasn’t sure how to handle this.

“Did you notice the coloured copies”, I asked.

“Yes, they are there”, he replied. “I did them all.”

“Yes, they were there, however they had a big yellow block printed across them.”

“What?”

He went into the room to check.

“Oh!, I had a look”, he said. “I thumbed through them”, demonstrating to me how he thumbed the top left corner of the pages. 

The blocks were in the middle of the page.

I couldn’t help myself, “Attention to Detail” I said.

“Yes”, he admitted.

“Lack of attention to detail costs you. Now you have to go back and do it all over again.”

And he did.

It’s the little things that trip us up.  It’s little things like not taking the extra minute to thoroughly check that can mean hours of rework.

We both laughed.  As a Driver we understand he isn’t into details. It wasn’t really a job a Driver should be doing, so I told him how grateful I was that he did do the job because I have learned over the years,  that the happiest people are those that are the most grateful.

So moral to the story.  Stick to your lanes as much as possible.  Play to your strengths and do work that you are most suited to and be grateful.

You’ll be a lot happier.

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Something I learned from my mentor, Kip McGrath was the difference between employees being unable to do something and unwilling to do something.

This helps immensely when leading and managing your team because it guides the conversations and/or training required.

One of my clients, Mark Kentwell, takes it a little further.

He makes a distinction between being “happy” to do something or “willing” to do something.

I was reminded of this last week, when I was working onsite at a client’s office and I was asked to take a phone enquiry.

“I’m happy to take the call”, I said.

As soon as I heard myself say that, I stopped for a second.

Was I really happy to take the call, or was I just willing?

Truth is, I was willing.

I really didn’t want to take the call because it was interrupting the work I was focussing on.

How often do we say, “I’m happy to <fill in the blank”, when we’d rather not?

Let this week’s thought be an encouragement to you to speak your truth.

Be assertive.

If you’re willing, say you’re willing.

If you’re happy, say you’re happy.

Let’s not confuse the two.

Happy or willing? Write back and let me know what you find.

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Ross and I were having a conversation and discussing passive aggressive behaviours.

You know the ones; the sarcasm, the “it’s meant to be funny, but it’s really not”.

Without any prompting, Ross admitted, “I know I’m Like That – I can be passive aggressive”.

I smiled. Having been married to him for 36 years, I too know that he can be like that.

Being aware of it, doesn’t mean you’re going to do anything about it.

In fact, the 3 most dangerous words anyone can say are, “That’s Just Me”.

Why?

Because they are making no apology for the way they are and it usually comes when they realise or someone points out that they could behave differently.

You might be agreeing with the statement “That’s Just Me” and quite happy to continue to behave in your ways and that’s ok if those ways are positive toward yourself and others.

It becomes a problem when “I Know I’m Like That” and “That’s Just Me” is used as excuse not to change.

If you think about it, are you being stubborn? Are you making a statement?

Receiving feedback is not always comfortable, however I encourage you, the next time you receive some feedback on how you could change your behaviour, please don’t resist. Take on the feedback, if you want to grow and develop and enjoy even better relationships.

We all have a choice.

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Imagine this. It is made up, by the way.

You’ve just received an unexpected phone call from a supplier and they launch into a tirade about how you haven’t paid your last three invoices.

You know you have.

They are questioning your integrity.

You have a policy of paying suppliers on time.

You start to explain. They cut you off and talk over the top of you.

They are not listening.

They are accusing you of trying to rip them off.

They start yelling at you and abusing you, calling you all sorts of names. (Very unprofessional.)

You reach the point where you’re about to lose it.

And then you remember the Weekly Thought, “The Best Response …. is No Response”.

I admit, sometimes it can be difficult to keep your cool, but keep it you must.

Do not allow yourself to get plugged into their drama.

Active Listening won’t help you in these situations.

You are best to walk away, calm yourself down and then respond when your emotions have subsided.

David Bayer calls it the Primal State when you’re in that fight or flight mode. You can’t think straight. All you are interested in is surviving.

You need to wait until you can get yourself back into what he calls the Powerful State. The state of relaxation and calm. This is the state where you can be creative with your problem solving. You can work through what has happened and come up with a reasonable plan to go back and address it, without getting plugged back in.

Whilst it was a made up example, it applies to any situation where you find yourself getting emotional, angry or frustrated.  Give yourself some time.

The best response, at this time, is no response.

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This is probably too much information, but it’s relevant to today’s thought.

Most mornings when Ross and I wake up, he tells me “You’re not doing it right”. What that means is that I don’t jump straight out of bed.

I like to lie there and think about the day ahead and make a plan for the day.

I mentally set my priorities and my To Do List.

I see myself completing my tasks at certain times of the day.

Of course my days don’t always go to plan, however they do start with one and in my defence, Personal Development Guru, Jim Rohn, taught us “Don’t start the day before you’ve finished it”.

That may sound counter intuitive, however if you think about it, that’s what Jim is saying.

Plan your day and see it going the way you want before you get out of bed and start your day.

We’ve talked before about the power of visualisation.

This is a form of visualisation.

Mentally see yourself doing all the things you want to do.

Take the time to imagine it, feel it. Feel the sense of achievement as you tick things off your list.

Feel the joy of ending the day having completed what you wanted to.

Now, isn’t that a great way to start the day? Feeling a sense of accomplishment.

Brian Tracy also agrees. Chapter 2 in his book “Eat That Frog” is called “Plan Every Day in Advance”.

The chapter starts with a quote from Alan Lakein that says, “Planning is bringing the future into the present so you can do something about it now”.

Tracy says, “Your ability to plan well, in advance of acting, is a measure of your overall competence. The better the plan you have, the easier it is for you to overcome procrastination, to get started, to eat your frog, and then to keep going”.

How did you wake up today? Did you give yourself a few minutes to plan your day or did you hurl yourself into the day unprepared for what lay ahead?

How will you wake tomorrow?

Remember, “Don’t start your day before you’ve finished it”.

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With the start of the new year and many of us making New Year’s Resolutions and decisions about what we want to achieve this year, I’m prompted to remind you to “keep yourself accountable”.

Gretchin Rubin has a free quiz you can do to discover your tendency to keep yourself accountable.

Check it out here: https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/

Rubin discovered that people fit into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behaviour, so understanding this framework lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively. The Four Tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t act. (Source: Gretchen Rubin)

The Obliger – You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.

The Questioner – Keeping an eye on why

The Upholder – Discipline is my freedom

Rebel – You can’t make me and neither can I.

Knowing your tendency can help you keep yourself accountable.

I’m an Obliger. I can’t keep myself accountable, however I will be accountable to you. When I learned this about myself, I understood why I always committed to clients.  I was relying on them to keep me accountable. For example, if I told a client they would have their documents by 3pm on Thursday, I would deliver. Sometimes it meant pulling an all-nighter on Wednesday, but I got the job done.  If I didn’t commit, I would find 1000 reasons to procrastinate.

So, what are you going to do to keep yourself accountable this year?

Will you write a list and tick off things as you go?

Will you engage an accountability buddy?

Or are you like some of my very successful clients – the Upholders and just rely on your sheer discipline to do what you say you will.

Regardless of your goals for the year, the important thing is to keep yourself accountable and take action. Even just 5 minutes towards your goal is action.

Just get started.

Keep yourself accountable to start.

One of my sayings to get me going is, “It’s not going to do <insert action I need to take> by itself” and up I get and get going.

Let me know what your tendency is and how you are going to hold yourself accountable?

I’ve registered with an exercise physiologist – not so much for exercise tips – but for the sheer accountability of having to report in. 

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It was the end of the year.

It was the start of the festive season.

I was exhausted.

We’d had a big year with work and cleaning up my uncle’s place and now I felt the pressure to be social; to contact people and wish them a Merry Christmas etc.

I didn’t have anything left in the tank, so my calls and letters went by the wayside.

“Not to worry”, I thought to myself.

“I’ll contact people in the new year and wish them all the best.”

The new year came and went and I still hadn’t contacted my peeps.

It wasn’t that I didn’t think of them. I just didn’t have the energy.

Why am I telling you this?

This week I had to coach a team member who was going way above and beyond.

I was concerned for her health. The hours and the pressure were not sustainable.

She had a little reminder call with her health.

“I’m also being selfish”, I shared.

“If you have 100 tasks and you get through 75 of them, that’s a good effort. There is always tomorrow.”

“If you push yourself to get the 100 done and continue to push, at one point or another, you’ll fall over and then none of the tasks will be done.”

Today’s thought is for all the over-achievers.

There are only 24 hours in a day.

Those hours need to be shared amongst work, family, sleeping, hobbies and interests and rest.

Let’s not start the year feeling exhausted and let’s make sure that we do take the time to rest and recharge. Afterall, I’m told that recovery time is the most important time for an elite athlete.

Let’s follow their lead.

This year, let’s not end exhausted.

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Happy New Year! Wishing you all the very best for 2026.

May it be a wonderful year for you.

Speaking of timing, let’s ponder what it means.

I was preparing breakfast the other morning for Christmas.

We were celebrating with family.

There were so many things to take care – the drinks, the eggs, the croissants, setting the table etc.

I don’t know about you but I’m a List Maker.

I write down everything I have to do so I don’t miss anything. Well, that’s the aim anyway.

So even though I had my list, I was still struggling to get it all done by myself.

Thankfully, Superman Ross was on hand.

Without asking, he could see what needed to be done and just did it.

I couldn’t help but think about how important timing is.

Everything had to be ready on time and served hot.

True, it was one breakfast held once a year, but think about timing in general.

Think about the times you’ve ended up in the right place at the right time with the right people and other times when you maybe felt the timing wasn’t quite right.

One of my favourite quotes comes from the movie, “The World’s Most Exotic Marigold Hotel”, “Everything always works out in the end and if it’s not working out, it’s not the end.”

This is something I remind myself of when I feel like I’m not in control or things aren’t going to plan. It really helps me to stress less about the timing, knowing that everything happens as it should because “It’s all in the timing”.

As you head into a new year, if you are feeling a little overwhelmed with all the festivities, please relax and remind yourself, “It’s all in the timing, everything works out in the end.”

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