Shius Out of Her Mind

Oldies but Goodies!

2011-09-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

I know, I know I haven't posted in ages and I'm due for an update but I heard these songs and had to link up. (Hello run-on sentence!)

I love this song!

And this....

(Can't find the Bryan Adams version)

And this group on The Sing Off is amazing!!!

Hope these songs bring you as much joy as it brought me!

Intoducing...

2011-07-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

Our newest addition...

aka Keds

I'm in love with him :)

Just Around the River Bend

2011-07-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

To all you wonderful ladies out there who offered words of comfort & thoughts of prayers, I want to thank you.

I'll post an update soon enough but I wanted to let you all know, your prayers are paying off. I'm in such a better place!

What's Your Favorite Song

2011-07-14T01:40:00.000-07:00

I know by now my secret's out. I've been through my fair share of struggles throughout my life but nothing I feel has been as hard as this. Only because this is something that is so out of control.

It's hard to say where we stand right now. Neither of us is ready to away. But he's still at a standstill as far as which way he wants to turn.

We have good moments and bad ones. With all the hurt we're both experiencing, there are definitely more bad ones than good.

But we're trying to come together for the kids, especially the new one that's about to come.

So I feel this song really describes how we feel. That we wish there was a place we could go and hide and forget all the hurt and just cherish and remember one another.

Be sure to link up with Amber at Goodnight Moon to post your song choice of the week.

Words from the Heart

2011-06-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

My dearest husband,

I know you'll never read this though I wish you would, I look at the picture header and I cry. Our beautiful family is now broken. The love we shared has now turned to hate. You've given my love to someone else. I don't think I've ever hurt more than I do now.

I can't explain the horrible feeling I have, as I'm searching for comfort. Don't get me wrong, you of all people know I'm surrounded by a sea of people offering their condolences for our family. But the only one who can ease my pain is you. And it hurts me even more. I'm so lost and confused. I cry every night hoping you'll realize what a mistake you made. But we both know it's too late.

How could you let her rip our family apart? I know how badly you wanted this family? How could you let it slip away? You were the glue holding us all together. I lay in bed at night wishing you were here to wrap your arms around me and make me feel safe. But you're not. All the love I should be having, you've given to her. All the love your children should be having belongs to her. All the love and joy your unborn son should have belongs to her now.

She will never love you like we did. She will never bring the peace and joy that we did. And my heart aches for you on that day you realize it.

I miss the littlest things about you. I miss the love we shared. I miss our family whole and complete. But mostly I miss what could have been.

Death Would Have Been Better

2011-06-25T04:03:00.001-07:00

There are days when I wish I was truly dealing with your death than your decision to leave. It would be so much easier to deal with because if you had gone to Afghanistan and died, you would have died still loving me. I wouldn't have felt the past four years were a waste. I wouldn't be hurting as badly as I am now. I would be crushed but hopeful that we would be reunited again. I would have celebrated and cherished our time together, rather than crying myself to sleep resenting the day I met you. I would look at our children and tell them what a good and brave man you were. How much you loved your family and how you sacrificed for us. But instead I see them and cry. I cry about what you did to us. I cry and see how little we meant. I cry when I think about our unborn child, never being robbed of a family he deserved. All I do is cry.

Reflections

2011-06-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

I finally found some time to sit and catch up on my Google Reader. Two of my fellow mil spouses wrote posts that really just kinda stuck in my head.

Mrs. Superman wrote about the difficulties of trying to be a bigger person. That's pretty much where I'm at right now. It is extremely difficult. There are times when I wanna lash out and seek my own revenge. I wanna stoop to their level. I want them to hurt like they've hurt me. But what will that accomplish? What will that teach my boys? What will it teach my stepkids?

The saying is true. Two wrongs don't make it right. The bigger person just picks up and chooses to rise above. Not let things affect them. Chooses to move on. It's all a choice. It's all a frame of mind. And it's one I constantly struggle with. But unlike them, I need to think about the long run. How do I want this to turn out for me and my kids in the long run? When they look back what will they see?

If I can choose to rise above, my life will be that much sweeter. My revenge will ultimately that much sweeter. Because I will have proven to myself my self worth was never diminished. That I was me all along. that no one or nothing could take that away from me. And that strength comes from within. And that is my goal. That is the ultimate lesson I want my children to know.

Now sweet Brittney wrote about her struggles with her hubby's deployment. They're one of the couples who has spent almost more time apart then together. It is rough. It is hard. Don't get me wrong. But she wrote something that scared me and I knew I needed to reach out. Often times as military wives we try to be our spouses' strength. We and they expect that we will be strong during times of absence. But sometimes we confuse what it means to be strong. We often assume that strong women hold on how they're feeling because we don't wanna burden them by making them feel either guilty or sad about their departure.

But that was my mistake. I pushed him away. I held it in and put on a smile. I failed to tell him how badly I was hurting. How badly I needed him. How scared I was. So we pushed it aside. We failed to rely on one another. And ultimately it led to the demise of our relationship. We pushed one another away. We spent our feelings under the rug. And ultimately he found someone else to confide in. Does that mean it will happen to everyone else? Oh God, I hope not. The pain and regret we both feel is truly unbearable. We can't even bare to look into one another's eyes without feeling sorrow and disappointment on how we just let it all slip away.

And nothing hurts more than watching your best friend turn to another, knowing it should have been you.

Transitions

2011-06-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

Life is funny sometimes.

I met a man who changed my life. He gave me the greatest blessings I'll ever know.

And we went through insane amounts of transitions together. Life threw us the craziest curveballs. I thought I had seen it all. I thought we had already gone through the hardest times of our lives, only to come out on the other end stronger than ever.

And then in the blink of an eye it was gone.

The man who promised me an eternity of love disappeared before my very eyes. The man who promised to stand by me and never leave broke every promise he ever made.

The man who promised no one could ever take my place in his heart let another in without me knowing.

I am crushed. I am devasted. I am broken.

And I am lost.

I am drowning.

I feel ashamed though I know it's not my fault.

Looking back I can't help it. I see my part in it and I have regrets. Often times I fight my emotions. I fight to remember what was real. Was it all a joke? How could this have happened?

I've changed so much over the past 4 years. I lost me. I lost us. I was so focused on things that were really unimportant. And now I can't get it back.

How do I move on? How do I pick up the pieces? How can I bring this wonderful little boy into the world alone?

I'm not fully alone, I know that. He has given me two of the most precious gifts that no one else can. I love my little man and I will love my new little man.

I feel foolish. Why cry over a man who no longer wants you? But how do you just turn off your love?

What The ....?

2011-06-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?

I wonder that all the time.

Life hasn't been so kind to me lately. It's really hard to see the silver lining. But I guess that's the thing about God, right? He works in mysterious ways.

It's always so hard to see the good sometimes, especially when times are rough. It's hard to figure out what the lessons you are supposed to be learning while enduring these rough patches.

It makes me wonder sometimes how people are supposed to hold on and no wonder there's such a lack of faith in God these days.

It's hard. For me, it's even harder. I've never truly been rocked to the core so badly. I can honestly say my worst nightmare has come true. It's hard to imagine moving on. But I have to.

I have to emerge stronger. My babies depend on it.

Milie Mondays

2011-06-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ok ladies, I'm having major issues with my blogger today and I don't know if anyone else is.

But if you're stopping by from the military bloghop, then welcome!

Be sure to check out my tab above titled My Love for Shius & Accessories to be clued in to who I am and the names I refer to.

Life is a journey so come along for the ride :)

Broken

2011-06-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

When your world gets rocked in a way you never imagined, it's hard to see the brighter side. It's hard to hope for tomorrow when you long for yesterday.

I have never felt so broken or empty inside.

I know now why God has given me two boys. And it's because of them and my stepkids that I find the strength to keep going.

I am surrounded by people who are trying to uplift me. And I truly appreciate them, I know one of you is reading this. It's unfortunate how circumstances like these will draw people closer together.

But for as much as I am surrounded, without him I feel alone. And that's the sad truth.

Priorities and Options

2011-05-28T03:09:00.000-07:00

"Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option."

I've seen this so many times on FB and poor silly me, I've even pitied some of the people who have posted it, thinking how sad it was for them to have felt that way. I've been there before and almost laughed it off at how that would never happen to me ever again. I've even thought to myself that some people who had posted it might have even deserved it.

Well I really think this is a lesson for me, cuz karma is certainly a bigger biznatch than me.

I know there are all these blogs out there about wives who are supportive of their husbands and their military related injuries. And well frankly, it makes me feel like crap. I really thought I was fine and hopeful and truly an awesome wife until now.

I've really allowed myself to throw a pity party for one. So many people around me feel cruddy, StacyAdams especially and all I can do is harass him past the point of no return. No wonder he has days when he wants to give up.

He commented the other when I mentioned how I wanted to grow my business but lacked the confidence to really market myself. He said "What happened to the strong, independent woman I fell in love with and married?" Wow! Talk about striking a chord in my heart.

Initially I wanted to blame him and really I did, him and the kids. I whined to my GF about they robbed me of it. But no one can rob you of who you are. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!

I allowed myself to disappear and take on a new form that I thought my family needed. And clearly, it's not because as much as we love one another, I really do suck. What my family needed all along was me. That's who they fell in love with and admired and truthfully needed to complete their life. It was the old me! And bless her heart, my MIL has been trying to hint that to me all along.

Here I've been crying myself to sleep about my family situation wondering how in the world we got to this point and how I could pick up the pieces and go on. And this whole time what needed to change was me. It took me long enough to realize that.

Amber at Goodnight Moon had this awesome post about what being with her ex taught her. And it really struck me. But sometimes God hears you and he sends you messages and you gotta be open to receiving it. Initially when I read it, I thought hmmmm am I married to a snake? But in reality, I'm the snake. Well not in the same context as hers. But in the sense that I'm the poisonous one. So thanks Amber for helping me to reach my epiphany.

Women are the backbone of every family. Men may be the providers, but we are the nurturers. It's why Heavenly Father blessed us with the right to bear children. But it is our quiet strength that He knew is what families thrived on to survive. So ladies when you feel down and lost, allow yourself that pity party for a brief moment. Then reach down deep inside to find that strong, independent woman and your world will be right again. I promise!

Big Girls Don't Cry

2011-05-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

Except for maybe this one....

I guess I feel safe writing this because I know very few of you will actually read it. And so I feel I can pour out my heart and not be judged.

If you ever asked me to name one person in this world that I could absolutely NOT live without in this world, I'm sure most of you would assume it was be the hubby, StacyAdams. But you would actually be wrong. Right now there is only one person in this entire universe that I would literally be lost without, and that is my son, Puma.

I love him more than anything in this world. I would literally give my life for him. And it is because of him that I have sacrificed so much and continue to do so on a daily basis. I only want the best for my son. I promised him that from the moment I knew I was pregnant.

My pregnancy with him was rough, both physically and emotionally. StacyAdams and I were not married yet, so naturally my parents were upset that I had had a child out of wedlock. I found out late into my pregnancy that I had a short cervix and required emergency surgery to stitch it closed for fear that he would just simply fall out as he grew.

All the while, StacyAdams couldn't be there to support me cuz he was stationed in SD and I was in LA. And my mother and a good majority of my family was not speaking to me. It really took her awhile to forgive me. The procedure was painful and I had no visitors during my stay there recovering. It was honestly depressing. I was then put on bedrest. My cousin asked me if I wouldn't mind no longer being a part of her wedding but if I wouldn't mind making her favors since I was on bedrest. I had to resign from my well-paying position and worry how on earth I was going to support myself if StacyAdams decided he wasn't going to marry me. I told him I didn't want to be married just because we were having a child together.

Well like I kept telling my son while he was still in my belly, he was going to be special. He was going to change everything. He was going to melt everyone's hearts and mend all broken fences. And of course he did. How could he not? He continues to be something special. He continues to mend people's hearts.

I truly felt that once I got pregnant again, things would be different. It would be more smooth because I knew what was going to happen. And because we were married and have been for 3 years now, people would be excited for us.

But I was wrong....

Boy oh boy was I wrong.

I actually cancelled my baby shower today. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But to be honest, it was too much stress for me. I was hosting my own. And not that that mattered to me, it was really that no one seemed interested. No one really bothered to RSVP, I mean heck StacyAdams doesn't even really care.

And you're probably thinking to yourself, boo hoo girl, it's just a baby shower who cares. But it's not really about that. It's about the baby in general. No one really seemed to care. I of course had to have surgery again but luckily because it was done early on, I didn't have to be on bedrest. Maybe that's why no one really seems to mind or bothers to check in on me. Cuz I seem normal.

But truthfully inside I'm a wreck. StacyAdams is going through some shit in his head because of the stroke. And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be insensitive because I get it. But things he's said out of frustration have been so incredibly hurtful, my heart literally feels like it broke.

He's not the only one who has made me feel unloved or that our child is unwanted. Let's just say my side of the family has as well. And his side of the family all has their own things going on.

I'm literally hanging on by a thread. But the only thing that gets me going is Puma. Until the new little man comes, Puma is the most important man in my life. I will love him for all eternity.

I don't really know if I can forgive StacyAdams enough to ever have him regain that huge of a part of my life ever again. I can't begin to explain the kind of hurt and abandonment I've felt. I truly don't know how to recover from it.

I May Be Bad But I'm Perfectly Good At It

2011-05-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's that time again to link up w/ Amber over at Goodnight Moon and let her know what your song is!

I thought this might've been fitting considering her awesome giveaway.

Are you surprised by my dirtiness? Hah don't be I just love this song and it always happens to be mine & StacyAdams' initials. Plus I just love these two ladies!

Temptation Island

2011-05-24T17:20:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already checked out Eden Fantasys, then you're really missing out!

What an awesome way to spice up things in the bedroom, not that you need it. But perhaps some of you are in need of a BOB (otherwise known as a battery-operated boyfriend) in the absence of your significant other.

Then I highly suggest you check it out and while you're at it, stop by the awesome Amber's at Goodnight Moon because she's hosting an awesome giveaway where you can win a $25 gift certificate to Eden Fantasys!

And what do you know, it's just in time for Father's Day. So why don't you get your big daddy a little something special. I'm sure it'll be a father's day he won't forget!

A Glimmer of Hope

2011-05-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

These past few days have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. And honestly I can't even begin to explain what is going on or what brought it on.

I have my theories though. StacyAdams has really been dealing with a lot these past 7 months and I don't blame him. I feel like his recent detachment has a lot to do with his unit returning and his health's lack of rapid progress since then.

Now combine that with my pregnancy and raging hormones, you can only imagine what chaos has been emerging from our household lately. Things look so bleak right now because like a typical Marine, he isn't one much for talking.

As for myself, being a typical woman, I need to have conversations for reassurance. It's been tough. I thought I was strong enough. And I feel like for the past 7 or so months, I have endured it well. Yes every now and then I flipped out here and there. But there's something about this moment in time that I'm being swallowed up in the looming darkness of despair.

The hardest part about it is to keep up some sort of normalcy for the kids' sake. There's only so much entertainment technology can provide.

I could sit here and cry about the things that have happened to us to get us to this point. But what would really be the point? Would it change the fact that he had a stroke? Would it change the fact that he feels a loss of identity now? It's hard to watch him so lost and not now how to be there.

I've found that often times when people hurt, they often hurt those closest to them. Sadly, it's been the story of my life. You would think I would be used to it. My mother has told me plenty of times that I was our family's scapegoat because she knew I was strong enough to handle it.

But StacyAdams has always been my backbone. He's always been my knight in shining armor. I don't know if I'm strong enough to pull us through. My hormones have made me so emotional and maybe even irrational in my feelings.

{sigh} 

F*** You, Hormones!

2011-05-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

{image source}

Do you guys remember in the movie Knocked Up when Katherine Heigl is having that emotional breakdown and Seth Rogen starts yelling "F*** you hormones! Not you, Alison! You, hormones!"

What is it about pregnancy that makes our hormones go bananas?

I truly don't know how my husband does it. Men think it's just a myth but really I feel like pregnancy can turn the sanest, most angelic of women into a mad, crazy woman.

I truly thought that it hadn't affected me this time around but I totally see that it manifested itself in a different form. When I was pregnant with Puma, it really made me emotional. I cried very easily. I took sensitivity to the extreme. I would cry over the littlest things, even sappy commercials. But I thought it was because of the circumstances that I was under. When we got pregnant, we didn't really go about it the right way. So that was emotional and stressful in itself. And then I found out I was high risk, had to have an emergency surgery, and remain on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy. All the while living at home and was separated from StacyAdams and the kids.

So this time around I wasn't surprised that I didn't cry as easily, not that I didn't cry at all. But I just wasn't as emotional. Surprisingly, I've discovered that I'm irritable. Irritable to the point that I'm really crabby. Like PMS type crabby. Everything pisses me off. My poor family. They're tolerating it but I can tell they can't wait for this pregnancy to be over.

How were your pregnancies? Please tell me I'm not the only crazy one...

Our Glory Days

2011-04-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

It's not very often that I'll post twice in one day but as I was catching up on my subscriptions, I found another post that got my wheels turning.

Wife on the Roller Coaster posted about her spring break differences before and after having kids. It was freaking hiliarious! You really should check it out. For me {and even StacyAdams}, it totally holds true. Each of us can tell you stories of our lives before our kids, and we'll often times reminisce in hushed tones so the kids don't hear. And well so we don't have to answer any questions, like "What does Mary Jane mean? Or what do you mean by getting wasted?". Yeah, that's not awkward.

And even when we got together, on the rare occasions that Skechers and Champion did get to see their mom, you better believe we took advantage of that. But once our family actually blended, well all those "good times" abruptly came to a halt. Don't get us wrong, we love our life now.

But we came to the conclusion that we are truly boring. Not to one another, but for the most part, we stand alone. All the good times we left behind included a lot of friends and my family. We tried to somewhat relive our old lives this weekend while celebrating our 3 year anniversary. But that's a little hard since we no longer drink and well, I am 24 weeks pregnant.

But we give ourselves A for effort and I think our old friends appreciated our effort. We did hang wayyyyyyyyyyy past our bedtime. After dinner, we even went to our old hang out spot and socialized with our buds while they drank. And tried to even hit up another "bar/club". And yeahhhhhh that's about when we decided it was time to call it a night. I mean really, what is a pregnant lady doing in a bar?

And no offense to those of you who do it, but I felt trashy. And StacyAdams was super fearful of people bumping into our precious bundle of joy. {With every right too, seeing how early on in the evening I got an elbow to the boob on my way back from the bathroom.}

Oh well, we'll also have our glory days to hang onto. {Oh and the proof on Facebook, which should probably be deleted.}

Perfection: To Be or Not To Be

2011-04-26T12:43:00.000-07:00

If you haven't checked out Debi (The Truthful Mommy), then you're really missing out. She posted a topic about perfect parenting. And that really got me thinking...

For me, that's a really touchy subject. I think by nature, I am just one of those people who strives for perfection in everyday life. It's completely obvious in the way I live my life. I'm not OCD or anything but I really do like to give off the impression that I've got my shizzle together.

I have to admit that I have been guilty of expecting too much of my children at times. I guess what I've learned from my mother is that my children are a reflection of me. Yes people, I know that's wrong. My children are individuals, fully capable of making their own decisions and often times mistakes. But at a young age, I think many of us can agree that society will hold us (specifically the mothers) responsible.

That puts added pressure on me to succeed in parenting, not to mention the fact that I feel I am playing the role of mother. {If you don't get what I'm saying look here for my family dynamics.} I place additional pressure on myself because I feel like I'm being judged based on my performance as a mother. Am I really good enough to take care of these children? Was I wrong in jumping into this relationship? Am I doing a good enough job? Could she have done any better?

What I can't seem to comprehend is that these are all insecurities? Sure in the beginning she and I had our issues, and it played a lot into my insecurities. There was always the threat of her looming over me because she was actually looming over me, as was her family. But even she has realized that I am doing a good job. And maybe even a better one because I am here. I have earned my title and respect as their mother, whether I birthed them or not.

I don't really need to stress about what people perceive me to be because at the end of the day, in their own little ways, they do show me their appreciation. I'm just too busy obsessing to see it.

So thanks Debi for that vote of confidence. I needed it :)

It's Just Another Millie Monday

2011-04-18T22:13:00.000-07:00

I decided to link up today to vent to you ladies because frankly you're the only ones who will understand my frustration.

Welcome new friends to my page, I promise my posts won't always be like this. Feel free to browse around and get to know me and my family. And for those of you who regularly follow me, forgive me if I'm a little off my game today. I'm a little sleep deprived and here's why...

I'll start off with the great news.

My dog had puppies early Saturday morning! I was so worried about her Friday night that I couldn't really sleep. And Saturday was filled with it's usual mayhem - soccer game, commissary, etc. On top of the joy and excitement of new puppies. So needless to say we kept busy considering so many people wanted to come over and ooh and ahh over the sweet little things. I don't blame them. Just look for yourself and tell me your heart isn't melting....

She did great during labor. I didn't even hear a peep out of her until the puppies came and I could just hear their sweet little whimpers.

Anyways that's not what's kept me sleep deprived. Well maybe a little because I wanna make sure they're alright and she's fed and hydrated. But I will gladly stay up for that.

What really got me going this weekend was a little drama...

And normally I try to stay out of it especially the baby mama drama kind cuz I hate that. And I have enough of my own to deal with. But this makes mine seem like nothing.

My first advice for you ladies is: If you ever have any drama or beef with another person, keep it off Facebook. Simple enough right? So you would think...

Awhile back my cousin got his (what is now ex-fiance) pregnant and since then they've been off and on. I think she's bipolar seriously or just downright delusional. She hasn't accepted that it's not working between them. And despite everyone's attempts to tell her to be civil for the sake of her son, she isn't at that level of maturity to do so. Well I can't help her there.

Anyways I got a phone call about how she is bashing my cousin on FB. Saying so not nice things and basically implying he is a deadbeat. That he sacrifices nothing for his child and she's single-handedly raising her child, which she isn't. But perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying he is a Marine and has only really been in for less than a year. So I'm sure many of you can relate to what life was like then (or is like now). And his ex-fiance chose not to live with him so she lives a good 8 or so hours away. My cousin tries his best to see his son by going up there but rarely does she come down here. {I must say I've never even met my little nephew.}

Anyways I advised people not to get involved until I saw what they were saying regarding him being in the military. Implying that the military should take a backseat to his child. Naturally nothing is more important in life than your own child. HOWEVER, I believe they failed to realize what the military is like. And really I should have ignored it at this point because we all know it's ignorance. But I started to get offended at comments they were making regarding what he was in the military and how much he was making. At a later point, one person even had the nerve to tell him that he did not have a career but yet a job. A JOB, are you freaking kidding me?

So at that point, I had to intervene. I simply reminded his ex-fiance that she was well aware of what she was getting into being with him. And that I informed her she and any children they had would have to take a backseat to the military. Because as we all know, even though we are married to our servicemembers we will more often than not take a backseat when duty calls. I also reminded her that it was her choice to separate her family. That he wanted her and the baby here with him so they could be together as a family and that the distance is what contributed to their separation {that and her craziness}. For all the other ignorant commenters, I gave them a little insight into our lives.

I told them that the military was not a job, not even a career, but a lifestyle. And one we are all proud to be a part of because of what it stands for. That our men and women in the military work hard to protect our rights and our freedom. That it isn't easy for them to be away from their families, and it's most certainly not a choice they are making to be away from us.

And most importantly that my cousin wasn't some ghetto a** punk, deadbeat dad that he joined the military to make a better life for himself even before he knew he was going to be a dad. And that his child will only benefit from him being a Marine.

Can I just say that I most certainly DID NOT get the response you would expect after such an eloquently written speech via FB? {Tacky I know. But I was furious!}

No some little punk a** girl had the NERVE to tell me I was brainwashed. So I told her I would take her "compliment" as a thank you to my husband and other servicemembers for defending her freedom and rights. And that if she couldn't stand behind and support our troops she can most certainly stand in front of them!

Anyways, it really made me lose a lot of sleep. I couldn't believe the nerve. I can see why people who weren't aware of the military's sacrifices might think I am brainwashed. But tell that to the parents who have to explain to their kids why daddy is away and not coming back for awhile. Or to those whose daddies aren't ever coming back and tell me we don't know about sacrifices.

But that's the last time I interact with her. I really shouldn't have gotten involved because I'm not ghetto and trashy. I was just too proud of my cousin to allow him to be bashed by that. But he's a grown man and can fight his own battles. Luckily my intervening (as well as a few other concerned family members) hasn't affected her allowing my nephew to be part of my family.

Peanut Butter and Crack Sandwich

2011-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever watched Dave Chappelle? If you have, then you know what my title is referring to. Because no friends, despite what it may appear like via my conversations on blogger, I am not a crackhead. Just sleep deprived.

I've been trying to transition Puma back into his room to prepare for the new baby (which has no name determined as of yet). It doesn't really help that the lizard is there in the room. Although I think he's no longer afraid of it, now he's fascinated with it. Great.

So anyways, I was putting him to bed and must've fallen asleep alongside him. I woke up at maybe around midnight to check on my preggo puppy. Yes, she is preggo also! Well I realized she was probably going to be delivering within the next 24 hours so we should really prepare unless StacyAdams wanted to wake up so blood and discharge everywhere.

He actually wanted me to take care of it so he could continue his love affair with his mistress, also known as Call of Duty: Black Opps. Hi hun, remember me, your pregnant wife? Yes I think it might be a little hard for me to bend over and pick up another pregnant being. What do you think? Oh, you agree. Thanks for your help!

Well after we prepared her little birthing area and gave her some quick love and reassurance, we tried to head off to bed. Only I got hungry. So I debated for quite some time and settled on the last huge piece of Entemann's Cheese Filled Coffee Crumb Cake. Yes friends, I ate cake at 2 in the morning and I love every bite of it.

Then poor puppy was crying because she was alone and I could hear her trying to break through the barrier. So I gave her pep talks and a little lamaze hoping that would calm her nerves enough for me to sleep.

Of course not, so I got to sleep in the living room and freeze because I was too lazy to find a blanket she hadn't yet discharged on. And when I finally fell asleep around 5am I was happily awoken by the sounds of crying from upstairs. "Mommy, where are you?" Aha, Puma had discovered I left. So I coerced him to come down as quietly as I could so he didn't wake the whole house up. I showed him his beloved BFF in dire pain and uncomfort and told him to go bother his daddy. He nodded and blew a kiss to our pup and headed off.

Ahh blissful sleep until a little before 7am when I heard muffled whining. Oh I jumped up from my spot on the couch expecting to find a struggling dog in labor only to find that it was actually her own baby whimpering to find milk and comfort. She did it and I wasn't even there for her.

But that's the beauty of dogs. Unlike us, they don't need all the attention we crave. They do their thing in their own little privacy at their own time.

Gotta love the beauty of nature!

M-PMS?

2011-04-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've all heard of this, the male version of PMS.

Many have said it's just a rumor. But I'm here to tell you friends - much like the man cold, it does exist.

Often times, it correlates with our body cycle. Perhaps it's the pheromones we exude or perhaps I'm talking out of my rear end. I really don't know. But I do sense a pattern.

I like to relate it to sympathy pains. Those of you who have had the pleasure of carrying a child in your womb can relate. You pack on pounds, your partner packs on pounds. You get cravings, your partner gets cravings. You feel back pain from carrying such a huge load, as does your partner. You get the drift.

Now why is that?

Frankly, I don't know. Maybe it's their desire to share in such a special moment with us or perhaps it's their longing to be as awesome as us. I really can't say.

But I can provide you with an example:

StacyAdams came home today claiming he wanted to go to the commissary {military lingo for grocery store} before the rush. {It's our secret to go as early on or before a payday to avoid the chaos.} But that first he needed to complete a little Ab Ripper X (courtesy of the P90X program) so Puma and I needed to be ready in 20 mins. That's fine, dear. We're ready.

Oh but wait! In order for StacyAdams to transfer his songs onto his iPod. Clearly he forgot that last week I told him I was having issues transferring music to my iPhone but whatever. So 20 mins have passed and I was luckily able to watch the rest of my pre-recorded Biggest Loser episode I hadn't gotten to watch. As I wiped away the tears from my emotional episode, I approached an apparently grumpy StacyAdams.

Here we go, I thought as he's furiously banging away at the computer. Yes hun, keep banging on the keys! That will surely make your music transfer. So I remind him that we should start heading out seeing as we needed to give ourselves ample amount of time to get back to pick up the kids and carpool from school. {Now that I have a van, it's like a freaking clown car. Children of all races piling out from it. I'm like the United Nations over here.}

Oh heaven forbid, I got the wrath from hell for reminding him. Well duh obviously we weren't going now. The music won't transfer to his iPod. How stupid of me to suggest that feeding our family would be more important! I mean geez whoever heard of working out without music! That must be unheard of these days!

Normally I would bite my tongue and either go myself or just let him cool off. But I was still feeling emotional after watching the sweet sacrifice Moses made to Olivia on the Biggest Loser to encourage her aspirations to hopefully become a mother if she continued on her weight lost journey. So I ever so sweetly retorted "Well LOVE, remember I told you I had that problem LAST WEEK. So I'm REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY not sure how you thought it resolved itself on its own."

Yes slightly catty, I know. But please don't go throwing around your PMS attitude when I can obviously top you at that game. Well I'm sure you know how that went down. It's silent treatment from here on out.

Now why pray-tell am I sharing this ever so boring story with you? Because after I quickly vented out to my GF, I realized something. Men are truly simple creatures. It's really like dealing with a child. They're quite fragile. All I really needed to say was, "Here hun, let me take care of that for you while you work out to your already loaded music on your iPhone." Or just giving him a workout of our own. But I didn't.

After he cools down, he'll apologize for being a brat. And it'll be in exactly those words. Because the difference with men and women is...they know, a happy wife is a happy life. So they should apologize because we're always right :)

Happy Friday friends!

What Would You Do?

2011-04-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

Have you guys ever watched this show?

It's The Secret Millionaire. It's an awesome show. Millionaires are selected to give up their lives of luxury for a week to see what people struggle with in every day life. All the stories they show are naturally tear-jerkers. And some of these millionaires have back stories of struggle of their own.

It's such an amazing show. I can't even begin to express it. It really makes you reevaluate your life. And sure you could critique it by saying how little some of these millionaires give in comparison to how much they truly have or that they're doing it for their own personal gain.

But at the end of it, I'm a firm believer that this experience has truly touched them. It inspires me to want to step outside of my own comfort zone and reach out to people. You really honestly never know what other people are going through, their struggles and hardships.

Being in the military, there are hardships to our lives. We make sacrifices that other people do not have to. But at the same time we do also have great benefits, housing but above that we have a whole community of people who understand us. We aren't shunned like the homeless or disabled.

This show teaches me not to judge. It melts my heart. It's the one primetime show I'll let my kids watch because there is a moral to be learned.

No matter how hard you think your life is, there's always someone out there who has it worse. If we are truly to follow in Jesus' footsteps then we need to seek out and help those in need. Even if it's just a friendly smile or a shoulder to lean on. You could be changing someone's life.

I'm sure you've all heard this one before:

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?

He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. "

They really should get lives.

" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"

There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.

He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends

He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!

" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors we began to think about college.

Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.

He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.

I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

He had to prepare a speech for graduation.

I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.

He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.

He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.

Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.

" Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved.

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

For better or for worse.

God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

What's My Song?

2011-04-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little sassy these days ladies, herego I've chosen to relate to Britney. Pretty sure this song is self explantory :)

We'll have to see Britney has truly made her comeback. But I must say great plug in for your product line in the beginning of the video. Can't hate on that :)

Sanity is Overrated!

2011-04-13T15:56:00.000-07:00

And friends, I'm back!

I survived what seemed to be the day from hell. Of course they managed to calm themselves before StacyAdams got home. Thanks kids! Way to make me look even more crazy!

To make matters worse, guess what we have as a new pet? A lizard. Not any particularly cool lizard, like an iguana or some indigenous creature. Nope.

{image source}

Just a regular lizard that my husband happened to capture outside our house. And apparently is our new pet. Move over puppy, you have some competition.

And of course guess who had to research the creature to find out what kind of habitat it requires and food to eat. Yes friends, tis I.

Why on earth do you want a freaking lizard in your house, you ask? Well we've had this stinking tank that a friend gave Raoh because years ago he said he wanted a fish. And of course StacyAdams was determined to get him an aquarium. Well between the kids finally going to see their mom one summer and use preparing to PCS (mililtary term for moving), we decided to hold off on it.

Obviously now StacyAdams found the need to fulfill his promise. So yesterday I loaded up the two midgets (Puma and Skechers) to buy food.

Oh what kind of food do lizards eat, you ask? Well let me indulge you. They eat crickets. Yes, crickets. Now friends keep in mind, I am a girly girl if you perhaps haven't already noticed by the appearance of my page. And to top that off, I am a wonderful 22 weeks pregnant.

{image source}

So the wonderful ladies at the local pet store helped me by showing me the crickets. Live crickets, jumping around in this huge cup. I swear I almost delivered my baby right then and there. Talk about freaking dis-gus-ting! Naturally they laughed at me. But as I explained to them, I have no fear about bugs. But bugs in mass quantities jumping around in this small container is gross.

So they bagged it up for me of course with Skechers flailing the bag around everywhere. Clearly she is nothing like me. {Did I mention this is also the girl who picks up snails with her bare hands?} We are obviously not from the same mold.

Anyways so today I went to Petsmart, (well Petco first but that's a different story) and purchased some more fun filled items for said new pet.

Yes I am a sweet mom, I know. {Don't hesitate to remind my children on days like yesterday.}

I have never seen my kids so excited about anything in their life as they watched their dad assemble the new creature's habitat. I was careful to buy dead prepacked crickets this time. It's not as intimidating. But I've forewarned them that I will in no way have any interaction with this thing. That's all on them. And if it is found anywhere outside its tank, then I will have no choice but to kill it for the safety of my baby bump.