1. Save yourself from having to carry heavy items by putting a bag on the leash; kids should earn their board and lodging.

2. For the crying types or those that eat anything in sight a muzzle is an effective means by which you can keep a child’s mouth shut tightly.

3. Save on water bills by reducing the number of times your child bathes weekly and buy them a flea and tick collar instead.

I am not debating the existence of rising global temperatures nor increased carbon emissions; temperature fluctuations demonstrating periodic behaviour have spanned more than 10°C long before modern human existence. However multiple, compounded effects are responsible and it may be more scientifically responsible to attribute current rises to random oscillations and concentrate research on other areas.

Randomness of an event is often confused with an absence of causality. Instead it should be seen as such an abundance of causes that none can be pinpointed sufficiently to predict an outcome.

To paraphrase an analogy I read – “when an ancient man scratched his nose and it began to rain he attributed the rain to this simple act being unaware of the true source”. I recommend reading Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s Fooled by Randomness.

To the best of my knowledge at no point in time has a religious leader—of any faith—demonstrated credibility in a scientific field based purely on their theological doctrine. Why then is it so widely acceptable for them to pass judgement on such matters?

Propagation of HIV requires hosts and a transfer mechanism between them such as intercourse, contaminated needles (horizontal transfer) or mother-to-child (vertical transfer). Without antiretroviral treatment the sum of median progression time to AIDS (9-10 years) and median survival time with AIDS (about 9 months) is insufficient for children to reach an age of sexual activity, thus eliminating their chance for further vertical transmission.

With further transfers through infected infants removed, without medical intervention, the initial generation of infected hosts would pass on and deprive the virus of adequate host numbers for propagation—resulting in extinction. Ethically this is far from a viable solution but may prove to be an interesting exercise in mathematical modelling of the situation to determine necessary parameters for self-eradication.

If you haven’t seen it:

1. Go to Google
2. Type “find Chuck Norris” (without the “s)
3. Press “I’m Feeling Lucky”

And if you don’t believe that it was me have a look at the Shlog link at the bottom of the page.

Seeing as I have received so many emails enquiring as to how I managed to pull it off I wrote a (longer) non-technical white paper from a marketing perspective.

Read the paper here.

If we instate smoking areas in bars we might as well do the same for peeing areas in public swimming pools.

A simple comparison of the Archibald winner and the Packing Room Prize winner (as decided by the gallery staff or “packers”) quite effectively sums up my argument—appreciate art for what you see, and not for unverifiable meanings you think the artist intended to portray.

The gallery’s head storeman chose the packing room winner because ‘it was a good picture’.

It effortlessly fits inside your pocket and doesn’t have a monitor, keyboard, hard drive nor processor; however the specially developed Remote Computer lets you wirelessly use or “borrow” the hardware of a Mac or PC in the vicinity.

Entry-level models are expected to ship for as low as $1499.

If we were to adhere to the same argument then this greater being would require its own creator which in turn would require its own…

Thus we are left with the only other viable solutions—a hierarchical polytheism with an infinite lineage of creators or atheism with evolution through natural selection (not random chance).

Bring out the pitchforks!

• For all intensive purposes—live life to the extreme dude!
• Your stupid—what about my stupid?
• I could care less—neither could I.