SHOCK NEW LOOK.

Homeland Pilot: A Review

2012-01-04T20:46:00.002+11:00

Claire Danes returns to series television in the fantastic new thriller Homeland. She stars as Carrie Mathison - a CIA officer who suspects a recently freed POW Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) is in fact now working as a terrorist.

The pilot is great. It's a fluid, dynamic first episode geared towards the Call of Duty generation. Lots of violence, Iraqi war sequences and inexplicably long sex scenes. In fact it was a touch too overboard for me; all of it kind of seemed to be put in the episode to disguise the fact that the show's protagonist is a complex female character.

The worst part of the pilot is Nicholas' wife played by some random new actress. You see, since her man went missing for 8 years home girl began sleeping with one of his friends. Now her husband's back from Iraq, she is torn. Good grief, I hope the producers get rid of this ridiculous Bold & Beautiful plot as soon as they can. The fact that I had to watch this woman get banged by two different men in just one hour was enough to hate her.

Homeland also stars Mandy Patinkin. Wonder how long he lasts on this show before he walks, like he did on Chicago Hope and Criminal Minds.

Happy New Year!!

2012-01-02T10:48:00.000+11:00

" Does anybody really know the words?"

-Mariah Carey, 'Auld Lang Syne' (2010)

Lol I'm so immature...

2011-12-30T20:26:00.003+11:00

If you head to the App store now, you can purchase this versatile, skanky teen app (#65)

My new year's resolution is not to laugh at this kind of shit:

Sheree's Debut Single: Two Years Too Late

2011-12-28T12:55:00.000+11:00

Real Housewives of Atlanta castmember Sheree Whitfield follows in the footsteps of Kim Zolciak and Countess LuAnn with the release of her debut single Who Gon' Check Me Boo?

01 Who Gon' Check Me Boo by bizzyblanco

I'll tell you gon' check her though - no one, boo. It's two years too late to capitalise on her signature Housewives catfight:

Still, it's a lot better than the worst reality show single of all time - I'm Hot by Jersey Shore's Angelina:

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2011-12-24T20:43:00.000+11:00

Friends,

Merry Christmas

My Favourite Artists of 2011

2011-12-23T21:18:00.004+11:00

If you could sum up 2011 in pop music, you could use one word: Adele. But screw that overrated. over-saturated singer. Her moaning and wailing on each song bored me.

I was going to compile a list of "my favourite songs" but that they keep on changing. Instead, here's the top five artists I've most enjoyed listening to this year.

5. LADY GAGA'S QUEEN OF POP COMPLEX DEEPENS

I was in New York when Born This Way was officially released and I was faced with the hardest decision ever -- should I purchase the physical album for US$20 at Macy's or spend that money on food. I chose the latter.

Three weeks later, I'm home in Australia and I find out that Interscope was hawking the album for 99c online. For all your fuckers who say that was a horribly tacky move - how many more MILLION people illegally downloaded Born This Way in that first week for free?

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

The album campaign was a mess though. Her self-indulgent ego destroyed any momentum she had from the Born this Way single. All music videos from this era have been absolutely atrocious, reeking of narcissism and a God-complex.

Nevertheless, the standout tracks from BTW (The Edge of Glory, Bad Kids, Marry the Night, Hair and Schiebe) are still on my iPhone playlists.

4. THE RETURN OF SUPERSTAR J-LO

Jennifer Lopez was so far deep in irrelevancy her management team thought her starring in The Back Up Plan was a good career move.

Thankfully, JLo re-hired her old manager Benny Medina and orchestrated her way back in the spotlight thanks to American Idol and Lady Gaga producer RedOne. The latter collaboration was the worldwide hit, On the Floor featuring the omnipresent pesticide known as Pitbull.

Unfortunately for La Lopez, On the Floor was ignored by the Grammys committee. I'm sure she thought that she would've swept next year's Grammys just like she thought she was robbed of an Oscar.

PS I happened to love her album LOVE?

3. GOTYE - AUSTRALIA'S ANSWER TO MERLIN

Why? Because on Australia's weekly ARIA Top 50 single chart countdown, he was able to keep Adele off the number 1 spot FOR WEEKS.

This is not Gotye, but former Australian Idol contestant Anthony Callea. I thought someone other than Tim Campbell could show him some love this year. His "comeback" single had a horrible, shortlived reception.

2. NICOLE SCHERZINGER FINALLY BECOMES A STAR

Nicole Scherzinger was basically the Pussycat Dolls yet the world never took to her as a solo artist until 2011.

She deservedly scored her first number one hit single - Don't Hold Your Breath in the UK this year.

Right There, Say Yes, Tomorrow Never Dies. Killer Love was a great pop album.

1. WE FOUND LOVE / RIHANNA & CALVIN HARRIS

Both released some fucking tunes this year (Cheers, Feel So Close, Bounce) but We Found Love is my favourite song and video of the year.

Every Saturday night in my flat before heading out, it's this:

A Poem by a Crazed Flatmate

2011-12-21T20:41:00.004+11:00

You are never here
Yet you terrorise me everyday
I can smell your pungent hate
Seeping through the walls that divide us
Gone are the days of frivolity
Welcome the time of darkness
But hope 'tis round the corner
Of gay Christmas yonder
Alas I have but lost my mind
My sanity methinks I cannot find
And in the shadows thou shall see
My eyes stalking over thee

-A Poem by the crackpot formerly known as Francis Fares

Psychopathic Bitches: A Short Story

2011-12-18T19:59:00.001+11:00

We were desperate when she first came into our lives. After our other flatmate had to leave, here she was: an angel coming to rescue us from our dire financial situation. Or so we thought.

She's the most intimidating, passive aggressive bully I've ever encountered in my life. I was too naive to realise this, learning her true colours far too late. She has a way of talking down to you and manipulating you to appear crazy and irrational in conversations. It's the behaviour of the worst kind of cockroach.

I just can't with all this drama. Especially around Christmas time. And she had the nerve to call me two-faced. Okay, so I have been a bit of a shit-stirrer, but this whole thing blew up in our face. All because we let this she-devil into our home.

But I can't help but wonder, who is the crazy one?

#EndofAwfullyWrittenStory

Apologies for No Updates

2011-12-14T22:14:00.000+11:00

I'm sorry for the lack of posts these past few weeks. If you're on Twitter, follow me (@francisfares) because lately I've been obsessed with it!

Also I'm currently having domestic issues with a flatmate who is fucking us around:

Marry the Night, Stroke the Ego: A Video Review

2011-12-04T04:55:00.000+11:00

I had to skip more than half of this shite. I don't care for her take on Girl, Interrupted. The video for Marry the Night isbasically a huge orgy of narcissism.

It's time...for less saccharine ads

2011-11-30T02:09:00.004+11:00

This video by GetUp Australia for gay marriage has been posted all over Facebook, Twitter, etc this week. While I wholly support the cause and think it's such a timely and positive approach, does anyone else think it's the most saccharine video ever?

All the comments on the video are the same -- "Oh, it made me cry!", "tears welled up", etc. My god, this video for me was so painfully sugary and corny I wanted to throw up.

Also, what's up with the lack of diversity? Two white gay guys? Okay... Let's face it, out of all the people in the LGBT community today, they probably have it the easiest. I may have missed the point entirely because that's not what this video is about - duh, Francis, it's about marriage discrimination - but I think this dialogue is important for future campaigns to come. I'm so over seeing pretty much a white gay male moan and whine about his "problems" on every gay-themed media from Queer as Folk to DNA Magazine. Or maybe it was the wrong day for me to watch this video. Oxford Street, gay media in Sydney and a sleazy taxi driver have truly bored me.

Hmmm, this is post is so bitter. Apologies.

Kylie Fever: A Retrospective for 2011 ARIA Hall of Famer

2011-11-27T23:34:00.001+11:00

When it comes to Australian pop stars, Kylie Minogue is the one to beat. Despite claiming repeatedly that she'd always aspired the career of fellow ARIA Hall of Famer Olivia Newton-John, Kylie has far surpassed that of the Grease star.

She's a Grammy-winning singer, a Logie-winning actress and is the highest selling Australian artist ever. I daresay she's outsold her nearest Australian contemporaries like ONJ, Kate Ceberano, Tina Arena, Marcia Hines, Deni Hines and Christine Anu combined.

Not only that, her success created an industry template -- her career path from soap star to pop star has been replicated (to lesser success) by the likes of Melissa Tkautz, Bec Cartwright, Tammin Sursok, Stephanie McIntosh, Holly Valance and even Kylie's own sister, Dannii.

Although I am a huge fan, I admit that her albums have gone downhill since Fever and she's released the same kind of dancepop album repeatedly since 2001.

Nonetheless, she is still Australia's most iconic and important pop star and a truly deserved entrant into the ARIA Hall of Fame.

TOP KYLIE SONGS:

5. Put Yourself in My Place (1994)

I love this much more than the highly overrated Confide in Me from the same album.

4. Word is Out (1991)

Before she released All I See in 2008, Kylie tried her hand at a ghetto sound with this hilariously enjoyable and largely forgotten R&B-fused single.

3. Love at First Sight (2002)

Pure pop bliss. A highlight classic of 2002.

2. I Should Be So Lucky (1988)

Bubblegum pop is what Kylie does best. I also wanted to put Better the Devil You Know, Hand on Your Heart and Locomotion in the number two slot, but this will do.

1. Spinning Around (1999)

"Traded in my sorrows for some joy that I borrowed

From back in the day.

Threw away my old clothes, got myself a better wardrobe

I got something to say

I'm through with the past, ain't no point in looking back

The future will be"

This is an anthem.

Kerri Anne: We Hardly Knew Ye (2002-2011)

2011-11-26T18:39:00.000+11:00

I am shocked and saddened with the recent passing of Kerri Anne...'s television show.

Farewell Kerri Anne

2011-11-21T21:58:00.000+11:00

Kerri Anne Kennerley, Australia's answer to Oprah, is leaving morning show after nine years on air. The still youthful star confirmed on radio that her once dominant television show Mornings will now be hosted by Sonia Kruger.

The country's classiest book ever.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even though I haven't watched her show in nine years, she is a legend.

She's here!! Princess Mary in Sydney Nov 2011

2011-11-19T12:39:00.001+11:00

The world's Queen of style and old world sophistication Princess Mary has today jetted into Sydney with her family. Finally, she can show old Elizabeth II how a royal really should visit Australia.

I for one welcome good old Mary back to Australia!

Ricki Lee: Why concentrate on her weight loss?

2011-11-19T09:57:00.002+11:00

MY WORLD EXCLUSIVE Ricki Lee photoshoot at the Midnight Shift

The classiest Australian celebrity bible Woman's Day features an exclusive with Ricki Lee all about her weight loss. Meh, I'm so sick of these "How I lost 30349kgs and you can, too (but not really since you don't have a personal trainer, dietician, daily pressure to lose weight and most of all, you probably don't have the ability to focus on weight loss alone in your life).

The article though is a journalistic triumph:

“We rehearse every day for music video stuff and all my live performances – it’s really fun. ”Sounds a bit like she’s enjoying her very own Zumba lesson each day! “Yeah!” she says, laughing

Source: Woman's Day

Also Woman's Day, enough of the Kim Kardashian coverage.

Yew!! New iPad Nano!!

2011-11-16T20:01:00.000+11:00

Hoorah! I still have of these old first gen iPod Nanos lying around in my old bedroom back home and because it could potentially explode, Apple will send me a new one!!

Yay!! I got this iPod when I turned 16 and it was originally filled with pop trash like Tammin Sursok, Evermore and TI. I was so cool!!

Person Of Interest (POI) / Rebecca Black: A Review

2011-11-15T23:22:00.001+11:00

Rebecca Black is back with a brand new single after her banal flop My Moment. The Friday superstar sounds like Hilary Duff circa 2003, except with a more helium voice.

It's ironic, the song is called Person of Interest - which Rebecca is no longer. Her meme and 15 minutes of fame is O-V-E-R, gurl. Stay in school.

Talk that Talk / Rihanna: A Review

2011-11-13T22:55:00.002+11:00

Rihanna follows up last year's Loud with her sixth studio album, Talk that Talk. It's the usual Rihanna mix of formulaic dance, r&b and pop.

Her marketing team has heralded a new look this era and the red wig she's been forced to wear the past year has finally been burned at the stake. Obviously taking inspiration from the 90s, they've chosen to dress up the music industry's most successful puppet in flannelette, earthy colours and long, flowy natural locks. She looks like Samantha Mumba.

The deluxe edition cover. Don't get me started on the cover of the standard edition.

1. YOU DA ONE (6/10)

I hated it at first, but it's grown on me in the space of a few hours. I usually hate Rihanna's ghetto trash anthems (see: Raining Men feat. Nicki Minaj, most of the aural shit known as Rated R). It's the power of Rihanna's hooks...

2. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN (7/10)

Gets an extra point for totally fitting in my life right now.

3. WE FOUND LOVE (7/10)

I liked this as the first single. It's good. But not great. Much like the whole album.

4. TALK THAT TALK feat. JAY Z (10/10)

Yes, Stargate and Ester Dean basically reproduced their Rihanna hit Rude Boy for 2011/2012 but this is a future number one hit guaranteed.

5. COCKINESS (LOVE IT) (7/10)

Sounds like the songs Bangladesh has produced for Beyonce (Diva) and Jessica Mauboy (Get Em Girls). Rihanna coos, "suck my cockiness...lick my persuasion". Oh Rihanna, shut your filthy whore mouth. You've basically ensured all teens born in 1993-1997 will be absolute skanks growing up listening to that.

6. BIRTHDAY CAKE (6/10)

Rihanna continues her explicitness with this interlude. It's like S&M except she says fuck.

7. WE ALL WANT LOVE (6/10)

Rihanna turns from cock-sucking vampress to a virginal peace goddess with this track. Yeah, I don't buy it either. I love S&M Rihanna better than this we are the world crap!

8. DRUNK ON LOVE (7.5/10)

Her voice grates at the beginning but I like this track a lot.

9. ROC ME OUT (8.5/10)

I'd love this to be a single, simply because it sounds more rockier than the other tracks.

10. WATCH N' LEARN (3/10)

Why this Music of the Sun reject track ended up on an album is a mystery.

11. FAREWELL (8/10)

Perfect way to end the album. It doesn't quite have the repeat factor of Talk that Talk or Roc Me Out but it's very Cheers (Drink to that), non? "And it even though it kills me that you have to go/I know I will be sadder if you never hit the road". True dat, Ester Dean. Speaking of, did she like write half the fucking album? And the nerve of Island Def Jam to give Calvin Harris a "feature" credit on We Found Love. Really, the album should be credited as Ester Dean featuring Rihanna.

ALBUM SCORE: 3 stars out of FIVE. It's a decent commercial pop album with obvious future number ones but let's face it, she has not showed any growth musically in over six albums. This record sounds exactly the same as Loud, the same as Rated R, the same as Good Girl Gone Bad.

10 000 hits

2011-11-13T10:29:00.000+11:00

Yay! Shock New Look has officially amassed over 10 000 hits since its launch four months ago on 2 July 2011. Thank you so much reading my blog!

Combined with my old blog, that means my articles have been read almost 45 000 times!! Time to do a 10 000 hit dance!

Ick Nast News: Kevin Federline NAKED in Melbourne (allegedly) :X

2011-11-13T10:19:00.001+11:00

I think I'm going to puke some more this weekend. I've finally caught up with local celebrity gossip this weekend and read the horrifying story of Kevin Federline allegedly publicly stripping off at a Melbourne hotel.

Kevin Federline in Miami, 2009 (Source)

Yes, THE Kevin Federline of fathering Britney Spears and Shar Jackson's spawn fame. Also, the Kevin Federline who danced in Christina Milian's decade-defining anthem, AM to PM video:

I love how News.com.au reports it:

"It was Kevin Federline - 100 per cent," said the resident, a married mother with a young girl.
"Drunk doesn't even cover it. He was a mess."
After dinner, the resident claimed Federline and another unidentified man got naked.
"They were nude. It was disgusting. I could see everything, absolutely everything," she said.

Source

They clearly found such a devout married mother to make Kevin's stripping more shocking.

Apparently K-Fed is here to star in a new Channel Nine celebrity reality show about weight loss. Yay for Channel Nine for degrading themselves to a network full of crass reality entertainment like Celebrity Apprentice and The Block. It won't be long til we see Real Housewives of Melbourne!!

Berlusconi quits!

2011-11-13T10:07:00.000+11:00

In more serious news, Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi has quit today. Finally. But no, it wasn't due to any sex or tawdry controversy. It was due to some economic reforms.

Lady GaGa is Italian, so this picture is totally appropriate.

Hooray for reporting on actual world events. Here's another relevant video from a singer of Italian origin, Cher:

Nasty Janet Jackson in Sydney

2011-11-11T00:31:00.002+11:00

One of my favourite blogs Pop Trash Addicts posted an insightful entry on Janet Jackson's blink-if-you-miss-it Australian tour:

"There's no denying it was a sub-standard affair that painfully demonstrated just how awkwardly the '90s hitmaker fits into a Lady Gaga run world.... By the end of the night she even had a triangular patch of vagina sweat on her jeans. Not pretty."

Mike from Pop Trash Addicts

Now I kind of feel better that I missed Miss Jackson's tour...after waiting so long to see her live.You can check out her nasty vaginal sweat in this video:

Susan Boyle's shock sexy new look

2011-11-09T21:37:00.004+11:00

Is it Photoshop? Good lighting? Plastic surgery? Whatever it is, Susan Boyle has gotten younger on the cover of her brand new CD, Someone to Watch Over Me.

The new look is tasteful, and at least it doesn't resemble the disturbing fan mash ups found at Fanpop:

Get it, girl.

Ricki Lee: Raining Diamonds single launch at Midnight Shift, Sydney 5.11.11 - WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!

2011-11-06T18:16:00.005+11:00

Australian pop singer Ricki Lee launched her new single Raining Diamonds at the Midnight Shift in Sydney last night and randomly I was there to watch the festivities.

Ricki grabs her thigh as she thanks the audience. Yes, that is her.

As I didn't even know Ricki would be performing that night, I did not have a decent camera on me so I apologise for these heinous pictures from my phone. But I can write that the vibe of the night was great, the drag queens and male dancers were hot (especially one named Rory...) and Ricki's voice was pretty spectacular. She also sang Can't Touch It before exiting the stage less than 10 minutes after her 'launch' started at like 3am in the morning.

Like the movie The Ring, all my pictures had this weird glare on her face?! At least you can see her thigh action!

Fun fact, this is the second time I've seen Ricki perform live. The first being that time I went to watch the last ever Australian Idol finale and she sang her underrated flop Hear No, See No, Speak No.

You can kinda see her face in this one...lol

It's funny, this blonde guy kept squishing into the front and pushing my friend back. Turns out he worked for Ricki. He could've told us that he needed to position himself to get her jacket instead of grunting and huffing sneering glares at my friend...