A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

“What was the name of the Instructor?” asked the neighbor.

“Oh, ummmm, let’s see,” the old man pondered. “You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what’s that flower’s name?”

“A rose?” asked the neighbor.

“Yes, that’s it,” replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?”

*****************

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you’re going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

“The funeral director,” said his wife.

*****************

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.”

“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

*****************

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”

*****************

A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.

‘Don’t move! You’re a statue!’

The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.

The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies, and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue and says, “Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths’, and they never fed me a thing!”

*****************

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!”

The wife says, “Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?”

The husband yells back, “It doesn’t matter. Just get the hell out!”

*****************

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk….

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s $1,000. Can I buy it?”

MAN: “OK, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: How much?”

WOMAN: $60,000.

MAN: “For that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! One more thing. … The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re only asking $450,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $420,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you too.”

The man hangs up. The other men are looking at him in astonishment

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

*****************

Every year, Fred and Ethel would spend a day at the State Fair. Every year, Fred would say, “Ethel, I’d like to ride in that airplane.”

And every year, Ethel would say, “I know, Fred, but that airplane ride cost ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

One year, while they were at the fair, Fred said, “Ethel, I’m 74 years old. If I don’t have a ride in that airplane this year, I may never get another chance.”

“Fred, that airplane ride cost ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars,” Ethel replied.

The pilot happened to overhear them and said, “Listen folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you anything. But, if you say one word, then you’ll have to pay the ten dollars.”

Fred and Ethel agreed, so up they went. The pilot did all kinds of rolls and dives, twists and turns, but not a word was heard. He did all his fancy maneuvers again, but still not a word.

When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Fred and said, “Gosh, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, and yet you never said a word.”

“Well,” Fred replied, “I was going to say something when Ethel fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”

According to the Times, the “at sign” (or, a “snail” if you’re Italian and a “monkey” if you’re a southern Slav) is a fairly recent invention, dating back 473 years. Reports state that a Florentine merchant that went by the name Francesco Lapi used the @ symbol in a letter he wrote on May 4, 1536. Back then it was used to indicate a measure of weight or volume, known as an amphora. The letter read, “There [is] an amphora of wine, which is one thirtieth of a barrel, is worth 70 or 80 ducats.”

The reason that it became commonplace for keyboards in today’s world, is because it was shorthand for “at the price of” in the records of English merchants. And, in 1971, engineer Ray Tomlinson used it “to indicate that the users was ‘at’ some other host rather than being local” for the very first emails ever sent.

Source www.maximumpc.com

The site also support different languages like Dutch,Spanish,Portugies,Japanese etc.Its always nice to have your name in the wallpapers/screensavers  and show them to your friend as long as your friends are not aware of the site.

http://reddodo.com/

Google sees a number of uses for this new feature, such as to help resolve common spelling mistakes or simply to let users perform searches in situations where they can’t start typing – like when driving. Additionally, Voice Search can be used in tandem with My Location – the second new feature introduced today – in order bring up location based search results determined by the BlackBerry’s GPS, Wi-Fi, and cellular triangulation. Saying ‘pizza’, for example, will provide local results as well as links to mapping information.

The updated Google Mobile App is available at m.google.com for all BlackBerry smartphones using OS 4.1 and higher with the voice feature needing at least OS version 4.2. The new Storm isn’t supported for some reason, though.

According to the chip maker, Larrabee will be a dramatic shift away from the shader processing designs used today by both major GPU vendors. It will feature a “many-core architecture” based on the original Pentium design with a new ring-bus-style interconnect for memory and coherent L2 cache across all cores. While Pentium processors are considered slow by today’s standards, Intel claims they become very fast and power efficient when you put a lot of them working in parallel on a single chip. And the fact that they support the current x86 instruction set reportedly makes Larrabee more flexible than a traditional graphics chip.

The company talked up other details of its forthcoming chip’s architecture and shared some information about of the development tools that will be made available shortly. You can get the details here.

Users can already get Skype for the iPhone using third party apps, like Fring or Truphone, but the official app will supposedly have better voice quality and lower latency. Skype for iPhone is still rather short on features compared its desktop counterpart, though – it handles conference calling only as a participant, not an initiator, and lacks support for things such as voicemail, file transfers and SMS. PC World has a hands-on preview of the upcoming VoIP application which you can check out here. A version for several BlackBerry models will be available in May.

Specifically, WinFuture.de claims that an RC1 build (presumably 7048) will be released privately sometime around February 27 to MSDN and TechNet subscribers as well as beta testers signed up on Microsoft Connect and participants of the Technology Adopters Program. There is no mention of a public release though some speculate it could arrive sometime in April.

It is clear that the software giant is at least aiming to get Windows 7 ready for prime time by the holiday season, perhaps even earlier, but they have yet to confirm any specific dates. Meanwhile, some are worried that Microsoft may be rushing the development of Windows 7, claiming that the company isn’t taking their feedback seriously, even when filed through their private beta tester feedback channels.

Unlike on the desktop, where the feature relies on extensions, offline Gmail for mobiles is dependent on HTML5’s AppCache and database standards to keep data available when there is no internet connection, meaning it requires no additional software downloads. It also means that the feature would work flawlessly across multiple operating systems just as long as they support HTML5.

Aside from offline Gmail, the search giant also showed off an HTML5 built browser version of Google Maps on the Palm Pre which offered all the functionality of a native client. There’s no word yet on when Google will widely release these new features but things are certainly looking interesting in the mobile scene, with HTML5 providing an easy way to bring projects to multiple devices without the need to re-code the app for each individual platform.

“I had tons of people saying ‘this could be so incredible for our business’. It takes a very long time to do a focus group, and businesses often don’t have the luxury of time. I think they liked the instant responses,” stated Randi Zuckerberg, Mark’s sister and Facebook’s global markets director, regarding the possible monetization of the social networking site.

Some experts say that this move comes in the wake of a double whammy of economic troubles brought on by their failing advertising revenue and the ever-growing cost of electronic data storage